Why Is D.C. So Lonely?

0:00You might escape, but you will have fun at the Escape Game DC. This is an immersive experience that challenges you to find clues, crack codes, and escape in under 60 minutes. From prison breaks to treasure hunts and blowing up black holes, each game is a high-energy interactive adventure. For a limited time only you can score a major discount with Buy One, Get One tickets using Code DC Cast. Don't miss out! Book by October 31st at theescaperoom.com slash DC, while you have the chance to save. Each game is family-friendly and designed for all ages and skill levels, so everyone gets to be part of the fun. Remember to use Code DC Cast when buying your tickets at theescapegame.com slash DC. Stay on CityCast DC. Living in any big city is going to have its moments of loneliness. That feeling of just being a face in the crowd, but according to some studies, DC is alone

1:05in feeling this alone. So much so that the Washingtonians' October issue is dedicated to the problem of the district's loneliness. Lifestyle editor, Daniela Bike, is here to talk about why making friends can be so hard in DC and what we can do to find our own connections here. Today is Tuesday, October 6th. I'm Bridget Todd and who's with DC is talking about. Daniela, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me, Bridget. So your October issue has a pretty stark question just splashed on the front cover. Is DC the loneliness city in the country? What have you found? Is DC actually the loneliness city in the country? Yes, so great question.

2:05This question that we kind of started with is DC the loneliness city in the country. It comes from this research that the Chamber of Commerce did based off of US Census data where they looked at all of the households in the United States with just one person in them. And DC was at the top of the list. 48.6% of households were just a single person. I don't know that that necessarily means they are the loneliness households. There's definitely a distinction between being alone and being lonely, but that was kind of the jumping off point for us was to look at how do we take this prompt and either apply it to the city or not. And what we kind of found throughout this is that there are a few things that contribute to this feeling of loneliness. There's the transience. There's people working from home and not really seeing people throughout the day. There's just people struggling with making connection, which is really what loneliness is. It's the social disconnect. It's even when you're in a room full of people. You don't really feel like people understand.

3:05And so I think this question of is DC the loneliness city in the country? It can actually be applied to a lot of cities. The same way a lot of cities think they're the worst dating pool in the country. I think it's kind of a similar vein as that. So I think there is an argument to be made for these feelings of loneliness that have kind of permeated the city. That being said, that original question is based off of the survey of these households and that distinction between loneliness and alone. I do think there are some particular aspects of life in DC, particularly for young people who are at a phase in their life where maybe they moved to DC for a fellowship or an internship or a job, but then they're transient. They're not planning on sticking around. You might realize that one person was the glue or one couple was the glue kind of holding the friend group together and going through evolutions of different friend groups and having a friend group fall apart or move away or fragment. That seems to be part of life in DC. Again, I'm sure it's part of life in lots of cities, but I think there are aspects to

4:06cities that make that uniquely common here. Would you agree? Absolutely. I mean, I was looking at my own life kind of when we were working on this and I grew up in the area. So I have a lot of friends who their families are here. They grew up here and those are the people who have kind of lasted throughout the years that I've been in DC versus a lot of the people who I've met through work, through fellowships, things like that. They're coming in. They're coming out. It has to do with opportunity, especially when we think about Doge Layoffs and, you know, there was a survey that said 45% of people involved in that were thinking of leaving the area. That plays a big role in that cost of living plays a role in that. This can be a really expensive city to live in. And I think kind of what you said, these more qualitative aspects where you have one friend who is the organizer who's bringing things together. I think we saw this a lot during the pandemic where, you know, you had this big circle of friends and acquaintances and then that shrunk down. Those acquaintances kind of fell to the side. And I think a lot of people just never really recovered from that.

5:07From that isolation, it went from being, you know, this temporary thing to the way a lot of people have continued to live their lives over the years. I'm sure a lot of folks might dismiss loneliness. It's just a fact of life, you know, through some periods of your life, you're going to have ups and downs. You're going to have times where you feel like you have a robust friend network and times when you don't. But over the course of your reporting, what did you find? Like, what's the actual toll of all of this loneliness? Yes. So again, it's kind of this distinction between being physically alone, not having people around you and this idea of loneliness as social disconnect, not feeling like people understand you, not feeling like your connections and your relationships have meaning. And the toll of that is really real. It's actually been found that being lonely, experiencing this extreme social disconnect is the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That's the impact it can have on your physical health. So we're talking about increased rates of heart issues, stroke, depression, anxiety.

