Episode #332: Adult Compassion Can Change Childhood Interpretation

0:00Hi everybody, welcome to Tea Time with Amy and Bev. Hello, hello. Good day. How are you doing? Doing all right. A little sore, but I had to do a small project. It was a small task, but I required a little bit of bending over and like stepping off. So my left side is and my butt talk is sore. So like, wasn't that a good indication I need to get back to the gym. Because I haven't been in a while, so. So that's awesome because it brings you right back into your body. Oh, sure does. So we'll move into the floor. I will say go to sit down and stand up is a and you know the hard toilet seat. Girl.

1:00Very slow moving. I'm going to slow her down. She doesn't know that she's doing it herself, but I'm going to slow her down. Right, right, right. You can't run. So if a dog chases you, it's pretty much the dog's going to win. No, I won't. But let me tell you something. If I'm running, don't ask questions. Just run because there's something happening. Okay. That's what I tell people all the time. Hey, if I'm running, there's something chasing me. That's the bottom line. They're because typically no. That's what I do. I'm not here personally. It's right. Something's happening and you just need this. Just start sprinting because. No questions. Run. Run with me. Yeah. What's going on with you? Oh my gosh, I feel like life is a constant transition. I don't even know where to start. I don't know where we've ended up with the last few things. I went to my father's house and picked up pictures of my, you know, just to go through.

2:01It's like 30 years, 37 years of pictures to go through. Some of them, like, I don't even know who these people are. And some of them like, oh my god, that's me. That's me holding my brother. Like when he was just a baby, I would have been like 13 years old and stuff. But it's good to go back and reflect on these pictures. Because I have a bunch of them set up in front of me. So I'm constantly I come and sit in my office and my quiet time will be just. Like looking at my brother or my sister or my kids or my grandmother me playing and it's like looking at all these different things, but getting a different version of myself from the old story I've been telling myself for so long. We can get into such a space of always fighting things that are not of positive. And so I've re re structuring my life and my perspective in my life in a lot of ways. And that's making me lighter. It's making me lighter. To where I wanted to have changes, I have a picture of me when I was probably like 12 years old and, you know, most of us back in that time, bring, we're doing the ferrofos

3:02at thing or the captain and, you know, the to meal thing or the people probably don't know who that is, but to me, the captain and to me, the whole thing. My sister had her hair cut. It looked like to me. I had my hair cut. Look, I was trying to go for the ferrofos at thing back in the day because it's Charlie Vangels, you know, they rocked back in the day. But it's like just it's actually embracing not the Charlie Vangels for embracing the energy, the freedom, the curiosity of these pictures. And so I sit and look at these pictures and I kind of dive into the energy of those pictures. Not that I want to be that same little girl again, but just to have the light back in my eyes and looking at the world through a different perspective instead of like when it's, the thing that comes to my mind always is like, you need to go sit in the corner or you need to go sit in your room and think about what you did wrong. And it's like it was never something to go sit and think about all the things you did right. And I know we've had these kind of conversations before, but they take on a different

4:04energy, a personality when you look at it from this totally different perspective on things. Looking at, I mean, God, I look at my brother a lot. And it's interesting because all this stuff came up and then I start hearing about his oldest son is having some struggles with similar things that my brother struggled with. And that's why I tell people not to beat yourself up, but we go through these phases, you know, being the black sheep and this because we're paving a new way. We're like taking their crap, their stuff that we learn, not even knowing that we have it in our energy as our pattern, as our template of how we're going to operate our life. And then it's our opportunity to be like, I don't need to be in any of this. And the easiest way for me to not be in it is to be right now. It's to be right now. Just like with you having the pain in the left side, it's all that thing, all that it's offering up to you is an opportunity for you to be right now. It may hurt, but it pulls you into that space of, you know, focusing on those areas.

