#685 - Joey Diaz

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1:00What'd you end up doing last night? Did you go to Blackburn? No, I didn't. They get some guy freaking had a stroke over there in the audience or whatever. Some guy who fucking couldn't hold it or whatever had a heart attack and then they had to start the show an hour late. So I was going to stop over there because I was staying right over by Gotham, Comedy Club on 23rd, 23rd. I'll wait in time. Until Monday, I'm going to go to the US Open. Okay. I've never been before. It's a blast. You've been? No, because I don't want to sit there going like this. Yeah. Yeah. But if the cops come, that's my answer. But it's a great time. It's good to go up there. A lot of bitches. Really? A lot of bitches looking for fucking husbands because one of my friends said me up, it's going to go on a US Open. Wish me luck to find the husband. Oh. Yeah, so I'm excited about that. But dude, I was walking on here. Did somebody drew a Tony Hinchcliffe on a building here? Do you see that? No. Here in Asbury. Asbury is what this called? Yeah, Asbury Park. Asbury Park, is that it?

2:01Look at that shed. Is that Tony Hinchcliffe? For sure. I don't think so. Oh, that's him for sure. That's got to be him. Dude, do you know, you know Bam Bam bigalows from here? Bam Bam Bam, the wrestler. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody's from the big... Did you ever meet him? No. Yeah. That guy's from here. I had no idea. Wow, and he's older than I am. That guy. He dead. He dead? He doesn't have a footbar. Oh, you could have fucking faked it. Oh, shit. Then with Scott. That's a tough career being a wrestler, guys. Yeah. Because imagine, it's basically like a being a comedian, but when you get there, you got to fight something like imagine you get on stage and you got to fight somebody for half hour. I'm even worried about getting them and like, hold tonight, you're bombing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know where you're bombing and somebody's going to throw a chair on your head. Okay. I feel better about myself. That's true, dude.

3:02Fuck, bro. Yeah, a lot of my friends are burning man actually this week, man. Did you ever go? Are you fucking crazy? You don't go to that field. Don't get involved in that. That's up to people and all that pussy skank it. You think four or five days without washing it, putting it all, not eating right, no vitamins. I'm the desert with sand crawling in your uterus. I ain't no good for your snatch, John. Dirty, filthy white checks. Those are filthy white checks, bro. 20 years ago, I'd be over there eating ass and getting my dick sucked, but now I'm two old. One of those diseases catches you around. You end up with Lyme disease. This is something going on the fucking bitches up there. Oh, dude, I'll get, bro. I'll get Lyme disease in my lungs. Dude, it's some of the shit I'm in, too. Those people crazy. They have a 60-month-old right there. What are we at? There's a war going on. You want to dance in the desert? Come on, bro. I'm fucking, I'll lost to you. Some of you have an ant hill in their ass out there, dude. It's a lot, bro. You get the dust on it. And you'll see like one of those, like a woman of an IUD, but it's like a dream catcher

4:04version or whatever. It's like they got some wild shit out there. They got shit to catch a bore. Yeah. And that's natural. But war wants to go around, and you fucking stop shit. Oh. You don't have one to go to that field. Oh, bro. They're trying to maintain a, they'll have a falcon doing tarot cards and shit. They got people and all kinds of shit out there. And they're all rich. Yeah. They're all rich. They're all trust funders. Don't believe that. Yeah. It's like going to a fancy club, but they moved out to the desert. That's what it is. That's what it is. For the regular junkie that's out there who took his bike out there, who drove a frickin road 200 miles from lawfully and they get over to air something. That motherfucker's gonna have a tough time, I think. You know? They'll have a caterpillar out there. Like, you know, like doing a Ouija board and shit, they got all kind of like. Are we taping? Huh? Are we taping? Yeah. Can we? I didn't know either. I thought you were gonna welcome me and shit. Oh, shit. No, I'm really, I didn't know. But yeah, dude, it's fucking, it's a lot out there, man. It's a lot. Yeah, dude, I had one chance to go, but it was like my, my, my, my neighbor went and he was like, they had, uh, diddy was out there.

5:06And I think, um, who else was out there? Like, it was like Fat Joe, maybe I think they said. Yeah, but they didn't even the desert. They got fucking a van that picked them up and they get cooled off and shit. That's a big difference. Yeah. Yeah, they got to end you without they're blowing cool, cool air on their back and shit. Yeah. Yeah. They hooked up like a motherfucker. It's different, man. It's not for me. I don't want to be out there with Sam and no showers. Yeah. I'm anti anything like can't wash my ass. Yeah. You understand me? Like for years, I wouldn't go camping because listen, when I wake up in the morning, I got orders, you know, and I don't want them last thing all day. Yeah. You wake up with a stinky ass. So when you put shorts on and go back, I just compounds. Yeah. It's compounds. So I've never been into places without showers. Yeah. I got to take it. And then I met a girl and we used to go camping, but she would take me to those, you know, little places with it. It's a cheap camp. If you don't want to take a shower, you could bathe in the lake, but they got two showers

6:06over there. Oh, right. I'm in. Yeah. I don't mind cooking outside. I don't mind. I didn't mind any of that. I just need a shower. Yeah. First my teeth, you know, I don't like it if somebody sneaks off to like, I'm going to go for a little walk or something, but you know that they're going to shit somewhere or something like you can't really hide like, you know, if somebody's like, I'm going to go over here and look at something, but you know that they're shit and I would have it. Listen, I know once a year, I'm going to shit somewhere. Yeah. Once a year, every year, I have to shit once outside. Yeah. You're not going to make it as a human being. Maybe you do, but there's nights where, you know, I want to shit on that toilet. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I don't mind pulling it off one night. We got a shit in the hiring. Yeah. But again, I'm a toilet type of dude. You know what I'm saying? I'm a little spoiled. Yeah. I'm a little spoiled. I grew up poor, but I'm a little spoiled. Yeah. I'm a little spoiled, bro. That's where I am. Dude, we're in your home area, bro. Asbury Park. Yes, we are, brother. Well, it's awesome. Yeah. I grew up two hours from here. Oh, you did? Yeah. But I would come down to the concerts.

7:07They have a great, they used to have, or maybe they still do that. Asbury Park Convention Center. And we were kids, the same people who played the garden, played that, let it skinned. It's on YouTube. Let it skinned tore up this motherfucker in 77. You know, I came down here to see it. In 1981, I came down here to see Iron Maiden opening up the Judas Priest. Wow. I came to another concert down here. I think I came down here to a basketball camp. So I didn't really, I wasn't in the area growing up. I'm more nocturals in shit. Yeah. Look at them. I was talking ripped it apart in this bitch. Wow. That's amazing. Was that the first concert you ever went to? No. I've got the concerts for like four years prior to that. I was maybe 17 when they threw the bottle out of snow. Like, all right. Yeah. I'm good. When they threw the bottle out, yeah. Yeah, we got out of the car. We weren't even out of the car. I'm telling you, we fucking got here with a bottle. Some guy just threw a fucking beer bottle out of us. We got out. We turned around.

8:0710 brothers with no shirts on. No. I told you early and I'm like, fuck you this priest. We'll park on the other side. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Guess who else was at that concert? Jimmy Florentine. No. Not knowing. I heard him on his radio show when you were talking about that show. Because those motherfuckers, you should throw smoke bombs at concerts. And I heard him talking about, I'm like, I still remember that being a kid and having a cubby eyes because of the smoke bombs. He was the motherfucker doing the smoke bomb. And they threw him up and his mother had to pick him up. He tells the whole fucking story. So he's a legend, dude. That's great, bro. I just have such a good time with him on OP and Jim back in the day, man. Jim Florentine, he's a bastard. He's my neighbor. Is he? Two doors down. How do you think I ended up here? I called him and his sister-in-law saw me down. Oh nice. He's got a great family. Does he? I call him the Florentine Crime family. Yeah. They don't stop. They do a party every 10 days.

9:08Some of the family is so big. They got, they take concerts. They go to like Miami Dolphin games. They'll take 40 people with family. They'll spend the whole weekend down there. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's not bad. They for me. Because I work weekends. I got my daughter, but that's a great, I mean, my daughter plays show up on the weekends. So. Yeah, that's a great life over there. Yeah, dude, I love Jersey, man. Jersey has some of the most entertaining women I've ever been around in my life. Yeah, they'll talk to talk to you. Oh, yeah, they get to it. And you got to put them on a phone. And they're interesting. They're interesting to an extent. But I like, I was always, I always wanted to raise my daughter here. There was something about North Jersey that I learned a lot of lessons up there. Yeah. And I want to hear those lessons are all done today. But I wanted her at least to feel what I felt. In a way, to a degree, she'll never, you know, feel the shittiness I felt. But that was part of when I left LA, it was, I knew I was leaving it.

10:10I, that's what people never understood. I was planning it. Yeah. Before the pandemic, we were coming down here. April 4th to buy a house. I was coming in March. And then we were coming back together as a family in April. We're going to buy the house, finish up the school year, and then move here that August. The pandemic just rushed it up and lit a fire under my, you know, broken my heart to fucking leave. But it was time I had already, you know, I felt that I had gotten the most I did out of LA. Yeah. I'm 57. What else could possibly happen? You know, more happened than I anticipated. So I'm just going to take my winnings and leave. Yeah. Why bank it and start getting cocky? Let's shoot a pilot. Let's drop 400 and get the fuck out of here. So that was my decision in moving here. Yeah. I think it's a beautiful place out here, man. I love even just driving over to hear, bro, it's nice. Like we went through like countryside and stuff. Yeah. Like there's a river right out of here. Yeah. Oh, this river is everywhere. Look, I live in central Jersey, which this is considered that on the borderline.

11:14Mm-hmm. So I got foxes in my backyard. I got raccoons. I got fucking deer. I got, you know, and it's, this is why I like it. At this age for me, no. But if I would have came here when I was 42, for example, you buy a house in central Jersey and you just go, you know what? I'm going into the city on Tuesday. I'm going to do four spots because anything up the four spots, it's a law diminishing return. I agree. Two, three four spots and get out of here early. And I'll tell you what, how I got introduced to this area down here was one of my brothers lives in Morganville, which is 10 minutes from where I live now. Really? One of the ganks as I grew up with like his family took me in and shit. He lived here and I would come and stay with him. So part of the deal was I helped him with his fish company. He pay me. I would help him. And it was unreal how we would get in the car, four in the morning, shoot into man hat. And I'm a comic. I'm a feature slash headliner. Yeah. But when I come to Jersey, I would stay with him. I would do like three or four weeks instead of having to go back and forth, I would do

12:16like three or four weeks, raccoons in those days, bananas, maybe some mouth. And I would deliver fish with him in the mornings, help him pick up the fish at the full fish market. That was a fucking adventure. Really? Yeah, because I would go to get fish. I'd come back home with an eight ball. It was great. Four in the morning, walking around with an eight ball, I got a discount price for 180 at the full fish market. You got a fucking head. Everything that you got a long trout. And you know, you don't need time. I pulled out a fushion. Full fish market. They were hookers there. Wow. Two in the morning. You want to get fish five in the morning. That's that's the party starts. They're over there. They're looking for guys out a lot of protein in them. So they like those fucking fish dudes. They were hookers there. We deliver five, six deliveries. We'd be done by 10, 30, 11 and by 12 o'clock after a 45 minute drive. I just went from people cutting each other off, bite guys flying through the air, double parking, hey, fuck you to the serene lifestyle. Yeah. Let me tell you how cool it was to set up. He had you walk through his backyard with your fish clothes on and you just rip yourself

13:20naked and you jump in the shower and wash the fish off and we go right in the pool. Hmm. So I go talk to his mother while he was doing his ritual and then I do the same ritual jumping the pool. Then his father would clean off the fish and start grilling fish and he had to make a three o'clock. I'd be in fucking habit getting vitamin D fish. I got an a boy picked up a four in the morning. So I enjoyed. I liked that one minute I was in the city. Yeah. The next minute I was in. I think it'd be living LA in Hollywood but you live in Calabasas. Yeah. It's a hike of a ride. You're not going to do it every day but when you do it you strike but that's when you see the beauty. Yeah. You go from being at the store chaos, who stole a joke, who did this. Yeah, who's a f*****er, whatever. Yeah, and all of a sudden you're at the fucking, you're in your home and you know there's no red light. People ain't cut you off. There's no homeless people. So really and that's where I saw in my life when I moved to Jersey.

14:22But I could still do the city but an hour later all that sh**s out of my system. Amen. I'm home with my family, my daughter, I'm a different person. Yeah, you can kick your feet up on the Ottoman and it feels like you actually have peace. Oh, I got my chair. As soon as I moved there, I got one of those Archie Bunker chairs. Did you lay back? Oh, f*****er. Oh, watch it. And I lived my put my little blankie on it. My legs get cold at night. I got my little remote control. I got a little refrigerator right here in the family room. Yeah. I put my little blooms in there and a couple of snapples and some water. I got my peptides in there in case I just want to get up and shoot one while I'm sitting there. Yeah, did I watch John Wick and f*****ing blast myself right in the neck with one? Oh, yeah. They even have a John Wick peptide. They do? You just start shooting people. You just get a gun and stuff. Buh, buh, buh. What's going on here all these days, brother? What's going on? What you get for one? I mean, I just, I do want to say this. I love, I want to think I love about Jersey and Philadelphia. Some of the funniest women, best senses of humor, bro. I mean, I mean, Jersey, some of these little brawds, I agree.

