Jack Benny - Dennis Mother Interferes with the Show

0:00J.D. Southam! Oh! The Jell-O program, starring Jack Denny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly Donald Wilk. The orchestra opens a program with Davey Me. If you have a family of football fans, you know what an afternoon of the game can do to their appetite. Send them zooming up higher than a kite. They'll be prepared with a good hearty meal, and for dessert that all star favorite, Jell-O. You always win with Jell-O. You make a touchdown every time. It's all good to look at, gears in the college colors, cheerful and bright and appetite. And if you're not a good player, you're not a good player. You're not a good player. You'll be picked up. Does it look good to look at, gears in the college colors, cheerful and bright and appetite. And if so good to eat, Jell-O's rich, zestful fruit flavors make a relocation out of every meal.

1:06Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime, all six are chuckful of extra rich flavor. The taste is tempting as the right fruit itself. There are dozens and dozens of different ways to serve Jell-O, and you'll find attractive recipes on every package. So look for those big red letters on the box. Palofero Yellow That was baby me played by the orchestra. Now folks, as you all know, 447 years ago last Thursday, Christopher Columbus discovered America. That's right, Dan. To finance this expedition, he borrowed a huge sum of money from Queen Isabella's

2:08fame. So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man Columbus would have had trouble with Jack Benny. Thank you. I give you a log in with the Jack Benny talking and Don, although I appreciate your timely introduction, aren't you assuming too much? Well, what do you mean? Well, how do you know Columbus would have had trouble borrowing money from me? That's just a wild guess. Well, Jack, I was merely trying to be topical, that's all. Last Thursday was Columbus, Dan. I wanted to tie you in with him. John, tying me in with Columbus is indeed flattering, but you didn't have to make me tight. He just lifted the veil. Oh, he did. Now listen, Phil, and this goes for you too, Don. We're beginning a new season, and I think we ought to make a few changes. I'm sure there are more vital things to talk about than me being tight. I'm awfully sorry, Jack. Me too. Don, I believe. You know, fellas, it's only our second broadcast during this new season. We ought to try and get on more believable subjects. You're right, Jack. We've all been taking on you too much.

3:08You said it, Mary. That's the thing I was going to say. I'm going to say it. Jack, we've all been taking on you too much. You said it, Mary. That's the thing I wouldn't finance Columbus. If I had been living in those days, I would have been glad to loan him the money. Yeah, but he'd have a tough time, saying I put it with one arm. Mary, I wouldn't have asked for collateral. But to hear you talk, you think I never spend a dime? Well, nothing. What about that party I threw into tonight at the Cognus Grove? What party? You know, the party I threw at the Cognus Grove. Didn't I pay the check for 10 people and I leave a big tip? Yeah, but you took a tree home for firewood. I did not. I just took a few branches that fell off. But don't exaggerate. Boy, that's rich. Benny the wood chopper. They'll get this trade. I didn't go to the Cognus Grove wedding tonight to chop down any trees. And why did you wear that lumberjack shirt? That wasn't a lumberjack shirt. That was my Tuxedo shirt. That was washed with some plaid socks.

4:12So there. Why Jack, you ought to sue the laundry. Just now he did it himself. Well, you're certainly right up on your clothes tonight, Miss Livingstone. It's quite a contrast to your opening performance last Sunday. You said it Jack. Oh boy, it was I, nervous. I nearly fainted. I'll say it is to wonder you couldn't control yourself. You've been out of the air before. Why all the worries? If you ever have a strap break in the middle of a program. Oh, I see. So that would happen. They marry. Is that why you borrowed my paternity pen? Yeah. Phil, how can I heal Billy that only went as far as third grade have a paternity pen? What are you talking about? I'm a college man. What college? Hornpone tech. Hornpone tech. Yeah, cornpone, cornpone. Here we come. Cave in a haircut. Beirom. Oh, a barber college. Well. Well, I'm certainly, I'm certainly glad to hear that, Phil.

