#283: Why We Wait Too Long to Get Help With Our Marriage

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There's a conversation you and your partner need to have, and it's been sitting under the grocery list and the kids' appointments for a few years now. Not because it doesn't matter. Because you figure they'll be there no matter what, and everything else has a deadline.

So here's what we're after today. How come our marriage is the one thing we're ashamed to get help for? You'd hire somebody for the business. You'd find a specialist for your knee. You'd tell your friends about both over dinner.

There's a phrase in here I want you listening for. Emotional gas. It explains almost everything about why you can't get traction right now no matter how hard you're trying, and it explains what somebody is actually telling you when they say "I just can't do this anymore." It isn't what you think.

Brooke asks the question I get more than any other, what to do when you know you need help and your partner is dead set against it, and she gives you the words. Two sentences. Then she tells the story of her and Jack, which she's never told on this show. She was 18. What she found out at 30 about why he really ended it is the part I wasn't prepared for.

And the thing we've been sitting on for months. Both books are out. Is My Marriage Dead? is for the person who can't tell whether this is a rough stretch or the real thing. I was a divorce mediator for thirteen years, and there's a pattern in there I have never seen anybody else name. The Crisis Communication Scripts is the other half, because changing a pattern takes two parts and most of us only ever get handed the first one.

If you've been telling yourself you'll deal with this once things settle down, listen to this now rather than later. Later is the whole problem.

Resources & Links

The books are out. Is My Marriage Dead? A Divorce Mediator's Guide to Finding Out What's True, and What to Do About It The Crisis Communication Scripts: Exact Words for Our Most Challenging Moments: https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/is-your-marriage-dead/

Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. An honest answer to whether this is a rough patch or real trouble. https://betterlovequiz.com

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.