My Mom Won't Stop Racking Up Debt (I've Already Paid Off Thousands for Her)

0:00Brought to you by the EveryDollar app, start budgeting for free today. Hey Dave, thanks for taking my call. Sure. So, I'm trying to get some advice from you. I've got kind of a long term problem here with my mother and I think I should give a little backstory here. About 15 years ago or so, her house was paid for, and we had her car paid off. I knew she's always been a spender. I've been supplementing her income the last 10 years and, you know, I knew she was spending on credit cards, so first I gave her $3,000 to pay them off, then I gave her the next year, $5,000 and then it went to $7,000 and then in 2024, she had racked up $21,000

1:06in credit card debt and I had a heart to heart with her and I paid them off, gave her $21,000 and let me guess it's right back. Yeah, I told her I was I was done, I was not doing this anymore and it's just kind of continued. Where is it today? Yes. She's at $33,000. So she went above and beyond, she outdid herself. Yes. And so last year, I think I should, if I can't continue a little, I, I'm just trying to figure out how I can help my mother, I wanted to be okay, but I don't want, you know, I paid her mortgage off and I didn't pay her credit cards off. I felt like at least I had some control and this is an asset that's appreciating.

2:11What's your question, Steve? I know you want to keep going on, but we're pretty clear what's going on here on our end. So what's your question for us? So my question is, you know, what to do? You know, I don't want to do what you said, don't pay him, Steve, Steve, were you just, were you just playing poker with her and trying to bluff her when you told her you weren't going to do it again? Well, you know, I guess how do I, no, no, no, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, that was a real question, yes or no? Were you bluffing or did you mean it that you were never going to pay off credit cards again? Hey guys, George here with an important heads up, mortgage interest rates just dropped and that is great news if you've been holding off on house hunting or refinancing. But it also means a lot of other people are about to jump back into the market. And my good friends at Churchill Mortgage will give you a custom plan and a special offer so you can buy or refinance the smart way before the market shifts. So go check it out by going to Churchill Mortgage.com slash Ramsey offer.

3:15That's Churchill Mortgage.com slash Ramsey offer. This is a paid advertisement in the MSID 1591 in the MS Consumer Exist.org equal housing lender. Yes or no? Were you bluffing or did you mean it that you were never going to pay off credit cards again? I meant it. Okay, then now you have to prove that you meant it. There's something that you're, there's something in you that feels like you're bad or feels guilt for not solving her problem. And you're guilt about not solving her problem is stronger than you're logic for actually doing the right thing. Well, you know, I understand that. And so I stood, you know, I took my guns, she begged me to pay them off again. I didn't do it. Like I said, I paid the mortgage off. In fact, she actually got mad at me for doing that as crazy as that sounds. It does sound crazy, but it sounds crazy for both of you guys.

4:16Here's what I want you to not do. If if if can and I give you a response going forward, I want you to not answer with the past. I want you to answer with something also that will be going forward. Is that fair enough? Okay. Because the milk is spilled, right? Here we are. There was years of enablement. And now we're at a precipice of a new way of doing life for both you and your mother, right? Correct. Hopefully. And so Ken and I are going to help you get to that point and go forward from here and leave the past in the past. Yeah. So I guess my question to this is bankruptcy. She's she signed up for a debt consolidation company and I don't want her to get taken advantage of. So that's the gist of my thoughts. I don't think you have to worry about her being taken advantage of. I think she she's the take advantage or I don't think you have to worry about that.

5:19Well, Steve, I listen, I have a lot of sympathy for you. I really do. But you called us and you're asking us questions in the question that you're not actually asking is what is okay for me to do and what is not okay for me to do? You're not asking it that way and you're just circling the drain emotionally with her. And so you're asking like, what about bankruptcy and all these things? Here's the deal. Your mother would be considered by the state wherever she lives, right? Capable of managing her own money, yes or no? Yes. Okay. And even then you're struggling. You're still making excuses for your mom. Your mom is a grown woman who has got all kinds of pain and there's a backstory that leads to all of this behavior. But none of it matters. That's why I'm not going to list it out. What matters is you and Jade nailed it.

6:19You're in a really tough emotional spot. And I think what you're supposed to do here is acknowledge what kind of a tough emotional spot you're in. I would share it one last time with mom. Hey, I'm now out financially, but I will tell you the residue is I'm emotionally worried for you. And I feel like I'm not being a good son, but here's the problem, mom. If I bail you out, you're not going to stop and it's going to hurt our relationship. So I can no longer worry about you. So I'm going to lay it out, mom, you can't keep doing this. Here are your options right now. You're going to have to manage your own money and you're going to have to wash your hands of this or else it's going to drive you absolutely emotionally insane. And then you're going to end up truly resenting your mother. This is a sad part is that you can't do anything. Are you the only child, Steve? Is it just you? Well, I grew up, yeah, so technically I am and we could go down some deeper rabbit holes

7:22but I grew up with two step brothers and a step sister. And they're not in the equation today, are they in the equation today or no? They're not. Okay. And how old is your mom? She's getting ready to turn 80. Okay. Yeah, I have some physical problems. I agree with Ken. She's she's 80 but she's she's still here. She's her mind sounds like her mind works plenty well, right? It's not she's not slipped. Is she slipping? Without going down the rabbit hole, she's had some depression issues for certain depression. Okay, but I'm talking about is she is she with it? You know, no dimension, nothing like that, right? Aside from her giving you the power of attorney and and basically her custodian for a lack of a better word, I know that's not the right word, so take it easy on me in the comments. But aside from her, a green for you to manage her money, that's all you can do.

8:26So maybe you talk mom into doing that with her being 80 with health problems, then you can manage her money. But aside from her giving you that, she'll she'll die with this debt is the sad part. So that's not your problem. And I'm really sad that you're in this situation. I think your one move is to go, mom, will you let me be in charge of all your money? Give me total control and I'll take care of you. That's the only shot you got. Create your free every dollar budget today, the simplest way to budget for your life.