5:14Right after the program, I'll let you cut my hair. Okay, just send it over the wheelchair bowl. All right, Marty. No, comic bags. Marry. I'll wait a minute, fellas. That's another topic I want to dismiss this season. I don't want to hear another word about my two pay, because I don't wear one. What's that over your right ear, a halo? I'm married, cut it off, let's change the subject. Stay down, come here a minute. What is it, Jack? Did you hear any night reports on our opening program last Sunday? I mean, was there any good comment on it? Well, yes, everyone I talked with liked it very much. And there were especially enthusiastic about our new tenor, Dennis Day. Oh, that's, well, of course, he was a little nervous his first time on the air. Well, I have to admit, Jack, that I was pretty nervous myself. I have the shakes too. Phil, you've never had anything that a good night's sleep won't cure. But really, Don, I'm very happy about Dennis.

6:14Of course, I'm going to have to do something about that mother of his. Oh, boy, what I've gone through with her already. Well, after all, Jack, it's the mother's instinct to look after the best infrastructure. I know that, Don, but I don't want her around while we're brought, Cass. Oh, why don't you put your foot down, Cass? Why don't you threaten her? Not a good that'll do. She's bigger than I am. Look, we've been on the air ten minutes and they haven't shown up yet. And you know why? Because I told her to be here on time. Oh, Jack, you're just imagining things. Mrs. Day seems to be a very nice woman. Don, you don't have to put up with her like I do. She's always interfering with my business. She came over to my house the other day and made Dennis stop mowing the lawn. How do you like that? Don't tell me you got that kid mowing your lawn already. Well, it keeps them out of mischief and the side-genres was perfectly willing to do it. You should be. You got it in its contract. I have not as mother took it out. Anyway, my lawn sure looks nice. Half mowed. Well, why don't you make Rochester finish it? Oh, he can't. He's going some kind of a union where he can only do five jobs.

7:17He's up to his quota now. Anyway, if I was getting back to Mrs. Day, if he doesn't... Whoops! That must be her now. Don't say anything, fellas. Come in. Well, Andy! Hi, you buck! Well, how are you? Well, Andy, it's about time you showed up. I was expecting you to drop in last Sunday. Why couldn't make it buck? I had to drive Montaude as a Pomona Fair. We've never missed it. All of the Pomona Fair? I'd say did your mother win first prize again on her famous Elderberry wine? Well, she was expecting two bucks, but Pa was all alone in the back seat with the jugs. So, your poor dragon, huh? I think so. We passed an orange grove on the way and Pa said, Holy smoke, look at that sunset! Well, and you're probably right. Andy, they generally have pretty good exhibits at the Pomona Fair. How are they this year? Well, the farm product's too wonderful. You know what's ahead of an era coin there? Three feet long.

8:22What was that, Andy? I knew you'd be interested, fellas. Well, I'm glad you had such a good time, Andy. By the way, did you get a chance to tune in on our show last week? I sure did, buck! How'd you like our new tenor, Dennis A? Oh, he was great, but Pa was a little disappointed. She thought I was gonna say this year. But you could hardly talk that much. That's all we need. Now, wait a minute, Andy, wait a minute. You're not a tenor. I am on some word. You're a poor cat on some word. Well, stick around, Andy. I'll have you meet the kid. He'll be here pretty soon. I'd like to, buck, but I gotta run along now. Why, Andy? What's your hurry? Oh, my girl's picking me up in front of the studio. Oh, your girl, A. Wishing. Whoever picks me up so long, but... Yeah, I'll say that. That, Andy, he's getting to be quite a devil. Well, come on, Phil. Let's get going with the show. How about a number? Okay, Jackson, would you like a new year and oldie?

9:23Phil, just play a goody if you can, Andy. A new year and oldie.

11:15There you go. That was put that down and writing, played by Phil Harrison and his orc, and Phil, in all fairness to you, the band sounded very good much better than last week. What he was talking about, the musical sensational last week. Sensational? Yeah, did you see that marvelous ride up? I got in the musical Curio. The musical Wock Curio. I got it right here. Let's see that. Curio. That's Currier, musical Curio. He owns a fraternity pin, yes. So I could crush that strap, I'd give it back. I don't blame you. What is the ride up, say, Phil? It's a ride from start to finish, kid. Do you read it, Jackson? I don't want to sound happy. Okay. It says, a musical review. Phil Harrison is orc, for our back again on the Jello program this year. And on the opening broadcast Sunday, October 8th, we can only say that the music was a bomb and a bomb. That's bad, eh?

