OBITCH a sinister paper trail!

0:00This is a paid message from GoFundMe. Meet Juan Naula. When a son was hospitalized for a viral infection, Juan started a GoFundMe to pay for medical expenses. It was 5k to pay the bill for my son, and I need only 22 hours. It was amazing. People really trust on GoFundMe. How did Juan raise $5,000 in less than a day? He posted a short video on GoFundMe, telling his story in 30 seconds. 30 seconds. Be specific, be quick, and tell what are you going to be using the funds for. I was nervous to do it, because it doesn't feel okay to ask money, but you shouldn't be nervous. Sometimes you just have to do it and see the results. We were able to save my son's life. Thanks to GoFundMe that we still have my son with us. Start your GoFundMe today at GoFundMe.com. That's GoFundMe.com. GoFundMe.com. This message reflects one person's experience. On this show, we cover some sensitive topics.

1:02Though the obituaries may be outlandish, the people are real. Names have been changed or omitted in order to respect both the deceased and the survived by. While death is no laughing matter, some petty last words can provide some pretty entertaining comic relief. Welcome to obituary. Hello and welcome back to obituary. What? Welcome back. Welcome to obituary. I'm Spencer Henry. And I'm Madison Reyes and I felt like you were about to say cold leader. I know. One brain cell mama.

2:03One brain cell and it is hangin' by a thread honey. Hangin'. Hangin' by a piece of tape. More like it. A piece of packing tape. Oh my god. G-Ops, this is it. The final recording session in Nashville, Tennessee. Oh, oh. Bittersweet. Bittersweet. It's the house. We're on the sweet side for me. Ooh. I'm feeling better about all this packing. My god. It's my fault. It's my own doing and you know what? He lives for an adventure. He lives for chaos. He thrives in the chaos. Thrives in chaos. Moving truck will be here tomorrow. And guess what? You can't clip a butterfly's wings. So he's just doing it. Just doing it. Yeah, we're hitting the road tomorrow for the long journey west. We are going to, I think, St. Louis, Missouri tomorrow.

3:06Have you ever been there? Nope. Oh, okay. My dad got me a keychain from there once. Cool. Then we go to Kansas. Oh. Dorothy. Okay. We're going to Kansas. Never been to Kansas. I don't believe. Maybe you'll see Taylor Swift. Oh, Kansas City Chief. From there we go to Vale, Colorado. Beautiful. Beautiful. Oh, darling, are you going to hit the slopes? Probably. Yeah, probably just going to be on the slopes. Probably on the slopes. And then from Vale, we go to Zion, which I've been to a few times. I love Zion. You love Zion. I feel like you, I'm sure it's on this show. You've talked about like how magical. It is. It's beautiful. So that'll be our last stop. And then we're going to Joshua Tree actually. We got an Airbnb until our stuff gets there. Yeah. So it's all a mystery right now. Wow. And then it's our wedding. So it's just. Craziest month. Craziest month.

4:06Craziest month. This is your wedding month. This is like when people are hunkering down. And you're like. Well, yeah. Well, the champet we're talking about that, when we're having one. Today, I'm like, he's like, yeah, I feel a little overwhelmed. I'm like, well, yeah, I think a lot of times people get really overwhelmed by one momentous thing, like a move or a wedding or, you know, other things. And we've had so many other little trips lately that it's just been pretty nonstop. But I will say this. The reason for the timing now is because there's no way in hell I was going to get married without hot dog and Frankie there. Right. So we were going to have to drive across the country for the wedding anyway. Yeah. And so once we decided we're moving back, initially we talked about doing it like after the holidays or something, but I'm like, if we're already doing that drive once, that is not a drive I'd like to do two more times. No, with the dogs too. With the dog. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, they're great and you wouldn't do it any other way, but it is just, it's two more little souls you gotta think of.

5:06Hot dog I'll say is like that girl. Like she is a traveler. She's been, she has been to probably six or seven different states. Yeah. Actually more than that probably probably closer to 10. She's, you know, she's a road dog. Yeah. She's fine. Frankie, I think it's a little more anxious like what is going on. But I think because when the champ came out to Tennessee, he had Frankie with him. And it was just the two of them. I think because we're all be together and she'll see hot dog. Hopefully she'll be normal. Yeah. She's a puppy though. Like she's literally, she's so big, but we forget she's what too. I'm going to tear birthday today. Today. She's two years old. Oh, hold on. Oh, she's the sweetest girl in the whole world. Sorry, that was breaking news. I had to. I thought you were going to bring her in here. Oh, no. Oh, she's, she's lounged it. Okay. Let her do what she wants. I have kind of an emergency here.

6:08But I wanted to tell the G-offs about. Okay. We got an email and the subject line was emergency burial. And it says, hey guys, long time listener here. My name is Arlene. Yes, you can use my name if you decide to read this on the pod. I've been listening to a bit, where you since the original opening song and I'm an OG cult babe. Love. Oh, hell yeah. The news. The news song. Hey, I'm a fan of the podcast and you guys make me laugh so much during my long days at work. And I look forward to your podcast every week. I also went to your live show in Phillip, yay. Please come back. Hey. Oh my god, we got it. I know. I'm actually reaching out for a legit question though. I've looked online and I am completely lost and I thought, hey, maybe Spencer and Madison know, which disclaimer, I don't think that we know, but I want to put this out here because some G-offs may be able to help. Okay. And then Dad passed away unexpectedly and they were almost done applying for Medicaid.

7:10Unfortunately, because he passed away and the guidelines to get approved for Medicaid is so strict, they unfortunately have exhausted their funds and cannot lay their father to rest. They have a plot already paid off because the father prepaid for the plot. Okay. Did what we're all supposed to do, right? Listen to that. Unfortunately, to open up the plot, it costs $6,000, a fucking scam. Because he did not have life insurance and the Medicaid approval didn't go through because he died before it was approved, they are in a loss of finding emergency funds to get the plot opened to lay their father to rest. They have created a go fund to be which I'll link. But they said I was wondering if you guys knew of any emergency charities or something that will help so they can open up the plot where you're located in South Jersey. Also, I feel like this would be a great thing to talk about on the podcast too. I feel like a lot of people are screwed over because of these outrageous prices at cemeteries

8:13and the deceased not having any life insurance slash funds. I've attached the go fund me. It does a better job of explaining this situation. Thank you guys for taking the time to read this email and I apologize if it was all over the place I suck it writing, sincerely, Colt babe and G.O.F. Arlene. But I was looking into it and I don't know of any charities or anything like that, but I can't and hopefully maybe some G.O.Fs in South Jersey know or the go fund me can raise enough funds. But that just blows my mind that somebody had already pre purchased a plot paid for it and then there's a $6,000 charge to open the plot. It feels like, I mean, I'm sure it differs funeral home to funeral home. It might be like a spirit airlines type thing where it's like, okay, yeah, you pay for your plot and you're good. It would cheaper than everyone else, but they don't tell you maybe like the fine print or they make it sound like there may be a small fee to open in.

