Giggling about swans, sleepovers, and school dances

0:00Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion I'm not re-act today. Causing massive water displacement and triggering the tsunami. They all heat the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger, don't us enter this mess. And Digger is gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and the Revenant. What would happen if I stopped doing it? You stole it! You freeze the deck! That's what! With great power, comes great deniability. I'm not the Earth, daddy. Digger, see the Trin Long Line. Now playing the main Peter, Trinidad R. Trinidad R. Under 17, I'm gonna meet with our parent. Okay, Autumn in New York is the season where we can finally start dressing again. Every single thing is an excuse to put on a look. Going to work, outfit. Leading a meeting, outfit. Getting drinks with your friends, obviously, outfit. And as we all know, every great outfit starts from the feet up. That is why I'm currently obsessed with alleys from Sam Edelman. They're ballet, flat, but a little something extra for fall. A contrasting velvet cap toe. I have them in this gorgeous azure blue, which is like a dusty muted blue that somehow goes with everything, even daffinies eyes.

1:02They're so cute. And I'm already envisioning my next outfit, straight leg jeans and oversized blazer, and a little shoulder bag. Very eye just through this on when we all know I absolutely did not. And Hannah is loving hers too. She has the Mikayla, which is the Sam Edelman's take on a Mary Jane. And this season, it comes in the sheikest leopard. So gorge, so easy. And exactly the kind of shoe that makes an otherwise basic outfit look like you actually tried. And there's so much more coming from Sam Edelman this fall beyond these two. Like the new Tegan and Talula pumps, plus ready to wear handbags, fragrances, and even a new men's collection. So basically, you can make sure both you and your man are looking good for date night. Because we're not doing all that getting dressed just to let him show up in a t-shirt. Head to samedelman.com and get 15% off with Code Giggly 15. This episode is sponsored by the new Hershey's Crem bars, insulted caramel, and afogato. Lately, I've been realizing that luxury doesn't have to mean some huge splurge. Sometimes it's just taking a few minutes to yourself during a busy day.

2:04I have one of these moments, oh, I don't know every day around two o'clock. Whether that's making a pick me up coffee, or maybe I just need to scroll for a little bit on the couch. That's why I'm actually so excited about the new Hershey's salted caramel and afogato Crem bars available now. I absolutely love a treat yourself moment in the middle of the day. And this is a classic Hershey's milk chocolate layered with a salted caramel or afogato Crem filling. So it feels a little elevated while still being your favorite Hershey's chocolate. Pick up the new Hershey's Crem bars insulted caramel or afogato wherever you shop for snacks and choose happiness with every bite. Sup, giggling? Gary, fix your wifi. Man, it's such a... We can't be manners. Ha ha ha ha! I mean the day just got away from me. Did you press record? Yep. Okay, Grace isn't here right now, so we have to triple check everything

3:05because if we mess up she's gonna go so scared right now. Hello, my... Oh my god, people, I love when they send me stuff. My grilled cheese gigglers, let's go. Oh, I like that one. I just want to do a PSA really quickly before we get into anything. Yes. There is in fact multiple registry apps. Yeah, we're getting tagged up to Wazoo. We've got Wistful, Wistful, we've got Giftful. I mean, I've never been inundated in my DMs more over a topic. Also, people are like Amazon Wishlist ever heard of it? Pager Sorbol? No, I'm literally. I was like, I have a great idea. Your face is on the top of it. Also, can we bring back up the Wazoo? I was in order that I left. I got my hair dyed again today, but oh, it's not the color we agreed upon. Yeah, I'm no better than a man because I didn't notice. Well, I just got like my roots, but...

4:06Honey, we want fire engine. So, this sounds so bougie and sorry I have my visual in it. Let me know if I should take it out. But I have hair extensions that my glam team uses. I feel like I'm Erica Jane right now. And they basically were like, if you dye your hair in different red, we can't use your extensions. And they were like, if you dye your hair, you have to dye your extensions too. Okay. And I was like, this is too much admin for me. So then I obviously like forgot to bring extensions. And then I was like, just fucking do it normally. But I go to this place. I sit down. And what I always do is I show them the formula on my phone. I've never had an issue. The formula of the color. Yeah. Okay. How did you get that? My girl gave it to me. I was like, if you're in a pinch, just... And it honestly looks like a really hard algebra. Like, they're women in STEM, all of them. Like the ammonium-fi glocolade. Like, yeah. Yeah. And then it's like 78 divided by times pi.

5:06Yeah. They look at it, then I'm gonna take a screenshot. And I'm just like, got it. And I'm like, I don't think you did. I would trust a hair stylist to do open heart surgery on me. Like, truly? I don't know what's in the ether with me, but this person looks at it. And they go, this doesn't make sense. And I'm like, every time I deal with someone, it's the first time on a... And you will always have a thing. And I go, I'm not trying to start drama. But I'm like, I have showed this to like maybe like nine different hair stylists. And they've all like been like, yeah, and they did it. And the guy was like, I'll be right back. Gone for 30 minutes. Comes back, he's like, you pressed highlights. Highlights takes two hours, but you actually want a single process. And that doesn't take that long. So you booked the wrong appointment. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I didn't... I didn't know what to say. I didn't... I'm so sorry. So he's like, over me at this point. And I'm like, he's going back and forth with me. He's like, do you think it's a B instead of a C?