12:20In all selections played, the brass was turbulent and the strings were as stagnant as anything this reporter has ever heard. And that guy's one of the best critics in the culture. He's dirt me his, Phil, so that's what you call a raid notice, eh? Dude, I got to scrap before that stuff. Did you hear that, Mary? He saves those kind of riders. Maybe he's going to blackmail himself. That must be it. What are you kids talking about? Why that's one of the best riders I ever got. Did you notice them big words? Phil, this review says that your music was a bomb and a though turbulent segment. If you take a bow on that, it proves that you're definitely an illiterate, egomaniac. No kidding. See, that went to his head too. I like give up, I did my best. Now let's drop all this nonsense and get down to business. Hey Jack, yes, Don. Seeking of write-ups, our opening program got a lovely notice in the Grocer's Journal. Oh, and the Grocer's Journal, eh? Did he got it with you, Don?

13:20Sure, here it is, right here, it says, eh. The Jello program opened its fall season last Sunday night with the most enjoyable half hour. Well, it was a distinct pleasure to hear Don, jolly boy Wilton. jolly boy, man. Again, remind us that Jello is not only economical and easy to make, but that it comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. Well, that's very nice, Don. Doesn't it say anything about the rest of us? Oh, yes, it says that Jack, Ben A. Mary Livingston and Phil Harris maintained perfect silence as Mr. Wilton and a voice vibrant with emotion, dressed the importance of insisting on genuine Jello with the big red ladders on the box. Well, that's a marvelous review, Don. You went over very big. You know, fellas, when you get that kind of... Say, Jack, I think I'm jealous, say now. Where? Right behind his mother. Oh, yes, yes. Uh... Hello! Hello, Dennis. Hello, Mr. Benny. Well, did you hear that, Dennis? I showed everybody like you last week. You were a big hit.

14:23He had all seems like a dream to me. I can imagine. Oh, hello, Mrs. A. How do you do? And, um... How are you, Mrs. Livingston? I'm fine, thank you. Mary. Uh, now, Dennis. Yes, please. Uh, Dennis. I don't want to harp on any particular subject because this is all new to you. But as I told you last Sunday, it's rather important that you be here on time. You were a little late again today. I'm very sorry, Mr. Benny. That's quite all right. You see, we haven't lived out here very long. You've apologized, Dennis. That's enough. But Mrs. A, your son was just trying to be courteous, that's all. He said he was sorry. That's all that's necessary. Oh, brother. What was that? I said, oh, brother, I was talking to my brother. He's sitting in the 18th row. Hello, pan! My goodness. Now, Dennis, tell me. Did you hear any nice comments about your singing last week?

15:24Did your friends like you? Oh, yes, Mr. Benny. I was so thrilled that I picked the first paycheck you gave me and framed it. Oh, you framed your check. You mean you're not even going to cash it? No, sir, never. This is the happiest moment of Jack's life. Now, Mary, I'm glad he sent a message. It shows good character, Dennis. Thanks for the frame, Mr. Benny. Never mind. You know, Dennis, I'm one of the friends who thought you were grand last week. You went over very well. Sure the kid went over. Same as the day, how'd you like to weigh more if you're a company just son? Since you asked, me, I thought the music was a bum. They are jacks and everybody says so. Well, I can't stand this any longer. I'm going to explain this whole thing to you in your native tongue. When that critic said that your music was a bummer, he meant that you weren't jyvin' that you were off the beam. Do you mean I wasn't in the groove I wasn't helped? Exactly. Well, dummy up on that. Mama Jack's.

