Avoidant Women, Girly Guys & MACHIKO w Joyce Wrice

0:00Yo, Canal Street Dreams. Welcome back. Very, very special guest this week. Joyce Rice on the show, new album, Machico coming out October 9th. We're excited to talk about this. Tell us about the album. Tell us about the album. Yes, so this is my sophomore album. It took me three and a half years to create this. And I mean, it's just a dream come true to be back. I feel like I take my time with music and it's just so dear to me. So I am now in my 30s and I'm just realizing, okay, this is the woman I'm becoming and what has happened. How can I dig deeper and get closer to my true self? So this album is literally like a glimpse of all of that. No, I love the album and I specifically love the crack the code video. And I love that you're talking about in that way because I do feel like there's a like maturation arc, right? A lot of

1:02times when you listen to music from people in there, let's say even late teens early 20s, the way they speak about relationships. So much of it is about like the meat cue. You know, like, oh, I met this guy or I'm thinking about you, I'm crushing on you and you get into your like mid to late 20s early 30s, you're like, you did some lot more complicated. And when I watched crack the code, I was just like, I love this because the aesthetic of it is very like industry. Yeah. And Natasha always talks about like work goggles. Like when you're at work, people look hotter. But then the content of that song feels much more mature. Like one of my favorite workplace role man says is boom meringue. So very much like boom meringue. Yes. Yes. I realized that I have avoid an attachment style tendencies. So in that album, you could tell too with like the different women and him like, I tend to pull away when things start to feel really good. Not because,

2:04yes, maybe sometimes I want to have my cake and eat it too. Other days though, I'm like, you know, I, yeah, but also too. It's like, oh my god, my life can change. And I'm an only child. And I just grew up very much more independent and pretty self-reliant in a sense. So I have this illusion of self-control, like control. And you know, when you, I mean, you guys are married and you have, you know, she also only child. Okay. It's hard to get space for other people. Yes. It's a big step. And it's just like, I, and this is why we have a son. And I'm like, really, truly want to give him a sibling because being an only child, you're just like, I'm good. Like I just don't really need any people. Like he, he has so many friends. And I talk about this all the time. I'm like, I don't see the utility in friendship. Like I just don't, I like don't. Like I'm like so an only child. I'm so self-reliant. Like everything was just only child's single mom. And I'm just like, I just don't need to talk

3:05to people like this all the time. Like these conversations, a lot of it just feels to me like performance art. And I get it. But I'm just like, I was so like alone in my bedroom. And I'm probably just like severely autistic that I'm like, I just am like, what are we talking about? You know? Yeah. And you know, she has a great relationship with her mother and her mother gave her a lot of the attention and resources she needed. For me was like, I got two brothers. So even when like pork chops hit the table, I remember my mom would always make like six pork chops. And we would all be fighting to get the extra one. You know, like, she's going to eat one. My dad going to eat one. And then there's four more. And whoever finished their pork chop first would get the last extra. So we were always doing shit like that. And I ended up really being comfortable with groups of people, especially like the homies. Yeah. Yeah. Community or yeah. And take care of people. Right. And I have, you know, when she met me, I had tons of homies. A lot of them work

4:06for me. A lot of them were on payroll. And she was just like, you need to be like significantly more selective. Like you're just handing checks out. And you know, she, yeah. She's got me to be more selective. And I feel like I've gotten her to come out of her shell. Yeah. Yeah. That's partnership. It's nice. Yeah. But yeah, I do feel like men just aren't allowed to be only children though. Feels like a thing for the girls. I did. Because you're in that story. But you guys fighting over the pork chops. I'm like, you should be fighting over the poor. Like that's like, you know, like hunter gatherer situations. Like I'm like, I was, I shouldn't have been fighting over a pork chop. That's just not the life for me. Yeah. No, when I meet dudes that are only children, like grown only children men, they like don't know how to move in a group, like in a crew of men. They're like, wait, why isn't anyone looking out for me? And it's like Princess, we're going this way. Which kind of thing? Which like I, when I heard your music, I was so excited. Because I do feel like there's this big gap with R&B just like in general. And even just men now

5:09are not yearners. Do you know? Like it's like I miss the male yearner. Just like in the music, when you feel it, and you're like, this guy loves women. Like just not in like a, and not even in a I want a woman in my life for this, this and that's like I want to give this woman everything because of her presence just uplifts every like I miss that. And I love that in music. And I feel like your R&B world brings us back into that. Which is incredible. Like I love dipping my toe in that world and being like a, a viewer and like just a warrior of that. Which is really fun. Boyer, yes. You're like simping. Yeah. You need that back. You need to simping more. I think too having your heart on your sleeve and the vulnerability of being rejected. I feel like people are a bit afraid of that. And so being a yearner and bearing your soul, it's, it's like, I don't know what's going to happen. Maybe there's artists like that. But there is

