Under The Table And Loving It

0:00We're recording here. Check your mic real quick. We're recording here. Did the level. How it means? It sounds... Get me out of here. These guys stink. Your balls are racing. Your balls have old-time notion. We're not the same. They're not. Hey, look at this. What dream come true? Hey. I'm probably in the dark because of that column. Yeah, it looks like I'm interviewing someone for Channel 5. My voice is being... Disguised. So when did you start importing the children? The mayor. The mayor told me that if I didn't import kids, I would never see my 22nd birthday. I was 26, but I looked younger. Now you're 44. Stop importing the kids. I started to like it. Turns out we have a secret water park here. We didn't know about it. Yeah, man. Canada. You know, everybody bitches about... Higher taxes, but it goes towards stuff like water slides in your mid hotel. Every kid has a jacuzzi by law.

1:02They get given a thousand dollars in Canadian currency on their 6th birthday. And on their 12th, they get given water wings. And on their 18th, everyone gets an above ground pool. It's amazing here. Yeah, it's not bad at all. We're staying at a fair field in Winnipeg. And it's better than most of the hotels I've stayed at in Austin. There's the stink hotel for rat people. Yeah. Somebody had a birthday party here because it's... Lux. Someone's gonna be having a birthday party here until late in the night. They had not even set up. There's a lot of people running around late last night. Did you hear a little feet plopping down the hallway? No. But I'm not haunted like you. It happens. And all those kids you imported. They did their goes. Yeah, why? Yeah, because you were taking them to Tulsa. I had a perfect smile. And I loved my family. You ruined it. But yeah, we are together. You did some of the bigger podcasts out there. Becker and I talked about Disney and how I got...

2:05had a frustrating interaction at the Del Taco drive-through in Colorado Springs. But now we're back together. One guy was playing the hit. Well, yeah, it was perfect because one guy is like, oh, great. They're just talking about food that becker ate. And then the next comment is like, man, that's some classic shit. Isn't that the whole pod? Isn't that what made them fall in love in the first place? It's... Well, I'm glad that we moved away from it to a certain extent. But it is nice to like revisit old classics. The foundation of this pod is a mullonge of what's Lund's deal. Where's Sam bin? What did Becker eat? Yeah. Those are pretty much the three hydras of this. Right. The interlocking rings. I had a foe hawk earlier today. You came outside with a foe hawk. He greeted me with a foe hawk. I show up yesterday. He's got his Tom Seismor. It's awesome. It's not a sell-acquit's a Seismor. That's you. Yeah. So was he by the end, right? I wanted to find him. No. I don't think so. Okay. I can't remember, but...

3:05I thought he was discovered. That's the rule, guys. Set the bar that low. As long as when you die, you're not discovered. You can be found by a loved one. But what you don't want is to be discovered, like, behind the CVS. Like electricity. In the bathroom with the taco john. Great. You want to be stumbled upon. Yeah. Yeah. I was trying to trim my beard a little bit and then bifft it over here. And I was like, well, let's see what develops. And I ended up with this. We have a big week of literary events. Yeah, I want to look tough for the book. Yeah, yeah. You look like a guy in cruise, and dude, look. I don't read. I play video games. Yeah. And you put your sunglasses on. You pick up your game boy. You're playing double dragon. It's too hard. You're playing battle codes. Yeah. I need a quarter. It's a game boy. Get me a quarter. I eat it. Yeah. It's quarter pounder. It's nice to be together again. Yeah. Another long one. Like when we were in the south, we're going all over the Great Lakes region.

4:07I appreciate your guys' commitment to my dreams. Boy, yeah. And then beckers going to hang out for an extra. You're going to see Becker for two and a half months straight. Becker and Pat are going to have squatters, right? Yeah, they're not going to leave. They're going to be in their protesting, the bathroom rules. But yeah, I haven't seen Becker and Forever because you guys were in LA. I stole them away, man. And then we were going to, I thought we were going to do our podcast episode together, the Patreon together. But you had the equipment, so we had to do it remote. And then, yeah, we didn't meet up after for milkshakes or anything. I've had a fucking whiplash, man. I've been cooked. Yeah. It's been a kuku catastrophe for me. I mean, not in a bad way, but like, yeah, between going to LA with Becker and then having like two days home before we went to Milwaukee. And then I went down to Austin for a couple of days to do some pods and stuff. And then was home for like a day before Winnipeg. So you haven't had your big suitcase full of stuff for like three weeks. Oh, my merch has been missing since Milwaukee.

5:08Yeah. They lost it. I had that big travel day, Krufuffle, where like I barely made it to Austin in time on Monday and then like had to run on stage and was like, yeah, my bags just either in Milwaukee or Detroit or Austin. Are you changed your flight later so that you could chill? Yeah, yeah. And then it just wound up me being like frantic all day and scared. Fuck. Yeah, at the Denver airport. Yeah. I was like, ah. So I went from like a couple less hours sleep and then like having to take a nap to just I don't know if I'm on a maker. I got to promote this fucking book to everyone who will listen. So yeah, that was a lot of it. Whoa. That's a lot of stuff. But it worked out and now we're in Winnipeg and we're at the nicest hotel in North America from what I can tell. As far as the pool, yeah, pool hot water slide, like two story waterslide. And then that big like, I don't know what you call that. Like a splash pad on water feature. I think it's a splash pad but there's a fountain that comes out about three feet of water

6:10so the kids can be in there and getting, ah, making it rain. Yeah. It's a nice operation for the Canadian youth. That looked cool. Maybe wow, we'd have to get in there right after this for like 45 minutes. Yeah, just a couple of guys show up. We could afternoon. I'm here for the birthday party. We're here for the fountain. Hold is little Andrea. Oh, 53. Is a retirement birthday party? That was last night. Yeah. So, rumors, if it's your birthday and you tell them you get a little mug with like passes or something and the host, Andy Noble from Winnipeg, Winnipeg Zone. Funny guy. Favorite son. Well, second favorite late show host, Mike Green. Also Winnipeg's number one favorite. They're one A1 beast. Yeah. Yeah. Andy had, they're nihilous and frazier. Yeah. Andy had twins and I was like, oh, hell yeah, because you think blonde on the beach. And twins. Yeah. I was like that. But no, 70 year old twins. A girl with a bottle between her boobs, while she's going like this.

7:10Come get it, boys. Yeah. Soups on. Great. The water's fine. Tiger got striped. Everybody's going to get laid. But no, 70. 70 year old twins. I didn't see either of them. I didn't make a girl. It was boy girl. Yeah. Boy girl, the worst kind of. But still identical at that age. Yeah. Genderless. Yeah, genderless. Like, I mean, friendless, apparently. If you're going to your say, also, how did you wind up at my show on your 70th birthday? Big fans. Maybe. Kill Tony. Yeah. They're like, kill me. I'm 70. I'm Tony. Please kill me. Call me Tony. End it. They keep calling me Tony. I just asked me Antonio last year. I've never followed through on anything. I can't start now. So somebody has to do it for me. Yeah. Smother me in gravy. I want to be poutine. Do you see Croatian Owens, giant play to poutine last night? No. It's like a fucking pizza tray of just poutine. And he has a dice necklace and he kept swearing at me in Croatian.

