Finding Balance and Fulfillment with Esin Pinarli

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1:04And during Toyota's easy choice sales event, going electric is easier than ever. Right now, save instantly on a new Toyota EV with special incentive programs for first time EV buyers and prior EV owners. Choose the sleek BZ, the adventurous BZ-Widland, or the Sporty CHR. But don't wait, these special savings won't last. We make it easy. Toyota, let's go places. Welcome to the Trauma Thippers podcast. My name is Giaming Furson. I interview incredible people who dedicated their lives to helping those who've been impacted by Trauma. Big thank you to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting this show. Five, four, three, two, and one. Our folks welcome back to the podcast. Very excited to have us on my guest today, Essin Panarli. Essin, welcome. Hi, Guy. Thank you for having me on. You are welcome. Essin is a licensed professional counselor and the founder of Eternal Wellness Counseling, where she specializes in helping individuals heal from trauma, anxiety, depression, and

2:08relationship challenges. Drone from both clinical experience and holistic perspective. She integrates evidence-based therapy with mindfulness and wellness-oriented approaches to support emotional healing and personal growth. She's passionate about creating a compassionate, culturally sensitive environment where clients feel safe exploring their experiences and reconnecting with themselves. Through her work, she helps clients build resilience, strength relationships, and move toward a greater sense of balance and fulfillment. All right, Essin, just a little bit about you. Before we get going, show her the listeners where you're from originally and where you are currently. Sure. I'm originally from New York, from Long Island, and I've been living in Florida for, I would say, I'm going on 17 years now. My family always had a place in Naples, Florida, so we'd always go back and forth. And so I moved here about 17 years ago, and I haven't looked back, and everybody's sort of retired and moved over here on this side.

3:08So let's start here. What, how did you get into this field? I would say, in college, I was taking some electives in psychology, and I was always very, very curious about people and about how other, I always wondered what it would be like to be in other people's brains, and did everybody think the same way that I thought. And what do they think, and why do they, and so I'm a very, I was an avid book reader since I was a young girl, and so I would sort of really be interested in other people's into the interiority of their lives, and like why they are the way they are, what makes them, who they are. And so when I took an elective in college, in psychology, I was so drawn to just all of it. It was an automatic, you know, interest for me to understand. So it was almost like it was merging people's stories and people's psychology with sort

4:13of all of the stories that I had been reading my whole life about characters and protagonists and rich development of people's internal worlds and understanding that, and also my own struggles with anxiety. I think from a young age, I was a very sort of pecosious child, very aware of everything around me and felt so very deeply, and I think it was also an attempt to figure out my own brain and how it operated. When you were younger, how did the anxiety play out and how to show up? Well, I didn't really know it was anxiety. I knew that I thought a lot, and I knew that, you know, what I would call now racing thoughts when I was younger, I would say that I remember even at 12 years old sitting down and sort of thinking, does everybody think like this? Because this is exhausting. And so I remember just that this moment of sitting down and being like, does everybody

5:16think like this? Because this is exhausting. I would be very obsessive, and it was sort of what made me successful at the same time, like very good at sports, very good at dancing, very good at academics, but also I would worry a lot, and I would ruminate, and I would go over things over and over again. And I think it was, you know, there was tension in my household. My parents fought a lot. They're wonderful people still married, but I would pick up on that tension, and I felt very responsible to keep these adults together. Yeah. Yeah. Next slide says to me. I think it was a lot of worrying about what would have, I was for some reason. I had this, I knew a lot of people, a lot of my friends who were divorced parents, and I don't know why, but I had this idea, like I'm never, that would be my emotional security, taken away from me. And so I think I sort of became their therapist at like seven years old.

