Gina Gardiner & Friends with Dorothy O' Gardy

0:00It's time now for Gina Gardner and friends. The show that shares stories from inspiring people from a wide range of expert guests all focused on helping you live a happier, more successful and fulfilling life. Gina Gardner is a multiple number one international best selling author, motivational speaker, business coach and trainer. She's the founder of Genuinely You. It has over 30 years experience of helping people step into their genuine, authentic power personally and professionally. Matthew. Oh, sorry. It's okay. I just need you to listen to me. I know that a lot of times mom, it might not seem like I'm listening to you, but I am. I hear you. And what you say really does matter to me. I mean, let's be honest. No kid likes rules, but I get why we have them. I hear you, and I know it's because you care. For more information about talking with your kids about underage use of alcohol and other drugs, visit underagedrinking.samsa.gov.

1:02And now here's your host, Gina Gardner. Hello there, have a huge welcome to this week's episode of Gina Baldner and Friends. Today I'm joined by Dorothy O'Grady and she's a lady who lives very locally to me. Dorothy has quite a range of things that she does. She's the presence of the local women's institute or WI. She's a musician and she's a speaker. And interestingly, her speaking at the moment is around creativity through the medium of gift wrapping. But when you on pick that, the gift within the gift wrapping is not about the gift wrapping but about unwrapping your creativity. We're going to start off this today's show by talking about developing community, but I have no doubt that we are going to unwrap the present that is there in the gift wrapping later on in the show. Dorothy, a huge welcome. Thank you very much for joining me. Thank you. Lovely to be here. What does community mean to you?

2:03Well, I think, I mean, there are many ways you can look at it, aren't there? There's the sort of external factor of where you live and who's around you. And then there's that sort of innocence of connectedness or belonging, which hopefully we experience in the community around us. But increasingly nowadays, I think people are free to explore medium of the internet and also just by the fact that we're mobile, now we've got cars. We're not restricted anymore to the places where we actually live. And the notion of also imagined community, the community that I feel, ideally, those things ought to sort of layer on top of each other. Yes. There seems to be something unhealthy to me in living in a place that you don't belong to or it doesn't belong to you. You don't feel that the people around you have anything to do with you. I don't think that's, I think that's an unhappy place. And I think a lot of people are lonely because of that. Yeah. So this is something that, as part of Women's Institute, that I've been thinking about a lot. How do we make community when it's kind of been lost?

3:06No, there's a lot of what you say. I think it's amazing really that when you think that there are, there've never been more ways to connect with people that there has never been such high levels of loneliness and depression and anxiety that come from the point of feeling that you don't belong, that nobody cares about you, that you are alone. And you don't have to be alone physically to feel alone. Do you, can feel very alone in a crowd if you don't feel as if you belong? Hmm. And is that, is that kind of a modern phenomenon, though, because I wonder in the past, when people lived, you know, in families, as extended family communities or people needed each other, right? I mean, if you lived in a village or something like, like I do, and like you do, I think, there'd be somebody who filled the role of the Blacksmith or whatever, the shoemaker, you know, I mean, people would have useful roles that served each other, like with physical things. Somebody would be growing, be true,

4:06and you'd be growing potatoes. And so that would work, you know? And then also you would have Mad Uncle George sitting by the fireplace muttering to himself and he was your responsibility. You didn't have an extended sort of network of social care or something. So it all came down to you. So then people sort of were obliged to be in an interactive state with each other all the time. I wonder whether the sense of isolation, I mean, did people have a sense of isolation under those conditions? Maybe they felt misunderstood sometimes. Maybe they didn't have time to think about it, I don't know. But it seems as kind of a modern phenomenon, doesn't it? That it would feel very separate from the people even around them. I think it probably started at the beginning of the industrial revolution when although people were in crowded areas that they lost their connection with their roots. You know, I'm reminded of a guy that lives in my village and when I first met him, he was doing some gardening for me. He'd never been further than Ipswich and for those of you that are not familiar