8:12That was a fun way to spend time. Yeah, it's, well, single die. Mm-hmm. Just one die. Because he likes to take chances. Yeah. Took a chance on his neck wear. Sure did. On his jewelry chances. Yeah. There was another kid there named Alex, so I kept calling Clifford. We're having a lot of them. Give them a name. Clifford this weekend. They'll answer to whatever. Who cares? If they're good at their job. You want to be red. Then call you salty. Whatever you want. Jasper, I thought about how this was a long, another long two weekends connected, gone 10 days. It's hard. On Megan, I have to take care of the dogs and everything and work as much as she does. But I really wanted to come to Winnipeg. And both shows last night. I tell the crowd. Not lying. I've been to Canada twice. Both times. Right? Fucking here. Yeah. They were going. That's when you were talking about Windsor versus Winnipeg and how they won that one. And they're like, yeah, fucking.

9:13Yeah. Of the two towns I know and can start with W's. Yeah. Winnipeg wins. Yeah. That. And the first show, I was like, oh, good thing I came to Winnipeg to kind of eat it. Yeah. They were quiet on a lot of stuff. I don't know. But it wasn't every dark thing. Yeah, it wasn't bad. Like the bird killing when I talk about outdoor cats killing birds, that bumps a lot of people out which I guess is fine, normal, but also funny to me. Well, they're more connected to the animals here. No, I mean everywhere. Yeah. Every where sometimes people are like quiet about like the idea of a cat killing a bunch of birds and get over it. They feel guilt. There's so many of them being murdered right now. Yeah, they're thinking about their, and when they were in college. And they didn't feel anything through that parakeet period. This one died too. Maybe it's me. They don't want to live with me. I think it's because you're hugging them too hard. But no, the early show was like, come on, man, the stinks.

10:13But the light shows fantastic. Hey, everybody. This is the last time before the book comes out that I'll ask you, please pre-order brute. It's currently under $24 on Amazon. You can get it day of. And I'm just trying to get those pre-order numbers up because I want to be a best seller. So this is the last time that I'll beg of you pleadingly. But yeah, if you listen to this podcast, if every one of you bought a book, it would be for sure the number one best-selling book. And probably be, you know, not even probably, it would be the number one book. And that would be huge. So, powers in your hands, folks. I love you. Hey, if you want to come out to a CSD book events post on Kirshavall and Detroit, the 21st at 7pm, comedy, you know, wait, Barnes and Noble on State Street, September 22nd in Chicago, Goban, Anna's comedy club on the 23rd in Cincinnati, then we'll be at Holerides and Cleveland all weekend and get those tickets.

11:13Those are selling well. And then we'll be at Morgan Stern's books and Bloomington, Indiana on the 30th of September followed by Helium Indianapolis and St. Louis. Come on out. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth, only $5 a month gets you so much more. Chubby B in your ear holes. Get in there. We started it six years ago when we started the podcast. So there's so much for you to get in there and enjoy two ups bit it out. Swing it over your head like a helicopter. It's Chubby B Patreon. Catch it. And see me record my second special October 8th in Fort Collins at the comedy Fort. That's right. Thursday, October 8th. Please get tickets now. Get an extra one for your dead buddy. Did I talk about that meeting I had where the guy had a bird on the podcast? Yes. Not with me. That was nuts. But you told me, yeah, nobody was selling it at all.

12:15I can't remember if it was like the second biggest meeting I've ever had in my career. It was a kingmaker and the guy who made the town, the fucking guy that I freaked out about the town in the first meeting and he was still like, all right, we like the book enough that we'll take a second meeting with this town maniac. Maybe he's watching a couple times, got it out of his thoughts. Yeah. The other guy directed multiple mission and possible. And so we're all in four zoom windows. It's me. It's the assistant. It's the director. It's Chris McQuarry is the guy's name. Very nice guy. He really wanted to make Bruce a movie and then this other guy Jeff and Jeff in his four panel window, I mean, I'm like receiving a pitch from like, it's like one of the biggest opportunities. We want to like franchise it and make it sequels. Meanwhile, Jeff will just have a bird land on his shoulder, fly in a light on his shoulder. And the first time it happened, I said, holy shit, Jeff's got a bird on his shoulder. Eager for any kind of comic relief or tethering in this insane situation. And everyone was just kind of like nodding and then one of the, and then Jeff's like,

13:18yes, it's my daughter's bird and she's out of town. So I'm like, all right. So then I just have to keep listening to how they want to make all my dreams come true. Well, every now and then a bird lands on Jeff and then he like looks around robotically. Says he's on the spectrum admittedly, kind of like shoes the bird and then gets up, like walks around like in the back, like getting smaller as he gets further from the camera and just like scaring a bird back into its cage. Yeah. Yeah. He's on bird duty. He's on bird duty. Well, the genie's out of the lamp and I'm rubbing it still. You know, like it was so surreal. He were rubbing it at all. Oh, dude, I was under the table, under the table and loving it. Yeah. Win a different direction, which maybe I'll talk about one day, but yeah. Yeah, probably. I don't know, hopefully. I hope so. I mean, I don't know, dude. I mean, I'm telling everybody. Yeah, I know. The guy at Cudoba was like, congratulations. That's huge. My thing. I didn't even know that was you wanted to be in movies.

14:20Yeah. But yeah, so we're so stoked. I appreciate you guys coming out. We're going to be down there. And the book, actually being able to be on the road in the van Black Flag style will be so helpful to me to be in motion and not just like sitting like in my solarium, like refreshing book sales or like searching my name. Like I can't do that the first week. I need to just like be present. I had a, you know, I tried to express it to you, express it to Emily how it's like I'm giving birth to this baby. And it's like the most important baby that I've ever had. And like I really want the world to be like, look how beautiful your baby is. And meanwhile, not only does the world not give a shit about this baby, they also don't care about any baby anymore. Like babies are out. Video games are in. Yeah. You're like, baby, are you crazy? I can put an oculus on it and be a baby. Women will come change me for $40. They need the money. Yeah. I'm like, look at this ugly baby that's cumbersome and like difficult, you know?

15:21When I told you that it will probably be similar to your current like visibility, fame, where there's like so many twitch streamers or YouTube social media influencers who have like a huge following, but they're not household names. Ideally, I think we'll continue to have a profile where people love your stuff. They tell you about it. If they see you, they thank you. That's great where I'm at. I have no forms with how things are going. Right. And so you might get a few more interactions, but based on brute versus the other stuff, but it won't be all of a sudden like insane can't go anywhere. And that sounds really difficult. Oh, no, I don't have that. Yeah, I don't mean look, I don't think that has a literary author. Of fiction for it's a female beetroot for men. I'm going to have to worry about going to the grocery store and being meringue. Yeah, people fucking clawing at me. Yeah, people holding up babies and saying, annoying it.

16:21Unknowing my young kiss its head. It's a tribute. There's drop kicking their babies off of bridge. Tribute for the harvest. Yeah, exactly. For the next book. Bless my village. Hopefully you can have an interview with Mick Fauley. Oh hell yeah. That'd be sick. Trying to arrange Mick Fauley on the pod for November. Then we're governors in Long Island. That'd be crazy. Yeah. But yeah, just like I'm really fucking proud of this thing and like it's tough because you can't talk about being an author with anyone because no one like writes books, you know, like that I hang out with. And then most people like they don't like they don't write books or read books. So it's like I don't want to bore someone, but I'm so just fucking stoked on this. And I can't wait for it to be out for people to be reading it. And for me not to just be like, you know, fucking toading around this thing that's been gestating and me for so long. We've also talked about how this is the first time you're getting the real official release. This is the biggest thing.

