SOLO | Make Money by Building Friendships in Your 30s

0:00I have created the most advanced AI soldier. The weight is over. Tronaries now streaming on Disney+. We are looking for something. Something you've discovered. And some of us will stop at nothing to get it. Ready? The countdown is complete. There's no going back. Dr. Rektiv is clear. Hang on! Tronaries now streaming on Disney+. You're listening to the Travis Makes Money Podcast presented by GoHighLevel.com for a free 30-day trial of the best all-in-one digital marketing software tool on the planet. Just go to GoHighLevel.com slash Travis. Hey everybody, welcome back to the show. Today we are answering the question, why is it so difficult to make friends in your 30s? It's basically every decade of life. Anything past your teens, people are like,

1:00how do you make friends in your 20s? How do you make friends in your 30s? And you get into 40s? How do you make friends in your 40s? How do you make friends in your 50s? The answer is, it is more difficult. And there are a few reasons why. So let's dive into a couple of reasons why. And then we'll talk about how do we combat this? How do we actually go about making new friends as we get older? First off, why it's so hard to make friends in your 30s in general? Number one, increased self-awareness leads to a decrease in mutual interests. This sort of just happens as you get older. When you're younger, there's fewer threads, or there's more threads of commonality to pull on, meaning that when you are growing up in school, you see these people all the time, you have core commonalities, meaning that you probably live in the same area. You have the same teachers, you're studying the same things, you have a lot of the same similar shared life experience, which is why when you meet some, when you reconnect with somebody from growing up in your 30s, it can be a little bit easier to hang out with those people

2:00because you have a ton of shared mutual experiences from the past. But as you get older, one of the cool things about getting older is that you have an increased level of self-awareness. You understand like, okay, I don't vibe with this type of a person. I don't like this type of a personality. I don't really want to live my life in this sort of way. I'd actually prefer to live my life in this sort of a way. So the more self-awareness that you get, the more difficult it is to find the commonality with other people because they're also becoming more self-aware. They're also becoming their own individual person, their own unique person. So as we all get older together, when you connect with somebody, it becomes more difficult to connect with them on a commonality level because you both have different interests and you've grown up enough to understand what your interests really are. Whereas when you get roomed with somebody in college, it's like, you don't really even know. I mean, everybody's just trying to figure out who they are. So it's a little bit easier to connect with everybody

3:01because everybody's just open to connect with anybody because they haven't experienced the pain of a bad friendship or the experience the pain of a betrayal before. And so you're just sort of green to all of those things and open to way more connection than somebody who's a little bit older who might be a tad jaded, who had a negative experience in the past. So increased self-awareness leads to a decrease in mutual interest. Time management is increasingly more difficult to older. We have other priorities, something that we kind of talked about on a previous episode. We got work. We got family, both immediate family, meaning that if you're married, you have your spouse and your kids. If you have kids, if you don't have those things, then you still have your immediate family, your parents, or your brothers and sisters. There's work obligations, there's family obligations. And then if you want to do any sort of personal work outside of that, like go into the gym or reading a book or just managing your life, like being on hold for three and a half hours to talk to your insurance company, to change your policy, your bank calls you.

4:02There's just a bunch of adult life stuff that gets in the way. So time management becomes increasingly more difficult because there's just less time to be able to just go do random stuff where you might have the chance encounter of meeting somebody that actually becomes a friend. Not to mention you throw in rest. It's like at some point you got to sleep. Sleep's pretty important. So you just have way more demands in your time. And then you add that to number one, which is the self-awareness piece. It's like, man, well, I went out the last three weekends and all that ended up happening was I spent a bunch of money and I met a bunch of douchebags, so I didn't enjoy. And frankly, I would rather just be by myself and drink some wine and watch a show that I know I enjoy by myself in the comfort of my home for this evening because I just want to relax. And so you start choosing those things instead of going out and seeking opportunities to meet more people. And then the last thing that I wrote down on this is that you don't have existing friend circles that help you meet new people. And this is especially true if you are in a new city

5:03or you've just took a new job or there's something new in your life, is that you don't have, you know, if you stayed in your hometown and you hang out with all the same friends, it might be easier to meet new people because your buddy got a job at this place and met a couple of people there who are similar to your friend group. And so when you go out to the bar this weekend, you're invited out a couple of his new work friends. And now you can meet those people and potentially make friends there. And you know that you have some sort of commonality or else your friend wouldn't have connected with those people. But if you move to a new city and you're in a new place and all of a sudden all of that, that's all gone. You don't have this existing network of people who are bringing new people into your world. So how do we combat this? How do we combat all of these things? First off, you got to be a master of your schedule. So if you're in a position, especially if you're in a new city and you're really trying to go out and meet new people or make new friends, then do not allow for dead time in your calendar. So this does not mean that you don't get to rest. This does not mean that you don't ever get to relax one

6:03like by yourself with a bottle of wine and a good Netflix show. It doesn't mean that you don't get those things. It just means that that should also be scheduled. Right? So schedule rest, schedule, schedule, Netflix date with myself Friday night. I am not going to cancel on that. It's like the like the Grinch. I can't cancel that again. You just want to want to make sure that you're putting these things in your calendar because if you schedule the activity, then you're more likely to go do that thing. And bonus points if you have a firm. America leads the world in medicine development. It matters. We get new medicines first, nearly three years faster. Five million Americans go to work because we make medicines here at home. And not relying on other countries keeps us safe. But China is racing to overtake us. Will we let them or will we choose to stay ahead? When America leads, America cures. Let's toe Washington to keep us in the lead. Learn how at AmericaCures.com. Pay for by Farma.