5:09with the Ardley area in Essex in the UK, Ipswich is 12 miles away from where I live. And he'd spent his whole life within that 12 mile radius. He didn't have a car and he used the bus as rarely as possible. He didn't like going anywhere. And you know, you think how mobile people are and how many older people do you know where their children live, not only miles away from them, but many times live abroad. And so that connection through the generations of grandparents, parents and children is gone. But also connections through the church, connections through being, as you said, very much part of the same community where your very existence was partly well hugely supported by codependence. And we don't have that now. There was something in the paper last week of a lady who was found who had died four years

6:11before anybody discovered her death. That's all, isn't it? That would not have happened in a time when people were very connected in terms of seeing a physical presence and making those connections. But we now live busy lives, people live in an isolated way. I was reading some information this morning because of a workshop I'm doing in a couple of weeks where the number of people who live on their own has gone up by 18.4% in the state since 2011 and 8.7% in the UK since 2011. And we're talking about 28 million people in the states. We're talking about millions of people in the UK who are living on their own. And what we don't know is what level of connection do they have with their family, their friends

7:11with organizations such as the WI, and how many of those people are feeling isolated. As if you look at the number of prescriptions that are being doled out for depression and anxiety which we know has a strong connection to being lonely over half the prescriptions in the UK and I'm told it's the same in the US. So, societally have a big problem with people feeling isolated. Well, it's interesting. I just read an article in a paper and a title of it was, I've got it photocopied here because I was going to bring it to our next meeting. It says, being kind beats therapy for depression. I'm sure that's true. And I'm thinking this is because for me, it can be a little depressing when you think about these kind of numbers, can't it? And you think, what can you do? Everything seems inexorably continuing forward and getting worse somehow. It's really easy to allow that to be overwhelming. But it seems to me that the only thing you can't make, you can't force communities or connections

8:13between people, right? It can only, all you can do is you can offer things which you want to do and invite people to join you, right? And I think that's the only place to begin. And that is to create. I was just going to say, I think that's so important because so many people I think are waiting for somebody to come and knock on their door and say, don't be lonely, come and join us. Well, ultimately, I think if you create something and say to other people, come and join me, that's a way where you can pretty well guarantee that people will join you if you're persistent enough and that you create something where there's no rings attached. But ultimately, I'm enjoying this, come and be part of it with me. So it's sort of an organic thing, isn't it? Because you already want to do it. So you're not making effort because we've all got so many things that we need to take care of and responsibilities.

9:15But if we're doing something which has a natural flow for us, for example, I'm thinking about starting a little walking group of starting with the people that I know. Because we have these wonderful network of footpaths. And this is something that, when I lived in the United States, I used to think, what's so strange about this? You can't go anywhere and just walk down the road. And when I moved back here to England, I remember that we have this fabulous network of ancient footpaths that you have the right to walk upon across anybody's land as long as you stay on the footpath. And so those only are maintained if we sort of claim them and look after them. I was thinking, well, we'll get our second tiers and walk on these footpaths. We'll discover where they are for a start for going for nice walks. And we'll cut back the brambles and whatever and keep them possible. And that's something I'd like to do myself. I'd like to know where these lovely walks are. And so what a natural thing to just invite others to come along too and create this sort of little society

10:17for having walks, taking our dogs out, we've got dogs. But also maintaining this wonderful asset that we have. But which needs to be cared for or it will be lost. So ultimately, they're having something shared where there's a shared purpose. It's really important. There's a lot I want to follow up through in this conversation, but we've got to go to a short break now. So please don't go away. While you are away, one of the things I'd like you to think about for when we come back, you are present at the WRI, the Women's Institute. How do you think that's shaped your way of thinking? Or do you think it's the other way around that your way of thinking has shaped your role in the WRI? So when you're back in just a minute, please don't go away. Hey there, I'm Lance Bass. And this is Chip. And for more than 100 years, American humane has been protecting animals in times of crisis.

