#284: Can You Change Your Attachment Style?

Ask Us A Question

You know the words by now: anxious and avoidant.

Maybe you’ve taken the quizzes, watched the videos, and gotten pretty good at spotting the pattern in your own relationship.

And you’re still having the same fight.

So what are you actually supposed to do with any of this?

In this episode, we’re talking about how attachment styles can help us understand a relationship without turning into permanent labels for ourselves or our partners. We’ll look at why anxious and avoidant people are often drawn to each other in the first place, what actually happens when one person starts reaching and the other starts pulling away, and why knowing your “style” is only the beginning.

Tom and I are also sharing a story about a season in our own marriage when he pulled away, I chased, and space became a very real conversation between us.

We’re answering your questions about breadcrumbing, meeting an avoidant partner in the middle, and why it can feel like all the responsibility gets handed to the anxious person.

And near the end, I’ll give you four sentences you can use when someone you love has gone quiet on you.

The words are simple.

What you do after you say them is the harder part.

A Quick Note

We’re almost at the end of this run of your most-requested and most-downloaded episodes, brought back with new opens and closes. Brand-new Love Shack Live episodes are right around the corner.

Resources & Links

Attachment Style Questionnaire (ECR-R): The original attachment questionnaire we reference in this episode. → https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/ECR.php

Is My Marriage Dead? + The Crisis Communication Scripts: Two new resources to help you get clearer on what’s happening in your relationship and have the conversations that feel hardest. → https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/is-your-marriage-dead/

The Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. Get clearer on whether you’re experiencing a rough patch or real trouble. → https://www.betterlovequiz.com/

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.