6:14like a Leon Thomas now. And Elmine who's from, I swear, people in Europe and London, they're taking over. Yeah. I'm like, music in London is just generally more exciting. Yeah. But I feel you, we need the yearner's back. Yeah. The keep sweats. Yeah. The Joseph. Yeah. Films like I love Joe. Yeah. Yeah. I really miss stuff like that. And yeah, let me ask you, you took a three and a half year break, which I love. I always am suspicious when an artist is like, I got a new book next year. I got a new album. What, what could you have possibly lived in between albums to give me something that marinated in you for like maybe 20 years, the first album? But like, was there anything that happened in that three and a half years that was like, really helped you mature and evolve your music? I mean, I moved to LA from San Diego to do music. And I wasn't the type of

7:18person like growing up as a kid. I wasn't like, I'm going to be a singer. I just knew I had a love for music and the voice. And I also grew up dancing. And I kind of fell into that and became good at it. So when I moved to LA to do music, it really had a lot to do with my community encouraging me to go into it. I, and I, I just grew up around parents who were like, that's not a realistic career. So it was just something I was always a little hesitant about. So I think I just take my time and I really need time to think about how I'm going to do it. What do I have to say? I'm just very intentional. And I grew up listening to artists who have three to four year gaps in between their albums. So when I, when my first album came out, it was a pretty big success.

8:18And I had toured and did festivals. So a lot just happened and I didn't give myself the process to soak it in. And then again, yeah, I was just like, okay, what do I have to say now? What do I want to talk about? Sonically, what do I want to do? I had no idea. And so I just, it was more so not fully a break, but just, okay, let me get in with this producer, these writers. Let me go to Brazil. We want to go to Brazil. Yeah, I sound like it's a privilege. I'm grateful I got to do. But I was like, let me do a solo trip. I love to travel. I love to immerse myself in other culture and other cultures. So I just lived. And I also saw someone tweet, can someone break Joyce Rice's heart again so we can get new music. And I was thinking, I'm like, you know, yes, a lot of my music is about being heartbroken and maybe taking the crumbs from people. But also, I'm actually

9:22single most of the time. And so I realized, let me, let me develop my storytelling more so that people can get to know more of me, basically. So that's what this album is about. It feels like the other side of me that I haven't shown. And I realized, oh, you haven't really shown people more of who you are, which is, you know, I personally don't want to be distracted emotionally by all the things that come with being in a relationship and dating. But also, I do want to get married and have kids. And I won't, and my parents won't grant kids. So it's like, okay, let me work on this part. So I gave myself a lot of time to become more self aware about me instead of always talking about what he did to me. Does that make sense? No, that makes a lot of sense. Totally makes sense. And like, how did, how did dating and relationships change for you after the first album?

10:22Because that's always like a huge pivot for me. Yeah. I mean, I learned a lot about how I have people pleasing tendencies. I more so realize I hesitate. Like, I just don't fully let them in. There's a wall. Yeah, because I'm like, what are you going to do with this information? Or how are you going to use that against? You know, I just, I can be jaded. So I'm like, okay, I have to grow in that in order to truly experience a healthy relationship too. So I mean, I was mostly single and not really entertaining many people. But I, yeah, I did have a few situations that I didn't talk about in my music. So I did that for this album, which is like maybe leading somebody on for too long or pulling back when something feels really good or, you know, no realizing, no, I'm not

11:24into this and really cutting it off instead of letting things drag or sometimes feeling bad for the person or giving too much time. So I, yeah, I, I just went through a lot of those things. So Natal is just speaking on behalf of the coalition of avoidant women. Are you? I think it's my truth. Like I think I might be like, camp leader. Yeah, yeah. So what are you? You, you know, you don't want to take mail like, you told me, you told me. No, I mean, I'm like the third fiance. Okay. I want notoriously like tattoos on the neck of names, like whatever that is, you know, like we don't, I don't even know if that's a void and I don't know what that is. Like I don't know. I don't even know what you self-identify us. I don't even know if it's like you're we're all this one thing, whatever. But I, I, yeah, there's like I sometimes I'm like a blend. Yeah, anxious avoidant. There's all these things. Yeah. I'm the, I'm the guy like, you know, if you walk into a ball food court and someone's like, yeah, you want to try bourbon chicken,

12:26I'm, I'll try the bourbon chicken. You know, I will try the sample at every group. All right. That's where we get in trouble because we're so similar that way. I'm like, fuck yeah, like pre sample five. Okay. We're excited. But I think that I don't know. I think we most both might be avoidant. I'm definitely avoidant. Well, no, I think that I really give people a chance. But I in my mistakes and relationships, my issue was I'm like, all the cards are on the table. Okay, all your cards are on the table. And I'm probably the worst. Oh, I don't love that card. I don't know if that card is going to work with these cards. And I would just like openly, like talk about it and have it out. And I think she broke me of something. It's like, if you sometimes there's things that you don't need to say out loud. Yeah, like if it doesn't create value. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't have to tell something like I, even when I broke up with people at times,