17:22Right. Yeah. The first one running the light was on your own word of mouth, caught fire amongst like comics. It was a bunch of jizz in the gutter and random house said, hey, we can sell that. They came and they mopped it up and squeezed it out and now it's a barn is a noble made a little freak, a little freak chug. Little humunculus. Yeah, a Devon Davis. Garbage fell. Yeah. Devon. Yeah. He's kind of our humunculus. I'm not sure if he was real or fake, but there was various times where he blessed me with an Xbox or picked you up off the ground. Xbox was real. We broke it. And he also got hoisted, which was nuts. He was stronger than he looked. Yeah, he was super confident. He could put me on his shoulders. And he did. No problem. And I was like, nobody's ever done this before. And that would never will. My dad couldn't do it. Right. When I was when I was 10, I haven't asked anybody since. But try to with my mom and now she's in a wheelchair. He fucking like like I was nothing. Yeah. Probably have more trouble with me now.

18:25Because as we saw, Bobby just sent a picture from like the Squire 2014. Yeah, we remember you as fat. You were 217 pounds. Yeah. Based on that shirtless photo, you might have been 230. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you were tremendously obese. And I thought I was very fat then. And now it's like there's not even a word. There it is. Comparative. Compared to morbidly obese. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then I think about even getting even bigger, where it's just like, you're not getting any bigger. No, it's like, I've come to peace with you being you, but I just can't let you get bigger. Now I'm not going to get bigger. I'm going to get smaller. I want to lose a little weight before the recording. And I know I can in just a couple of weeks, I just have to focus and I'll do 60 pounds. Yeah. 14 days on the road for most of it. Yeah. No, it's 70 pounds gone. Wow. It's easy. Yeah. No, it's there's the before the plateau, it's easy. Yeah. It's easy to lose. It has a bigger guy.

19:26You can lose like 20 or 30 pounds. Oh, quick. Yeah. It's just all water. Like nothing. I did it too. So yeah, I thought that we were going to have to have not a difficult conversation, but I thought maybe you would go away because last night, you think I've changed. There's everyone thinks I'm different. No. Well, it is dumb because I woke up at like seven this morning. I have to pee. I know I'm going to immediately go back to bed. So you do the same thing where you don't turn the light on in the bathroom. I don't know. Feel around. Okay. I almost all, that in the dark, I almost always double check that the toilet seat lid are up, but we almost always leave it up because we're mostly peeing. We should be sitting down. I know. We should be sitting down. I know, dude. I thought about sitting down and I was like, man, it's cold. It's cold. Not tonight. It's cold. It's drawing. It's going to wake me up. Not this time. Eyes closed in the dark. Just fucking ring in the bell.

20:26Yeah. I can hear you listening. I can hear the porcelain and then the water. Yeah. And I'm good. It's bad. You try and as long as it doesn't sound like the ground, you're doing okay. And then you want to maintain, you want to lock into the water. You just want to be in the water the whole time if you can, but I avoid the water for you. You're going to wake me? Yeah. Oh, I'm underground. In here. I'm in the quicksand. Maybe not as worried, but in some hotel rooms, I feel like it can be very echoey or if it's smaller and your bed is near. Sure. I'll try to be very considerate, but I don't think that your stream is going to wake me up. It's not a Russian river. Sometimes it's strong. Okay. Sometimes it's a little dribble. I don't fear for the enamel on the bowl. Yeah. But yeah, so I go in there. I start to pee after a few seconds. I'm like, uh-oh. What's going on here? Because I'm not hearing any water. Sounds like you're playing a snare drum very lightly. You're doing taps. Yeah. So I battle him on the republic. So I turn on the light. Oh, good.

21:26The lid is down. There's a little puddle of of of whizz of my whizz. That's it's not going anywhere like it was all on top. It didn't go off the sides or anything. It's just right there looking at me. Well, real quick. Now I'm realizing that there is a difference between what I did because I told you immediately. I was like, no problem man. Been there done that. I pissed all over the ground last night. Yeah. I pissed on the side of the toilet and the ground. But I did check that the bowl was open. I checked that the lid was open. Good for you. So there is always a difference now that I'm reflecting on. Oh, there's a difference. But we're the same. We're similar. I wasn't mad about it. We're cousins, not brothers and piss. Uh-huh. Kiss and cut. Kiss and cousins. So yeah. So it's all right there looking at me. Thank God I didn't like trailer park boy. This is very hard for me. Ricky. Both of them. Julian and Ricky combined. But like Ricky with Julian's head. It's very trippy.

22:26With the child trafficking of bubbles. It's like looking at a guy upside down before head thing. I did to my mother-in-law. Oh my God. She was like, this is what are you talking about? I don't know what you're what? They could have met what. Oh my God. There it is. Oh, Emily get over here. She loved it. Yeah. She brought Chelsea over to see it. And she was like, how did you figure this out? And I was like, me and Lund do it all the time. And she was like, what do you mean? I'm like, I'll be on the ground. I'll be like, Lund, check it out. She's like, you guys are weird. He's been to a time together. I'm like, yeah, we figured this out. It's what's in it. You're welcome. You have to have a decade of hanging out before you can do the forehead mouth. Yeah, man. A guy last night was like, I'm not saying you guys are like the same because you were different. Talking about different stuff up there. But you guys have been friends a long time. And I was like, yeah, man, we started hanging out of Ton in like 2010. We're back to lid-gid though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I turned on the light. Oh, good. Luckily I cut myself off to check. Because if it had been the whole bladder.

23:29Yeah, the back. Yeah. Yeah. So I think about, I wonder if I lift the lid, it'll just go down and then into the bowl. But I don't want to make a worse mess. So I get toilet paper, sop it up, throw it in the toilet. So our body wash from the shower, because it's just a little bar. So body wash on toilet paper, wipe the lid, couple toilet paper rounds with just water to get rid of the soap. And then dry it off. Doesn't take too long. Finish being filled so dumb. Luckily we're not here for like another several days. Right, we don't live here. Right, yeah. 40 hours in Canada. And then yeah, I saw that there was a hand towel behind the toilet and I figured you had jacked. I thought you like woke up horny or something. Or like had a sex dream and then wanted to finish the job. No, because I'm on the ground. Right. Didn't use any soap either.

24:29Just pissed on the ground through a towel down, stomped it around. Well, we don't have to go, we don't have to walk on either side of the toilet. So I do, but I don't have to. You like it. I get in there. Let me play hide and seek. That's your corner. I was in the closet last night. Yes, you were. You couldn't find me. In for most of your 20s. But yeah, that was annoying. I almost always check. And I was thinking of the dishes. To sit down. I refused to like just sit down. I've said on the pot, I know that I could, should, it's smart. Where are you going? I've got a puke. You have to spew. He's spewing. Is there a red counter? Hit the red button. Is your penis sad and shy? What? How bad it is? Who told? Your balls stole me. He's not alone.

