#684 - Bad Haircut

0:00I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney Plus. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. A true epic and completely jaw-dropping. This is the only pure thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney Plus. There will be an adventure for the whole fam. And watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home. This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney Plus, is it really PG 13? All um... Fuck. I don't know how to... You never just don't even know how to start the day or a sentence or a... relationship or anything. Does anybody else ever... Did you have that? I don't know. Just like... Yeah, that's how... I'm just having that day. It's like, I don't know. Okay, y'all. Mmm, nice.

1:00Just y'all. I don't... Yeah, so... So when you can't start something, it's kind of weird. You just kind of have to just like... It's almost like if you're watching a guy at a batting in a baseball game. He's in the batter's box. And he just runs straight to second base. If people are like, okay. Then that's how it's gonna begin. And that's how we're gonna begin today, guys. Without a beginning. Because that's where we are. It is the year 2026. I got a bad haircut. Not sure if anybody can even tell to be honest with you. I'll show it to you. You can see it. It's just... You know... It looks southern Amish. I think it has kind of a southern Amish energy, which is... Yeah, it's like, oh, you turn your own butter. And you turn your own sister, don't you? Just like... I think it can be alarming to people.

2:00It's alarming to me. That was it. And I think some people are like, well, dude, your hair... Your hair generally looks like shit. And that's fine. But it's my... I don't know. The guy cut it away that I didn't want it. And so... It just... You know, I'm okay if it looks like shit. If it's the way I want it to look like. If it's... If as long as it's the way I want it to look like shit. You know, I'd said... And he was a nice guy, right? But I'd said... Like, I'd want to half-inch off. And the first thing he does is just rip two inches off of everywhere. And you're... If you're a guy like me who does... Is an overall familiar with a lot of inches. You notice when you suddenly lose two of them bitches, dude. And so I was just like... I was in New York City. And you know, it's a time where I was like going to be out and about and walking around.

3:01And like... Yeah, I just got into like just haircuts. Shame, dude. And frustration. I felt like even the birds wouldn't look at me. Do you ever have like that? Or you just like even the fucking birds won't even... Like even a stream, like if you're walking through a park, even the stream kind of flows the other way. It just like... That's the effect it had on me. I just like... I'm okay if I look like shit. I want to look like the type of shit that I want to look like. And it freaking pissed me off. It freaking pissed me off, dude. And I don't get that angry much, but it pissed me off. And I just wanted to honestly do that. I just wanted to pull my wiener off and fucking... And just fucking just hum it into a crowd of people. Just fucking skip that bitch. You know, people skip it across the lake. I just wanted to just skip that bitch right off the top of a crowd.

4:02Just bing, bing, bing, bing. Just hit a fucking bunch of people. Even hit a fucking guy in a wheelchair, whatever. I don't give a shit. That's how... That's how I always feel, dude. I don't care if it hits a fucking woman or a Native American. I don't care. I don't care. Or just somebody with braids. Let's just say that then. But I just... I don't know. It just like... I don't know. Now I'm feeling upset that I'm upset, but... I saw... But for like a week, I was just dealing with like hair cut shame, you know? And sometimes when I get angry, I wish my... Because like all my... Like my angst, it just somehow it end... There's this feeling. And I want to detach... This sounds crazy, but I wanted to detach my weiner. And just sum that bitch out into a chorus or a crowd of people just singing in the street. And one of them just gets... They get clipped right in the jaw with it. And they're like, what was that? Like I said, D sharp bitch, okay? Get on tune, cut!

5:05Because shit sometimes thinks suck and you just want to... You just want to throw your... I don't know why my weiner... I just want to throw my weiner at somebody. Yeah, and I'm sorry if that's a fendin' some peer. I don't care today, dude. I do not care today. I do care, but... I'm saying I don't. Yeah, I've just always wanted that. I just always wanted my weiner to come all for me. It just like... I don't know, sometimes it feels like that's where some of my madness lives. So... But you'd only be able to detach it when you're angry, right? It would only... That would be how... Because otherwise guys would kind of take advantage of the situation. They would be like some lazy guy would just be like... You know, he doesn't want to like get his dog a toy or something. So he would just keep throwing his weiner. Now he just keeps throwing that bitch down the street or whatever. And the dog would run and get it or whatever. But then the dog would escape with it one day.

6:08And that would be the tough part. And then you have to like kind of wander around town. You're like, yeah, have you seen... Have you seen like an Australian shepherd with a small weiner in its mouth? Anyway... Yeah, I'm just complaining about my haircut. So... And then dude, I made the mistake. I'll say this of complaining about my haircut to a bald friend. Has anybody done... That's... Do not do that, man. I call my buddy Shane. He's like... And I'm talking. I'm just like, dude, I'm fucking pissed, you know? And the haircut, he was nice, but he just... Like I told him. And then at the end, he's like, sorry. Kind of my ego got the best of me. And I'm just like, you're... What do you... I have to wander around now. Looking like this. You know, and it's getting better, I agree. But I just looked like a cat. I don't know. I felt like a fucking cactus in a halfway house or something.

7:11I just... I don't know. I just felt like I fucking just wanted to rub methadone into my scalp. I just... It didn't feel good. But I call my bald friend. That's a worse idea. And halfway through the conversation, I realized, fuck, dude, Shane is bald. And he's like, oh man, I hear you, dude. He's like, I remember... He's like, I remember we had a science project do. And I remember making this volcano. And then I remember looking down at it and some of my hair had fallen out onto it. And he's like, and I was nine years old. Oh my god, fuck, this is... This conversation is gonna be longer than I expected. He's like, yeah, I remember my grandmother had a hairless cat and I was panning it and snuggling with it. And then one time I looked down and it had hair on it. And it was my hair. And I was only 11.

