Jack Benny - Flash Benny

0:00Ever found yourself lost in translation during your travels? I remember wandering through the back streets of Venice, unable to ask for directions in Italian. It was both humbling and a bit isolating. That's why I'm excited to talk about Babel, the number one selling language learning app. Babel teaches you phrases you'd actually say, not just textbook grammar. In just 10 minutes a day, you can start having real conversations in a new language in three weeks. It's designed by over 200 language experts and fits into any schedule, perfect for learning on a coffee break or during your commute. If you've been thinking about reconnecting with your roots or exploring new cultures, Babel makes it easy and accessible. And here's something special. Get up to 60% off your subscription at babble.com slash pod. That's b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash pod. Dive into a new language and expand your world. Oh! Oh! The Jell-O program starring Jack Sunny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, County Baker, and yours truly, Don Will.

1:01The orchestra opens the program with this cast-be-love. The other night's in friends of mine were arguing as to whether first impressions or last impressions are more important. When I say last impressions, at least when it comes to me the time, when I think it's the dessert you're most likely to remember, if that dessert is Jell-O, they leave me the memories of my de-pleasant ones. But Jell-O was so temptingly good to look at and so deliciously to do eat. Those six glowing colors are cheerful and gay, and those six delicious flavors are filled with extra rich fruit goodness. So I'm very ready to live in and lie. And this is inspiring and surreal with everybody and Jell-O. That's why it's an American favorite Jell-O's in sort of a big ring of a spell-free.

2:22That was the campy love played by the orchestra. And now ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who after lying flat on his back for three days with a bad cold. Throw off the covers and thunder. What's wrong? It was my words exactly. So now we bring you that heroic personality, that rugged, that's beyond. That's Randall Cooper Jack Belly. Thank you. Jell-O, yeah, and this is Jack Belly, that red nose blue G with a sniffed sniff. And, don, just as you say, I deserve a lot of credit for coming down here tonight. So no matter how an actor feels, his first duty as to his character, I'm my best father of his. Why don't I've always been like that? I remember one time when I was playing Vortibolins, the Oral Illinois.

3:26And even though I had hate fever and I was following the Golden Rod trio, I went out and hit that show just to say. Well, that was a real test, sir. But now I'm getting down. For the last three days I've been a pretty sick boy. I hadn't been to my physician, Dr. Jerome Schmin. I doubt that I'd be here today. Dr. Schmin, what Jack I know of him, but he's not a physician, he's a seropidist. A seropidist? Yes. Oh, well, that explains it. Well, a minute he came into my room, he said, open your mouth, stay aw, and take off your shoes. Now I understand. Well, I was exactly the type of character cold. Well, down my cold isn't completely cured, but my wonderful. Anyway, I should have known he was a putt doctor. When he went to take my pulse, he had his watch in one hand and my ankle and the other. Well, I guess we all made mistakes. Hello, hero, how's the brave little soul just tonight?

4:28Well, I wouldn't joke about it, Phil. My illness was much more serious than you think. It was, huh? Yes. My doctor told me that if my cold was one germ worth, I'd have found out if angels have dirty faces. You mean you found out if the devil was a scissor? Yes, and Phil, if you were as sick as I was, you wouldn't be clony about it tonight, believe me. Well, I know you were sick, I came to visit you, didn't I? I'm sure you did. You know, I had a cold, so you figured I'd have a bottle of whiskey. That's why. Yeah, and that was some stuff you had to do. Wow. Yeah, what does it matter with? I took one drink and my inlays that the lamb was washed. Well, it serves you right. An incident, Phil, I want to thank you very much for the lovely gift you sent me. That was sweet. Yeah, wasn't it? What was it, Jack? Well, half of the cell fill I was sick as a dog and he sent me a can of penneural ratio. Penneural ratio?

5:28Yeah, I didn't mind that so much, but Rochester made me anomalous out of it. Hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack, as you told me that is? Not much, Kenny. But as weak as I was today, I jumped out of bed, grabbed a taxi cab and rushed down here to the studio. Now, why did I do it? I didn't know, was it because you were a ham? No, and don't be so fresh. And another thing, Kenny, at least, was going to come to see me while I was sick. Yeah, you should have gone there just for last. What last, now Phil? When I went up to see Jackie was wearing a nice gown. A nice gown? Well, certainly I was wearing a nice gown. It creeped up around my neck where my cold is and teased me warm. There's nothing wrong with that. You should have seen him, Phil, as he looked like old mother of her. One more crack out of you and I hold her to the cup, you're off to them. I was talking to Kenny, so you keep out of it. I bet you were all right in your night gown.