6:06And I was like, that's above my pay grade. I'm not going to... I also'm afraid if you change one thing, like, I'm going to come out blue. And then I'm sitting there being like, bigy goo is going to kill me. Like, I found myself in this situation again. And he was like, is it okay if I don't use red kin? And I was like, I think someone didn't use red kin before. And it'll be okay. He goes, okay, he leaves. And I'm like, I'm in my Botox appointment all over again. Like the universe puts you right in the same place. Granted, it came out great. But I'm like, I didn't learn anything. I was just going to say, and how do you find this place, Hannah? You know, it's actually a very well established place. But I mean, I did like randomly book him. That was on me. That was on me. And it was like a last second booking. You know, you don't have any like adrenaline seeking parts of your personality. But sometimes you're like too decisive. Like, you're like, no, I'll do it right now, actually. Oh, I'm a doer. But the problem is I've never done anything weeks in advance. Like I literally woke up and I was like, I have to shoot something on Friday.

7:07It's Wednesday. Tomorrow I have to dye my hair, book an af. You know, I could probably do it for you one time. I mean, I just do with my spray tan. I'll trust you with my hair. No, like I feel like if I watched three tutorials on YouTube, got some boxed hair dye. The way you said tutorial, just scratch my brain, say it again. Tutorial. Tutorial. Um, shout out to, um, supporting another girl's girl. Yeah. Who's a girl I sent you who looks so fucking good. Daisy and Gerjones. She has this new hair color. They're calling strawberry brunette that I think is the direction I'm going to go. Because one thing about us, if you give it a brand, I'll do it. So strawberry brunette, you guys look at it. It's cute for full. The giggler should know that on Friday night, we're having a slumbie party. No, we're having an adult slumber party. Can I say the cutest thing?

8:08And like, I don't like to address that you have a boyfriend. I don't want to expose his life on this podcast. But I just have to say, one of your first arguments was that you went to his house and he didn't have snacks. And you texted me and you were like, hey, like everything's been great with him. And then I just said, this is one thing that's like really freaking me out. No freaking me out. Now I come from a non-snack family. Like people come over to my house and they're like, you got anything like for in between meals. And we're like, no, this pasta tonight. Yeah. So you go to his house and you're like, where's the snacks? And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And you trained him to make sure that when anyone walks in the house, there's snacks available for them. And all different types of snacks for all types of the day. Different walks of life may come into my home. God forbid I've got a gluten free girl who's looking for a meal. I need to have something to offer her. Mm-hmm. God forbid I need some protein beef jerky to go to sleep at night.

9:11And if we're just leaving it up to Joe, you'll get mixed nuts and a water bottle. So I'm going to cry last night. He takes the group chat. Hey, hand. What snacks do you like? He literally is like, hand is coming over. Shit, I don't have snacks. She's going to be mad if I know of the right snacks. I'm like, page bully, do you so hard? It makes them better people. But I also loved it because it seemed like he was asking for my writer. Yeah. He's like, what do you want in your bedroom? Like, Kim DeSorbo would have a forever shape. But I, let's not try to compete with that. Well, I would never try and compete with Kim DeSorbo. But I will say for you as my guest, I did book you a massage for the moment you land. You guys were, were like a married couple that hasn't seen each other in a while. So I obviously am getting like my weekly massage that I love. And she comes to my home and she walks in and I go, we're going to do something a little different today.

10:15And she was like, what's going on? And I said, I'm not having any pain, but I feel like when I watch myself. I don't. I said, that's so sad. Okay. So she walks in. I'm like, I feel like my jaw is like going to one side, but I don't have like Kim. I don't have any pain. I guess you are. I'm like, it's not. So whatever she's doing the massage, she puts gloves on. Like she went inside my mouth. Hannah, I had an out of body experience. And then when she, she did a full head massage neck because she was like, I feel like your neck is really tight. And that's like coming up to your job, whatever. When we're done, before I even open my eyes, she goes, I can't wait to see what your face looks like. Like sit up. And she never says that usually she's like, and slowly get up, like go out in your own time. Like no rush, whatever she goes, sit up. I need to see your face. I sit up. She goes, oh my god, go look in the mirror. Go look in the mirror. So if I'm looking a little more symmetrical today,

11:17where your eye got popped out. Well, I, I said, I do have like small orbital bone issues. And she was like, let me look at you. I actually stood in front of her naked because she was like, I want to see where your body just naturally falls. She's like, this nipples over here, this toes over there. You love, but you, that's what you're like, I look at myself naked in the mirror all the time. Someone else has to. I'm like, you love me. Let me know your calculations, because I'll tell you mine for sure. So then she said, I, she's a giggler, obviously. And she was like, I really, really wish I could get my hands on Hannah. And I'm like, well, she's truly the tightest person I know. I go, she can't touch her toes. She goes, she can't touch her. I go, her hips are a mess. I go, actually, she's coming on Friday night to spend the night. Do you have any time available? And she was like, I will make myself available for Hannah. I got to get in her mouth. And I was like, because she was like her jaw tension, like I can see it when she talks.

12:21See, I love witchy people who are like, yeah, I can see from looking at you. Like, you can't handle cheese. Speaking of witchy people, I begged Morgan Stewart to give me her, uh, psychic. She texted me and she was like under no circumstances. Can you give this name to this is my near and dear? I feel like I'm holding like the secrets of the world. Well, LA psychics are like next level, like Salem and LA are like similar. Similar or us. Yeah. So anyway, I have an email to him back yet because I'm like nervous. I'm like, wait, what have you told me something? And I'm just like, no, thank you. You love the chase of a new psychic. I love someone with fresh eyes on my future. I need fresh eyes. Like, let's start from scratch. Wait, I have something so sad to say. Oh, no. Sweet sweet kitty had to go for her like check up for whatever, like her one year, whatever.