13:26I would like write an email. I would be really like thorough because they would keep saying like, I want to know why. I want to know why. I'm like, all right, well, if you want to know why, why? And they're like, fuck you. You know, every single person was like, you've said too much, sir. And I was like, Oh, and with Natasha, I've learned to say less and do it through action. And there's just certain things that probably was not my domain or not, not my place to talk about. You know, and I think that was maturity for me. I think he had a really cool. He always talks about how he had a 90 day rule. So like dating for 90 days. And if at the end of the 90 days, that just clearly like wasn't his person, that would end it. Which I think is very cool. Yeah. Three months. Because I think if you're dating somebody for three, you can put on an act for two. You can put on an act for two. I just think like, you'll see like a little slip. Yeah. Like I think you'll see a sliver. Like something will happen in 90 days where you can

14:26either say, Oh, maybe that was just a bad day or you can be like, that's who you really are. And I think you were really good at being like, no, I think that that's who you really are. The universe gives you signs totally. People do show you their cards. And I think in the early months, like the first three months, you have to pay attention to what the person is showing you. But it's so hard. I noticed for some people, yeah, it's like, what glasses do you have on? I noticed in the past, I'd be like, why I want to know. And sometimes like, you don't need to know. You don't need to know. You don't need to know. Because what I needed in my life, that person doesn't need to be. I think a lot of the criticisms I had in relationships with ships with certain people was there were certain things about them that didn't fit for me, but were great for them. And they should keep those things in traits and like, who am I to have an opinion about that? But I think that's like maturation as a man as like a really old millennial.

15:29You know, it's just things that we've learned over time culturally. Like there should be a water's edge to your criticism of somebody. That's what I've had to learn. You know, and like, I was in a family with three boys and a very loud critical mom. So I'm good at taking criticism. Yeah, Natasha gives me things to work on all the time, but not everybody's like that. No, not everyone can handle that. Yeah. I'm not giving her things to work on. I don't think that that's true at all. I've been on the receiving end of many emails being like, emails. What does it mean? I love these emails. He's full of shit. He'll email me. He'll email all the things that I need to fix to work on. I'd be like, this is what you got to do. I'm like, all right. No, I will email. I will be clear because then there's like, listen, I'm just saying, nobody wants to see a fucking email from him coming. Literally no one, no one, no one. So you see that? I agree. If you see like a no subject email from him,

16:29don't open it. Just go on a walk. Go have a nice day. Like enjoy your last day of peace. Wait, so what happened to phone calls, text messages in person? I was him in his pen. Usually what happens is no, I will phone call out in person. But then it becomes argumentative. Okay, so we need them. And I'm just like, look, I'm just going to make this real clear. And you can return to email and I will receive it. And there we go. Yes, it's a lawyer in him. I used to be a lawyer. I saw it. Yeah. I think it has helped at times though. Oh, I'm not saying it hasn't. I've listened. You've led up on me. So I'm just like for other people when I see you like, fire figures, that thing, like when I see the email going for somebody else, I'm just like, God bless, have a nice day. You know, I say a little prayer for them. I'm like, I hope they're okay today. Because today, it's not me. I'm screaming. No, it's funny though. Yeah, so how have people crack the code for you too though? Oh, that's a good question. I just had a strategy for most of my life where I was

17:33really easy for me to, if I didn't want to get too close, like I knew the play for myself and how to like keep somebody right where I felt good and safe. That's literally me. Yeah. Like it's just like, okay, you're right there and I'm right here. And like there might be moments where like I would be like, I want to pull you closer, but I can put you back there. And you don't have to like, like cohabitating with people was always freaky to me. I never made my place. I've never. Yeah. Like it's like, I'll go stay at your place. Yeah. But like, I don't even want you in my bed. I found this so attractive about her though. Yeah. She was like so skilled at creating boundaries and all these things. It's almost like someone who's really good at spreadsheets. Yeah. She's so good at it in relationship. And it's funny because it's a similar skill. Like, I'm very clear with words and an email. Like, I'm very structured and tactical about how I speak about things. You're tactical about your space with people and your relationship dynamic. And there was a James

18:37Blake song. You ever heard that song all come to? No. It was just about James Blake being like, oh, you're going there all come to all come to. And that's what I did with her. She would be like, that was a great weekend in LA. I'm going to go to Boston. I would make up fake work. Like, oh, my God, I'm like here for a meeting. Can you believe that? Oh, my God. I'm going to open a restaurant here. Yeah. That's crazy. I was like, what about Bob just like showing up? Hey, what's going on? Oh, you're in New York? No way. I also have business there. But of course, I was so skilled that I would be like, oh, my God, I already left. You just landed. I just left. That's crazy. Yeah. She made a date with me on level in New York and left and went back to Massachusetts. And I was at the restaurant. But you come and she's like, oh, my God, I left. I was like, you're the worst. You're the worst cat mouth. Yeah. Yeah. But it stayed after it. But there's something like fun about that. And it wasn't intentional. And it was very early on in our dating history. And like, it was, we weren't locked in at that point. And I think like once we did,

