Safe and Sound: Security Talk with Mary Eckert

0:00Welcome to Safe and Sound Security Talk with your host, Sunday Espazito. In a world where safety is paramount, we bring you the latest insights, expert advice, and innovative solutions to help you stay protected and prepared. Our show covers all aspects of keeping you and your loved ones safe. Stay tuned, stay secure, and let's get started with today's episode. Welcome back to Safe and Sound Security Talk on your host, Sunday Espazito. Today I'm joined by Mary Ecker, author of Wounded Sisters. We're going to talk about the story behind the book, What Inspired Mary to Write It, the relationships and experiences that shaped its message, and some of the deeper themes she hopes readers will take away from it. Mary, thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you so much for having me. Absolutely. So let's start with a little bit before we get into Wounded Sisters.

1:00Can you tell our listeners a little bit about yourself and your journey to becoming an author? Well, I'm a retired nurse. I was in nursing for over 20 years. And my first love was always writing. I've always loved to write. Ever since I was a little girl and I loved to read. And one of the things, the first thing I ever really wrote was back in the fifth grade, there was a play and I wanted to be in the play and I did not get chosen. So I told my teacher I was going to write my own play, which I did. And she had it, we put it on for the third, fourth and fifth grades. And she was the one, teacher was the one that really inspired me because she was so proud of me for doing something like that. And you know, teachers are so important to children, especially when they're young to give them the encouragement they needed. And I'll never forget that. And that was back in the fifth grade and I'm nearly 74 now and I've never forgotten it.

2:04Yeah, she could shut you down really quick, huh? She could have. She just said, no, but she let me do it. And it was life changing to me. I've never forgotten it. Now I have a picture of her and me standing together. But that's just something that a small thing that kept me going and I always love to write poetry. And during the times growing up and when things kind of went bad, I would write poems about it. And I love to write an inspirational poetry now. But and I did put a little book together that growing up in the family I grew up in, I like to tell people it was a functioning, dysfunctional family. And because my mother was a prescription drug addict and an alcoholic. So I had to deal with a lot of that being the only girl in the family. I had to take on the role of being the mother and the caregiver and taking care of my brothers.

3:05So I kind of grew up and when I got out of high school, I wanted to go to college. I went one year and then I turned around and married a man that I thought I was in love with. Only 19 years old. He was only 19, but he was an alcoholic. And it's something that I probably should not have done, but I learned a lot. And I look back now with no regrets. We've been divorced for many, many, many years. It was a very abusive marriage because he was just a man that didn't want to be married and didn't want to be a father. And I tried to make it work. I divorced him twice as a matter of fact. But what made you go back the first time? Because I thought I could make it work. A lot of women who go through abuse think they can fix it. But do you think out of my own experience, do you think and feel?

4:06That it's because we need to change ourselves to make if we do certain things, things will get better? Absolutely, Sandy. That's exactly right. I thought if I could be good enough, I would. He worked in the oil fields. So I made all his work shirts. I made his caps. I've got a four o'clock in the morning and fixed his lunch. Everything he liked. And I thought, you know, if I could just be good enough, it would make it work and the kids will have their father. But it did not. How long did you stay in the second time? The second time, about a year, until he got so bad, I just thought, you know, this is it. I can't do this anymore. My children were getting at the age where they could really understand the abuse. And I didn't want to be in that situation anymore. So I moved out and I divorced him again. I just sometimes I look back and I think, why did I even try the second time over the

5:07years? I have learned to let go of that and to, and to forgiving. I don't have any contact with him whatsoever. But did you have to forgive yourself as well? Because I went back. Oh, oh, yes. I did have to forgive myself. And I think that's the hardest thing to do as a woman who has children that, yes, it is. And I've been doing that for the last 20 years through our church, especially women who have gone through abusive situations. And I talked to them about, it's not just about forgiving the person that abused you, it's forgiving yourself. Because most abuse women make very, very poor choices because they don't know how to have a good relationship. And that's something they have to learn. And it took me years of making a whole lot of mistakes. Before I was blessed with a husband I have now, a good Christian man and we've been together