25:30Thanks to him talking to my balls. Oh yeah. We email. Hims connects you with licensed healthcare providers online so you can access legit ED treatment options from home. Yeah, no more illegitimate. Rhino horn. No waiting on the corner for your dealer to come by. Yeah, yeah. No fingers crossed with your, look, like a string tied around your penis during a lightning storm. Not good. No awkward appointments or waiting in a pharmacy line. It couldn't be easier. You're so easy. Your provider reviews your online intake form to determine if treatment is right for you. If prescribed, it ships right to your door and you're good to go. Hims treatment options include the generic for Viagra at up to 95% less than the brand name version. Hey, guess what? Raisins with brand is the same as raising brand. Plus addition. Great addition. Plus additional treatment options and Hims in house products like hard mints and sex RX plus climax control to get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED,

26:34hair loss and more visit hymns.com slash chubby. That's h-i-m-s.com slash chubby hymns.com slash chubby. Not available in all 50 states prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Seldenafil is the generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Beatrice Specialty LLC. Hims is not affiliated with or endorsed by Beatrice. And we're back. Tarantino. Sorry, I would worry we weren't recording. But we were surprisingly enough. We have state. Yeah, we couldn't have lost all that great footage. I said that you should design a toilet lid that you can just piss on top of. And then you press a button and it turns into a grate and all the piss falls in or just the toilet folds in on itself. Trap door, crap door. Crap door. Yeah, Nathan Munn's crap door. Trap door. From the people who brought you lighthouse ranch. They haven't been calling. Yeah, because of crap door. Because I've gotten bigger and they don't want to beat.

27:34They don't want me to say that it's because of all the lighthouse ranch. Like Kramer. Had more like heavy house ranch. Kramer with the smoking. Yeah. I'm hitting it. Look at me. We have an opportunity, I think, to, and I'm going to need, you know, the greater Chicago Metroland, Chubby Bee enthusiasts. I received a desperate email from random houses, like PR person, being like the RSVPs for the Chicago event, surpassed the amount of books that they have. So we have, they're like, flight for life in more books, like Resident Evil. But we like have an actual opportunity. If people really want to do like a strange flash mob, like art, I'm going on bar stool. The morning of the 22nd, the day the book comes out. Please pre-order. Still, that'd be great. I just want to hit that best seller ranking. And then I'll never bring up the book again.

28:35Yeah, right. Yeah, I'll never talk about it ever again. Well, at least not in its paper form. But anyway, I'm going on bar stool that morning. So I'm going to be telling people come down to the Barnes and Noble on State Street 7 p.m. tonight. So I can, I think that we can like kind of do like, you know, back in the day when they would have like a true release. And people, yeah, limp biscuits, ticket sales, yeah, like I just get plays on a rooftop in 99 in the show. Yeah, and it's just a river of blood on State Street. We can really like freak out Barnes and Noble on State Street if we fucking jam it. Because right now it's already doing quite well. Like if the amount of people who showed up right now came, I'd be very happy. Cool. But now there's like the like biblical like hang like we could like take over like occupy it and make it ours. So what are they going to do? Yeah, they can't smoke weed. Yeah, like smoke weed. There's like 800 people who are stoked. And even those who just want to be involved in some kind of mass chaos, this is not a read.

29:37Yeah, it just costs. You start ripping books in half to start eating the pages. Yeah, like it could be like a real scene down there. We could make the news. Yeah. And I think Zaini's just sent out an email to their mailing list. So like come out to the on State Street in Chicago, the 22nd Barnes and Noble, get your books. I'll be signing them Q&A with Lund. Post in Detroit on Kershawal, the 21st. Lund will be there, Becker will be there, Pat will be there. Since Nadi Gobanan is Morgan Stern's books Bloomington the 30th Cleveland this weekend for standup. But the book events are going to be off the chain. I'll be signing them and I'd be like happy Gilmore when he was golfing 100% people with their junk out. We can bring these two cultures together of frothing comedy podcast fans and people who work at Barnes and Noble. Magic the gathering everybody's butt crack is out. I'm squatting, taking pictures.

30:39Yeah. Doing, uh, I mean, tailgate it. Literally, yeah, come down in shotgun beers at Barnes and Noble. What are they going to do? Arrest us all. I'm a respected literary author. We have the blessing of the biggest publisher in the world, Random House, to raise hell to heaven. So yeah, like come down, let's bring a Nostank. Make a memory. Yeah, if anyone wants to be doing bloons, bloons, fly in. It's easy to get to Chicago. But yeah, it's going to be popping and locking. That's fun. It wouldn't be ideal to not have enough books. That might be a bummer. So hopefully they figure something out. Here's the thing. If we do a book event for the opening, it's big enough that they don't have enough books, it is great. Yeah. It is great for optics. Oh my god, we undervalued. Yeah. And also we can like barbecue and a Barnes and Noble in Chicago. Bring, bring venison, bring any backstrap you have. I'll bring the coals and let's do a real Chicago takeover.

31:39Because there's this element of them understanding now of like, they've always been like, well yeah, you sighted the people you sell to and we'll try and get the literary people. And it's like, now they're kind of seeing the people I sell to because they're the ones asking for me to, I just signed all the books at Schulers Books. That was the pre-order signed book partner. Schulers Books and West Bloom Field Michigan. So I drove up there. And there's so many insane requests of like, can you draw a penis in this one? They're like, say Gabe is gay. And it's these two polite bookstore women. And I'm like, this one says, can you say Keith Sucks-in-Hell? Sure, yeah, whatever you need. I think they misspelled Cooiff. Yeah, Cooiff Sucks-in-Hell. Yeah, so that was, it's just like, now there's this kind of confrontation of like, oh, we're at the actual, you know, explosion point. And the people who are giving positive reviews on good reads are also like, you know, juggler swine. Yeah.

32:40Yeah. It just went to an ICP show and did the face paint. And he said he was getting hit on, and like, people wanted pictures with him, like hot chicks. Yeah. Wanted pictures with him. He's the biggest man. Yeah, like the, yeah, he was like the visiting ogre of juggler culture. Hey, ladies, he wants to eat a donut off of my cock. Oh, Gavan. He's dick as the clown face paint on it. He needs more face paint for his dick tip. I ran out of shoe polish, lady. Sounds like he could be in coyote versus acme. And then, yeah, I liked, oh, he's the one that sent me the article I shared on Instagram, the headline about a guy who was panceless because he was masturbating while driving, gotten to a bad car rack. Pulling his one. And he's like injected from the vehicle. Damn, he said you're playing a dangerous game, my friend. You have your belt on when you rode jack, right? Seat belt. Yeah.

33:41OK, good. Yeah, always. How are you? Can choke yourself. Yeah, yeah. You lean into it a little bit. I put on in excess. He was the first one. Yeah. Where am I dad telling me about that? Yeah, we're like, yeah, you're not. I'm 12. No, I'm 16. I don't know. It was in the 90s. I remember being like, oh my god. Yeah. How could you even go right back? No, it didn't make any sense to me. Jerk and I feels pretty cool as is. Yeah, I don't really need to fucking do a tight rope walk over Hades. Yeah, like someone stomping on my bag. Oh, yeah. I've never been into the thing. Can I crush your heads? Right. No, there's a lot of ways. Like if you had HJ. No. No. We talked about my embarrassing thing. Let's talk about yours when we went to the movie theater. Yes. I think anyone could have fallen for this. Now this is bad and it's dumb. OK, we can talk about it. But I think that if they were given the optics, some other people. Now, did I fail to touch the screen at all? Yes, go ahead. So we go to, I think maybe you should take a nap.