15:24They definitely, you got some violent little princesses around here, you know? You got a f*****ing dangerous woman. There's a couple women that are that hot, that they're dangerous for Italian chicks. Oh, they got shot hot. They got, they got sharp tits too. A lot of them. Yeah. Some of them, I just sit there watching giga, like, look at how these motherf*****s are just racking up victims. People buying them cocktails. And these bitches are going home so low. Yeah. Yeah, dude. A lot of bitches just collecting me out at their house. I love Philadelphia. And I'm going to tell you why because they didn't get the memo yet. And even if you send it to Philadelphia, they're not going to honor it. Yeah. To really want some people like comedy, stand up comedy. They think that's great to laugh. It is. I love watching stand up comedy. I think I like comedy that just happens. And if you only place in the world where I could count on that happening is Philadelphia. 10 to 10. Tickets don't get the memo. Yeah. You're like, Joey, we'll give you an example. When we moved here, I looked at tickets for the Yankees, the match, but I want to see

16:26somebody was playing San Francisco was playing in Philadelphia. So I asked my wife, take a look at the ticket. She goes, okay, let's go. So a bunch of us went. We went to quarantine, his kid, the neighbor, me, my wife, my daughter. My fat, my daughter was eight and in LA, we hung around people. I didn't really curse. You know, once I moved to Jersey, I was like, we might as well start cursing because even the moms are fucking saying, fuck you and all this shit in my daughter. We just sit there and lost. I'm like, you can't curse. They'll shoot my daughter won't curse. She's not allowed to curse till she goes to college. So fucking that's my rule, because if not, they won't take her in the college with your curse. And then it gives her a reason to want to go to college too. Yeah. Because a lot of kids, you let them curse early. They're not even going to go to school. No, no, this one has to go to school. Yeah, because a lot of kids, out of plod of college, just to say, motherfucker, when I got to open it. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I don't like it. That's sort of the best way to do it, dude. But yeah, they got some short ladies around. They got some, well, what's the tallest woman in New Jersey? Bring that up, dude. If you can, they got some violent little princesses, dude.

17:28I mean, some, you go to my boxing gym. There's a couple of chicks in that. I'll knock you to fuck out. Oh, yeah. I know for a fact. Or a tall, 200 Jersey, five, eight, so damn. And that's not even. Oh, you know, but it is for you. Yeah. Bro, because the God don't want to find it. They so, they so potent, they can't make more of it. You know, it's like, it's like if you get like a, you know, saying it's like, there are, there are high milligram edible. They're below bitches for it. That's for sure, dude. But some of the most entertaining women ever, brother. They'll fucking some of you. I wanted you to, I really hope you would have came down last night. I would have canceled my gig and thank you to dinner at a fucking really great place. Like Central Jersey, I'd listen to New York City, New York City, Northern New Jersey, Northern New Jersey. But I got some spots in Central Jersey that'll take you fucking lights out. Like you're eating fucking. This is good shit. I understand everything for the last detail. So I'm taking my daughter, Philly. And she's eight. Did it all game? Yeah. Philly's came to baseball.

18:29I pull her aside. I go to her. And you get to fill it down for you. You're going to see things and hear things you've never heard before. Yeah. I'm just preparing you. Okay. And she's a, she's been listening to me talk for you. So we pull up at the game. We park. We're walking through the front door. And I'm not even at the front door. My daughter hits my leg and she's like, what? She could look right on the wall. It was a picture of a big dick. Mm-hmm. I mean, it had to be 15 feet long. You know, walking to the six, whatever. But there's a dick. Somebody spray paint. Right. Now you know what I'm saying. And once you walk in there, it's a complete different place to. They say shit. They just say shit. Yeah. They're the most, I mean, they're the most next level. They're not. They say I went through a six-a-game with her. And there was two guys making out. Mm-hmm. I'm like, that's not going to last long. Yeah. Not in Philadelphia. Yeah. And sure enough, they were gone. Mm-hmm. Somebody came and tapped him to show them like, many kids around. Hang on. But I have my rights. Listen, we have our rights too. We'll fucking put you in a dungeon.

19:31We'll put you in a fucking dungeon. How's that? And a lot of gay dudes, they dress like they want to be in a dungeon sometimes too. So that's kind of the trick. But no, what do you do? They go against the gay dudes and just store places that fucking don't fuck around still. Right. Some places get the memo. Yeah. Some places they make their own rules. And you show up and you got to kind of rock with them. Dude, we would go trying to think of where we went that was very. Yeah, Philly's one of a conno. Do you see a fucking bird out there selling dope up near temple or something? You see a black dude like dress up like a Uber and give another black dude a piggyback ride. It's crazy. 150 feet for a couple grams. You know, we would see all, I mean, yeah, some of the shit we would see, bro. And audiences are very real and fairly like I've never, I'm gonna do like a casino and I had such a good time. I just jumped. Chubby Joey just jumped until the audience and they caught me. You know what I'm saying? I was like, this is spectacular. How are the people that caught you? I wonder how they doing you checked on me. I think I fucked up one guy's shoulder. You know what I mean? He just didn't have it no more. But it's just, it's a fun place to do comedy.

20:33I think it's a fun city because when I go down there, like watching like, you know, with a chick sold the first flag, Betsy Klein, what's in there? Yeah, Betsy, uh, Betty Wilson, whatever. You go to Betty Ross's house. Betsy Ross. You go there, you go to, they have a lot of neat stuff that'll bring you back. Yeah. I can't like holy fuck. Oh, the museum's there, bro. Yeah, bro, bro. It's next level. Stop it. I'm not going to go there. That's where it all went down. Yeah. We people forget about that. People think it's interesting to me. Like when I go to a town, I don't want to go to a club. I don't want to do nothing. I want to see this shit, especially these East Coast North Carolina. Yeah. All those places have some great stuff at those states, man. When you travel, it's not even about the restaurants to me anymore. Yeah. But a fucking good museum. Look at his shit. Yeah. And look at that lady dressed up like Betsy Ross probably. Yeah. You could dress up like Betsy Ross and they do that every day. Oh. And they school you and then, but it's, it's nonstop. Yeah. The, the, the history of fucking Philadelphia alone, you know, where you went and got off

21:34the car that night and took the picture with the boxer from North Bergen. Oh, yeah. You get on that road. James A. Bratick. James A. Bratick. I'll take you to a place where George Washington's fucking, whatever is there, at the Bowling ball, Cannonball. That's what George, it's a little legend for it. You walk down. You have to walk in the park under the George Washington bridge. If you ever get a chance to do that, you know, I used to walk that bridge to cop. Like, I could walk the George Washington through. I would walk it twice a day sometimes. Wow. You could just zip in because if you take a car, they watch to see what cars go in and out. Oh, yeah. So they'll pull you over and they'll fucking take your car. Your car gets confiscated. So at those days, they say, why aren't we going through all this shit? Yeah. To my walk. Yeah. To my walk. And I mean, you would loop out, get off the plane, get off the fucking bridge cop and get right on the on guard. And nobody would fucking me. While when you land in Jersey, you see a line of cars with their hoods open, getting fucked and searched and shit. So I would just walk over and it, but the things I would just see in there wasn't about,

22:35I mean, it was about the addiction, but it wasn't about like, I would get surprised. Even when you land on the other side of New York, if you go underneath, like that area there, when I was growing up, that's where you dropped your car off if you didn't want to pay for it. Really? Just let it there. Just leave it there for 20 hour bill in the front seat and put the keys in ignition. You'll never see that car again. Oh, okay. That's one area in New York. Right under the little George Washington bridge on the New York side. Just drop your car off. Then I mean, come back the next day. He's gone. You see a family of brothers driving him on the way to probably. They probably take it, burn it, get money for the parts, whatever. But it was well known. Just drop your car off. Oh, yeah, dude, I love like just places from growing up, places from the past. There definitely was a lot of stuff about Jersey. Like, did you all ever go on any like family trips and stuff around here? Yeah, yeah. This is where my mom liked this shit too. She did? Like history and stuff? Yeah, she loved American history. She loved American culture. Yeah. When we came here, that's what really like blew my mind.

23:35My mom wouldn't go to a baseball game, she couldn't stand for a national anthem. And normally they get me started on my uncle. He has to watch the game from beginning to end. Seven inning he gets up and does. They love all that shit. The tradition of it. Because they were anti-revolutionaries. Castro took all that shit. So when the United States took them in, they always felt like they were endeared to the United States. And that was a good way. I learned a lot from that. I didn't think they were into that shit. But my mom was pro-America, pro-everything, A to fucking Z. And it was like I said, I didn't know my mom had it in her. But she wanted me to be a Marine. She did? She wanted to walk me in there. And the plan was a Marine for four years, get out, law school, and then go back as an officer. Wow. An officer in a gentleman she wanted. I don't know my no fucking gentleman, but an officer. But I think about that shit. But look, you met a lot of officers, bro. Yeah. And I say you're a gentleman, bro. Fuck yeah. I've always been a fucking gentleman. Yeah. I think that deal with joy bananas.

24:36Was what ended that kind of like what ended the Marine thing, you think? Her dying. Oh, yeah. One sheet that I was like, whoo. That goes raw. You're like, you took it. And I still considered it. And when I got on trouble, like in honor of her, did you consider, or you just considered it? Oh, yeah, considering honor. And I even went up there and talked to the recruiter, but I got coked up the next night and I missed the blood test. Oh. So I was always embarrassed. And I thought I'd faint at the blood test. When he said blood test, I threw a fucking wrench in it in those days. Yeah. If I knew now what I knew then, I would have signed up in the service. Yeah. And I still believe it. I think so too. And I look back because I wasted some years. Wasted years. Listen, I've been in Jersey officially six years. That's a law degree. Yeah. That's how you have to look at things sometimes. Like, that's why when you're in high school and I come to you and go, I feel you want to join the Marines. I'm going to sign up with 20 years, like 20 years. But guess what? You get out when you're 38 now and you have a second life with a pension. Somebody financing that and medical benefits and all this shit that comes with it.

25:40And you get the battle too. And now you're a badass. Yeah. You're 38 years old. You just lived a complete different life and you didn't need not to pull a trigger. Yeah. There was no war for you to get deployed to maybe they sent you for operations to Chicago like my nephew to learn about operations and fucking, you know, intelligence and shit like that. But think about it. How much time we blow as Americans and then you're like, pro, that really happened eight years ago for you. And you're like, yeah, that happened eight years. And you're like, I couldn't done so much with my life in eight years. But that's the path we chose. I'm happy I chose it now. Yeah. I think about that too, man. As hard as I chose, I think like just be a social kind of screwing around. I love to be around people. So it's like sometimes I think like that was always like, well, I just don't want to commit to something. I just want to be able to be free. But I think yeah, I would have loved to have had that like, what's it called when you stick to something and you organization built into me, you know, if somebody would have led me there, you know. As you guys know, moon pay is my go to place to buy crypto.

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29:52That's tr-y-a-r-m-r-a.com slash Theo. When did your mother pass actually? When was 16? When you were 16. And you found her right? 15. Yeah. I found her. Holy shit. You bad motherfucker. Wow. Wow. Look at you, bro. Haha. I even got medals there. Hell yeah, dude. That's beautiful. Yeah, look at you. There you go, dude. Wow. What was something else that she liked to do? Gamble. She did? She's gambling now. Heavy. Like you talking dominoes and stuff or no? Baseball. Really? A lot of baseball. She'd bet on games? Fuck it. And go to them. Wow. And then it got once she sold her business it got worse. Because now she was bored. And now she's started picking horses. And that's not a good thing to do on this side of the country because you have a noon race and about, you know, like somewhere in my office or you have like, so there's all these

30:55tracks that one ends and one picks up. So you might come here in a daytime down the shore to see afternoon. Gamble, which is great. Go into the track on the afternoon. You put like 50 bucks in your pocket, you got a clam chowder and you're on the sun watching the generator. It's laughing your ass as well. But my mom would go from that and then she'd go home cooked dinner and then go to the metal ends at eight and cats tonight. The metal ends. If the metal ends wasn't good for her, she'd get into another car and go to fucking Yonkers. Now we were talking about addictions and what addictions make you do. Yeah. What would possess you to get in the fucking cab at 11 o'clock at night to make it the Yonkers for the night racing till two in the morning? You don't get out of that fight too in the fucking morning. Was it dogs at this horses or what? It was horses, dogs, pigeons, but I would have a fuck day. So here she is, boarded that going to games, gambling. At that point, she invested in a jewelry company, but she was buying the jewelry herself for her. She going there every day. I think I need this ring. So what did we accomplish here? And it was what she was going through with the separating from my stepdad and all that.

