How a Relationship Coach Unlocks the Conversation Couples Avoid

0:00A lot of times the stories were telling ourselves that our spouse is doing to make us mad or to do this, it's a story we're telling ourselves. And that's kind of what I touch on in the book. There's some ways to make sure that you're communicating on a level that's respectful of something that really matters to the person or makes them feel loved. And not because we blow up these situations that are so small, but the tiny places are where we die. So it's really getting them at this crucial juncture in a relationship. And most of the time they don't have a tool to have a conversation about what they really want from each other. And they get stuck and you stay there for years and years if the person won't be what you need. That's why we need to know. Are you in or out? Vesta Gauntlet is an insightful, purpose-driven relationship coach and the founder of Vesta Enterprises, LLC. Guided by a commitment to relational clarity, she helps couples navigate difficult conversations, driving a legacy of emotional resilience and empowered connections. But I do say on the front of the book, it's reading this book will change a relationship. It's a warning because it is not going to be able to go back once you've had this conversation.

1:00Wow, OK. And there's another twist for you. Do you want to know what it is? It's a day. I don't want to plan it. It spans the globe, like a super high school. Internet Elvis. Ready? Ready? And today, Apple is going to reinvent the ball. It's not over. Until I win. The Living Your Legacy podcast for those who live to leave a legacy. It's extraordinary. It's impossible. Oh, that is sensational. Open. Chicago is the way you say it. Ball is the box is not on the planet. You can live your dream. Hey, welcome back, everyone, to another episode of Living Your Legacy podcast. I'm your host again, Jason Langen. And thanks for joining us down here in the Sunny Mountain Beach studios in our podcast room, where we get the opportunity to speak to some of the best entrepreneurs from around the country, the disruptors. And the experts, like we have here today, for our Love Experts show. Yeah, why don't you introduce yourself?

2:00What's your name? Where are you from? And what do you do? My name is Vestigontley. I'm from Cordelene, Idaho. And I am a Love expert. I have written a book to help couples find joy in a relationship. OK, love the experts. So you like to have them here, right? It's such an important part of our lives, right? Yes. To love. It's like the meaning of life sometimes, right? And so you help out couples, mostly Mary couples. Yes. OK. But the book is flexible. OK. And what kind of issues are you trying to help them out? Mostly communication, intimacy, and longevity. They want to stay together. OK, OK. And you are helping them. Do they come seek you out before things get crazy in their relationship? Or it's usually after. After. OK. And so what's the main thing where is getting in the way of them having good communication? Or what's the big problem that you see when people see you? So the book is called, are you in or out? Because they're at the point where they're like,

3:01I've been here for maybe eight, 10 years, man. You in? Yeah, are you out? Exactly. So it's really getting them at this crucial juncture in their relationship. And most of the time, they don't have a tool to have a conversation about what they really want from each other. Yeah. And they get stuck and you stay there for years and years in my mind's wasting time. If the person won't be what you need, that's why we need to know. Are you in or out? So I could see them asking themselves in the mirror, like, are you in or are you out of this? Yeah. And also asking their partners, right? You in, are you out? Because maybe one's more committed than the other, right? Absolutely. And so, yeah, is it more important to ask themselves that question or their partner? I think that it's very difficult for most couples who've been together that long, especially if they're children to even ask the question, even if they're thinking it. Yeah. So I feel that the book gives them a vehicle to have that conversation with a few boundaries to help them move forward. It's a very short book. You can read your hat, the book flips over. One side is the husband's partner spouse.

4:02One's the wife. Completely different material. But same angle. You will either end up on the page where you want to stay together and plan a new life and break those habits or you emically move on. Those are the only two choices. Amazing. So you were talking about how the book flips, right? So are you saying that it literally flips and it's like you have to turn it upside down and order to read it? Yes. So the front cover, the main cover you would see on the shelf, it's a dark blue that's the husband's spouse side. And then the other side is Tiffany Blue for the ladies. And the book literally flips over, which is a publishing challenge, but I found a publisher that I can work with to make that happen. Who's buying your book more? Is it the men, the women? The women. OK. Yes, definitely. And a lot of them are reading it themselves because it's a lot of questions that you need to be asking yourself that you probably didn't want to face. So it's really helpful for them. I find that they're reading it to know where they stand before they hand it over. Gotcha. Gotcha. So it doesn't matter who's buying it because the women buy it and then they give it to the men to say, hey, you need to read this, right? Right.

5:02But it doesn't matter who buys it. Because if a husband brings it to you, that is a huge step that he's aware that there's issues. And so I do think it doesn't matter how they get it if they work through it, but it is telling who purchases it. And so you talked about there's communication and what were the two other main things? So for most marriages, it's the communication-insubsti connection. Gotcha. Gotcha. It's intimacy and connection. It sounds similar. Well, one is a little bit more like you can communicate and be connected on the daily things you're doing with your family and your life. And you can have that level. But once you go deeper, what do we want in the future? Do we still want what we wanted 20 years ago? Do we still want to move to North Carolina and fish? These things all have changed in the time period of your life, right? People change, right? And yeah, it's almost like sometimes you lose yourself and you want to refine it, right? Exactly. So it's almost like, hey, do I have to be out of this marriage or maybe can I be free for a little bit and then come back,

6:03right? I don't know. Yeah, it's all how they determine to decipher where they land it, right? Because it's great if you both end up on the one, let's be together. But we need to fix stuff because it's not working. So that's one path. One is we both end up on, let's amicably move on, be respectful, make it as quick as possible, and is kind to each other. The questions come in a little more when they land on two different pages. Is take a break a thing or no? And not in my book, but I mean, I don't think it's not an option. But I do stay on the front of the book. It's reading this book will change your relationship. So warning, because it is not going to be able to go back once you've had this conversation. Wow, OK. And there's another twist for you. Do you want to know what it is? I guess so, yeah. In the book, you are actually going through it like a choose your own adventure book. OK. So each page literally has questions and you choose the one you want to continue through the book. OK. So page one. That's for straight to the intimacy. That's right. So really, this is about you being honest. No one's knowing what you're choosing on your side. But it does lead you through to one of those two pages.

7:04And you have to choose. So every experience, every person who reads it is going to have their personalized experience as long as they're honest. And then you're going to flip back. And you're like, OK, what was the other path, right? I always did that and choose your own adventure. You know? You could do that. Absolutely. I think you might find you chose incorrectly. On the first page for the Asmons, it says, which of these resonates with you? And the first thing says, for example, this book is stupid in a way, so money. Go to page three. The next one says, oh, I didn't know what things were this bad. Go to page whatever. And the last one says, oh, yeah, I'm not surprised. I have this book. But the first one, it says, if he goes to that page, it says, if you pick this out of a knee jerk reaction, go pick again. If this is how you feel, go to page 50, done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're right. He can go right to the end. You're also forcing people to make choices and decisions of just saying, hey, it's not just reading through this. It's like, yeah, it's almost like teaching them how to make choices, right? Because in the end, they have to make a choice. So you win. Or you win. Yes. So clever. You caught right on. Yes. Well, also, it makes them accountable.

8:05You're the one that's a clever one. Because you're the one. I'm just repeating the brilliance of what you're booking. Well, thank you. Yes. But no, I think it's really important because when I was trying to find a book like this, I couldn't find it. Yes. Working with clients. And it's like, they don't want to read the, the, you know, it's like, okay, save your marriages, two inches of material. That's all written in, you know, psychology speak, if you will. So I made it very clear, very direct, very easy to choose. And in relational situations, that will make sense to anyone, to get them on the right path. Or the path for them. And so what is a big thing that saves marriages? You kind of, kind of just being open to each other. I think that being able to communicate how you're truly feeling, even if sometimes you don't know why you're feeling that way. And I have some elements of that in the book. And sometimes there's things that you tell yourself. A lot of people they don't know why they're feeling that way. They're just not being honest. I think it's a combination. Because it's like, just be honest with yourself. You're like, spit it out, right? Yes. I think it's a combination because I think some people don't always understand where the problem lies, if you will.

9:07So this helps them identify by de-escalating all the previous sites. Like, you start with good intentions. You're like, we need to talk. And it's like, you never come on Friday. You're always got, you know, you miss all the kids. And then they'll go back in their usual bike, you know, a cycle. So I think the booklets them have a little safe space and some shared vocabulary to sort of de-escalate and move forward. When it comes to intimacy, right? I mean, even today's relationships, it just seems like so complicated with, you know, multiple partners, right? And that is not in my book. Okay. You don't go into the modern relationship, no, all that stuff. This one, it this, I, So are you in or are you wow? Or in today's relationships, do you want to bring someone in? Or are they out, right? Oh, I never even thought of interpreting it that way. No, this first book is specifically for a couple that is together. Okay. Now, you could use it, you know, with same site. If you chose which site resonated with you. Yeah. But it really is for just the standard definition,

10:07not that I don't love everyone of marriage. And then the next books I have several others in the series I'm going to be writing for couples who are engaged. What should they be talking about before they get married? You know, couples who are in a military family because there's a lot of dynamics around that. So I have some books that I plan on to keep the series going. But right now I wanted to really focus on what I feel is really big in the world today for divorce, you know, in general. So I think it's really important to find and bring more joy to couples and give them a tool that they couldn't have, didn't have, just didn't exist. Do you think couples are being more traditional or like you see the modern couple of how they different, right? I think the people that are drawn to where I've worked with couples before in workshops and wrote this book, this more traditional. Not to say that many of these things couldn't apply, you know. But I feel like yes, it is more to the traditional side because that's where I was coming from. And to be authentic for me, I had to write from that source of authenticity. Yeah. But are they more knowledgeable couples because, you know, there's so much information out there in social media, right?

11:08There's influencers. So if they had, you know, before they're going to your book and buying your book, they're probably, you know, getting advice from, you know, someone online or they've searched, right? So are they more knowledgeable, I guess, going into these troubled relationships? I feel there's a combination. There's almost too much information. Hmm. I think people get overloaded. Yeah, they're like, I learned this person said this and this person said the opposite. And I don't know where to start. So that's why I wanted to build it with them directing what they were learning and reading because they're juicing which one. So whatever makes sense for them is going to be the experience that they have. Yeah. So I think that that's the difference for the information overload that we have today. Because you literally could ask the same question and get 10 answers when it comes to relationship, 20 answers, 30 answers, right? Yeah. Everyone has their own ideal. That's why this to me is back on their side. You decide what is important to you. You decide what intimacy means. You decide what communication means. Yeah. Because intimacy, even itself, like you said, is a loaded word. It can mean a whole list of things depending on who you're asking.

12:11You know, is it just being close on the couch? Is it you telling about your dreams if you had a bad day? Is it you're telling me where you want to live when we retire? Is it sharing at that level? Or is it just sexual intimacy, right? So there's so many different options that I touch highly on different ways to show love to the person just very high end because I'm really just about answering the question. Are you in or out? The rest all will have to be worked on separately. Yeah, because I feel like after, you know, with so much information, it's like, okay, after a thousand hours of watching Dr. Phil, you think you know, the better, you know, the better kind of, you know, what to do in your relationship, right? Yeah, I mean, I feel like with modern day couples, people are more honest, right? Maybe. Yeah, I don't know. I have a friend who, I don't know what I forget what she calls it, but she, you know, honestly has a person she's dating and then they honestly date other people and then they come back together. So that's like her core relationship. And then she has these other people that she, that add different things to her life,

13:14right? So if you're open and honest, which you have to be in that situation, then yes, I mean, that's some things I have seen with. I went saying necessarily a younger generation because I have seen it mixed, but it is something I think that would be more open to the younger generation. Does a love language play anywhere in your book and is that important? I do. I give Gary Chapman all the credit, but I do re-title them a little bit to express what I needed to say in the book, but I do talk about that because when you are asking someone to love you in a certain way and they are loving you in a way that doesn't make you feel loved, it's not the same. It's like you rest, understand that for me to feel loved, it has to be in this language. Luckily, I'm all fine. So I'm easy. But it is really hard. You know five. All five. I like you to buy me presents. I like you to bring, you know, say nice things. One has to kind of like surface to the top. I suppose so, but I've even done a couple of tests. It's like different percentages, right? But all mine are all really close and even on his test. Because I think they're all important.

14:16You know, I'd rather hit all of them and then hopefully I got everyone with someone and tell you get to know them more and obviously eight to ten years in. You probably know what they would like you to do. That's where this critical time comes because it gets to a point if you don't have the communication intimacy that you're purposely doing what they don't want you to do because your ego has come into it and other reasons that happen in life and you're actually sabotaging yourself by not doing what they need. And that happens a lot in relationships. I see it all the time with couples. So it's really getting down to do you want more joy? Do you want to be happy? And what about communication? Communication is like complete and total openness. The communication that you're striving for. For it is. No, I would say I was waiting for your next thing. I would say that's the couple's decision. I think they have to decide how much that communication level needs to be. If you're going to call me and say I'll be home late and you're going to go out with the guys for a drink. I don't care. But then there's other things where don't buy that without just having a discussion because

15:16it's quite expensive. Or we need to make sure we're putting money aside for this future event for retirement. So there are conversations that you need to have and then there's ones you could choose. So I think it just depends on the couple. And I think it's good to have a little mystery myself. But not when it comes at any of the major, like if it's infidelity or addictions, things like that, those you can't hide. I mean, my mind. You have to be honest about those. But there's things where you can choose and they're going to be able to determine that level. It's good for them. And what intimacy means for them? Let's say, right? What about sex? I'm going to say the word sex. Okay. But we wouldn't allow to curse. So when it comes to sex, right? And what if it's just like completely off? What if what if the man is into some crazy stuff that the woman isn't really into? Right. But everything else is amazing. Yeah, I'd say maybe in those thrupled, open couples, maybe they feed that that way.

16:19In a traditional couple, I feel like, and I don't want to make anything to just, you know, everyone has their own relationship. Yeah. But if that's something that really needs to be fed or had for that husband in this situation, then you need to find the solution that works that she's comfortable with and that he's comfortable with, you know. So there's a solution for everything you're saying. I think you can find some sort of compromise in anything. I can't put myself in this particular situation. But I do think that if the couple is honest and open, I can't put myself in a particular situation either. You know, when they brought it up, I'm not trying to say anything that, you know, I'm just trying to put that out there for the podcast. Right. Well, I think it was great for interest. I do think that though I've heard stories and couples have shared where there is something like that that they have a need for. Yeah. Whatever you want to call it. And so that really comes down. I know people that have actually opened up their marriage because of that. And as long as they're both being respected and feel like they're part of the decision, then I think that that could work for that couple. But in general for that sex topic, you know, you always think that, oh, he wants more

17:23sex and she doesn't. But I'm finding in as we age, it's almost the opposite. And so we're saying, hey, where are you? And they're like, I'm tired. And there's that. You know, and it's like, so I wanted to just make sure that we're looking at both sides because a lot of people think, oh, it's always the men who want that. But we want it too. So, you know, when there's that problem, the rises, you really need to have that conversation. Yeah. And that's why your book flips. Right? Because it's like, oh, okay, the situation flipped again, right? Exactly. And I think you have to look at what each person needs because not everyone falls in line with, I follow all the male traits. I follow the female traits. You could have a male who's very touchy-feely and romantic and you could have a female who's like, whatever. You know, so I think you need to look at each couple individually and that's why it's so important that they're the one reading the book and choosing those pages. So you think marriage today is still an important thing? Because it's really like, you know, like the marriage kind of contrast, right? Is some people saying it's so outdated, right?

18:25And it's really even changed and evolved, right? What are your thoughts on that? Me personally, I think when it was conceived and when the idea of marriage was to help protect the woman and to raise a family in a condition, it met a purpose. You know, I served a great purpose and sometimes we were chattel and other words, but, you know, it was a protective idea. But we only lived to like 30 or 40 years old back then. So now you have this extended longevity. So you have to be much more intentional in your relationship if you choose to be married. Because you have so much more to go through together that if you're not intentionally trying to grow together, then you're going to not stay together. That's important. Growth together, right? Because people change. So if you're not changing together, right? And if you don't have a goal together, then it's going to make things so much more difficult, right? If you guys are, your goals are like this, then the path is like that and it's obviously you're just getting farther from each other.

19:25Exactly. Yeah. And so we were going to do this. And then the life's like, yeah, we're not doing that. The grandkids are here now. We're not moving there. You know, but in one of their minds, that was what's happening. Yeah. No, they never revisited or recalibrated where they were in their relationship or in their life. And I do think that has to be essential. If you're going to choose marriage as a path, it is essential that you stay on board with where you're going together. How much easier would it be if newlyweds were like, we want this in 10 years, this in 25 years, and everything they were doing was intentionally going that way, not just going through the grind, right? So I think when we set those goals and we end up at the white ticket fence. And beyond, hopefully, right? I always think of that with fairy tales and I lived happily ever after until he left his socks on the floor and tell you know, or she did something. So it's really about choosing. You have to choose love every day. You have to choose joy every day. It is a choice. It's an easy choice for the first part of the marriage and maybe it has some challenges, but you just really have to be intentional in and forgiving and understand that a lot

20:27of times the stories were telling ourselves that our spouse is doing to make us mad or to do this. It's a story we're telling ourselves. Yeah. So you really need to know the story behind the story to know if it is even as big of a deal in some cases as you think it is. And that's kind of what I touch on in the book. There's some ways to make sure that you're communicating on a level that's respectful of something that really matters to the person or makes them feel loved. And not because we blow up these situations that are so small, but the tiny places are where we die. So Jeff buy a thousand cuts, right? And so I really want to encourage people to have the conversation and say, are you willing to do? And usually it's not even that big of a thing, but it's big to them, right? And it's impactful to them. So that's why you need to have the conversation. So what's the, give us a little bit of your story behind this story, right? How long have you been a love expert, right? And what led you to writing the book? I think all of us in life have experienced some love. So we all have some, some stories and knowledge to share. For me, this came to me while I was walking home from the gym.

21:30And I thought, I need a book that gets to this. I'd hosted a couple of workshops with couples. And I realized they needed a pre workshop event because I wanted to work with the ones that definitely want to stay together. Yeah. And so how do I figure out who that is, right? So I thought I should write a book. So I was walking home and I started writing a book. And I started writing it and just writing, to ask him my questions. And I already had decided to do it in that format. But I realized I couldn't ask the husbands and the wives the same questions. Where they're coming from at that point in life is not the same. Yeah, so we need to get some work to get to the same playing field. And then that'll be gay. Yeah, exactly. Hopefully, with restraint. But yes, and what I found was not only did I have to write the questions differently, not only did I have to use different language for each of their sites of the book. I had to also common language that they could share. And then writing it just as its own, I would choose your own adventure style book is very difficult to write because you have to go down every rabbit hole on every page and make

22:31sure it goes somewhere. I mean, I own my editor came back. One of the pages went nowhere. They just stuck up. So I'm like, where's the page number that was on here? So very detailed, right? So it's a little bit more challenging on that level. It's not just what I'm trying to tell you, but how I'm trying to present it to you to make sure that you are resonating with information. And it was also important that it be very short. 50 pages on each side. That's it. 30 minutes. Yeah. And you know if you're in or out, or you know if you're not sure if you're in and out, but you do know something. And the book comes with a warning that says reading this book will change your relationship. Even if you only read to your side. Yeah. It's still an impact to you. So they do a lot of deep internal diving. Mm-hmm. Yep. And they have to be honest with where they want to be. And I think for some couples, it might be, oh great. I have to wrote this book. Now I can give it to my husband until I want a divorce. I'm afraid to have that conversation or vice versa. That husband's like, oh, thank you for giving me this opening. And divorce is not the worst thing. It's not a divorce book. I want to be clear. Yeah.

23:31But I do feel like it's not. If you're not happy and you're not bringing joy to each other. And if you have kids, they know it. Yeah. So what do you want to be modeling? Right? And the past, like grandparents for you, probably, in my parents, you know, you got married and you stayed married. Even if it was horrible. Even if there was abuse. And they just, that was the mindset, right? Yeah. And I think so many more people now are like, not working out. It's not so much, I believe, that we aren't as intentional in our vows and things like that. It's just, we recognize our benefit to being on this planet in this world is to be joyful and live a fun and happy, joyful life. And if that's not happening, you're not really doing your part. So you have to make the hard choices. Do you think that a lot of these people that have the issues are people that got married at such a young age? Sometimes I do think people get married for the wrong reasons. They get married with the intent of like, if it doesn't work out, well, let's get divorced, which is not the way you should be going into it, right? And I think that it seems just because like you mentioned earlier with the modern couple

24:32to use your terminology, I feel like the intent of that is like, I want to build this life with you. But if it's not working, I'm not saying. And you asked me earlier in my thoughts, I always think to myself, I feel like as you go into a relationship, it's like, okay, one year lease, we'll see if we re up. Because I feel like people would be more on their toes if they knew they could be off out next year. So I feel like if we were more intentional every part of that year, every day of that year, every hour of that year, then it would be an easy renewal. But because I have found many people that they get married and then all the things they did when they were dating, they're like, yeah, I don't really want to do that. So I'm not doing any more. And now you're so hook. You know, so I just feel like at the beginning of the marriage, because as you're saying this, I'm just thinking in my head, I'm like, you know, would you, if you were a gambling man, would you bet $50,000 at this marriage will work out? I mean, we don't have great divorce rates in the world. So I mean, I have great ones if you're betting on that and make it or not, you'd be pretty

25:33clear which way to bet. I think that's a pretty black and white situation because of their numbers. And I think that comes back to not having the skills. So if you can read a book and you can get the skills and you can stay with a person that you love, feeling loving, then that's quite... It's a lot of work. It is a lot of work. And people need trainers and coaches all the time on things, right? And it's the same with your marriage, right? Yes. I love that you said that because I would help you. Like if you're not sure on either side or if you want to work together as a couple, I think that for what the book can do for you is so much more than if you don't do the book work first and then you go to counseling. You don't know what page you're on. But if you do the work before and then you want to go with a coach like me or a traditional, whatever your path is that makes you the most feel, the most likely to succeed, then you're more prepared. But if you go into that very first one and you don't even know if the person really wants to be there, how are you going to move forward because they're not telling their truth? They're not, they're not being honest because they don't want to, they don't want change.

26:34They don't want to go through a divorce. They don't want to have to pay alimony or child support. You know, so there's all these reasons. That's your second book. What do you want? That's a good idea because I find so many people stay married for the wrong reasons. Yeah, yeah. Right. And that's sad. You know, you just want everyone to be happy, right? It's a happy, loving, loving, happy relationship and your best friend, right? Absolutely. I'm popped in with my cousin for a long time and I was just like, you know, hope you're well. She's like in this like, you know, well, now it's not such a new relationship, but I was like, you know, and I hope that, you know, your boyfriend's still your best friend, you know? That's a sweet thing we're saying. That's true. That's true. You know, because if I hope anything for her, you know, it's like, yeah, I hope you guys are like, you know, homies, all right? But best friends, I love that because what I hear from couples is I feel like we're roommates. Roomie, this is not the same thing as the best friend. No. So as soon as you hear that word from either spouse, if they say to each other, you need the book.

27:35If you are thinking that you can't stay in this marriage because you don't know if you can do this any longer, you need this book. If you're not sure if you want to put in any more time trying to make someone happy that you can't make happy, you need this book. You know, if you are just wanting to know what you actually want now after, I always talk about what's next after the kids leave, after you retire. You know, what is it that you really want this life to look like in this next chapter of your life? You need this book because those questions are what come up and that's why a lot of you probably have seen it do a lot of people get divorced after the kids are raised because they've grown apart. They haven't had these conversations to keep them on the same path. Like you were talking to our earlier from here to here. We both want to move here. We both want to do this. We both want to travel. We both, you know, and it's so interesting when I work with them. I had one couple that came in the, they were with me separately, I separate the couple for part of the workshop and they were completely separate. I was like, how am I going to get them on the same page? And we were able to do some of the exercises and they found a solution that they both

28:35liked and they're still together. You know, so sometimes that just having a conversation or seeing the book and reading the book is enough to say, oh, I didn't realize we were so rocky. I need to get out my game. Right. And I imagine the book being used throughout their marriage. Like, okay, let's have an agreement. Things are slipping. We're not connecting. Just place the book out. And then I'll know, ooh, I bet Earth's. We're waiting up on this or, you know, there's a couple other tips I have in the book where you can kind of gently tell them things that are reducing your joy. Right. And so it just is. Leave it in the book out. It's a little slide maneuver. Oh, what is there? You're just coming home from work. You're like, oh, you know, but that is why people don't do it is they don't want to have that conversation. Yeah. But if you, everything takes time and effort. So it's easy. We're human. One of my good friends, we're human. We're going to make mistakes. You know, she tells me and it's true. And we have to have grace for that and give them a chance and us a chance to fix it before you go off and judge and everything else, right? So you want to make sure you read the book.

29:36You want to make sure you have a deadline of when you need to finish because it takes 30 minutes. So let's make sure it's quick. Yeah. There's a worksheet you can download from my website that you can fill out as you go to further keep it on a even keel and do you escalate any issues and I ask you, what things trigger you about finance, about most, you know, most, a lot of marriages break up because of money, who's in charge? How's it in any sense? Different, another difficult one. Right. So I ask them to list those so that they can come into the meeting, no distractions, no children, no dogs, nothing that keep you from having the conversation. Yeah. No more excuses. Yeah. And you bring your paper if you needed it or you can write in the book, I leave places for you to write in there as well. And you can just have the conversation. Knowing that outcome might not be what you want. And you have to know that when you... Did I have the conversation then maybe got your answer. That's right. If they want to open the book, you have your answer. If I gave that book and said, please read this book and my spouse said, I'm not reading it, he's done. Yeah. And there's no other conversation to have.

30:36Yeah. Right. He's clearly communicating how he feels. Right. And vice versa as well. So I think it's really important for them to know if we get this book and we start to read it, we have the potential of being together and not being together equally when you start. So I asked everyone on the show, what are you most excited about? You got some projects cooking, is there a part two or maybe you're on this PR press lunch tour that's exciting, but what you got going? I am very excited. So I have the book out. I just moved to a US-based publisher because my UK one was very challenging to work with. And I had to specifically look for a publisher who handled the flipping over. You know, a lot of people are like, I'll just put it on Amazon, but I can't. They only allow one picture to be upside down, which would be a problem. So now I have a new publisher that I'm working with. I'm super excited. I'm going to have my book up on Times Square. I'm going to have more press things and I'm actually working on building more connections

31:37for speaking to encourage women. My bottom line, I'm glad the men are going to enjoy the book if their wife is happier. My bottom line was writing it for women to have more joy. Because I believe the more joy is, you are, the kids are, the house, the community, everything. It just ripples out, right? So my goal is to raise women up. Remind them that they're the leading lady in their life. They deserve that spot and that I can encourage them. And if this is a tool that helps them have that conversation with their spouse, that is what I really want to have happen. More joy in general. Yeah. We're all, it's our right. You know? Happiness, joy, right? That's what we want for everyone. Success. Inside. It's all there. Well, it's been a pleasure to have you on the show. And yeah, I wish you all the luck with your book and everything. But yeah, I mean, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. And if you want to get a hold of me, vestitalks.com. Pretty easy to remember since I'm usually talking. So vvestitalks.com. Yep. No dashes or nothing. No.

32:37And spell vestitalks.com. V-E-S-T-A. Herfvestitalks.com. Yep. All right. Amazing. And we're going to buy the book. They can buy it on Amazon. They can buy it from my website. So I would say the easiest is Amazon. Pop in there. Okay. And just put in the name and my name and you'll find it. It's an awesome tool. And what I have found is people buy multiple copies because they're like, oh, I know another couple that needs this. You know? So they buy it for their children or for their friends or for their moms or whoever. Yeah. So the best friend leaving a book on their, you know, friends. I think they should give it to the friends for Christmas and they enders day on. She's like, you guys need this, right? Just leave it on their dinner table. That's right. I'm going to put this here. I'll just let you guys decide. Yeah. So I think that is a good friend. That is a good friend. I mean, I think that that's, I would love to hear those stories. Please tell me if you do that. I would love to hear that. Yeah. Because I really feel like oftentimes those friends know more because you're sharing. Some sidelines. Yeah. And maybe they're having the great relationship. You never know. But I love that idea. I would love. Please hear your stories of why you wanted a book and how you use it.

33:39I would love that. All right. Well, and thank you guys for joining us here again. And yeah, when her episode drops, you know, you definitely tune into it. How she got there, why she wrote the book and her whole journey. But yeah, the show's love experts. We have, you know, people with the background is just love, right? Talking about love, coach and love, right? Books about love, right? Yeah. And just sharing their expertise and how to get there, right? So, but thank you for joining us and we'll see you next time. Cheers everyone.