34:41You're like, no, I'd rather watch a movie that's going to the window. Wow, the air's hard here in Winnipeg. Yeah, I was out of it, man. I was right. Right. But you didn't know. Like you said, it fucks you up sometimes to nap in the afternoon. And then at the show, you're like, what? So I understood that. So I follow your lead. I'm down to go see a resident. Evil, everybody loves it. You're looking at the seat map to buy our seats. And you're like, oh, it's packed. Jammed. Yeah, it's jammed. And I look and I see the seats that are actually taken up. And I agree with what you're saying. It's a sea of gray seats. And then in the top, and sporadically, there's a couple of blue seat pairs available. So I think, well, the great out ones are clearly taken. Why would the more vibrant? I thought it was black. What? The taken seats. The taken seats were black. OK. So I'm thinking, well, the sea of gray, but then these black seats are open.

35:42And I don't want to be wedged in between. I mean, there's only eight available seats. I mean, where are we going to fit in here? We could maybe sit together in like one pair across the aisle. We can sit together. But I'm correctly looking at it. And I agree with what I think you're saying, which is that, ideally, there's nobody in that back row. You don't want anybody really near you at all. And that you were on the fence because we could have gone and seen it today. And so I end your high. So I'm like, yeah, you don't want to be bothered. Or you want to keep getting high. What a babe in there. Yeah, no, no. And you can't, if there's enough people like nearby. No, no, that wasn't the concern. The concern was that there weren't any seats available. You're crazy. There's only seven seats available. It's two in the afternoon and Winnipeg on a Friday. This is a film city. Everyone's here to see Resident Evil. Yeah, which, yeah. And then you looked at Cody versus that. I said, we can't go in there, man. It's jammed. And you were like, yeah, it's a zoo in there, for sure.

36:43No, I was looking at, yeah, we couldn't be more than like a couple seats away from people in the back row. So I thought you were being particular. And I get that. And then you looked at Cody versus Acme. And I thought it was because you thought, if we can be in the back row and watch a movie, let's, and not have people around us crinkling and talking. Also, John Cena told Conan to see it in theaters. I do whatever people tell Conan and Brown. Yeah. But yeah, then you, when you, then you did touch the screen for Cody versus Acme. And you're like, oh, yeah. And then we realized, I looked around, see if anyone noticed how stupid I was. I did. And then I got really confused because I went back to Resident Evil and I said, oh, these are all available. And you said, yeah, they are. And I was like, oh, shit. Then we were both confused. Yeah, it was like, why didn't you point out my stupidity? And you were like, oh, I thought you were overwhelmed by the eight people in the theater. And I was like, I thought there was eight seats available.

37:43Yeah. And then we got it. You know, you think, you know, someone is good as you can. And then you're shocked and confronted. Well, we were very high. Well, yeah, was part of it. Tired too. And then, yeah, I thought that you just didn't know, like you weren't fully committed to seeing it. So it's like, take it or leave it. Who cares? Kind of the situation. So yeah, that was funny. And then I was like, yeah, let's get in there. And I'm glad we did. It was fall asleep. You fell asleep with a couple of times. Best of both worlds. You got to see a movie. You kept waking up to you going, no way. What? Craig, it's from the game. It's from the game. Yeah. I think the game, the first, like playing the PlayStation Resident Evil, maybe PS2 Resident Evil, was actually scarier than the movie. Like when I was a child in a dark room, like, oh, fuck, oh, no. What? Oh, I was like, Sam Kinniston in there. Ah. Yeah, losing it, wearing a, wearing a beret. That's fine for the whole. Yeah. Ah.

38:44Ah. Ah. She's all bloody. There's zombie babies. Ah. Ah. Well, I mean, you missed some of the scary parts. Mm-hmm. I know. I mean, I wasn't like, not entertained. I was just exhausted. Alex Luchin posted that he liked it a lot. I said, I loved it. And then he said that Craig, as that Craigger said, that he took out 75% of the jokes. And I said, well, I liked the amount of humor. And I think that more, that much more humor would have been a lot. I would not have liked it. Yeah, what do you got in the way? Yes. A lot of it is build some tension. There's some jump scares. There's some gore. And the guy's a proxy for us, so like, he can't really say too much. I don't, it was funny enough. There were. And maybe a couple more laughs would have been good, but if it really was 75% less funny, I think that was a good move. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. Cash App does more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure your money stays your money.

39:44Cash App just released a new status. And the program for the way people actually spend, called Cash App Green. Now, when you spend at least $500 a month with the Cash App card, you are in green status. Which unlocks benefits like up to $200 of free overdraft coverage, higher borrow limits, and custom personalized cashback offers every Friday at places you love to shop. Turn everyday spending into status with Cash App Green. Download Cash App today or visit cash.app to learn more about this and other financial benefits. New Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code Cash App 10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days, terms apply. Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Visit our link in bio. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank. Remember, FDIC, Cash App Visa, debit flex cards issued by Sutton Bank. Remember FDIC and the bank court bank NA, pursuant to a license from Visa, USA Inc.

40:49See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and bank court debit flex card. Cash App Green features savings direct deposits. Roundups overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cash App, a blocked ink brand. Visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Love that chicken to cash, yeah. Luchin will be at the book of an oh fuck yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's gonna be crawling. Come eat big luch. There's gonna be so many like, you know, Chubby Behemoth universe characters there. Yeah, no. Noah. No, it's Ann. No, it's Ann. No, it's Ann. Happy you'll be there. Oh, happy. Happy you'll be there. Yeah. We can sign her to chest. Yeah. She had me sign her fucking chest outside of the city. So funny. Yeah, you had either gone back inside or something, but I got to have a good time with them. Yeah, she made you happy. The aunts and uncles.

41:50Yeah, happy, skipping, grumpy grumpy was bouting. He was a little standoff. He was smoking. Yeah, that was smokey. Smokey was smokey was smokey was smoking grumpy. He wasn't smoking. That's why he was grumpy. Yeah, that was such a funny move on her party. It wasn't her actually, you know, it was like up here, but it was very funny that she opened her shirt. Yeah, holy shit. Happy. Yeah, killing it. Uh-huh. Noah's pissed. He's like, why can't I sign them? He's jealous. My mom said, you breastfeed me when she was too tired. Yeah. Uh, shout out to the Chubby Behemoth universe. Uh, don't blast Noah. All right. If you catch Noah in the wild, just let him live. All right. He's a good kid. He's figuring it out. You don't need to get his ass. Yeah, you got a diggy bully. Unimposed about the special. Uh-huh. Also, I'm not calling it soups on too soup harder. I just thought it'd be funny to have it on the promo. Yeah. I don't know what I'm going to call it yet. Maybe yeah, right. I like yeah, right? Who cares? Can't call your own special who cares.

42:51Yeah, you're right. Yeah. But I could call it yeah, right? Yeah, you're right. It's fun to say. Just want something snappy and not something that is misheard as much as soups on. Well, you know how host host are going to say he's got any special on YouTube everyone's call yeah, right? Please. People are going to think it's called yeah, right? Or yeah, yeah, or death, right? If you do, damned if you don't. Soup song. Call it untitled. Yeah. Call it Nathan Lund. Nathan Lund. What about Lund on Lund? No. No. No. It's you with like a hammer. One on Lund. One on Lund. One on Lund. One on Lund. I still think live laugh Lund is the move. But what are you going to do? Yeah. I'm going to keep him now. You gave me a great idea and Walmart to buy a bad shirt. Oh, you want me to buy the black one? Yeah, I want you to buy the classic black Wrangler long sleeve. The Desperado. Yeah, I would look like a mariachi. You would look like Tony Kukoucho on his wedding day.