6:12for over 30 years. I want to kind of focus a little bit because of the work that I do. It's like the nonprofit in the security field. If it's okay, I do want to get to the book and what the foundation of it is and the purpose that you wrote it. But if it's okay, I'd like to stay on this for just a few minutes because a lot of our struggles that we go through and what we, whether it be therapy or however our journey goes. So many women just hearing it at that moment can relate to it and use it in their own life. So from the time that you got divorced, what kind of steps did you take as far as healing and dating to and kind of bring us to the husband that you have now? Well, after I divorced my first husband, I was working full time as a nurse and to me

7:12that was my salvation was my job. And not only just the nursing part of it, but also listening to other people and the things that they were going through. And one of the things I learned in writing was to write what you know and the things in my book and wounded sisters, all the characters are fictional characters that they're based on true events or things, emotions that I have experienced myself and also have seen. Because I want the book to be real and I want to use it as a ministry tool to reach out and help women who have been wounded. And woundedness, abuse comes in all different sizes. There's verbal abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse. And all of those abuses leave scars and the characters in my book, they all have different

8:14different parts of that. Even to the point of abusing themselves, one of the stories in the and wounded sisters has to do with a young woman who was being abused physically by her husband and she had enough and she physically killed him. She had to have more than she could take. And I will tell you and I don't share this with a lot of people, but because of who you are and what you do, there was a point in my life when I thought about that. I honestly thought about it because it's getting so bad. I just wanted it to end even to the point of wanting to take his life. And that scared me so bad, that's when I left first time. That's when I left the first time. But part of that story is in my and wounded sisters, it's not me, but the idea, the feeling

9:14of just wanting to make it and make it stop up and a lot of women feel that way. And several have actually gone to that point. Yes, they're committing that. Correct. So we're going to take a quick break, Mary. Okay. And we'll be right back. You like that bone? I got a great price on it. Did you see my tail when that chewy box showed up? Oh, I saw it. Sorry about the vase. Can we just say vase like normal people? Fine. I always wondered what it would be like to have a tail. Maybe you did one time, maybe a thousand years from now, I'll be tailless using that chewy app to get you grade presses on treats. Pretty sure it takes more than a thousand years. Foss. Say more on what they love with everyday great prices at Chewie. Welcome back, everyone. I'm Sunday Esposito. I'm your host, safe and sound security talk. And my guest today is Mary Ecker. We're talking about the book, wounded sisters.

10:15She's the author of that book. Mary, we were talking about leaving the toxic relationship that you were in and you're talking a little bit about the journey from going from that relationship to now a loving healthy relationship that you have with your current husband. I think it's really important to share these things with our listeners because the reason that safe and sound security talk is here is not just about physical protection, what we can do to protect our families, but it's also about emotional protection and what we can do to get out of situations and heal from those situations. And that you know what, a lot of people when they feel that there is no hope and that there is not going to be a second chance for them. Here in your story and other women's story like yours that there is hope and you do get another chance is I really want to encourage other women and men as well that's been in toxic relationships to kind of hear about how you went from tragedy toxic to healthy and

11:17loving. So could you share a little bit about like how long of the period it went that you were you know single dating and briefly about how you met him and what the difference is and maybe the things that you guys do to stay healthy and loving towards each other. Okay. When I finally walked away, I dated some, but it wasn't all that great. But when I finally started changing myself and looking for a healthy relationship and also Sunday I'm a Christian and I started going back to church and I got involved with a group of women. I was a home health nurse with them and they were all Christian women and they gathered around me. They knew my story. They prayed with me and gradually my life started changing for the better because I had gotten again. I was raised as a Christian, but through all the abuse before I just kind of wasn't acting

12:21like a Christian, but these women gathered around me and supported me and led me in a different direction looking for a man in my life and I might start crying here in a minute because that's okay. I think it's important. I think it's me. I think our emotions are really important for listeners because you know what they've got that hurt and they've got that struggle and they're looking for some encouragement. So absolutely feel comfortable and I hope you feel vulnerable enough to share. Well, I started praying and I told the Lord I said, I want somebody in my life that loves me for who I am. The battles walk beside me. They'll help raise my children. That's a good Christian man who's sensitive and loving and I started going to church with him. I met him at a church service and it was so sweet. I got to think this will never work.