31:59And health wasn't good. She kept drinking and she came home one night and punched the ticket. And everything changes. You know, at one point, you're like, fuck, everything changed in my life, feel. And then I didn't want to live for a long time, but I wasn't going to kill myself. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I wasn't going to live. I didn't want to live, but I'm not going to cop out and jump off a bridge. I just do something fucked up and hopefully it'll shoot me. Yeah. And then God never happened. What do you think that is that part of us? It's like, because I have, I have had that man where it's like, I don't want to live, but I'm not going to kill myself, you know? I don't want to live buying and kill myself. I can't do that. There must be something inside of me that does want to live, Dan. Yeah. No, that's it. It's just maybe it's an excuse, but I know that there's tons of people that walk around and be like, I don't want to live, but I don't want to jump off a bridge and embarrass my family or this or that. Or, you know, one foot in front of the other. Yeah. That's what you've got to keep moving yourself, even when your brain is like saying whatever. I think that's what if you just can keep moving your feet, you know, just keep trying, you

33:02know? And the step is easiest thing. Sometimes it's the smallest thing you can do, you know? Did you feel like your mom like deserted you kind of her noted? Did you ever think like it was that feelings or she just had had enough? No, she had just, she got it a broken heart. It's a triv school, a broken heart. This guy's as a, this guy's as a heart attack. And it was sad because sometimes I think that what her last feelings were as she was getting the heart attack and she was yelling for me, but because she had a fucked up habit of waking me up at three in the morning, cooking on that particular, I'm like, I don't want to go downstairs and eat. I don't want to go downstairs and hear this shit. And then like 40 minutes later, woke up and I saw that she hadn't come up and I go, let me go downstairs and see. And she was on the floor. And then I had his disco. And it's a fucking realization. You know, I was just talking to a friend of mine and I kind of got upset. And I told him, I go, my mother's been gone for 47 years and there's not a day that I don't, at one point, you're like, fuck.

34:05And he's got something going on with his mom and I said, so if I wish you, I'd go take care of that. Because she's at an age where she could tip tomorrow and now you have to live with that pain. And I go, let me just give you an example. I died on good terms with my mom and I still have like this pain. That just, you know, and I learned things about myself. The I learned that when I was, and I remember I'm like, I don't know why anybody into part of the healing process for me beside the acid and the fucking, you know, I was a sophomore in high school. So I couldn't stop living my life. Right. And at that time, and you're also a really coming into your own life and you kind of obsessed with your own world at that age as a teenager. That's my dad had an option to move to California. With my uncle, I had an option to move with my godmother in Harlem, but I was already set in North Bergen. I had already put this work in in North Bergen just to be somebody, just to try to be cool with parties and, you know, be funny. Whatever the fuck I was thinking, but this is something I realized when I moved back here.

35:06Part of my healing process from my mother at that time, because I'd be out with you to a four in the morning, like a year after she died. Yeah. I was with you, whatever, and also on the way home, I go drop me off over here and you said to me, like, don't you live around the corner? Yeah, but I'm going to walk a little bit. You go, all right, man, you good? Yeah. What I was doing is sneaking to my mother's house. I would just go to where we grew up and sit in the steps. Nobody was in the house yet. Wow. Just to see if maybe they made a mistake. Just, just, just maybe, maybe she took the wrong bus home that night. Maybe she went to the wrong house. You lied to yourself. I was just 17 year old kid. Yeah. So, whatever was maintaining me, but I remember thinking to myself one day, you know what, man, she went to Cuba and she got to come back. Yeah. And this is all going to get straightened out. I'm going to live my life until I get to call. That's the biggest lie I ever told myself. Wow. And you know, when I moved back here six years ago, the first year, I was struggling and

36:07it was because of that because she lied to me. I thought she was going to make a comeback like John Lennon, but she never fucking did. So it fucked me. I'm a man enough to say because she had said that she had said she was going to move to Cuba and come back. No, she was dead. Oh, in my mind, I made up this lie. Oh, that you kind of as a coping mechanism. That party you still believe. Yeah. You know, I'm broke. I went to Cuba for a weekend. And I'll get a message from her eventually, maybe the arrest her in Cuba. So now when you came back, that thing never came to fruition. Like when I came back after two or three months, I'm sitting on my balcony one day and I'm like, she never fucking came back. And honestly, as grown up a man as I am and it settled, it bothered me. Like she didn't come back. But then at the mean time, it's like, Joey, nobody dies and comes back. Yeah. It might leave you a note, you know, like a little flaw on my fly out of the sky one day or something. But I had a deal with that, but it was from the lesson that I learned when she died, that I used that as a coping mechanism, telling myself that maybe she just, right?

37:10I remember one night, I got so fucked up, I went to the grave and started digging up my hands, bro. Wow. Like two months after she died, I went to the grave one night and I fucking coaked up state and God knows what I was on. And I just found sticks and shit. And I, you know, after an hour and a half, I'm only done an inch. Yeah. I just wanted to make sure she was dead. And maybe I was seeing things right. Maybe the acid lasted a little too long. It was just, it was that unbelievable to me that she had died. But here we are. 47 years later, slinging dick. And at the end, I became what she wanted the most. She wanted to be a man. And in her world, a man wasn't a guy who slings dick and a man is somebody who provides who is responsible because well, the last fight we got over. Like 10 days before she died, I had a curfew. I never had a curfew growing up. My curfew is, if you're not home by 11, call me and let me know what time you're going to come home.

38:10That's fair. If you don't get to that point, if you tell me 1140 at 1139, I better hear from you again, telling me again, what time you're going to come in? Right. I don't want to know what you're doing. That was the deal we had at home. I never could figure out. I would go to a controlled mechanism, right? And the last time I did that, I came home and then she smacked me. I was 15 years old. She just took up fucking and smacked me in the face. And then I just walked in my room. And then the next morning when I woke up, she was dead. And she goes, I smacked you in the face because someday you're going to have a wife. And you have to be responsible to your wife. She has to know where you're at all the time. And I thought, I'm not going to get married. You know, you're 15. I'm going to be a playboy. But now I understand. I understand those things. So that's right. You know, it's like me moving from my late at Jersey was to really see if I was a man. All right. I'm out there with my friends, Gagland. Now, let's see, moving back into a neighborhood, a community and being part of that community

39:12and having it be in a child and that community. And that's how I judge that stuff. You know, no drama, no rational, DUI, no nothing. Just live my life and try to be a little better every day, just a little bit, just a little bit, not much. Is there ever like moments where do where you like, where you have like a moment with your daughter and it almost feels like you're giving that moment to your mother. Does that make any sense in a weird way? You know what I'm saying? Like, is there ever... I was so fucking lonely and I'll tell you, you throw a brother. Thank you very much for being a gentleman in the scholar. You know what I'm talking about? Like you kiss your own head and it's almost like you kissing your mother on the head. Like, is there ever... No, no, no. I took that question the wrong way. I'm sorry. It's like, well, there's more. When I was born, I also had a sister. When we came from Cuba, my sister wanted a state of finish out the school year. She never got here. So part of my mother's pain and sadness, that underlying, with deep in your veins, and

40:12she wouldn't realize it till, with time, two in the morning. Wow. Once you get home and the party's over and the cocktails start, all of those old feelings come back and she would get sad at it. She missed her daughter. She missed her daughter. She raised a child without a daughter, without a family. And she did everything she fucking, congressmen, she fucking donated, bribed. And then, anyway, not to even go there right now, confused the audience. So that was always her underlying whatever. So she always wanted a child. And here I pop up with a daughter. My daughter has the same kind of body as her. Sad, thick, Cuban attitude. So I see a lot of that in my daughter. When I kiss her, I'm kissing my daughter. My mother. She's dead. I'm saying like I'm kissing my mother. I just meant like, is there some psychology there? Absolutely. I think somewhere along that, when I hug her, it's from my mother. Listen. That's her. I'm responsible for this little kid. I go to Austin and I just come back because I want to come back, but because she has

41:17a baseball game. So I'm going to be a part of her life. So I try to be involved with her as much as I can. I drive her to practices. I take her to stand up shows with me. Because I want her to hear what men talk about in the green room. When I go in there, I sit it down. I go deal with it. Right. And I talk about eating ass and shooting heroin or whatever the fuck they're not. But I always wanted to feel comfortable around men. So I've been dragging her to green rooms since she's 12, maybe 11. Just I took her down a rogan, popped her in the fucking green room. Wow. Let her smell that marijuana smoke, you know, let her see what really goes on in life. So when she does get 18 and get get slid out into the world, she's not in shock. Yeah. I wanted to see what men think about what men talk about. What it's important to men when you're sitting there. What's going on? What's going on? Yeah. Because I always wanted to feel comfortable around fucking men. And I wanted to feel like she's got the situation on the control. So I move I make is around that psychology. I'm raising on a different tip, Jack. Yeah.

42:17Everybody wants a smart kid. I want a smart kid, but I want that kid to be street smart. And that's what these children are missing. There's adults walking around that they wouldn't know what to do unless somebody told their wives or what that. So yeah, there's motherfuckers running around. They couldn't buy an e-ball if you gave me fucking four days. Yeah. And gave me the money and a straw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Losing a parent man like I remember my dad like my dad was older. So I was embarrassed of him. And that's the thing like I have like a regret when it comes to it. It was like I was embarrassed to how old he was. But it's like so it kind of kept me away from him. But also I was at that age where like you just kind of coming into your own and your parents, you're not really super connected to your parents at like 14, 15, 16. You're doing your own shit. You think you know, you're just kind of like you know, you're nuts are just starting to fucking look around. You know, peak over your dick and look around. You know, it's like things are, you know, things are starting to get different. You know, maybe somebody's flirting with you. Maybe you're sneaking some chick in your room at night or whatever. It's little things.

43:18You're growing up. But yeah, dude, I was embarrassed of him. And sometimes, but that dude, my fucking dad bro, he like, I think I told you he had bought like a Delta 88, an old cutlass kind of car off of some brothers, right? And he couldn't hear. And so he had had speakers in the trunk. So he had fucking 22s in the trunk right. He's driving this car and it would play like Paul Harvey, Rush Limbaugh, you know, just with base, dude. Like Paul Harvey, good day, you know, and this motherfucker thing was just, boo, boo, just fucking rattling. He bought this car like 800 bucks off a couple of brothers around the corner. So he would drive us around in that thing and the fucking doors would have opened, dude. Two of the passengers side doors, we'd always have to jump in the window. Everything in there was just a bunch of shit. He like, he like would deliver candies for a little while. I was putting candies and vending machines and shit. We'd always have fucking like like nine boxes of fucking melted chocolate in the back of his car. So we'd have to sit in there to you fucking get out to you a half black.

44:23You were mulatto, but at the time you got out of that motherfucker and they'd have like dogs come lick in your arms and she just covered a fucking chocolate and you'd have to go to school, dude. So I was already in bear because we're poor and then I had to fucking walk out of here. So a fucking half a kit cat hanging off my neck, you know, and this is the fucking teachers looking at me like she doesn't even know where to start. And then sometimes he would come to pick us up from school and he would fall asleep in the fucking carpool line. So now it was embarrassing because the teacher's like blowing the whistle and he's fucking you know, when his fucking Reese he comes fucking falling out of the mouth. It's just like this like dear God. I just felt everything about it gave me like so much shame because I think there wasn't the conversation like, hey, we're gonna have some pride in this shit. This is who we are, you know, but anyway, I don't know why I told that story. But that, but that makes your life. But it's so crazy how his kids, we don't see that. Yeah. Listen, my mom would go to Met Games and she'd act like a complete fact.

45:25My mom spent so much money at the Met Games they wouldn't throw her out. But some happened with Rusty Stobb. So she was sitting left field and throw chicken wings when he came back because he didn't make a catch one year and she lost $8.00. So she had it out for Rusty Stobb and she would throw chicken bones out of them. They had to move it to the other side of the stadium and then throw her out because she go that bribe. You know, we go that up to games probably go to games. She had a guy that she give like 20 bucks to the guy would bring you to like the first row and he'd look at the people's ticket and go, you're sitting in her own place. People with real tickets, he would throw a mom and put him somewhere else and give him my mom the ticket. This was insane. You know, this was fucking insane. And I would be so fucking embarrassed. And then she stole a church from the belt. My third, she put my foot on the belt from church. Yes, stole a church and she'd take it to the Met Games and ring them for good luck. And then when the Met's lost the fucking playoffs to Cincinnati Reds in 73, she actually gave me the balance. She was, get that fucking boo-doo shit out of my house.