43:51Yeah. Yeah. You're worried about looking ridiculous in the shirts you wear. So you can't wear just a black long sleeve that every man is ever owned. I just thought the one that I picked was better. Yeah. You were buying the middle son on Boy Meets or no on Home Improvement. I think it should have came with fucking bangs. Writer Strongwig. Oh, yeah. I told you I've seen grown men probably coming and going from hotels. You'll see a guy 58 faux hawk. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's like the sleeves are like rolled back, but I'm buttoned. And there's like glitter on the inside of them. Oh, sure. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. The crazy cuff, the bedazzled crucifix on the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, those were like the sober 53 year old realtor. You know, rock and roll. Right.

44:51Rock and roll architect. Right. Can't be a brine sets your guy anymore. So. Yeah, it was a rock and belly. Yeah, lost enough hair that he couldn't do the big. That's when he got the singer. You were wearing a singer. Is that a singer for the for Boris wedding? No. No. Yours was more Panama than Fedora. Yeah. That was a Lou Vega. Vega. Lou Vega. Yeah. That's what Clare Okim kept saying. That was white Lou Vega. Yeah. That was on Instagram and I laughed. She didn't respond. Yeah. She didn't care. Yeah. She's only keeping it open for a couple of people. She's not there on any coins in your fountain. I used to send her sketch. Sketch. No, sketch ideas for us. They were all bad. Oh, you did? No. He's sent her sketch ideas about a drawer naked. Like, what if you like.

45:53Damn, that'd be so. If you were sending her sketch ideas. I was trying to help. I sent Shane sketch ideas and never gets in there. Damn. Yeah. Mine are all like, you know, pretty esoteric. They don't fit the show. Maybe they'll fit the pack at this time. We'll see. But yeah, I'm not going to unearth that aimed case they rise. But yeah, I always have some big ideas. Your sketches are always take place in a break store or whatever. Yeah. He's like, it's called time. Yeah. I'm tired of it. I need a break. Give it. You're on autopilot. You're cruising. You need to give up creative control. I'm trying. No, Shane does. Oh, yeah. Shane, let me drive. To you. To you, man. Yeah. He might. We'll see. Did you see Brent was locked in a bathroom at LNL Hawaiian barbecue? He didn't see that. That's why you get on your phone. That's why you check in.

46:54You always think I'm insane. Oh, my God. You guys are watching a bathroom. I'm in the bathroom. I don't know. Oh, yeah. I don't know if it's the one that we used to go to in Aurora or if it was a different one. Oh, my God. What happened? How long was he locked in there? Half hour. No. Mike Eaton is in there. The video starts with Eaton's camera filming for staff members, for workers trying to like figure it out. It has a code. And so it's just them like looking at each other. And then it goes to Brent's phone in the bathroom. And he's like, I can't get out of the bathroom. The dead bolts obviously open. It's unlocked, but the keypad is fucking up and not releasing him. What a gruesome tooth. Maybe involved in it. Hopefully Mike wasn't in the bathroom before Brent.

47:55No, the bathroom would have been closed. If they're at Alan Allen, Mike goes in first. They're taking a look. They lose their A grade. Yeah. It's an automatic C. To an X though. Yeah, he was in there. Eaton said in the comments. It was 30 minutes. That would be tough. I wouldn't even check on you if you were gone for 30. Right. I would have been business as usual. Yeah, he must not have gone this morning. He must have got some extra lives on Candy Crush. Yeah, but ow. Ow, and it just made me think about wait, can we hold on? Yeah. What? So there's workers like observing Eaton being like, can you get him out of there? No, Eaton's just filming. Oh. He's like sitting down. Yeah. Brent probably texted Mike. I can't get out of the bathroom. I'm not going to be here. He's been here and then he tells the staff. Yeah. Yeah, there's the staff just kind of looking at each other. And then I don't know what they did to figure it out. They probably called the company and there's a reset or something, troubleshooting.

48:55Oh, my God. 30 minutes. And it made me think of, I got trapped in the elevator at hilarities because it was like, they turned it on and off or something. It was off. I didn't know. And it's crazy that it lets you go in and then it shuts and then it doesn't do anything else. It's like just don't open. It's bangle or something. Why would you even open if you don't work at all? So I'm in there. I'm like, oh, shit. I'm stuck. Right. The show is starting in like seven minutes. I'm like, fuck. So I like knock a little bit and nobody can hear me. And then I called somebody and they're like, what? You're in the elevator. What the fuck? All right. They were so pissed. And I was like, sorry, fuck. It's not like I'm a regular guest and I should know better. I've been here several times. I know that it is a way to get downstairs most of the time. So I didn't think I was the dumbest guy for trying to use it. Did you hear that Brent got locked in the bathroom?

49:57I'm losing it already and then an L and L and Y and barbecue. And even's there. Is there up to no good? They're cheating on Santa, dude. He even got to have his lunch and Brent. Oh, yeah, I needed to. God. And then the Hawaiian people finally open up the bathroom and they're like, someone abandoned an adult baby in here. There's someone left there, an infant in here. Brent's all wet because he's scared. He had to trick off twice. Fuck, oh man. I wonder if he tried to race the clock. He's like, how you eating? Haven't get me out of here. Go. He's found it. Yeah, I found it. Yeah, it's like speed for him. Shit, yeah, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've ever made fun of you for going on your phone because. Just in case he didn't know. Carrot top was in the hospital. He was up for Carrot top. I haven't heard any of the news. Yeah. We're Danny Moppens, dad. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, I got to take down the church marquee so I can promote soups on two.

50:58Yeah. I want to get that on there when I get home. Just to take a picture and share it. But yeah, Danny's still being lauded, loud. He got that duster in Trinidad. I know. Chrissy has a famous duster. Oh, Chrissy's going to be buried in it. I'm so glad that he should fly down to Louisville for the service and lay it on the cask. That would have been on. Throw it in the hole, the rose. Then Chrissy's wearing it. He wears it there. He's like full undertaker sunglasses, big hat. And then at the service, when everyone's saying goodbye, the women are throwing themselves on it. No, Danny, no. How much that huge ass? Chrissy just goes and stands over there, takes off the duster, throws it on, but underneath there's another duster. He also has leather gloves on. Yeah. He's a total, doesn't say a word to anyone. And then just gets into the car that's been waiting for him the whole time. Or better yet, land in a helicopter. Land in a helicopter step off. He's blowing over all the arrangements. And then he walks up, dusts.

52:01There's so many other families grieving. And all of the toys, gifts, flowers, are just all the flower displays. Yeah, just destroyed. Even the people who weren't there just put flowers. All the flowers on the graves are just a cyclone. It's also Chrissy. And Chrissy also has to wear a helmet cam so I could observe it all. It's you can tell him what to do. Yeah, yeah. Wave over there. Give that lady a doomsday. Oh, yeah. This one's a little closer to your heart. Yeah. Yeah, I don't have any money. But I do have a butt. And you can do like me and clean your butt with a Tushie Bade. Treat your butt like the top of the toilet seat. Tushie, it is hosed out. Tushie is the luxury of a day built to improve your butt health. My doctor is saying my butt doesn't have much time. Yeah. Tushie's butt has anywhere from five minutes to 10. Tushie installs super easily. I'm like, I'll express in 2012.