6:30Yeah, Kenny, if you'll come out of your hysterics for a minute, I'd like to ask you, who won that Thanksgiving turkey you were selling tickets on last week. Oh, that? Yeah. Oh, I'll tell you by the name of Baker. Kenneth L Baker. Oh, I see, just a rack at the, it's only a ticket and give me out of 50 cents. You know what that means? Yes, Barnum was right. Tomorrow when you get your check, think of Barnum. You know, Kenny, I'm really surprised you have all people. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack, how do you feel? Mary, you can't possibly realize what an effort it was for me to come to work today. I was in a very critical condition. Well, it's your own fault, Jack. Here you were sick and dead for three days and you wouldn't even hire a nurse. Now, wait a minute, Mary, I had a nurse and you know it. Fine, nurse. All you did was pay the red cross and Rochester's coast. Well, Mary, I would have had a regular nurse, but I just couldn't find the right one.

7:31Well, I quite could have. It was wrong, Mary. Jack wanted a Cuban girl so he could get three rumblesons. Oh, Mary, don't try to get laughs out of my illness. You hardly slept a wink all week. Well, how could you with all those silver dollars in your mattress? No, no. And you can all kid about my sickness, but it was lucky for me that Rochester knows something about it. Yes, there's no one's something about medicine. It was the only one who thought of putting a mustard plaster on my chest. Is it still there? Yeah. They've taken these things your chest before you put the plaster on? No, he didn't, why? Oh, brother, I hope I'm there for the unveiling. Say, that's right, don't end the lockdown, Rochester. Now, how am I going to get this mustard plaster off? Well, I'll help you, Jack. Can I only take a minute? No, no, not now. Well, I've done this a lot of times. No, I'm on your shirt. Well, well, okay. My heart will be jacked. Oh, go ahead, John. I can take it. You're dealing with a he-man. He-man?

8:31Hey, Mary, you want to hear something? Yes. When I went over to see Jack, he was wearing a knife down. I know. He bought it to me. Now, Mary, you promise you wouldn't say a word about it. No kidding, Mary, was that really your knife down? Now, listen. No, I didn't see the letters, Anne-Marie London. Mary Livingston. Well, I'll be darn Jack told me that stood for man's lingerie. Oh, he's quiet after all. Go ahead, John. Okay. I'll steady, Jack. Yeah. steady. Oh, geez. Take it easy, John. Jesus, this is more fun than losing parts. Wait a minute, John. Better not be unlucky with it. Hey, Jack, let's meet, try it. I can do it so you won't even see. Oh, no, you don't feel it. Come on, Jack. Now, it's not going to hurt a bit. Now, come here. All right, Phil. But if I feel one... Oh, no, no, no. Now, there you are. It didn't hurt a bit. It's the heart of why you idiot. You might have killed me. You better think that he's gone ahead. Okay. Oh, look at me. There isn't a hair on my set. It's the tattooed lady it's on, too. It is. But if you hear us all, I have to be re-secorated. Oh!

9:31Baker. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to tell you that you're not going to be able to see the tattooed lady. I'm going to tell you that you're not going to see the tattooed lady. I'm going to tell you that you're not going to see the tattooed lady. Baker. And now, ladies and gentlemen, who... I just feel hurt. Don't you feel... And now, ladies and gentlemen, before I introduce our play, I would like to announce that next Sunday night, we are going to do our broadcast from Radio City, New York. And the whole gang of us are going to be there. Aren't we, fellas? I knew. Oh, I'll be there. He's going to be nice to see New York again. Jack, if you've got such a bad call, what are you going to New York for? I understand for having 45 slow-starts back there. Makes no difference. Now, I've got to be there next week. But what's all the rush about? What's so important? There's a fail at making. That's not the only reason I'm going. I've gotten a appointment with a boy.

10:34With a big New York producer. You know, fellas, you know, the Shakespearean New York. No, really, and this producer, he wants me to appear in Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet. Yes, you couldn't be a flower pot on the bouchim. Well, Phil, what do you do on Broadway? And I'm quite positive I'm going to be Romeo. It's my night time. You could be Juliet. All right. We'll wait a little bit. We'll see. And now, boy, New York, I haven't been there in two years. Two years, Billings Frank has popped. And I'll hold. I don't know anything about pops, but I do know that men, women, and children are crazy about attempting economical and easy to make. So look for the big red letters on the box. Down that's positively amazing. When you started out, I didn't even suspect that you were going to talk to Yellow. You did? Well, no. And our folks, we must go on with our play this being the climax of the football season.