19:37it obviously changed when you realize, okay, this is the person I really enjoy spending time with. And like, I'm going to take serious. But yeah, I don't think that there was many instances in which I took a person serious. I think I would, you know, there's like a funny like, um, TikTok that goes around and it's a girl being like, I love you, baby. I love you. I love you. And she's like, while I'm like playing this man on the phone right now, like while I don't give a fuck. And like, that was the vibe. But yeah, I think there just comes a point where you let your walls down and your vulnerable. And you realize, wow, I'm okay. Yeah. And then you can get on the other side and just kind of not change your, I don't think I've changed entirely. I still think I have avoidant patterns. But like, I've really let you in and embraced it. Obviously now we're like married and have a child and things have like our relationship has really matured over the years. But it took time. I was like rocky and bumpy at first. And I

20:40remember just kind of like having a realization one day that I was like, if I want this person in my life, like I actually have to do the work on myself and notice when I'm having those moments of like creating a problem because I want him to push me away because I don't want the responsibility of having to do it. And then why do I even want that to happen? Is this really what I want? Or am I just like falling into old patterns and like, how do I break out of this? So it's really then you're in your own mental labyrinth and you're like, in your own, you're like bumping against the walls of your own. Maybe it's trying to get out literally. How does someone crack through it for you? I learned, oh, you kind of don't trust yourself in relationships. If you're being this strategic and I think for me, because I grew up only child, my dad was in the Navy. So and then it was me and my mom and my dad, we didn't move with him. So it was my mom a lot, my mom and I a lot. I realized I just really care about my independence. And then I realized I have a tendency to maybe not

21:44lose myself in relationships, but you know, just important to still do the things you want to do. Maybe there's this little fear of losing that part of me. With Natasha, I will say like as an analogy, it was like she in conversation or text messages, things like that would show me glimpses of like who she really was with the wall down for like quick moments, like maybe like three texts at a time. And I would pay attention. And I think it's like to date a woman who is avoidant and putting up walls. She basically communicating to you, I'm a little nervous, I'm a little scared. This isn't what I do. And if she's even entertaining it, she's interested in you. Yes. And I think the thing I had to, if I was my own like basketball coach, I would just tell myself she's into you. She's into you. You got to know that. And that's why these walls and behaviors are coming up. And she wasn't into you. One, she wouldn't be talking to you. And two, she wouldn't be so

22:46diligent and intentional about negotiating space with you. Yes. And I was just like wait, wait. And I would just shoot my shot when I saw the moment and like make up fake business to meet up with her. And as I've been in relationship with you, what I realize is like if you're having a rough day or something's up, show poke me, show push me. And I have to be like neo matrix and be like didn't see it. Didn't hear that. You're like dodging. Yeah. Oh good brother. Oh good. And it's just like don't hang on to any of it. Yeah. Because ultimately, she'll run out of energy doing that. And she will tell me why she's having a day. And that is always that in this funny way, I'm like that's my reward. It's like I get to know why these things are happening. And I'm here for that. Because this is like my favorite movie to watch. Yeah. And I think that's when you say like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're just going to you, you, you, you use when you're down, you don't believe

23:52that anyone cares enough to be there with you when you're down. That's it. That's true. Yeah. And I do. And like, you got to see all sides of me. That I really relate to you on though, was like I grew up in a house just only child. My mom, my dad worked away a lot when I was young and then they divorced. And then it was just me and my mom. And I think that there's something about and I can't speak for you, but for me, especially when we had our son, it was like hard for me to make room for him. Because I just was like, I've like never seen a family operate with a man. And so I was like, I don't even know your form and function here. Like I've only seen, I really didn't. And like I've told you this so many times, like it was confusing to me because he'd be like, let me help. How can I help? And I'm like, I don't, I can just, I only saw my mom do everything. I never saw like a team or never saw like two parents. And so I think for me subconsciously, I went through my life just, I didn't know how to be a pair or a team with anyone. I was just like, I'm going to

24:54be mean if I like a person, it's like fun for me. Like it's like almost like getting a pet. I was like, okay, cool. I'm going to like have a cat or a dog for a little bit. And then I'll move on. But I just didn't know how to really like merge in the way that a real team merges. Because there's no example. Yes, there's just. Yes. And you can see movies, but I'm like, that's to me fake. I'm like, okay, like that's not even really how two people have a relationship. And so I was just like operating from zero, I think, when it came to relationships. Honestly, not watching movies and things helps a lot of times. Because I think where I struggled was like my parents were terrible models, like terrible model of like a relationship. I would watch movies, I would read books and be like, Oh, that's how you're supposed to treat me like, I watched love and basketball over and over being like, okay, that's how you do this. That's how you don't do this. And then you get in relationships and like no one fits any of these films. These are like made up ideals. And I think once I threw the book out and throughout expectation,