46:27It made me lose. I go, they've been winning all season. You having a good time with the belt. Now I got caught bringing the belt back to my own. She stole the belt from my school. Not from some store. She went to a church on a Sunday to meet for me to do whatever the fuck singing the school band. And she saw a little bell and took it in her purse. And now a year later, she's giving it back to me to bring it back because it's boo-doo. I'm like, you're fucking, and this is how I lived it. So we're embarrassed about these things. But once like that sounds intense, where you go out to the car and your dad's asleep, that's fucking it. And that's when you just turn around and make believe he's not your dad. And get in here son. You know, I remember one time I was swimming at a pool. My mom told me when you leave today, make sure you make your bed people are coming on. I'm like, my mom, I'm not making my bed. And I know if we got the conversation, I said listen, why am I going to make my bed? I'm going to go back to sleep and she looked at me right in the face. She goes, why do you wipe your ass? You're going to shit too, I was later, right? So I left and went to this pool party with some girls.

47:28I'm playing like a pit. I got my gold chain on and shit. And also I hear, oh, Santorio, and that's my real name, Jose Antonio. Oh, who's Antonio? She actually came to the fence and was yelling and people like, who is that lady? I'm not, I'm not, I don't fucking know. Got my one one. Get her out of here. My mom heard that. And I want one of you to put up a fucking kill you. Then I saw trying to climb the fence. She threw the stick over and was trying to climb the fence and shit. And I just took off and she chased me for like fucking 20 minutes, hit me with the fucking stick. And I put my hands up the block. She lost her mind. And she went and got a bounty, a bounty role, living on fire to burn my hands because you're not supposed to lift your hands to your moms. That's the world I came from. I came from a heavy duty fucking world. I had a someone on Sunday. People came over and all these people are talking about shit. And I looked at them and I go, I don't know what a fuck, who raised you? Yeah. But in a fucking mouse, you could, a kid couldn't talk at the fucking table. Yeah. They look at you like you without killing me and eat me.

48:29You're going without killing me and saying nothing. That's how they looked at you. Like why are you speaking? Yeah. And in my house, I got these people talking about shit. I still remember going to a friend of mine's house and I couldn't believe how loose white people were at the table when he was Irish. But one of those conversations when I, he told his dad, he's like, you know what, that, I don't even believe in fucking God. I think you're all fuck. That motherfucker got up and started punching him so many times in the face in front of me. I almost fucking died. Good. Bows in his own shit. Teet were missing in shit. People talk too much shit at the dinner table. Shot the fuck up. Especially kids. What the fuck? What the fuck are you talking about? No shit. Dude, my mom always had like this air of like this odd superiority of like, we would fuck like, she would like, we would go to the McDonald's. You know, once we get the chores done on Saturday, the big thing was we would get to go to McDonald's, right? So she would make us listen to Brian Adams and Leonard Cohen and shit and like, we fucking didn't even know what this shit was.

49:29And we're sitting there like, have I told you lately that I love you? I'm out there that's fucking nose deep in a toilet bowl. I can clean in this bitch. Clean him white. Bro, it's four years old doing fucking whites and college, bro. And you know, because those are the two that I knew just from that neighborhood we lived in. But those of, you know, those are the loads I was responsible for, dude. Then she would take us to McDonald's, bro. But we kind of had this like pattern where we got to order. And then she would like kind of shush us a little bit and she would order a Mick fish. But like it was like a, like it was on like a special menu. Like it was like, like a on tray or something that they had there. You know, she kind of like, she always had this weird superiority. She's like, all right, now quiet down. And she's like, and I'll have a Mick fish. You know, like it was a fucking like, like these motherfuckers don't get to say shit. It's just chicken that they fucking squirted some fish flavor on. It's fucking, but she always had like, I don't know. My mother always had this weird. You're still tired of mom, right?

50:30Yeah, it's gotten better over the years, you know? And like you're saying, it's like these days, I'm just, I pray my gratitude is I'm just grateful my mother made me, right? It's like, I don't know what was going on in her life. But somehow, whatever it was, she found enough energy or love or whatever happened to at least make me, you know, like, and I got here. And the rest of it is like, yeah, it wasn't up to me early, but it's up to me now, you know? And so I can try my best. It's not always great. But yeah, I got over something like the old, like I'm gonna like hold stuff against you. Life was fucking tough. My mother, when she was growing up, like her dad was kind of crazy. Her father was crazy. He would, at months at a time, he would, he wouldn't even use the front door. It was her and my grandmother. They would do, they were cleaning. My grandmother was a cleaning lady. They would go clean houses. My mom would go with her sometimes. But my grandfather would stay in his own room. And then he would go in and out through the window. He wouldn't use the front door. He met him, slot his food under the door over there.

51:31So something was obviously wrong with them. So I imagine like a little girl thinking like, man, my dad doesn't even want to see me or something, you know, who knows? Who knows what happened? But yeah, when you hear about people's lives and shit, it's like, fuck. People are trying their best, you know? And we had some good times. I'm going to date some strange guys sometimes or people were trying to come over and smash or whatever. I'm sorry to interrupt. How will we union that past? 16. It's one of the same boat, nothing special. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? We ain't something special. And how long did it take your mom to date again? Oh, she fucking would probably date in about four years before he died. Oh my gosh. So it didn't take her that long, you know? But it was like, yeah, they just, you know, like, but dude, my dad was just fucking dude. And I think back on it, bro, it was kind of, bro, he'd pull up at the post office, there'd be no parking spots or whatever. And he couldn't see that good. So we'd ask us, is there any parking spots? I don't fucking know. You know, I'm a kid. I don't know what parking spot is, you know? So he'd be like, all right, you're getting pretty tall, you know?

52:31And he'd be like, I'm going to run in here, drive around the block, dude. And this thing had no power steering. I would fucking take this fucking thing. I would have to extend my foot to get the gas to it now. Like, remember, extend my foot, like push it long. Dude, I'd take this bitch around the block. I'd hit four or five cars, dude. Fucking boom, boom. And his car was so banged up, you couldn't hit it, it had hit 2000 cars. Every car in town had been hit, had been hit by his fucking car, dude. Just motherfucker, bro. And I just keep going to the circle out there until he came out. Holy. I was, I was probably, I don't know, 12 probably. I didn't want you guys to tell me that you just sit on yellow pages without you. When I was a kid, dude, we would, when you drive, I'm sorry, when you drove, you sat on yellow pages. I can't remember what we had. Somebody told me a story that they used to, that dad used to make them drive. It's not yellow. But now the stories are, you know, it's like, yeah, but that's some of this stuff is hero as tough as it is or whatever. And people have tough stuff, man. I mean, your life, I can't even imagine that. No. But it's like, you know, you just, you, you find these little things that make you a

53:32story tell, that make you curious, that make you pay attention, I think. I was always paying attention, you know, like somebody, there was a lady who would fucking come out in the evening by the other apartment and she would come out and fucking like, she'd have like a daquery and she would be like, she, you know, just lay on her fucking car and ask me how her body looked and shit. No, I'm out there. I'm fucking, I'm six years old, you know, then we would light shit in the ditch and like, you know, she fucking, just be out there as my body looked, you know. And I don't fucking know what, and I would get real close to her leg and like, look at it real close like that, you know? Like, I didn't know what the fuck I was looking for. I didn't know. I would get right a bar neck and shit and look at it. And I'm like, yeah, it looks fine. Um. Hey Spotify listeners, when you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff, unwind in the AdMIRAL's Club Lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty vites and refreshments. In flight, stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi, sponsored by AT&T.

54:33Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive. And matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at AA.com. Look, I work out, okay. I'm in there. I'll be honest, which I know my way around a barbell, okay? I know how to get to the second story of a stayer master. But I'll be honest that sometimes it's easy to fall into a routine. The same four lifts every week. You just kind of get plateaued. And I'm on the road a lot too. And sometimes it's hard to find a good gym nearby. And sometimes even any gym at all. So I want to recommend this app called Ladder. They set me up with a real coach. His name's Brian. And he's on team vitality. And his whole approach is built for exactly my situation when I'm on the go. You got dumbbells, body weight stuff, mobility, conditioning. Nothing that needs a gym. I've done his workouts before in green rooms in the back of the bus anywhere. Think if it like having a personal trainer in your headphones.

55:35And it's less than a dollar a day. So if you're a guy who keeps telling yourself you'll get back into it. Once your schedule calms down, look, I've been right there with you. And it doesn't calm down. Go to ladder.fit slash TPW and take the quiz. Don't match you with your own coach. You get a free seven day trial, no credit card, and 10 bucks off your first month if you join. That's ladder.fit slash TPW. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you could wake up tomorrow and do one thing better, what would that be? What would that be? Well, for me, it would be listening. I just want to say I don't want to listen in a way that's, I don't know. I feel like you could master the art of it. I feel like it's a skill like anything else, maybe. We just want to be able to absorb things in a way where I'm not trying to do anything. I'm just trying to listen.

56:36And then maybe the right question would just light up inside of me, like in my brain or even in my heart first, it would just kind of spark up like a little pilot light. Or sometimes it wouldn't be a question. Sometimes it wouldn't be a question at all. It would just be, hey, just stay listening. So I think for me, that would be it. How could I listen better? Better is a feeling, you know, defined by you. And for better help, it's a better help therapist who really gets you. It's a focus on global emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over 100 countries. It's progress. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash Theo. That's better H-E-L-P.com slash THEO. It's so funny when we look at our lives and we think that we grew up fucked up. And in a way, we grew up with action in our lives. We shot it at that age. Like there was a lot of action in my house.

57:39We could go here, we could sit here right now and go out with what was going on in my house at that age. And I dealt with it. It was something that was there. And I stayed away from some of it. I participated in some of it, but not in the bad way. Like my mom and step-to-head were part of two different fucking bookmaking operations. So that had it, you know, pressure to the house. After she trained them all those years, he decides to partner up with somebody else. So there were just so many things towards the end. And I just lived my life around them. You know, I moved out of my house and I was in the sixth grade, right? Did you? Well, I left Catholic school and I got to go out of Catholic school. I went home and there was just too much shit going out of my house. I couldn't sleep at night and I moved in with my friends in Union City and lived with them for the whole sixth grade year. Wow. I didn't like sleeping in my house. And you just made that choice yourself? Made it myself. My mom lived it because my mom's bar was three blocks away. I still stand. So I would leave school at three, go up north, go to karate, or basketball practice, eat dinner

58:42at my mother's bar. On the way home, I'd get a bag of clothes. And I just fucking go there that night, I had some clothes there. Take a shower and walk to school from Union City instead of sleeping in North Peragon because I didn't like what was going on in my house. Yeah. And there was nothing bad going on. But first off, they both came in at three in the morning talking shit. Yeah. And then she cooked a eight-course meal at four in the morning and wake you up. I got to get up at seven thirty to fucking morning. Yeah. But I made steak, eggs, black beans, a lobster tail. Fucking three thirty in the fucking morning. So it was just so many of those things I couldn't fucking handle in my house. Yeah. And again, now you look at me and go Joey, that's exciting. It's exciting for a few nights. Right. Because you come downstairs, my uncles would be there half cooked up. They'd each give me twenty bucks for school next day. That was great. Yeah. But everything else, now I got to sit there and listen to these fucking y-uses at four in the morning like it's two in the afternoon. Yeah. And they would cook while they were cooked up. Oh, yeah.

59:42Why are you cooking? That's just... I mean, then everybody would be looking at themselves at six in the morning. The fuck is wrong with your retards, but that's the house I grew up in. Yeah. That was the shit that was going on. And this is why I always... I'm very strong in my homes. Yeah. Me and my wife's got that Southern, you know, Tennessee shit. And both... There's no alcohol on my house. I mean, listen, if you come over, you want to drink. I got beers downstairs. Right. But there's no real alcoholic parties at my house. I don't want to see alcohol on the fucking tables. That's just me. Yeah. Because that gives them the green light now to live like I did. Next thing you know, your daughter's 18 is she's drinking like Bert. No, I'm going to fucking... I'm going to fucking, you know, I don't want none of them now. So I smoke out outside now. I do everything I do inside the house. And when I walk in the house, I check myself. When I walk in to make sure I got no bad spirits on me. You know what I'm saying? So I walk into the house that's normal. We live like an American family. It's crazy as that is. People think I'm at home at night fucking watching porn.

1:00:44Nothing. I haven't watched porn since I was fucking 13. I go home and it's just a regular normal American fucking life. Wow. There's no butlers. There's no nannies. After all you've never had a nanny, nothing, nothing. I don't want nobody in my fucking house. Yeah. Nobody. At night when I go home, it's to relax. So there's never any pressure on my daughter. I wanted to make it a warm home. But my daughter, I didn't grow up in a warm home. I grew up in a home when I got up to go to school. My mom would call him a fucking contra-spanation. I don't need that in my life. My daughter doesn't need that in my life. So that's why I strive so hard to have a clean home. I keep everything out of my home. I mean, I got weed there. I got pieces. I got shepherds. It's a clean home. Yeah. You know? And I take pride in that. Amen. Yeah, I think creating what you couldn't have too. And create it. Yeah. It is because you knew you loved your mom and you knew they worked hard.

