X Minus One - Lulungameena

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1:01From the far horizons of the unknown, come transcribed tales of new dimensions in time and space. These are stories of the future, adventures in which you'll live in a million could be years on a thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine presents... Minus, minus, minus, minus, minus, minus. One, one, one, one. Tonight, the Longamina by Gordon R. Dixon. The Longamina by Gordon R. Dixon.

2:17When we get angry, we fight to the death. It all began that evening that Clay Harbang began reminiscing about his home planet, the Longamina. We were sitting around the recreation room of 563. There was a card game going on in one corner. Lulongamina. The very name sounds like music, doesn't it, Lord? You know me, Clay? I'm a dorsi, man. I've been in the dorsi planets. I've seen them all knocking around this universe for 35 years. But when it comes to sheer beauty, Lulongamina. How long since you've been home, Clay? Home? 20 years, more? 20 stinking miserable years? Well, that'll be over soon. Another 10 days. You're going to miss all 563? Miss this, Scott, for second little asteroid?

3:18Not for a minute. I will miss your ugly face around here. At least I will. I'm going to miss your gloomy dorsi, Purs too. Lord, why don't you get out of it? You've had more years in space service than any of us. You've probably got enough credits to get out too. Me? I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Couldn't you go home? You should know better than that. The denibrian trouble? The denibrian trouble? You could go to Earth, what for? Ever been there? Ever once. And I've never wanted to. And I've seen too many earthmen. Like the kid over there. He's green in service. He's full of greed and stupid hate like the rest of them. Now that's not for me. Luxor for games breaking up. Here he comes. This is the big gambler from the windy planet. What's its name? Lu Longomena. Yeah. How's the piggy bank coming, Dad? The piggy is a gentleman, kid. He never overeats so he won't ever get into gesture.

4:21Sour grapes. You see this water credits? 500. Along you have to work for 500 credits, Dad. How many trips you have to make around this asteroid? How much closer to fall in your grave you have to come? You'll look as if you made a killing. I always make a killing. I'm a natural born gambler. And I don't just talk about it like some. I think I'll go out and take a turn around the station, Mort. Fine, I'll go with you. It's a... stuffy in here. I don't bother. I'd rather be alone. This... big shot. Knocked around the planet for 35 years. You've got a reputation as the hottest gambler in the systems. Comes from the most beautiful planet in the universe. Bull. Why don't you lay off him? Kid, let me give you a piece of sound advice. Go ahead. Lay off Clay Harbank. He's been around the systems a lot longer than you have. He may not be any chicken, but he's a tough baby when the situation calls for it.

5:22You trying to scare me, Mort? I thought you'd do usy guys were smarter than that. No, kid. No offense, Morty. I mean, I wasn't trying to what's all the docile people or anything. I... I... I gotta go do a flight check. I'll see you. We were in bad shape. The 20 of us at Frontier Station 563 on the very edge of the human area had gone sour. Half the man had applications for transfer in already. But I told the kid about Clay being tough. Well, that was a bluff to keep him off. Nobody knew better than I did that Clay was burned out inside like a used a rocket. I put on a space suit and went out to join him. Oh, hi, Morty. Hi. Beautiful night, huh? Nice. Back on Lulonga Mina on a night like this.

6:22The rakish flowers open up when you can hear them singing. There are six moons and every one of them is like a yellow lantern. My mom and dad and I used to live on the edge of a lotus pool. Here I go talking about home again. Hmm, figures. The guy who's been saving up for 10 years to get home is bound to start thinking about it when the time comes. I wish you could come with me, Morty. Clay, tell me something. Yes. You ever get the urge to gamble again? Do I get the urge to gamble? Morty, you ever watch a man who's been on P.O.N. for a while? When he's broken the habit, you can't get him near the stuff. He despises it. And yet the same man has liable to go back on with no provocation. Well, that's the way it is when you've gambled all your life. I figured. Maybe that's why I keep talking about home. Every time I hear the kid flipping those cards in the recreation room, I start talking about home.