8:11All right, gotta go, Shane. So that conversation took a hit a real cold assack, you know, because I just, I don't know. It's just like, I don't know. And the guy didn't mean to do it. And it is what it is. There's bigger things, there's bigger fish to fry. That's what they always say. There's bigger fish to fry than that. Are there fucking bigger fish to fry than that? So anybody who's ever had a bad haircut, man, that I just, I feel you, it hurts. Because then you'll be talking to somebody and you'll see, you're looking them in the eyes and you see them glance one half of a degree up. And you're just like, oh, they fucking know what's going on. And you feel like, because you look like a fucking child.

9:11Because a child is the one who usually just cuts their own hair. And suddenly you're wandering around with just fucking, with child hair. And you run a business or whatever, are you, people trust you to make their smoothier, whatever it is or to babysitter, to be a nanny or to bury their friends or whatever. And they see your hair and they're like, fuck, man. It's just, it's crazy. An extra inch on the bangs and people lose all trust in you. On a man, on a male, on an adult male. And so sometimes I just want to fucking take my weiner off and fucking hum it right into the fucking galaxy. And see if mother nature will catch it and her fucking mouth because I'm, because sometimes I'm pissed off. So and I'm sorry for that.

10:11In other news, me and two of my buddies, my buddy, Bezile and my buddy, Zeta, we rented a camper. And we just, we went up through Kentucky, Iowa, Illinois and Michigan and did a run there. Probably drove about 3000 miles. And the company that we rented from, it's, it was called K***a. And I don't know if it was the camper that we got. I mean, I guess it was, it was, like every bump we hit in that thing, every little crack in the pavement, it was like, but dying, but dying, but dying, but dying. And you'd think the next bump, you're like, oh, it's not going to make that sound again. You're like, but dying, but dying. And every bump we hit, dude, it turned into a nightmare. You would see like, like the whole thing, it was like a bunch of kids had put it together the night before.

11:12It was like a last minute school project that they put together with tape and hope and just gooning, right? It was like a bunch of high school kids had just put this thing together with fucking Goon Loop, right? It was just every turn we would do is like, the fucking screen would fly across the room or the window sill would just jump out of a cabinet and just try to take its own life. Like we lost probably 75 different bolts, spoons, every bump you would hit or turn a spoon or just a flock of spoons with fucking fly through the air. I think they were heading to Florida or whatever because it's getting colder. It was a fucking nightmare, dude. It was a nightmare. There was like an ambulance following us at one point for no reason. Nobody called it. They just knew they knew in their hearts that we were not doing good. But every bump we would hit a fucking, you'd hit it again and the light fixture would fall out of the fucking.

12:17The oven would turn on and immediately go to 7,000 degrees and just start sucking off a shower head in there or whatever. Nothing made it just everything in there. We left one third of that thing. We left on I-65 or I-40 or I don't give a fuck. We left that bitch everywhere. There were animals migrating into it. There were animals moving in and out of it. There was like something had been gestating in the back near the bed. There was AA meetings and there was like a halfway house group had moved in for a little while. Anyway, I'm just saying it was a nightmare, dude. But we huddled up in the front and we made it through every single moment. We had towels stuffed in every little crevice in that thing. We put it to... I mean, there wasn't all the blankets. Any clothing we had brought, we had to use to stuff in a crack or in this.

13:18And the door would just be... Just like the whole time you were driving, it had a door and then a screen door. And then the screen door had like a little thing inside of it, like another screen door. And it just... I don't know if the whole thing was just screaming for help. I don't even know. It was like, say if somebody took an auto zone, right? And turned it upside down and put it in the back of your fucking car. And made you drive over 72,000 speed bumps for no reason at all. Anyway, with that said, it brought us closer together, I think. And physically it did because we had to all huddle in the front. Because we were just scared. Once that silverware drawer opened, it was just fucking... You hit one curve and a damn knife would fly right by you. Or two spoons would fly by through the air and they would be doing it doggy style or whatever.

14:18You're like, what the fuck? It was a lot. Praise God, praise be to God. And thank you God for being with us. But with that said, man, we had a wonderful time. And we did get tetanus shots just to make sure everybody was okay. But damn. Yeah, if you don't know what it was like, go home to your house. Okay. Go home to your house, right? And open up... Don't even open up the silverware drawer. Open the drawer next to the silverware drawer. The one that has the tongs and the fuck and like the corn, like the corn cob holder. And just like the hairsprites, like that one that has tape and pictures of missing children. The one that has like the BTK starter kit in it. The one that has like all your grill you to go to go get that one that has batteries and fucking bad dreams. And it go open that drawer at your house and then slam your head into it.

15:20402, 100 times. And 50 times, you little piece of shit. And that is what it was like. But damn. But damn. Bro, there's no way, bro. The calcium loss alone from our bones from just dealing with that unbelievable. I'm sure I'll need cartilage work. But praise be to God that we made it through it. And we had a great time. We did get to go to the field of dreams baseball game. And that was verse Minnesota and the Phillies. And they gave me a hat. They gave me a twin tattoo. And so that was nice. And we went fishing with my buddies up there in Wyoming, Illinois up there. That was great. We saw a car show up there as well. My mother's from up there and we stopped up there and went fishing. And I think we fished in like a data center cooling pond or whatever.

16:22And I caught a bunch of old dad. I caught some emails. I caught a couple of emails from a data leak from when they had that. What was the one where they busted the guy, the religious guy or whatever? 17 children or whatever. Looking for whole or whatever. What was that place called? You talking about Ashley Madison? Yes. So we caught a, yeah, we just went fishing. It was a, you know, it was a data leak pond. That's what, you know, a lot of runoff from these data centers. That's what we'll be fishing in eventually. You'll just, you'll go fishing in a, in data runoff and you'll catch old episodes of shows or you'll catch up, you know, a data leak of, you know, and we caught some Ashley Madison emails. My buddy caught like a, it was like a, it was about probably a, like a three gigabyte Excel sheet, a spreadsheet.

