Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, Mind Your Own Business

0:00From the world of personal transformation, this is a better you and a minute or two, with Dr. John McGrail, a nationally and internationally renowned hypnotherapist, self-improvement expert, and teacher of spirituality. Dr. McGrail is a leading voice and personal growth in mind-body transformation. As founder of a Better You Incorporated, he's helped clients around the globe to private sessions, seminars, keynotes, and powerful interactive workshops. He is also the author of The Syntasis Effect, your direct path to personal power and transformation, and has been featured in major media, including Time, Readers Digest, US News and World Report, Huffington Post and BBC Radio. And now, here's Dr. John. Here I am. Welcome to today's episode. We're wrapping up the week with another Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and it's all small stuff, based on the wonderful best-selling book by Dr. Richard Carlson, who, as you know, I admire so greatly, because he was just such a smart, practical man.

1:09You know, life doesn't have to be as complex as we make it. We can keep things much more simply, and that's one of the things that I love so much about the book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and the Subtitles, and it's all small stuff. Think about how often you fly off the handle, get all wigged out, and all bent out of shape when, in the big scheme of things, whatever it is, you're getting wigged out and bent out of shape about it, it really isn't very important. Which kind of reminds me of something that I know I talked about before. Before you do that, if you're more mindful and more present, you can say, hey, is this really worth the energy I'm about to put into it? If you just take that three seconds to ask that question, you can say it yourself so much grief and conflict. Anyway, today's subject is about minding your own business. How often have you found yourself saying, or do you find yourself saying things like, I wouldn't do that if I were him? I can't believe she did that. What was she thinking about? Why did she say that? How often are you frustrated, bothered, annoyed, or concerned, Dr. Carlson asked about things that you not only cannot control, or be actual help with, but are also, well, none of your business.

2:15I mean, he says, and I love this, it's tough enough to create a life of serenity when dealing with your own mental tendencies, issues, real life problems, habits, contradictions, and complexities of life. But when you feel compelled to deal with other people's issues as well, your goal of becoming more peaceful becomes all but impossible. And of course, part of living room number one is to be as peaceful and as content and as serene as you possibly can. Will it be perfect? No, of course not. Life is going to have problems. We've discussed that before. You can never ever get rid of your problems. In fact, one of the biggest problems people have is trying to think or thinking that somehow life is supposed to be this endless series of pleasant experiences, one after another, whether it's just no pain, there's no suffering, that would be so completely unrealistic. And yet people think because we see it on TV, you know, the happily ever after, boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back, they live happily ever after. And so the movies and the media paint this picture of Nirvana where happily ever after is there's never anything going wrong again, and that's the feeling you get.

3:16And it feels yummy, but it's just not reality. There is sort of happily ever after. There is mostly happily ever after, but I don't think there is completely absolutely happily ever after. Okay, I'm getting off point here. So as Dr. Carlson says, this is not a prescription to avoid being of help to people. It's about knowing when to help and when to leave something alone. Well, how do we tell the difference? Let's talk about that right after this message. Well, I'm looking good. Thank you. Just became a real ID. What's the plan in Prompti Road Trip? Actually, the plan is to pledge New York for today's product lunch, and then visit the family in California and cap it off with a girl's weekend in New Orleans. You really can do all that. Sure, I'm a real ID. So I'm good to board any domestic flight. Speaking of which, I got a fly. Nice. Enjoy it. I'll be here. Your real ID self today. To learn how, visit TSA.gov slash real ID or your local DMP. Okay. Now, I used to be, and most of us, many of us are, the kind of person who would kind of jump in and try to solve a problem.

4:22I mean, that's what I do for a living. I help people make change. I help people solve problems. But of course, the people that I'm helping come to me. I used to be the night, or want to be the night in shining armor to everybody. I was the savior. I'll save you. Don't you worry, little girl. And of course, it's a prescription for disaster. Not only is it fruitless most of the time, but most a lot of the time, if not all the time, it's unappreciated and sometimes even resented. And Dr. Carlson mentions that very thing. So if you're one of those people like I used to be a savior that rides in to save the day and is overly involved in the lives of others, you really should look at your own because so often it's people who have that tendency or doing it to make up for their own insecurities. You know what you'll say and clean up your own house first before you clean other people's houses. Now, Dr. Carlson goes on to remind us that minding your own business goes far beyond simply avoiding the temptation to try to solve other people's problems. It includes ease dropping, gossiping, talking behind other people's backs, and analyzing or trying to figure out other people.

5:23One of the major reasons he says that most of us focus on the shortcomings and problems of others is to avoid looking at ourselves. Oh man, boom! Does that hit home? Well, it should. It certainly did for me. And when I first read this book 20, 30 years ago, I was just astounded by this chapter in particular. So what's to do? Well, first of all, recognize it. If you are doing this and most of us do at some time or another, think of how painful gossip really is. You're just trying to overcome your own insecurities by talking about the foibles of other people. So, Dr. Carlson suggests that when you catch yourself involved where you really don't belong, back off and then congratulate yourself for having the humility and the wisdom to do so. And he promises, and I agree that in no time at all, you'll free up tons of time to focus your attention where it's truly relevant or needed. And you know where that is? On making yourself better. Hey, get out there and live rule number one. Let me know what you think about all this. I love hearing from you guys. And, you know, let's live life, large. I'll see you next time.

6:25Thanks for listening to a Better You and a Minute or two. The show that helps you live more joyfully and powerfully a few minutes at a time. To learn more about Dr. John and his work, visit Dr.JohnMcGrale.com. If you have personal questions, would like to work with Dr. John or book him as a speaker, call 1-800-369-1516 or email Dr. JohnMcGrale at gmail.com. You'll receive a personal and confidential response. Until next time, be well and be your best self.