Who is more awkward than Anon?? - Awkward Greentext Stories

0:00Looking for the perfect rental? Discover top rated stays loved by guests, rated highest by real guests through authentic reviews. These traveler loved stays are recognized by the details that matter most and validated by real experiences. Choose confidently for rentals you can trust. Verbo, book now of occasion rental loved by guests. Meet the Red Bull Dragonberry Emergizer. It's one of the many new drinks out now. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire? Try them all only at McDonald's. Hey kids, how do you like green tanks? Here's a bunch of them. Anyways, meet girl online. We talk a lot. Decide to meet up in real life. We meet up have a lot of fun. It's time to go home.

1:01She tells me she really enjoyed spending time with me. I tell her that I also had fun. We talk a bit more. She implies that she wants to date me. Leans in to kiss me. My mind is racing. If we date, we will eventually have sex. Which means that she'll see my penis, which is small. It's gonna be fine there. She also will realize my complete lack of experience with this matter. Oh God. I don't even know how to kiss. Stop her from kissing me. She's inches from my face, looking into my eyes. What's wrong with none? She says, I reply, we can't be together. She takes a step back. She asks, what did I do? It's not that you didn't do anything. Well, what is it? She looks very hurt. Almost like she might start crying. Oh, fuck. I didn't want to make her sad. I care about her, but I don't want to tell her

2:01that we can't date because I'm too insecure about my dong. I try to think of something to say. You're still looking at me. Absolutely miserable. I need to say something. Anything I can't be with you because Oh God, come on, I need something because I'm actually a ghost. Okay. Yeah, you live in the sick sense. Whoa. I cannot believe I just said that. She looks at me a mixture of disbelief and sadness on her face. She mutters, okay. She walks away, never talks to me again. Dude, this was like a gift from the heavens. And you walked away from it. Why are you insecure about it, then, non? Is it like a real legit micro-pp or just like smaller than average size? Either way, I'm sure she could learn to appreciate it.

3:05If you really want to have a relationship, then this is what it is. Okay, this is what I got to work with. Take it, leave it. She was trying to take it, but then, non, he just couldn't pull the trigger. You got your cock in her, but you don't have the balls to fuck. And I think that's sad. They say it's like the motion of the ocean, the sub like that. She might be equally inexperienced and not even know that it's teeny tiny. Oh, you played yourself a non. That's sad. Congratulations. You played yourself. At least it's not the saddest story in the video, though. So come home from work. Dad's sitting on the laptop. He looks weird. He's holding his breath. Greed him and sit down. He suddenly releases a gargantuan amount of smoke into the air. Literally the most smoke I have ever seen. Hi, son. He starts laughing. And I look at his laptop. There's a Google search up for horny Doritos.

4:05Ha, ha, ha. WTF, dad. Run upstairs and hide in my room. Fast forward two hours. Knock on my door and dad is there with two tickets to Bangkok. Boys only trip. No moms allowed. How do I tell my dad that I don't want to go with him without hurting his feelings? Your dad does seem like a pretty weird guy. What is the smoking thing? Just getting high, looking up horny Doritos buying tickets to Bangkok. He's an interesting guy. I'd like to hear more about your dad. Unfortunately, OP never delivers. This is for a chance. That's all we get. Moving on. Go to gym. This is from fit. First time ever working out. Exhausted from doing bicep curls for an hour. Decide to go for a run to lose weight was fat. Played sports on my life, but never actually ran. Don't know how to use the fancy new treadmill with all its buttons. Stay in there for like two minutes. Just staring at the treadmill. Pretending to stretch hot babe in booty shorts.

5:07Gets on treadmill next to me. Ask her how to turn the treadmill on like a fucking the Anderthal. She turns it on for me. We start our run at the exact same time. Realize that I can't finish before her or else I'll look like a total whoosh. I have never run for longer than two minutes in my whole life. Hockey, soccer, rugby, baseball are mostly just short sprints. She decides to run for 45 minutes. Yeah, she's do love that cardio, right? But this is a good way to start, OP. Every run after this is gonna feel like a vacation if you live through it. Around 20 minutes is when my brain shut off. Out of body experience, pretty much blacked out and came to around 44 minutes when she started decreasing her speed. She hits the cool down button. I slam my fist on the off button. Don't even take a cool down. Don't even go to the changing room.

6:08Walk straight home. Bro, you walked home after that? I'm impressed dude. It's always leg day. I sleep for 16 hours straight. At least I didn't look like a whoosh. Now I run five kilometers a day, but I will never forget that oh shit moment. She probably wouldn't have judged you. I think that people get to in their own heads and think that everybody's watching them. When really, she's just carrying on with her day. She could give a fuck less how much time you're doing on the treadmill. But okay, whatever keeps your ego intact I guess. All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer incompetent co-workers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over 48 hours since I had last taken a dump. It always circles back around and then.

7:08I had tried to jumpstart the dumping process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work and adding a bean laden lunch at Taco Bell. Oh my god, you don't know what you're doing. Once crack a toe of blows dude, it's over. You're gonna wreck the whole office. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that big things would be happening soon. Bro, prepare yourself, that's all I could say. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my fiance. No, don't do that. I completed this task and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sales sign proclaiming everything must go. This was prophetic. Pfft.