17:26He caught that and we, and that might have been a pond record. I'm not sure. But, um, yeah, and I caught some other, we caught some shit. We threw back a couple of sign-failed episodes that were on Blu-ray. Just some sign-failed downloads. We'll be catch some old Vine episodes. So it's just basic data. It's just data shit, you know, my buddy also caught a, I guess they had some MySpace pages and shit that we threw back. But yeah, had a good time over there and, yeah, then the Midwest, do we win ATV? And that was great. And, uh, and in the end, we went ATV and over there in Michigan. And, dude, I ain't been ATV. And we got there and my buddy, he was like, uh, amen, I'm sorry, the track's all muddy. You know, it's been raining here. And we was out rural. We was out rural, out where, you know, goddamn, where there's just way out, out past all the basketball hoops.

18:28You know, I'm talking about rural, out in a place called Marcellus, Michigan. But there, you, I promise you won't get to find a dude named Marcellus from there. But we were out there doing, we went ATV and my buddy's like, man, sorry, it rained a lot. Bro, it was so wet, dude. We just, like, it was maybe one of the funnest things I'd ever done. Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, just hitting mud. And we had some mud, it had so much stink in it. It was just like, God had been just, just, just do do in this mud. We just smelled like God had just been do-doin' in this mud. And when there's tires, we go through it. Just the fucking bowels of Christ would open up and just hit you right in the fucking snout honky. Anyway, but that was great. And then one of the neatest things I ever got to do, man, I want to say this, we got to

19:29go on a cruise down the Chicago River through the downtown. We went right through the downtown, man. And we even, we stuck a cup out of the boat and even all hit a couple water right there. This is like a commemorative moment. But dude, going through, I never gone through a huge city on a riverway. Man, it was, it was one of the neatest things I ever got to do. If you ever get to do it, that's something I suggest. And then yeah, we stopped at this random gas stations here and there. And it was fun, man. And honestly, it was one of the best things that I got to do. Just, you know, just sheer joy because sometimes when things are ridiculous too, by days, by days, it makes it more fun, you know? It makes it more fun. And we just hit that corn, man. We went all through the corn areas where everybody in that bitch, they had steam corn, corn on the cob, corn on your cousin, they had all of that shit.

20:33I was like, you guys, you got any spinach? So like, we got green corn. I was like, I, I, I, but, so it was just like that, homie. But yeah, it was, it was great. And I had a great time with my friends. Well, I put pictures on the YouTube if you get to look at that so you can see some of it. And yeah, that's what's going on. What else? In other news, Maclamore was let go from the edge shearing tour. I'm sure you guys heard about that. He had spoken out on stage about free Palestine. He'd spoken out about Gaza and the genocide happening. And he had played his song, Heinz Hall. And he'd had imagery on the screen of, of the atrocities that have been occurring over there. The Patriots owner, Robert Kraft, who owns Gillette Stadium, where the tour was eventually heading, decided that he didn't want that sort of communication happening at his venue.

21:41And Maclamore was removed from the tour as well as shearing's band dropped out. It's been a big fallout. And I've been thinking about it. And I'm not even thinking just kind of feeling about it, I guess, because you know, Maclamore lost his job because he spoke up, right? Because he said something, right? I mean, it feels like this is probably the biggest atrocity that we've witnessed in our lifetime on our phones, right? Seeing the killings and the people getting murdered and the children getting killed and the weaponry. And we had a doctor on who was talking about children getting shot right down through their bodies from drones. It's like the Israeli government, and I want to say the government, not the people of Israel. I'm not talking about them. I'm not talking about Jewish people. But the Israeli government has turned Gaza into like a video game, basically, for killing

22:42people. You know, it's like, it's just, it's, it's this first person shooter. They have all this technology and, and, and, and, and more specifically the killing of children, right? I mean, the killing of children. And every time that it's like Hamas is hiding, that's Hamas. And it's like, that's a four month old. What can he, he can't even walk. He couldn't even walk into a Hamas office and sign up. You know, they're like, he's hiding or something. What is he hiding behind what? His own tears because his, his mother is missing. Like, what are we even talking about sometimes? Like, I think that's what like, I don't know. It's just like, and, and we scroll past it, right? We scroll past it on our phones. I do it. I do it too. You know, because there's like a new trend on TikTok or as, you know, it's like, there's a new sale on this new hat or it's like, oh, if you've seen this thing, this water filter

23:45gets leprosy out of your shower head or whatever. And you're like, all right, you know, or there'll be a TikTok trend. And it's like, you know, it's like boostin bitches way y'all that, you know, or I need a 10 piece lemon pepper, Gaza City. What the fuck going? But you can't even get a 10 piece lemon pepper in the Gaza because they stop the fucking food shippings. They won't let any calories in there while they hunt down children. They killed every reporter who was trying to report on the war. Like what are we even talking about sometimes? I don't know. I don't fucking even know sometimes. I'm like, just what is going on? You know, and we see it on our phone and it's like, you just become immune to it. It's like, here's just another legless Arab kid that some family is babysitting now in Texas or, and it's like a, I think it's like a test, you know, it's a test to see like,

24:50how much, like, on comfort can we handle before we had before we say something, right? Like how, how uncomfortable can it be? And I'm not calling anybody out like everybody's busy. People are just trying to survive, right? The cost of rent is tripled over the past 70 years or something I think we saw. Like not even that 50 years. It's like tripled and the minimum wage is not kept up with it. It's like people are living in a spot where they're just trying to make ends meet. I get it, you know? But it does feel like we're under this weird test of like, how much pain can we witness? I mean, even Miss Rachel said something. Miss Rachel. Dude, big, somebody said that Big Bird said something that he took his head off the other day and he's just like, this is gotta stop, you know? But I just, like, and I'm not judging anybody here. I'm just fucking, I'm just, I can't help but be alive.

