3 Signs Fear of Failure is Hurting Your Performance

0:00Welcome to the Success Starts Within Podcast, a podcast dedicated to teaching you all the tools and techniques you need to master the mental game and take your performances to the next level. Here's your host Eli Straw. There are three signs you want to look out for that signal fear is controlling your game, and that's what we're going to cover in today's episode. Hey there, I'm Eli Straw, a mental performance coach who works with athletes from around the world within a structured 12 week mental coaching program. Fear of failure involves the fear of making mistakes, the fear of messing up. It's one of the most common mental game challenges that athletes experience because nobody wants to mess up and the higher you go, the more pressure you feel, the more consequences there are attached to failing. And it's in those consequences where we truly see this fear develop. So the first sign that you might be experiencing fear of failure is that you play more cautiously

1:03in games than you do in practice. A lot of athletes will experience this disconnect where during practice they play great. They're playing freely, they make quick decisions, they make aggressive decisions, you know, they're just playing much better. But then during games, it's almost as though they are a completely different person. They are playing cautiously, they're hesitating, they're holding themselves back. I remember when I was first getting started with mental coaching and I was working with a soccer player and I've used this this term ever since he and I worked together because very early on in our time together, he shared with me that he constantly feels like he's playing with his foot on the break. And that's something that every athlete who plays with the fear of failure feels. Because when we play with fear, we are holding ourselves back because the fear of failure involves me not wanting to mess up or, you know, fail or embarrass myself or whatever

2:05it might be. And so what my brain is going to do is try to seek to keep me safe, seek to avoid by trying to avoid these different situations where I could mess up, I'm being more cautious. It's almost like you're tiptoeing, you know, you don't want to mess up, you're trying to just play it safe, but unfortunately that leads to more underperforming. So if you do find yourself playing cautiously right now during games, but during practice, you're playing freely, you feel better, you feel less pressure, you feel like you're more yourself out there, that is a sign that fear of failure is controlling your game. The second sign is that you can't stop thinking about what could go wrong. You know, before the game, you think of all the different negative consequences. During the game, after you make a mistake, you start to just create all these different scenarios in your head in terms of all the people who are mad at you. What's going to go wrong if you make another mistake? And then after the game, you might do the same thing, thinking about what will happen if you continue to mess up, moving forward.

3:07You can't really have the fear of failure if we don't see a lot of negatives attached to messing up. In other words, the consequence of messing up is what we're truly afraid of. And since we are afraid of that consequence, we're going to think and think and think and think about all these different things that could go wrong. I just started working with a tennis player and she was sharing with me that before matches, she is just consumed with thoughts of what could go wrong. But everything that's in her head involves negatives that will occur if she loses, if she messes up from, you know, parents being mad at her to people not thinking she's good to her, you know, to her rating dropping, just everything is on her mind. And it doesn't go away as she plays. It only leads to more frustration if she makes a mistake and further fuels her fear. Athletes who play with the fear of failure are consumed with thoughts of what could go wrong because it's what could go wrong that is the scariest. But what ends up happening is this feeds back into that first challenge or the first sign

4:11that I was mentioning of playing cautiously because the more I think of everything that could go wrong, the more I'm motivated to try to avoid it. But when I'm motivated to avoid messing up, that doesn't mean that I'm going to play aggressively. In fact, it means I'm almost guaranteed not to play aggressively, not to play free really, not to make quick decisions because I'm cautious, I'm hesitating, I'm scared, I'm trying to keep myself safe. A golfer I just started working with said something really interesting on a coaching call the other day. We were talking about times when he feels more fear versus times when he feels more confident. It's typically the difference between early and around and later and around early and around. He tends to start off playing really well, but then he shifts into this fear mindset where he's afraid of having his performance go down hill. So then when he steps up to certain shots, he thinks more about what he doesn't want to go, well, what he doesn't want to have go wrong and how he doesn't want his play

5:13to go down hill rather than hitting a good shot. And I was asking him, when that happens, what is more important to you, avoiding something going wrong or hitting a good shot, and he said, well, hitting a good shot isn't even something I think about because that doesn't even seem to matter at that moment. The only thing that matters is avoiding negative and avoiding a negative and not messing up, not hitting it into a bad spot. But the funny part is hitting a good shot is the top priority still because that will help him avoid those negatives, but you see how fear completely morphs the way we think about our game. So now just doing the right things, doing well isn't even a concern. It's just simply, I need to avoid messing up at all costs. So this feeds into the third sign that you're playing with the fear of failure. And it's that you're going to leave games feeling frustrated and disappointed in yourself. And it's not necessarily because you're making a lot of mistakes. It absolutely could be a lot of baseball players and softball players.

6:16If they're playing in the fear in the field, they'll make more mistakes when they have fear because in softball and baseball, you don't necessarily get the option to just pass the ball off quickly or not call for the ball. It's not your choice when you know when the ball is hit to you. So a lot of fielders, when they feel fear, they'll start thinking, you know, I hope the ball's not hit to me. So then when the ball is hit to them, they're not ready. So there's a step behind and that ends up causing them to make an error. But what I'm really referring to here is this feeling of leaving the game and being genuinely disappointed in yourself because you know you held yourself back. You know you held yourself back because you were afraid of failing. So while the fear failure leads to you playing more cautiously, trying to avoid mistakes, playing it safe, holding yourself back, it also leads to this consistent feeling of disappointment because you know you're the reason or your fear is the reason why you're not playing

7:16up to your potential. So again, this goes back to what I said first about your more cautious in games than practice because you have this clear picture of how you can play in practice. You play freely, maybe when you're playing pick up with your friends or you're just hitting on your own or you know playing one V one with a friend or a parent or something, you play much better. But then you see this shift take place during games because there's more pressure. There's more consequence attached to failing. So then there's more fear. Now you play cautiously. You're scared. You hold yourself back. You can't stop thinking about what could go wrong. You know, then we add in there. If you make an early mistake, you're likely to beat yourself up and all of that leads to leaving the game feeling disappointed. Not just in how you played in terms of the result, but how you actually played the game in terms of the process, your effort, your attitude, all of that. So if you're dealing with this cautious playing games, if you can't stop thinking about what could go wrong or you're leaving games feeling disappointed in yourself because you know you

8:17held yourself back. Those are three key signs that you are dealing with the fear of failure. Now, if you are dealing with the fear of failure, what can you do? Well, there are many different tools and techniques that you can work on applying on your own. And so what I've done right here is I've linked another video where I go into some steps that you can take to work through fear of failure. If you're listening to this as a podcast, I've linked it below. But by far the most effective way to work through fear of failure is to use one-on-one mental performance coaching. Now my one-on-one coaching involves me working directly with you to work through your fear of failure, build confidence, and ultimately get you to a point where you can play freely during games. If you're interested in learning more about my one-on-one coaching program, I've put a link in the description below. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and please feel free to share it with any athlete who you know is struggling with the fear of failure. Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening and I wish you the best of success in all that you do. If you want to hear more mental game tips, subscribe to the podcast, subscribe to the Success Starts Within YouTube channel, follow Eli on Instagram, the handle is at Eli

9:23Straw, and subscribe to our weekly newsletter at successstartswithin.com.