16:29Now, don't take it too hard. Phil, we all get a bad write-up once in a while. Shucks, and I just subscribed to that paper for 25 years. Well, that's too bad. Oh, Jack, he didn't have told him. He was so ignorant and happy. I did it for his own good, Mary, Phil, but he's been getting pretty swellheaded lately. Is that so? Yes, Phil. You know, there's an old Chinese proverb that says, when orchestra leader gets kicked and panned, hacks it better. Remember that, Phil. Now, Dennis. Yes, please. Uh, we're ready for a number. Have you got your song prepared for tonight? Oh, indeed I have, Mr. Benny. Okay, so now, ladies and gentlemen, Dennis Day, our young vocal discovery, will sing that old and popular favorite melancholy baby. Dennis is not going to sing melancholy baby. He's going to sing Cinderella's play in my arms. Now, Mrs. Day, I've arranged with Dennis to sing melancholy baby. It's my favorite pork song. Dennis is singing Cinderella's play in my arms. Just one minute, Mrs. Day, whose program is this? That's for grabs. Say, out of this, Mary. Ladies and gentlemen, Dennis Day is going to sing melancholy baby. Oh, no, he is. Oh, yes he is.

17:29It's no use, Mr. Benny. Dennis, I'm handing this. Just as I say, we'll have no trouble. Melancholy baby, folks. Sing, Dennis. Sing, Dennis. Mr. Benny. A few minutes to midnight, have a ball of a crowd with way. Then two charming people went dancing by. And I heard him sing. Day in my arms, Cinderella, while the clock is striking, I'll hold you. At the foot of swell, you'll run away. Oh, can't hear my heart, it begs you.

18:30Oh, stay in my arms. Cinderella, maybe I'm a fellow, Prince Charming. And I have you, I have one divine. I'm waiting soon, place next to mine. Midnight of midnight, and fall divine. Cinderella, say, in my arms. While the clock is striking, I'll hold you. Midnight of midnight, and fall divine. Cinderella, say, never stray from my arms.

19:44That was Melancholy baby sung by Dennis. And now ladies and gentlemen. That was Cinderella, say, in my arms. Now listen, Mrs. A. Cinderella was a Melancholy baby, and you know it. Anyway, Dennis, you're saying that number beautifully. You didn't sound a bit nervous tonight. I wasn't Mr. Benny, but last week, he, oh boy. Well, last only natural. Gosh, if it hadn't been for Miss Livingston, I don't know what I'd have done. It was nothing, Dennis, I didn't want to be scared, that's all. Well, I was awfully sweet of you, Mary. What'd you tell her? I just said that if a certain meeting got by for seven years, why should he worry? Well, that's a fine way to talk about Fred Allen. Anyway, Dennis, don't feel upset about last week, because we were all just as jittery as you were.

20:44Every one of us. I was as cool as a cucumber. Is that so, Mrs. Dave, if I dare? What was that? I said we're on the air. We're on the air. And hello, Sam. Mary, I'm talking. And now ladies and gentlemen, if I may resume control here, I would like to announce our play for next Sunday. A week from tonight, the Benny Belliger and Barnsawmers will inaugurate their new season of dramatic offering. After much thought and careful consideration, we decided to open with our version of Darryl Eppzannick, 20th Century Fox production, that historical drama of adventure and darkest Africa, Stanley and Livingston. Thank you, kidzman. This IP will be one of our outstanding presentations. I agree with you, Jack. I think it's a great idea to do Stanley and Livingston. Yes, John, at least it'll be something new. New? Fed Allen did it two weeks ago.

21:44Mrs. Dave, what Fred Allen does on his program is no concern of mine. This is a true story that took place in the year 1875. And I have just much right to do Stanley and Livingston as Fred Allen. Even more, you knew the boys. I'm not that old, Mary. I'll get him back. Now, getting back to next week's attraction. Oh, Mr. Benny. Yes, please. I mean, yes. Yes, Dennis. Why does Mr. Allen talk through his nose? What does that, Dennis? I said, why does Mr. Allen talk through his nose? Because he hasn't enough strength to blow it and thanks for action. Now, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, gosh, I hope he's listening. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to take the remaining moments of our program to give you a preview of some of the highlights from next week's stirring drama. First, pardon me, I'll take it.

