Our civilization will end because men aren't stepping up enough! Those poor women!

"The men in the park are free. The government doesn't want you to know that, ladies. You can just take them home."

Brian and Alison continue through the Cambridge fertility paper, which has arrived at urban anonymity, mating norms it disapproves of, and the mystery of why women in the circumstance it demands more of aren't breeding in it.

Also: what taking chimpanzee promiscuity off the board does to the paper's ancestry argument, why romance is a trillion-dollar industry if women don't want men, the one variable that survives holding education, contraception, abortion and dating apps constant, and the female hominid's unnatural access to central heating.

"If your pandas are in an electrified cage, periodically sprayed with water, and they don't breed — don't increase the voltage of the floor. If a female mammal isn't breeding, a zoologist's first conclusion is that something is wrong with her environment. Somehow, in human women, we call it empowerment and keep going."

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