13:22And so it takes her to the vet and the vet was like, okay, she's really obese. Like extraordinarily obese. And I'm like, okay, like, well, what are we talking here? She was like, not only does she need to lose four to five pounds, but we're going to put her on a prescription food because whatever you're doing at home, it's not working. Hey, just look at kitty. And kitty just looks at me and I'm like, you're a model. No, but do they understand that the more plump she is, the cuter she is? I'm like, okay, she was fatter two years ago. And you didn't have to put her on prescription food. And so I had to order it and it comes in like two days. Oh, so you're like, sorry, everyone's on a ZMPN nowadays. God forbid. No, I'm so much natural body. I'm like, does her stomach touch the floor when she walks? Yeah, but she likes that. No, it doesn't, but like, it's close to it.

14:22See, I thought she would have lost weight from like playing with the dog and like being mean to the dog. Like, that burns calories. She lays down and hits the dog. Like she's, no, like when I say I birthed this cat, I birthed this cat so much that like when we are on our way to like photo shoots or any job that she's in, she yells in the car. Like she knows she's going to work. But the minute we step on set, perfect angel. She's a pleasure to work with. She's a pleasure to work with. Did you know what she needs? I'm matching walking pad that you guys could walk in the morning, make your calls. Call your mom. Junker, I scoffy. No, I think I do. I think I need to get her moving more. But like, we play every day, like she'll run, but she'll only run for like seven minutes max. She's like, okay. I do think some cats naturally have that body type. And like, let's be honest, you don't see like tiny skinny rag dolls.

15:23No, rag dolls are big. They're gorgeous. And like the boys, the boys are big. Like if you're getting a boy rag doll, that's a big cat. Yeah. I mean, I think she's perfect. I'm so sorry that did she hear what they were saying about? Yeah, she did right in front of her. She can hear you. Yeah. And like she loves looking in the mirror. I haven't seen her look in the mirror in two days. I was like some people's faces look better rounder. Yeah. Did I ever tell you like the time I caught her just like staring at the mirror, like in the middle of the night? Make it? Yeah, we got it. Like, I'm like, now I know how people feel around me. It's enough. Like you make everything about yourself. Speaking of people and sexiness. Yeah. I don't know if it's just like the vibe or culture right now, but like it feels tone deaf and unnecessary to have a people's sexiest man right now. Yes. And this is the type of combo that I wanted to have on Giggly Squad because what man?

16:29Are they even going to pick? I've never once been like, you know what we need to list a bunch of sexy men. I feel like no man's sexy right now unless you're speaking up for women's wrongs and rights. Do they pick right now? Like is now the time? I think they're like nominated. I just feel like it's not the right time in our society to be worried about who's the sexiest man right now. I'd say none of them. No one's sexy until women feel like we can walk down the street at night. Did you see that video where it was like a guy went around being like if you had didn't have to worry about your safety at all from men, what would you do when every woman was like, go for a walk? Walk on the west side highway once. No, like they never have to think about being kidnapped. Some girl also did a very, it's not funny but just interesting. She was like, imagine if there was a group chat where someone said free penis.

17:30Yeah. The girls would be like, ew. Did you see the video where it was like a bachelor at party and they were like, we ran into a guy who was really drunk and we charged his phone, figured out where he was living and like made sure he was home. Yeah. Yeah, it's really, it's a really scary, scary world specifically for women. That's why podcasts like Giggly Squad and other female lead podcasts are really so important because at the end of the day, the community with each other, it's longevity. It's good for your soul. Like, it's like these men truly, there's so much nuance in the world that just goes right over their head. So it's like, you can't connect with a man ever on everything. You can't. You have to like pick your battles and pick your things because it's never going to be,

18:31it's just never going to be the same the way you talk to your girlfriends. And I think what I love about comedy is that you can get your point across in such a more palatable way where like if someone just goes on a rant online, people like, I'm not listening to that. But if you say something so funny that leaves you thinking like that's the genius behind it. But that's also like Giggly Squad. Oh, we do talk about mental health, but we don't call ourselves a mental health pod. So no one calls it that because that would be like intense. We're like, but we're sending subliminal messages. I mean, I do say mental health moment, which is pretty in your face. But are my favorite woman of STEM of the week goes to Avital Ash, who's a comedian who had the funniest bit that I posted on my Instagram. And she's like, we should replace the word rapist with rapist to sound more like murder or killer instead of like artist philanthropist florist. Oh my god, I never thought of that. She's like, because rape is about power. Yeah. That is a good one. It's my entire feed right now. So I'm just we're in the dark times.

19:34But yeah, both people's sexiest men are the year award. Well, I think what's even scarier is that the younger generation of men are scarier than even our generation of men. And I thought they couldn't get scared. I thought after Milan, everyone's going to be like, girls are cool. I thought after Milan, the guys are going to be like, she's awesome. I don't know. I thought maybe when we were dominating the job market, making 10 times more, what men are making and we've only been able to truly be in the workforce for like 30, 40 years that they'd be like, oh, maybe they are equal to us. And like now that we're getting close to like baby making age, which I love how we had to be 34 to like be like, should we have a baby? I just started thinking about it yesterday. I'm like, what about mother thing everyone's talking about? No, I'm across my desk. And no one asked me about it. So can I pressure someone to have a baby? Someone tried to pressure you to have a baby? I mean, I feel like a lot of people have tried to like put me in a box. I feel like we've both, we've dated different kinds of guys.