1:01:45But that was not how you chose to live anymore. I rather live a different fucking way. And that's exactly how you know I didn't want alcohol. They used to bother me to get up and there'd be beer bottles in my house. Nothing bottles me more than that. Oh, it's gross. And they put a cigarette in that beer bottle. And by mistake, you knock when those beer bottles over and that shit goes into your furniture. You never get the stink out of nicotine beer. How do you fucking shit? So I've all as much of a coke head as I was and all that shit. There were nights I did coke and wouldn't drink. I would never drink. Yeah. Because I didn't want them to spill. I rather snought this bitch. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, dude. I remember my bike seat would always get fucking stolen or whatever. Some dude was using it for something or whatever. And so a lot of times I go out and I'm one of my bikes. You would be gone. So I'd still ride my bike, but after ride standing up the whole way, you know, just little shit like that. It was like, but every time you just take it in your own head and just kind of move it along, you know, but I do four mile ride. Just fucking because I didn't want people seeing me get off of the bus with the like the real poor kids because it was like embarrassing to me.

1:02:46And shit was already embarrassing enough. I felt like so it was like, but it's interesting the way you kind of like manage stuff is a kid. Once you start having to kind of manage shit, that's when life kind of gets different. I think for some kids, when you they got to start kind of man when things are some sort of way where it's uncomfortable and they got to start managing a little too early. That's when I feel like it's different, but, but yeah, dude, we had some fucking times man. We are. Oh, dude, do you give or take Greyhound to go up to the shows or whatever? How was it up here? What do you mean Graham? Graham bus? Yeah. Or Peter Pan, you ever take one of them? No, just Graham. Graham. Graham. How you should take Graham's when I was a feature act? Yeah. Oh, dude, when early on, I would be taking some Greyhound sometimes, dude. Well, we had this one stop. It was over by like Ham and right now had some dude. He would always, they call him the Hammond Slurper, right? This dude would get out and he was just a gay dude or he pretend like he won gay or whatever, but he was really being gay. But he would be like, you know, hey guys, if anybody wants it here in Ham and he was just

1:03:47making an announcement and all this like, you know, like I'm giving it out, you know, and everybody be sitting there like fucking who's going to get up, you know, who's like winning the gay lottery or whatever. And every now and then you'd see some dude like I'm going to step out to smoke or something and somebody go follow him over there and he was blowing dudes over there and ham and over there and ham and Louisiana. With a blow job is always wet brother because of the humidity anyway, you know, you fucking just put your winger in the air and you feel like something's sucking on it. Just that kind of area over there. But yeah, Greyhound, I'm trying to think bring up anything on Greyhound. You got any crazy stuff? Some of the stuff that's happening on Greyhound. I used to get on Greyhound Twitter feed, right? This is what I used to do. I would get on in there because they have a bus help. It's at Greyhound bus help or something. And people would be like, look, we pulled over here off the L.I.E. this motherfucker some fire, right? Somebody's calling somebody's four year old a f***er or whatever. And I would be like, I would just reply from a personal Twitter. I'm like, don't you worry guys, we'll be right there, right? These motherfuckers.

1:04:47What do we have here? Here we go. Here's one right here. The dude on the left is doing knife hits of meth on Greyhound bus. Both are arguing constantly. Oh yeah, that's how, baby. That's how, dude. So that's the neighborhood where you would take the bus out? Oh, man. No, this is just random people talking about stuff on Greyhound. During reloading in Tallahassee, the driver left me at the station and most of my luggage was in the bus number 86846 heading to Jacksonville. It passed now than 24 hours. I reported about it. No feedback still. I'm sure here, my silver luggage was stolen on 822 from my way to Buffalo. I made a claim and they didn't do shit for me to wait for what? Yeah, you done. You lose anything on Greyhound. There's no customer service. Oh, damn motherf***ers. They won't give you a hug. They won't even give you a f***ing hug. So that's a cold way to travel. But when you're making 400 hours for f***ing 18 shows and you want a snorkegoat and have

1:05:50a good time, you got to cut back at some different divisions. And that's why I used to take the LA bus to El Paso, Texas. No. As a feature actor, when he started headlining, he didn't pay much. So I would take the f***ing Monday night, express 1145, got your tell pass to a one o'clock the next day. No. You want that bus overnight? Yeah. That's only made a few stops. Oh, yeah. But f***ing, I was on that thing one time and the heat broke and there was like 20 Asians going to Texas and after about two hours, that bus started kicking. Not that the Asians were dirty with them. I'm not saying that. Yeah. But it was hot and the body sweat, that whole bus smell like a yin-yin f***ing factory. Oh, yeah. I was on and then it had Greyhound and whatever. Something my first time ever in El Paso, about to leave Saturday night. I just got paid. And some guys like, hey, man, you want to do a bump? And he gave me two and I looked on it. You know, I could buy something because not just take the rest out of this. It was like four grams of cookie gaming.

1:06:50Wow. And I never forget the next day, I got into it all that night. I wanted to save something to take back time. How did you save some? Listen to the f***ing story. Yes, sir. Something made me pass out. I woke up the next day, I got to cut the three grams, whatever was in there, put in my pocket, got in the bus, take off. I'm happy as sh**. I had to go on the back of my pocket. I do two bumps and I'm ready to sit there for 11 hours doing little bumps and all sudden the bus gets pulled out by three f***ing immigration cops and with dogs and sh**. I'm dead. So I did the best possible thing. I took the f***ing grams out and I snorted one f***ing swipe grounded up through in the bathroom, wash my hands. He's like, get to your seat. My hands are washed. There was no coke on me, but now I had a deal with the f***ing three gram wine I did. Also, I couldn't catch my wind and sh** and then I just thought it was sweat. Bro, by the time they got there with the dog, the dog was barking at me from a distance. You know, like, because it was coming out immediately. I'm sitting there, 390 pounds f***ing sweat and cocaine juice.

1:07:55My little mullenca juice and God knows what else was coming out of me. That was not a pleasant experience. Another time I was out one going to Buffalo and I started a conversation with the girl. I didn't even say nothing. She started talking me out. She's a stripper and she got an STD in Buffalo. So it's not that girl who's f***ing humm up. Like a Christmas carol or whatever. This is a check on the gray. I never get better. And even if she did, how do you get the humm in a Christmas carol? Well, you push it. That's a complete different conversation. Use that involves money and cocaine before you get to be that open. I didn't know if it was a different, same girl. No, no. And she's telling me that if you go to the doctor and they prescribe something, it goes on your stripping license or whatever. So it goes on a report and they won't let you dance until you go back to the doctor. And she's like, I got three kids. I got a dance. So she was going from like Buffalo to Syracuse before the paperwork shot over. Just so she can get a couple of wiggles and get paid before the f***ing everybody knew

1:08:58she had VP. This is the kind of people you meet on the bus, which makes it entertaining. All the best. And it's part of comedy. It's part of the f***ing gig. Yeah. You know, think about it. You might go to a gig now and take a private plane. It's great. We've earned it. But at the same time, look at how we used to take a bus and be just fine and get there with a story. And as a comic, we base our lives on stories. Before I even go on my material, I took a bus here today. I got an hour material on what I saw. People having sex. I saw this fat couple f***ing them back. He got stuck. They started yelling. Shit like that. Yeah, per safety or whatever. What makes you think, get on the ground? You could f***ing, I mean, what? Wish them and Tyler, you want to f*** somebody, f***ing the first class or the back of them on a plane. But I f***ed on a greyhound before, man. You did? Oh my God. I did. You know, I love a Christian. You have better Christian than I am. I was so lucky. Yeah, dude. And I don't even know if I wanted to, but I think you just met him.

1:10:00Huh? No. It was a girl I knew. Okay. We were riding them. No condom f***ing. You're going awesome. Two strangers. They didn't have any condoms on the bus. I remember even asking a driver and it was at night and he's like, I told him straight up. I was like, I'm trying to make out with my lady back here. And he's like, while drive real slow, if you break me off and at your $40, so I f***ing hooked him up. And he drove like, he probably drove 25 on the interstate. Almost like a romantic sort of thing in a way. Cause you don't get to go that soul in the interstate. I mean, this was back when I was proud. I was probably 55, but he put the flashing lights on and shit. I felt like a f***ing like a president or something. I felt like I was traveling to heaven. But yes, she was like sitting on my lap or whatever making love back there. But yeah, I remember that, dude. Greyhand, they'd always have something. It would be like some dude said his dick on fire or whatever or two dudes were looking for somebody's dick or it was always the stuff that happened on there was crazy. One time I'm on there, a guy's like, he said, hey, you want to see something, right?

1:11:02And I thought it was going to be his wiener or whatever. He opens his bag up and it's just a bag of jewelry, right? Like he just robbed a jewelry store. Then he picks the bag up and hands it to me to look in it when he does that under the bag, got his wiener out. So I lost, you know, or I even won or whatever. I don't know what it was. But if you were to stop coming out of the water. Yeah, just disappear. What would be the memories that you missed the most about doing coffee? Going up at the original room for sure. Me too. And also bringing somebody up. There's something also special fun about bringing somebody up. And I think also just watching comedy in the original room. Me too. That's all the things I missed about getting high, sitting in the back, sitting in the watch and comedy. But I mean, like, this is my life. If I was your son and I came to you and said, Dad, I'm 21.

1:12:04I know you've earned money and you want me to go to know the day. And but dad, I want to follow in your footsteps, you know, and you at first, you'd be a little upset. You know, can we do this later? I don't want your mom to hit his shit, you know? And then eventually got to deal with it. And in the process of dealing, you have to think of what you went through. And then you have to look at the whole house, the buses, the people in my pain, and all these shit. And I got to be honest here, including my jail sentence the first 10 years of comedy, and everything else that's happened the last 40 years, I would do it all over again. I would do it all over again. It was well worth it to ride the education that I got as being a comic is world renowned education. The shit we've seen. Yeah. And then on those trips, when they lose your luggage or plane rides or who's on the plane with you. And I think I missed the struggle. I missed struggling. That's to get you to their car the next day.

1:13:04Yeah. I still don't like it easy. I got to struggle a little bit. There's something that's out there that I want a piece of, and I'm like, do whatever I can to get it. I'm just making up an imaginary scenario here. But that's what I enjoyed about living in LA. Every day I could hit the plottery. You know, you try to motivate people and speak to people. They understand what you're saying, but not really because they hadn't had it happen close to you. Prove it myself, I think. That's one thing that I love. You know, I think about somebody like Ralph, you're man. I strum a mean Ralph. He going to shop right in shoplifting turkeys and shoplifting co-cuts and doing all his crazy shit. And also, one day later, he's living on Wusher Boulevard in a fucking penthouse. And he's got a coffee table with three pounds of weed on the coffee table of three different weeds. That's nice. See, when you see that, you go, okay, that's what I want for myself. And if he did, I could get with it.

1:14:05Okay, that's where it's opening the door for somebody else. Like, I'm trying to get this guy on the podcast, but I've been a fan of since I was in the eighth grade because he changed my whole life. He played for North Carolina and he started as a freshman. White dude, Irish kid, six foot seven. And I still remember turning the TV on for the final game and then I'm going from Jersey to New Jersey, Michael Corrin and me going, that dude is a freshman and he started at North Carolina. He's doing it. White. If he could do it, I have a chance to get the fuck out of him. He nodded as a star like him, but it let me know that there's more beyond Jersey city and your neighborhoods or you know, more than someone Louisiana, I'm not putting Louisiana on it. I'm just saying the back of your mind, you're like, there's something bigger out there. And if he went off there and got it, I'm going to go off there and get it. That hit him for me. And it still does. I think about Michael Corrin once a month because I knew the door.

1:15:07He opened for me mentally. He opened this door mentally without ever knowing. I want to get him on the podcast to thank him to his fucking face. Michael Corrin. Michael Corrin, they even did a write up about his mother in Sport Magazine because it was Rosie her name, another Irish mom. And she was a waitress raising this single, you know, she was a single mom. Yeah. Yeah. This motherfucker started as a fucking freshman in the semi finals. He had 33 points to the final four. He busted out 33 points. Then as a freshman, they ended up losing to market. But that didn't matter to me. The fact that he was a kid from my fucking neighborhood. That was doing something that was doing something. Just let me know how you fucking do this. Hey man, not being a millionaire and not doing it being a big time job. Just doing something letting me know, you know, look what you're from in Louisiana. There was a big time football player from there. That's you.

1:16:07Oh yeah, we have you had him. So let you know that you have a fucking little bit of a chance. He's possible. Yeah, we had a Nilell Silvan was his dude who like who lived like right. He lived in a neighborhood right around from us. He lived over in the ozone and he was like, he had like the letterman jacket and he played football. And I think he went to play University of Tennessee. Look him up if you can Nilell Silvan. American former professional football player. Oh, he played for the bucket years until it was. And where was he from? Can you click on his wiki from coming to Louisiana right there? That's where you're from coming. Yeah. And so man, it just yeah, he played college at University of Tennessee. Do so. So yeah, there was something. And when you saw him, it seemed like, oh man, I something there's something possible. There's something possible out there. I could do something. I could do something. I could be a water boy and pistol peat marriage lived in our town. So that was like a big deal. Why was gotta get me started on pistol people?