6:16Well, so you get into college, you take some courses, some like was on, what happens, how does that unfold? I start becoming more and more interested in that. I start taking more and more psychology classes. At that point, I'm away from my family, who I'm very close with for the first time, and my anxiety starts to spike even more. And I get my first panic attack, which I had no idea what it was. I was in a dorm room, I felt like the walls were closing, and on me, it was my soft more a year. I had no idea, I thought I was going crazy, because you don't know what that is. And I'm going to age myself here, but it wasn't as mainstream as we talk about mental health today. And so there was this infomercial called attacking anxiety by Lucinda Bassett.

7:16And I somehow rolled over onto the bed and hit the remote, and the TV turned on, and attacking anxiety by Lucinda Bassett, infomercial came on. Well. In that moment of experiencing what was the scariest thing I had ever experienced, I had no name for it. And I'm like, that's me. Oh my God, yes, that's what I, that's, you know, and I remember calling my mom and explaining it to her, and she goes, yeah, your dad struggles with that for a year, has struggled with that for a year. I go, well, that would have been good information for me to know. And I was at a predisposite, and over here, you know, and, you know, and that was like my, and then, and then I started drinking. I found drinking over there, and I was like, ooh, this quiet's my mind. This takes off the edge. This comes my nervous system down. Now I can, I don't have to feel so worried or, and then I don't have to get scared of

8:17getting another one of those scary panic attacks, right? And so the drinking escalated, you know, and was doing the sort of right of passage drinking in a sorority in college, while also taking these psychology classes and becoming more and more knowledgeable about understanding exactly what I was dealing with. And, and, and that became sort of my medicine and sort of the solution or the antidote or the serum to quiet, to quiet that mind down. So any thoughts at that point, like of getting help, seeing a therapist or anything like that? I did. I went over there. I saw a therapist. I ended up, they ended up putting me on a anti-anxiety med. I think it was paxil at the time. And so I went on that, but I continued drinking. So that kind of helped a little bit, but I also, now I'm now drinking on an antidepressant, right? And so, but I'm drinking like everybody else is kind of drinking.

9:20I'm going to the frapp parties in this nap, but there was somewhere along the way where I was like, I don't think I drink like other people. I think you're thinking more. I was just different in terms of it felt like I, not necessarily, it was, I, it would be a jekylline hide. It would start to become like a jekylline hide. Like I would be very, very different. Like it, it crossed this barrier of like fun. It became like, you know, it was self-medicating really. As opposed to, yes, I was having fun and partying and hanging out with my friends, but it was a, it became, it was a maladaptive coping mechanism. Right. Right. Right. It's not just electric. It's Toyota Electric. And during Toyota's easy-to-choice sales event, going electric is easier than ever. Right now, save instantly on a new Toyota EV with special incentive programs for first-time EV buyers and prior EV owners. Choose the sleek, busy, the adventurous, busy, woodland, or the sporty CHR.

10:24But don't wait. These special savings won't last. We make it easy. Toyota, let's go places. Kitchen and bathroom professionals know what goes behind the tile matters. That's why trade pros trust Fiber cement, party backer board to keep tile firmly in place, resist cracking, and help block moisture. Chosen in over 40 million kitchens and bathrooms, party backer board, what the best build on. Shop now at participating Home Depot, Lowe's, and Florida core stores. For more information, visit jameshardy.com slashhardybacker. So, what happens? It starts to progress. The anxiety starts to get a little worse. The drinking becomes more. The grades start going down and I decide I need to go home and transfer and go to, you know, be with my family and really kind of get this thing under control until I get, like it might get a little bit bigger.

11:25And so I transfer to a college at home and continue with a psychology major, a doubles. Because remember, I love stories. So English literature and psychology double major. And then I'm in a sorority over there at home, you know, and I become social chair and, you know, I'm in charge of throwing all the parties and then, you know, I mean, so it continued over there. And then so there was just a progression. There was a major progression that slowly started developing. So here I am getting more and more knowledge, understanding it more, and then the drinking is progressing. But I'm not that kind of drinker that wakes up in the morning and starts drinking. I'm that wind warrior or the one that goes to the parties and drinks. So functioning like a function, almost like a functioning alcoholic. And all the while realizing that, or is it kind of quelling your anxiety? It's quelling it until it's not, right?