20:37I've dated more outwardly evil. You've dated evil that you were like, wait a minute. I've dated more, I think more outwardly charming evil, but less wealthy. Well, and you pick your battles. You know? I hated my life at a five star dinner. You hated your life on someone's couch. But I was laughing. But same. I'm in this interesting place, which I did talk about. I don't know if it was in my standup special, but I was just saying like so many girls get mad that after you get married, people are like, are you going to have a baby? Yeah. And I was like, that's so annoying. The second you get married, everyone thinks you're just like a baby maker. A fester. Yeah. But then like no one's asked me to the point that I'm like, I don't know, maybe everyone's just like super respectful nowadays. But I don't think so. I see TikToks people ask other people about babies. I'm like, we are not looking for people. Yeah, what do you think that is? Maybe I'm so, I'm such a feminist that they're like, I know all a fender if I ask her about

21:41babies. I also feel like that so like male coded and has like changed the meaning of feminist. It's like, okay, being a feminist doesn't mean you're not married and have children. Like, that's just a very good point, very good point. It's like them trying to weaponize the word feminist. It's like, look, they don't even want to bring life into the world. It's like, I think the idea of being a mother is just evolving. Well, it's also like, no, I don't want to have a daughter. And now in 20 years, have to think about her going to her college to further her education and your dumbass son attacks her. Like, it's funny that no one has to educate girls not to assault boys. I don't know, but like at what age as a parent do you stop calling the other kids parents? Never. Because I feel like, no one I'll call her mom. Like, I feel like I am going to be such a like, and I'll talk to his parents.

22:42Bye. Like, even when they're in college, I'm like, I'm showing up at their house. This is like old school Brooklyn story, but my dad was getting beat up by this older girl at Brooklyn Tech, who was like huge. Like, she went through puberty already. My dad was still skinny. And he was like scared to go to school because his girl was beating his ass. And my grandpa, it was like back then where you're like, what block does she live on? And he was like, six street. And he's like, we're going, brings my dad, goes into the person's house. Hey, your daughter is beating the shit out of my son. And I'm going to need you to stop. Oh, my God. And she would like look at him in the window of the classroom and be like, you after school. But then he said that summer, he like worked out and like went through puberty and like showed up and he was like, busy. So, you're dad. And he was like, I think she had a crush on me. I'm like, whatever, whatever you do. And then I saw an old TikTok that I had posted, you know, like you just forget your old personalities.

23:47Yeah. I've reinvented so many times. I like, I can't. Do you remember when you first heard that if you kick a guy in the balls, like it hurt him? And you were like, okay, that's the answer to all my problems. Yeah, probably like middle school was the first time I realized that like they cry if they get kicked in the balls. So I think I was like six or seven. And I think I told this like two or three years ago on the pod. But my dad was like blocking me from like where I wanted to go. Like I was clearly being crazy and like wanting to go so where my dad was like, you can't go there. And I just was like, okay, don't make me do it. And I just fucking kick him in the nuts. And he falls down and my mom had to give me like a whole speech about how you can't just go around kicking guys in the nuts. And I like could not comprehend it. I'm like, then why is he have nuts? I feel like you still can't comprehend it. If I can't kick them, why is he have a nut? Why are they swinging right in front of my face? Because I will karate chop. Why are they so like tender and they're not inside their bodies? The whole ball thing is unnecessary.

24:47I feel like God has not made us mothers yet because. Let's bring God into them. No, let's bring them into it because sometimes he's the only answer. I feel like we are not mothers yet because the moment, not even the moment I give birth, the moment I get pregnant, I'm scared for every man around me because you can't bring life into this world. What is your purpose? Like you're going to tell me anything when I just made breast milk. I just made milk from my body. I'm not even a cow. I'm not a goat. Like an icon sustained life. You know what's crazy to think about? Anyone living off of breast milk? That's disgusting as an adult. That's what I was going to say. I was going to say the best episodes are really early morning or at night and you guys were getting a night party tonight. It's a night party. Page had a full day of shooting.

25:49How long do you think the longest woman has gone? Presbyting. I think that's a TLC show and it's like 10 years or something crazy. That's crazy. FX's American Horror Story returns for an unrivaled 13th installment with the iconic horrors you love to fear and an all-star cast reprising fan favorite roles. Light your candles, draw your pentagrams and prepare for a supreme surprise. FX's American Horror Story 13 now streaming on Hulu. You know when someone walks into a room and you're like, okay, she has something. It's confidence. It's that effortless put together energy. Honestly, a lot of time. It's the smile. Well, it doesn't happen by itself. There's chemistry behind the charisma. Colgate Optic White Pro Series toothpaste is clinically proven to remove 15 years of stains when you brush twice daily for only two weeks. The formula is powered by hydrogen peroxide complex. Colgate's unique formulation of hydrogen peroxide, which is the ingredient dentists use to

26:52whiten teeth. Acid Optic White Pro Series toothpaste works at the molecular level to gently dissolve stains deep within the enamel where your brush can't reach. I have to drink my daily coffee every morning. I literally go to bed thinking about it. So cutting out coffee is just not an option for me when it comes to whitening my teeth. And a good smile is kind of like a great outfit. You don't always know why someone looks put together. You just know that they do. I love that Colgate Optic White Pro Series toothpaste works on those everyday stains but while still being enamel safe for daily use, it's proof that daily routine can be remarkable. That's the science of wow. Colgate Optic White. Can we talk about the difference between a home that's furnished and a home that's intentional? Because if you're still living with a mattress on the floor at 25, that's crazy. And cozy is here to help. Bed frame sofas, rugs, shelves, tables. Cozy has everything and it all comes in boxes directly to your door. Beauty furniture is modular so the piece you buy for your current place can reconfigure

27:54to fit your next one. And you can always add as your space and taste evolves. You can swap covers when you want to change and they go right in the wash whenever you spill something. If you have no clue where to start, they offer free one-on-one design consultations so a real person can help you plan your space. No fees. So transform your living space today with Cozy. That's CozyEY.com. Make yourself at home. Can we talk about something for a second? You know when you get into a ride chair and you're immediately doing the full mental assessment? Like what are the vibes? It smell okay? Am I going in the right direction? No, Hannah, I have like a literal checklist. And if you're offering me a water bottle, keep it to yourself, dude. Keep it to yourself. I hate when I get in a car in my adrenaline spikes, which is why Waymo has genuinely changed the game for us. A Waymo's fully autonomous, which means the driver's seat is empty. It's just you. And I'm with social anxiety. This is incredible. I don't have to talk to a man about like his childhood.