22:44Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. A Rochester, I'm busy now. Call me back later. What is important, boys? Call Michael Gattatute. Two fakes? You know, I've gone and I knew there was something wrong with that polar bear this morning. Is he in pain, Rochester? Yes, boss, and he's in a bad mood. I threw a fish at him and he declined it right back in my face. I can't see. A Rochester, your own call. Call Michael, wouldn't have a two-take if you take care of him. Did you brush his teeth this morning? Only as a passby. The last offer, which coos is bothering him, Rochester? Is it a molar or a bicuspid? What, that was? I said, is it a molar or a bicuspid? Yes, we're there. Rochester, what I'm trying to get at, what bothering him is it a front tooth or a back tooth? It's that long front one.

23:44The one he dimpled my leg with. Look, I'll be home pretty soon, meanwhile. Here's what I want you to do. Now, pay straight attention. Okay, boss. Now, take a piece of cotton. Take a piece of cotton. Roll it into a ball. Roll it into a ball. Put some coos they dropped on it. Put some two they dropped on it. And then shove it in the cavity. Rochester, Rochester, your echo just resurred. We're having sake now. Don't be such a coward. Animals understand when you're trying to help him. Remember, remember that story about a man who took a thorn out of the line, Paul? Yeah, well, the truth is. Well, look, Rochester, just leave the barrel alone. I'll take care of him later. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. What? Can I borrow your top hat tonight? My top hat. Yeah, I got a seat with a tall group. Just stand on your tip, pros, and leave my hat alone.

24:44Goodbye. And that polar bear got more trouble. What's the matter, Jack? No commycle's got a toothache. There'll be no living with him all week. Well, where were we? I'm going to get a toothache. I'm going to get a toothache. I'm going to get a toothache. I'm going to get a toothache. I'm going to get a toothache. I'm going to get a toothache. I'm going to get a toothache. Well, where were we? You were going to get us a preview of family and living. Oh, yes. And now, ladies and gentlemen, are the highlights of our next week's attraction, family and living. The thrilling saga of the dark continent. Take it down. Africa. The jungle. And others. These ladies and gentlemen are just a few of the highlights for next week, Sundays, and days in a lot of ways. It's a Stanley and Living. So be sure and tune in. Pardon me. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. I'll be seeing you in a jungle next week. Oh, are you a headhunter? No, hair is all I'm after. Goodbye. And he's not kidding at all. Blaze!

25:58Get old is always something new for dessert. If you just look around, and the new jello pudding makes the best desserts that you've tasted in a long time. Just try that jello butter-scotch pudding and find out how delicious it is. It has a creamy mellow flavor, the flavor of real old-fashioned butter-scotch. The kind you loved when you were a kid. And it has a tempting golden color, like tapies, that make your hungry just a look at it. Then try jello chocolate pudding, rich and dark and sap and smooth. And jello vanilla pudding with that rich color of old ivory and a delicately tempting flavor. If, ma'am, you say all three jello puddings are tops and goodness. And all three are quick and easy to make. Or all you do is add milk and then cook and stir over a low flame until the mixture is smooth and thick. The direction or in every package and you can't go wrong. Jello puddings are a swell cold weather dessert, a truly heartening treat for a brisk fallnight. So try all three and try them soon. Ask your dross in tomorrow for jello butter-scotch, chocolate and vanilla pudding.

27:00This is the last number of the second program and the new jello series. And we will be video again next Sunday night at the same time. So we here and lesson into the opening of our dramatic season. I will put your hand down and you will be right there. And I will put your hand down. And I will put your hand down. This is the last number of the second program in the new jello series. And we will be video again next Sunday night at the same time. So we're here less than an end to the opening of our dramatic season. Take that. Let's stop someplace and get a sandwich. I can't, Mary. I gotta run home and take care of Carmichael. Oh, say, do you know a good dentist I can get for him? Here, I got an uncle that's a swell dentist. We'll call him. Will you? Is he painless? No, he's got rheumatism. He's got morpals. Oh, well, I guess he'll do. Good night, Paul. Ah! Take these towels out. Oh! Here's news. Ever Tuesday night, the Aldrich family is on the air. Darring Ezra Stone and Henry Aldrich, that lovable hard luck kid.

28:03Come sell your local newspaper for time and stations and be sure to tune in on the Aldrich family. Next Tuesday night. This is the National Broadcasting Company.