6:08It's something that seems, you know, kind of Lucy Goosey in some ways, but it has these really solid impacts on people's lives and their health. I don't know if this is too personal of a question, but I certainly know that I have experienced loneliness here in the district. But I'm curious if this is something that you have personal insight into when you were working on this piece. Absolutely. I mean, I think the irony of loneliness is that it's something we all feel. It's actually something that so many of us have in common. And yet we feel so disconnected. And you know, when we kind of look at the things about how to meet people in DC, things like that, a lot of these are things that I myself have done. They're pulled from experience and trying to either meet new people, meet people who connect with a certain interest of mind that maybe existing friends don't quite align with, don't quite overlap and just kind of trying to continue to find that connection, trying to find your people that that idea is certainly something I connect with. Even in times when I feel like I have a great community here, just trying to find more of that, trying to find deeper connection, it's certainly something I can relate to.

7:12Yeah, I can relate to you if folks are listening and they think like, I feel pretty lonely right now. I feel kind of disconnected. I don't feel like I'm really sharing who I am and sharing my life with people in a meaningful way. I do think we should be talking more about the ways in which that's really common. If you follow the DC subreddit, probably every other day someone is posting on there about how can I find a friend network, how can I make friends. I'm a pretty shy person. I don't want to go to the gym alone, but I don't feel like I'm meeting people. What should I do? It does seem to be something that we're all kind of quietly dealing with at times in our lives. The subreddit is such a great point and it's funny. I was looking at it this morning and I think just this morning I was seeing something about that it is the constant question people have. I'm out and about and I'm asking people, what do you wish you knew about Washington? What would help you live a better life in Washington? Two things that I really get asked about the most are how to meet people in a platonic way and how to meet people in a romantic way. This idea of meeting people, it's universal and even people who have been here for a long

8:16time, even people who maybe have a more established community. There is that sense of loneliness that kind of borders all of this. What's funny to me is that I grew up in a pretty sprawly suburb. It was kind of on the borderline of suburb and a little rural. What I was young, I remember thinking I can't wait to get to a city city so that I can not experience what feels like the backdrop of crushing loneliness all the time. If you would have told me that people moving to a real city, a city with lots of people, a dense city that they would still be experiencing the kind of loneliness that I grew up really trying to escape. That would have really surprised me that like moving to a city like DC, you might also still have to deal with the difficulty of meeting friends, meeting partners and just feeling lonely even in a city where there's always somebody above you or below you or a neighbor or something like that. Absolutely. I think you look at pop culture, you look at these big city shows, sex in the city is

9:19such a great example of this. You think, oh my gosh, I'm going to be this grown up with this group of friends who goes to brunch every Saturday and just to call away all the time. For many people, that's just TV. That's not the reality of life. Tickets for theater, Washington's Theater Week are now on sale. During September 24th through October 11th, choose from over 25 shows with tickets at 25, 45 or $65. It is the perfect way to celebrate the start of theater season here in DC. There's also free community events all over the DMV. Musical Theater concerts at the War, Eastern Market, Metro Station, a downtown DC theater walking tour, pop-up concerts at National Endless airports, even arts advocacy training and conversations with policymakers. And don't miss the live podcast taping with CityCast DC on the state of Theater in DC on October 5th.

10:20CityCast DC is the official media partner at Theater Week. Tickets and information are available at theaterweek.org. Throughout October the J by J DC Jewish Film and Music program is running a phenomenal series of Chinese related music and movies highlighting the bridges between Jewish and Chinese cultures. They've got movies stretching from 1929 to 2026 plus original music and Chinese food. Drama, comedy, romance, history, politics, Beijing, opera, and more. Their theater is conveniently located near DuBont Circle in the DC Jewish Community Center. On October 22nd and 24th, Come See Noodle, the story of a twice-witter flight attendant suddenly left to care for an eight-year-old boy who only speaks Chinese. It's a heartwarming story as they navigate language barrier in search of the boy's mother. Those on a link to purchase tickets are available at JXJDC.org. Use the code China2 for $2 off all tickets for the month.