9:15Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, you really got to be careful and do your due diligence. Obviously, we'll donate to the go fund me. Yeah, if any of you have valuable insight into that, no matter where you are really, but South Jersey, especially, would be so helpful. Maybe you can comment on either the video or on the Instagram or Spotify somewhere so that they can hopefully see it. Yeah. Arlene, I mean, hopefully by the time this comes out, it's all resolved. But I just, it like breaks my heart thinking that somebody's dad can't be laid to rest when it seems like he did everything right. And death, just like that. If there's one thing I learned, it's like, be as prepared as you can be, but also just expect everything to go awry because it can. Yeah. I mean, my goal in life, you know this. I've shared this with you is to have some sort of charity that start for people dealing with bereavement. Yeah. That's like such a passion of mine just from having personal experiences and also having

10:16just people close to me that have lost really significant loved ones in their lives and like been forced to go back to it. And especially people that have jobs where it's like, there is no income if they're not working. Yeah. You know, think about any trade industry or people who offer like cleaning services and stuff. Right. And it's like, if I don't go do this, I'm not going to be able to pay my rent. So yeah. Right. And it's both of these things are all causes. Yeah, near and dear to our hearts. Yeah. So I think we'll help where we can and hopefully someone will have have good advice. I know. I know. And out a bit pot at gmail.com or on our Instagram or like you said Spotify or anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. But also I would love to know that like if there are charities for that. It's something we should look into. We should look into more. I should actually start looking into. I mean, let me get settled. But yeah, it should start looking into how that works because the idea of starting a charity is very intimidating to me because I would I'm such like a rule follower when

11:17it comes to anything financial that I'm like terrified of messing it up. So any resources there too would be appreciated. Yeah. Yeah, but get that going. Get settled, get married. We're going to have to do a go fund me for you to get you out of the loonie bin. If you don't just stop. Speaking of, I'd love to go back to the loonie bin in Tulsa. Oh my god, me too. I was talking to someone about that show the other day and I remember why. But oh, it was the champ because we were talking about. Remember I was there when all our stuff was getting moved into the house here. Oh my god. Yeah, that's right. I flew to Tennessee. And then we flew from Tennessee to Oklahoma because they were like still living in that Airbnb because the movers sucked. And then it's like I was laughing about it because he's like, well, I was on pocket in the house and I said, well, I was on stage in his straight jackets. I'm not shooting in a cup. So who's got it worth? So got show business, baby. It's speaking of assholes. Oh, speaking of assholes. I've got one that had me go in. Oh, bitch. Here we fucking go again.

12:18It says, am I the asshole for keeping two small photos of my late partner up for our daughter? Okay. My partner under 40 and I were together for 15 years with our daughter seven years old born part way through. The last third of the relationship was genuinely difficult and I hadn't been happy for a long time, but I stayed so that I could see my daughter every day. In early 2024, I started making plans to leave and then she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I stayed and cared for her through the 14 months from diagnosis to her death in December of 2025. It was the most traumatic year of my life and I'm still carrying the weight of it through flashbacks. That year made me who I am today and I am tremendously proud of how I held myself while seeing different family work, parenting and medical matters. That's a really tough position to be on. Like wanting to not be in that relationship anymore and then having to go, we're not having to, but choosing to be a 24 hour caretaker. Incredible. I wasn't in love with her anymore and I had 12 months to process the knowledge of her

13:19impending death and I don't pine for her now. What I do feel is a deep sadness for her losing her life and for our daughter losing her mom. I also feel a real sense of freedom now that I'm out of a relationship that had been very hard for a long time. Both things are true at once. I've since met someone new and things with her are genuinely great. Life feels brighter than it has in years. She struggles with my past though. I rarely bring it up myself. Most conversations about my late partner get started by her out of her own worries. I recently redecorated and changed pretty much the whole house so that it would feel like a fresh start. I did keep three small photos of my daughter's mom up in the dining room, though two on a shelf in a non-prominent spot and one on a pinboard among other photos. All three do not include me as in a family photo. It's my daughter's home to and she's seven and she still talks about her mom every day and I want her to be able to see her. My partner thinks the photo should come down. It's been under eight months and she finds them hard to be around. So am I the also for keeping these three photos up for my daughter's sake?

14:22No, your partner seems like an asshole and you need to re-evaluate that. Life's different now, right? You're a widowed father. If that responsibility comes with a new set of obligations, I think when you're dating someone new or you have a new partner, if someone's insecure because you have photos of their act, it's like, first of all. You have a child together. Second of all, I wouldn't even care if it was in a live X. I'd be like, okay, they were part of your life and like, I don't know. I don't give a shit. Right. You're not with them now. It's okay. Let the daughter see the mom's pictures. That's crazy. The daughter, first of all, I mean, I can't, you know, that's great that you met somebody that brightened your world and you're, you know, moving on. But I just kind of like have a little side eye when it's, I don't know, I feel like the daughter should be the main focus right now, the daughter's grieving.

15:23And if you have a partner that is saying pictures of her mother can't be up, fuck off. Yeah. I don't know. I don't like that. Like you should know what you're getting into when you're getting into a relationship with somebody who's lost someone like that. Yeah. And he's already, I'm sure, said these things to his new partner like, yeah, I kind of wanted to not be it. Like I was over it. So it's like, there's no threat there. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Wild. Wild. Alright, this next one is wild and it's kind of an obituary first. So I'm really interested to hear what you have to say. It says, am I the also for telling my sister-in-law that the reborn baby she gave to me was disturbing and inappropriate. Oh, fuck. Okay. It says I recently lost one of my twins. He was six months old. That would be so hard. So sad. So hard. Hard. I don't really want to go into the details, but it has been extremely difficult for me in my husband. It hasn't even been two months, so I'm still very much grieving. Before this happened, my sister-in-law and I were actually really close.