11:19And if you're like me, your pet means the world to you. And you want to keep them safe if disaster strikes. American humane's first responders are always prepared to rescue animals in danger, but you can also help. To learn more about disaster planning and keeping your animal safe, please visit americanhumane.org. Welcome back. Before the break, I set Dorothy something to think about, which is what shapes, which is the beginning, and which is the end, really, or is it something different? So your president of the local WRI Women's Institute. First of all, why did you decide to join it? What was your motivation of becoming part of that group? Well, you know, I only joined because my mother had been part of it for many, many years. And she needed someone to take her towards the end of her life. And so I overcame my resistance to this notion of being part of something, which I view just being a bit for older people or denying the reality

12:23of my own age, but I thought, you know, there's not much going on in this village. There's not many places. And this is already something that's been invested in over many years. And it has a lot of weight and worth in it. So I thought, well, maybe I could make a contribution here. And I wanted to make a contribution somewhere. I do a few other things locally, but not much, really. And I've actually enjoyed it. And it has helped me a lot because I had to learn to be much more diplomatic, you know, because there are many people from very different places, right, with different comfort levels. And one has to think about how to make space for everybody, but then also to be welcoming to new people, to keep things moving. So I realized how I have a tendency to get really enthusiastic about things. And I got all these ideas. And then I sort of overdue it. And everybody gets overwhelmed. So I had to sort of learn to tone it down, and to create a committee, and take things more gradually,

13:24you know, to allow everybody to come along together. Because new things are great. But if you introduce them too quickly, then people feel alienated, you know? So I've learned sort of the hard way slightly, not really the hard way, but just that sort of roofal awareness that perhaps, you know, what I thought was delightful enthusiasm was viewed by some as branding of the tradition or something. But it's interesting. We started, we've started a craft group, because we thought, how can we reach out to people? People that have a notion that they don't want to be part of the WI, or something like that, because it's old-fashioned, or something. And so we started this crafting morning, which is open to everybody, men and women, actually, because the women's institute is exclusively for women. But people started coming, and people that I knew started coming to that, and said to me, you know, I was so lonely and lost and felt so unhappy. And this has just been so brilliant.

14:25I'm really enjoying it, and everybody's so friendly. And I thought I would not have identified that person as feeling that way. They seemed very efficient. They were doing kinds of things. I thought, how little we know, you know, from the surface appearance, what's really going on with people. That's such a truth that people can seem to be coping. And very often, people will only make themselves very busy, and so it's on those days when the busyness can't go on, that they feel most alone. I know that one of the things that you speak on is this business of gift wrapping. Yes. I thought it's not that, you know, creativity through the medium of gift wrapping. And we started to record what you mentioned that through that, there is a theme of expectation. It is interesting. I started offering this talk, and the reason I started offering

15:25was because I was trying to offer a talk about music, right? And my own trio, I was hoping, would come, and we'd do some performances, and we'd talk about moving from, you know, how to write a song, and how you develop it and everything. And the people that I asked, which is quite a young group of women, they said, oh, mm, yeah, could you come and do that gift wrapping thing that you did before? And it was taken aback, because I thought, I judged it as being quite shallow, a shallow thing. You know, but I said, yes, of course, I'll come and do that. And so I've been developing it over a period now. And what I've, it's sort of been honed and directed as it's gone along. So I started with showing people some techniques for how to make things neater and look nice, right? And then I moved into an eco area of how not to waste stuff. And that moved into, why do we think we have to wrap things a certain way? Why do we feel that it has to have a hallmark, silver bow, stuck on the top, and then it's acceptable in the world?