25:52And like, I'm in this fish bowl and at least like, you just see the other fish around. You are getting fucking murdered and their families are not only getting murdered, but like the use of like fancy technology. But then we just get placated, something happens in society and we just, like, you know, the McRib comes back and we're like, oh, they. The McRib is back. You know where there's a new like Marvel, you know, or Spider-Man's gay now or something like, oh, man. I can't barely digest my McRib because Spider-Man's dealing with so much, you know? Where there's another dunk contest or there's a, there's a, they found a possum that fucking gave birth to a salmon somewhere in Zaire or something. And there's a picture of that, you know, or someone saw a picture of like Mary of Nazareth in like a, in a piece of Texas toast somewhere and that takes over your feet and you're like,

26:57God, I want to eat that. I want to eat that thing, you know? And it's like, yeah, I don't know. It's just like, I just don't even know what's going on some days, man. And if you think I'm crazy or whatever, that's fine. Like I'm back. Oh, here's the crazy part. I'm back on my meds. I'm back on my meds. And I, and like, and I'm not even fucking talking about anything. I just like at a certain point, you just, you're just like, what? What is going on? They're just killing kid every other day. They blew this kid up like he was hiding or whatever. Like a kid was hiding. Dude, there was a kid the other day he was hiding behind his hands. He was playing hide and go seek. He was hiding behind his hands, counting to 10. And while the other kids ran to hide behind the bodies of their relatives, thankfully, there's enough bodies, slain bodies of their relatives where they can stack them up now

28:00so they can play hide and go seek behind them. And they have to play slowly and they can only play once every two weeks, because they don't have enough calories in their body to play more than that. But the kid is fucking hiding behind his hands, counting to 10. And they're like, he's hummus. And they fucking kill him. And people are like, well, what? And this is the thing that I don't like. And people may have different views on that. And that's okay. I don't need to have your view. I don't need you to have my view. I don't, I'm not a, you're right. I'm not an analyst. I don't know everything people. You don't know everything you're staying. You're right. I don't. But I am a human being. And I just, at a certain point, you can't fucking, you know, you're asking me to watch every scary movie that ever existed in a row constantly every day and not raise my hand and be like,

29:05Hey, who owns this fucking theater? Where they're playing this shit? I don't know, man. I don't even know. Yeah, and sorry to get upset or whatever. I got a bad haircut. And when you get a bad haircut, everything else comes out. You know, and it's not, I mean, my cousin said it's getting better, but, but, but, and this is one thing, right? Like, I think something that maybe some people don't understand, like these fancy people, these like, like, that a lot of people are living in fear, right? A lot of people are living in fear, right?

30:05Because there's a country that has murdered like 20,000 children, right? I'm guessing. I'm sorry if I'm off. I don't know the exact numbers. You're right. I'm sorry. I don't know the exact number of children that were slaughtered, right? But people are like, why do you care? I don't know. I don't know why. I think it just, it's not a choice I'm making. It's just that you feel like, I don't know. You know, I don't know. I can't, you can't help that you feel something, I guess. You know, because it feels scary, dude, that's the thing. I think some people, well, I don't know what some people think or do. I don't know. It feels scary to me because there's a country that's killing like 20,000 children, right? And we're watching it. And that's a lot, right? That's a lot. And they've taken over this same country has,

31:06is used a lot of like tech companies and scary technology in this war in Gaza, right? In this conflict in Gaza, they've used a lot of crazy technology. Some of those companies are now in bed with American surveillance, right? As well as the government of the country, that has, that's, as well as the fact that the government of the country that's done this is, seems to own our country, right? So I'm just saying that seems scary, that if they'll kill the people right next to them, what would they do to people here? You know what I'm saying? So it's not a crazy, like maybe it is crazy. Maybe you're, maybe I am crazy.

32:08Maybe I am crazy to think that there's a country that's killing a bunch of children that I'm watching on my phone. And that country seems to kind of, I don't know, I don't know everything, you're right. Seems to own a lot of our country and a lot of our politics. Or have the control over them. And the same companies that are doing the technology that's part of the murdering in Gaza or some of the same companies that have contracts in our country, surveillance and technology contracts. And so if they would kill their people right next door to them, it's just you get scared. You know, because if they, if that government comes here, what would they do to us?

33:10You know, that's a thing that it's just like it gets real scary. But the Macrib is back. The Macrib is back and Halloween's right around the corner. And there's a court case on TV where a woman killed some of her kids was accused of killing some of her children. And people will like are obsessed with that. But meanwhile, and that's fine, right? And that's fine to people. But meanwhile, the other 20,000 something or whatever children, I don't know the exact number. You're right, my bad. The other countless thousands of children that are being killed on my phone, that is, that's, that can't talk about that. So that, I don't know, if you think, yes, it all feels like a lot. I think that's what I'm saying, man, it all feels like a lot.

34:14It all feels like a lot, dude. But the Macrib is back. And you know that's just hype, bro. I need a 10 piece limit paper, God's a city. Let them get one 10 P limit, Pepe, into the kick. Let them get one 10 P limit, Pepe, into the kids. Like the fucking kid. Fucking kid. Is that too much to ask to get a 10 P limit paper into the children of Gaza? Come on, Yang. Come on, Yang. It's just all, it's all, it's a lot. It's confusing. I'm not saying, and I'm part of, I'm part of, I scroll past stuff sometimes. It's too much. And I know it's a lot for everybody. I'm not saying anything to anybody. I'm not saying you need to do anything.

35:15I'm just like, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying because this is where I say shit sometimes. I think, you know, I don't know. And if it feels like I'm pointing fingers at you, yeah, I'm not trying to do anything like that. You know, I just like, I don't know. Sometimes I just have to talk about how I'm feeling and sometimes there's just nobody, really to fucking talk about it too. Or there is, but it's like, I don't know. You know, this is what we've always done here. So praise be, man. Yeah, and God, thank you just for letting me exist. I know that there's suffering, there's always been suffering, right? There's always been suffering. And thank you for giving me just a place to exist today. Um, yeah, thank you for just giving me food shelter.