11:35Tonight we will bring you our annual gram of the gridiron and title the whole length part. Now, once again, once again, I will play the part of Flash Benny, the famous football coach. Benny Baker will be right in, Bill Harris left in, and Don Wilson will be the backfield. I'll hold on, Jack. Hold on, Jack. When the whistle blows, the backfield has to spread out. Well, you've been doing all right up to now. Now, let me see. And it says, yes. Am I going to be in the football play? Yes, Mary. You're going to be a beautiful co-ed washing the game way up in the grandstand. Oh, no. I want to be down on the field where the dialogue is. Well, I don't know, Mary. We let you in the game last year, and every time the players went in a huddle, they came out with lipstick on. Now, you can't play.

12:35Oh, yeah. But they got a fat chance of winning the game without Bunch Livingston. No, all right, Bunch. But if you're going to play, take off that silly hat. Let the cheering section give you the Bronx salute. You ought to see this one, Bunch. This one, Bunch. It looks like a plate of boards. You've even got two potatoes. And now, Bunch, why do we all get into our uniforms? The Phil Harris and his uneducated collegiate will play... Wait a minute, I'll tell you. Hello? Oh, Mr. Williams, is he your nurse, Dawkins? Oh, hello, Rochester, what do you want? Well, who wants or thought I'd call him, see how you're feeling? Well, I very thought, Rochester. I'm feeling fine. You are. What are you, my, my, and a ball, not a sealant of ball, not a...

13:36Ever found yourself lost in translation during your travels? I remember wandering through the back streets of Venice, unable to ask for directions in Italian. It was both humbling and a bit isolating. That's why I'm excited to talk about Babel, the number one selling language learning app. Babel teaches you phrases you'd actually say, not just textbook grammar. In just 10 minutes a day, you can start having real conversations in a new language in three weeks. It's designed by over 200 language experts and fits into any schedule, perfect for learning on a coffee break or during your commute. If you've been thinking about reconnecting with your roots or exploring new cultures, Babel makes it easy and accessible. And here's something special. Get up to 60% off your subscription at Babel.com slash pod. That's b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash pod. Dive into a new language and expand your world. Why were you surprised when I told you I? Well, well, why? You know that cold men have nothing giving you all week? Yes, what about it? You ain't never gonna have that in your stomach.

14:38You're going to have as watchtisters, you give me that hair tonic, I told you a thousand times to read the label. I told you a thousand times I can't read. Well, you should get dressed. That ain't going to be me. Well, never mind that. I'll see you tonight. So long. So long, bro. Hey, wait a minute. You don't have much to say this morning. Why, I don't know. Why didn't you shave my chest first? Sure you did. Yes. Look, boss. I don't want to be in a puddle or a show for an amuse. But when I get a reason, my hand is for defensive brothers and owners. All right. I'll take this up with you tonight. Goodbye. A wheel in the broth. Am I going to New York with you? Yes, Rochester, you're going.

15:39Oh, there's three homes. You're going to turn your thoughts on me. Oh, I quote that in five. Goodbye. How do you like that, so isn't that all? I've been drinking hair tonic all week. Well, I won't hurt you. Look at my guitar player. He's the picture of hell. Yes, but you ever take that shoe off from under him? Watch out. Well, I haven't placed it. What we've got along with yesterday.

18:03That was girlfriend of the whirling service played by a boyfriend of anyone who's got a girlfriend. And now, Bob, football player, hold that line. The scene is black foot college. Located in the fighting town of the Balkan side, Indiana. The first half is just ended in the annual game with meatball tech. The coach is giving a theme of pet's walk in the locker room. Curtain. You think? Now listen, men. In this last half, we've got to get in there and fight. Don't be discouraged. Why did you not have a theme or a bunch of spineless, jellyfish? Why are you yellow? Yeah, but we're back and both. Oh, that's not just technical. Now, as a man, when they were going to game for meatball tech, but today it's a success.

19:04What do you mean a success? The score is 65 to nothing to matter, but... Well, we're still young, aren't we? I would win this game if you guys put a little pep into it. Especially you, Harris. In the second quarter, you had a marvelous chance for a touchdown. And you got right in the middle of the plate at home, your hair. What is the idea? Well, I want to look good in the nose, really. Oh, you do, eh? And incidentally, I hate to walk. The next time you get the ball run with it, don't fuck on down. Well, I got rid of them. Never mind. And you, Wilson, I'm sorry about that one-fumble coach. One-fumble. I thought you were playing drop-to-handsome. And you, Bush. But as a coach, you're a great help to him. And the last player were penalized to seeing Yard's holding. Well, he was handsome.