25:59and was just like, what works for us like this week? It was our son's birthday. Natasha did the best she was hanging up like spider man's around the house and like sent us there. She created like a whole fun house for him. And she's doing it. And I'm like, Yo, can I help out? She just looks at me and did not say a word and goes, Mom, I think you know how to do this. And just like, curve me and I was like, that's fine. I can work on my fantasy football team. I just worked on my fantasy. But our relationship works like that. Cause I'm like, heard, heard chef. Cause I'm in a kitchen too. Chef's just curve people all the time. Like chef, anything to do, no, get out of here. Heard chef. You know what? I'm just like that. That's a good analogy. I would like say what they're not trying to like famously is just I make money. This is what I'm going to I do that. So fantasy football. Yes. Go make my run it up. I want these boys. Fantasy basketball. Thank you. She says me to work, which I like. She's a go make us somebody. Yeah. That's your job. That's your money. Yeah.

27:00Haley spider man. She's going to open all his gifts. We need to like replenish that fun. You know what I'm saying? I'm a working dog. She's like, you're not that useful here. Go over there. Yeah. I'm deep in the sports. But it's good. You ask. Yeah. He knows to ask. He knows. He's really good. He's good. I've been trained. I wouldn't like. Yes. But that's also a thing. It's like you kind of like do I mean, I don't know. I feel like you do have to train a man a little bit. Especially you're like I for so many reasons was so clear that you're my person. And then I was like, we got to like do just a little six week bootcamp. Oh yeah. Also for women like y'all if a man wants a date, a put together successful women like both of you, it's like you got to know you're walking into a business that already works. I can't become an like, you know, we should move this and do this. I like, nah. Like she runs the show. She's the boss. This puts something in my mind that I want to ask you. Do you feel like men now sometimes like want to be the girls in the relationship?

28:04Because it's like, okay, yes, put together a successful like I like to come and I'm like, cool, I have a fit like my makeup done, like whatever my nails, my hair, like I enjoy all of that. And I feel like spiritually men now are like, I'm like, do you what is going on? You spiritually, you're being the girls. And like you're the prize. And I have to court you. And I have to get you flowers. I have to make you feel special. I, I, what is that? That's the, that is a big challenge with us. I know a lot of my friends feel the exact same way. I like don't get it. I don't know what it is either. I feel like if a shorty sees a man with like Bobby socks or a van cleafsaw, you got to run. The vancars run. Yeah, the, yo, don't get that man with the van cleafsaw. Go give that to your girl. Yes, go give it to, is he in the Ross? Is he on the roster? No,

29:05I hate to, you know, no judgment. No, it's okay. No judgment, but that is not my type. No, no. I don't, yeah, I really, I don't know what it is. Yes. What do you think it is? I don't know. I don't know. But I just, it's like such a departure. And that's why I talk about the R&B of it all. And it's like, I just, we're probably similar age grew up like listening to Jodasie and like one 12. Yeah. And just like a man like, it could be so in his feminine energy, like wind blowing shirt open, like, yeah. But also like, I love the girls. And like, I'm down for the girls. And I'm going to give you a fabulous experience. Like so much rap music, which is like, I'm going to take you shopping and all the fuck out on you and blow a bag. And like, we're going to go here, here, here, here, and here and name every designer. And then we're going on the PJ and then I'm going to take you to the beach. And I live on the beach. You no panty lines, bitch. And now it's like, Oh, you take, where do you live? Where you take me? What does your family do? Are you rich? And it's like, what? I feel like there's a shift happening.

30:07I'm on TikTok and I'm, and maybe it's just my algorithm. But it seems like, yeah, a lot of us women are very single. Some of us celibate, abstinence, or just like, no one's fuckable. You know, like, it's just tricky. And I think maybe as women, we've come to this place where we're not lowering our standards and giving people chances and maybe being the nurture or like, you know, our natural motherly tendency. Maybe before that, we were giving too much grace to some of these men, which is maybe why they've become this way. I'm not saying it's fully our fault. But we also live in a patriarchal society. So I think now that we're, we're not desperate. And I'm not, but some of us,

31:08we're not desperate or we're just not, we know we can, we're okay with our own company and being on our own until we find that person. I feel like there's a shift happening. That's our protest. Yes. I really think I saw it after, during the pandemic and after, is it like, and I think it started with me too in a very positive way. Women or an empatrials, our whole society, it took forever for this movement to happen. And it's very important. Like, we need it, right? But I think there are a lot of young men that instead of stepping up and actually like becoming men, thoughtful men, and like thinking about all of the things that me too has been trying to teach people, they're like, I can just, if I just start doing this and I start virtue signaling and I got the van cleafs on, and I'm just like, one of the girls, that is an easier way to slide in because I had a home boy when I was dating her. Like, he was, he was my wingman. And one day she goes, yo, I gotta tell you, he's, he's a girl. He's one of us. He is just running our game on other women. And I was the first