36:15Um, yeah, it's just a lot, man. And it's painful sometimes, you know, and it's just like, I don't know. And sometimes it's, I think it's just like how we operate, like our how our operate is a person. You know, it's like, I don't know. You know, it's like, I don't know. You know, I don't know. I don't know. It would just seem like we're better than this. And I think it's okay to be scared. And I don't give a fuck. You know, I do. I do, but I just like, I don't know. I don't like the fucking McRid. I'll say this, man. It makes me think when I was a kid, uh, and look, and I understand like I can say some stuff that people can't say because my job isn't at risk. I work for myself. I'm sure it probably is at risk somehow. I'm sure. Um, but I don't know that, you know, and, um,

37:17but it just gets scary to think that we could get into a place where you're not allowed to go like, like, like, would somebody be allowed to go to a patriots game if they, um, support, uh, Palestine? Like, like, are they going to start like running an optical test on somebody to make sure that they, you know, like, yeah, see you in an amandola jersey, but do you, you know, do you support Palestine? You know, are they just going to start saying Hamas is in the stands? Like, it's just fun. It, you know, it's kind of, it's crazy to think. It's just scary. I don't know. But, but, but that's, that's, that's the fear. That's what my fear is. It's like, well, if there's a country doing this, their government is doing this. And that country owns a lot of our country or is obviously like, who's next? And that like, I'm not a smart guy.

38:20You know, I think I'm smart about a couple of things, but I'm not, I know I'm not like a big information guy. So I just, I don't know, I can't be the only one that's thinking about this or feeling, or like, or feeling about it, you know, I don't know. It's okay. It's okay. You know, it's scary. And so what? I'm scared or I'm fucking, you know, it's uncomfortable. You know, spin as she, spin as she. But TikTok just serves you up another thing, you know, another down syndrome guy with a hammer or whatever or fucking, you know, the new iPhone 7000, it can tell if your brother's gay or whatever the second he, you know, looks at it or whatever. Or the McRib or the fucking McFish or the McF**k or whatever.

39:22It's all back. You know, here's another, another dancing with the stars. We just found a Chihuahua that can recite the Bhagavad Gita. It just we, every, there's so much information we can't even, I can't even feel anymore half the time. I try to have a feeling and it's just like, I need a Tim P. Limba Pippa. You know, it's like, I fucking close my eyes to try to get a earnest, instinctual connection with God. I got a pocket full of money. Who the fuck are it? And it's just like, it's just, it's a, it's a lot. It's a lot. So anyway, and I know I look, I know I have food in a home and, um, you know, and I know suffering has always been a part of existence. I know that.

40:26So, yes, sometimes it's just, it's just a lot. It's a lot. And I can't even imagine how much it is for other people because my basic needs are met. Um, anyway, or not anyway, but moving on. Uh, what's going on? Personally, let me check in. Today was like, I woke up this morning. I was just feeling overwhelmed. I couldn't, I was like, I was just feeling overwhelmed. I felt like everything needed to be perfect today. I knew I was going to do a solo episode and sometimes that scares me. Uh, I just knew everything needed to be, uh, because I get this feeling like, okay, this, everything, you know, everything's got to be perfect. I got to do everything per, like, I can't do this right. And the second I like, like at the same time as I got to do everything perfectly, the, the, the other feeling that goes with that is that there's no way I can do all this. And I will have both of those feelings at the exact same time and almost let them run a race next to each other.

41:26And neither one of them is going to win. But I'll have those same feelings at the same time. Um, so I had to go to an AA meeting. Thankfully, I didn't have to, but I went to an AA meeting and it was really great. Uh, that just sets me into a place. Like when I go to meetings, it sets me into a place. It just like, when a day feels impossible, it takes that impossibility away. It takes that away. It just gives me more hope. Um, and recently, uh, I've had a tough time, um, keeping sober days together, keeping like, or just building up a decent amount of sober time. Um, I would continue to go to meetings. I just, it was hard for me to keep get like a lot of days. I'd have like this much or this chunk or it's just like, but I wasn't really, I was like, I'd fallen out of my program work. Um, I'd fallen out of my contact with God. Um, and I wasn't working with my sponsor and, uh,

42:33or us sponsor, honestly, I wasn't working with a sponsor and my program just fell off and I fell off. And I'm grateful today. Um, I got 45 days right now, 46. And I'm just grateful to have a piece of time together where I feel just like, uh, a lot more hopeful. You know, I'd always stayed going to meetings and I'd had bits of time and I was putting it together. I just, it was just like, I don't know. There's a lot of like little things stress, uh, being off my Medicaid, just different things that I may, I think made things tough, but in the end, um, it's just I wasn't working a program and I wasn't working with a sponsor. And I wasn't being honest with, uh, with my higher power. And so today, I'm just grateful that I have that in place right now and then I feel more hopeful. Um, and yeah, just be it, to be able to be honest, I'd be just brutally honest with my sponsor.

43:36Like, even if I knew part of me in my head somewhere, there was a little, like just even a little buzzing of a mosquito in the distance of something that I, I was scared over that I might do or that I think is wrong with me or something. I just had to share it. And that's been like a saving grace for me. Um, I think I've always had a tough time being like really honest about some stuff. And I think sometimes when I'm not really honest with somebody else, I, it's, it's, it's hard for me to be really honest with myself too. You know, if I can be really honest with somebody that I trust, then it, I don't know. It's just doing something different for me today. Um, yeah, and I want to learn more about like the fears of what some of that is. And like, but right now I'm not trying to stress myself out too much.

44:38Um, I didn't want to talk about some of it because I've had things in my life where I'll say like, I'm doing this or I'm doing that. I'm in the second I tell somebody about it for some reason. I stopped doing it or it stops meaning something to me or something. Um, so yeah, I'm just grateful to have this time and I'm thankful that, uh, just that I can pray today and feel like, um, I have some possibility and yeah. So if, yeah, one day at a time, one day at a time. Uh, let's keep it moving guys. Uh, and yeah, let's keep it moving. Um, all right. Uh, and thank you guys for just giving me a place to work, a place to go to, a place to be alive at. Um, yeah. And yeah, just grateful today to be here today. Um, all right, let's get in a couple of calls. There's always a hotline is 9 8 5 6 6 4 9 5 0 3.