1:17:09Oh, he, he, you know, I asked my idol though. He lived over there off of janky. Oh, dude, I got to pair of socks. I got to send you some pistol peat socks. I bought them years ago. Never took them out the package. They're nice. They're like, they're nicer. They're nicer. Just like a nice pair. Oh, he wore. Oh, no, I sniff them if he's fine. Oh, my god. How fucking pro. I let my wieners leave him one on that night. Oh, my god. Say, I'm pro. So I'm close to pistol P graduate from you. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But his two sons grew up in our town. So he, his ex-wife lived there. He had gotten a divorce or he passed away. Right. But they had a half-court and a bat and a top at our house. So I remember we'd walk around and they had this house and we just kind of ridiculously shaped and he just, he was a different dude. He built a half-court in his attic. But it was like a real half-court. Like it was, the attic was just a unique looking house. And so things like that were always interesting. And then Lee Harvey Oswald went to our middle school. And so it was like shit like that. I was like, I could be a fuck, you know, I could... I could shoot the president.

1:18:10Yeah, something. But little things, it didn't even matter. I don't care if Dracula went to our fucking kindergarten. It was like something could have happened, right? And there was like a lore in the air. That was another thing. It put lore in the air. One of my favorite stories that I tell people all the time now about you that I just even learned like two years ago was when, was that James J. Braddock that yo used to go shovel snow in his driveway? Yeah, how crazy is that? Dude, that's like, did that send a relevant as my favorite? I remember when Porriet fought over there in Jersey. I went and prayed at the statue before I went over there, dude. Cause I was like, this is it. Cause he's kind of like, you know, he's my Braddock. He's a lot of people's Braddock in a way. But when you told me that story that he would break you guys off a couple bucks to shovel snow in his driveway. That's crazy. And he was just a regular guy in the neighborhood. Just a regular guy. And he had kids in the neighborhood. They became cops and shit like that. They just went and went and went. Yeah. I didn't know about the, the, how big James J. Braddock was

1:19:12when I was growing up. It was too late. I was 10, maybe 11, 12. And they told me that he was a famous boxer in shit. Yeah. I told my mother, my mother said he was good. Whatever the fucking, he was good. That was it. Yeah. He was good. She liked him and some shit. She saw him fight at some fucking thing. Cause my mom would go to the garden to watch fights. She went to my mom, Ali Frazier at the garden. I still remember being fucking crying and shit. She let me with a baby so that I was our broken dog. That's really, I tried to get the baby so that I suck my dick for 20 bucks. And she took my 20 bucks and quarters and blew on my stomach. I was gonna kill this bitch. I required to get those 20,000 quarters. Oh, at that age for sure, dude. How could you even, I was, and the next morning my mom used to wake up with me and make me like the pseudo oatmeal. And then she'd have to give me, yeah, we grew up in a cuba house. I have to drink orange juice with not the Cortata in it or something.

1:20:13Cortata, this shit, what's it? Some oil seed, something like fish oil, like fish oil. Oh, I forgot. It's still around. Now they got it in different flavors. So must face worse. But for three years, my mom would give me that three or four years. Every morning, you puke that up. She didn't give a fuck. You're not going to school till you drink this because I was a sickly kid. Yeah. And I still remember her pouring the thing from like my out of talk to you. She had just woken up. She was probably hung over on my mind out of talk to you. Peter, I gave, T the 20 bucks to suck my dick last night. And she didn't suck my dick. And my mom's looking at me like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, that's on the air. 20 bucks, mom. And if I don't get my money back, I'm going to fucking kill it. I want my fucking money back, mom. I'm like, I'm going to stab her right now. I was your kid. So 20 dollars to me with a lot of money. I was pissed. That's a year salary. I still remember being fucking pissed about. She just, but I remember I got all fired up.

1:21:13I took a shower. Yeah. I put a V-O-5 in my head. I put a gold chain on it. Yeah. And I just sat in my little room, my little dick on. I thought she was coming into the socket now. So I told my mom, I want my fucking money. So my mom goes enough, enough, enough. I'll give you the $20. Just don't have to list this happen again. And she goes, can I ask you something? She goes, let me ask you something. Yeah. I have a bar. There's always a bunch of hookers there. You think they'd suck your little dick for $20 fucking dollars? It's usually $100. So I'm when she told me, I'm like, what the fuck? I'm not an hours for a bow job at my mom's bar. Oh, dude. My mom, I don't know if she was blowing people or not. I can't even remember. I'm trying to think. She dated though, I remember, dude. And whoever she would date it, I'd always have to be. She dated one guy who gave us tickets to a football game. My brother and I went in a scalp or fucking the dude, some undercover cops offered a buy and promise and then they tried to arrest us for scalp in our tickets.

1:22:14And they're like, you guys are trying to scout, sell to him. But we didn't know. You asked to buy. You know, just fucking, we had another, my mom dated this guy, Donnie Ferraria. I worked as like a, they had to do this whole door to door Italian food. He had a little wagon. He'd go around and just sell it, sell it and Italian. And I worked as his apprentice. My mom was kind of, I think they were dating in hindsight for a bit. No, this is after your dad passed. No, no, no, this is before. He was still a while. Because they've been separated for a while. Right. Okay. So they got separated. But yeah, my mom was, she was a, I told you, mom said, listen, I love you, but the dick don't work. No, I think I gotta go on and get mine. I'm saying I gotta go on and get mine. I've been a mom. I raised these motherfuckers. I gotta go suck something. Dude, my mom dated, my mom dated this one dude. And he would take us just to the continental breakfast at a motel and we go sit in there and eat, dude, we didn't even stay there. You're what I eat in that pool for breakfast. We get all dressed up and go eat there, dude. He wore like a cowboy hat. We didn't fucking know. He would take us in and to fucking holiday in over and we'd sneak in off the side and

1:23:16just go fucking eat in there. What else happened? Yeah, but she dated this guy, Donnie Ferrari and he had like this. It was like that, you know, just Italian. I was his apprentice when I was probably like, no, and it's something we sell them fucking strombollies door to door and shit. Dude, we had a little wagon or he had a little wagon and we'd full up and dude, he was, but he was trying to smash all these women and I finally caught on like this dude is supposed to be talking to my mother, but he's out here and I'd be waiting there fucking that up a couple of bunts and burners. I'm fucking there warming up a little tray of fucking, you know, uh, Manacardi's or whatever and he's in there massaging the lady's shoulders in the kitchen and shit like it was always some bullshit, you know, but that was pretty fun. That's back when they had like the swan struck the different food trucks would come through the neighborhood and you could buy the food directly off of some guy, you know, wow. Yeah, we sold door to door Italian for a while and I wasn't bad at it was just so fucking hot dude. You're lugging 35 pounds of fucking Manacardi down the bike.

1:24:16No, walking. We'd walk in the back and put it in his van and then drive it. How we left home when I left almost 13, man, I went and live with friends. Okay. And then how long do you left that area? How do you really like that area? Instead, I went and live with my mom because she then she moved out to Arizona. I went live it up for one semester out there and then I moved back from my senior year of school and that was fun, dude. That was so much fun. I was so lucky to be from Louisiana, bro. It was fun. People's storytelling, but did his people telling stories and his weird shit happened to do. I'm in the first time I got a little bit of cocaine, you know? Cocaine. Oh, God. Fall down there. Yeah. And it's wet. It's always fucking wet, you know. The top half inch is fucking, you know, it's the only it's like comes with a head on it. It's like Mikey, it's like I see Mike's head. Yeah, it's like yeah. Yeah, it comes with a fucking head on it, dude, but I bought some cocaine. I thought it was a performance enhancer like a creatine or something. So I'm fucking snoring this shit. I ran eight miles out there on a railroad track, dude.

1:25:19And I didn't miss a fucking, you know, you should go on a railroad track. You're like, boom, those, the things going across the wooden, I didn't miss a one boy. I fucking was cruising. How old were you the first time you did cocaine? Probably right then. Uh, it probably was about 14 or something. Oh, Jesus. You beat me by a fucking year and a half. Really? Fuck yeah. But like one I do, this one I do, he would ride a bike to work and he would, uh, and I'd give him some of my tip money and he would do a little bit of cocaine. He had two eyes when I met him and then when I remed him, he only had one, uh, the coke was good. I mean, something was good. I should was banging the track. It was good. It was, uh, his eye left town with some of it, you know, it was fucking good. But yeah, I was, I'm trying to think of something else. Oh, from growing up, dude, we had like a job that I went in my first jobs with was, uh, we had this one dude named Fuzzy who had this fish finder service and it was like, he had this thing like a fish. You remember, it was like one hundred numbers.

1:26:20You could call it and get like a tarot reading or whatever, like Miss Cleo or whatever. Well, this dude had one and it was a fish finder. He would call you, you could call this service and he would tell you where the fish in the state where you could fish, right? So it was like, we got the bet, you know, like Lake Borragá was got the fish, right? Or Chafonca, you got him in a Chafonca today. They got fl- you know, they got tarp in out there on the, you know, in South La Fouche or like, you know, they got, um, you know, they got bram off a Peecon Island or something like that. He would, so you, people would call this number and pay a fee to talk to him and he would tell him where the good fishing was for that day. And so I worked over there at the little call center over there and you would just answer calls and you had to keep them on the line while he was waiting with the person he was already talking to because the guy lived in our area. So that was pretty crazy, dude. You would just bullshit with these motherfuckers who were, who were trying to get like a hot read on some bass or whatever, you know. So, but even just shit like that, you get into it and then like life becomes like this sort of thing that's like, all right, you know, this is interesting.

1:27:20And then I think God just blesses you with different characters that come by. We had a guy at work out the story before, but he would deliver pizzas and, um, we'd make up fake, fake, he'd never watched any pop culture, he'd never watched movies or anything. He was like a born again Christian or like reborn again or whatever it's called unborn or whatever, fucking twice baked or whatever for Christ or whatever. He was just like a little potato skin for the Lord, this guy, you know. So he, but he would call, he was a manager at the pizza joint. So we, we'd make up fake pizza orders, you know, we'd make up a, you know, a pizza order for like, uh, you know, it could be anybody. It could be fucking Wesley Snipes, right? Like four miles away, one in six pizzas. So we'd make the pizzas. He go take you and no idea, he'd never heard of Wesley Snipes. He never owned a television, anything like that. He was always at church. So he'd go deliver the, he'd go out there. We get drunk while he was gone. There's some hot fuck when we come back. He was always running like a Heathcliff T-shirt. Remember Heathcliff that cartoon, he was always wearing, it said like Heathcliff loves Christ or whatever on it. And he was always wearing that bitch and he'd come back and we would fucking be leaning

1:28:23on the broom, just bent out of our minds for him. And but when you get back, it was almost like he was bringing the pizzas back for us because we'd forgotten. We'd even sent him out there. We'd drink so much draft beer while he was going in the pizzas were still good enough, you know, to eat. We're like, fuck yeah, we got pizzas and we cheer him on when he got back. Well, excited. This fucking just, whatever money we're, the business we're going to make for the day was just gone, bro. And these pizzas was wet in the middle, bro. And I'll say that to lie, bro, the pizzas that they sold were wet in the middle. And that shit was a turn off to me. Interesting, you fuck. Yeah. Pretty interesting shit. It was just interesting shit, you know. It was entertaining enough, you know. I heard that you were going to be spending time down in Austin, man. So am I. I had to do it. I had to do it. Just the mathematics is better for me. The stage time. The stage time. Yeah, same. Like I said, the essential jersey is very nice. I'm out of the city and hour.

1:29:24But where I live in my situation now, Kamali's rub some nights, you know. And I find myself maintaining, but not improving. Okay. I don't want to maintain. I got him. And for me, I know this from day one, for me to get me where I got to do a couple spots, multiple nights. Yeah. So I started going down there, you know, when Austin boom came, that wasn't for me. I'm not that, I didn't need that, that bad. I had already purchased a house here and I wanted to, you know, to establish myself here. So Austin was nice. I always enjoyed myself there, but I wasn't going to just pick up a move because everybody was doing it. Yeah. And bring my daughter. And then over the years, I started going twice a year. And I started going three times a year. And four times a year. You miss tacos, you go back down there again. And I noticed that ever since last November, I started going down there once a month. And there was always the same thing. Tuesday, leave Friday. Get there Tuesday morning, do three spots, Tuesday, three Wednesday, three Thursday, and

1:30:29get up to the plane. But then I come back here for three weeks and I do another one a week. So I was like, this is just, it's not enough. It wasn't enough. And I just started making friends and then, you know, I've been friends with Carly. I don't know, I don't know. And as a friend, she's like, have you ever considered playing GTA? And I'm like, no, but I never played a video game my life. I was always too busy stealing. Yeah. I don't have a time for fucking games. That's what the game is. That's what the game is about. So you're streaming now? Yeah. I stream twice a week. I mean, you know that. GTA, grandfather, whatever you want to come on, it'd be fucking dog. It is a blast. It is a fucking blast. I'm an old man. I get it. I know. Don't you have a life? I don't think so. No. Who cares? The game wouldn't exist if you hadn't lived your life. Yeah. No. You're right. You're right. Fucking, they owe you copyright. I'm over there running over people robbing liquor stores, shooting people. It, look here. This is. I'm trying. I don't think you got ammo. Yeah. I just like shoot motherfuckers.