7:23Have you noticed? I have noticed. But this time I'm going to make it, Morty. I tried three times before. This time I've got the dough and I know I'm going to make it. Thank you, Will Clay. You know what did it? Hmm. Lu Longomina. That's what saved me this time. The thought of that beautiful planet. Well, when you get there, you can send me a photo tape. At the rate we get visitors, it should reach me in five or six years. You'll be out by then, you'll be home. I'll never go home, Clay. Never. Well. That's red for. Screens must have picked up a ship in the galaxy. Maybe we'll get a visit. Keep us from going local anyway. Coming in? No, I think I'll stay out of while. Well, I'm going to check the screen. See you later. Red for meant simply that a ship was entering the galaxy. The chances of it touching down on 5.63 were pretty remote.

8:24Unless it happened to need a clearance for Earth or Mars, the screen was black by the time I got there. But the kid was filing a report. Oh, hi, Morty. Hey, what's a Hicksabrod like? Why? We're having one for a visit. You don't say? I just came in over the receiver. What'd we be like? A Hicksabrod? Stiff as a poker, proud as Lucifer, honest as sunlight, and tied as a camel on his way through the eye of a needle. What do they look like? Oh, they're kind of humanoid, but they have a deadpan face that never changes like a mask. Oh, they're a little scary, I hear. Oh, that's a green skin on the scales. Also, they run about 8 feet tall. I wouldn't tangle with one if I were you. Back on DeNevria, once I saw a Hicksabrod rip a mandor ribbons with its claws. Why? The man made the mistake of insulting Hicksab. That's one of the twin planets they come from. Pretty touchy, huh?

9:24Not really. They're a very level-headed race. You know the Hicksabrod reputation, don't you? No, you didn't hear much about him on Earth. Well, are the first and only mercenary political arbitrators in the known universe. Hicksabrod can be hired, but he's absolutely incapable of being influenced or bribed. He tells the cold truth and nothing but the cold truth. And, brother, when a Hicksabrod tells you the truth, it's plenty cold. It really lets you have it, huh? There are a small race and very much in demand. If some kind of political dispute comes up from planetary to inter-alien, both sides hire a Hicksabrod to represent him. That way they know the other side is being completely honest. Oh, that's very interesting, you know? Very interesting. I could tell there was something on the kid's mind, but of course I didn't know what it was. Most of the talk in the recreation room that night centered around the arrival of the Hicksabrod.

10:28Landing beacons were turned on, and we waited for another radio communication. Hey, anybody want to sit in on this next hand? What? No thanks. Well, I know better than to ask the galaxy's foremost gambler here. That's right, kid. Well, maybe when the Hicksabrod gets here, we'll be able to work up a decent game. Do Hicksabrod's gamble? No, kid. They don't gamble. That's too bad. Well, we can always sit and listen to you lying about what a beautiful place La Lunga Mina is. Kid, you just went too far. Yeah, you're going to do something about it? That's right, I'm going to punch a little note. Hey, don't hit me. Break it up! Break it up! Hey, you all right? Yeah, I'm okay. You better get to the infirmary. Have your mouth taken care of. Kid, you got to your quarters. Since when are you giving orders? I'm telling you to get to your quarters. You better do what he says, kid. He's a dorsi man. That's all I've been hearing since I got here. With big gamblers come from La Lunga Mina, and how dorsi men are killing so far I've seen nothing,

11:28but I heard a lot of talk. You're going to get to your quarters? I'll give you a five seconds to start moving. You better go ahead, kid. Okay, okay, okay, Maude. I'm letting you bluff me out of the game this time. Just remember, there's going to be other games. Next time I won't be bluffed. He left the recreation room. I felt a slight and not unpleasant shiver to run down between my shoulder blades, and my eyes were still hot. I'd almost lost my control that time, and my senses told me I'd better be careful. For the next three days, the tension of 563 was almost unbarrelable. Playharbanks seemed to age 20 years after the kid knocked him down. Now here this, all personnel. Now here this, all personnel. A ship is approaching for flight check. A ship is approaching for flight check. Report to Central. Report to Central.