32:13time I'd seen it. I was like, oh, that's what he's doing. It's like, he's like, I'm a catch fish with fish. You know what I'm saying? And I think that's what a lot of the girl, the girly, the girly boy is doing is they're just like, instead of like, it's too hard to be me. And then also like, be the man you want. So why don't I just become an echo chamber with a penis? He was so fun to gossip with, though. Like, he was so fun. I'm sorry. My man better not be like that. But sure, my friend, my, yeah. Like, he, that's why I was like, he was like, yeah, like, he, I remember, specifically, there was like some like drama happening at like your birthday or something and he came over. And I, it was like, I was like, we had, we just talked shit for three hours together. Like, you're my girl. You know, I was like, this is my home girl, my best home girl. He would get friendly with girls and like, talk about the things they were into and key key. Yeah. And then like, try to make out them. I'm like, dog, this is crazy game. He didn't work on me, but I can see it working on many. He worked on a couple of home groceries. But I think there's an element too. It's like that saying,

33:15what do they say? Hard times make strong men, strong men, make easy times, easy times make weak men. And I know I like completely destroyed that. But there's a much more elegant way to say it. And I do think that we're just at that moment where times have been so easy. And like, in a general sense, right? Like, we look at our like hierarchy of needs. People pretty much have their needs met and like have for a really long time. And things aren't so difficult. But I think people have really like, softened up. And I think the things that maybe women are looking for, or at least serious women dating that do want to be married and have children are, I'm looking for somebody who can, and obviously women can do this as well. But I think if you're looking for a partner, you're looking for somebody who you can like trust, provide lead in certain situations, especially if you're like, okay, if I go through something, I want to know that you can take care of this. Or if you go through something like, why I can take care of this. And I think that that element is missing in a lot of men, or at least they don't move with that.

34:19Like they don't present with that. It's a lot of kind of like, it's just kind of like birds in the wilderness. Like I got pretty feathers. And you're like, but when our houses on fire, like, can you help me? Like do you know where the fire extinguisher is? And they're like, no, but I'm going to put your jeans on. I was like, that's crazy. I'll never forget. I was, I mean, this isn't someone that I was interested in. But just the fact that he didn't know how to put air in his tires. Yes. I was like, I was, I think I was dropping him off. No, dropping him off. But we were, we were working. And I don't know why he was in my car. I don't know if I was taking him to his car or we had gotten food. My tire was low on air. I'm just a girl. But I'm just a girl who knows how to put the tire, put the air back in the damn tires. But when I pulled up to the gas station and I was like, okay, I got to put air in my tires. He was like, you know how to do that? And I'm like, bitch. Look, I can't change a fire alarm,

35:21but I could put air in a tire. You're fine because you just like pay for it. Like if I needed to get air in my tires, he'd be like, I'll just buy you a new car. And I'd be like, cool. So that's fine. Thank you. I know my responsibilities are, even if I can't do it myself, I know I need to serve. I know when I need to show up and do mansion. Yeah. It's fine. Yes. I think if you can't do it, you need to be like, we'll pay somebody to do it and you will find them and organize it. And that's now your duty. But there is something that I think about often and like, we'll laugh to the point where I'm crying. And I don't know who said it, but it was this girl. And she was like, why was I driving with this dude? He couldn't fucking like parallel park. It was something like he couldn't parallel park. And he was asking her like, can you parallel park? And she was just like, she was like, I will get me the fuck out of this car. Like I'm leaving you here. And that is so like, there's nothing worse than when I'm just like, you're, I can't be around that. I can't like, I will leave you. I will get out of the car and I will go on the highway. Like I can't. Was that something she was dating? I think so.

36:24I don't know. I'll send you the video and think, why am I driving? Oh, she said he couldn't parallel. Yeah, they're driving. They're like on a date and he's like, oh, I can't like get in the spot. I can't like parallel park. Can you get out? Like, can we switch? You get out and you do it? If I was in Valle, you just go, I just believe we like the restaurants close. We're going somewhere else. And then in your mind, be like, okay, I got to learn how to parallel. I have literally, when we lived in LA, I have literally like texted somebody, be like, I'm not coming because I couldn't like parallel park. I was like, I'm going home. Sorry. See you later. But I'm a girl. I'm just a girl and I could if I wanted to, but I don't want to. You know, I'm just like, I don't want to. I don't want to do this to take. Yeah. Yeah. But I, yeah, I think for me, when you were saying crack in the code, right? Like creating a safe space where I feel, I just need to be, I know, I noticed that I, I have to like give myself, okay, that this feels good, this feels safe. He feels like genuine. And yeah, like genuinely cares about me. And I just have