8:09Pfft. For at this point, my colon informed me with a sudden violet cramp and a wet squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms, I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered zero through four. I write a lot of software for your convenience. Zero occupied one clean, but bathroom protocol forbids its use as it's next to the occupied one. Two, who on seat? Three, poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquids plattered on seat. Four, no toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near the base of the toilet. Dude, screw bathroom protocol at this point. This is an emergency and OP has the same line of logic. He says clearly it had to be stall number one. So I trudged back, entered, dropped, trow and sat down.

9:09I'm normally a fairly shameful shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but you know, big things were a foot. I was just getting ready to bear down. When all of a sudden, the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice, answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly eight decibels louder than it needed to be. Out of shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. I don't know, man. The cell phone would make me poop extra loud because I think it's hilarious. But good for you and your shame, OP. I haven't had shame for a long time now. I forget what that's like. The inane conversation went on, and Mr. Shitter was blathering to the misses about the shit David had, and I sat there ramping and miserable, just waiting for him to finish.

10:10As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I too had had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about it in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get to crapping soon, my day would become even crappier. Finally, my anger reached a point that overcame my shamefulness. I no longer cared. There you go. Let it all go. Carings overrated. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude. There you go. You're gonna assert your dominance. They're gonna hang up the phone right now. A cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and a plywood being torn off of a wall. That's so descriptive.

11:14Not in a disgusting way either. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavy modulated low RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall and it shook gently. Ha ha ha ha. The whole thing's gonna collapse, dude. You can't hold that brown note for too long. What's my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze? Three things became apparent. One, the next door conversation had ceased. Two, my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come. And three, the bathroom was now beset by a horrible eldritch stench. Ha ha ha. I love this, dude. It's horrible, disgusting, uncomfortable, but it's right in my comfort zone, weirdly enough. It was as if a gateway to hell had been opened.

12:15The phalmiasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop mate. Ha ha ha. This initial herald fart had ended his conversation in mid sentence. Oh my God, I heard him utter, followed by the suppressed sounds of choking and then, no baby, that wasn't me. Ha ha. You could hear that. Ha. Now there was no stopping me. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. I pushed for all I was word. That's right. All you could do is lean into it, you know? This guy's gonna learn his lesson one way or the other. Poop may or not. Gotta search that dominance. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off of the pot. Ha ha ha.

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14:21Next door, I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony. Gotta go horrible. Throw up in my mouth. Not make it. Telekids love them. Oh, God. Followed by the sounds of more suppressed gagging and wretching. Dude, did you, did you kill him? I know methane can be deadly in high enough quantities, but I guess OP strong enough to survive his own brand. Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by a string of swear words and gags. My poop mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

15:21Just leave it, bro. There was a low in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. You didn't even wash your hands, you maniac! After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who would be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world that handled that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with this fill.

16:23I guess that's pragmatic of you. As I left, I glanced into the next door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl, had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with his nasty unwashed hands? Well, the world will never know. He definitely didn't leave it. Nobody leaves their phone in a toilet. Even if it's broken beyond repair, you still gotta get it. That's just how it works. And so, our OP exits the bathroom. Momentarily proud and shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me, but I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my shamefulness to my anonymous poop mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public. And I doubt that he'll ever answer his cell phone in the Lou. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone

17:26in the bathroom. Bro, you just missed the whole moral of the story. This, my friends, is why you should not eat Taco Bell and brand flakes and a bunch of coffee. You created this eldritch horror. Although, I guess karma was enacted on your behalf. But I don't know, man, you really should make the punishment fit the crime. I don't think talking on a phone in the bathroom is equivalent. He must have done some terrible stuff outside of that bathroom. That's what I have to go with. He's just a terrible human being. That's why it happened to him. OP also a terrible human being just in a slightly different way. You might need a minute to recover from that one. But if you do, just pause the video because we're continuing on usually by my weekly groceries at the same store. There's this maybe seven to eight out of 10. Not perfect, but cute cashier. She's always smiling at me and making small talking shit. Yeah, she's totally into you and not just doing a job. High five, OP.

18:26Finally realized that she's not just being nice. She is though. She's my red heart. Gather all my courage and go to the store again. Buy my usual stuff and pick her line. She offers me the receipt. How about you write your number on it? She blushes bright red and writes down a number. I smile and say I'll call her. I'm so you fork that I'm not thinking right. I don't usually hold on to receipts. I glances at the receipt, crumple it and toss it into the trash bin by the door in full view of her panic and just walk out. Devilish. The lightfully devilish see more. She did actually write her phone number. She just wrote four. Oh, you want some numbers? I got some numbers for eight three. Did you need more? Please never come back here again. In grade two, draw dogs and all the way

19:29as Waldo books in the library. I have no idea why. Maybe just for the thrill of knowing that I'm doing something bad. Yeah, that's kids. Whenever I do so, the school buys a new copy. They know it's the same person because I only target Waldo. After seven or eight destroyed Waldo dick books, they begin putting them in special supervised sections of the library on a bench. No one was allowed to carry them off. And that old librarian bitch kept the rise on them 24-7. The precious Waldo books. My Waldo book. Oh, mom and dad are out of town for an evening. So I hatched my master plan. After class is over, I go to the back of the library and hide in the cabinet playing on my Game Boy color until the school closes. Okay, I'm gonna let you finish it on. But the Game Boy color doesn't have a backlight so you can't play it inside of a cabinet. God, I'm fast forward four hours.