11:25So for someone listening, facing the same loneliness that you were just speaking about, what are, let's say, three concrete steps that they can take right now after listening to this episode that might alleviate some of that or set them on a different path? Absolutely. First and foremost, you've got to get out of your house. Unless you want to be talking to yourself, I know I'm a great conversationless with myself, but that's not really going to help any loneliness. So you're going to have to get out there and put yourself out there, which is scary and intimidating. And I think a big reason why people sometimes revert back to this loneliness. And so I think the best way to do that is to start with your own interest, start with the things that you're already excited about that feel like yourself, because that's the best way to connect with like-minded, kindred spirits for lack of a better word. So I would say commit to getting out of the house as first and foremost, which I know for a lot of people that can be exhausting. We're working all day. You do the nine to five and then the five to nine rolls around and you're like, oh my gosh, I just want to sit on the couch and watch the new episode of Slow Hourses. I get that.

12:26I've been there, but you have to get out of the house. And then seeking out these places that lend themselves intrinsically to social interactions. So, for example, maybe you're interested in learning to draw. If you go to a really, really serious drawing class that's very intense about this, you might learn the skill, but you probably won't get that great social interaction. Finding classes, this is really my tip for people that meet weekly, so that you're in the same room with the same people and lend themselves to a bit of social interaction. I took a great drawing class a few years ago where we were drawing each other at some point. And there was conversation to kind of break the ice of that. And it was a great way to meet people, get out of the house, learn a new skill. And then from there, it's on you to kind of follow up. So, understanding that sometimes you're waiting for someone to ask for your number, that kind of thing, but really putting it upon yourself to make that connection with people, maybe take it outside of whatever setting you're in, but kind of following through with it.

13:29So, committing to getting out of the house, having a really robust five to nine, I think that DC is a great city for this. There's so much to do and so many groups that are coming together, making sure you're picking something that lends itself to repeated social interaction. So, high rates of return, weekly meeting, and then following through on the back end, kind of taking that step to move this beyond whatever space you're in is a really great way to connect with people, meet like-minded people. And you kind of never know what that can turn into. I've been put on to so many cool things in the city by friends who I met that I would have never met outside of these settings. Yeah, one of the things that people talk about having access to a lot here in DC to meet people is recreational sports leagues or organizations. When I first moved back to DC for grad school, all my friends were like, oh, you got to join a kickball league. That's like a thing in DC. And it's interesting because right after I'm under, when I moved back to DC to do grad school at University of Maryland College Park,

14:30and the way that I was told that you make friends was almost like recreating the experience of undergrad where you have these set organized, kind of recreational things, the kind of thing that you might find on campus. So like volleyball, volow, flip-couple leagues, run clubs, what do you think about that? The intersection of fitness and team sports and making friends on alleviating loneliness. The team kickball is almost feels like a stereotype in DC to a point of like right when you come to the city because it is that tried and true advice. You know, join this team. You'll get to play a team sport, go out for a drink afterwards, that kind of thing. That's great if you're into that. And I think if you're looking for like-minded people and people who are athletic, that's a great way to do that. It can definitely be applied beyond the team's sports to whatever you're kind of interested in. But I do think that's the way to think about it is, you know, even going back not just undergrad, but to elementary school,

15:32where you're in a room with people constantly and there's a proximity to that. The beauty of adulthood is that you can make friends beyond just proximity. You can choose to be a part of something. But I think also, you know, maintaining that idea of the more you're around people, the more you get to know them, especially if you're someone who takes a little bit longer to kind of break through and you want to meet people a few times before you really come out of your shell. I think kind of using that undergrad mentality of putting yourself in cohorts, particularly with people who share the same interests. So again, if that's sports and going out afterwards and that that's great for you. I know that personally for me, there was no world where I was going to be touching a kickball of any variety. That was just not happened for me and frankly, I don't think anyone would want me on their kickball team because we would lose every game somehow. But I think that mentality is the way to do it is kind of going back to the basics. How did we once make friends at a time when it felt a little bit more frequent?

