X Minus One - A Gun For Dinosaur

0:00If you've been in business for at least six months and have a decent credit score, you could get business funding in as little as 24 hours. But you don't have to spend a ton of time going from lender to lender to find the best match for your small business. Drive your business forward with Lindeo. Just let Lindeo do it for you. At Lindeo, we've built a marketplace of over 75 Lindeers and funding partners. Who know what you need and can get it to you quickly. See what your business can qualify for in just a few minutes at Lindeo.com. That's L-E-N-D-I-O. Lindeo.com. Got down for blast off.

1:06X minus 5, 4, 3, 2, X minus 1, fire. From the far horizons of the unknown, come transcribed tales of new dimensions in time and space. These are stories of the future, adventures in which you'll live in a million could be years on a thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine presents X minus 1, 1, 1, 1.

2:13Tonight's story, a gun for dinosaur by L. Sprake DeCamp. Adjust whiskey please, no soda. I, Mr. Rivers. Good heavens, no. I have been in America for some time, but not that long. Well, to a fine dinosaur. Now just a moment, Mr. Selegman, I won't take you hunting late Mesozoic dinosaur. Why not? How much do you weigh about nine stone? 130 pounds. Yeah, I thought so. It's not heavy enough. But your advertisement. You said safaris arranged to any time, well I'll take you to any period in the Cinezoic. I'll get you a shot at any intelligent or even mammoth or mastodon, they have fine heads. But I'll jolly well not take you to the Jurassic or the Cretaceous. Maybe just too small. But what's my weight got to do with it?

3:13Look here, boy, what did you think you were going to shoot those dinosaur with? Well, I will look over here in this case. That's my own gun, a continental 600. That shoots a pair of nitro express cartridges, the size of bananas. It's designed for knocking down elephant, not just wounding them, but knocking them base over apex. Well, now I've handled guns. Look, I've been guiding hunting parties for over 20 years. But I've never known a man your size who could handle a six-naught-naught in oxymover, or people who killed elephant with lighter guns, even a 375. Ah, yes, but consider an elephant weighs, well, let's say, from four to six ton. You're planning to shoot reptiles weighing two to three times as much as an elephant. I tell you, Mr. Selegman, I won't take anybody hunting dinosaur who can't handle a six-naught -naught. Let's pour another drink and I'll tell you why. You see, I went into the partnership with the Raj about five years ago. I call him that because he's the redditorimonic of Janpur.

4:14It means nothing, of course. We both wanted to do a bit of hunting again, and Africa's all played out. It's too civilized now. So when we heard of Professor Prahasker's time machine at Washington University, we caught the next planters and Louis. The foundation administering the machine had worked out an arrangement splitting the time between scientific parties and hunters who wanted to try their luck at prehistoric game. Hunters paid through the nose, of course, to support the project. Well, it was about a fifth safari that Courtney James showed up. He's what you chaps, caller, playboys, a big bloke, handsome in a way, flurry, beginning to turn to fat, who's on his fourth wife. And when he showed up at the office with a blonde, I assumed that this was the fourth Mrs. James, and he left her in the outer office and corrected my assumption. Bunny? Oh, no, she's not my wife. My wife is in Mexico, I think, getting into force. But Bunny here would like to go along. I'm sorry. We don't take ladies, not to the late Mrs. Zoek. She wants to go, she'll go.

5:15She skis and flies my airplanes, so why shouldn't she? There are enough risks at 85 million BC without adding to them. I'm sorry, but it's against the firm's policy. Now, look here, I'm paying you a lot of money. I'm entitled. You can't hire me to do anything against my best judgment. Now, if that's how you feel, get another guide. All right, all right. But let me tell you. Oh, it ended with my telling him to get out of the office or throw him out. And I was thinking sadly of all that lovely money that James would have paid me. When he came another side, an August hosting a slim bull chap with glasses. Mr. Rivers, I don't want you to think I'm here under false pretenses. I'm really not much of an outdoorsman, and I'll probably be scared to death when I see a real dinosaur. Well, most of us are frightened at first, but I doesn't do to speak of it. Well, you see, I've always run a grocery store till my uncle died. And well, I've got a great deal of money now.