12:27It's our return on you at a certain point. And so I'm having more and more consequences, right? I am doing stuff that I'm really embarrassed about. I start blacking out. I start not remembering the things from the night before my friends telling me and everybody talking it up to us, college, this is what we do. And I'm kind of like, it was the psychology classes. I'm like, no, I think this is a little different than, and then it's just progressing. And then I end up in my master's degree. And I end up being put in field placements, right? So I end up in a high school in one of my field places, which was one of my most favorite being a school psychologist. And here I am, counseling these kids hung over coming on a Monday morning, because remember I'm that weekend warrior. And I'm feeling like a hypocrite, because there's some sort of internal, there's a knowing, an internal knowing. I'm sending some of these kids to rehab.

13:27Right. I'm sending, and I'm recognizing that it's turning on me. But it was once a solvent and an antidote to the anxiety is actually now exacerbating the anxiety. Okay, so what happens? What happens? I mean, it goes on and on, and you know, it just progressively becomes worse. And I lose friends because of it. My world becomes smaller and smaller. The people that drink are like, I don't think you should drink. My best friend starts videotaping me so that I could see my behavior. Wow. And I don't even want to watch it. Everyone is at this point. The people that love me and care about me are like, you need to do something, you know? And I am scared, right? I'm like, now I'm starting to hide alcohol in my room so that, because so no one will bother me or say anything to me about it.

14:28So then I'm now I'm drinking alone in my room. And so it progresses to the point where I'm still functioning, but I'm blacking out, I'm having consequences. And I, you know, we talk about when is that moment where you know you're done or when do you stop? Or, you know, so it continues to progress. There's no particular moment. There's a series of events or a series of experiences. And a series of consequences and just getting to a point where I felt emotionally broken. I felt emotionally like I can't continue like this, but I don't know how to live without it. What do I do? And so I decide to go to this family therapist that is like a specialist in this and I start talking to him about it and he suggests a place called Sierra Tucson in Arizona. And he says, you know, he has this client that has had trouble with the alcohol and gone

15:33to all these different places. Betty Ford, Hazelton, and he's had the most success going to this place. No, let me for a second. Yeah, of course. Are you working at this time? I'm doing my, I'm, I'm actually, yeah, I'm working for free, right? Okay. I'm working in the, oh, no, no, I am actually. So I'm doing my master's degree. I'm working in a high school in one year. And then the second year, I'm doing home visits to the elderly in their homes for therapy. So like still getting your hours and I'm still getting all my hours. I'm doing my field placement. But, but I'm withdrawing from classes. I'm getting in completes. I almost got kicked out of my masters. I had to go and appeal to the board and get reinstated. My grades are dropping and I get back in. So what would have taken me, you know, a four year bachelor's and a two to three, three

16:34year masters took me like seven, eight years, maybe nine. I should have had a PhD. I never gave up. I've always had this like resilient bone in me that was always like you fall down, you get back up, you fall down, you get back up, you fall dead. That's sort of in my intrinsic nature. And so I end up, I'm also working in a woman's clothing store at that time with the in town. I'm very good at like fashion has always been my passion. And so I end up working in a woman's clothing store in town and I'm doing that while I'm doing my master's degree. And then just like functioning, but really not. Right. Okay. So do you go to the end of going to see her Tucson? I do. So so the story and a long story short, my sister, my younger sister ends up getting married in Saint Martin. So we planned this whole wedding. We rent out this whole place and that was going to be my last hurrah like the last place