16:33And a lot of it has to do with that proximity and just putting yourself in a space with people repeatedly. I was watching a video on a YouTube recently and I got one of those sponsored videos that placed before the video, the ad for Volo. And I thought it was so interesting that it wasn't highlighting fitness or get out and get fresh air. It was a video where people were talking about how they met their wife or partner or best friend doing Volo. And so clearly, Volo was like, this is what we need to be advertising along. It's not just a chance to do fitness. It's a chance to meet your people. Absolutely. And I think that they are really acknowledging what people are looking for, which is you know, I'm sure there are many people who are looking for fitness, but people are really searching for connection. And there's a reason why I think groups like Volo are getting people on the front end of their time in DC, particularly young professionals coming in through here. It's because they've made themselves known as not just a place to play sports, but a place to meet people.

17:34Yeah, I would not describe myself as on the front end of my experience. I'm not a young person. I don't consider myself to be that young of a person anymore. How does aging change this? Because I feel like once you get to be when you're younger, you just have so much more energy and you just have so much more, I don't know, get up and go for adventure. And you know, you go out and you're like, well, it's just one night of many I'm going to have. And then you get to be my age and you're like, this night actually matters. I'm not going to trek all the way somewhere and be like, actually, this wasn't worth it. The math changes when you age. How does that impact how we make friends and find our people here in DC? Absolutely. I mean, I think looking back at the years I've been in DC certainly easier in the beginning than it becomes later on when people just have more responsibilities particularly when you have kids in the mix and it suddenly becomes doing you to deal with a babysitter, things like that. It gets a little bit more complicated. I think that that returns back to this idea of making sure you're doing something or committing your time and energy to something

18:36that isn't just to meet people, but the activity underlying it also feels like something you're interested in something that is a good investment of your time. I think that that helps a lot with making this something that you want to carve out in your week and commit to. I also, this is why I always advocate for things that are regular because once you stick it in your calendar, it's in there, you can plan around that versus saying, oh gosh, do I have a night for this available in the next three weeks? This and that. Every Thursday, you're going, you're interacting with these people, and you're learning a skill, something like that is a great way to kind of say, hey, this is worth my time and energy, but ultimately kind of the same thing with dating. If this is something you're interested in, you have to carve out time and make it a priority, which again, becomes a little bit harder when you're collecting more and more responsibilities. I do think that the longer you go without putting yourself out there, it's a muscle. It becomes a little bit harder, a little bit scarier. A lot of it is just kind of saying, okay, I'm going to take this leap, I'm

19:39going to take this jump. If I've opted for something that feels worth my time anyways, and there's this wonderful byproduct of meeting people, making connections, this will be worth my time, no matter what. Life can change in and instant, and fall is the busy season for it. School's back, the days are shorter and the roads are fuller. One moment, everything feels normal, and the next, someone else's mistake turns your world upside down. That's when you need a team you can count on. NACE Law Group has been standing up for DC families for decades, fighting for neighbors hurt by medical malpractice, wrongful death, and serious injuries. They don't just settle quickly, they dig in, fight hard, and push for the justice every client deserves. And there are a long time supporter of CityCast because just like us, they care about this community and the people who call it home. So if you or someone you care about has been hurt, don't wait, call NACE Law Group. They'll stand with you, fight for your family, and make sure your rights are protected so you can focus on what

20:42matters most. Visit WashingtonDCInjuryLoyers.com. That's WashingtonDCInjuryLoyers.com. It's easy to say this, and there are definitely times where I think, oh, I should really be going out, I've been spending a lot of time at home, I myself, yada yada yada. How do you make yourself get up and get out of your comfort zone? It seems like that would be the biggest challenge and the biggest step just showing up. Yeah, I mean, I think it's kind of similar the way I said it was a muscle. It's similar to like going out for a run where it's you're sitting on the couch, you're like, I really don't want to do this. I know this will be good for me, and you have to just kind of think with the end in mind, I think. Instead of thinking about the process, this is scary, I'm putting myself out there, I'm taking this time, I'm taking this energy, I think you just have to think about that end result. This is the only way I'm going to meet people. So if this is something that I want, I have to go and do it. And kind of being a little bit mind over matter in these things.