7:04This episode is brought to you by Indeed. Stop waiting around for the perfect candidate. Instead, use Indeed sponsor jobs to find the right people with the right skills fast. It's a simple way to make sure your listing is the first candidate see. According to Indeed data, sponsor jobs have four times more applicants than non-sponsored jobs. So go build your dream team today with Indeed. Get a $75 sponsor job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. And or an accountability partner or somebody who's also trying to go do some of these things. Maybe you meet somebody out in an effort to make new friendships. And it's like, okay, well, what are you doing? Oh, you're going to that thing next Thursday night? Okay, well, I'm going to go do that thing with you. Text me and make sure that I show up. Just don't allow for dead space in your calendar because that dead space will more than likely be filled with the thing that's easiest for you to fill it with, which means that you're probably just going to spend more time by yourself at home scrolling TikTok or watching the latest Netflix show, which as we've discussed in previous episodes

8:05is not social activity. So schedule out your calendar completely. Do not allow for any dead space in your calendar. Put something on the calendar, even if it is going to dinner by yourself. So be a master of your of your schedule. Do not let your schedule be a master of you. Next, go out after dinner and work at coffee shops if you work virtually. Just get used to doing more things in public instead of being home. So instead of, if you know you got a deadline coming up and you just finished dinner and you're just going to bust out some work on your laptop and your kitchen, instead of doing it there, go out to a bar, go out to a coffee shop, go out somewhere else and do the same work that you were going to do at home, but just do it there. And again, if you don't have a lot of money to make, you're trying to save money, order the cheapest thing on the menu, get a glass of water every other round or do something that's going to not hurt your wallet when you do this. Obviously, or else you can just end up spending an extra like

9:06a thousand bucks a month on going out, but it is vital that you just go out and be a part of society when you're doing things that you could normally do just by yourself at your home. And then when you're out, try to meet somebody. Just make it a goal. Like, I'm going to work at this coffee shop and my rule for myself while I go work at this place is that I have to meet one person who I've never met before. I have to shake hands with somebody. I have to say something to somebody. I have to comment on somebody's purse or bag or shoes or hair or something that just initiates some sort of a conversation with somebody who I would not have had the pleasure of meeting otherwise. Have open body language. What are you sitting there? If you're going to go sit at the bar and get a little bit of work done, which I've done on a number of occasions, sit on the corner of the bar so that you can have this sort of openness to see everybody in each direction and pick your head up from your work every once in a while. Make eye contact with people.

10:06Have this open body language and then make whatever unattached comments that you can. If they reciprocate, introduce yourself. I was at a bar one time in... I think it was in Miami and I was sitting down and just getting a little bit of work done. There was a basketball game on TV and I noticed the guy sitting next to me kept looking up at the TV and watching the game. I commented something about the game to the guy and I said something about whatever. I don't know some player. The guy looks over me and goes like, I don't really follow basketball and then just turned back. And I was like, well, that is a perfect example of me trying to say something. It was absolutely not reciprocated at all. Maybe just didn't want to talk or maybe he just thought I only wanted to talk about basketball. Either case, I didn't push it. I'm not going to bug the person who's trying to be by themselves. But also, I'm going to make an effort just to initiate some conversation around something that I thought was a commonality because he kept looking up at the TV. Turns out he was probably just anxious socially

11:09and was trying to just do something with his eyes as he ate dinner by himself at the bar because he didn't actually watch basketball or follow basketball at all and no idea what I was talking about. It was a perfect example of, hey, made an effort but look, nothing bad happened. There's no negative social consequences here. This is the cool thing about making friends versus something like getting involved in a romantic relationship, asking somebody out is there's also virtually no consequences to asking somebody out except for that the rejection might just feel a little bit more personal and might hurt a little bit more. But when you're making friends, there's no reason to take any of that stuff personally and I wasn't going to try to force this person into a conversation. It was just like, hey, I thought you were watching the game. I mentioned something about the game. Apparently, you don't care about that and you want to be by yourself cool in the worries. But then later in the same evening, a couple guys end up sitting a few chairs away from me

12:11and I heard something about one of them saying something about work or marketing or something and I caught my attention. And so I threw out a comment about the marketing industry or something. We ended up talking for 20, 30 minutes and then connecting on social media afterwards and nothing ever came from it. We never ended up meeting up again and frankly, I don't even remember their names I don't remember if I even still follow them on Instagram anymore. But it was a good example of both of those things happening, I guess, in the same night. I was what I'm trying to say is that you just never know. Just say something. Train yourself to say one more thing. That's one of the best pieces of practical advice that I heard about this. I think it was from Charlie, from Khrisman Command. He basically just says that to people. It's just like, try to say one more thing. In your normal interactions with the Starbucks barista or with the bartender or with the person taking your order at the restaurant, just get used to saying one more thing. You'd usually just say, hey, I want a coffee and then you order your drink and then that's it. Say something else about the day, about the weather,