45:43Um, and yeah, thank you. I see you avatar. Fire and ash is now streaming on Disney plus. It's the film critics are calling the best avatar yet. A true epic and completely jaw drawback. This is the only pure thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney plus. It will be an adventure for the whole fam and watch the Oscar winning phenomenon at home. This is sick. Yeah. Avatar fire and ash now stream on Disney plus, ready to be 13. All right, let's take this call. Yeah, but it was Tony from Brooksville. Thank you for calling brother. Let's hear more. My real question is a moral one. When I was growing up, my dad lost his house because he had a heart attack when I was in life. Second or third grade, we lost a lot of our things when he had that.

46:43And I have nothing that is. But my old house, my childhood home, it has a staying glass. Jesus up in the old workshop because he was a carpenter. And I know it's there, but someone recently bought the house and they only speak Spanish. And I tried to have if I could have to Jesus. But now I'm wondering if it's morally okay to break on the property and heal Jesus from the abandoned where it's like stop or not any advice or word. Be style brother. I love you. Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. Let me tell you this bro. You're asking if it's okay to break into a Latino home. Imejicano. Primero. A primarily Mexican home and steal their Jesus out of there. Bro, you could break into a Mexican home and steal a lot of shit, bro.

47:44They'll probably give it to you. You feel me? But bro, you could you could break into a you could you could sneak into a Mexican home and steal a lot of things, bro. Possibly the case. So, you know, they're chorizo. You know, it's greasy, but you can get it. You could probably steal a freaking kiss from the Tia. But the thing you cannot break into a Mexican home and steal, dude, is their Jesus, bro. So with that said, yeah, I think it's a good idea. I think, oh, you're going to have to have a good strata, yio, strata, heel, strata, heel. That's strategy in Spanish. You're going to need one of those mijente. You're going to need that, bro. You're going to need, because here's the thing. A lot of mejicanos there, they work a lot, bro. They're hard working, right? They're hard working or they're praying.

48:45They're either working or praying or celebration. So there's very little time when they're sleeping in there. So if you're going to sneak in there and steal a stained glass of window that has Jesus, which is basically what's kind of like an altar, you're going to get in there and steal a Jesus from a Mexican family. You got their got bro, they're going to be asleep for maybe 40 minutes. You got 40 minutes, bro. To fucking get in and get out, you filming, you filming guy. But I think you're out here out of your fucking mind. But with that said, yes, put on your metaglasses, stream it, stream the abucio. I hope they stuffed you with candy, bro, and fucking. But with that said, good luck, dude. I think you got this. I think you got this, dude. I think you're going to be fine.

49:46You have 40 minutes in and out, bro. You're like Nicholas Cage, bro. You're getting back Nicholas Cage in the art, whatever he steals the art or whatever. You got that, bro. Get in there. Fucking be quiet, papa. Be quiet in there because the guy, the sleeping guy, he's going to fucking wake up because he got to be up for work in five minutes anyway. That fucking guy, bro, Mexican people are on, they can rest for fucking nine minutes. I got a Mexican friend who he sleeps for 11 minutes a day. That's it. He sleeps for 11 minutes a night. He fucking, and he's fucking got to be at work. So bro, I'm just saying I think it's a horrible idea. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. And we'll see you in in Carceración.

50:48Hasta. What else? We got a call that came in right here. Hi, Theo. My name is Jamie. First off, you're amazing. And I could go on and on, but some calling for some advice. I'm 40 years old, two children, and my oldest is about to start middle school. And I grew up poor, and I grew up in a run-down house, and I unfortunately didn't get out of that situation. I learned to run down trailer. And she told me that she doesn't want to go to school with us because she doesn't want kids to make fun of her. What do I do for her to feel better about her life situation? Because it is what it is, and we have love, and we have food on the table, and we have vehicles, but I can't give her more than what I can give her. And I want her to be confident. I just don't want her to introvert that pain like I did,

51:48and not be able to be proud of where she comes from. Whatever you can elaborate on, that'd be great. Thanks. And you're amazing. Well, thanks for the nice words. And also, honestly, that's one I think this might be maybe one of my favorite calls that's ever come in. So thank you. Let me catch your first name again. Hi, Theo. My name is Jamie. Hey, Jamie. You're such a good thinker and speaker. I just wanted to say that to you. And I think it's awesome that you think about this and that you care about it, right? And that you care about it on behalf of your daughter. That's really, it's awesome. It's awesome to hear. Yeah, I'm just going to show my own experience real quick. Yeah, I grew up in that environment. I used to ride my bike to school. It was about five miles to school, which I'm not trying to make it sound crazy or anything.

52:49But, you know, it's probably 11, 12, 13, riding my bike to school. And sometimes I ride right alongside of the school bus that I was supposed to be on, but I didn't want to be seeing getting off that bus. You know, that was the poor bus or that was like, you know, just, I don't know. And it kind of now, I'm a little almost ashamed of that because, you know, I love the place where I'm from. And but I can relate to like trying to manage how you see me. You know, I didn't want to be in some of the situation that we had. And I was always trying to manage how you see me, right? Like I didn't make these choices. I didn't do these things. Whatever has us here right now. But the thing that I, in hindsight, the thing that I feel like was missing for me would have just been a good conversation from my parents

53:51and say, hey, this is what's going on right now with our family. And we, we love you. We care about you. The fact that some things we don't have right now is has nothing to do with that we aren't good people, that we don't love you. Let me think about this even more. If my mom would have just sat down with us or my dad and they didn't have time, maybe whatever they did have time. But if they would have said, look, we are together, we are going to get to another place in life. Another arc family is going to evolve and get to another place, right? Like maybe a little bit better financial place or into a safe or home, right? We're going to have to do that together. And there's going to be some painful parts. And maybe my mom could have shared with me like the painful parts for her.