13:23He's too good for me. He doesn't know my past. He doesn't know my story. Well over time, he did know my past and he did know my story and he loved me anyway. But you didn't feel the value in yourself though. That's the sad part about it. Yeah. He gave me every woman wants security in their life. They want to feel honored and loved and appreciated and they want to have the kindness, not just a sexual kindness, but a hug, a real kindness and that is what my husband gave to me. He loved my kids. My boys just asked, they call him pops. That is their pops. And we had grandchildren now. He didn't have any children, his natural children, but he has my sons and they're just as much as they are mine. But he gave me that security and he treated me like somebody special and it was so different

14:25than anything and it was exactly what I prayed for. But you have to put God in your life. You've got to have God in your marriage. And over time, because of his love for me, I was able to let go of the hate and the anger and the hurt of the past. I was able to truly forgive my first husband. Now I can't go to him physically and I had a pastor friend tell me I didn't need to. But God knows I forget, baby. And I do and I don't carry that ball and chain around anymore. It's not for him. But that forgiveness is not for him in the first place. Yes. Forgiveness is for you. Absolutely. It's to set me free. And that is so important for every woman out there that has ever been hurt to lay it down, let it go. That's the only way you can start a new life as someone. And it's not an easy thing to do.

15:26It really is because those scars, sometimes those memories crop up. But you just say, I don't, that's not that's not meaning. That person is gone. And so it is important to forgive yourself for anything that you did because it wasn't all his fault. I did things wrong myself. And I had to forgive myself for the things that I did. Right. Back to what I was saying about security. And a woman has that safety and that security of knowing that he's going to be there in her life for the rest of her life, that she that he loves her more than anything. There isn't a day in 30 years. Now, this is the truth. There isn't a day in 30 years. That man hasn't said, I love you. There isn't a day in 30 years that he hasn't kissed me good night. It may be over the telephone because I might have been somewhere, but he kissed me good night. And he still says, I love you. It may kiss me every morning, just little things like that mean the world.

16:28And it's amazing that so many people, especially the day and age that we're in now, they think in order to show appreciation love or just letting somebody know that you're thinking of them, they put too much pressure on themselves that it has to be a grand gesture. The truth of matter is, is the majority of women, we are not needy like that. It's an appreciation. A thank you for just being you. And I love you, a hug, a kiss on the cheek. Hey, did you have a good day? Is there anything that I can do to help you? It's those little things that make a huge difference for the majority of us women that make us feel secure and heard and appreciated and loved because the majority of women out there are immediately wanting to provide and take care of their person because we're created to be nurturers and the emotional person. And so that's in our DNA, right? So that is that that's absolutely the truth every good of that Sunday, every good of

17:32that. And then when you're your partner, you know, it is a man and they're logical thinkers, you know, that it's something that we have to speak and communicate to them about what our needs are. And then once they understand it, if they are not self-centered, if they are, you know, understand and want to be in the relationship and are compassionate to you, they will listen and they will not have any problem with being there for you and providing those things for you. Absolutely. There are times when I will just, you know, most women just want to vent. They don't want anybody to fix it. And they don't need you to fix it. Right. They don't need you to fix it. So I got to where I would put my head in his lap and I'd say, okay, I just want to vent. So I would just unload and I'd look up and he said, are you finished? I said, no, because he will not say, we got this pack. He cannot say anything as long as my head is in his lap. That's amazing.