1:31:33Bro, that's awesome. I just blew a guy up, bro. What the fuck in? Can they do blowjob? Can you get a blowjob in this? I think you get a blowjob at the strip club, but then Twitch will ban you. Oh, all right. Twitch will ban you if you get a blowjob at the strip club. Listen, I didn't know what I was doing. These guys taught me how to do it from scratch. Yeah. And I go on to like tonight, I might go on there, but maybe not because Callie can't stream tonight. Maybe I'll go on there Sunday nights. You know, I got out of that one in the morning. I went out to do comedy and podcast, and I got back. Callie was streaming. We have another friend. We have three of us, Pedro. And we fucking go off on that, man. I eat a few edibles. I smoke some dope. I put my little earphones on. I got music. Everybody's sleeping. I got a little office in the back to play it. And if this is what I'm doing now, this is what I'm doing. It's how the times are.

1:32:34There's not some people that can't, there's not even a lot of jobs out there. You can't grow a crop. You grow a fucking, you grow a pumpkin or whatever. It's got them, you know, it's got metals in the middle of it and shit. Everything's got a, you know, things are so messed up now. You got a corn field, but half of the corn's got fucking Velcro on it growing out of it and shit. Like everything is just merged out. It's like, yeah, if you were an adult playing video games, I didn't do it as a kid. I didn't play any fucking games. You earned it, dude. Every kid should be able to play video games. That's why I tell people, I'm 63. I'll let you know what I want to do when I grow up as soon as I find out. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I'm having a good time doing what I'm doing. And, you know, that having, I love seeing Joe once a month. Oh, yeah. Perfect for me. I'm just a Joe talking some shit, smoking some dope in the green room. It's not even that. I like going to sunset hanging out with red bad. Yeah. You know, I'm going to start going more to Creek and the Cave. I'm going to start going over there and torture Rebecca.

1:33:35It's a nice little comedy community. If the guys like us, we're right there. You want to do another spot, go to the Vulcan. And beside that, I'm going to open Microsoft over there. Oh, we do. You can go down there and what would take you a year in another city? I think you can do in four months down there. Yeah, comedy wise. I really believe that. Even in LA, if you're popping around, it's still extra popping around, you know, but there you can manage it up and get it in, especially if you're really working on it. So you could do three spots by nine. Good spots and a good audiences, go to fucking Austin. The show started seven. Yeah. Some of them started six. It just mathematically, it just made sense. And then what I kept going on there and seeing my hotel bills, seeing this, I'm like, I need a pad. Yeah. Red bands building. Have you got to go that? No. And that's why I picked an apartment. I'm a red bands building on the 44th fucking floor. Is it fancy? Oh, yeah. Fucking everything. Red lights on. And downstairs, cold plunge, poker room.

1:34:36Fucking supermarket downstairs. If you need food, you can get the supermarket. They got everything. They do it all for your Amazon returns. They do. They'll return it for you. Oh my God. Put it in a room and they. I have a bunch of shit. I never wanted. And I just have it, dude. We started making ornaments out of some of it last year. We fucking hanging this shit on the tree of just Amazon return. There was so many, you know, the people who come to our shows, love us and they bring us gifts. And I would just come home and put the gifts in the closet, open what I could. Yeah. When I moved, I cleaned out that closet. It was six feet deep, which shit all the way to back. I opened up like two hours with the package. This is what I found. I found 34,000 cash. People would put money in cards to me. You just pay 30 to come see me. Why are you putting on and out of bill? You give me more money than you paid for the fucking ticket. But that's the people we have coming to our shows. They're very grateful. So you got to take the fucking extra leap. They're going to be that cool. When I opened that up, that God, there was books.

1:35:38People give me books and I'd open them in the middle, be 500 cash. I have like two books like really? A couple guys put the money at the end of the book. Damn. I got to look at some of them. I've had some books. Yeah. Would you do a monthly show down there? Yeah, I got my dates already. You do? The first third Thursday of the month, seven o'clock, showing the big room. And that's October, October, 15th, 16th. Oh, man, I'll be done. November something and December, I got booked. And then what I'm doing is I'll do that room Thursday. And then hang out Friday and then Saturday. See, he's going to get me something I go do like Casino, a theater and then I come home on Sunday. November's interesting. December's interesting because I'm going to do Tulsa, Houston. And then I'm going to write the Austin. I'm going to stay there until like the 18th. Finish out the year there. So when I come home, I'm home for Christmas. Got it. But my wife wants to go back down to 26th of December. Does she like it down there? Yeah, and my daughter really fucking liked it. Really? Remember, I wasn't going to get a one bedroom and I'm like,

1:36:38one bedroom. I need some more fucking room. You know, we need some room. There we go. Joey, the ass and friends. Look at Joe Rogan. Look at the fly. It looks like they made it from fucking paper. Mesh, I got to talk to Adam. Oh, yeah. I'm doing that just a one show month covers my rent than the fucking plan. That's the biggest thing. And I get to see friends. I get to eat the biggest thing. You get to watch and see people. That's the thing. I start to notice, man. You know, I had to take some time. Like, I think I've had some time off. I was having like, I tried to get on new med. I tried to get off of my meds. And I was trying like different plant medicine stuff because I really wanted to get off meds. Right. I always wanted to because I got on them 23 years ago because I was going through a bad time in a relationship and I was still in on the pitch. I went on one six years ago. I'm trying to get off it. Yeah. I don't even see it affecting me anymore. I don't even see if you work out and do all the other shit. And you get somebody watching jaws. Is it affecting us or never again?

1:37:38No. No. Apparently here, like, hold the stop. So yeah, that'll be, but it'll be so good. Yeah, I'm there, dude. And it's like, yeah, but yeah, I had to take a bit of a... Listen, man, when I went, I told you what happened last time. I was having it down there Saturday at 10 in the morning. That night I get home from whatever I'm doing. I open up Instagram to see what's going on. And you made a popping, I'm like, I didn't want to call you to tell you I was coming down. I want to give you a hug and surprise you. Yeah. So when I went down, sadly, that's all I was doing. And I went to do a show on the other side of town and somebody goes, Theo's at the mothership right now. Yeah, and I said, all right, let me shoot over there. When I got there, they said, you just missed the motherfucker. And I stayed there for an hour and then they called back again. They're like, we're all at whatever. Betty. Becky, come on down. You know, Theo's down in. That's when I got on the bicycle with the five girls. One of them was my niece. One of them was Carly, my partner in the club. And then there was Christina Mariani, who was...

1:38:41She's the best. And little orr. And I had a blast at those bitches. They took me to fucking the bed. See, we walked out of that for 30 in the morning. I don't know if I haven't stayed out past one in 20 years. Yeah. And here I am in Austin, Texas for 30 in the morning. Not even sweat, not even... I had a couple cocktails. I mean, I was it, but I had the best time. Oh, yeah. And that's the other thing, man. I got to do a lot to find happiness in town because at my age, the biggest thing you want to have is communication in your day. It's great. You want to be alone, and that's great. But you have to communicate with other people. That's why I go to gyms and the more... Oh, isolation is bad. I hear the boxing gyms. At this age is the biggest thing I'll get you. It's boredom and not having social. I'm 20 years old to the other dads in my block. I get it, right? I'm a fucking dinosaur compared to them. And when I talk, I don't know what they're talking about either. So the only people I have a couple girls that are my friends, like moms, because I've met through SOAP on shit. They'll call me and say, we're meeting up here if you want to come by, have a drink.

1:39:42Besides that, there's no guys who call me. Wow. I got like three neighborhood girls. Dude, my friend, yeah, one of my friends ended up working with me. So now we're co-workers, which is nice. We're still friends, but it's working also. So there's part of that always in it. One of my good friends, he was playing football there. And now he graduated over there. He was playing at college. And then some of the friends have moved out of there. So yeah, Nashville's like, it's good, but I don't have as much of that. I got a good Bible study over there though, but I don't have some of that like day to day contact that I want, but AA's gotten better over there. So that's been good for me. How you doing with the program? Let's talk about it before. Yeah, it was getting choppy, man. I had some tough times this summer, you know? But it's gotten better. Sorry. No worries. It's gotten better, man. Yeah, I don't know. I think there was just like, I don't know what was going on. Life just fucking got kind of crazy at certain points. Just like, sometimes there's just a lot going on. And it was just like, you know,

1:40:44I got away from my program, you know? I think there was a point to where I think over the years, I was just torn into, it was just too much, you know? And you don't, like, I guess you do know, but I don't know. Some of you just learn them for the first time. You're like, I don't know what's going on here, you know? You make some money, you don't know what that's like, you know, popularity. Some things get scary. But yeah, I just got away from my program, you know? And so I had a lock back in and so now it's been good. But most of the time I've had, it's been, it's been sober time, you know? It's just when you, you know, it's just I've had, yeah, more recently it's just, it's been chopier than I would want. This is very much, you do the same shit every day to get you to where you go. And for me, ever since I moved, I got a lot of you six years ago, I was struggling with mental health, signed up and spoke to a therapist, went on some type of medication.

1:41:46It was not good. I looked in the face and tell you, I got dark when I left LA. I then I was, that shit where my mother started about, she never showed up. So it was like a long 18 months. And therapy really helped me. I figured out what the trouble, fucking spots are. If I wake up at three in the morning and feels on my mind is a problem. I have to talk to feel. Yeah, I used to ignore those things. You know, I would get up to piss at three in the morning, go fuck. I'm thinking about this day I took and I should know of and all that shit. Right. And once you start getting a lot of those in my life, some's not right. So I had to eliminate those. Like some happened last week, I woke up two nights in a row, thinking about something. I got up this week and cleaned that shit up instead of letting it ride. Right. Can't do that because I was so busy with comedy and being a dad and podcasting. Yeah. You overlook a lot of things. So and right now I'm about to do that again at the age of 63 with podcasting and stuff like that. So I just had it learned how to take care of my mental.

1:42:50I started paying attention to a lot more. And I think that jokes me a little bit. I'm done with. Yeah. You know, I was doing great now. I was doing theaters, two theaters every weekend, two podcasts a week, eight spots a fucking week. I'm doing all these fucking things. And now I wasn't happy. I just was not fucking happy. Wow. I didn't like how things were being handled in my life. I didn't like the bullshit that was going with it. So I said, you know what? I switched agents. I stayed with CAA. Nothing with the other agent. I just didn't like how we were doing business. I didn't like I shouldn't cringe when you call me. I shouldn't look at the phone and go fuck what's this motherfucker one. That's what was happening. So I had to go back and clean all that up. And I decided I'm going to do comedy, but it's not corporate comedy. It's 63. I don't give a fuck if I get canceled. Yeah. I don't give a fuck about anything as a matter of fact. There's only one thing I care about is being funny and making sure those people have a great show. I don't have Netflix on my mind.

1:43:51I don't want to do a special. I don't want to do much. I got an audition for a voice over to do it. It's for ghost buses. That I'll do. But everything else, I'm not in the corporate mood anymore. I'm not in the mood where people are coming up to me with three people up to the show. You're great. I'm not in the mood for that shit. Yeah, that's a bunch of fucking shit. That's just a bunch of shit to take you off your game. So now this is why I incorporated Austin in my life and incorporated what I'm doing. Now I'm just going to be funny at 63. And I have an 18th month window, I turned 65 and that goal is to give it all out balls out and try to be the best I can to I'm 65. Then I'll see what ticket sales are and everything else and our route reevaluate. I'm a lucky 63 year old because right now I'm supposed to be on a ship. Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm out here hand picking gigs that offer that meet Casinos. They pay well, you know, little residencies. Cause oh, yeah, you don't do something. And yeah, there's a lot of possibilities. So why am I stressing? I was doing the road completely different before.

1:44:51It was corporate and it was business. I was only there to pick up a check on Saturday. Yeah. I was not happy. So that check came in my hand. I don't look at it like that. No money. I want the fucking check. I want to have a good time. Yeah. If I don't have a good time, I have to check. Yeah. I'm just so that's my outlook now. I eat with this window. Somebody asked me why five year window. I'm like, I'm 60 track. I went from the grade one of that appeal. I ain't no window. It's like a fucking fleet window. It's a doggy door. Yeah, it's a doggy door. So and but then I said, no, you have to live with some type of purpose. And you have to have some type of purpose where you stand up. And this is what I'm doing. I'm happy to hear that, man. Yeah. I'm glad to do because yeah, and we need your energy there. And I need to hear that because yeah, I'm getting back. It's like, I'd take it some time off, you know, we got to put a special together that's going to come out at some point soon. But yeah, I've just taken some time off. I just started getting back on stage. I got up with Janus Popp as a couple of weeks ago, dude. Okay. Bro, that was one of the, he's one of the funniest.