16:23She loved my boys and was always around them, so I know she loved my son who passed away. I'm not questioning that. Yesterday, my husband's mom had a small birthday party at her house. It was basically just immediate family, kids, grandkids, etc. At the party, my sister-in-law stood up and started talking about how we should hold our children close because you never know when the last time you'll get to hold them will be. And in the middle of the speech, she handed me a reborn baby doll. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. The doll looked almost exactly like my baby. I mean, really looked like him. It wasn't a random baby doll that shit was made to resemble him, and my sister-in-law even had one of the toenails painted because I used to paint one of their toenails to tell them apart. Ah! Like, what? She handed me the doll and basically said, so you can have both your babies. And my flabbers were gassed. I took the doll in the moment because I didn't want to make a scene at their mom's birthday party, but I was extremely uncomfortable. I pulled her aside and told her that I thought what she did was weird and distasteful and that it really upset me. I asked her why she would give me something like that when my baby literally just died,

17:26and she got mad and started saying things like, you think I'm trying to be funny and you think I didn't love my nephew? She basically actually, like I was accusing her of not caring about my son. She also said something along the lines of, who do you think you are? We accepted you. That's not what I was saying at all. I know she loved my son. I know she was trying to do something for me, but that doesn't change the fact that receiving a realistic doll that looks like my dead baby in front of my entire family during a speech about losing children was extremely upsetting to me. I never took the doll home. I left it there. Now we're not speaking. I understand that everyone grooves differently and maybe some people would find something like this comforting, but I personally found it disturbing and painful, especially considering how recent my son's death was. Oh my god, not the asshole. The reborn babies freak me out, but I know that it helps a lot of people, and so I think that's great. I think they're awesome, but I do think it's something that's extremely personal and it shouldn't be given as a gift, you know, in a situation like this. I don't think the writer is an asshole.

18:27I think the writer is deep in the beginning stages of grief, which is the worst fucking place imaginable. I also don't think the sister-in-law, because they were so close, because the sister-in-law was close with the nephews. I don't think she was coming from a bad place. I don't either. I think it was stupid. Like I think it was. I think she fucked up by doing it during a speech and making it a thing. I think she was probably googling how can I help somebody who's grieving the loss of their babies. Yes. I think she was trying to do something sweet and helpful. I think her intentions were good, but doing it during a speech in front of a group of people is inappropriate and honestly disturbing, because maybe not everyone wants that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think that has to be a very personal decision, a very thought out decision. I mean, maybe we don't know. Maybe the person writing loves them and has said they wanted them.

19:31You know who knows? But yeah, I wouldn't do it the way no. No. No. Or it's like a conversation I would maybe have. If I was just sort of like, have you seen those free-born dolls? What do you think of that? Yeah. Like, I don't know. Play at the seats. I don't think get a baby made exactly like the baby this person just lost and present it. I know this is not the same thing, but I'm like, what if someone's like husband died? Someone brought a big mannequin that looks like the husband, like, will this make you feel better? Kind of the same sentiment, you know? But I know it's different with the reborn dolls too. I've seen people out with them before. I've thought about, no. I've seen people out with them before too. I've thought about it for my mom because- Oh, we've talked about that. Yeah, she loves a baby. Love the baby. Like, if she sees a kid out, she wants to just go up and like, oh, hello, loves a baby.

20:34And so I'm like, oh, maybe I should. But that's also a difference. Well, people do do that with people with dementia and stuff or Alzheimer's because they say that it can be helpful or soothing. Totally. But that, yeah. And then you see those tiktoks of people that have full-blown lives with their reborn- They're all- there's people in their car like, mommy, can I have some weren't stressing? There are like, day in the life of me and my reborn babies and it's like, wake up, gotta go feed them. I'm like, oh, my God, I can't even take care of myself. I know. I know. I know. So, yeah, I don't want to judge it. But that's a little baby doll. That's different. I just feel like, oh, my God, the unnecessary. I can barely take care of myself. Yeah. And now I have to get up for this baby doll and- Well, I just up in the Bay Area for my sister's father and law's funeral last week. Oh, yeah. Great service.

21:34Loved it. But while we were there, she had dropped off my nephews, Leo and Hank. And she's like, can you get them ready because we're going to bring over their outfits? Can you just take them out of the outfits that they're in because we're going to bring their outfits for the funeral service or whatever? Okay. And I was like, yeah, of course. And I was changing Hank. And then I had to change his diaper and I was like, I have a change to diaper. So long. So long. So what? Because you know, it's like my younger siblings are way younger than me. Yeah. I've changed their diapers. Or like being a kid, like I babysat for the neighbors, change the diaper or whatever. But I had to done it in so long. I was like, oh my god, this is so weird. I was like, changing a diaper. Please don't pee on me. Yeah. Did it? Ready for a fatherhood? Ready. He's ready for a fatherhood. Look at him. No, thank God it was not a poopy diaper. Oh, God. Sometimes those blowouts, man. Oh, gnarly. I know. Yeah. Oh, also we read guest or year. Oh my god. And not even for book club.

22:35This is just leisure. I was like, have I texted you about it? Because I'm like, I need you to read it. I need to talk to you about this. Yeah. Crazy. I was gagged. It was so, I thought it was so good. I understood what you said about like the first part. A little slow. Okay, where is this going? Yeah. Reves up. And I actually listened to more of it. I have my Kindle. So I like kind of flip back and forth. I listened to more of it and it was great. Loved it. I can't wait to see what they do with the movie. I know. Oh my god. I know. Cannot wait. All right. Well, my girl, girl, I am up first this week, which means that you should have a side bitch for us. Oh, I sure do. And this person isn't a bitch. Oh. This is a cutie. This is from Norwich Evening News 1986. Mr. Jack Merton, Mid Norfolk's longest serving news boy, died yesterday.