28:59I don't have to worry about someone like listening to my phone calls because they get in depth and I name names in the back seat. You have your own private little bubble to decompress after a long night, to do your skin care, ugly cry, no judgment, no weird energy, just peace, knowing I'll get home safely. This is why I love Waymo. Okay, so if you want to be unbothered and relaxed and live in a city with Waymo's, download the Waymo app and use Code Giggly to get 20% off your next two rides. You can check out the full terms in the app. And if Waymo isn't in your city yet, sign up to help bring Waymo your way at Waymo.com slash Giggly. Trust us, it's worth it. This is Us Being Women in STEM, bringing Waymo to the people. Oh my God. You guys, I have so much homework for you, but I'm excited. Okay, you have to watch The Swann on Hulu. Watch that. You have to watch The Widoworth that just came out on Netflix today. And you have to watch a killer story also on Hulu.

29:59Those are three documentaries must watch. I think I have a period piece that just came out on Netflix, so I'm going to be busy. Oh, you're going to be out for like three weeks. That's on The Swann. Now I watched it with Josephine who does not remember the show. So if you don't remember when it was on, it's certainly not going to hit the way it will for millennials. I remember distinctly remember watching this show with my grandma and being fucking hyped. It was crazy. That was popcorn TV. In the context of what the show was supposed to be, I don't think it was like a bad idea. Like I understand the idea. I totally get why women heard this. It's also crazy, like how time just things change. Like everyone heard about it on the radio. No, I know. You know, like I just, I was like, I heard that and I was like, oh my God, I mean, feel so nostalgic. But you're right. It was pitched to them as a life transformation.

31:00Yes, it was. It was. Yeah. And then we just like the bigger the intern workforce and then it's going to show and you were going to do some procedures that just like up your confidence a little when in reality it was, they were like and now there's a bathing suit competition part. Now they literally lied to them and was like, you're doing a pageant. They didn't know they were doing that. Then they have to compete against each other. They didn't know they were doing that. You can't talk to their families for six months. They couldn't talk to their families. And that's not interested to hear these people talk about their problems or learn style or whatever. They're like, let's see who can be hotter and let's fucking change their faces and bodies as much as we can. And half the girls saw themselves for the first time and were like, what the fuck is this? Because they wouldn't let them look in the mirror. You know what I mean? Me sick because I'm that girl that would have been in the chair and been like, okay. And not spoken up.

32:01Well that's a lot of them said they made everyone get veneers which old school veneers too. Look, as someone who like always goes back and forth and like, should I get a boob job? Do I want a boob job? Like, blah, blah, blah. One thing I've never. And these people's veneers looked insane. Not fitting in their mouths, falling out years later. When you have dental problems, nothing more painful. To have to go to the dentist time after time because they gave you these fuck as veneers, I would have literally, I would have been a livid. And because of the filming schedule, they basically were like, you have 10 hours with each girl to do as much as you can. And the girls just went under. One girl almost didn't make it out. But there was this one girl who would happen to be older that said, don't touch my nose. And they were like, you're not going to make it for in the competition. She goes, I'm going to fuck you and I touch your my nose. And she looked beautiful, beautiful. But that's just like, if I did reality TV now, I'd be like, I'm not going to involve

33:04that. No, it's really, it just like praise on your insecurity. It's like a manipulative boyfriend. Because it's like everything you thought in your head, you're like, oh, everyone does notice it. And it's like, no, they just pinpointed what you were insecure about and exploited it. It's like, if I had a neck all. We have the producers do not care about your life after. They literally just care. Also when they would get the reactions, they'd stop and be like, do it again. That wasn't enough. Do it again. That wasn't enough. When I heard that, I was like, wait, that's crazy because they were like that ending scene. They would film for hours. But a lot of the girls were like, the plastic surgery wasn't even the worst part, even though their boobs popped and their teeth fell out. And like, their lips were fucking contorted. Because that one guy had some special procedure he was doing, like, whatever. But they were like, it was the mental assault of the reality TV being locked in. Well, I mean, dare I say, we went through something very similar this year, where we both

34:08were like, what if we just got a little Botox? Everyone's doing it. It's going to help this. We're going to look like this. We're going to feel like this. And then the minute we did it, we were like, no, I loved my old face. I loved my old face. Even now, sometimes when I'm eating something that's really chewy, I feel like my chin muscle cramps up. I feel like I subconsciously put that in here. I witch do. I can't wait for you to get your massage. Like, am I going to cry during it? Joe asks the same thing. No, because there's all these take talks of people being like, hey, can you just touch this part? What the hell? I was like, no, you're not going to cry during it. Also, I've at your feet. I have nothing left here. What does that mean? Like, because I haven't been able to like use that muscle. Yeah. It's like, disappear. But it's still, I didn't get to the root of whatever the issue was.