17:37I drank. So I had finished my master's degree. I was done with my degree by the grace of God or however, I don't know. And we do the wet, we, you know, do the wedding and that whole thing happens. And I'm like trying to control my drinking and me as a scholar, I buy an inside look at inpatient inpatient treatment book. And I'm reading that on my trip. That's my reading on the trip. What is it going to be like a look at inside inpatient treatment? Because I want to know, right? So here I am drinking mimosas in the morning, reading a look at inside inpatient treatment. Oh, boy. Because I know I'm going to go after, right? I know I'm going to, I finished my masters. I'm going to, this is my last hurrah. My sister's wedding in Saint Martin for the week. And then after that, I'm going to go to Arizona to see her Tucson. And I do in fact go and my parents come there with me. We stay in a hotel for a couple of days. They get very worried about leaving me and we sort of settle in and I check in and it

18:41was so uncomfortable, but it was the best experience, one of the best experiences of my life. I still have one girl who I'm still best friends with that I met over there. Well. And that's not it. Okay. Yeah, keep going. So when I go there, I have amazing experiences. I experience, you know, I'm now a therapist and I have my master's degree and I experience EMDR. I'm a moment desensitization reprocessing. I experience somatic experiencing over there. I do biofeedback over there. I do equine therapy. So all of these modalities, rakey, get me like really interested in like for my own self, what's helpful to me so that when I go into my career, what would be helpful to other people. So I'm sort of learning on both ends, right? How I'm going to help other people. And so that can add to my chaos, I can create beauty.

19:42And so I end up after that, they recommend more treatment. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm good. I'm done. I did my 30 days. I did my time, but that's clearly not enough, right? I go back home to New York and assume I'm just going to hang out like I normally do. I'm just not going to drink. Well, you go out one night, you go out another night, you become the designated driver. And then one night I had a couple of sips of someone's drink. And they look at me and they go, didn't you just go get help? I'm like, yeah, you're right. So I like slipped. And one of the recommendations was that I do a halfway house. I'm like, you know, and my idea of halfway houses are like in the, you know, I'm like, no, that's not. I'm like, you're a crack house. You're like a crack house. I'm like, I'm not doing that. Like, you know, and it's in Florida. So I'm going to leave all my friends and family and go for a minimum of three months to Florida and do this halfway house. And I remember my primary therapist was English. She's like, oh, no, honey, this is just the beginning.

20:43This is the beginning of your journey. And I go, oh, no, no, no, no, no, I did my time. So I reluctantly realize I do need more help. And there's this place called the sanctuary and it out, um, not Elton John, Eric Clapton. So Eric Clapton has a treatment center called Crossroads in Antigua. And he has the subsidiary. He has two halfway transitional homes. They're called transitional homes in Florida. They're the nicest ones here. Phenomenal staff, amazing, small. There's a woman's and amends, and I end up in the woman's and I end up in their four and a half months best time ever. Learn how to live sober, get a sponsor, build a life, do yoga teacher training. And here I am, you know, August 1st is 17 years sober for me. Wow, damn, that's in my god. Crazy. Yeah. Wow, thank you so much for sharing that. Of course, and I don't usually like, you know, a lot of times I go on and I won't necessarily

21:47share sort of my story. I'm not opposed to it. I'm very like sort of an open book. And yeah, I mean, it was, I did the yoga teacher training because I was like, it will keep me committed to stay down here another year. And it will and I built a community. I made friends. I knew not one person down here. My hands are shaking. I'm anxious. I'm coming off of, you know, you know, I used to also self-medicate with Zanax for my nerves because the alcohol would get bad. So I'm like, I feel so raw. I'm learning how to socialize again. I'm learning how to make friends sober again. I'm building a community. I do the yoga teacher training. I get another job in a clothing boutique because everybody says, don't get into your career yet. Focus on your sobriety and that it always been Mike, Mike thing. I was always very good at that. And then I start to work as a therapist and then I start to train in all the modalities

22:48that I learned in CR2, SON that resonated with me. And then I feel like that is what made me a better therapist. So I become also a certified addiction professional besides a licensed clinical psychotherapist. And so now I serve this population of a variety of people and I understand all of this. And then I keep training and doing my own work and just become super immersed and passionate about it. And then therapeutic disclosure, only when I feel it's appropriate, right? Sure. Sure. But it just, you know, you feel, I feel listening to you. Obviously how much passion you have for the work and how your experience just informs the work you're doing. You know, so let me just remind everyone. I was speaking with Essin Panarly.