12:29Well, this is it, Clay. We're getting the Hicks abroad. Seems almost like home having a Hicks abroad with us. They're all over the Tazzian system, you know. The Speak Hicks abroad? You have to on Lulunga Meena. I didn't know that. I picked it up during the third exploration. Long time ago, huh? We're not getting younger, Clay. Yeah. I found that out. I don't take it so big, he's just a punk kid. Sure. And I'm just a dumb old man. Oh, forget it. Huh. That's touchdown. You ought to be here in a minute. Well, that does it. He's down. Look at that ship, huh? Let's go. You'll need some help with his baggage. The ship was a silvery one-man job. The kind that have taken the Hicks abroad all over the universe. The Capendor slid back, and the Hicks have stepped out.

13:30He was as green and scaly as a lizard. But there was a certain unmistakable dignity in his bearing. Since I spoke the language, I was the first to greet him. Felt the Hatchin' Hicks abroad. Welcome to this place. I greet you, Dorshan men. My name is Mort Biansky. I am called Doorlusses. Come. I'll show you to your quarters. Thank you. How long will you remain here? Only for one night. I wish clearance for Mars. I'm sure it can be handled. This way. I wondered how he knew I was a Dorshan man. And then it seemed obvious. I broken nose, the scars, the line face. Nobody could mistake a human from the Dorshan planets. Still, it scared me a little. I kept wondering if he had anything to do with interplanetary police. I tried to put it out of my mind.

14:30It was no use. Mind if I come in, Clay? Sit down. Have a smoke. Thanks. Where's the Hicks abroad? In his room, getting cleaned up for dinner. Strange guys, aren't they? There's something even stranger going on. What's that? The kids in there with him. With the Hicks? What do you suppose they're talking about? I don't know. I wish I did. Kids probably trying to get the Hicks into a dice game. I doubt it. What's on your mind, Mort? Clay, you've been around. Are there any Hicks abroad in interplanetary police? A few? Why? I don't know. I just had a feeling, you know. God. You're dreaming up bogey men. Maybe? Besides, you're not in any trouble outside the Dorsai system. I killed a human, Clay. Not deliberately. In a rage. Happens all the time on Dorsai, doesn't it?

15:31Not to an officer of intergalactic. Besides, that was 25 years ago. There's no statue of limitations in the systems. Nobody knows but me, right? You don't have to be clairvoyant or wonder-worthy. Man hasn't been back to his home planet for 25 years. You think the kid- I don't know. He's got no love for me. Still, he doesn't know anything. How would he know this Hicks abroad as an agent if he is? Couldn't say. Where are you going? I think I'll take a look at that message the kid filed. The one we got when we first picked up the Hicks abroad on the screens. Let me know what you find. If anything. I walked through the empty corridors to the communication center. I went directly to the files where incoming messages are kept and flicked the tab until I got to notices of arrivals. There, two days before, was a report of the arrival of door losses. I ran my finger down the statistics until I came to the line that said,

16:34point of origin of flight. It read, Tarzian Galaxy. That was where Clay Harbanks, the long gamina was. I read further, where it said, nature of business. My blood ran cold as I spelled out the words criminal. Come in. Built the Hatchin Hicks abroad. I greet you, Dorsai Man. Is there anything you require? Nothing. Thank you. I came to tell you that we'll have dinner tonight at 800 hours. The young earthman has already been here. There's a shortage of raw meat here. I've brought my own food. Thank you. I see you came in from the Tarzian planets. Yes. You didn't happen to be in the Dorsai planets before that? No. No, my. Thought perhaps you might have some news. I came from intergalactic headquarters. Yes, I am. I saw your flight check. Then you know my flight check.