35:09Well, I'm going to sit like next to you while you're getting your massage and just continue to listen, ask you like, do you like doing it? I'm going to go to my hand and then I'm going to feed you chicken parm. We know you're going to hold my hand. Like we're in an ultrasound together. You're going to hold my hand. And the best news is that Kitty will probably sleep with you. I'm so excited for our play date. Should we go to blackbuster and like get a movie? No, literally the other day I was cosplaying like being a mom because me and Josephine had to get up at like 5 a.m. and go somewhere and then we had like time in between and then like how did thing at night. We got back to my house and she was like, I'm really tired. And I was like, why don't you go take a little nap? Kitty went and I'll wake you up when we have like our next thing and she was like, okay. And Kitty went right with her. She wakes up and she goes, I'm a little hungry. And I go, I go, why don't I make you a girl cheese stall? And she goes, I would love that.

36:10And I said, okay, pick out your chips. And that was Kitty's face. Pick out your pickles because we have different types of pickles. And I made her a sandwich and I loved every second. Cause your house is a home. See that's so funny because if someone said that to me, I'd be like, do you know how to order a breeze? I said, what can I whip up for you? You are a caretaker. Yeah. Except when you're on tours for some reason it switches. Because nobody wants to work these days, myself included. Wait, I was just going to say something. Oh, that's what I was going to say. My mom was like, oh my god, your birthday is coming up. What do you want? I asked for a Lake Crusad. I'm going to be so real to you. I know I don't know what that is. A Lake Crusad? It's like, what? It's like one of those big. Wait, is that like a cardigan? Is that like, oh, it's like a serving platter? No, it's like, no, it's like a dish. It's like a, like you cook in it. Like you cook a crustacean. You can put your Lake Crusad in the oven.

37:13Like I could do my pot roast in my Lake Crusad. It's just like chic to have a Lake Crusad. It's like something that you, like, oh, it's like a lasagna tub. Totally. But it has like a top. What's the decor? I asked for the color ivory. Do you know if I asked my mom for a Lake Crusad, she'd call the police. Because I was like, why don't you start my collection, mother? And she goes, I would love that. Yes, I could do that. Okay, I'll get you one. Which one? Yes. Oh my God. No, I'm really, it's really getting dark over here. I'm going to such tradwavy things and I'm like enjoying it. No, but it's also like, think of in your 20s, you would at night be like, where are we going? And now you're like, what do I want to create? You're an artist. You know, I think back all the time because when I was in middle school and high school, I was like, I love school dances. How am I going to live without school dances? I needed school dances.

38:13No, I'd get really upset because I'd be like, this is our last eighth grade dance. Like, it's just downhill from here. Did you dance at the dances? Yes. You never felt awkward at one of the dances. No, because I was letting my freak flag fly. Because you had a guy that you were going to dance. I was dancing so much I was getting in trouble. I was getting put in the corner. Yeah, you were. They were like, one more time, Mr. Sorbo, and we're going to have to call your mom. And they're like, you don't even go here. How did you get in this school? She picked out this outfit so call that bitch up. I just, I was like, okay, we're in a gym and like the guys are like looking at us and we'd be like, okay, and then I'm like, I'm not dancing as well as that girl. And then I'm like, I don't know what to do with my hands. And I'm like, Mom, can you come pick me up? No, but it's just very true because you don't ever think you'll get over something or you like move past it. You don't ever think you're not going to want to do something. And then one day the things that you used to bring you joy just don't.

39:14And it's not sad because you're entering into like a new chapter that you don't even realize. And truly in like the last couple of years, I really like, I went out so much in my 20s. It's actually disgusting. But I genuinely feel I'm so happy that I don't long for it. Like there was a time where I was like, you know, I long to go out. That is actually so wise of you. I had that same realization. Sorry, I feel smarter with invisible. And I'm like, I have the same real. You have a list. I can't even be joined by that. You have a protractor that you we don't know what you're using for. You just say protractor. Oh my God. Remember you would have to get like notebooks, but it could only be graph paper. And I'd be like, never saw that on the list. You love nostalgia. I can't say nostalgia right now. Oh, I was going to say, when you're 20s, you're like, oh my God, like I'm not going to be able to do this. And you don't realize that you do change as a person to the point that you will not want

40:15to do it. And that's one thing people don't tell you is that you will change. Like it's not like you're your 30 and five and you're like, I want to go out, but I just keep getting hungover. It's like, no, something inside you start being like, oh, 8 p.m. bedtime. Yeah. Just cuddle around. No, you don't realize how strong you are as a woman until you're putting certain situations. And until those moments, which just happens to everyone, you, you won't know until like you could be in a really bad situation. And sometimes there's good that comes of it because you're like, wait, that's how I reacted. Hell, yeah. Like I'm strong as fuck. And it's like you end up getting closer to yourself. Thank you, Mel Robbins. Yeah. Whoa. My queen. It's going on today. Quick update about cats. I was having a nice little breakfast with Desmond and he goes, yeah. You talk about me on the pod and I was like, what pod?

41:17I was like, I never talk about you on the pod. I don't talk about you. I'm getting blown up with the m saying, let Hannah adopt the cat. And sometimes we use our power for evil and I agree with that. And I said, you know, it's crazy. I swear to God, I did not tell the gigglers. This is gigglers. Take, they see you as a barrier to my joy. We don't control people. I may have accidentally said that like you didn't think it was a good idea for me to get a cat and they took that as a threat. Yeah. And their hearts are in totally the right place. But then I obviously saw Genevieve who now we're going, P.K. and P.K. We have a lot of options. And she was in a slow cell because she's still as ringworm. Well, yeah. Keep her away from the other cats. But I went to volunteer at this place and I walk in and there was like a girl standing there and she just looks, she goes, I had a burner. Like I forget that people might know who I am and she must have been so freaked out.