23:36He was 82 years old. Known to everyone on his long round as Paper Jack, Mr. Merton delivered newspapers for 72 years. He's so cute. Mr. Merton of the White House, Tittle Shaw. That's really not right. Died at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. And may this year, Mr. Merton handed over the rest of the round to his family to carry on the tradition. His name was Paper Jack. And he was a news boy. Paper Jack. Oh, I love that. The rest of the piece, Paper Jack. Rest in peace. That's it. But there's no twist. It just goes with my confidence spinner today. Perfect. You'll see. You'll see. Okay. He was sitting there waiting for a nasty twist. We can have just nice obituaries, Mama. Oh, okay. For God's sake. That's not wild. All right. Well, we're going to take a quick break.

24:38And when we come back, I'll tell you about had me spinning in my cop in this week. Can't wait. We'll be right back. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. It's destroying athlete, creator, and YouTube Max. YouTube Premium enhances how I use YouTube with awesome features like offline downloads, so I could download my favorite training videos before I hit the gym. So no Wi-Fi doesn't turn leg day into loading day. Plus, I get ad-free videos, background play, and so much more. YouTube Premium is like YouTube got some extra gains. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime. This is a paid message from GoFundMe. Meet Juan Nala. When a son was hospitalized for a viral infection, Juan started a GoFundMe to pay for medical expenses. It was 5k to pay the bill for my son and I need only 22 hours. It was amazing. People really trust on GoFundMe. How did Juan raise $5,000 in less than a day? He posted a short video on GoFundMe telling his story in 30 seconds.

25:4130 seconds. Be specific. Be quick. Be quick. And tell what are you going to be using the funds for. I was nervous to do it because it doesn't feel okay to ask money, but you shouldn't be nervous. Juan is just have to do it and see the results. We were able to save my son's life. Thanks to GoFundMe that we still have my son with us. Start your GoFundMe today at GoFundMe.com. That's GoFundMe.com. GoFundMe.com. This message reflects one person's experience. And we're back, Spencer. What had you spinning in your coffin this week? Okay, so my coffin spinner, I first got to tell you how I got there. I was doing some extracurricular reading, aka just on my phone one night. I saw this article. It was actually a sub-stack article that I was so pissed off I was trying to find it all morning when I was writing my coffin spinner. I was like, fuck, I could not find it again. But it led me down a bit of a rabbit hole. As we know, the measles are so back.

26:45And there is this story going on right now. It's all over the headlines in Pennsylvania because the health department recently announced that there were two deaths in the state tied to measles associated with the measles virus. Well, the coroner for one of the deaths for Lancaster County, this guy named Dr. Stephen Diamonti, said in an interview that one of the infant's deaths wasn't from measles. I'll read you a direct quote about that from NBC because I don't want to get sued. That was kind of like the headline that's going around like coroner denies measles death. But on an NBC article, which is linked to the sources, it says, quote, Dr. Stephen Diamonti who said in an interview Sunday evening that the baby died shortly after birth from an internal hemorrhage and traumatic rupture of the spleen. He said he found evidence of the measles virus in the infant's lung tissue. It is still unclear whether measles played a role in the infant's death. An infection can cause the spleen to enlarge, which I guess is why so many people are talking

27:47about it because they're like, well, that's like what measles can do to you. Oh, I didn't, I didn't even know. Me either. The article went on to say quote, which raises the risk of rupture, but that could be difficult to detect in an autopsy after a rupture has occurred. Diamonti, a Republican who has held the elected position since 2008, said he did not find evidence that the infant's spleen was enlarged. He added that he was investigating the death further, saying the infant was born at a birthing center, assisted by a lay midwife who was not certified in midwifery. The health secretary, Dr. Deborah Bogeyne, expressed confidence Wednesday in her department's conclusion that the death was measles associated, a term that means there was a laboratory or epidemiologic evidence of a measles infection. As a pediatrician with more than 30 years caring for children, I have thoroughly reviewed the case investigation information and sadly can confirm that there were two recent measles associated deaths in Lancaster County, Bogeyne said in a statement. I don't know the specifics of that case, but I believe the mom had contracted measles,

28:50and I think they were also almish. Oh, wow, okay. Which makes sense because Lancaster County. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, yes. But it got my little morbid brain spin in. I was like, well, what if a pathologist was born? A pathologist or autopsy technician or coroner, whoever was working on a patient or client and contracted measles or some other disease or infection, and it turns out it has happened, and there are some crazy stories out there. Oh, that's so interesting that we haven't talked about that. And like we talk about how some bodies aren't able to be buried in certain places. Yes. Okay, oh wow. I may need to revisit this in a part two, but we've got a few stories that I wanted to go over in the first is about a man named Jacob Kalechka, and this may be one of the most historically well-known instances because it ended up changing the medicine field. Oh. Jacob, and this ties into ones we have talked about before. So Jacob was a professor of forensic medicine in Vienna back in the 1800s, which as we know

29:55then, it was a different game. Yeah. Like a medical school was not the same as now. Yeah. Well, one day Jacob performs an autopsy. And as he's doing this, he cuts his hand on a scalpel that a student had left out, and the wound became infected, and he ended up with blood poisoning. Oh. Septusemia is what it's called. And he gets severely ill as a resultant ends up passing away. Okay. So he died because of the autopsy. So one of Jacob's friends was a man named Ignaz, some of us. Ignaz performed the autopsy on his friend after Jacob died. And while doing so, he was able to determine that the way the disease had taken Jacob down was eerily reminiscent of the manner in which a lot of women were dying after giving birth in the maternity wards. He's like, these are like lining up like the way the bacteria is moving. Like this, this is all lining up. And so he puts two and two together and essentially comes to the conclusion that these women that

30:57were dying right after childbirth, their deaths were most likely due to how bacteria was being spread because he's like, oh my God, doctors are performing autopsy's when someone passes away. They're then taking those same tools, those same instruments. They're not cleaning them. They're just taking them and going to the maternity wards to deliver a children. Oh, wow. And so basically he's like, because they're going straight from these autopsy's and then they're going and they're performing surgery or like childbirth, the tools are infecting the moms and then killing them, which is why so many of the moms were dying. This discovery really shook up how surgeons practiced medicine because of that discovery, it would later on severely lower the death rate of women who died during childbirth. But it also sort of sent Ignas into a spiral. He after making the discovery started writing angry letters to a lot of prominent obstetricians at the time. He was like, you guys are murderers for not practicing correct sanitation methods.