18:34Okay. So I just say, and so he doesn't say anything. Right. So when I get through Benton, I take a long deep breath and he says, kind of taught now. I said, okay. So he will say what he needs to say to help me not to fix it, but what he feels like would help me. And something else I wanted to say, if God has a way of removing people out of your lap that are toxic, 1000% and half the time we don't listen, that's the problem. That's right. And then he can move in the person he's always had for you. Yeah. And there's a little, there's a little story behind that here in a minute. I want to tell you about somebody. This man in my husband's name is De, De, W, Y. I did not know it, but God had us planned many years before I met him. And the story is that I was pregnant with my second son at a rodeo with my mother-in-law

19:41from my first husband. And there was some people's men sitting at the rodeo and they were pretty inhibited. And my hair was long and blonde. And I heard that the rodeo was over in this guy said, hey, blondie, and it was him. And that was like way before I ever met him in person. And he remembered that, but he knew it was me. That's amazing. So God remuse talks it so he can bring in your life partner that he has for you. And that's exactly what he did. That's amazing. I've done that, Sunday. I would never have gotten the opportunity to be the writer and the author I am today. I love that. Because he totally, totally supported me in every way. And he's still supporting me. I love that. Well, we're going to take a quick break. He's behind it. Yeah. OK. We're going to take a quick break and then we come back. We're going to jump right into the book. We all want our kids to grow up safe and healthy.

20:43So we show them how and we tell them with honest conversations that let them know what we expect. That's especially important when it comes to alcohol and other drugs. Kids need to know the dangers and how to avoid them. And when it comes to pain medications, opioids, they need to know that they should never be taken without a prescription and never shared with friends or family. It's dangerous and illegal. So talk with your kids. Because when you talk, they hear you. Welcome back, everyone. Is safe and sound security talk? I'm your host, Sundae Esposito. I have Mary Ecker here. She is the author of Wounded Sisters. So Mary, the title Wounded Sisters immediately creates an emotional image for me. And I'm sure it does for other people as well. What does that title mean to you? Well, there's so much happening to women. OK. The book is about Christian women being hurt. And they really can't say anything about it.

21:44They just, you know, this happens to other people out there. This doesn't happen to us, especially pastures wives. And that's sort of the way the book kind of started because I've known several pastures wives. And most of them are very closed off because they're busy helping their pastor. Then they can't show their own feelings or things that are going wrong in their life. And nobody suspects that women like that can be hurt. They think that your pastor's wife and everything is fine. That's sort of the way the book got started. That it really expanded from there. And it talked about, there's a group of women that are friends and they support each other. They grew up together and they're in a small town. And they just support each other through their heart breaks and through the things that they wished for themselves. Their dreams were shattered. They behead to do something else to survive.

22:47And they let themselves down with some of the things that the choices they made. And so that's why it's called wounded sisters. But there's even a story in there about a man because I didn't want it just to be about women. That's good. And he could be about this man who was an alcoholic and he was abusive to his family and abusive to himself. People ask me when they read the book, especially girls I went to high school with, I just got back from my 55th class reunion. Wonderful. And they were so free. I know, 55. And they read the book and they could believe the story. They said, Mary, who are you in the story? And I said, I want this not a true story. In it is fiction. Well, aren't you one of us? I said, nope. I'm a little bit of every single character in that book. That's one of the questions that I wanted to ask you was, how do you relate? And is there a specific one that you relate to? But I think that that's wonderful that that's the way you based it off of because so many

23:51women will be able to relate to each one of them in different ways. Yes. Yes. I've heard that from a lot of people who have read the book, Sunday, that it is very relatable. And it's very real. The conversations are real. The girls are real in a fiction way. But every single person in there has a little bit of my soul in every one of them. Even the guy down in the mine where he came to Jesus. So every, I think many listeners can relate to is that two people can go through this similar experiences and respond completely different. Absolutely. Absolutely. I think that that is reflected in your book as well. One of the things I want to bring forth to is you've got to learn to love yourself. You've got to learn to appreciate who got and created you to be.