42:22And then I was like, you want to clean some poop with me. So me and this giggler just like cleaned poop for like, wait, have you ever seen an animal that legit has worms? So ringworm actually isn't worm. It's a fungus. Right. But have you ever seen animals that legit have worms? No, I don't want to see it. It's disgusting. I don't want to see it. That's why I'm not a vet. I would have become a vet if I can handle any kind of pain. Like one time we had a dog and he had worms like right when we got him and I was a little. And I remember like watching the like it went to the bathroom and the worm was like a live in its poop. I remember turning to my dad and being like, I don't fuck with animals. It took you literally 17 years to recover from that. No, I remember I was like maybe five and I remember looking up at my dad and being like, get it away from, I don't give a fuck about this dog. Get it away from me. You go, I like my sparkly cute things in my room that don't poop. And I treat them as my children.

43:23So Genevieve's doing well. You guys can stop damning does. He doesn't support me and he's not letting me adopt it. But he gets the memo. Pandora makes it easy for you to find your favorite music. Discover new artists and genres by selecting any song or album and will make you a personalized station for free. Download on the Apple App Store or Google Play and enjoy the soundtrack to your life. Hey Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now I don't know if you've heard but Mint's premium wireless is $15 a month. But I'd like to offer one other perk. We have no stores. That means no small talk. Crazy weather we're having. No, it's not. It's just weather. It is an introverts dream. Give it a try at MintMobile.com slash switch. Up from payment of $45 for three month plan, $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer for three months only. The real cost of a break in isn't your valuables. It's the feeling that your home stopped being safe.

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45:24And trust me, you're going to want to visit your nearest Ulta store or Ulta.com to shop sold Asian arrows new intense perfume mist. Wait, we didn't even talk about me going on Chloe's pod. Wait, tell us everything. I want all the details, all the nuance. No, she's such a good person. Now this is the second or third time so you guys were like, hey, what's up? It wasn't like a hi. Yeah, it was like, I literally walked in. I was like, thanks for having me. This is going to be so fun. Here's how I will sum up my entire morning with Chloe. When the pod was over and we were about to leave, she pulls out of her purse this big and then she goes, truly, this little like, like, figurine of Jesus. And she goes, I want you to have this. And I go, what is this? She goes, oh, I just have like all these like mini little figurines of Jesus.

46:25And like, sometimes I'll leave them in a bathroom if I'm somewhere or if like I'm with someone and I feel like, hey, like you need this. Like, it might just like help someone. Wait, it's like Elf on a shelf, but Jesus. Yeah, but it's like literally the size of like my nail. And I was like, that's, I'm sorry, that's the nicest thing Kim DeSorba was crying somewhere. No, my mom was like, oh, that's nice. She's like, I bet she has a lot of people we need in your life. Okay. She goes, that's nice. She's close to God. It's very important. No, but I was like, that's so sweet. Like, who does that? I have to talk to you for an hour. You need help. You're going to need this. I'm stronger than a therapist. I think you need Jesus. Wait, it would be so funny if she gave you San Anthony. That's my dog. That's my guy. Did you tell her we have a faith-based podcast? I didn't. I didn't say that. Who do you think she would like more? Like, if we both were on, like, I'm not saying like, like, we both were our most charming.

47:27That's my friend, how dare you did I ask you this when you were chumming it up with Haley. You thought about it? But I didn't say it. Well, it's because of the Kardashians. No, of the Kardashians, I think that you and her would get along the most because I, when I said this to her, she's the funniest by far hands down the funniest. Or do you think, unless we're getting Rob involved, I actually think Rob is the funny. And I hate to say that, that I think a man is, but I think Rob is the funniest of all of them. Chloe is out there every fucking season doing the work. She's an argument that I would get along with Kim the best because Kim is like you. So like we would mesh where like Chloe likes you better because you guys are different. You know when like you walk into a room, you can feel someone's aura. Like you know. No, she's a sweet one. You know when someone's going to be rude to you or like you know when someone's like, hi, she has, and she's been famous for so long.

48:28She is zero of that. She genuinely is very down to earth. Other than like they live in massive houses and she has a custom, she's a custom bed, Hannah, that's two king size beds. I said, where do you get your sheets? And she goes, babe, they're custom because I was like, wait, you can't just stop at target and get double king size sheets. I'm like, where are you getting them? So Chloe publicly has been through so much and I can't even imagine privately and she has stayed as like such a light. Chloe after dark was ahead of its time. She had a radio show. Did you talk to her about Chloe? Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare.

49:29Nightmare. She's like, the cat girls all switched over to cats. No, I feel like every cool girl is. Did you call her Chloe or Chloe? Chloe, I respected. I wrote her a note though, because I brought her a gift. Oh, you love a note. Yeah, you love a note. I brought her a gift when I went to do her pod and I wrote her a little note and I made sure I put the asterix over her e in her name, because I think that's extremely important. She gave me an entire gift box of all stuff for Kitty. Wait, you guys have the same love language. You just want to give each other gifts and Jesus. And she bedazzled. I mean, she didn't do it, but the churros that Kitty loved, they were bedazzled. Shut up. Yeah, I showed Kitty when we got home. You have to get her a vintage or something like a really beautiful rose right next time you see her. That's so smart. I do have to say the text you wake up with sometimes can make her break your day. No, you ever wake up when you text you go, let's not do today.