20:04And so, man, I wouldn't care if he was charged, Dave. We're playing football. See, with close-downs doing the best I can. I'll say, we haven't played a team this fall. Like, you haven't given your full number to. Well, it's a long weather. Find bunch of athletes. Hey, coach. But you all better. You remember when I was running past the 40 yards, Ryan? I cut the ball. Now, I picked it up and got it again. And now, I picked it up. Yeah, it's a good start to the game. Well, what a power. What's that aggravating? Thirdly, what? I'm a good-looking beggar. What's the idea of playing football in a failure suit? I thought it was my brain. Why not take any chances if I can have it? I'm going in with Dave myself. OK, man. I'll get off in a few and give him out. Wait a minute. Come in. Tell him I have a chance, Danny. Say it good. OK. Maybe he's going to know for the playing of the day.

21:05Oh, yes. That's why I said New York. It's from the Ask Me With Challenge 14th Street. 14th Street? 14th Street. What does it say? It says, I can offer you extra accommodations during your stand New York. Wait six dollars a week. Back on every floor. Just follow the arrow. Just follow the arrow. Just a well. I can give you a lovely room overlooking a tom pass. A tom pass. A bug race includes a continental breath that's consisting of a New England oil dinner. Oh, I see. Side and assist. Side and assist. That sounds effective. Six dollars a week. A bomb and a 32-part from everything. It's called what about the football game? That's why it's not a number of numbers. Let me know if I can see it with white. What was this thing? Oh, my name is White.

22:09Here we are. Most of the stores 65% of the number such a half is about to begin. Meepo is over the other zero and here comes White. Danny and his West foot see. White foot is going to take off to meet Paul and the crowd with some sins and meagles. Now they have feet here. Shut up. And there's the whistle. They're lining up. White spending is about to take off on your toes, man. He's running for the ball. And there's the kick. Now that I forgot the ball went off. Give me a round of balls, Ellen. Here's the watermelon. I don't want that. We haven't used the watermelon. That was as we played Alabama. Hey, what's with me? That ball you've got. Oh no, it's mine. And I want a kick. All right, you think maybe I'll just suck your toe. You think you're holding balls with a kick. Okay. That's a go-go. A new ball was being made. I'm going to throw it in the back. I'm going to throw it in the back.

23:09I'm going to throw it in the back. I'm going to throw it in the back. I'm going to throw it in the back. I'm going to throw it in the back. I'm going to throw it in the back. And here comes the kick. Whoa! What a kick. See that ball badly big? Let's see it. Any sound down here? Nope. You're're almost eks right there. Hey, I'm going to throw this ball back out up to here. I'm going to throw it in the back. Hey, hey! Go. What's this? It's a bottle and a toilet paper comes tomorrow! Where are you going, Phil? All right, fellas, we got the ball. I hear our chance to pay off the mortgage and get our dean back from the finance couple. That is my man! That's a fine spirit. Now listen, Wilson. When the ball is left to me, I'll throw it to Harris. You pass it to you, and if seven going through centers, you run around your own end.

24:14What do you have in there? You better take action, it'll be a long trip! Never mind that. We'll find a place for a touchdown. I get in there, Harris, you give those things, though. I'm sorry, coach John Ferdinand. We got the thing, though. Who did I? Hmm, fine thing. What do we do now? The thing is, I'm dead. And all that we'll do, I know. I'll hold the thing with myself. Come on, man. This is our one big chance. They come out of the hospital, they're lining up now. Right, then he has a corner. Right, man. They go. One for the money, two for the show. I'll think of all the way we go. See his role. The persons at the Wilson Wilson Walson and Benny recover the big goals, Benny's out. What up, Mr. Speed? Look at him. Wow! Oh, my chest. Wow, Jim and Boyron, look at him go. 20 yards, 30 yards, 40 yards.

25:18Here's the goal, Steven. The swimming pool is the best. One for the other for the other. One for the other for the other. One for the other for the head. And here comes Benny on the outside. And he's out. And he's out. And he's out. He's out. He's out. And he's out. And he's out. And he's out. And he's out. Now he's out. Oh, over. That's a win over. And here's the boy. And he's out. And he's out. Congratulations. What a game for what a full band! Right away, sick man! You'll be better, right, sir!

26:26If you want your husband to take you to the movies after dinner the long night, here's the decisive guarantee to put him in the form. The last number of the ninth program in the New Jolosh series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time, broadcasting from Radio City, New York. Thank you, Jackie, better buy some gold. Jackie, you better buy some gold. You know it's telling me to go out. Well, I won't need them. I'll have Rochester carry me piggyback tonight.