17:35I saw your flight check. Then you know my mission. Yes. Good. How long do I have to pack? I will be leaving at 700 hours tomorrow morning. Can you be ready by then? Yes, I guess so. Good. I don't suppose there's any point in appealing to you. Hicks abroad is supposed to be totally without emotion. There is no point in appealing. Funny thing. I've been running away from this moment for 25 years. Now that it's come I'm glad. We'll be going back to the Dorsai planets. Yes, two intergalactic headquarters. For all these years. Home. I don't suppose a Hicks abroad knows what that feeling is like. I will expect you at 700 hours. Now if you don't mind, I wish to prepare my food. One thing. Yes. Did the young earthman tip you off about me?

18:35No. Funny. I could have sworn it was him. That was that. When a Hicks abroad tells you no, you can bet your life he isn't lying. I began to wonder how they located me. I began to wonder what he and the kid have talked about. I began to wonder a lot of things. Well, he's an agent for intergalactic. Well, that isn't proof he's after you. He is. How do you know? I just talked to him. Lord and heaven. It isn't so bad, really. Just think I'll be going home. I'm going to kill that kid. Play. I'm going to kill him. Play, listen to me. The kid didn't turn me in. You said. I said he was talking to the Hicks. I just asked him. And the Hicks told me it wasn't the kid. They don't lie. But don't go blowing off. It's going to be hard. Ten days. It doesn't have to be ten days.

19:36What do you mean? How many credits do you need to buy your way out? Another 500? Next payday. Don't wait. Don't wait. I have over 900 credits. I'll turn them over to you. More. Listen. I don't need them. Or you can pay off tomorrow and fly as far as the tarzhan chain with me and the Hicks. It's a very nice thing, Mort. Will you do it? I'll think about it. Let you know after dinner. I thought of running away, but there was really no place to run once they tracked you down. And the Hicks or Brouts were utterly relentless once they'd agreed to bring a man in. Since they had no feelings, they made no judgments. They were absolutely certain that a man would get a fair trial. I packed my stuff and went into dinner. The Hicks or Brout was at the head of the table eating his raw chinsu meat. Pass the gravy, please. Do our losses. Yes.

20:36They tell me that the Hicks or Brout home planet is a very beautiful place. It is true. Well, I'm from Earth myself. Yes. I'm curious to know what this beautiful planet of yours looks like. The kid's pretty talkative tonight. What's cooking? I don't know, but I don't trust it. Laura and Fauna maintained an excellent natural balance. No local surplus has exceeded 1% of the normal population for the last 60,000 years. Life on Hicks is predictable. The weather is controlled within the greatest limits of feasibility. The symmetry of the landscape is without parallel in the universe. Very pretty picture. Very attractive home world. But I regret to inform you, Laura, since I've been given the understanding that it pales into insignificance when compared with another beauty spot in our universe. You're earth? I wish I could say yes. No, no. This place is so wonderful. I doubt if an earth man like me could get in. In fact, I've never seen it.

21:37But I've been hearing about it for some months now. And either it's the most wonderful place in the universe. So the man who's been telling me about it is a rotten liar. Get your gun, kid. Get your gun. Why guns? You call me a liar. Why use guns when it's possible to prove the thing one way or another with complete certainty? For months now you've been telling me two things. One that you used to be a gambler. Two, your precious little ungameen is the most wonderful place in the universe. The question is, is either statement true. They're both true. You'll back them up with my life. I'm not asking you to back them with your life. Just back them with that nice little horde you've been accumulating all these years. Why you don't? Well, you said you were a gambler. Bet with me and prove it. Suppose I do. How do we prove my statement about a little ungameena? That's easy. We have with us at this table a Hicksaprod. In a conversation with him I found out that he's just visited every planet in the Tazian chain. Now is everyone knows a Hicksaprod never lies. Do you think you could judge this point, Dorlossus?