23:50She is the founder of Eternal Wellness Counseling. So when you started this, when you started working, was your idea to work with people who had addiction issues or what? It wasn't that wasn't my initial goal, but it ended up being a sort of natural evolution and transition into that. So my first job was a primary therapist in a treatment center that was dual diagnosis where I was treating both. But as I worked in, so I worked in, inpatient. I worked in detox and I kept getting moved up. I became my clinical director and then I became like, I was lead therapist, clinical director and I worked in an intensive outpatient. And then at that point, I was continuing to train. So I trained in brain spotting. I got certified in, in, in, um, amago couples. I did a lot of couples work. Remember, I was my parents therapist at seven. So, you know, that came very, very naturally to me.

24:50I was, you know, a couple of couples, family systems. I was very good at family systems and understanding the dynamics and, and then the addiction, uh, for sure, but I think that there was an evolution of me as where I out grew. I felt that I could serve a larger population because here I am trained. I'm also, you know, I'm trauma trained. I'm couples therapy trained, you know, somatic. I did a somatic training. I, um, polyvagal training, psychodrama. I went to onsite and I went to onsite in Nashville multiple times and trained over there and, um, you know, just very, very interested in learning and so my goal. Kitchen and bathroom professionals know what goes behind the tile matters. That's why trade pros trust Fiber cement, party backer board to keep tile firmly in place, resist cracking and help block moisture. Chosen in over 40 million kitchens and bathrooms, party backer board, what the best build on.

25:53Shop now at participating home depot, lows and floor into core stores. For more information, visit jameshardy.com slash hardy backer. Full was, I felt at some point that these there, that these treatment centers were like, I wasn't touching the pain. They were coming in and out like the 30 days of the set. So I felt like we were just getting, I was just getting to open them up and then like, I was like, I'm not best served here or am I not, I'm not serving people the best. So I ended up opening up my own private practice and coaching company at that point and then I would do consulting jobs where I would run groups in treatment centers, but my groups would be very different. They wouldn't just be 12 step AA. So people were very interested in them. It was offering them different things because of all the pain. Hang on a second. When you said they weren't touching the pain. Same more about that. It felt like they come in, if it's for 30 days, we're, I'm diagnosing, I'm recognizing

26:55that they have anxiety, depression, bipolar one, bipolar two, trauma and I'm touching on it and then they're doing groups and then they leave. And so I feel like I'm opening them up and they're building this rapport with me and I'm really kind of getting somewhere and then they leave. And I feel like it become, I get a little bit of a factory vibe. I'm getting this factory vibe where my, it's not aligning with my soul and it's not aligning with, with what I know I'm capable of helping somebody with and guiding them and illuminating the path and collaborating with them. So I then feel like it's just, they just keep coming in and out like 30 days and then a new group and then a new group, you know, and some places now only, they only do 90 days which I love. And I, with that knowledge that they weren't touching the pain, what are you doing differently

27:58to work you're doing now? So I'm getting underneath, I'm getting underneath why did you, if, you know, the population that I have that, you know, we all medicate with something, right? We all use, those things are our solution, our antidote to the pain, to the internal disease, right? Is it workaholism? Is it eating? Is it a drug? Is it a drink? Is it, you know, even being addicted to it? Be addicted to people or a person, right? Trauma bonds, you know, codependency, is it being addicted to a relational dynamic? Is it all these type of things? And so it's a more a very person centered and very holistic in mind, body, soul. And what is it that you need to feel good? How do you feel the most liberated and alive?