20:30It's the evening. I'm walking around the library. Not a soul insight. Walk over to the Wairz Waldo podium where a stack of ten books is sitting. Untouched. Ready to be defiled. Spend the next three hours drawing Dicks all over them. Put them back in place. Unlock the doors to walk out of the school and go home on the biggest high ever. How did you unlock the doors? Like, fan the janitor? I don't know if I'm buying this one. You don't got a lie to kick it a non. Have I ever told you that before? I felt like a secret agent. Slash gangster slash rebel. The next day an assembly is held. And the principal talks to everyone about vandalism and the books. The school ended up spending a ton of money and installed 20 cameras around the school to catch anyone breaking in. I had already won. The damage had already been done. Yes, the smallest possible victory.

21:30We take those apparently. Who superpowers here? Sitting on floor in my fuzzy footy footy of jammies playing Vigia. Come fee as fuck that JPEG. All of a sudden rumbling in the tummy. Mommy make me some tandys. Oh, dude, we should do like a whole tandys green text video. I'll have chat gpt right it. Anon's mommy says, Anon, you already had tandys for lunch. You need to eat some veggies. Drag ass across carpet like my doggy ace. Rub feet on carpet. Touch mummy crack. Let out a massive shock. Stop anon. That hurts. What is even happening right now? Make me tandys or I give you a shocker. My face. When I harness the power of electricity to get my way.

22:33Wow, that's big brain time, isn't it? And that is why Anon always wears fuzzy footy pajamas. Mystery solved. And I bet next time mummy's gonna make them tandys without need the BS twice. Won't you mummy? Yes, Anon. This is getting really weird. I love tandys green text, dude. Be out of party. Nine out of ten. Checking me out. Okay, yeah. Then everybody clap. Dance with her. Stay in her eyes. She's got moon earrings. Oh shit, I just remembered. I run out of the party, drive home. Spend the whole night checking out lunar eclipse. No regrets. You're a weird guy. You're a weird guy and you make weird decisions. But I admire you for sticking to your guns. I guess. Text support horror thread. Text support horror thread.

23:33Share your stories. Be me. We're at midsize software company IT support. Some new guy gets a job as a programmer. Claims that he has worked on very big projects before, but he can't name them. Suss. Fast forward two weeks. Calls me and claims his computer's crashing every few minutes. Walk up to his desk and watch him work until it crashes again. Have lean ox on a stick with me at all times. Booted up. Ask him if he's been visiting any kind of not so legit websites. No, man. I'm clean. Get sweaty and nervous once I browse through the personal files. Downloads folder has multiple zips with cryptic names inside of them. I don't know, man. They were always there. One of them is 163 gigabytes big. Opening it takes almost 10 minutes. Tons of folders with Russian names. All of them are filled with videos of sheep's being shaved for whatever reason.

24:36Shave around my f***ing ass. Shut that f***ing thing up my f***ing thing up my f***ing immediately. Shave me off the f***ing thing. I mean, we can't necessarily fire him for the sheep shaving video, but come up with something, man. Next time he's late, just just cut him loose. This dude is too weird to hang around any longer. Uh, last one for the day, alright? Work it out in the middle of the night. Finish workout. Shower in the dressing room. Notice I left my towels at home. Rookie. Oh, for f*** sake. I notice a roll of toilet paper. Left by the cleaners on a bench. Desperate times, I guess. Grab some paper and dab it on my body. Not efficient enough. Just take the entire roll and start wrapping individual body parts in TP. Get carried away. My entire body's wrapped up like a mummy face included. Here's someone enter the room. Oh, God. Some guy walks in and sees me.

25:37Time. Fries is. Longest eye contact I have ever had. Guy spins on his heels and walks out without a word. Can't blame him. If I had encountered the sun, God, bra, I'd flee too. I mean, given that situation, that's probably the best thing that he could have done. There's no fixing this. That guy has to fix himself. I'm not, I'm not capable of this. I wasn't ready to see a mummy at the gym today. I'll tell you what I was ready to see though. Some liking, commenting and or subscribing. Thank you so much if you do any of those things. Maybe share the video around. Like it. Like it. I got all kinds of social medias down there in the description. Thank you as always to my Patreon and YouTube channel members. You guys just killing it. Join up if you can if not. That's cool. Just join us again tomorrow. Keep yourself safe out there. Wash your hands. And of course, always remember friends that you are loved. You are worthy and you definitely, definitely deserve it. I shall see you in the next one and in two then.

26:38Bye. Bye. It's only worth it if you work for it. I won't stop till they hear me now. I won't stop till I wear the crown.