Who's Really Steering Your Healing? A Catholic Therapist Explains

0:00Well everyone, my name is Adam Cross and I'm a licensed marriage family therapist in Southern California. I'm also the founder of the Catholic Therapy Center. At the Catholic Therapy Center we have eight Catholic clinicians really providing a holistic approach to healing through the power of the Holy Spirit and we have therapists who have a wide variety of specialties providing in-person and tele-altheraubis. So if you're looking for a therapist in California, looking for a Catholic therapist, solid Catholic therapist, feel free to check out the Catholictherapycenter.com. We have an amazing team and I love being able to work with each and every one of them. So it's a real blessing. Today I want to talk to you about who is driving your healing process. So in therapy, a lot of times I will see I'll work with a lot of clients who come in and they have a strong agenda right now. I want to specify goals for therapy. Always a good thing, right? We want therapy goals. Long term short term goals. We want goals for therapy. But as a therapist, I will notice certain things that

1:06happen in the room is sometimes clients come into a therapy session and they have an agenda of what needs to happen and how that needs to look and how that needs to feel. Again, goals are not bad. Expectations are good, but sometimes that can feel like a strong force, even an obsessive force, even a rigid force in therapy. And I've experienced that too. As a therapist, sometimes clients want to come in and they feel compelled to list what is going on. Maybe they feel actually compelled. Like if I don't share with my therapist what happened this week, I will not be healed and I will not be okay. And so I need to get this out. Right? So sometimes we can refer to that as like a listing compulsion. And I've worked with a lot of people who have this experience. I need to get it out. I need to tell you this. I need to do it. Right. And again, like venting is definitely a welcome in therapy. And it's actually a process and an important process every week for someone to share with their therapist. Like what happened that week? Can we check in? Like that is very good.

2:10And that's not what I'm not discouraging that at all. But what I am kind of inviting you to, if you're watching or listening to this, is ask this question of what is behind that check-in? What emotions are fueling, sharing, or driving the therapy session? Right? With your therapist. Because sometimes there can be almost like this manager part of you that manages your healing, right? Like a healing manager that is saying, here's how we have to direct this session. Here's how we have to present this. Here's how we have to disclose this. Because if not, you won't be healed. Right. Now, that's not all that. Because as a therapist, I need to know what's going on. And I need to know where you're at. And I want to hear about your week and I care about your week. But if we are operating from that fear, right, especially if we are operating from or coming from place of OCD and anxiety. And now that OCD and anxiety is managing your healing, a couple of things happen, right?

3:14It's going to be really uncomfortable to do anything but list and share event. And so you might even find yourself if your therapist wants to talk about something else or slow down. It might be really hard to trust them. It might be really hard to do those things. You might find yourself thinking, but I need to tell you this thing. Oh, but here's another example. Oh, and then this thing happened. Oh, I forgot this part, right? And again, not bad to share those things. But you have to ask, what's behind it? Am I okay if I don't get to share my whole life story this session? Am I okay that if we slow down and kind of explore these things, that healing will occur, that God will still use this. Even if my therapist doesn't know every single part of my life, right? And again, we want to be seen. We want to be heard. But can we trust the process? Or is that anxious part of us, that anxious healing manager trying to ensure healing? Another thing that happens if that anxious part of us is controlling the therapy process or the healing process is that we're going to hit walls where maybe we don't really trust the therapist.

4:20The therapist wants to process this thing, right? And we're thinking, I don't think that's valuable. I don't think that's productive. Or maybe we're thinking like they're not doing it right? I just need to keep talking, right? And again, I want to normalize. Talking is important. We want to share. Therapists want to hear how you're doing. But sometimes there's going to be a limit to that, where we might say, hey, I know it's uncomfortable for you to slow down into this. But I actually think this is really where we're called to go. Or this might be really helpful. And therapists want your buy-in. They want you to say, yes, they're not going to force anything on you. But they might be asking you, hey, would you want to spend more time here? Could we slow down into that? And a healing, anxious manager is probably going to say no, right? Or deflect or redirect. Right? So why am I saying all this? We want to be aware of not just like what we're bringing to therapy, but how and why? How am I going into this? What expectations do I have about the healing process about my therapist,

5:24about how I'm performing in therapy that might really affect or limit how I heal? Because a lot of times healing can mean I'm slowing down. I'm actually talking slower. I'm breathing more. I'm noticing now I'm feeling. And hopefully therapists will be able to name that if you're feeling rushed and compelled and you're anxious. But it's also good for anyone going to therapy to be considering is, am I going into therapy with the sense of peace? Hey, I will be able to tackle these things one at a time. I have the tools. I will be given the tools. I can't even share with my therapist about fear of not being able to or not, you know, feeling like I don't have the tools. We can talk about these expectations. Right? And I can slow down, take it one sub of time. They'll like God is working in each step. And that is the healing process, right? To do this, one thing at a time or am I anxiously trying to steer it to what I think healing is going to look