5:06Be stretching, maybe taking a hot, hot bath or which is always a thrilling sound in the summertime, but just turn it AC up, turn it, turn up the heat, but just sit in there with some, you know, epsom salts and smells and stuff. Just it's honoring self, it's taking time for self. We don't do it enough. So just to give the audience a little perspective at what point in your life for you, this is connected detached from your father figure for your father. Oh, so this would be my actual my stepdad, but I he's like a father to me in so many ways. Okay. So this is actually all on that side. I've gotten pictures also on my biological father's side. And so I've gotten to explore those, but these were all pictures of, you know, just like my mom and stuff and mom being silly or my brother, like he was awfully meet when I look back at these pictures, I see that he was, there was a lot of seriousness in him when

6:07he was younger. And so it's like it's just, that's the time frame. So, you know, when I was, I would say probably eight to 13, I've even got pictures of me that as a little girl laughing and smiling, you know, like it may be a 12 month old or something along those lines. They actually did pictures back then. Yeah, right. I had to get them developed, but we did have that. That's true. That's true. People have waited up. Yeah, but at least getting some developed, we got them developed, right? Of course, now I've got all these freaking pictures, but on the other side that now everything's digital. Most of the time, I don't go find time to go develop any of these pictures. I don't go take them to go in. It's not even developing anymore anymore. It's just to get them printed out. So it's a life is life is a journey. Yeah. It's cool. I wrote down the question or not. Well, what I was getting, I was, was giving the audience perspective as to, so, Bev and I

7:14have similar paths and I never knew my biological dad, father, and I've had three step dads. So, conjuring up stories from the childhood, what I wrote down was childhood through the eyes of an adult is what you're doing now. And when we take the opportunity to get more information and understand a little bit more about our parents journey. If you have that opportunity, if you have that type of relationship with your, your either side, mother or father, that, you know, I had a lot of anger and bitterness and feeling abandoned because my biological dad, like, left with my mom got pregnant.

8:20So I've never met him. Have I been given the opportunity to meet him? Yes. Did I want to? No. And that is totally my choice. And I've also done a lot of healing around that. And I also got a little bit more, I don't know the whole story, but I got a little bit more of the story to understand that they were doing the best they knew how to do at that time. Also, this was in the seven in 70, like 69 70, 1969, 1970, right? So things, the way belief systems were and the way people handled things, a little different than now. Like, we have, we have other beliefs that, like, I have new belief systems about it now. And, and to have some compassion around, you know, whatever it was, they were facing in their lifetime at that time. I wouldn't even be able to, it could be explained to me, it could be shared with me, but to

9:20actually know, know what they were feeling and thinking, to know what they were facing. I will never, probably never understand it, but I can have a compassion around it. And, and this is what I feel like, Bev is doing. And so correct me if I'm wrong, that you also have done that same thing as you've gotten more information, you've, you've done healing around different aspects of your childhood. And so now looking at these pictures, now years ago, looking at them, you might have felt a completely different way. But now you're looking at them, just thinking, wow, probably what a beautiful girl she was. And, you know, now I love her so much. Whereas then it would have been like, we always criticize our side. I know as a teenager, I just criticized every single thing about any picture that was taken, never satisfied, didn't like who I was, didn't like.

10:23And it was just because of the stories I was telling myself based on what I knew from being a child and observing what was happening around me and observing the, and listening to conversations that I formed my own belief system about my journey and the journey was, I wasn't good enough. I wasn't lovable because he left. And so that set the precedence for the rest of my life until I chose to do to look at it differently, which was, which started at 28, but really didn't get traction and until my 30s. And so now, you know, it's a whole different story. It's like, it just was and it was the story that I created. Here's spot on, because I have looked at these pictures and I looked at these pictures before and thought I was ugly. I was ugly now. I look at them and I'm like, yeah, just like you said, you are a beautiful girl.

11:25You are beautiful. You're beautiful the whole time. There was nothing ever wrong with you. And it's almost like an integration of, you know, bringing that child within more. It's like, here I was looking for ways to, you know, welcome my little girl back in. And so we can, you know, go out and enjoy life and live life that way. And it's like I wasn't integrating. And I wasn't seeing all the ways that I was not allowing myself to integrate this other, you know, this person that I thought was separate from me that this, like I cut myself off from all of that that I was because I cut myself off from all of that that I received of my own family, you know, of the child list or of the parent that left and then the find out my, my, my, I call my father, my stepdad now, because I've grown. But he, he was the one that told my biological father, don't come back here anymore. He was the one that told him.