13:12about, like I said, their hair. If you don't know what to say, compliments are always a really good thing. Obviously, there can be some sort of a limit there, especially if you're a dude and you're complimenting a woman. Understand there are some social ramifications if you start being a little bit creepy or they might think that you're asking them out when you're not. So there's some, a little bit of danger zone here, but most of the time, people like hearing things that are positive about themselves. So just don't be a creep and default to compliments when you can because everybody likes hearing good stuff about themselves. And frankly, frankly, compliments from a stranger to me, I feel like go a longer way than even compliments from friends. You know what I mean? So don't be, don't be frugal with your compliments. Don't be cheap with your compliments. Give them out freely because there's no, there's no negative social consequences to giving out compliments. Everybody likes hearing good compliments. And then engage if what you enjoy and find,

14:13sorry, engage in what you enjoy, little typo in my notes here. Engage in what you enjoy in fine ways to give people more compliments. So maybe make people feel good about themselves. People will never remember what you say, but they'll always remember how you make them feel. Don't be a creep. And then just remember that it takes pressure off of the first impression. If somebody's first impression of you is a compliment to them, then they're more likely to remember you in a positive light, just in general. So it'll also give you some additional things to talk about potentially. So don't be, don't be shy with your compliments. Don't be shy by saying anything. Just say something, people. The future belongs to those who are most willing to risk rejection constantly. That's just the truth. That's the facts. If you are willing to risk rejection more often than other people, then you will probably gain access to more opportunities than other people will gain. So especially, especially, especially as technology continues to improve, AI continues to improve, and people's soft skills continue to degrade.

15:13You will be able to stand out in a sea of people who don't know what to say and don't know how to talk to people. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did, and have one of your assistance assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Up front payment of $45 for three month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra, fee full terms at MintMobile.com. Security program on spreadsheets, new regulations piling up, and audit dread, it's time for Vanta. Vanta automates security and compliance, brings evidence into one place, and cuts audit prep by 82%. Less manual work, clear visibility, faster deals, zero chaos. Call it compliance, or call it, calm compliance. Get it? Join the 15,000 companies using Vanta to prove trust.

16:14Go to vant.com slash calm. Somebody who has a strategic advantage in that version of the world. So start the conversation, say something, first, you know, the first thing you thought of, something about the sports game, something about what they're wearing, or the jewelry that they have, or their hair cut, or, you know, something like that. So just start, I guess, is really the solution here. Be a master of your schedule, go out to places when you're doing something that you could normally do at home by yourself, if you can do it out, go do it out, and then force yourself to engage with the people who are around you. Even if it's something small, even if it doesn't go anywhere, you will honestly feel better about yourself. You'll feel more, like, you contributed to something that day. And even if you never talked to that person again, I guarantee you, when that person gets home, and you offered them a compliment about something, I guarantee you, the first thing out of their mouth is going to be like, a coffee shop told me that my, you know, shoes were really cool.

17:16Or somebody at the coffee shop said something about my hair, and I really appreciated that. Like, it's going to be something that that person goes and talks about to their friend group. And you have the ability to make that type of a positive impact, and make somebody's day a little bit brighter, don't pass on those things. Just say it, you never know what people are going through, and what type of encouragement people need to hear. And you never know if that it might lead to something really cool in your life. But I guarantee you, that just opting to be by yourself all the time is not going to lead to any potential opportunities in your life. Although I do find that hanging out with myself is really important, and building a good relationship yourself is vital and valuable. If you only ever build a relationship with yourself, there are still consequences for doing that. Like we talked about in a previous episode. There's the difference between social isolation and loneliness. You know, loneliness is the subjective internal feeling of not belonging, and a social isolation is the objective third party measurement of how much time you spend with the people. If you are somebody who does not feel feelings of loneliness,

18:16but you are socially isolated, there's just as many physical and mental health consequences to that, as there are to somebody who feels internal subjective feelings of loneliness, even though they're surrounded by people. So don't delude yourself into thinking that you just don't need people. We all need people. We're all hardwired biologically to crave social connection and belonging, so do not leave that part out of the equation. So that's it for this episode of the show. How to make better friends in your 30s. Get out, talk to people. The bad news here guys is that it's going to take work. You're going to be uncomfortable. You're going to have to engage with uncertainty. But that is how literally everything in life is. So stop demanding so much of life. Stop demanding that life meet all of your expectations without being willing to give life, you know, meet life halfway. It's like you demand all these things from God, from life, from the universe, from whatever it is that you believe, yet you just sit at home and just hope that you can manifest it into existence.

19:16It's just not how it works. You got to get out and you got to do stuff that makes you uncomfortable. And this is definitely one of those activities that's worthy of the discomfort that you might feel when you engage in it. So that's it for this episode of the show. Thanks so much for tuning in. Catch you guys in the next one. Peace.