54:51Maybe were that when she couldn't give me everything she wanted to or she didn't have time to spend with me in ways that were outside of just providing food and shelter. And that was just my scenario. But it could be like just that conversation like, hey, we're in this together, right? And I'm so proud of you and I love you. And there's going to be a year or two. Let's let's try and have a goal where it might be a little tough here. And it's some parts might be embarrassing, but just know the real truth about you is not these things. And like if somebody judges you or looks at you a certain way or jokes about you, like I think there wasn't any conversation inside of me that went against that. And so when people would say stuff, I just took it all along like, I'm worthless or whatever.

55:56But I think as long as you have that conversation with her and you let her know, hey, we're doing this together and I love you. And this is who we are in the world. We are fighters and we will figure this out. And there's going to be some tough moments. This might be what they are. This is how we can get through them individually and together. And that no matter what more than anything that if somebody says something about you or looks at you a certain way, you can have a voice inside of yourself. And we can have a voice together as a family that speaks back against that. Yeah. So I think those are the things that I think would have probably been nice to have. And to hear. And just hearing how much in your own voice that you are eight, you're going to figure this out. And it's not even an affliction.

56:57It's like, I don't know. I'm just proud of you for caring about it and calling. And yeah, it kind of takes me back. Maybe my mother had some of the same questions and she just didn't have a place to think about it or I don't know. But yeah, sometimes just, yeah, just that season that that season is temporary. And it's going to build you. It's going to build your kid. You know, and yeah, it's just tough for kids at that age. But also, if any listeners have other thoughts and suggestions, I think I probably have more. I'm kind of tired from just like a long day of thinking today or talking. But if any listeners have other suggestions about that sort of thing. And one thing that was pretty tough, I'll say it is, bro. They wouldn't fuck them with anybody in our neighborhood.

57:59So people could kind of talk shit. But the kids in our neighborhood, they came pretty gassed up about, you know, I'm saying if people would really run their mouth. Now the problem was people in our neighborhood were beefing with each other so much. So I think maybe another thing would be to help her work on those relationships in the neighborhood. Even if they're relationships that you don't know if you'll have for your whole life. But so that she feels like she is part of a group. You know. And yeah, and that it's okay to find that it's okay to find people of different cultures and different classes that you can still be in those circles. You know, that you're not exempt from some space just because of you can't afford a certain thing. You're just because your mom has to work all the time. You aren't exempt from some possibility in the world. You know, when I look back in my own neighborhood that I grew up in man, it was not comfortable for any of those kids.

59:03And mostly emotionally, really, the food and the fucking clothing and being poor, like that shit, yeah, it hurts, but it's like it's the emotional side that was missing. But some of the best business owners, hardest workers, and heroes of my heart, and life have come out of that space now. So anyway, I'm not preaching at you. I can think I sound a little bit preachy, but I hadn't thought about this. Or I think about it sometimes, but no, but I hadn't talked about it. You know, yeah, I'm just so happy that you love your daughter so much that you care to think about that. You know, and I think letting her know that too, that feels in a lot of the part of like. I don't know, whatever that part that needs to be filled in so that stuff doesn't hurt as much. And yeah, I'd love some suggestions from other people if they can hit the hotline. The next solo episode we do, I'll put those on to the end of the episode. Or we'll make a little follow up piece and put it out on YouTube.

1:00:05It'll probably be like a month. Just letting you know. But yeah, I don't know. It's just cool. I think like, I don't know. It's so funny how like life brings you back in the moments. In my own way, I almost channeled this is like this, my mother and her voice and that she cared and that I didn't know it. You know, and that's kind of selfish, but I think like. Life is like that. Sometimes it's like if someone or if a time from your life is gone and it's passed and it wasn't good, you can fill it in with a new time or a new moment. Or a new person. Sometimes I'll be in an A.A. meeting and there'll be a man in there that will share something and it's like something I need my dad to always say. Or I need my brother to say or just or something I needed to and somebody else will fill in. And for a moment, they're your family. They're your, I don't know. We're the keys to each other's locks. That's what my friend James says. So anyway, blessings to you

1:01:10and to blessings to you, Jamie. I love you so much for just caring about your kid and sharing that with us today. And yeah, it's a cool topic to think about. So sorry, I kind of rambled. I've had some coffee and yeah, and that's been it. I haven't even, yeah, and I'm doing okay. So praise God. Maybe let's hit one more call here. This is the hotline 98564649503. What's up Rick? What's up Rick? That's probably one of my 11. No, that's one of my favorite names, probably seven favorites. Onward. The 12 years sober. Apparently, just a bit of a rut. Mentally, we just had a baby, a second boy about a month and a half ago. And I vote. Congratulations, Rick. That's great. Congratulations.

1:02:14I've always been the type to reach out and help people and help others and take care of myself last and just getting really overwhelmed right now. And it's hard. It's really hard. Just thinking about should I drink, pick up the drink and it's just not worth it. Just I don't want to lose everything. I'm trying to like reach out to people and you know, offer help for some reason like that I could give help to somebody. Just feel like I'm just gonna help somebody else, but I really need help myself. I really appreciate you having this line open. I've been watching you for a while, listening for a while. Really appreciate the things that you do for people and you give it in advice. I really do appreciate you man. A lot. I just need to talk and talk to somebody today. Hey, Rick. Thanks for calling, man. Can we try to just call him, Trevin? Do you have that set up?

1:03:19Hello? Hey, Rick. Hey, what's going on? What's up, man? Is Theo? Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you, man. How you doing? I'm doing good, dude. I just was listening to some voice smells and I heard your call, dude. I just wanted to touch base and say, hey, you have this is great to hear from you. You have no idea. Oh, thanks, dude. What's going on? Yeah, I didn't know. I was really on that deep point. I went on top of one and I was just never ending. I was over 12 years. I just thought I'd just start to crumble and down and down. You know, again, to that mental headspace of like, I got diagnosed with cancer and and I used to be 500 pounds. So like, all these things are like, you know, it's going to

1:04:26less month to be honest. Well, cancer will help with that weight loss, huh? Well, no, I used to be I used to be 500 pounds. So like, so I used to be 500 pounds. I had gaxes bypassers in 2010 and I lost like 280 pounds and I'm a UPS driver. So I got diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and I got through that and then we lost, we lost a, once the baby six months ago. So it was kind of rough. She was four months in and it was brutal and then, you know, things just kept coming back and then got diagnosed with cancer again. And I was just in a very rough mental space just felt like, you know, things are really on the downhill spiral, you know, but that, you know, thinking, thinking.