12:26And he told me this is recently. So it like, when you think you got a story, I'll figure it out because you thought you heard, I mean, should I could have heard my aunt saying something? Oh, yeah, like you never paid child support. Yeah, he was paying child support. He was paying child support the whole time. And I didn't know that. But he, but, but my father now stopped that. He stopped that at that time. He didn't want him around. He didn't want to know that stuff. So here I am for my story. I'm waiting out for my, my biological, my dad to show up and he doesn't show up. You know what I mean, not knowing there is more to this whole story and not saying that he had anything to do with that, in that timeframe. But there was more to it than what I remembered. And it's like, even if that was true, stop and think about just how that would feel from the perspective right now. Would it feel better to know that I know the truth that he was asked not to come? Or would it feel better to think that I, he just never showed up because I wasn't, I wasn't worthy. I wasn't valued.

13:26And the bottom line is what I'm realizing is I had to value myself. This is something that I've been learning lately. I value myself. Value to me can be the same almost as love because because we've, love's been such a beat up word in this experience. Sometimes it was recognizing do I value myself? Do I love myself enough to value myself? And a lot of times I wasn't valuing myself most of my life. And now I am not from a egoic standpoint, but from a liberating freedom standpoint, from just like I just got my haircut yesterday. And I actually got a cut. I was telling you just before we got on to this recording that I actually haven't had a haircut since, since 2003. My kids were level. I had a hair haircut that was not, it was very disappointing. Let me just tell you, I left during work. Went to this guy. I thought, you know, I'm going to go to a guy and he's going to do this great job. And I left with it. I had long hair down in my butt. And the top of my head had short hair like Joe and Jeff short hair.

14:29So it didn't match up. It was like the super mullets. Like I had the mullet of all mullets. No one will compete at that. But I didn't see myself in the mirror. I thought I was getting long layers. I wasn't. I left their crying. So I never got my hair cut again after that. I was like, nope, not doing this. That's 2003. We're now in 2026 for God's sakes. Now, like I said, I had trims. I had bangs quite for most of my life. And then I let the bangs grow out. Then I got bangs again and then let them grow out. But not getting a haircut. So yesterday I went and got the long layers and got my bangs are down to my chin. But it's still I have hair that I didn't have. And it's like, my hair now is curly. It never was before. And so as I get to play with this, that's awesome. And I can appreciate it. But before it would have been back to the same thing. It wouldn't have been enough. It wouldn't have been. I didn't want it curly right now. You know, it's like I always want to control everything. And that's another thing. It's letting go of this control. This perceived control because it's just perceived. It's not even real. It's limiting.

15:31I've been limiting myself. I have imprisoned myself in this freaking cage for a long time. As some of the realizations I've had in the last just a couple of days. And so when I left there yesterday, one of my very close friends that had recommended that I cut my hair off because it's part of your antenna. But it's because it's shedding like crap. It's those are years of hair that are on you. And so I left there yesterday. And I was like amazed that I'm sitting here getting my hair cut. I'm like, I'm not even worried or nervous or anything like I have faith. I want this done. I was supposed to be done on Thursday and it didn't work out. And I was like, I was when I went in there yesterday, I was ready. I was ready to go. And I was like, I didn't care. It didn't it didn't matter. It's just such a it was that's for me is very freeing because I kept myself in this prison even that way. We do it in so many different ways, so many different ways. And we don't know until you start exploring things or you're ready to just let go. And I am ready to let go of it. So it's so I did that.

16:32And I left and it's like every place I went to yesterday, I had to go shopping and do things. Every single encounter I had was freaking amazing. Overly, overly bubbly, like super happy to see me. It was just not my typical day. I mean, it hasn't been that way. Not like that, not like that. And it was that way all the way till I got home the whole time. That's cool. It it it it lets you know where you're at. It's a good gauge. Yeah. When you were talking about your hair and it's, I forget what your words were, but the the amount of history that is in a strand of hair. And similar to an old building, if the walls could talk, how many how many stories, how much history could we be, could be shared. And I'm sure they can take a strand of hair and go from the end of it and kind of see

17:34the history of your, maybe your physical body, you know, the minerals and vitamins and all that and kind of get a story of your of your body from that strand of hair and be able to pinpoint, you know, like when your stress levels changed or things like that, because you know, lived under a huge amount of stress for several years. But then things started to ease up and to see that shift. Like I just think of this strand of hair. It was like this big long story that of 23 years of information that if you were to go back, that would be pretty cool. That's that's phenomenal. And when you're saying that, I'm thinking about the readings of a tree, right? Because there's always a story that that's part of that they can explore all kind of they know how long that person lives. And then I'm thinking depending on our hair growth, like how many years ago would that hair have been there? Like what was I going through at the time, my time for him during that whole experience?