22:38The point can be judged. Well, gambler. It's a trick. Don't bet. How much will your bet, kid? All I got. The equivalent of ten years pay. Well. You're on. Dorlossus. Okay, if I question you. Proceed. You've been to the planet, Mitasian chain, which this man calls his home. I must ascertain the position of the planet. The fourth planet. Oh, yes. The one with six moons. That's it. I've been there recently. As you well know since we spoke of it only this afternoon. We did speak, if it that's true. Now, will you tell me you know the planet? Yes. You know it's geography. I do not repeat myself. Is it a large planet? No. Is it a rich planet? No. Was there not a reign of radioactive fallout from an explosion of an nearby star only five months ago?

23:39There was. Did it not destroy every piece of vegetation and leave this planet a gutted smoking ruins, charred and ugly? It did. Well, gambler. You haven't asked him the main question yet, kid. Would you like to ask him? All right. Hicksabrod. The question to be judged as this. Is Lulongomina the most beautiful and the most wonderful place in the universe? Yes. It is. What? Well, kid. That's a trick. It's a rotten trick. I don't believe it. The Hicksabrod are narrow and baleful as he pushed back his chair. You could almost feel him burning as he dragged his scaly feet over toward the kid. He stopped about six inches from the kid and held both his hands up palms near the kid's eyes. There was a clicking sound and we watched eleven sets of gleaming razor-like claws shoot up from the tips of the Hicksabrod's fingers. Their points were almost against the kid's eyes.

24:39Look at my hands, earth man. Are they not clean? Yes. Do you doubt that I have told the truth? No, no. Then there is nothing further to discuss. I bow to you, gentlemen. I thank you for your hospitality. You will excuse me. We stood around and watched that proud, frightening figure drag itself out of the room. The kid was trembling like a leaf as he drew a bank draft for ten years' pay and handed it to Clay Harbing. The next morning, Clay and I boarded the Hicksabrod ship, and four days later, we touched down at the outer planet of the Toshin Chain. Well, this is where I get off, Mord. I don't know what to say, really. I guess you know how I feel. I think I do play.

25:39Let's just say so long. There will be no need for goodbyes. Why? Both of you are leaving the ship here. But I thought I... I intend to return to Intergalactic Headquarters empty-handed. But they'll question you. What will you tell them? The truth, of course. But you have told me nothing. But I assume I am not interested in your assumption. Any my mission? I told you it was a criminal investigation. You said you assumed you would go back with me, and I told you when my ship was departing. There is nothing more to be said. But surely you know what? Don't say anything. The Hicksabrod deals only with facts. What is absolutely known. They're the most literal beings in the universe. Let it go with that. Goodbye, gentlemen. I am grateful for the pleasure of your company. I know. I know. I know. I know. The Hicksabrod deals only with facts. The Hicksabrod deals only with facts.

26:40The Hicksabrod deals only with facts. The Hicksabrod deals only with facts. Five minutes later, Clay Harbor and I shook hands at the exit of the spaceport on Tarsus X. But before we parted, there was one thing I had to know. Clay, one thing before you go. Yes. How did you know the Hicksabrod would lie about Lulonga Mina? It's a word and use throughout the Tazian planets. Actually, it's a Hicksabrod word. It means home. All I did was ask the Hicksabrod if home was beautiful. He simply said yes. And the Hicksabrod, as everybody knows, doesn't lie. You have just heard X-1, presented by the National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine, which this month features the phenodolivan novelet,

27:41Bad Medicine. The story of a robot therapist that never failed to affect a cure, even if it had to convert itself into a typhoid-merry to do so. Galaxy Magazine, on your new stand today. Tonight by transcription, X-1 has brought to you Lulonga Mina, a story from the pages of Galaxy Magazine by Gordon R. Dixon that adapted for radio by George Lefferts, featured in the cast where Ralph Camargo, Ned Weaver, Jack Grimes, Bob Hastings, and Cermet Murdock, your announcer Fred Collins. X-1 was directed by Daniel Sutter and is an NBC radio network production. X-1 came to you from our radio city studios in New York. Next week, listen to Project Mastadon, Clifford Seymuck's story on X-1.

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