21:47I do think meeting people is more fun than running, I will say. So there's a little bit more you can encourage there, but there is a level of this does require putting yourself out there, which again is scary, but the nice thing is everyone there is. That's what everyone there is doing. You know, whenever I've been in these spaces, we recommend you meet people. It's always interesting to see there's this first layer of people saying, you know, I'm interested in this thing. I want to learn more about this. And then there's always this underlying. What always comes out is that people are seeking connection. Otherwise, they'd be doing these kinds of things at home by themselves. So inherently, there is a desire for connection and shared across everyone. So I think, again, going back to this idea that we're not the only lonely ones. It feels isolating, but walk into a room and, you know, imagine all these people are here to connect as well. And I think that really helps kind of take the anxiety out of it, but also there's something motivating about that. That this is worth the energy. Yeah, that's that's a really good tip. And I think it's important,

22:51especially as we age, you know, if you are someone who might not be thinking that like long-term partnership or marriage is for you, maybe kids aren't for you, then really you really do have to have nourishing friendships that will last you through. Like, that's just going to be very important. And so I think it's especially with the age and question. I think just like really prompting yourself to make those connections and keep them, I think, becomes even more important. I will say this as it pertains to age. The most recent group of friends I've made are all retirees. Oh, there are this group of women I've met. They're amazing retirees. So not only is there kind of an age gap between us and we've still managed to find connection, but these are women at a stage of life that are still putting themselves out there, still seeking this. So I think that even though loneliness can be ageless, so can making a friend at any stage in life, making a connection at any stage in life. Oh my gosh. I love the idea of a robust friend of of prior retirees. That I want to go to

23:58brunch with these ladies. Oh my gosh. They're amazing. And they've given me, you know, not just wisdom that comes with age. They're not going to like that. I said that, but they are funny and hilarious and humorous. And we connect on things that have nothing to do with age at all. So I think it's also being open-minded in what these connections can look like. You know, we were starting this conversation talking about how the district may be one of the loneliest cities in the country, but are there advantages that DC has in fighting that loneliness that maybe other places don't have? Oh, that's a great question. I mean, I think it kind of like I said, it comes down to this five to nine being this really rich territory. This is a city where there's a lot of going on. There's a lot of people who love organizing things. They love making groups that kind of idea. And I think a lot of them take the initiative to do that when they see that there's a gap in maybe something they're interested in or a community that can bring people together. I think dudes in the district, city girl DC, something

24:59different DC, these groups that are really focused on social connection. Someone had to go and start all of those. And I think that this is a city in which there's tremendous initiative. And there is a desire to connect. And it's a city full of people who are looking to follow through on that. So I think that helps. I think all of the free and expensive stuff that's around the city also makes it easy to organize these things with a low barrier to entry. You know, there's quite a few on our list of where to meet people that are completely free or you can kind of decide the cost, that type of thing. So I think that removes a large barrier to entry. And I think it's just a city full of people with really diverse interests. I think that if you're interested in anything, you can find anyone in this city who is not just interested, but excited and passionate. This is the side where being a city full of passionate people is really helpful. So I do think there's a lot going here to combat loneliness. I will also say, I think this is a great city to be alone in and to enjoy some solitude. I always say it's like the best city to be alone in. I love the

26:06idea that you can oscillate between the two. It's a city where if you want to have some solitude and have that be really meaningful, that can exist alone, but not lonely, but also a city in which really anything you're interested in, you can probably find a community. And if not, it's a city that's very generous with giving you a space to create that. Daniela, thank you so much for being here. This has been a very illuminating conversation. Thank you so much, Bridget. That is all for today here on CityCast DC. If you enjoyed the show, why not tell a friend, rate the show, leave us a review and subscribe to our morning newsletter. We'll be back tomorrow morning with even more news somewhere around the city. Talk to you soon.