18:37So it's like it's just a, it's a good reflective area. But that's part of our antenna. Like this is our body is our antenna as we're going here. It's a gauge. It's letting you know, oh, I've worked out really hard and this is how I'm feeling the soreness. I felt lighter yesterday. I feel lighter today. Yeah, I'm a little bit lighter because I cut hair. But it's like it's, it's, it's just a without going through the experience. Just like you were saying a little bit ago, we could someone could have told us these things. Hey, if you go catch your hair, if you do this, it's going to be this way. And we're like, whatever. And until you're ready for it, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's just another seed that's being planted. Every five weeks I get mine cut. So. Gotcha. I am not dealing with that bullshit. It's like gone fired. You're not hanging around on me. Yeah. Nice.

19:39Yeah, so. Um. Just kind of going back to the seeing life now through the eyes of an adult. Now what I will say though is your eyes still matter of the eyes that you're seeing through because if you're still hanging on to all that anger, shame, goat, all the judgments, the criticisms, the fears from what you experienced in childhood, then you're still seeing through those same eyes. And the story hasn't changed. And maybe over the years it's gotten stronger or bigger. And what Bev and I are talking about is we went through several years still going through it. Mind you, we haven't stopped of that mental and emotional and spiritual healing and shifting our perspectives about life and how we view it and how what we may feel like the reason

20:40why we are here or in this physical body. And for each person, we might have similar beliefs, but for each person, I feel like it's a journey for your own inner awareness, your own self connection, spirit connection and whatever that journey looks like for you is what it's going to be. And there's no time limit on that journey. But to know that the journey through that healing process was by no means easy. It was hard. It was one of the hardest things. And I'll also say it was so worth it because the amount of stress that I carried because of the story I was hanging on to about my childhood. Once I moved through some of that healing process and seeing it from a different perspective or empathizing with the adults who were kids themselves having kids, getting impregnated,

21:48having the ability to see through the eyes of compassion and empathy is the... Man, I was a ball of stress constantly, every single of my waking moments. And now it's, if I'm stressed, I notice more when I'm stressed and when I'm... Because being relaxed is my natural state now. And so it's so worth that journey to begin to shift those perspectives and stories. 100%. Got to let it go. You don't have to. Yeah, you don't have to. You're on the other side of this. Then you think, why the hell was I holding on to that story? And all it is is stories. That's why you can have different siblings in the same family. They all have a different perspective. They all have a different perspective on how their parents raised them. They all have one of them, mine not even... I've had people that I've talked to that they're talking about their parents and it's like they were... From when I could hear they were bullied and then the other one thinks that they were bullied by the sister. It's like, well, yeah, well, maybe the parents were bullying your sister, but you didn't

22:52see that. Or maybe that daughter thought she was being bullied by the parents because that was her perspective on things. And maybe the parents thought they were doing their best. Like, they... Why are they taking things so seriously? We weren't so serious about it. There's so much stuff that we carry and it's so unnecessary. It's unnecessary. Man, it's like you're not going to go on a trip to Frickin, Florida or to Hawaii with the same things you're going to go on a trip with to go to Frickin... I can't even... Alaska, I was going to say Arkansas. I'm like, no, not Arkansas, but you wouldn't. Maybe in the temperatures. Yeah, but Alaska. Like, you're not during the winter time. You're not going to have the same clothes. So why would you carry that same luggage around your whole Frickin life? It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense, but I did it. And it hasn't been an easy journey. It was a shitty journey. It's been... There's been some... So much times, it's like you don't even know how you're going to get out from under it. It's like, what am I... Why am I even here still? Like, why am I on this planet? And then it's like, when you waited out, you kind of find out if I were to react to

23:55it in those very moments, I wouldn't be here, which we've talked about. You've talked about. But I wouldn't be here. I would have taken myself out a long time ago, but it's like if you just waited out, if you just sit and feel those feelings, or you just sit and feel those emotions, it doesn't stay the same. It doesn't have control over you. It doesn't have the power over you. And if you find that you're giving all your energy away to something, it's like you're going to get an opportunity to find out that you are giving all your energy away to something else. And you're not creating the things that you want to create. If you feel like you're getting old and you feel like you're... Because this has been my experience. You feel like you're getting old. You're aging super, you know, not super slowly. And all these other things, it's like, where has all your energy gone? My energy was going outside of myself. It wasn't going to me. Occasionally, it would go to me. And now I walk around and I think about how my foot feels on the dirt. I think about how it feels with my skin or my hands, perceiving that from a,