16:28We won't be judged, you know? So it's developed more and more now about why we're afraid of doing things in our own way. You know, if I'm giving you a gift, because I care about you, why do I think that it's only acceptable if I have it wrapped in a certain way with the tape arranged in a certain style and not visible or whatever? I find it quite naturally goes over into, how can we, how do we have value? Why do we even wrap a gift, right? It's to add some value, personal value to it. So then why do we feel inhibited about the way we'd like to do that? Why do we feel that we're not creative? So many people say to me, oh, well, I'm not creative, I can't do that. I'll make them all try something during the course of this. And so we look into that a little bit. And it's interesting, I really see people's eyes lighting up at a certain point as they realize that paying attention to something is all that's required. You know, we haven't valued a certain area or we've been frightened of it. We all felt like I wasn't any good. So I didn't want to explore that any further.

17:30It was too challenging, right? But the idea that finding things in your sewing box and using them to decorate your gift, it's not a chore. We can turn something we're making into a chore, into a bit of a chore. You've left it for life, isn't it? That when you don't use the purpose and intention, it doesn't matter what it is, you can change it from being something that you don't want to do in a chore into something that takes on a very different hue because you are doing it and doing it with your whole self being in the moment and giving yourself the gift of experiencing that. And even the washing up takes on a different feel if you choose to do it with purpose. It's very true, isn't it? It's kind of the secret of life, almost, is that when things are done wholeheartedly, and that just means paying, giving one's attention and energy to the thing makes it valuable, whatever it is, right? And doing things in a sort of haphazard way while thinking about something else

18:30takes the value and the joy away from them. And so why not practice living? It's like Chigong or something as well, you know, Tai Chi, the idea that you turn by slowing yourself down and being present with it, you enhance its value to yourself and to others and you receive joy from doing it. And it's the same in relating to people, you know, if you're in a meeting and you take the time to listen, but somebody's saying, even if it seems to be not a very interesting story initially, it actually becomes quite an interesting story. Once you give them permission to give you the story properly, you're not just saying, oh, yeah, great, yeah. Well, we're talking about gift wrapping, but I think you've given people a huge gift in that because when you live your life with intention in that way, the quality of your life is hugely enhanced. We've got to go for another short break, but please don't go away. We're going to continue in just a moment. Arrived with a perspective

19:32and leaned with a new one. Those who know Hotel Indigo, know there's so much more to be discovered. Hotel Indigo, part of IHG Hotels and Resorts, 18 hotel brands, 6,000 global destinations, one loyalty program. So Dorothy, you've become the president of the local women's institute. You've taken action to support and create community within your local area. If somebody's listening to this and perhaps there aren't many things going on, what would your advice be to them for people to actually create a sense of community where they don't feel that there is one at the moment? Well, do you remember that there's a story I seem to remember from somewhere and it's about a young couple that are thinking of moving to a town and they stop and they ask somebody, what's this place like to live in?

20:34And the person says to them, well, what's the place you're moving from? What's that like? And they start as fantastic, everybody's so friendly to get along really well. And he said, well, I think you'll find this town will be the same. And another young couple comes along and stops and asks the same person, you know, what's this place going to be like to live in? He says, well, what's the place like that you're coming from and they said, oh, it's awful. People are so unfriendly and nobody's interested. We kind of hate it there. And he said, no, I think you'll find this town will be just like that. Which is quite a good story, right? No, they would think that I do think that friendliness, I've actually been asking people recently about what it is that makes community. And somebody was saying that in the place where they lived when they moved there, everybody took time and just like smiled at hello. And it gave them the permission to reach out to other people. And I think there's something there that if we give from ourselves, even just one of us starting off, if we give that sense of welcome and time, it's time really, isn't it?

21:35It's only a few seconds, but that's precious time to other people to say, here I am, I'm open. I want to make a connection with you. I want to know who you are a little bit. There's room for you in my life sort of thing. Then you start to create the dynamic where everybody is free to have time for each other. So I think that's in a way that's a beginning point is just being aware of what I'm giving out as I walk down the street and my present. And this is the same thing. I don't like that word present, really. It's so overused, but hold on to the one I like. And my whole hearted, am I here? Or am I somewhere else thinking about my shopping list? I'm just practicing when I'm out in public being here, then I meet people. I meet such fascinating people all the time at the market or somewhere. It's interesting, isn't it? How often people have just a little bit of their attention on the person they're speaking to. And I'm sure we've all met people that when you speak to them, you feel valued. You feel that they really are, they're seeing you,