50:32No. Less. I'm trying to think the last time, like I got my day was ruined and before I'd even gotten out of bed. You didn't say anything when two days ago I sent you like my first or second ever invisible ink text. What did it say? I don't remember, but I'm going to be honest, Hannah. I get a lot of invisible text. You're a fault. I'm rolling in invisible text. See, I'm not a fault. So people are really doing it. Oh, I'm reading it. Yep, can't say that out loud. But also, it's my question. If you were subpoenaed, they're not going to be like, well, it was invisible. So we can't use it against with the jury. And even you can uninvisible it and still screenshot it. Imagine it's like a murder case and he's like, I'm going to tell you right now if I did it or not in visible text. Get ya. We haven't gotcha it in a while. Gotcha. No, invisible text is solely for, we don't, I don't know who you're around in this exact moment. God forbid someone looked over at your phone and saw a page to Sorbo saying the most nefarious

51:37disgusting thing ever about someone. You remember now, which does happen. Yeah, maybe when it's like about a person, I've invisible to full pictures. I don't know you could do that. I'm like, wait, get a load of this one. Get a load of this. I do have to say I made it a good purchase recently because you know me, I don't make a lot recently. Yeah, I got a new phone screen. Like invisibility cloak on it. No, just normal one, but I should get the invisible one. But this one, I didn't realize how long I was using it like while it was cracked. But like a fresh screen, I'm scrolling like, I feel like a gazelle in an open view for it. I didn't realize how messed up my last one was. It's kind of like when you hurt like your thumb and you're like, whatever, I'll be fine. It's my thumb. And then you're like, holy shit, I use my thumb more than anybody part.

52:38I'm like, how am I getting through the day without my goddamn thumb? Also, you know what, Gen Z's that I love you guys. I don't know if there is tovazus because back in my day, if you dropped your phone, you're not like, remember when you dropped your phone? You're dead. I've been shot. Like, everyone's like, no. Yeah. Obviously you're a kid, you drop your phone like every fucking second. So like you dropped your phone to cracks and then you had to like tell your parents, then it was like a whole ordeal. That was a whole ordeal. That was a whole ordeal. I was trying, I broke my phone so many times. Yeah. I just like got out. I got a lot of stuff out. I feel like this is so therapeutic for me. No, it's so necessary. Especially after a long day when like everyone annoys you. And then just to be like, and you know what's crazy is because I was in the car for an hour before this and I already vented to my mom. So I'm going on two hours of just like, and another thing I thought of. Some days I get nothing done because I'll vent to you.

53:39Yeah. Vent to does. Yeah. Vent to my mom. Yeah. So like a whole new crop of issues have started. I have to go talk to you again. Talk to my mom. Talk to does. I've wasted full days, tax day. And my mom's like, what'd you do today? And I'm like, you know what I did? Yeah. I've been making the rounds. Sorry. You know the horse that's in my home that I was beating. Like, come on. No, and also recently, me and Hannah are like, I feel like we've found such peace that you have us because recently I've noticed myself calling you and telling you. You gossip that like we've already talked about. I'm like, let's like, there's nothing new, but I'm like, let's just like revisit it. Like we don't even have a new gossip to get into sometimes. I mean, I'm so proud of us. Yeah, I know. But I mean, knock on wood. It's like a little boring, sometimes not super boring. I'm like, I don't know. I'm so creepy married person that's like, tell me about your dating life because I'm

54:39over here married. It's not even like dating life drama. I'm like, when Grace tells us she went on a date, the way we freak the fuck out, we're like, tell us everything. Yeah, I'm like, I want like, I want group chat drama. I want like, I need something. We don't have any friend group drama. What's a, what friend group? You know what's crazy? We started out with a large friend group. Wait, I cried one night and it was like, why are you crying? Are you crying over a boy? I'm like, no, because I'm losing all my friends. What? And they're like, welcome to your 30s. Oh, yeah. They just, the people who drop off, because like, yeah, I recently saw a TikTok of all these photos of like, people hanging out having the best time in their 20s. And it's just me with the faker's friends I've ever had. Sometimes I do feel bad. I'm like, oh, wait, I don't have like a bat, many friends or like, to go out with like, everyone's like doing their own thing. Like, I don't have a co-, I guess I, what I'm saying is, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

55:40what I'm saying is, I don't have a cohesive friend group where they all know each other. Mm, you know, like all my girlfriends don't really, like, they know each other, but they're not like, it's not one big group text. I do have to say the comedy community is quite nice, because they all know each other and they do have good gossip. Yeah, no, the comedy community does have really good gossip. No, but sometimes I'll listen to like, some of my other friends who have these like, big friend groups and either like, half of them are married, so they hang out with their husbands or like, some of them are single, so they'll go out, whatever. Truly couldn't pay me. Like, then I'll hear those stories and I'm like, no, no, no, no, I want no part of that. It's some of the most insane, because here's the thing, even though you get married, that doesn't mean you are matured, that doesn't mean you figured out anything in yourself internally. So now you're just bringing along another person to witness your debauchery. So some of like, friend group drama where it's like, everyone's married.

56:41I'm like, miss me with it. Like, I rather have no one and be with my cat and have peace than be whatever the fuck that is. You've had like, 40 epiphanies on this pod about your existence and it was super, super, super powerful. It's a perfect time to red light mask and settle in for the night. Wait, I'm going to see you tomorrow night. Yeah, I'm so excited. I'm, I'm so excited. I'm literally going to get to my shoot tomorrow and be like, no, I have a hard hour. My friends get me over. My friends sleeping over. I can't tell you the last time I had a friend sleep over. No, I'm so excited and we're going to be like, night. Well, then I was thinking I was like, we should like, I lay in the bed with her like, I'm going to like, like, like, like, like, talk. At least we'll like, watch something together and then we'll see like, where we want to sleep. Okay. We'll discuss. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye. Three o'clock kids are home.

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