24:57you know, that I can touch things and not from another perspective. Because when you look at it, you can actually see right through us. But it's like I can go out and touch things and I can feel... I can fill the butterflies, wings. I can allow a bead at walk across my skin. I can, you know, all these things that I can do now, that I was afraid of and wouldn't allow before. And it's like it's allowing to be in that space of that now, to feel all those things and to feel the heartache. Because as soon as you... When you fill it, you allow it to be. And you don't try to shove it aside and act like it's some little kid that needs to go sit... I can't deal with you right now. We can't... I can't do that anymore to myself. I... I've... That little girl needs me... needs to be seen. Needed to be seen. And it wasn't by anybody else. It was by me. And quit trying to freaking people please, everybody. So I've recognized those things kind of show up. They still show up here and there. Doing things. It's like, no, now I'm doing these things for me.

25:58I wouldn't cut my hair for myself. I'm doing stuff for my skin for myself. I'm focused on my meditation for myself. I mess around with my guitar for myself. These are... And it's not from a selfish place. It's not from an egoic place. It's from a... I'm giving myself this opportunity to do these things. Period. Because it matters. I have pictures spread out everywhere. Because it matters to me. And that's okay. Yeah. And... Five, 10, 20 years ago. This wasn't the space we were in. No. And I would speak for both of us. Neither one of us were in this space. Everybody else was the main focus. But, you know, when it comes to that, that healing process, that internal healing process, it does feel selfish. And it's okay. Because when you move through all that, then you blossom out in a whole different way of being. And life shifts.

26:58The people around you shift. And... You feel the sense of freedom within yourself. And what else... I'll add to that before we wrap it up is, you know, a lot of us are seeking freedom. And we think it's freedom from job. It's freedom from financial debt. It's freedom from an unhealthy relationship. It's freedom from an unhealthy body. We're seeking freedom in some way. But really, to me, that freedom comes from our mental and emotional state. And when we start healing that, then we are freeing ourselves from the burdens, from the discord, from the emotional heaviness, mental heaviness that we've been carrying for so long. And, you know, we blame our childhoods. It was their fault. Well, let me give you just a little bit of news. You're an adult now. Do something with it. It's not there. They are not going to apologize.

27:59Don't wait for an apology. Don't wait for somebody to come save you. Don't wait for the world to change. Don't wait for anything to outside of you to happen because it is your responsibility now as an adult to make that change within yourself. And nobody else can do it for you. This is yours. This is your timeline. This is your story. And this is your responsibility. It's no different than Beb and I. We had to make that decision. So if you're still seeing your childhood through the eyes of that child, through the eyes of that pain and that fear and that discomfort, then do something with that. Because unless you do something with it, you are going to go to your grave. You're going to take your last breath, hanging onto that baggage, and still feel miserable. And I don't feel that that is what life is meant to be about. So anything to add to that before we wrap up, I would say blame is giving away your power.

28:59You're giving away your power to something. You're saying that something has control over you. You're allowing something else and it's not even the truth. So it's like, stop the blame. Stop the blame and start looking at it. Why is it showing up for me? Why did I have this experience? How can I grow through this? Whatever the question is, you want to ask yourself, why are we doing this? Whatever it is, it's asking yourself these questions so that you're not putting your power out to somewhere else. Because that's just the distraction from you dealing with all these emotions and stuff that are within this vessel. Can I get an amen sister? All right, friends. As Bab said, she needed to be seen. I needed to be seen. And there are other people on us, planet who also want to be seen, but don't know what that looks like. And so, have the conversations or be the resource. Bevan, I come and have these conversations in hopes that it will be beneficial for other people.

30:05And we are resource. And so share the link, share the content, have the conversations, be a light for somebody else who just can't seem to see the full spectrum of light yet. There's always that little bitty peep that, a little bit a pin prick of light that's there, but they just need help expanding it. So, you can find us on many platforms or Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Spotify, podcast, attic, and speaker. So share the links, whether it's us or somebody else who's being a positive influence on you, or helping you and guiding you through your journey of life. And be that for somebody else. So with that, thanks for hanging out with us. Tea time with Amy and Bev. And we will see you next time. Bye.