53:01Tushie installs super easily in 10 minutes and gets you clean in seconds. Tushie users cut their toilet paper usage by up to 80%. And that's important because toilet paper is not going to be around forever. Toilet paper is a luxury and not a right. Remember that. Soon, this will be toilet paper. The great works of modern fiction. But yeah, we love Tushie. They've been with us for a long time. Get Tushie no pushy. Make squishy. It's nice to be able to give your butt a little bit of a shower before you wipe. It's a double team. It's like brushing your teeth before you make out with someone. It's like brushing your teeth and flossing. You've got to kind of got to do both or else you're gross. Want to pamper your behind even more, upgrade to the Tushie Ebide. That's right. Your avatar can. Whoa. Your meta character can have a clean ass. You can finally clean Pikachu's butthole. No, the Ebide has a heated seat, adjustable water temperature,

54:03and a dryer. Come with it now. You'll never want to leave the bathroom again. Like Brent Gill. Yeah, Mike was jealous. He's like, whenever I've been there for a half hour, you call the cops. We get in there. Yeah. Every Tushie Badee comes with it. Stop eating in there. 30-day hassle-free returns and a 12-month warranty. So there's no risk. And you need that warranty if you're anything like us. Don't half-ass your clean. For a limited time, Chubby Behemoth fans get 10% off their first Badee order with Code Chubby at checkout. That's 10% off your first Badee order at hellotushie.com with promo code Chubby. It's a great product. We both use it. Damn. I am glad that somebody. I thought about the duster. I knew that he had either given it to somebody or left it somewhere, but somebody else got it. But I didn't know where it ended up. So many people hit me up because I wrote that thing. And they were like, I had the first time I met Danny. I got told this by four different people. The first time I met Danny was an insert comedy festival. And I met him and you were with him.

55:04And then you left because you were following around like a puppy as he would do vids for different people. And I turned to ex-respected comedian. And I said, who's that guy with Sam? And they said, let's Danny Mopin. And they said, well, Sam seems just to be obsessed with him. Four people hit me up and they said, I wanted to know Danny because you were literally like handing him straws. So he could do like whatever dumb bit he was doing. Like I was just there being like doing it. Like do it. Yeah, whatever. Like do it. Like do it. Yeah, he always liked to have a bit, a running joke that he could do all weekend. He needed his woozy winks. And that was me. Somebody hit somebody with it. And then yeah, people want to see. I said him up at the 10,000 laughs festival for the penis shortening surgery thing, maybe 50 times. I'd be like, people would walk up and I'd be like, I'm so sorry to hear that, Danny. But I'll be at the hospital afterward. And then I'd be like, you know, we'd time it just right. It was a delicate dance. And then someone would be like, oh, what's up guys? I don't want to interrupt.

56:05And Danny'd be like, now I just found out I'm getting this surgery. And they'd be like, oh, what's surgery? I got to get my penis shortened. It's too big, too damn big. It's in the way. Can't go on an elevator in shorts. Or can't go on an escalator in shorts. So then we'd walk away to the experts. I'm at Weinberg. Danny's going to the hospital. I'm just blowing it. Yeah. Well, sometimes it's delicate. Sometimes it's a little more brutal. And depending on the audience, whether they're going to get it or not, I told you and Chris and Bobby after we found out he had done it, Danny was gone. Laila Breakfast had the last game always was whatever they call it where the comedian is crushing the whole time. The audience has to react as if every joke, everything that the comic says is like their Chris Rock. Yeah, the funniest thing you've ever heard. It's a fun, people are hooding. You see fun way to end the show.

57:07Yeah, ends on a high note. And I got to see a comic that is not great. Get that spot. Who was it? Oh, I don't want to say. I know. I know. I told you. But something's aren't for everyone. I'm a good guy. But it was funny to watch a comic that has never really crushed probably never get that treatment with their mid jokes. So that brought a smile to my face. That was also, well, I don't want to say where it was. What? Yeah. You some more breadcrumbs. Whoops. No, no, that's enough. But first time I met Danny, I walked in. I rode the bus to Chicago from somewhere far away. And I was going in for, remember when Chicago had that comedy festival? Comedy Expo. Zach Peterson was involved. Do it. Yeah, I remember. Kevin Casey White. Remember that. So I went in for it. And I get off the bus. I was like, broo-spring steam, dude. I was just fucking walked from the loop all the way up to the hideout, had my little bag.

58:10Fucking, what was that bag's name, dude? Remember my bag, my little green bag? Yeah, but I don't remember the name. Now he is dead if I forgot his name. Oh, shit. I could text Sophie or Emily and they'd remember. Rollin'. Rollin'. Rollin'. So I'd rollin'. And I walk in there, you know, like, I'm a comic. I walk in. They're all goofing around. Danny's in a green man suit. I'm like, what the fuck is this? There's like a big board with balloons up there. And I like the, the festival runner comes over and is like, hey, so you can go up and like, either pop a balloon or you can just do time. And I'm like, well, pop in a fucking balloon. I go up there and I like, go up there and do my action. Everyone hates it. Because then I get off stage and I see everyone having the most fun ever. And I'm like, fuck. I was such a hard-o for like, pure stand-up, then. But then that day, that was you. I know. Isn't that crazy? Just joke. Just write a joke. Do a joke. You have to dance around. Take your ass and sing Kokomo. And then literally, he became my favorite guy. But yeah, we walked across all of Chicago that night to go get an eighth of weed.

59:14I was staying somewhere. I can't remember who I was staying with. But I met Danny and Liz. And then I was like, I'm going to try and find some weed. And Danny was like, I know a guy. And then we walked for like an hour and a half to get weed from somewhere. And then we walked back and just, pushing each other into the bushes, sack tap, and having them like, I was like, I love this guy. Smoke and weed the whole way back. Yeah. They'd be like a cop car we'd drive by. And Danny would like, puff it even tougher. I'd like to see him take me alive. I'm like, this guy's insane. It was so cool. Now he was, and it was crazy how many people knew him because of the festival. Yeah. Or festivals because lately, breakfast was perfect for first show of the day. Like noon on Saturday. Everybody would go and have a blow into town. I got to do it in Orlando and Omaha. Yeah. Maybe another well-trenned and ended up being like a golden ticket holder on late day breakfast because I loved it so much. And whenever I was in town, I could show up and do whatever I wanted. So I definitely reverted.

1:00:14I was not a hordeau to death. Danny was. Yeah, that was. He was hard when he died. He didn't get the surgery. They found him prop. No, that's what the GoFundMe was for. He was also always trying to crack people up and have a good time. Eat some hot dogs, drink some beers. I saw him be really mean to a woman that he was in love with one time. And it was like the funniest thing I'd seen a man say to a woman. They're arguing. And he said, oh, hell. You dizzy bitch. You could spin it around two day much. And like being Emily, we're like, yeah, yeah, that has endured. Oh, my God. That's going to live on. I mean, we'll never be forgotten because of you dizzy bitch. Yeah, pretty, we're like you said, yeah, tough in the moment, real frustration or whatever. Oh, I mean, I wanted to kill him various times. I wanted, there were in New Orleans, we were together for a week in July when I got the mountain rules and he got the fog hat rocks.