32:02He was kind of sounding off on everyone. So the medical community and his wife come together and they're like, oh, he's gone off the deep end like he's lost it. So they end up sending him to an asylum. And ironically, he dies in that asylum from septic shock just two weeks after being admitted. Oh, shit. How crazy is that? So he got some infection. Yeah. Oh, no. I thought he was crazy. However, he has posthumously been celebrated after a French microbiologist named Dr. Louis Pasha took Ignas' findings and developed the germ theory of disease. Oh, okay. Ignas has since been referred to as the pioneer of aceptic practices. Wow. Okay. It was all stemmed from an autopsy. I mean, I love hearing these in- I know. I know. I like about like Morse code. Yeah. Totally. Right. How that only came from somebody dying. Right. Like there's so many crazy inventions that have come from death.

33:03But it still took people a while to like implement these like sanitation structures. Like they didn't have OSHA back. They were. They were very things were willing to leave. And in that time period, there were very similar deaths that occurred. There was a guy named Joal Des who also died in a very similar manner to Jacob Kalechka in 1875. He was performing an autopsy when he was injured by a medical tool. I think it might have been a scalpel as well. His wound got infected and he died as a result of septicemia. And then I read about this on science direct com and in a medical journal on the national library of medicines website. There was a tuberculosis patient. I thought this was so interesting who was overseen by a large medical team. And there was like 40 or so healthcare workers who were in direct contact with this patient. And none of them were infected. But the patient ended up passing away. And during the autopsy, there were five people present. All of them became infected.

34:04Oh, wow. After the person died. And this also happened in Japan. I couldn't find a lot of details, but there was a case where an autopsy was performed on a tuberculosis patient who ended up infecting more than 50 members of the staff. Oh, crazy. It's like, yeah, I don't know. I guess you just never think something will happen to you until it does. Until it does. Yeah. Well, and I think obviously we know a lot more about how disease and bacteria is spread in today's modern world. But I can only imagine a hundred years from now, right? They're going to be like, people are dying of cancer. People died of this. I hope that's the case out there. Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. Who knows? So wild. But it makes sense. Yeah, like how you can't bury certain bodies are like even during COVID, a lot of funeral homes were an accepting body. Yeah. But then with the measles cases recently, which is like a direct result of theories in

35:10the administration and so many different things compile. Right. Why that NBC article specifically stated that that corner is a Republican, because I think he was quick to denounce that measles was the main cause of death because as we know, RFK is overseas the health department, which is going swimmingly here. Yeah, we have no food either. We can't eat anything. Yeah, perfect. Yeah, perfect. Between that and GLP ones, honey. Yeah. All the time, yeah. Then is in. Back to heroin chic because nobody can eat anything. It's like that. We're going to be all eating those great depression meals, say, and like the better toast with cinnamon sugar, which I love. Me too. Me too. But I am like, it is like weird right now because you never know what's true and what's not, but you see somebody recalls on things like, fuck, I'm eating like salads or vegetables

36:12and I'm like, is this okay to eat right now when you wake up tomorrow and feel crazy? Yeah, you will. All you can eat is cardboard now. Yeah. See, that's knock on wood. That's why I haven't gotten anything because I'm eating those cooler inch Doritos. I never saw a recall on those. And cookie dough, but. Oh, and your ceremony on matcha. And my matcha. That's what keeps me going. That's the key. It keeps me healthy. I'm actually going to come out with my own line. You guys, you don't need a vaccine. No. Matcha mama. Matcha mama. It has thousands, hundreds of thousands of years. It's pretty bad. Oh, yeah. And it's green. Green stuff is good. Okay, well, I'm not done. Okay. I have, I just have two quick articles that I wanted to share because they found them and they were wild. So one was from the Liverpool Daily Mail. Saturday, May 30th, 1964. And this is Dr. Dyes during an autopsy. A 71 year old doctor died yesterday while performing a postmortem in the New York chief

37:14medical examiner's office. He was Dr. Vincent Hurley, a fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons and Resident of New York, an assistant medical examiner who retired from practice as an active surgeon seven years ago. He was a graduate of the National University of Ireland in the London Hospital Medical School. He was collapsed, apparently, from natural causes despite attention by Dr. Milton Helper in the city's chief medical examiner. Dr. Helper and said Dr. Hurley had often expressed the hope he would die in working clothes. Dr. Helper and said another of Dr. Hurley's wishes was to have a postmortem performed on himself as soon as possible after his death. That desire is being fulfilled. He was filled. Oh, well, he got his wish to die in working clothes. Yeah. Another article from the Riverine Herald from Thursday, November, 1921 and it said, Living Man Dissected dies during autopsy. A Geneva message states that an inquiry has been ordered into the allegation against

38:14a well-known surgeon who was declared to have performed an autopsy upon a living man at the Cantinal Hospital. The patient, a man named Rosh, was gravely wounded in the region of the heart. And in the course of a demonstration, the surgeon opened the diaphragm. The house surgeon who was present at the demonstration protested vigorously declaring that no one would dream of performing an autopsy upon a living man. The unfortunate patient succumbed almost at once. For his defense, the surgeon alleges that he only wished to ascertain the gravity of the wound. Hmm, peculiar. Yeah. Interesting. So yeah, I mean, performing autopsy can be a real dangerous... Dangerous job. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And the ghosts and... Oh. You got to deal with the ghosts. Scary. Scary. Dangerous job. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you. Sure. Alright, well, we're going to take one more quick break and when we come back, Madison's going to tell us what had her spinning in her coffin this week.

39:16Alrighty. We'll be right back. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. It's destroying. And, ATHLEE, CREATOR, AND YouTube Maxer. YouTube Premium enhances how I use YouTube with awesome features like offline downloads so I could download my favorite training videos before I hit the gym. So no Wi-Fi doesn't turn leg day into loading day. Plus, I get ad-free videos, background play, and so much more. YouTube Premium is like YouTube got some extra gains. Try YouTube Premium for 2 months free at youtube.com slash premium. Try eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime. And we're back, girly. What had you spinning in your coffin this week? Paper had me spinning in my coffin. You're a fucking girl. Let me explain. Okay. Just when I thought we had learned, just let me tell you, you're going to love it. I loved it. I was so like, what? Paper? Really? You don't say? Paper was first invented.