37:32to, I'm like, I, I just have to give myself baby steps to get there and feel that. And it feels good that way. It might take months. It's worth it though. And it's worth it. Yeah. For sure. People that are really protecting and feel it. Yeah. I'm like, okay. You know, that's what it takes for me. Yeah. You might thinking we'd avoid it. Women has always been no one's going to guard some shit that's worthless. Right. You know, it must be worth guarding if you guarding it. That's true. You know, I like that. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's no brings truck for a business is failing. You know, it's true. You're not pulling the brings truck up to a failing business. So I'm like, if there's this much security, she must be fired. I don't give this shit to nobody. Yeah. That's what I got to tell men dating avoid women is just like, yo, that shit must be fired. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I know too, like I have to do my part still. You know,

38:34I feel like the next album or just writing wise, I love, I've been using it as an outlet for me to get to that place. It feels very therapeutic and I like the visual. I really love that crack the code video. I kind of want to see you as this avoidant female character more in like videos for this album and stuff. Because it's like an interesting character, you know, trying to think there was the woman was in boomerang. Oh, Robin Givens. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And then he moves on and then you're like, actually, I do want you. I've been there. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because there's nothing like more attractive than somebody who liked. Yeah. Well, I also find that this is like a phenomenon. The most attractive is your fat ass husband. Just for the record. Hold on. Hold on. Let me finish. I'm saying I've noticed a trope. Yeah. But it's just, no, I think

39:37like it's the same thing as like work goggles. Like people are hotter at work. And I also think like people are hotter when somebody else is like, I want that. It's like, what? Me too. Yeah. I said I did first. And I know I love it. I love it. Speaking about restaurant, all right. So I know you worked in a Japanese restaurant. I did. Which one was it? K. So K hyping Z. Oh, okay. Suci restaurant in downtown Culver City. Right next to the Trader Joe's. Oh my god. I knew this one. I used to live on Washington. Washington and Cochrane. Yeah. And a lot of people take meetings there. Yeah. A lot of artists would come in. That's where I met. I was hosting. It was very early on. And I met Donald Glover and his manager, fam there. Yeah. Like Zane Low would come and take meetings to or just Smith came. So it's, it was like a hot spot. But it closed down. I think 14, 15 years in after COVID. Yeah. But yeah, I worked there. And it was such a great spot for

40:43me because it's family owned. Yeah. So I could go on tour. Yeah. I could literally find a cover. And they, they really supported me. I used to go there. We know it. And she also, she also went in a labred at Trader Joe's. I did. That's right. Joe's is popping. Yeah. It wasn't that one. Yeah. Yeah. It's a different one. But there's the air one now. It's changed. Wait, really? Amazon is there, I think. Whoa. Yeah. Like in Culver City? Yeah. And there's a mall, like a support. There's the mall pretty much. Oh, wow. Real fancy now. Yeah. We haven't been in Culver City in like a year and a half. So. Longer than I am. Well, I have Niggie Joyce Rice Niggie Rapp and Fire for you. I want to know your favorite Niggie. Okay. All right. Hamachi or Kanpachi. Hamachi? Hamachi. Hamachi is kind of soft. Yeah. Amberjack. Amberjack. I'm more Hamachi yellowtail. Okay. Hamachi or Hirame, Flowne. Hirame. Hirame or Hotati. Scallop. Oh, I scallop. It's a bit more tender. This is good. She's good. I'm a touchy, texturized person.

41:49Okay. I got some for you in the Hotati or Uni. So you're like scallop probably more. Yeah. Uni's mushy. Yes. I really want to grow. I really want it to grow on me though. Mm-hmm. You weren't or not. It doesn't have to be your favorite. I think you know, you need to be a bit of a raider. Yeah. I think it's a lightly overrated like caviar. Yeah. You know, Hotati or Amaiibe. Yeah. Ah. This was good. Amaiibe with the fried shrimp head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the soup. Yeah. And if it's live and the shrimp still twitching inside, you know, you kind of got to go Amaiibe. Yeah. Amaiibe or King Medi. Golden Ice Napper. Golden Ice Napper hands down my favorite. It's like a little smoky, right? Yes. That's my favorite. Same. I only have one more that you make. Okay. King Medi or Kohara. Gizard Shia. King Medi. King Medi. Okay. As sushi. Yeah. Gizard. I like Gizard like Yakitori style. Mm-hmm. King Medi or Toro.

42:51King Medi. Toro's like basic. It's not that it's basic. I think for me, it's a bit, um, it's rich. Very rich. Yeah. Yeah. Very rich. Very anxious. Yeah. Okay. King Medi or Chutoro. Amaii Chutoro or Hormaguro. Chutoro is in the middle, right? Yeah. Chutoro. I'm open to. Okay. I'm just I'm a King Medi. King Medi. Okay. King Medi or Ajie. Horse Macro. And King Medi. Last one. This is one of my favorite King Medi or Sabah. Macro. Okay. I love fishy fishy. Sabah. I'm still King Medi down. You can't follow that. King Medi is fire. Yeah. It's the smokiness. Yeah. The only reason I go Sabah is because the greatest bite of food, I think I've ever had top three bite of food was sushi sin in Tokyo when Sabah was in season early January.