1:45:53He's a funny dude. Yeah, it's Papa. He does not fuck around. Bro, it his show right now is probably the fun. It's one of the funniest shows that I've ever seen. Really? The tour he's doing now. It was so good. Oh, you jump on stage with Janus and Austin. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You went up before he's set. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, he's a fun guy. He's a good guy. And I like Joe DeRosa. There's a lot of guys down there that I really think the world. Like the young comics that in a young energy, the young one who want to kill you want to be a hustle, you want to be in it. They're down there, man. And the other G is really good for guys. My age, we both have time to give each other. I have the wisdom of 30 years that they asked me a question. I could put them at ease. Yeah. And they have the gift of making me feel young. Amen. Give me the opportunity to go up there and rock. Like I was 24 like you're saying, being around, being around people gives you energy, bro. Energy. Yeah. It's all like I'll go hang out around like, uh, I'll go, like, I'm a Vanderbilt football fan. Right. I like Ellis you because that's where I'm from, but, um, Vanderbilt's

1:46:53a city that I live in, right? They play out of Nashville. And so like last year, I went to like nine of their games last year on the road at home. I mean, I they played 11 games. I went to night or they played 12. I went to nine and it just gave me so much life because you just around and it's a maximum amount of. And that's real college football is really glad you got. Yeah. That's not fucking around. That's, you know, I tell people, you don't know what life is to go to a college football. Oh, yeah. NFL is the NFL. Yeah. Colleges, you feel the love in the air. Everybody's having a good time. Somebody's got that fucking tith up. So I always at those games. What girl isn't doing a summer's talk and she's fucking beautiful. Oh, you could throw your dick into the crowd and land in some girls. Yes. You could feel the, you could feel something that's unlike bro football. Oh, yeah. It's something real, which is real, you know, bro football is turning to just more gambling and people just trying to like, uh, you know, people trying to just gamble and just probably a lot of their spouse or whatever. Um, but it's definitely a pro football turn it into a bit more of a racket.

1:47:54Um, what I wanted to talk to you about before I left was our plan for, uh, the future. I love you a lot. You're like a stepson to me. And, uh, when I bumped into you in Austin, you said something to me that night that really made me think and then I started counting for you. I started counting the days for you to give you as much support as I can give you. I'm not there all the time. Yeah. I'm not there all the time. And I really want you to do well with this now. I really want you to put your, because you have a whole world ahead of you that you don't know. And I'm going to explain it to you now. I did cocaine from 1979 to 2007. What's that? That's 21 years plus seven is 20, 28 years, 28 years, 28 years. 28 years I had that in my body. It was in my thought and it does affect you. Yeah. You know, it's not just one package once a week. Now you're doing five packages a week and it starts becoming you. I ended up kidnapping somebody and the pain, my debts of society. And what did I do when I came out?

1:48:55I went right back to the back. Oh, dude, I fucking yeah. And I started comedy during the bag. I got married. I got divorced. I was dead broke. I went through hell for a while. A year. Then you went to the bag the whole time. Oh, fuck yeah. There was no stopping. There was, there was always a bag got divorced. Yeah. I don't talk to that daughter. It's been 20 some years since I spoken to that daughter. Yeah. All because of that patch of life. But I want you to think of what I'm telling you. At 44, I made a decision to stop snoring coke. That was 19 years ago. This November will be 19 years. I want to tell you what I've accomplished in 19 years. To what I accomplished in 44 years. It's not even close. Wow. Marriage, a child, a career, a podcast thing. I did all these things in that little fucking window. So every morning when I wake up, my regret is I wish I had 15 more those years to see what the damage I could have done. Hmm. How high I could have worked if I would have ended up in a renaz or whatever. I'm content with what God gave me.

1:49:56I'm grateful for what I don't have and for what I do have. But if you have a cocktail one time, even if you decide to eat a 10 mill, milligram edible, I'm talking about the shit that gets us down the most. The drug that has driven us down the most is what you have to get out of your system. And Jesus Christ 19 years, I became a dad, the same. Was it stuff you never thought you could do? Never. Wow. Never. And you get this superpower. You get you get to see who the real you was. Yeah. Once you uncover that thing, what's about to come out? If you stick to the program, what's working the program? I have to go to a meeting eight times a day. That's bullshit. Yeah. I want you to go to a meeting once a day. I want you to wake up every day with the intention that you're there to make someone's day, whether you give $1,000 or open up a car door for them to, so that day is better. So Brian isn't just fighting off the devil. It's us a morphing into the new us and figuring out what the fuck the drugs have

1:51:00covered. What views have been covered by the drugs were part of our lives have been. Oh, yeah. And that's when you're going to a woman of pop into your life. She gets knocked up in too much. She's going to give you twins and a beautiful, too girl. You know, this is the thing is that I'm saying to you. Right. It just brings me. Yeah. Because your options are so much. When you're sober from the shit that almost killed you, I mean, how long was I going to continue to do it, bro? How long was I going to go to prison again? Or how? Put me in fucking prison. You know, and I still went out the next week. That's the most addiction is. But once you cut that motherfucker's head off, the shit that comes out of you, man, it takes a while, but you'll start thinking things and going, I never thought like that before. Oh, yeah. I mean, the best times I've ever had, I think are the best that the, yeah, the time I've operated the best in my life has been times when I've been sober, you know, and most of the time, it's been that way.

1:52:02But it's like when it's gotten off where it hasn't been, it's definitely, it's been tough, you know, and then you start to get isolated too. That never helped me. Sometimes it was like over touring that didn't help me. But you have always gone to meetings, you know, just had, there was just, there was a time where, yeah, like in the past, probably six months has been tough to keep a lot of time together, you know, but, but now it's, it's back on track. And so that's been the best feeling, but I appreciate that. And I've always back, even though I'm 20 miles, 2000 miles without you, I think about you three, four times a week. I don't like bothering you because I know you're on, you're in different time zones, every 15, fucking minutes, you're in a different time zone. Yeah. But I want you to know I have your back. I'm cheering for you because I really want you to get the happiness that you've been looking for for years, for years. It might not be a woman. It might not be a kid. It might not be a horse. You're going to feel this is way better than the peptide. Yeah.

1:53:03No peptide, no blow job. Nothing can make you feel. What you're about to feel once those fucking rocks start getting out of the way and the real you comes out, what did you notice for yourself? Like was there one kind of thing or two things that really, there was something right off the bat that I had forgotten all my addiction. The first thing I forgot was that I was a fucking man. And there's a certain way to talk to me. There's a certain way not to talk to me, whether you're a talent agent, a producer or director, you don't talk to me in a certain way. And I'm going to give you the same mutual respect. And I remember one that I flipped out of the fucking director on a commercial shoot and everybody loved it because the guy, he's one of those guys that comes up with the sleeves rolled up to show the tattoo and then with the feather and the Chinese assistant, some fake ass or whatever. And I found myself sticking up for myself more, not giving the fuck about because what I really gave a fuck wasn't ruining my career. It was ruining my little secret that I might not be able. I'm not going to stick up to myself because I won't be able to snore coke three nights from now.

1:54:07Once I didn't have that, no more. I became a fucking animal. That's it. You're going to treat me like a man, bitch. I'm not one of these motherfuckers in studio city. Oh my god. I brought you a cake. No, I got talent, motherfucker. All right. I have to show up with nothing. Right. It was things like that that I started like in that I started, you know, people call you. Hey, it's 340 in the afternoon. You want to go to this audition at six downtown? Can I ask you a question? Would you say your mother down there at six? Yeah. Why you send them me down there? Fuck you. Fuck you. And sticking up for yourself, not in a weird way. Now, I'm very appreciative that you got me on audition, but just the things that Holly would get you confused. Yeah. They start tripping your brain up a little bit. And when you see them, those guys were all the same. Yeah. They talk a big game until you say, how about I slap you in the mouth and watch what happens. The police get involved. This is not right. Yeah. But when you did it, it was right. When you walk around this set and embarrass people and talk, you know, the women. Yes. I just f***ing around. I heard that director Teller woman. She was too fat.

1:55:08Yeah. I don't want you standing over that. He didn't say nothing about the lighting. He just blatantly because he thought he could do that. Telled his girl that was like 28. You're too fat. I can't have you stand there. When I heard that I was like, yeah. And you take that shit because you think that's part of it. You think it's part of it. Fuck you. Fuck you. A lot of these Hollywood dudes, they give bad, they give bad, they give bad, they give a bad name the real cool gay dudes and regular f***er, whatever. They ruin them. Regular f***ers. Because they're, you know what I'm saying? Because they ruin them because they're trying to be f***ing. That shit. That shit was holding me back. Your original thoughts of how you feel whatever you're religion, your part of. Yeah. There's something that you pay the attention to younger. Now you feel stronger about it. Yeah. There's so many things that you see that have been cut off from your life and you're like, how did I forget that? Yeah. How did I forget this? So, yeah. And then the disconnection. And then that show I think it's hard, but I want to be on this planet when you start reaping the reward from that because I want you to call me every three months and go

1:56:12to Joey. This is getting f***ing crazy. Wow. This is getting f***ing crazy. I'm not talking about you involved in an orgy. Life is going to get crazy. Yeah. Life is going to start changing. People are going to start changing. It gets real. And this is what you were supposed to feel since day one. When I started talking, I'd do to show the next night. It would be great. I would kill, but I could feel the connection wasn't there. I'm connected now. I've been connected for 17 years. Yeah. I know exactly what passes through my mouth and now it goes out. So, if I could give anything to anybody, I want you to feel that. I feel because I know it's going to solve 89% of your problems. Yeah. I could promise you that. I could gamble my life on that. If you stick to this program you're on right now. A couple of weights, you're not doing anything. You don't have to become Mr. N.A. and get it that too. Yeah. No, I don't need all of that. You don't need all of that. Just where your heart is. You're going to be a f***ing killer. You're a killer now. I just need to keep my teeth. Yeah.

1:57:12I just got to keep building more time. Yeah. And right now, I don't know. I clock yet 40. I have the last 20 years of your life be how you intend it to live. And that's something I can't sell you. And that's something, and I can't sell you. And I love those programs because those programs really help you. I didn't like the Hollywood and I. I went to it a couple of times and I stopped selling Coke. It would drive me back to Snorke Coke because they don't adhere to the program. Well, sometimes they'd have dudes in there selling Coke. Yeah. They're selling Coke. They go to a doctor that gives them replacement pills to get your high. They all come up with the day. I still remember being at that meeting. It was on, I think a little off the. No. It was a Santa Monica Boulevard. Yes. I went to a couple of them there. Too many people had that a tattoo. Yeah. It's just a few people. People have like a bag of Coke tattooed on them and shit like that. Have a f***ing. They had a gay dude in there was always sucking on people. He had a f***ing big gold tattooed at gay dude, that big black dude.

1:58:13They call him the vacuum or whatever. That's a f***ing bro. Do not even take your wiener out around that guy to end up in his mouth. But yeah, it was a trying time over there. Maybe try. Yeah. But yeah, dude, thank you, bro. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Because I love you. You're the real deal. I've always loved it. It's easy. So that's what I want you to really get in your life. Well, I appreciate that, dude. Yeah, I feel better than ever that I'm in. You look better than ever. I could see it. And this time out of all the other time, I'm just seeing a little bit more confident in your eyes. I watch your podcast, talk. I watch you. You know, whenever I see a video, you jump it up and down and band the bill. I look at you and I make you out. I'm f***ing goon and out there. You wait last night. You know, yeah. Lane Kiffin's got people out there. He's he's too lost his away from probably getting busted for something. But TBD, that's his life. That's it, brother. He keeps things exciting. What else? I'm trying to think if there's anything else we want to talk about, I mean, anything else you want to talk about, Joey?

1:59:13No, I'm pretty good. I got it out of my chest when I want it for you and I love you. And that's it. Appreciate it, bro. We could promote some dates or whatever, but I don't get the f***. Who's happy? I have nothing in September. I have the 30th in Brooklyn. Can you pull his dates out? And that's all I got, brother. Just happy to be here with you. I'm happy you came to New Jersey and yeah, right there, we got Brooklyn, New York, September 30th. Chicago, theater, November 5th. I think for the comedy festival or bird, I think I got a Riverside theater and Milwaukee on the seventh. Oh, that's going to be beautiful, dude. So that's where I'm at, but who gives a f*** about the dates? We'll put them up. Yeah, put them in. And then you'll figure this out, brother. Coco Diaz, bro. Love you, bro. Love you, brother. Thanks for thinking of me and have a great week. And I'll see you. I'll see you in Austin. I'll see you in Austin next month. I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be corner

2:00:14stone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mine. I found I can feel it in my bones. But it's going to take. Feeling short on smiles? Does your frown need to be turned upside down? We got the perfect dose of comedy, 30 minutes of scrubs. Zach Braff, Donald Face On, Sarah Chalk and the rest of the gang at Secret Hard are back for a brand new season. We play medical doctors who are besties. Just like in real life. And we'll definitely be up in each other's cases. Scrubs come here as Wednesday on ABC. And stream the next day on Hulu. Side effects may include laughing, cheering, and lots of high fives. Donald Superman.