40:18Well, I'm going to tell you how it was made. And no, it didn't come off a tree, girl. So you're mistaken. So just when I thought we had learned all that we could about mummies, I stumbled upon something else. And here, this is where I get kind of pissed off because we just can't fucking leave mummies alone. We couldn't ever be whole Egyptomania. I know I talk about it whenever we bring up mummies, but in the 1800s and 1900s, it was wild. We were doing mummy unwrapping parties. We just were not good to our Egyptian friends at all. We would disturb Pharaoh's resting places, the whole thing. Yeah, unleashed curses. Unleashed curses, and it was like truly on a more serious note. We did not look at mummies as once being human. It seems like they were just things, like these cool spooky things. Yeah. So I have another discovery like that, and it's called mummy paper.

41:18But before I tell you about mummy paper, I got to tell you how paper was made in the 1800s. Okay. I know that we all think paper was made from trees, but it wasn't. Paper used to be made out of rags. So literally, like old pieces of linen and cotton was collected, sorted, cleaned, broken down into fibers, and then mixed with water into like a pulp and then formed into sheets of paper. Papyrus paper. Papyrus, exactly. I sometimes stumble upon like videos of people making their own paper from like egg cartons, and they grind it up and blend it with water, and it's kind of relaxing to watch. Anyway, rags were a very valuable commodity back in the 1800s. And even before that, I think they started making paper in like the 1600s. Actually, that's not true. I think they started making it way further back. Anyway, rags were that girl.

42:20Okay, because we needed paper, and America had a big problem. We were using so, so, so much paper that there was a paper shortage, like insane amounts of paper, because newspapers were booming. Printing press, books were also being printed, and people were writing letters. People were sending vinegar Valentine's, like we were using so much paper. That was our form of communication. So, paper manufacturers needed a constant supply of linen and cotton rags to keep up with the demand, but there just was not enough. So what did we do? Well, we turned to mummies, of course. Now enter Isaiah Deck. Isaiah was a physician and a geologist. I read that his family had a chemist shop, and his family was like known around town for their elaborate firework displays that they'd put on.

43:20But he also had a huge interest in minerals and geology. He was a geologist, and he traveled all over the world for this. So in 1847, he goes to Egypt, because he's like, I'm going to go on this expedition to find the emerald mines that belong to Cleopatra. These mines are known as Maun's Smaragdus, which I guess means like mountain of emeralds. I didn't know this, I guess. Cleopatra, because they had emerald mines there. She loved an emerald. She wore emeralds, and emeralds are like this green. I didn't know that. I think of her as like, not turquoise. Were you just going to tell me what an emerald? Yeah, I wasn't sure if you knew. Mama, I didn't know. But in emerald, she loved emerald. Loved emerald. I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. She was the emerald girl. So he goes on this trip looking for them. But while he's traveling through Egypt, he notices just how many fucking mummies there are everywhere.

44:25More specifically, he notices the enormous amount of linen wrapped around these mummies. So he starts working on a little business proposal to recycle mummy wrapping and turn them into paper for America. Wow. I know. A few years later, in 1854, he writes a paper. And the paper is called on a supply of paper material from the mummy pits of Egypt. And without reading you the whole paper, I'll just paraphrase it. What's on the mind, mama? Air of fries. I'm hungry. I love you, mama. I at least fries aren't recalled. Okay, without reading you the whole paper, I'll paraphrase it. But basically his argument is that America needs rags. Egypt has rags. The fact that those rags are currently wrapped around millions of dead people is neither here nor there.

45:26God. And he backs this up with some math that he did. So he was like, listen, I've seen one single mummy be wrapped with 30 pounds of linen. He also talks about an Egyptian princess that had 40 layers of linen wrapped around her. And when she was unraveled, that was 42 yards of fabric that was being used. Not every mummy was wrapped that thick, but he was also saying that according to his calculations, there are millions of mummies in Egypt. And not just human mummies, there's also mummies of crocodiles, cats, dogs, you name it. Any kind of animal was also wrapped. Now completely discounting the fact that... These are part of their burial process. Yes, and like, these are fucking, you know, these were once living things. So he was like, worst at not a fucking gold mine America.

46:26And he said that the America's paper problem would be solved for the next 14 years with the amount of linens that we could get from mummies. It's fucking wild. Crazy. It just feels crazy to me. I was thinking, I was like trying to think about like, what if another country had a wood shortage? And they came over here and were like, oh, look at all these coffins. We can just dig these coffins up, dump the bodies out. Oh, I'm sure if there was copper wire, those coffins, the catalytic, and various. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But I feel like that's like unwrapping a mummy is even worse. It's like, oh, let's just undress this. Well, it's another form of grave robbing, essentially. Yeah, yeah, totally. So, you know, you'd think that it was just an insane thought, but he puts out that paper. And I don't believe he's fully credited like with this idea, but his name always comes up in all the research.

47:28But the following year, it's documented that a shipment of about 1200 bails of Egyptian rags make it to the US. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that they were from mummies, but it is, I don't know, a little suspicious, who knows? Yeah. But I also read that like mummies weren't something that you had to declare and pay taxes on or duties on. So, who knows? But then, there was this huge paper mill in Connecticut called the Chelsea Manufacturing Company. In 1858, they produce a paper for, there was this big celebration called the Norwich Jubilee. I guess it was like a new town or something that they were celebrating. So, they printed, I don't know, it was like a little souvenir kind of booklet thing for this Jubilee. The paper still exists, and there was a hymn printed. And at the bottom of that hymn, it says Chelsea Manufacturing Company. This paper is made by the Chelsea Manufacturing Company Greenville Connecticut, the largest paper manufacturing in the world.

48:32The material of which it is made was brought from Egypt. It was taken from the ancient tombs where it had been used in embalming mummies. A part of the process of manufacturing is exhibited in the procession. So, it literally is printed on their little thing. That's crazy. I know. Well, it gets crazier. Now we need to head over to Maine. Because Connecticut wasn't the only paper mill using mummy rags to make paper. In 1858, there was a journalist who visited the Great Falls Paper Mill in Gardener, Maine. He describes seeing millions of pounds of rags. And this mill, I guess, was like acres and acres and acres of land. But he saw millions of pounds of rags. Some of the rags came from Alexandria, Egypt. But something that he had said was how bad everything smelled. He said that the mummy rags were the cleanest part, but they had come off of the dead.