6:17And Bill, you knew how? So I'm engaged, you know, getting married. And well, I'm determined to hang a dinosaur head over my fireplace or die in the attempt. A serratopsy, and I think that's the one with a big horned head and the frill over the neck, isn't it? Well, you want to think twice about that, you know. If you put a seven foot serratopsy into a small living room, there's an apt to be no room left for anything else. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm determined to do something big for once. Since there's no more real big game hunting, I'm going to shoot a dinosaur and hang his head over my mantle. I'll never be happy otherwise. The rarger and I decided to make it to the middle crititious that's about 85 million years ago. It's the best period for dinosaur in Missouri. So we drove Holt Singer into the country to let him try the six-nought nought.

7:19It's rather heavy. Look, you look out the squire to kick. Couldn't you fire at prone? Oh, not a gun that big. There's not enough give you to break your shoulder. All right. Take the safety off. Like this? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Take my hand. I'll help you up. I, I thank you. I think I better try something smaller. Well he took a fancy to my mantis to 70, jame bird for a 375 Magnum cartridge. It's a little light for elephant and very definitely light for dinosaur, but we were in a hurry. And then of course, just before we were ready to trick, jame showed up and apologized for insulting me. He'd had a run in with the girl and he wanted to go along. And so we were off on safari. You already gentlemen? Why, yes, I suppose, huh? I'm Mr. Holt Singer. You've met my partner, the Roger of Jean-Pour. How do you do, sir? How do you do? Well, shall we get cracking? After you were to Holt Singer? Mr. James, thank you. That's good going. All set.

8:19And we'll slam the hatch and off we go. What happened? Nothing till the force field is built up. There she goes. What happened to the lights? Well there's no current while we're in transition. I don't feel well. There's usually a touch of vertigo. I shouldn't worry about it. Look, where do you shoot for? I mean with dinosaur. What is the best shot? Well, you don't try for his brain, you know. They don't have any. But to be exact, they have a little bump about the size of a tennis ball on the top of their spines. And you're not likely to hit it when it's embedded in a six foot skull. You're trying for the heart. They have big hearts over a hundred pounds. And exploding shell in the heart will slow them down at least. Oh, I see. Why do we have to go so far for a game? Why couldn't we just go back 50 years and shoot lions of Africa? Well the machine won't work more recently than a hundred thousand years ago. Why? Well, I know for a dimensional expert on the subject. But it has something to do with what they call time paradox. You know, if people could go back to recent times, they might do something to affect

9:22history or kill their own grandfather, you know. And there's also some kind of taboo about sending people back to the same time again. And the paradoxes mustn't have them. What would happen? I'm not sure, but the university isn't taking chances. They've got about a billion years to cover. They won't run out of ears. Hello? Here we go. Oh, cheers, eh? Well, that's done it. April 24th, 85 million years, B.C. Now then, careful. Keep the safety on your gun. And don't shoot unless I give the word. Why? Why should we have to wait for you? Because I'm responsible for everything you do, especially if something goes wrong. I say, Roger, open the door with you. In this period, the time chamber materializes on top of a rocky rise.

10:25At the west, you see the arm of the Kansas Sea that reaches across Missouri, and a big swamp where the sauropods live. To the east, the land slips up to a plateau. It's good for serotonpsons. But the finest thing about the Cretaceous is the climate. It's barmy like the South Sea Islands. And not so muggy as the Jurassic. Oh, we sent the time chamber back off and looked about. It was spring, with a dwarf magnolias in bloom all over. Down towards the Kansas Sea, psycads and willows grew, while the uplands were covered with screwpins and ginkil. Yeah, well, I'm no ruddy poet, but I can appreciate a beautiful scene. Well, I was looking through the haze and sniffing the air. I got it, I got it. What the devilish? You see it there, girls? Confound it, you idiot. I told you not to shoot without word from me. And what happened? I wanted the mine, wandered out of the cups. Mr. James gave him both barrels, missed. Now look here, James. One of the biggest dangers on a safari is trigger-happy sives who get panicky.

11:28You're not to shoot unless you're told you understand. Who do you think you are to tell me when to shoot my own game? Now look here. Firstly, if you shoot off all your ammunition before the trip is over, your gun won't be available in case of a pinch. And secondly, if you empty both barrels, what would happen if a big thieropod should charge before you could reload? And finally, if you've been in business for at least six months and have a decent credit score, you could get business funding in as little as 24 hours. But you don't have to spend a ton of time going from lender to lender to find the best match for your small business. Drive your business forward with Lindeo. Just let Lindeo do it for you. At Lindeo, we've built a marketplace of over 75 Lindeers and funding partners. Who know what you need and can get it to you quickly. See what your business can qualify for in just a few minutes at Lindeo.com. That's L-E-N-D-I-O. Lindeo.com