6:30like? We might be doing that without really considering it, without knowing it. So it's not like you're doing it intentionally, but that anxious part of you might kind of have an agenda going into therapy. We just want to be able to bring that to the surface. Wait, what do I think will happen if I don't perform like this? If I don't share like this, what do I think would happen if I let my therapist guide a little bit more, direct a little bit more. Right? So these are all things to be reflecting on, praying on journaling about going into therapy, coming out of therapy, talking about with your therapist, right? What are your expectations for healing? Who steer in the ship in your healing journey? And ultimately, again, we, the goal, right? The ideal goal is something to work on as a part of the therapy healing processes. We want to be approaching even this journey of healing with peace with trust, with a sense of compassion for ourselves and what we've been through, since a kindness, gentleness, right? So that we're not trying to force or push, because forcing and

7:35pushing healing becomes an obstacle to that healing. So we want to slow down. We want to be able to approach this from the place of peace with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. And to be able to work with those anxious parts of ourselves and the, and any other parts of us that want to have some time and space in the healing process and therapy. So we want to really bring that in. Last thing I'll kind of share with that too is there may be an anxious part of you in therapy who's is kind of like that that small kid who's afraid of the dark. You may be telling that anxious part of you, hey, I need you to stop steering the ship for me. I need to steer the ship of therapy and healing and it's kind of like telling a little kid who's afraid of the dark, we'll just go to sleep and turn off the lights and deal with it. And then anxious part of you might think, well, if I can't do something here, we're not going to be okay. This isn't going to go well. And so you could tell that little kid who's afraid of the dark, you know, just be quiet, shut up, go to sleep, turn the lights off. And it's going

8:36to have a really hard time. That is an option, but you also don't want to tell this anxious part of you. You know what? Do whatever you want. Just do whatever sounds good. You can steer the ship. You can run it all. It's like telling a little kid who's afraid of the dark, go on to sleep. You know what? Just turn the lights on. You don't really need to go to bed. Right. Do whatever you want. We don't want that either. And so this healthy middle ground is like telling a little kid who's afraid of the dark, hey, I'm going to be here with you. Maybe we do need to shine a light in that corner. So you can know that there's nothing there. Maybe we need to have a conversation about monsters. Maybe we have to have a conversation about how does Jesus show up when we're afraid? Right. What would help? Like, okay, maybe we need a night light. Maybe we need some water. Maybe we need, you maybe need to have your back scratch so you can fall asleep. We're working with this anxious part of you. We're not trying to shut it out. Right. We're not letting it do whatever it wants, but we are trying to help it and work with it with a lot of compassion and gentleness to do what we've set out to do. Right. In this case, it's to have a good night's rest. But in the therapy room,

9:39it's saying, hey, I understand you're worried that you won't be seen. You won't be heard or that it won't work. Right. Or there's money. This investment won't be enough or won't be worth it because you didn't do it right. And I get that. And that's scary. Let's talk about expectations because I need you to step away from steering the ship so I can steer it. But I get why you're worried. And let's talk about how God is going to show up in the therapy room. And let's talk about his plans for healing and peace and where can we trust in that? Right. Where makes it? Well, it makes it hard to trust in that. But we can examine all that together. Right. So you don't have to anxiously manage anything on your own. Now, if you're watching this and you grew up being told, don't talk to yourself. If you're talking to yourself, you're crazy. Sorry, but you're going to feel crazy. But in some ways, it is really important to dialogue with your anxiety. You know, if your anxiety was a person, well, they'd be telling you, right? What expectations would be shared? What fears, what beliefs would come up? That dialogue is important. Right. So we want to use our

10:40imagination. Our imagination is actually one of the powers of the soul, right? Are made in image and likeness of God. Thomas Aquinas talks about the powers of the soul. God has given us his likeness in a lot of ways and our imagination is one of them. And so can we imagine dialoguing with our anxiety with this anxious part of us, right? Or whatever parts of us might show up so that we can begin to understand how we are approaching therapy, how we're operating in therapy, how we can move towards peace away from self-reliance, away from criticism towards compassion, and a therapy experience that is also guided by the Holy Spirit. So bring all this to your therapist. If you feel like it applies to you, bring your expectations to therapy that only helps the process and your therapist to understand what's on your heart and what's going on with you. So love to hear any comments, questions on this video. If you know someone who would benefit from it, please share it with them. But thanks for tuning in. I'll see you next time. God bless.