49:35So, I guess the whole place stung to high heaven. God. Also, in Gardener, Maine, there was another paper maker named Isaac Augustus Stanwood. And his paper mill was Stanwood and Toaar, I believe. And I actually read his obituary. And he is apparently credited as discovering how to make paper from wood. Who knows. But I don't know if that's accurate. I also read about the Mulberry trees back in ancient China. So, who knows. Yeah, I feel like paper has been around. I feel like nobody can really claim. No one can claim it. Before he had that little claim to fame. He was allegedly using mummies as well. And his lore comes from his son, Daniel. So, take this with a grain of salt. But Daniel told a paper historian named Dard Hunter. And Dard Hunter is like a famous paper guy. He told Dard that during the Civil War, his dad had trouble getting rags for his paper business.

50:37So, his dad's solution was to import mummies. Not just mummy rags, but full mummies. And the linen pulled from those mummies was used to make brown wrapping paper. Which was then sold to grocers and butchers. Like that kind of paper. Oh, gross. I know. To wrap meat and sandwiches and stuff. But also, Daniel claims that at his dad's paper mill, they weren't disinfecting the rags at first. And supposedly, a lot of the workers got sick. And there was a whole cholera outbreak. It probably got caroo too. Yeah, totally. You don't fuck with that stuff. It's probably some skin on that shit too. I know. No, totally. There's not any like, you know, records of that. But I kind of, you know, it's like an oral history. Yeah. But Dard Hunter also, he was talking to other people about the mummy rags situation. And I read that he got a letter from a lady named Mrs. John Ramsey.

51:40She had a story that was passed down to her from her dad's friend. I guess her dad's friend had worked at a paper mill in New York in the 1850s. And he said that they worked with mummy rags. And that even after the mummy wrapping had been removed from the mummy's body, the linen still kept its shape. So it still was the shape of the body, which I could totally, like with all the embomming fluids and just... Yeah. And it was a lot of things, so it kept its shape. So when they were trying to like, stretch out the linen, it would spring back to the shape of, you know, whoever's funny. Oh, weird. I was looking to see like, what paper mills, if they did import full mummies. Again, that's not documented. But I was like looking to see, okay, well, then what did they do with the rest of the mummy? Allegedly, there are some accounts of them burning the mummies. Which puts me into an entirely different coffin spinner that all have to do another day

52:42because mummy fuel is a big thing that I will have to get into another day. Interesting. Allegedly. Yeah, so that's mummy paper. Interesting, interesting. Who knew? Who knew? They were just using dead bodies for every day. Well, they're using mummies for every day. Remember like the mummy makeup and all of that? Mummy, yeah, mummy was a, yeah, just terrible actually. Which is funny too because you think about like how important death was like to the Victorians and how much care they took and like how the whole fucking, not superstition, but like spiritualism arose during the 1800s because of the virus. But only for them. Yeah, only for them. Not for a mummy. Are you kidding me? They're not from here. Yeah, they're. There's. Yeah, there's. God. Son wrap them. Oh my god. Well, I can tell you I definitely, I would not want to be remembered that way.

53:43I would not either. No way. But I would want to be remembered with a nice obituary. Oh. Well, it doesn't have to be nice. Okay, okay. And obituary. I want some mystery in there. Oh, let's hear it. And I just so happen to have one today that's got a little mystery to it. It was sent in by a geophonamed Emily. They told me that their mom sent it to them, I guess. Okay. And it's from their hometown and she's like, my mom shared this with me and it made me wish I had the backstory and I do too. This is for Janice Ellison. And it says, quote, Janice Ellison, who was born in redding Massachusetts, was found deceased in her rooming house in Lynn, Massachusetts, following a wellness check on June 29th, 2026. At different points in her life, she held other names, including Janice St. Clair and Francine Ellison. Oh. And her 20s and 30s, she was known to a few extreme religious communes. Regrettably, she was also known in Boston and Cambridge as a nanny.

54:45There is no celebration of this life. What? Whoa, that like blew my wig off for a second. A woman of mystery, is that sounding kind of culty? It just kind of bizarre. Bizarre, or was she a scam artist with all her different names? A spy? A spy maybe? We'll never know. Oh, I love that. I do love a little mystery. Oh, of course. The best. I don't like the best. Keep the mystery alive. Uh-huh. Well, I have an obituary that was also sent into us from a G-Off. It says, Hi, Spencer and Madison. I was doom scrolling on Facebook and came across a post on the Ketchikan community news Facebook page. Y'all need to read this one. Someone wrote, The local paper should be ashamed to post that so-called obituary. It was truly in bad taste on the post. So I immediately went to the comment section and thankfully the obit was in there.

55:45I wonder if this fella wrote it himself, or maybe his kids have a wonderful sense of humor. Anyway, a lot of locals agreed. He would have loved that if he wasn't the one who wrote it, which is fantastic. I've included it in the email, and then they also included pictures of their husband and their dogs and son, which I'll share with you after. This makes it on the pod. Feel free to use my name. Love you guys and thanks for all the tidbits of info you give us every week. You really helped me cope with the loss of my aunt and grandma a couple years ago. I even felt confident to write their obituries. Oh. Oh. And their name is Rachel. So thanks Rachel. Thanks Rachel. This obituary is amazing. So let's hear it. This is for William Nightingale Spencer. July 16, 1949 to March 23, 2025. It is with a mix of resignation and relief that we announced the passing of William Nightingale Spencer, who left this world on March 23, 2025.

56:47William renowned for his remarkable ability to avoid responsibility, commitment, and any form of accountability has finally managed to ghost us all. And this time, there's no coming back. In his final moments, William met his fate with his trademark grace, taking a tumble and cracking his head. As he fell, his soul ascended, perhaps not quite as gracefully as his mother's infamous flagraising of stained underpants, but close enough. Oh my god. He is survived by an ever-growing list of ex-spouses, or as they like to refer to themselves, survivors, including Evelyn Stacey, who wisely escaped early, Shirley Hahn, who could be ex-wife number two, number three, or somewhere in between, and Patricia, last name intentionally unknown. Oh. Let's not forget Joan. Those divorces finalized in 1989, but we're not sure how many others are out there. We offer a special mention to the final wife, possibly number five, possibly number nine, who may or may not even realise she was married to him.