12:48It's not sporting to shoot everything inside. Is that clear? All right. All right. Well, now then, first task is fresh meat. As I told you, a whole thing I wanted to sell a topsy in head. James insisted on a tyrannosaur. Then everybody would think that he'd shot the most dangerous game. Well, the fact is that tyrannosaurs have errated. But everybody's read about the tyrant lizard. Well, he does have the biggest head of the fear of pods. Oh, and he'll snap you up if you guess the chance. No fear. Oh, we started off searching for meat. The raja and I put the sibes in front. It we tell them so that they'll get the first shot, which is true. But another reason is that they're always tripping and falling with their guns caught. And if the guy we're in front, he gets shot. Shhh. Boneheads. Where? See? Clutching over there. Eating on those psycids. He was about the size of a man. They look intelligent. And not likely that bow's on the head is solid bone.

13:49And I've been holding on there, James. You've had your shot for the day. Or you're fired until hosting a shoot. Yeah, sure, I should. All right, go ahead, Mr. Holtsinger. It doesn't matter which one. Now here. Try that one by the rock. There's a good clear shot. We'll take your safety off. Oh. Go ahead now. Well. Shhh. I'm nuts. I've had enough of this. James, don't. I got him clean right through the heart. First shot. How's that? I thought you were going to give Holtsinger the first crack. It's a good shot. I'm going to give Holtsinger the first crack. I'm going to give Holtsinger the first crack. I'm going to give Holtsinger the first crack. I'm going to give Holtsinger the first crack. I'm going to give Holtsinger the first crack. It's his turn. Well, I waited. It took so long I thought he'd gotten bucked fever. Very well. But if this sort of thing happens once more, we leave you at camp the next time we go out. The next couple of days we trekked around the neighborhood, and then headed over to the sauropods swamp, over to the west.

14:50We were staked out along the edge of the lake, watching a big beggar out in the swamp waving his head about. They're the big ones. It took something like the Brunter's Orr. Can't we shoot him? I wouldn't. Why not? Well, there's no point to it, and it's not sporting. If you kill one in the water, he sinks and can't be recovered. And if you kill one on land, well, the only trophy is that little head on the top of that long neck. You can't bring that whole beast back because he weighs 30 tons or more. That museum in New York got all of it. Oh, yes. Well, they sent a party of 48 to the early Cretaceous with a 50-calibre machine gun. They spent two solid months hacking and sawing the carcass apart and hauling it to the time machine. I know the chap on the project, and he still has nightmares in which he smells decomposed dinosaur. And they also had to kill a dozen big sauropods who came in for the party. Then they had them lying around too. They lost three men. Reggie, duckbill. Where? Where are they? Up there, the shoreline.

15:50I keep your voices down. You see? With a crest on the back of their heads? Mr. Rivers, I've been thinking over what you said about those heads. If I could get one of those duckbills, I'd be satisfied. It'd look big enough over my metal. I'm sure of it, old boy. Well, let's be off. Roger, are you right here with Mr. James? Shouldn't take us long. Hold on, I crept along the shoreline. Nowering the range to the duckbills. I think I can make the shot from here. I'll be ready in a minute, my man. Shoo is loose. He's getting away. I won't get a shot. I'm afraid Mr. James has fired both barrels again. James, that's the second time you spoiled my shots. I ought to... Don't be a fool. I couldn't let them wander into camp stamping everything flat. It was no danger to that. You can see that the water is deep offshore. Just that our trigger of happy Mr. James can't see any animal without shooting.

16:51And if it did get close, all you have to do is a thrower stick a firewood at it. They're perfectly harmless. But how was I to know? I believe I mentioned it. Well, what are we on this miserable trip for, except to shoot things? There are certain rules, you know. You call yourselves hunters. I'm the only one who was hitting anything. Now, just a moment, old man. You're behaving like a confounded skype with more money than brains. I should never have brought you along. That's how you feel. Give me some food and I'll go back to the base for myself. Don't be a bigger ass than you can help. That's quite impossible. All right, I'll go alone. I wouldn't want to pollute your air with my presence. That's an attractive thought, but we can't let him go. You'd get lost or starve. All right, I'll go after him. We stumbled along for several more days. James on his good behavior for a change. And on the first of May, we broke camp and headed north to the hills. That was hot and sticky. We were soon panting and sweating like horses.

17:52When I picked up the smell of carrion and heard the thrumming of the flies, we found a huge set of topsy and lying dead in a little hollow on the edge of the cups. He must have weighed six or eight tons alive. Why couldn't I have gotten him before he died? That would have made a darn fine hit. On your toes, Chaps, the sore-up pod that's been at this carcass is probably nearby. How do you know? We see how the hides been ripped off and the bones are scattered. Sore-up pods will hang around a carcass like this for weeks, gorgeing and then sleeping their meals off for days at a time. What do we do? Well, that's what we came after. But Roger, you take Mr. James through that way, and we'll parallel you 40 feet distant. Now keep your eyes open. It'd be hard to see in these woods unless you're right on top of him. We pushed through the edge of the cups, looking for the huge, fleshy toe who'd been at the carcass. I could hear James and the Roger pushing ahead on my right.

18:55We were separated by a galley when I heard a noise ahead on our left. What is it? I don't know. Take the safety off your gun. Oh, there it is. It's one of those boneheads. Oh, well, they're not dangerous at any rate. But be careful. That Sora pod might still be around here. I've got him. Got him clean. Well, he's done it again. He shot the bonehead. I've got him. Look out! Look out! Tire anus off! The Tyrannosaurus heaved his head out of a shrubbery just in front of us. The scientists can insist that Rex is bigger than Tionkeys, but I'll swear that this Tyrannosaurus was bigger than any Rex ever hatched. It must have stood 20 feet high and been 50 feet long. I could see it's big, bright eye and six-inch teeth.

19:55He'd been sleeping off his last meal, and James fired off both barrels over his head at the bonehead and woke the Tyrannosaurus up. Get back! Get back! You fools! Gun's empty in Roger. Can't get a shot. Found it. There goes the beast in behind those ferns. Hopsing it. Hopsing it! Come back, your gun's too light for that beggar! James came balding back in a panic and blended into the Roger, sending both of them sprawling under the ferns. The Tyrannosaurus came after them to snap them up. Hopsing it began to blaze away. He got off three shots through the beast's body with that little light gun. The Tyrannosaurus world around to see what was stinging it. The jaws came open, and the heads swung around and down again. Hopsing had got off one more shot and tried to leap to one side. The Tyrannosaurus continued its lunge and caught him in its jaws as he fell.

20:55Ready! Ready! Stand clear! Hot! Hot the only chance. It's no use, there he goes. Try a long shot. Ah, Mr. Clean. Poor Hopsinger. Well, that's the end. You stopped screaming. Did you notice? Oh, yes. Well, I expect we'd best track the beastie. We might be dying, we should try to recover. Hopsing has remained. Yes, there's nothing else to do. No, nothing. The bad show all around. And our later, we gave up. And went back to the glade looking very dismal. Very beautiful. We were occupied. The late Mr. Holtzinger. Remember? He shouldn't have gone off and left me. None of those things might have come along. It's not bad enough to lose 100 through your stupidity. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that.

21:56I'm not going to be able to do that. It's not bad enough to lose 100 through your stupidity. What? Sure, you put us in front of you, so if anybody gets eaten, it's one of us. That's... You stinking little swine. If you hadn't been a first-class idiot and blown those two battles again, this never would have happened. Holtzinger died trying to save your worthless life. And I wish he'd failed. All right, I oughta... Now, then, my lad, but I'm glad you did that. It gives me a chance I'd be waiting for! Now, get up! And I'll be glad to finish off. You won't finish anybody off. All right, put your hands up. Both of you. Put that gun away. Don't be any of these. I won't let anybody do that to me. You can't get away with murder. Why not? We'll be much left to you after you're hit with a 600-explosive shell. Nobody could prove anything. They can't hold you for a murder 85 million years old. The statute of limitations, you know. Nice work, Roger Ocef. A grittacious rock. Doesn't quite have the balance of a cricket ball, but it's a bit harder.

23:00What? Well, suppose we tie this chap up and take him back to camp. When the time transition chamber finally arrived, we fell over one another, getting into it. We dumped James in a corner and threw the switches. You two should have killed me back there. Why? You don't have a particularly good head. You wouldn't look at all well over the mantle. You're gonna laugh. But I'll get you someday. Yeah, close quarters, isn't it? Someday I'll find a way. I'll find a way and I'll get off scut-free, too. My dear chap, if there was some way to do it, I'd have you charged with hosting as murder. A cute bestlet well enough alone. Oh, no, I'll kill you.