1:01:16Where was I? Right here. Where was it? Where were you? New Orleans. Yeah. And we were together. We were down there. I had a week off. We just went to New Orleans for a week. He'd wake up fucking fifth of God damn, you know, four roses, loved four roses, best bourbon for my money, even better for yours. Awesome. I mean, I love the guy. We'd wake up, start drinking and we'd be out and I'd be like by like four o'clock, he'd be like, you know, doing pranks for hobos and like jumping into river for money and be like, dude, I can't deal with this for 10 more minutes, more or less seven more hours. But I did because he was so fucking funny. You couldn't stay mad at the guy. No. It was impossible. You'd have to be like, hey, I can't see you tomorrow because like I need to be mad at you and I know that if I'm around you, like it's not going to be possible for me. So like, I need to put you in the corner for a minute, but you got damn some of the most fun I ever had. My tattoos fucked up because he made the guy laugh so much.

1:02:16Yeah, that's which is fucked up. It was also shut up. Oh, yeah, he shut up. Put the guy in. Yeah. Goof and while you were getting fog hat rocks, that tattoo guy was telling us about how him and his girlfriend like to go into the quarter and like meet Marines during like shore week. And then they take him back to their house and like, you know, have sex with the Marine. Who isn't gay and just wants to come back and fuck the guy's wife. But by the end of it, he's fucking the guy. Whoa. Yeah. And then he's like, oh, hell, you know, like, what do you fucking say? How far do you live? Yeah. Is it how's the parking? When does she get up for it? Yeah. Officer in a gentleman. Yeah. So he's just killing and the guy's like, oh, hilltop rules. Is that what it says? Damn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I told Noah and I talked about Danny and he was like, it's really fucking me up because like I haven't lost a lot of people. And like I didn't know Danny well, but like, and I'm sure that you, you know, I'm complaining to you and you've probably lost.

1:03:17And I was like, no, Danny's probably my closest friend that I have had. Oh, is that true? That's the way. I mean, yeah, I think so. I'm lucky. I'm very lucky. I don't come from Elizabeth where you've lost more people than most Jewish family. Well, but Elizabeth is like Gaza and Auschwitz combined. It's just insane how many young people died. There were guys that I went to high school with that died and I was not super close with any of them. The guys I hung out with Ricky, RJ, Conrad, Landon are all alive. Nobody that I've dated has passed away, unfortunately, but to die while we were together, you know, at their own hand. That was theirs. It was underneath me. But yeah, you guys had sex after you did that push up contest. Right. Yeah, after the hot dog eating contest, slash push up contest.

1:04:20So yeah, I would say, because you know, I loved Kenny DeForest, but we had hung out seven times. Danny and I were closer and it hit hard because he was such a fun guy. And I was hoping that whatever he was dealing with, you know, he'd be able to figure it out, bounce back. And it sucks that he was, you know, 44. And all are his con. Hopefully I see 45. Andy Williams, 44, 48. He was a little older, yeah, but I went tragic because everybody loved him. Everybody had so many stories between Danny and Andy Williams. So many people just how funny was silly, nice. When Danny passed, I was with Becker. I can't remember. I said this to Becker, Emily, because I got called the night before the news broke and got heads up from your agent. Mike, yeah, for sure, CAA, lit a candle. Why would you know? Just you saying to your agent, how would you even have this information?

1:05:20That's what we do. So we do. So wherever. Yeah, yeah. CIA. But yeah, so I like told Becker and he was bummed out and then I think I called Emily, or I called David Bory too. But I was between Becker and Emily, one of them was trying to be like, I'm so sorry, man, I knew you were close. And I was like, yeah, you know, people die. That's what they do. And I think it was Emily and she was like, oh, oh, or not. I can't remember. One of them was both very nice. I was like, people die. That's what they do. And they were one of them was like, oh, man, how you feel? I didn't like cry. I cried the next day, finally, when I think it was Beasley shared the photo of when Danny was on my shoulders at the Trinidad Festival and we had the duster. And it was wrapped around like we were trying to sneak into a movie and that made me cry. But only because at that moment I realized, fuck, I'll never have that much fun again with a guy like that. All that guy did was like try and make sure that we had a blast to his detriment of his

1:06:23own health, his own sobriety, his own sanity. Like he didn't die by his own hand. I'm not painting that picture, but you know, I definitely got the real Danny, you know, the Danny who was like very aware of like, you know, just how all he brought was joy. And like, could I just get a little bit of that fucking joy back, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So, God, yeah, that's when I cried. And I was like, fuck, no one's ever going to sit on my shoulders again and like do a bit with a duster, found it a good will. Like he's such a singular one of one and I'll miss the shit out of him. And anytime I call him, he dizzy. I'll thank you, Danny. Yeah, man, lots, tons of great memories. And yeah, he won't be forgotten. I think that's all most of us can ask for is to be like well remembered. Yeah. Fun, joy, listening, like it's low bar, but some people don't figure that shit out or push people away or want to. Didn't need much needed, you know, a little weed, maybe some cigarettes, a little bit of

1:07:27hooch, some music, we could have, you know, we live like kings. We didn't know how good we had. No way, we good at it. I mean, there was that, my favorite, the funniest thing, Danny said, and I'm sure I brought it up on the pod, but it was Alex Price before Alex Price got funny. He was running Let's Comedy in Indiana. It was like 12, 14 years ago. I don't remember. Me, Losso, Mopin, I think Jason Melton, do a run of shows with Price. They don't go well. No one comes. We're all kind of eating it. So the last night we sleep at Price's house in like Indiana or Fort Wayne, Indianapolis, Fort Wayne, I can't remember, but it was really cold in there. And me and Danny had to like huddle up upstairs under blankets. It was so fucking cold. And like we couldn't sleep and Price was in his room. And we wake up early because it's like 6 a.m. We have to go find Dave Losso. He was hooking up with someone. And we come down in Price's, it would price is like six foot ten, 400 pounds. It's a gigantic man. And he was before he got funny. He's since got funny. I didn't like him initially because I thought he carried himself a little lofty for a guy who

1:08:30couldn't do the job yet. Whatever. Now, I love the guy. But back then he wasn't that funny. And... Well, I had to just underline him. He wasn't funny for three shows. And we'd all been doing a tough time. Was he going up first or? I think so, yeah. So, and he was nice and he booked the shows. So anyway, we're like leaving and Alex Price stops us in the hall. And he's like, oh, thanks for coming guys. Yeah, everything okay. And we're like, yeah, it was great man, we're leaving. He was freezing. And he's like, before you go, I know the shows weren't that great. And I took some lumps, but I'm funny, right? I'm not wasting my time. This is worth it. I shouldn't stop. And he's a towering behemoth in a very vulnerable mode. And before I can say anything, Danny Moppin says, I better go fire up the truck. Left me alone, pick and soul this wounded giant. And then I finally get outside after holding him and crying him. It's like fucking Bob and Fight Club.

1:09:33I'm in there. And I walk out and Danny's just smoking. How'd that go? He didn't fire up the truck. He did, he fired up the truck. And it was his dad's truck. So it was like an F-800. It was like the biggest truck. It was like a duly I'd ever been in. Yeah, how'd that go? Yeah. The man. Yeah. Love you. Yeah, I love you, Danny. I hope you're laughing, buddy. He's got a congal line with Hitler and Gandhi. Yeah. He's trying to choke him up with Andy Nicole Smith. Because everybody's in heaven. There's no one out there. Yeah. Hitler's up there, party. There's no dogs. Because if a dog's in man heaven, that's dog hell. We gotta remember that, folks. I'm about to enter. Dog hell. When I get back from this run. No. I don't.