43:52I was just like, this is crazy. Like, if you get macro in season, it's delicious. Out of control. Yeah. Out of control. I broil a lot of macro. Yes. That's my favorite. Yeah. I would say to eat it. That's my favorite over sushi. Agreed. Yeah. Agreed. But I, I'm a fit. I love. You know, you know fish. That was impressive. Thank you. That restaurant. Because prior to that, I didn't really know sushi because my mom is so I she hasn't shared this with me at which I still want to know, mom. But my mom is really terrified of raw food. I think she had a really bad experience. So I didn't grow up eating raw food. But I grew up with a father who and my mom too, but they're just so open about food. So my dad loves sushi. So when I started working at the restaurant, obviously, I needed to know what the fuck I was talking about. So I got to try a bunch of shit. And they're also,

44:52it's like a French blend too. So it was really fun working there. And so I got to taste everything. And Kimit, I was my favorite. And so when I went to Japan to be with my family, and I have a aunt, uncle in Tokyo, Mitaqa, they took me to like Omaka said, really top spot. So when they asked, asked me what I wanted. And I said, Kimit, I and all these things, they were like, how the fuck do you know that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's impressive. Yeah, they were like, we don't even, you know, so it's, it's fun. Now, yeah, I love that I know a lot of sushi because of that. Yeah, you know, that was, that was impressive. We have to go eat somewhere. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I miss this. Like, I will say that that is one thing I miss. We don't really eat a lot of sushi in New York. Okay, yeah. It was really good sushi here, but I do feel like we don't go to any Omakase. Is there a little bit more like expensive in New York? I feel like in LA, you can get a really good Omakase and affordably. Yeah. Kind of like regularly. Yeah. But I find that we just don't do that in New York.

45:55So I do miss that about LA. LA, you get some in amazing Omakase, or I like to go to sushi again. Jen, I like to go to sushi again in the Honda Center. Because you could be in and out of there for like 150 bucks a person. Incredible. I have a style. Oh, yeah, I feel like people have brought that up to me. There's also Gardina and Torrance, which is heavily Japanese and you could get some really delicious. Torrance is the best. Torrance is the best. I went to sushi school there for like a few weeks. It was really fun. See, I was reading about I'm like, I need to live my life more. You just like, everything. Yeah, I think I don't know. I just like curious about things. No saying wherever my curiosity takes me. I'm like, I cool. I don't overthink it. Yeah. This is random, but like, I grew up with a dad who loves motorcycles. So I found like a woman's motorcycle school in Long Beach. It's two days. They provide the bike. Oh, it's amazing. Okay, I want to try this. Yo, we got to

46:56send your mom there. Yeah, my mom would like to like as a birthday present. We should say it was two days. I think like five hours outdoor writing. Okay. And it's women led. Yeah, which is fun. You know, just for yeah, I will. She would really. Yeah, this is incredible. This is like her dream. She wants to do that. She, I think she wants a man. That's a biker. That's her thing. I want to say that's a part of I wrote that. I'm like, I don't want to compromise on this. Yeah, like, I think that's she wants. I think that random. No, it's good. It's bad. It's like, yes, I want to be in the back of your bike on the back of your bike. Because I don't want to write. You got to motorcycle on your other video too. Yeah, it's kind of yeah, because of that. Also, I felt my mom, my mom actually might be the president of avoidance. Like, hasn't had a man like divorce my dad and like never had another man. Like never claimed anyone publicly or around me. Like I never even was like, I'm going on a date. I'm sure she has, but like has never communicated that to me. And the way that I see it is like she, I think, envisions this man who she lives in New England. So like, I think like she envisions this man

48:01who like comes from Maine and is like doing the drive down the coast for the summer and like just like pops into her town for like a month and then just goes away on his motorcycle. I think that's like really what it is. And I'm like, I see that like I see it. Because when she says she's like, I want this guy. He was a bike. And it's like, kind of like wearing his like leather jacket. And has like she'll explain him. And I'm like, he is in town for a month. My DJ literally has like my DJ's mom literally is that world. I like that. I like that. I ride bikes and I'm motorcycle club and they they're on it. This is the gateway to your mom's man. We're better. This is like, yeah, we'll be in her together. I want that. Yes. Yes. So we're going to now we got to really be on it. Avoiding girls by school club is fire. I mean, it's literally a vehicle. We are literally getting away. We're like, goodbye. Like this goes fast. I love it. I love it. Actually, it's a good no two. I could say this. Avoiding girl by club. It's like it brought it. I could do that

49:05for like a video. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See ya. Yes. This is an amazing. This was an amazing episode. Thank you. Thank you. Of course. Thank you. I gotta show you. Next time for music. Let me see.