1:05:27Oh, yeah. You know, you, you talked about it before, but it's, I was in really bad spot. What's the day I called you, I was like, really down and really, I'll just raise it, just just pick up the drink again and just go it all the way, but then, you know, I do have a five little five year old Luca and he's just the best thing ever. So it's like, you know, you're getting those little punk and stuff and then, you know, you forget about the things when you get home. Yeah, what helped you out of it? So, pretty much just trying to not really dwell on the whole diagnosis again, just try to focus on, you know, being there from Luca and my wife and, you know, having another baby come and see. So that was also something to look out for and, you know, all those things mentally started to pile up and, you know, you get a diagnosis again,

1:06:28you know, just like, dude, this is crazy. Like, I'm not being great at all. I had, you know, I had a good out. So I had surgery a few months ago and I was out of work for a bit and it's just, you know, financials are falling up on you. And then you think about everything else, it's like, I'm what a baby I'm really. Oh, yeah, having a drink would feel, feels like it that it would be the answer, man. And were you able to stay sober? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go. Thank God, I was like, you know, it's for me, I'm over the one that will reach out to people to see how they're doing and then at the end of the day, I realized that I was the one really that needed to help, but the need to help others first was like, it helped me get out of my, you know, stage. Oh, yeah. And yeah, even even up to now, like, you know, I'm back at work now, and you know, driving for EPS,

1:07:30still so I'm in New Jersey. So I just stopped back last week. So, you know, financials, things will come and go. I get that. And that's what I think that space was, was like, you know, baby coming throughout the chance to, yeah, I mean, yeah, they're overwhelmed. I'm like, I'm like, I do this. Yeah, absolutely. And, uh, for dude, like, I want to talk to you and really, say, you thank you for your stuff that you do, because, you know, when you're in those head spaces, you're a good person down, you know, down deep down. And I know that. And then, but you're also for me to get into, but it's great. So like, you need a good laugh sometimes. You need to get that truck with. And a lot of your stuff has definitely helped me a lot. And I really do, truly appreciate everything that you do that you have done. Well, thank you so much, dude. I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm just trying my best, man. I think

1:08:33that's all most people are trying to do, uh, one day at a time, you know, um, but yeah, I just got 46 days, I think I had some tough moments and I got 46 days. And so I'm feeling grateful for that. And yeah, man, I just, yeah, you just some days just, it became too much, but I'm grateful that, I've been able to keep, um, just stacking days, man, and it just makes you feel, yeah, this is just the way that it's got to be. And I'm grateful for that. And I'm happy. I don't have to do it alone, dude. So I appreciate you just sharing what's going on with you with us. And, uh, yeah, one day at a time, champ. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Hey, um, all those days start to add up and, you know, keeping up with your big ass high, so you stack all those days and not going to take you down and, you know what? I've never been told, you know, you always have another relapse, but you have another recovery in your own debt. You know, after that little cloud goes over your head,

1:09:34and you're not thinking, you know, you think about that stuff that's like, you know, I don't want it. You just holding over again. I don't know if I have the courage to do it, but you do, but you don't want it. You don't want to test it. You don't want to, I don't want to. And I know it's, it can happen anytime. It could happen. Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah, I mean, everybody, like, I have no idea. Everybody's journey is different, but yeah, just grateful today that I get to be sober and that, um, and that I'm hopeful that I can just keep this going one day at a time. Talk another alcoholics helps, man. I appreciate you, Rick. Do congratulations on the new baby. Uh, we'll be cheering that on, man. We'll be cheering on, and the baby is going to be here in two months, you said he'll be here in four months. Okay, the baby will be here in four months. Oh, dude. You all got a name picked out yet or no? Yeah, we're going to be Adam. We're going to be Adam. Adam. Get down here. Yeah. Sounds good to me. Get your ass down. Yeah, dude.

1:10:38And oh, yeah, that works. That's right. I got to do it. All right, Rick, best of luck, dude. Be safe. Thanks for chatting today. I got to go, uh, I got to go get a massage, man. I'm gonna switch a legit one. And I don't, I tell them, don't jerk me off right when I walk in there. I said, don't even jerk me off. Nobody's jerking me off, but me. Yeah, you know, make sure you tell that guy, hey, don't flip me over. Oh, yeah, I don't even bro. Yeah. Well, some of them are so strong, but all right, bro. Love you, bro. Congratulations. Thanks for sharing that you're having a tough day. And yeah, just appreciate you. Thank you for coming. Checking in. You bet, Rick. Man, be good, Rick. I love you, man. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Martin. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Rick. Love you too, bro. I don't need to. Peace, buddy. Rick. Dude, when I go to heaven, I hope they call me damn Rick. Well, that's for some reason that name.

1:11:42Just I like it. I like it a lot. Um, anyway, thank you guys for being here today. Thank you for everybody that checked out bus boys on Hulu. We appreciate that. Um, and yeah, one day at a time, we'll keep things going and just grateful to be alive today and have a chance today. And thankful for this podcast. And what else? Yeah, just be good to yourself. We're gonna keep trying this thing, bro. We got this praise god. And uh, yeah. Have a good one. Okay.

1:12:51I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney Plus. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. Yeah. Go, go, go, go. A true epic and completely jaw-dropping. Yes, it's the only pure thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney Plus. It will be an adventure for the whole fam and watch the Oscar winning phenomenon at home. This is sick. Avatar Fire and Ash now streaming on Disney Plus. Ready to pee to their teen.