24:52And take care of yourself and enjoy every single day that you have because that is so important for every woman out there to find worth in herself. I believe my husband has given me worth, but he's given me permission to be feel worthy of myself. Right. You know, it took me a long time to say tell somebody, hey, I'm an author. Scared me to say that because I didn't think I was worthy enough to say something like that, that he has, he has built me up and made me with him and God have made me the person I am today to be able to reach out and love the brokenness and other people. And that's what it's all about. My book is a ministry tool. I know hope and pray whoever picks that book up that it will bring healing to their soul and healings to their heart and teach them a better way than to stay stuck in a mess. But take that mess and make it into a message to reach out and help others.

25:56That's what it's all about. That's what the book is all about. What has surprised you most about reactions that you've received from some of your readers? I think the thing that surprised me the most is how real they say it is. That's how I write. I write reality. It's not a fantasy. The conversation is real. And I think that is one of the things that I appreciate more than anything. And everybody that's read the book has told me it makes them cry. Well, tears bring healing. I truly believe that. I truly believe that crying is a part of healing. And I crying is a big part of healing. And if my words can make a person cry that means that healing is happening in them. And that blesses my heart. Oh, wonderful. Good point. Good point. That blesses my heart. So what's next for Mary? It's next for you. Well, I'll get on another book or project.

26:58I have a sequel to When It Is Sisters. Okay. Wonderful. I will have the first draft probably finished by the end of this month. Okay. And hopefully have the rewrite and work with it and hopefully have it ready for publication next, the first and next year. And maybe it'll be out next summer. That's my goal. Okay. I love that. I'm so excited for you. That's amazing. And I'm so glad that the book has gotten such great responses and that it has been out there enough for you to continue it. Right? And that there's no discouragement, but encouragement instead. That's what I've had a lot of encouragement and that is surprising to me because I'm just a little country girl on a farm. And I'm just really happy that the Lord has moved me in this direction.

27:59And you know what? There's a lot of people out there that come from a little old country town that's done amazing things that have helped tremendous amount of people in this world. So I thank you for the encouragement that you've had to do this. Where can our listeners find your book, Wounded Sisters? Okay. You can find it on Amazon. MarySuraEckert.com. You can find it on Barnes & Noble's. And if you do get the book, please leave a review to keep the book going. Wonderful. Yes, agree. I'm also on Facebook. You can go to YouTube and put in MarySuraEckert. And I'm also on Neil Haley's show podcast. I'm talking about it. It's very good if anybody is interested in a really good podcast. Yeah. Neil Haley has a phenomenal podcast if you get the chance to listen to him too as well.

29:01Absolutely. He is fantastic. And there's a weekly podcast with me there. And I talk about a lot of what you just asked me. A whole lot of questions about Ben. So that I appreciate that. Oh, yeah. I appreciate that in me. Absolutely. Thank you for spending this time with me today. And for sharing the story behind the Wounded Sisters, I really appreciate not only just talking about the book, but also having a conversation about conversations about relationships, mental health experiences, and healing, and also strength that it can take to move forward. To everyone listening, please make sure you look for Mary Eckert's Wounded Sisters. Continue supporting the author and guests that we bring here on our show. We appreciate everything and the time that you guys take to listen to us. I'm Sunday. I'm Svizito and you've been listening to Safe and Sound Security talk. Remember staying safe isn't about living in fear. It's about being informed, being aware, and being prepared.

30:03Mary, thank you for joining us. I really appreciate you taking the time. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Until next time, everyone, stay safe and stay sound. Thanks for joining us today on Safe and Sound Security talk with your host, Sunday, Svizito. Safe and Sound Security talk is brought to you by EPI Security, where we provide a complete array of security solutions. Starting from unarmed security and private investigations to Firewatch Service and Personal Protection, call us toll free at 888-885-6438. And check out the extensive services we can provide for you at EPISecurityGards.com. We'll see you next time on Safe and Sound Security talk.