57:55Wherever she is, our thoughts are with her. William leaves behind three children, Catherine, Spencer, Nathan, Spencer, and Nika Spencer, who collectively received more excuses than birthday cards, and more disappointment than affection. Oh. There may be other children hiding in the less-documented chapters of William's life. If you're reading this, and think you might be one, chances are you are. A man of Millie- A man of Midi- A man of Maui- A man of Maui- A man of Mini- A man of Mini- Talents. William excelled at avoiding Alimony, burning bridges, and disappearing during times of emotional or financial need. His reliability was a rare-infleting thing, like a unicorn with a busy schedule. In short, he was a textbook example of what not to do as a father, husband, and human being. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations to a local charity for single parents or neglected children.

58:55Oh my god! I thought this was like a rusty one at first. I know! But it fucked up. Causes William never quite got around to supporting. A private gathering will be held to share stories, exchange, knowing eye roles, and let out a collective sigh of relief. Wherever he may be, we hope it's a place full of mirrors. So you can finally take a long hard look at himself. May he rest as the university's fit. Though he suspect it will be somewhere with no mirrors, but plenty of time for reflection. Oh. This is a paid obituary. Any opinions represented in this obituary belong solely to the author and do not represent the local paper, its management, or staff. They had to put a disc- Damn, they put a disc- They put a disc- They put a disc- They put a disc- They put a disc- They put a disc- They put a disc- I love that. I love to see it. I want to see more of them. I know. I love it. So thank you Rachel. What a good find. God, well not. RIP to him I guess. Well maybe RIP for him stands for Reflect in Peace.

59:57Reflect in Purgatory Darling. Lank Purgatory. Shit. Oh my god. Well, let's keep this scathing vibe going. We have spun in our coffins. We have bitched our obituary. We need to jump for some jump. Ass. CREVENO! CREVENO! CREVENO! CREVENO! CREVENO! Okay, we've got a repeat offender. I report we've got a repeat offender. What? This is my favorite thing because it's happened So few times in obituary history. He gives no fucks. He's sniffin' butts baby. That's right. The serial butt sniffer is back in action. He's back at it again. Wait. You talked about him. Yes. Forever ago and he's fucking back. The champ sent... Actually, he sent this us on TikTok. I don't know if you ever look at TikTok DMs. But he sends us so many. Are you serious? He does. Yeah, you gotta go look. Okay, I gotta go look. So shout out to the champ for this one. Shout out. This came out two days ago from KTLA5.

1:00:58Quote a Southern California man with a history of arrest for sniffing women's rear ends in public has been arrested again. Glendale police department said they received a call about a suspicious man shortly after 3.30 p.m. on Friday. An unidentified business. It was Marshall's. I saw in another article. The man was seen hunkered down in the aisles and appeared to be sniffing someone out according to police. What if this mugshot is a dog? Grrrr. As officers were finishing up their response, oh no, no, this wasn't a Marshall's. As officers were finishing up their response to that call. They got another from the Marshall's at brand Boulevard and Broadway reporting a similar incident. Officers reviewed surveillance video for both locations and identified the suspect as police Crowder 39. Crowder was located shortly after that on the 100 block of South Brandt police said. He was arrested for violating his parole. Girl that courtroom. You know he has to go there and they're like, Crowder, you're back again.

1:02:00Yeah, you know what? I told you to quit sniffing butts out there. Listen, he wants to come sniff my and I got something lethal. Crowder. Die. He'll die. That courtroom everyone probably asked to wear like potato sacks or something. And Mrs Williams, will you show us what Crowder did? Can you show the jury? He was arrested. He's a sex offender. Yeah, it's gross. He was arrested last August for butt sniffing inside a store in Burbank roughly a month after he was taking a custody for a similar offense at Burbank's Empire Center Shopping Center. He's on the loose. Girl he cannot get enough. He can't get enough and he's on the loose and he's in our hometown. Girl, he's in Burbank. He's over there. Wow. Okay. I don't know what I would do. I'd probably like rip ass or I'd swing. Like I feel like it would piss me off. Like I know where... Get out of there.

1:03:00Get out of there. That's not for you. Yeah. Nasty. Or I go... You like that? Oh. Yeah. He'd love it. I got sepsis once. Do it now. He never did it again. He has crazy pink eyes. He has a brown nose. Brown nose and a pink eye. He's a brown nose. He's a brown nose. He's a brown nose. He's a brown nose. He's a brown nose. Brown nose and a pink, pink eyes. Damn. D-D-Megadoodoo. D-D-Megadoodoo. God, who do you have? He loved D-D-Megadoodoo. This came out a couple days ago. This is from AL.com, but it is a real news story. A Florida man is in the news. This says, A Florida man has been charged in the theft of a $7,100 funeral stretcher. From a South Alabama funeral home, and it's not the first time police say he's been linked to the bizarre crime. He's a funeral home stretcher, robber.

1:04:02Damn. Ozark Police on Friday announced charges against 58-year-old Christopher Michael Johnson. And said the investigation uncovered a sophisticated ring of similar crimes across the southeast, including Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, and Florida. Johnson was arrested in Georgia two years ago on similar crimes. Police at the time said Johnson would try to sell the stolen medical stretchers to different funeral homes in the area for profit. Isn't that crazy? D-D-M-A-S. D-M-A-S. Looks like we're still having problems even in the big 2026 respecting death. I know. And we do have his mugshot. See it, God. Just a miserable looking guy. Todd in the act. Oh my God. I can't do it. You'll never get away with it. Remember that lady that was like stealing flowers and stuff and princesses and selling them? Never for ever. Stop fucking with dead people and things.

1:05:03Do it. Leave it. Good. Respect these days. No respect at all. Well Spencer, I want to wish you a very safe and fun day. And a fun and adventurous trip back to me. Thank you. I hope it's boring and fast. Boring and fast. Yes. And it's boring and fast. Love that. And I just can't wait to help you back. Oh God. Yes. And then just so you guys know for next week's episode, I think I'll be at a random Airbnb somewhere. And then after that, we're in the office. Double trouble. Madison's going back to work. Going back to work. She's got more pants. No! No, don't make me. Yeah. Oh man. Alright, well we'll see you next week. Don't worry. It was some more coffins, spinners. And obituary's. And dumb. As. Drimmers.

1:06:03Good bye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye.