Happy Allan's Hook Up From Hell

0:00Just before we start facts, hey, don't me. Do you think it should be okay To just completely walk away from someone if they're mid-convown. You're not interested No, it's not okay, but it maybe should be a thing. Well, yeah, like can could that be look like if someone's just telling a massive story And you're like, I can't be fucked like this is so shit. Can you just is that like can we make that? I think to just oh no, because so many people's egos and all know They're like heavy. They're self-worth would get smoked But maybe you're telling me about this story about this guy that you'll talk to and he turns everything into this crazy long story Mm-hmm. So I maybe thinking I'm like what if he because every time they start a story You just you hooked in you can't leave you can't leave you even care about you know in a night air And you haven't chat with someone and you can see over in the corner like you could be amazed to having the best chat They're all laughing and you're stuck. How do you get out of chat? Fuck me getting out of chats. That is so hard So hard and you always the toilet or I need a drink, but even that is hard

1:00You're staring at him that sharing golf. You've never heard before and that no one's ever heard before and they're all laughing and she and your Stuck talking about finances of uncle Greg. Oh, that's your you that's what you do though You you corner people you corner people and give them this business chat that they don't even want They do and they're probably looking at their mates and you're gone now listen mate mate. No, no listen Speeding and pointing that in the chest. All right calm down. Let's start the episode. I'm walking away We are back with another rathed story not from us though. Thank God. It's from One and only the one and only happy Alan I got the cream pie master it's scary to be back long journal cream pie What are they called? Well, they called long long john's long e but I think I um channel nine put me up on the news and said best cream pie So that's where that came from That was the banner on the on the story. I was best cream pie. My mum was like what the fuck is this?

2:01Yeah What do you like what's your favorite name? Yeah, oh no, no I get like a bakery suite. Yeah, is it I do like the cream and the cream and jam donuts or long john's they're He's my favorite. I fucking love them. Would you rather that or a pie? I'd say normal. Oh long e for sure really Yeah, the pies are I don't the lately the pies I've been getting. We've got the soggy bottoms. Yeah I don't like that. No, you want good pastry. I don't want a soggy bottom, but not in a pie any chunky steak in a Sweet tooth. Oh, yeah, massive. Yeah, I love that shit. All right. You're in a ride. I would yeah Yeah, I was yeah, I'm nervous to say this one. So Yeah, what what I can say you're like to put your you're like the equivalent of The Queensland dome. Yeah, that's what I really are again. You're in You don't have a lot of You're always up to mischief. I just got stories. I used to just say yes to everything like yeah Oh, yeah, fuck. Oh, that sounds fun. I'll do that and then go. Oh, what am I doing in this situation?

3:01Or then 15 years in you just didn't still haven't learned that maybe that even now I'm like Ha ha ha. That leads to great stories. Yeah, great rattles. Yeah, but you have one off. Will it was like I don't know if you've ever been like seeing a girl and like you know, she's troubled, but like No, no, it's just I've never known. It's like a flame. You know, you're mesmerized by the flame, but you know, you know, it's gonna burn you I knew what was gonna burn me. Yeah, and I just was like you but that's kind of like that it dicks you when you younger Especially like to that just Like you know, it's really bad. Yeah, and dangerous. Well me and both heads thought let's go and do it Okay, so what is that where are you so I met this girl like a few weeks prior We got along. We'll hang it out a little bit And then like like it was like a friday it was like a random midweek night It was like when's their Thursday she was like hey do you want to come over? This was like at 9 p.m And I was like oh fuck it. I was a bit toi and I was like let's go So had you met her before yeah, yeah, we're hanging out like a week we go to prior and had you hooked up before yeah

4:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so yeah, we'd already been there done that um and then you know, I was at her apartment We get a little bit of shed like lingerie on and shit and like the movie said it was dim morning It was like it was very it was hot. Okay, and then we've sitting there in my jocs and like Literally out of nowhere. It was like bang bang bang at the door like like not a knock like a fucking Oh my god, I was like oh fuck oh fuck that would freak me out I'm pretty levels up in no fucking apartment, right? Had you had you had you already slept together at this point like no We haven't we haven't we're like it was like an hour after I got there Oh, it's so you're in your and these yeah, she's in lingerie and you get in having drinks and stuff And get a big bang at the door in a studio apartment So no balcony no way out no exit one door in one door one door out up bro It's so would you say would you like? What the fuck is she goes? Oh, I think that's my other thing. That's my actually he keeps coming back and I'm like oh my god and by the sound of the thirds I'm the fucking short bloke like Do you still be punchy other? I can't fucking fuck my way of webhap about and I'm like fucking she goes hard under the bed

5:08I'm like fucking stupid. That's the first place I was If I was margining that you know this is like no someone's in there. He knows someone's in there. Oh, obviously I was getting bang bang bang bang like I felt like he was kicking I was like oh So I put my shorts up Oh my god I opened the kitchen window and I'm like look down I'm three levels up and I'm like I was like fucking I had a bit of confidence and I was like fucking so I climbed Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, how long were you like fricking a reality? I was like I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like shaking now thinking about it Yeah, and I was like, fuck it, fuck it. I'm going out the window It's what she's saying to you she's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't know she I don't know if I was a setup or like but it was like she was like it was scary for both of us An angry an angry ex is not what you need. No, and you know what? He nearly looks worse if he hide and he catches you. Yeah, because you you've already been much. He's got a basher like yeah He must have stained I'm through my career. I don't know. I'm gonna escape So I literally I'm outside the kitchen window and I've got my hands like this on the on the window ledge

6:10My feet are on like the bottom ledge behind underneath me and I'm like this and then the door fucking swings over I just think you've hopped out of the window hanging outside of the building. No, like Spidey that was like hanging on like this outside the building like that and I can just see like it was like this Oh my god, as you can see in the window. Yeah, and I'm looking right at the door. It is in front of me like this Are you serious? And then the door fucking swings open and I'm like And it was like oh fuck and I was like I was a metal is on an old old brick building and the gutter was like and I went like this and I should the gutter and it was like Sturdy hours I was like fuck it and I like did you see him? Did you see him? Yeah, no, dude we locked eyes, bro And I was standing you know and I'm like this outside the window And bro I like I reckon I know he's shoot myself and I was like fuck it and I this against worse. I Fucking start scaling down the I'm shaking talk to others. I'm scaled down the scale down the side of the building with the gutter Like fucking fireman Sam And I start I start walking out and there's fucking two of his boys sitting out the car to go

7:13Oh, I just started legging it dude So you see you made it down the made it down off the back fence. There's two cuts standing. How'd you get down down down? Oh down the gutter Like I'm gonna and slid down the side of the building Like I didn't itself to the round before What was he doing when he's after he spotted like legs and obviously and I get down the bottom So wait, so he's seen you like slide down you've got to the ground was he looking down the window at yeah Oh, I didn't look up to it. I just I was like Fuck the adrenaline. I'm getting like fuck thinking about it So these can't start chasing me do I'm running and this is like a left-end by now so it's dark Pitchback I run down to the beach and I get near the water and I'm sure listen you just you don't I'm just in shorts shorts No, no shoes and I just I drop in the sand like this no in the pitch black And I can see them walking up like on the board walk like looking around for someone with taught like with their phone torch out there for someone what beach beyond But yeah close wow and I'm like in the sand. I'm like oh fuck this is fucking terrifying

8:16Anyway, I'm like I can see them but they come literally laying down at this like like call a duty-straw like like Laying there like frozen dude. I see them start to walk off to some like trying to get my way because all my stuff was up there So I start making my way. I see a phone and everything's up there No, not my phone. Do you know what? I had Shorts on shirt up there wall it up there like shoes up there some belongings up there. No, so they may he was saw who you were in there if you open your wallet I don't know I'm not I've never thought about it. He's really listening right. Yeah, he's going to be a lot of those nerves Anyway, so I'm walking back to and I'm like on this on the bridge there and I can see the apartment And I can see the car out the front and she's calling me and stuff She's like don't come back don't come back texting me. Oh, I'm like fuck anyway They drove off and she goes you come back now if you need So I that's not that's a stitch up. Well, I went back. Oh, you idiot. I got my staff Oh And then she like was like uncomfortable staying there like because you didn't know what was gonna happen So we went in got a room for the night. So I'm down the road you stay with her. Yeah, holy shit

9:19We stayed that and then left in the morning never to be seen no contact every again never Nothing ever came up. Oh my god That's her robbing going back. Yeah until this gets released this podcast Yeah, that is loose dude. I I'm sweating thinking about that. That's my wife. I'm actually dripping breath thinking about that Yeah, like that's my worst nightmare. That's like so scary. I didn't chase like and it's not your fault Like what you don't know. Yeah, I had no idea. It's no one's fault. It's the extra fault Yeah, it's not your fault like dude. I didn't know she's crazy fucking it if I didn't they she said it was a wreck If she had a boyfriend I had no idea like I was sure we've seen each other for a couple of weeks I was under the assumption it was all fucking green lights good to go I'm literally beating sweat That is a couple of you are in the beach like full college you like yeah laying down they would have probably like Rolled you I would have got fucked up I reckon I'm like actually if I even fell from the fucking side of buildings. Oh, I do that's not yeah

10:20You could have just that's a mission impossible It's like some Tom cruising like scaling down a three story building just so lucky that the window had a gutter even to like or an away There's right there's next to like one of the old buildings like solid metal like built well like Fuckin terrified because yeah, imagine if you didn't have that drain coming down. Yeah, like he put it would come over and just punched your hands You would have any anything anything good to happen, but that was fuck we're talking Fuck 11 years ago Years and years and years ago. So hopefully there's cleared If this is seven if there wasn't the window what do you reckon you plan B would have been Just get fucking rolled Yeah, where would you hide like where's this why don't know what I would do The bed was in the lounge room like yeah, where do you go you can't go anywhere obviously and like Do you just like yeah, no, they could have a knife or anything who know I it could have to Wait, I mean, it's not It's pretty that's a rattle story that is a rat. That's rattle. I'm rattle after I come in the room But the thing is that's a moment where you just wish you just had done boxing lessons in young

11:27Just started and I put up a video of it someone's like you can't fight yourself out of wet paper I'm going to go to boxing class tomorrow morning after that. I got to start. Yeah, Sarah might have some fucking loose end out there She'd have more go than me The start on the door terrifying. Oh moment instant Get in you have to broke the door fuck bro. I was like Like that was like this scary thing that's ever happened to me. I reckon. Oh Don't doubt it. I literally perspiring dude. Well, thank you for coming on here Have you told many people that like I think I've never said that publicly ever. Yeah I mean, I've told it to my mates and stuff but I've never Loo looking get a safe house for you. I think after this She's done that for I'll be good Appreciate it. Oh, it's please You leave sweat now. Yeah, I'm sweating dude. I'm with you. Yeah, I'll actually

12:30We were talking about age a lot in this podcast, aren't we? Yeah, which is because when you get 30 You just freak out about it. Did you know what I did this morning? Well, I sent a thing I sent the cheese in the group. I was doing this form online for this pedal retreat thing and It had an age thing. It's like what age you but it didn't have like how old are you? It had like different things so it had like are you 25 to 28 or you 20? And then my thing was are you 31 to 35? So they had 31 to 35. I did take that box. The next one was like See, I'm still in the bracket below. So I'm all good. The next one was up until 40 That's all it was and then what the youngest one started at 18 So you know where I was down that column. I was at the bottom. Yeah, you're going really low. That's so fuck so This age that we're at weddings You know, they're kind on the horizon. Yeah, you know, I'm sure a lot of people the younger this I've had weddings But we're in the work at the the inner atmosphere. We're late bloomers. The inner atmosphere and

13:31We have sent out to you guys to get some horror stories from weddings because They happen they happen. There's so much build up pressure It's meant to be like the perfect day. I feel really sorry for brides because like you know, they just want the good weather They want it to be perfect weather is the scariest because you can do every bit of prep you can But you have no control over the weather mother nature has its own its own rules and we've hurt you Did you go to one of our mates weddings up in the jamburu and it was just torrential No, balsy. Oh, I remember that day. It was playing the worst day of weather of everything of the year Yeah, it was But this is behind our house one of the I made some high school head of wedding at the back of our place in the in the mountains and it was He's seeing the whole the whole weekend whole thing so heavy man Like because you got to plan there like five months or maybe even a year in advance. Yeah, because so much money Oh the money I just the money that is involved with this ridiculous. You think you could do with it

14:34But one night it's just crazy and the more you put the it's normally the more people put into it the worst the wedding Like the worst they get screwed over They get because it I brought it to a bride weddings mean a lot. I think that they also did for a groom But I don't say more for a bride Well, it's just naturally what a girl from a young age would it's just what you're romanticized But like a lot. Yeah, and that's cool like that's like what they look forward to which is sick But that that would stress them out so much. I couldn't imagine thinking that That being that excited for something your whole entire life To then just you got your one moment to not know about the weather. Yeah Are we got some submissions here from listeners that some are written in some of voice mamos Andy After the wedding the bride and groom were locked out of their room. They had to sleep with the in laws So like that's the night when you mentally get it done. Imagine if you're like really Get it done

15:35Like you know say you're religious that's your that's your not to break things down like get it done We know you mean well, I'm thinking if they're really religious They might not They might have eaten you know That was the night to like Ununravel each other what dude What are we reading if I can sex normally yeah 50 shades of weddings come on Get it done but like that yeah, no, you do want to you do want to get it done That's awkward, but I'll get it now. You just do what you want to make some sweet tender love. Oh, yeah That's what I mean. That's like yeah, it's not getting it done. Well like it's like It's getting on with it getting it on I should have said getting it on getting it on getting it on Getting it on getting it on All right Abby So basically I work Weddings so I wait for us at weddings Um, and I've heard many of weird speeches But the weirdest I think I've ever heard was from the mother of the groom

16:35Who was going on about her her son is so respectful and how he's an amazing person And she went all the way back to when he had his first girlfriend And he came to her to say I want to start having sex The first girlfriend is not the woman he was marrying And I was in the middle of the crowd roaming food when she said that and everyone's mouth fell open She continued to go on about how she explained to him contraceptive and how you can do it in a respectful manner and how amazing he was all about it In front of everyone and there was just silence when she said it and then he can she said How he came back to her afterwards And they spoke about it and she said he was so respectful and yeah probably top 10 Weirdest speeches. Oh, that is all quid The worst thing is she had time to prepare that speech I know why are you talking about like your son having sex and for the first time that's someone that's not you as like a 16 year old But talking about six year old having sex at the oh that's weird

17:38Oh, how dude let's talk about the speeches like they are So awkward some people just you know, obviously they're not public speakers and stuff But I've seen some shocker speech what's the one give me one example. What's it? What's an example of a bad speech? Just someone that's like you know when someone like tries to make jokes and you just feel that sorry for them No, they're so nervous and it's just not landing. I just and you just want to go give my hug And the more nervous they get like the worse and worse again the best speeches of the death like the dads and the pops and shit Yeah, just when people aren't trying to be funny. It's so funny But there were some some some some weddings and stuff you go It's just the you felt you hear the same speech 50 times. Yeah, so just mate Get on with it. Get a bit of a color over here. Yeah the next ones from Oli Alrighty, so My girlfriend Shista was getting married My my girlfriend and she was a She was a bridesmaid So I on the satellite caught up with my cousin to kill time

18:40So we caught up she then dropped me off back off at the hotel and I've gone up to my room Expecting no one to be there. So I've scanned in my card and the groom's mum was standing naked at my bed And I was that Shock dude And what's what the fuck is going on here? Oh my god, I apologize in thousands of longs and then Waded out in the hallway and she she comes out five minutes later Apologizing saying she was just using your shower And then five minutes later five ten minutes later I get a message from my girlfriend saying by the way The groom's mum is using our shower because the groom's been getting ready in her room And yeah, it's pretty open That's great is hilarious dude that's this that's a scary and then that's an awkward waiting from there not out that's

19:47Oh my god, you can't recover from that you cannot recover from that. I don't care what anyone says I know, but you're over like walking on someone naked or someone walking on you naked like what's more awkward? Being the one naked I'd rather get walked in on Yeah, actually no, no, why would you want that that's what he does But but no, I just hate that feeling of being them being embarrassed and you're the one that saw it. It's so awkward Jesus. Oh mate. What do you even do like what? No, no, I'm actually walking in on your mother in law you're fine. Oh shit That's not good Like the next time you said it dinner like for the rest of your life That's okay, you know, we both know even if you like see it for a second that image never leaves your mind When you're not meant to see that image will stay there forever You have to just go over new donsen with them and like a week straight and just to get just to get it really normal You know, all right the next ones from Scotty Hey boys, I a bit of a miss happened a wedding that I m to say last year

20:50Key contacts not only was it my first ever mc gig was the first wedding out over attended Um, it was on a farm that everyone was camping in tents or sleeping in the backs of cars Um Understandably I was shitting myself going into the speaking role and I was so stoked for it to be over that I Accidentally annihilated couple too many home brew margaritas um Following that I'm uh woken up in the morning in the attempt that I'm not familiar with in a bed that I'm not familiar with and uh I was really cold and I was really wet and just could not work out why I was fully clothed Until I went outside and I was reliably informed by the owners and occupants of the tent that not only had I Pist all through the tent Including next to the other occupants heads and into a pot plant. I then got back into bed and kept pissing myself and fully clothed Needless to say it was a fucking noisy drive eight hour drive back home the next day Holy shit

21:52You pulled fast dude MC in a wedding would be Scary work. Oh no and because it's You don't enjoy anything until it's done. Yeah until it's done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm talking months out You're scared. This is a tell you it's like a far out. I hope no one asked me to be there MC. Oh no Oh god, and it will happen. It will happen like I mean I know of everyone we probably seem like the people that shoot MC are freaking wedding. Mm-hmm I talk about podcasts like yeah, no, but it is just so scary. I just want to I want it tend I want to have fun. I want to celebrate your love I don't want to talk that is hilarious and I can see I like when that is over there a leaf He would have been just like let's get maggot. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's pissing on people All right next ones from Ethan. He says jack speech at the wedding of him practical jokers. Oh Mate that was heavy. That yeah Oh my god, that was good. That was one of the first things we did It was the first it was the first punishment. It was the first punishment. Yeah, it was the first punishment

22:56We went in hard made it we and that's still one of the most talked about punishments It was so awkward and so much needy guys didn't like so much of the Everyone that watched the show didn't see yeah because I was out there for a good what 40 minutes probably and I only used we only used 15 minutes or something so Yeah, it was so bad. There was a moment where I turned around on the groomsman I was like drinking their skull and their beers and like they didn't know who I was I just thought I was some idiot. I was So many people you know, no, no, we're the bride and groom bride and groom no one else So I don't know. Everyone was like get him off. Yeah, it was it was so heavy like I was making just the worst jokes had them not the Mother-in-law was looking at me like she actually won't make kill her first person Like she was like I'm gonna. She was like I'm gonna murder you then that remember that I only try to get up and stop me and someone pulled her back Yeah, yeah, yeah, so brutal and then when you got off when you finish the speech You like rain into some backyard. I don't know I'm gonna go kitchen. Yeah, yeah, you like help me

23:59We could just hear him on the thing around help me help me So I won't could you get there alone in there and but there in a room like way away And I was like hell I was like I need help I need help hiding in a kitchen with the chef They're like what is this guy from the wedding doing you must be off his head And then it got even more awkward because our producer had to come out and tell everyone it was a joke But the microphone wasn't working. Oh, that's right. Oh, that was See all you all we had to walk out and try and tell them else a joke and everyone was like what's going on? This is our wedding stop Yeah, oh man. That was bad. That was so good. But in upright everyone in a loving it and we got photos with people in this one All right anonymous. I was at an Italian wedding and the photographer slept with the bride right before she got mad What the fuck no, that's so fucked up. No, that's fake. Is that fucking real? I hope that's fake Is that legit? I did try and get more information But they they have to stay anonymous. Oh, they couldn't give more details When did they find out about this what I've so many questions if you oh, can we get in time to review and you can

25:01Tell us about it, but you could put we can we can make your voice Like sound like not you. Yeah, yeah, we can There's a lot of movies. Yeah, yeah, but that's so sad of the drill. That is so shit Why don't you get fucking married her and him what idiot's like what the fuck Oh, no wedding day as if you do that as a photographer and it's obviously as a wife like that as a bride That is crazy. I've heard he's throws people like that if you're cheating. Oh my god. It's your wedding day I know she in general when you fucking wedding day what the fuck are you angry? I don't get that a That's psychotic you're actually psychotic if you don't 100% mean I don't know I didn't get it like did you want to waste all that money or like why is everyone even he Getting married you oh the via that's that's insane And that yeah, fuck it's bad from both parties there All right Ellen we got a little voice memory. I like things up over there. I'm so many questions. Hey. I'm angry. Say I'm like

26:03I said get it anyway Hello boys. I've got an unhinged wedding story for you I was at a wedding last year and we get to the speeches the father of the bride gets up and he's explaining Where his family's from and then he's talking about where the groom's families from and how It might be the same place and he says that the bride and groom should get Tested just to make sure that they're not related Um the whole room went silent and he said it another two times dude It was so awkward Everyone was cringing and I think it just proves that You should pre-read your wedding speech or get anyone else to have a look at it before you get up there And say that the bride and groom might be related That is oh Runing your daughters day You can't purchase don't give us today Was it grandpas or the pop or the parvin look

27:04Oh, that's why I was like it ruining you're like cursing your little daughters like that's not why really what I mean Some feeling and double down on the joke The key to over down on it. That's it. I mean like he must have been pretty sure Yeah, yeah, that he knew he knew he knew things this up. Yeah, like you don't just do that He knew this and I mean that happened like back in the day to my One of my cousins and this girl you know both of them Um they started dating and then everyone started saying you guys are related Oh, but they're not but everyone's like started spreading the rumors. They just broke up. Oh, that's heavy So heavy because they actually read a good relationship. They just broke out. They'll let not It's too weird now. Yeah, oh that's heavy So brutal what oh kind of young probably 18 But like still that could have been here could have been but they were maybe cousins All right, and they got a vice memo Okay, boys So this crazy wedding story comes from my wedding

28:06But it gets progressively worse at every turn So we were 45 minutes late to our own welcome dinner. No biggie Just everyone was sitting there hungry waiting for us We had a saxophone player who then pulled out and we ended up with someone who basically had like the equivalent skill of I would say a seven-year-old playing the recorder Um the father of the bride and the groom went to get fans on the morning and we're gone For hours with no reception like we thought they were dead And of course it was hot as fuck and shokoro one of the fans that they went to get didn't actually work Um my cousin's nan who was a bridesmaid ended up being rushed to hospital back home So That's how the family was stressed out is because it was a destination wedding Holy Then my grandmother who wasn't coming to the wedding anyway because she was 90 was in the hospital the week of the wedding So the doctors were discussing that she was potentially gonna die But she survived because she used the goat and then she was just just charged two days before the wedding Love that for her and for us

29:06Um, we booked a Mercedes van for the grooms and the groomsman, but she no one turned up guys A great wall van with white fluffy seat covers And the boys had black suits So the van went on to have a small prank with the guest in the car park of our wedding and the van driver lost her shit and kicked the groom and the groomsman out of the van Into the sweltering heat while they were supposed to be wedding in the van until go time so they're Sweating their asses off and then their suits are also covered in white fluff from the van seats um Then The grooms cousin's husband didn't make it to the wedding um because he got on Kedameen the night before and proceeded to shit himself in public And he disguised it as through poisoning And then found out the following day that my grandmother was rushed back to hospital the day before the wedding And that was kept a secret so it would not ruin our day She's still alive by the way again. She's the goat Um, and then the best man he broke his hand on the day of the wedding because he caught a random family member

30:08Doing some very dodgy stuff that is perhaps a little bit too Red hot and legal for the podcast um anyway, so my god mean that I have the most Happy and blessed marriage because of my most cursed wedding. I do not know what will love your boys on the pod Dude, I just you just know point get married I don't even know what to say. I would at that point you don't you just call it quits Someone's not working out. He like they'd read like gods trying airing it can to not let us be together But maybe a thousand negatives equal a plus You know what I mean like wait. No, I don't know you mean two two negatives equal a plus right Is that too wrong? Zecalor right Oh, is that what they say Lulu's just black back me up two negative equal a right. Don't they two negative equals or wrong? Two plus two wrong. I think the famous saying is two minus is equal plus two wrongs Don't equal right like the The famous saying is that's not that's not a good thing I don't know what I'm asking you dude, but there is a there is something here where oh

31:12Oh, in math in life, I'm smarter than you Lulu take that Yeah, I dropped maths in your turn that's like two negatives in math Echlor right. Well, there's okay Where was a thousand thousand? It's like fuck your own. Okay, you're cooking. It's like a tsunami. Yeah, right But that's the now you sing is the One of these best men obviously breaking his hand on someone because I must have been doing some illegal Well, did he know there's a fight like yeah, definitely a fight And that's rough that poor bride. Why why do we take a film career out there? That that star show that is that he's unbelievable. Well, it sounds like they're still Kicking I needed we needed to investigate this family like who are they they run bike? He gangs of what like there's something on Are they I was picturing Griffith Griffith Like something out there same. Yeah, somewhere. I'm thinking bits. It's still like It's rural, but it's still suburban if you're waiting was to have a mistake

32:12I don't what are you gonna be? What I don't know you I can't think like I mean, I'm probably gonna get married in Greece I think so nothing to go wrong there So maybe like the The boats won't turn maybe this spiritual fuck up. Maybe that's what I'd be They're just shooting yourself Anyway, I don't know what we're talking about this. Hey, no, no, no, you know what would go wrong for me. I'd try and like I would be like oh you'd say some speech that goes too far Yeah, I'd get to piss and start business chatting like my father-in-law or some shit Yeah, and you just sue me or I'd try and like do a weird like piggyback thing or dance or saying in the moment and just not be thinking straight and just Drop it. Yeah, she'd go straight over What about you so you're getting you're getting married soon, right? No, but this year No, no, no, I'm not playing jazz. Didn't you say we just might have spoiled them for me when you know day Would you tell me you begin married if I'm gonna propose yeah, yeah for sure. Would you? Yeah, good?

33:12Would you yeah, of course? Yeah, but like great didn't tell me. I know. I know. No I know that I'd tell my friends. I'd tell yeah fucking hell. I tell a few of my mates for sure. Yeah, I play tell all my close mates It's so heavy because if you don't tell someone it's like why you why I close enough. Yeah, yeah, it's great That's how I feel but green only told me cuz like he was trying to help with the ring. Why do you want to shoot? He knows I'm at all our mates. I'd probably know more about that stuff than anyone so I'm I don't know for some reason Why do you know about that? Oh, I just feel like I've got to go fucking you must think I've got where good clothes Have a good sense of style something. Oh, he knows you're being looking yourself. Oh my god. Are you getting married? I'll let you know. Will you let everyone else know on the podcast? When it happens soon before or not. No, because then Sarah can play find out. Oh, we talking about this. We're in the 31 How long do you think you need to be with someone to propose? How many years?

34:12Three I think three three I'd say you don't really know someone Within the first two years three years is November for me in Sarah Three years together this year. Yeah, oh, yeah, so far so that's not far from you and Eden I don't yeah, I don't think there's I don't think it matters. I mean, yeah, there's no I don't think there's a time where it matters after but I think the minimum time would be two years minimum Because I know people get married before that and they live happily ever after but I think it's kind of rare I don't think you know someone properly that actually deep down Know every bit of their values and everything about them Within two years and you really need to get over the family everything the honeymoon stage you didn't really need to like Know what it's like to live in a time where it's not always exciting and you do go through lulls of Peers alive where you some of mine might not be stoked and you need to go through all different types of ways of living and life together before You're gonna do it forever. Yeah

35:14But it's coming up. No, it's not coming up. It is coming up for the fair. You three years coming up You're going over to you mark say hey Get that little wobbly knees. I sorted strap that thing in What time is it again? Oh Dm Well Sounded good in the headphone. I don't know what that sounds like in yours. No, but um, but I'll take it Timmy hey fellas love the pot. Demay. Demay remember. They say I fucking sorry. Keep going Hey fellas love the pot just a quick one. I'm 20 and still a virgin. Fuck me. This is cringe to write. Why are you laughing? I'm using our laughing. That's not funny at all. No, it's not sweet anyway

36:14What's some advice to get over the hump plus why did you boy decided to not name the app dedicated to etc Holy crap. My man my man Timmy. Look how is he how is he getting it done as someone say How's he in and also nothing to be worried about 20 young nice and who cares? Fuck it But it's so scary what scary when you get older It just puts my more pressure and pressure on you, but Timmy. It's fine. It's actually really respectful I'm still a virgin at 20 fuck me. This is cringe to write. Oh, that's so good We got you we got you Timmy you get you get rewarded for putting yourself out there And I'll tell you why there might be something good coming you away after you wrote that because that is yeah exactly It's you know you being brave you put yourself out into the universe. I think I it's really hard It depends where your confidence is at because you need to talk to You know It's hard with the confidence thing. Well, I mean The I don't know. I don't really know the tips because I did it in a way of just like

37:18I'm not gonna go any way into that Don't do it. No, I'm too scared. There's too many kids will please out there right? No, but like when you're young You just want it to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. You just want to do it so you don't you can say you're not a virgin So I don't think that's a good way to do it. No, because it's not that great. Yeah, yeah exactly find that meaningful one And you know, it's no rush. There's no rush to it honestly. It could be kind of like a if you get a flat It's like oh my god. He's a virgin like your pure to flex. You're a breed There's not many of you out there anymore like it's like at the bar They'd be like do you have you seen the pure breed like walk through like yeah, yeah, he's like a horse Yeah, big stallion The Stanley Timmy packs Forget Megan this down is Timmy to stalling polish shit. Yeah, it's like it's like someone without tattoos It's like where yeah, yeah, your clean skin and also the hope that helps I don't know what wood but hope that helps but also the reason we don't Do the episode's dedicated to is because We thought it's time for a change as well like it's just like

38:20I kind of regret doing that you reckon I like the dedicated to same But you know, you like you can't you gotta evolve you're a vote you're a you gotta do you gotta adapt and innovate and And do what you feel right and sometimes you gotta make mistakes to know that mistakes Look maybe it was a mistake, but baby wasn't I don't know the reason we don't do dedicated to anymore the truth is it had It felt like it had juju about us feeling like another two-year break We're like we can't have that lingering on us So we had to change a few things up push past it push through that juju, you know Also, we had a lot of we we have gotten and still do get a lot of damn's about the music change in the episode guys It was in our choice. Yeah, we had the licensing thing. It's bloody boring legal chat, but we couldn't yeah, so Hey, I don't mind the new one. Hey, we get we knew we adapt we We innovate we say strong and we it's it's not that look. It's not that far off the original All right, anyway, moving on Ashley's got a little voice down here for us for some first aid advice

39:25Okay boys, I have a mental hook up story for you One time I was talking to this guy and finally one of it to his house which for starters He just sat there playing his PlayStation for two hours Which is fair, but then we go to his bedroom I have a good old time and this is where it gets weird He then says he's going to go get dinner and leaves me in his bed and goes to his car and drives off Didn't even ask if I wanted anything by the way He left me at his house for about an hour and it was so late I decided to just go to sleep. What I then wake up to him sitting with his legs crossed on the edge of the bed Staring at me with his bedroom light on I sat there in silence when he finally says I'm going to take you home now and didn't say one word in the car taking me home Then once we get to my house He said he wanted to see me again the next day. Is this strange or normal? What the fuck Fuck it, hell That's fucking freaky I've even waken up to someone crossing their legs on the bed looking at you Fuck that's a dexter that's

40:26Weird that's so That's red flag I reckon red mate that's that's black yeah On the fucking color spectrum for an hour Fuck that shit that's weird. Wait. I'm fully she say he She woke up to him having his legs crossed on the bed looking at her. Yeah, we have a light. He's bed like Pointed at her dude and then he took her home in the middle of the night. What's This guy's a freak thought it's okay. Don't just say freaking the sheets. Yeah, what's the go? I love you in these three days because it's just baffling these people that Yeah, that right out there in the wild. Oh, yeah doing these things out there all right. Yeah, that's just like mind blowing Yeah, I feel sorry for Ashley. Maybe you're right Yeah, I would know I'm back there. Okay Sarah in capitals Why is Jack barefoot every app Hate the side of jack wiggling his toes every app on YouTube put some fucking shoes on brother Go to the shoe shop why

41:26Why he wiggle like that? Is this my my girlfriend my girlfriend's there's the same thing. She's like yuck. Why does jack jack always you do you like barefoot Got this like it's wrong with it and I'm barefoot today. I'm Australian What do you want me to do? Why I'm on the rug this rug is that's funny because I'm barefoot right It's that good. Falcon has dirty feet. Yeah, I'm actually got add fangs on to this app and yuck me I'm barefoot for a bit. We need to come on yours at that rank. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna be your big toe. That's weed It's that beat. Yeah, do you have a Loch Ness feet your feet are so odd there. Yeah, I'm feet shame But I'm sorry. No, no, no, go for it. Okay, bang for bang. Yeah, it's your bank for bang, but they shouldn't be out No, no, yeah, but okay. No, you know what my feet your feet are so more like to Fighting and softer like if you if we're if my feet were people yours like Voldemort. They're like white and like Vainey and just like real Yours have big just the worst hair on there. I can't get over it

42:27Like they're like friendly. They're like a fair baby Like I like a little like a little possum dude. They're here going Across all your toes is so gross. Yeah, I got a little hairy. Oh, the hobbit feet, but they're real sure They're like they're just no I get I'll shift my feet back. Thank you. What's that toe doing? Look at that thing man They're small little like what's that doing? That's underneath your other toe. It's underneath it. Yeah, yours are Lobsided as well. They want a perfect. Are you serious? One of perfect that looks like one of those Those fish that all like those ugly fish are like boo These grow per fish. No, man That thing that you're wedding ringer. You're wedding thing finger fucking toe has shit to say. Yeah Haha, it's like a club is it it's it looks like a dick a club. No, that ain't like a golf club See if you're face, I'm feeling look at that What are they? What is that okay? No, let me do the hair on him. Look at the hair on him. Look at that

43:27Like look at that. Let me do a tennis ball. Let me play some power one Yeah, that is we're never like that. These are mine. I've got a couple toes that are a bit long a couple toenails but my feed is so much healthier looking than those fucking things. Look at that. That was a very good up thing. It looks dead. Okay, we're going to take a photo of our feet and you guys can... I think because I'm giving Falcon so much shit, I'm going to lose, but I know if you guys were telling the truth, that Falcon's feed a mangal out. No, they're not good, but I just like look at those. No, you do what? You go with everything. About your feet, sorry. Your feet look like bricks, son. Anyway. Oh, I had something to say. What were we talking about? Your feet. Oh, my feet, yeah. What's wrong with it? Like, we're in Australia, like everyone should be barefoot all the time. It feels that good. I'm earthing myself. No, no things like that. Everyone's like cooped up inside on their phone and fucking just walking around. I'm just free. I'm free bird. Look at that. Get away. All right, give me some. I'm sorry for the people. It is a bit weird, is it? It is. I think it's a bit distracting.

44:28What? What's for who? Because you're wiggling and you're like clipping at your toenails and shit. When you're sitting on the chair. It helps me be the best version I can be in this podcast booth. Fuck. That helps me think. Fucking hell. Take it all you close off, then. We need to hear what? Take it all off. What's going on? Shit. My feet are really turning. I mean, if that makes you open and free and perform better, we need to more fucking layers off. That's weird. Okay. I'm going to give you some inspiration. Okay. This one. This is from my girlfriend Eden that her mum gave to her. Eden just mentioned me actually today, go on. Mum just sent me this big voice note. I know Eden's mum sends voice to us. She loves, loves the chat. She sends voice notes. They go for 17 minutes. I see. I'm not kidding. I was my mind. Eden has to go on a walk to listen to them like they're a podcast. Yeah, you get a walk to the other like to Queensland. Then she'll back it up for nine minute. Well, I've seen these.

45:29I've seen these. Like I'm not. It's so rich. I'm not that bad, but she's great. I couldn't imagine having to find the time to back her up. I really got to sit into this. Oh, Yiki. Yeah, you probably couldn't a lot of the time. I'm like, I can't even read a paragraph if you're getting annoyed. So she said, Mum just sent me this big voice note and I got two quotes from it, love heart. First one, I'm going to give you one. Your energy introduces you before you speak. Oh, that's cool. So cool. So true. That's cool. That took me. I had to think about that for a second, but that's really good. Your energy introduces you before you speak. Yeah. So when you walk into a room, you know, how are you presenting? So true. And that's you literally give off a vibe before you speak. I want to do that better. Be a bit more like vibrant energy, you know? Yeah, that's good. That's great. It's so true. It's like people do read a big book by its cover. People read you in the first three seconds. Yeah. And it's just, it's way to make other people feel comfortable.

46:33Like if someone's walking in and you know, you closed up and you're not smiling and I think it just brings a whole vibe to the room that's like, it's not that fun or not that. Oh my god. Body imaging. I already knew I was about to say this. Like, could you just shut your arms? Like, body, I've been thinking about this heaps like this for some reason. Like every time I'm standing in a group and you're talking with people or whatever, body imaging, like body, body mirroring. Sorry. Like you just then just shut your arms and then I shut my arms. And if someone touches like you, you notice that like when, if you're talking to someone just like, Jachi was just upstairs and before and he's talking and then then he started it and he's face and I started to my face. And so you become like, and you never want to really shut your arms because that shows you closed up. Close up. And you're like, you're shrinking, you know? But it's hard. Sometimes just come to a lot of shut your arms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I hear these things and I'm like, mate, just let me be. Sometimes I'm in, they say I'm at a meeting or whatever and I close my arms and then I realize that. I know. And then I'm thinking about it.

47:33It's like social anxiety. Like, oh shit, like, am I closed off as a person right now? Yeah. It's heavy. And then you're like, I'll just stand in my arms. Can I just say how weird it is to feel your arms way side doing nothing? Yeah. Who does that? And what if I'm just psychotic? And what about when you start thinking about eye contact and then get so awkward? Oh my god. Am I staring too hard at them now? But then if I don't stare and where do I look? Now I'm freaking out. Looking at you. Are we my looking to? No, you know what it is. We like contact. I think it's, you should look, so if you're talking like me right now, I just think just then because that's something that I'm stupid. I just think about what I was about to say, which means I naturally have to look away. Yeah. But you as a listener, it's fine for you to stare at me because you're listening. But if the talker just eyeballs you when they're thinking and talking, mate. That's scary. Don't get checked. That's psychotic. Because you got some shit going on because that's not normal. And then there's just a stare off nearly. Yeah, it's weird. When you're thinking about talking and things you need to talk about, you have to go into another place.

48:33Don't you reckon? Mm-hmm. I'm not. I've kept eye contact with you the whole way. Yeah, good on you. All right. I got another quote, but I will leave it for next. Leave it. Give it a next set. Thanks guys. Appreciate it. I'm also, yeah, for these stories that we read out and people send in is if you're wondering where to find the place to send them to us, it's on our Instagram link, Instagram link from the podcast, Instagram and it's all set up there for you. It's also, we are here. We do like for you. We're also on YouTube if you want to watch the episodes. My beautiful feet. But, um, foot off. We had a foot off. Yeah. Right, the podcast too. That would really help us. That means a lot. Thank you.