24:00Both of you. Somehow. Siggered, Roger. Thanks. When we came out in the present, we handed him his empty gun. Doffy went. We paid everybody off. Found that we were broke. But quite luckily, a steel manufacturer turned up who wanted a mastodon head for his den. While we were standing in the laboratory at the university waiting for the time chamber, the technician, he's a bookish chap, a theoretical temporal physicist, was watching his dials and scopes. Oh, by the way, Mr. Rivers, you've just missed him. Mr. That last client of yours, Mr. James. Well, that's good luck. And what was he doing here? Oh, he told me quite a tale, that he'd lost his wallet back there, and contained some very valuable papers. Must have been valuable.

25:01He paid the university fee of $5,000 for the use of the chamber. He's on his way back there now. Back where? Well, he told me to send him back a few minutes before he arrived the last time, but the wallet. He's going to stand there and watch himself come out. But, um, doesn't that create what you check called a paradox? What happens when a man tries to occupy the same time twice? Oh, we don't know. It's never been tried before. Oh, we tried to warn him, but he insists. Yes, I know. He's a headstrong chap. Still, he wouldn't think he'd chance it just with the sake of a wallet. Was he armed? Yes. He had a 375 express. 375. Well, that's odd. He knows it's too late for Diana's help. Yes, but not too late for a man. Say, Roger, you don't think Mr. James is lurking behind a bush back there until we show up again, planning to put us as we step out. That's impossible. We already did step out of the chamber,

26:01or nothing happened. Yeah, but that was before Mr. James was waiting with an express rifle copped. Hey, Doctor? You mean he's planning to murder the two of you? I wouldn't be a bit surprised. No, yeah. I'm not suppose there's anything you could do to stop the process now. No, it's too late for chambers and transition now. Look, hadn't you better get out of here before he kills you? There was no point in running. If Mr. James is theory is right, we've both been dead for 85 million years. You might as well wait and see what happens. Transition point coming up. Well, it's been quite a world up to this point, Hey, Roger. Yes, great. Here it goes. Reggie, are you all right? Well, I seem to be. What happened? The time chamber, it's back. We'd better get it open.

27:03Good lord, look at that. Gasky, isn't it, Gigi? Where did it come from? I'm not sure. The rather thing it came from the middle of Cretaceous era. It wasn't here a moment ago. Gasky miss. Looks as if every bone was pulverized in every blood vessel burst. I dare say. But that's his gun, all right. It's James, there's no doubt of it. So that's the story, Mr. Silligman. Of course, I don't understand the mathematics, but the ideas are rather easy to grasp. Nobody had shot us when we first emerged on the 24th of April, 85 million BC. So of course, that couldn't be changed. The instant James started to do anything that would make a paradox. The space-time forces snapped him forward and ripped him to bits.

28:05Well, they know a good deal about that now, and there's a safety margin of 500 years between each trip. You can't have paradoxes, you know, just isn't done. And you see, I'm a lot more careful now. I shouldn't have taken James when I knew what a spoiled, unstable sword he was or hoped to sing either when I saw that he was too small to shoot a dinosaur gun. With a heavy gun, he probably have not the tyrannosaur down and saved his own life. So Mr. Sylligman, that's why I won't take you to that period, to hunt. I'm sorry, but you're just too light. You're not big enough to handle a gun for dinosaur. You have just heard X minus 1, presented by the National Broadcasting Company, in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine, which this month features the story of a man

29:06who develops a spaceship that travels so fast that its pilots vanish mysteriously into thin air. Read the Bond Shelton Story, Point of Departure, in Galaxy Magazine, on your new stand now. Tonight by transcription, X minus 1 has brought you a gun for dinosaur, a story from the pages of Galaxy written by L. Sprig De Camp, Pack and Consultant, and one of our leading authors of Science Fiction. It was adapted for radio by Ernest Canoy, featured in the cast where Alistair Duncan, Wendell Holmes, John Gibson, Donald Buca, Warren Parker, and Alan Hubert, your announcer Fred Collins. X minus 1 was directed by Daniel Sutter, and is an NBC radio network production. If you've been in business for at least six months, and have a decent credit score, you could get business funding in as little as 24 hours.

30:07But you don't have to spend a ton of time going from lender to lender to find the best match for your small business. Drive your business forward with Lendell. Just let Lendell do it for you. At Lendell, we've built a marketplace of over 75 Lenders and funding partners, who know what you need and can get it to you quickly. And if you've got a new company, just go to the market and find out what you need. Find out what you need and can get it to you quickly. See what your business can qualify for in just a few minutes at lendell.com. That's L-E-N-D-I-O-Lendell.com.