28:59And what is holding you back? What is a recurring pattern for you? And what is that internal pain that we can untangle together? And then these things are protectors, these are all protectors to protect you from feeling what is so uncomfortable. So we need to get down to the root of that. So I work very closely, you know, I believe in Western and Eastern, I work with acupuncturists, I refer to, I work with raky people, I refer to, I work with a psychiatrist that I really like. I think it's a unique blend. So I help people holistically understand individually what they need to feel the best and what is holding them back from feeling the most alive best version of themselves, not bogged down or crippled or disabled or limited by whether it's anxiety, exhaustion, depression, whatever it is, let's get down to the root of it.

30:00I've had people come in and I'm like, you've been misdiagnosed. I think that you're bipolar too. And I think you've been on the wrong medication and that's why you haven't gotten better. And I talked to the psychiatrist and sure enough, they were misdiagnosed. So it changes the course of their trajectory of their own healing. Well, do you feel or how do you feel your experience with drinking and getting help and getting and working through the healing journey? How do you feel that's impacted and influence the work you're doing? I think it, I think there's one thing to learn things from a textbook and one thing, one thing to learn things by training and becoming competent in your field. And there's another thing in experiencing the pain and going through it and understanding it and understanding the mechanics of it. I think it gives me more empathy.

31:02It gives me the ability to connect and relate. It gives me, I think, more authenticity. I think it's something people feel from me. I think it's that they, I actually really care. You know, I want to help and I understand and I think they feel understood and I think the huge vehicle for transformation is to feel seen and understood by somebody I don't ever put myself in a hierarchical position. I'm a human, right? At the end of the day, this is a sacred relationship. I feel honor. They're inviting me into the interior of their lives. Not whatever I can do to illuminate the path and I think it's made me a better therapist. It's made me more empathetic. It's made me more able to connect to people of all walks of life, all different issues or whatnot and really understand and see somebody and be with them in that. And I think that there's a relate, relate ability that people can feel like, oh, okay,

32:06you know, and it's, I think it's the one field for me. Like I don't think that you go to a heart surgeon and you're like, I need to know that you've successfully performed heart surgery on yourself in order for me to trust that you can do well. But I think that there is a kinship or like, okay, this person really kind of gets it. They've also and it's also helpful that not only do they get it, but they've gone to the other side of their trauma, of their own anxiety, of their own depression, of their own addiction. And here they are, you know, like maybe, you know, and I would say like, I feel like I throw, I'm thriving. I feel like I, I'm, you know, not 24, seven, nobody, nobody comes out. Nobody comes out. We all experience loss, disappointment, sadness, life transitions, but the fact that I can understand that and really be with that person and know that the relationship is a vehicle for transformation.

33:07And I'm able to offer that. I think, I think I have this real, real, you can't fake it like empathy that I, I can really kind of really feel into that and really understand it. And it's like something that gets translated that I think that my clients really feel. I love it. I love it. Oh my God. S and you're amazing. How do people in more, how do people learn more about you? So I have a website, my website is eternal wellness counseling.com. And then I have a, a lot of freebies and it's, I would call it my love letter to people, my social media, my Instagram. It's Essen Pinarley underscore, like a line underneath LCSW. Okay. And so, and that has like, you know, a lot of information on there for people.

34:08There's a lot of, there's an inner child. I do a lot of inner child work, inner child free guide on there. There is becoming aware of self. I do a lot of IFS. I have articles, things like that. You know, for people who maybe can't afford therapy or, you know, just need some information. I offer a lot of free resources on there as well. Awesome. Okay. We'll have all that linked up here at the show notes page at the trauma therapist podcast.com. Essen, you know, the reason why I said you're amazing is because you, you just exude this authenticity, you know, and I really appreciate you sharing your story. And that's how we connect with you. That's how listeners connect with you. You know, it's, it's amazing. You're, you're super inspiring. Thank you so much for being here. Really. Thank you so much for having me. I, that that's always been my goal is like, I think people are, we're human to human, you know, and it's like, yes, I'm ethically trained. Yes, I have all of this stuff, but I'm not going to be a blank slate therapist.

35:11It's, it's the, it's the humanity in us that connects us. Right. I love it. I love it. Thanks so much. Take care. Thank you so much. Bye.