22:37they're hearing you because they are wholeheartedly focusing their attention on what you have to say, who you are, and actually listening beyond the words, looking beyond the initial impression. And we know the power of somebody saying to you, how are you, but not expecting the I'm okay, but how are you really? And being interested in the response. And I think that you very eloquently offer people the advice of, don't wait for others. Be the change you want in the situation that you're in and actually meet people beyond the halfway to start with be the one that initiates the smile, the hello, and the question, how are you? And that will make a big difference. It's interesting what you said earlier about the loss of our sort of shared values system, which has made life much more difficult for us, right? Because we no longer can assume that the people around us

23:37think in somewhat similar ways to us. And that makes life more frightening in a way, because you don't know what to expect. But I was thinking about it, it's like a basket. You have a basket, which is your sort of belief structure or whatever, then it holds you quite lightly, but it contains you in a way which is secure and comforting. But if the side of the basket are too high, it becomes a cage, and then you can't wait to get out, right? But if the basket sort of melts and dissolves, then everybody rolls away and gets lost, it feels unconnected. So it's almost like that where you need to be the basket, which is making the space for people to be there together in our community, to think that we're creating the light. It's lightly held, but it's still there so that everybody feels, ah, I belong here. I'm part of this. It belongs to me and I belong to it. And in that way, we start caring too, because I don't know if you remember a little while ago, the Oxford English Dictionary for Children, I think it was,

24:41announced that they were changing some of the words. They were taking out, did you hear about this? Yeah, they were taking out some words, and they were all worth like Blue Bell, and Acorn, and Conquer, and Ren, like natural words. And they were replacing them with these soulless, dreadful things like PowerPoint presentation and celebrity. And it was so deeply depressing, right? And so many were at a beautiful book. It was Robert McFarlane, I think, about these lost words they called them. Say it, and it was about how you can't love something if you can't name it. If you don't know it, you can't love it. And I think it's kind of the same. And I mean, if you don't know people, you can't care about them. If you don't know the place, if you don't know the bounds of it and the walks of it, how can you care about it? And belong to it, and how can it belong to you? And if you belong to it and it belongs to you, then you pick up the rubbish and you don't throw it down. And you notice when a tree needs a limb cut off or something, do you know everybody's doing that? Not the government or the council. You're not saying, why don't they do something? We're thinking, oh, let's look after this

25:42because it's our thing. So I think that's an amazing gift to give people. Unfortunately, we've got to come to an end. But before we do, we belong to be one to you on by one gift one, which is an organization that supports people around the world, people who haven't had a great chance in life. And we invite everyone of our guests to choose one or four projects, and we donate on your behalf. And so the four of them are clean water, education, and rear forestation, which of those four would you like us to donate to on your behalf? Clean water. Brilliant. So donation will be going on your behalf. It just remains for me to say a huge thank you. Where can people find you if they're interested in knowing more? Well, I only have an email. I don't have a, well, there is a great wrongly WI Facebook page. Very likely people with information

26:44that it will develop as time goes on. Maybe that's the best place. You can get me through that. I manage that page. A great wrongly WI on Facebook. Thank you very much indeed. And just thank you for all of you. Thank you so much for listening. I'd love to know your story, and whether you think you'd be a great fit for the show, what you enjoy about the show. Email me at Gina G-I-N-A at Gina Gardiner G-A-R-D-I-N-E-R and friends.com and is the full world. Gina Gardiner and friends. Dorothy and listeners, thank you so much for being with me today. I look forward to seeing you on the next show. Bye-bye now. Thanks for listening to Gina Gardiner and friends. The show that helps you live a happier, more successful, and fulfilling life. To learn more about Gina Gardiner, go to genuinely-u.com. If you would like to work with Gina, or book her as a speaker, email her at Gina at genuinely-u.com.