EXPAT FILES SHOW #1499, FRI, MAR 20 (03-20-26):

0:00I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the X-Bad Files, living in Latin America. The show that tells you just what it's like to live, work, play and or retire down here in Latin America. It's a mix of the good, the bad, the ugly and the great, and it's all right here so let's get started. You know what we talk a lot about the Gringo Advantage on this show. And of course you'll find the farther you are off the Gringo Tourist Trail the more that advantage kicks in. Simply because when Gringo has become a rarity and almost no one speaks English, suddenly you become the favorite son or daughter. The guy you're galling in the neighborhood everyone wants to be friends with. Everyone wants to help out everyone wants to say hey, when I meet my Gringo buddy, this Sunday when we have that barbecue, let's invite the Gringo.

1:01Now you can't escape the fact that everyone's got ulterior motives and in the back of any Latinos mind, he or she's thinking maybe someday this Gringo could do something for me. I mean, Gringo's got the power in the world, right? Maybe he can help me get a visa to the United States or hire my kid to be his chauffeur or gardener. There's some possible advantages to knowing and being a friend with a Gringo. Yep, you heard me right. I said chauffeur. Man, how many people up in the States do you know have a personal chauffeur? Well, I know that down here in Latin America, a certain percentage of Gringo's just don't like to drive. And since a chauffeur full time chauffeur now on call 24 seven might cost you two or 300 bucks a month. In fact, in the building I'm doing this show from right now, they've got a covered protected parking lot on the first floor. There's a residential tower with about 25 units. I'd say there are about 35 or 40 assigned parking places on that first floor. And right now, I'm looking at a security camera that covers the whole parking lot.

2:04There's a white toilet, a four runner with the driver's door open with a 30 something guy in the driver's seat scrolling through his phone. He happens to be one of those full time drivers I was talking about a chauffeur. His boss, a Latino lawyer who lives in the building has him on call 24 seven and oftentimes you see him sleeping in his car, but he's not the only one. There's another car, a mini Cooper. Again, I'm looking at the camera now with his front door open guy sitting in the driver's seat. A thin guy is skinny. You know, you got to be thin to get into a mini Cooper. And you guess that he's a driver on call to and his boss is a Gringo X bat. Take this, a Mormon from Utah who also lives in that residential tower. So that's something you see down here all the time, but back when I lived in Chicago, I never saw a guy with a full time driver unless, of course, it was a driver for an executive, but then he'd be on the company payroll. Anyway, the weird thing is you'll be in a parking lot down here on big tunnels, a Wendy's,

3:08a Starbucks, a big mall or a Costco. And you probably will see one or two guys mulling around in the parking lot. No furs. Generally hanging around an oversized SUV like a Tucson Mercedes or Lincoln Navigator. You know, cars that are totally unsuited for Latin America, but you know, certain wealthy Latinos and Latinos just putting on the dog have to have some big spectacular vehicle like that. Funny thing is, when you see a bodyguard hanging around a car like that, a car that's obscenely out of place here in Latin America. And impractical, too big for the roads and parking spaces. It's practically a hundred percent guarantee that his boss is a Latino. However, when you're at the local hardware store, the Ferreteria and you see a guy hanging around a more practical car and you figure out that he's someone's driver. Say it's a hot to see RV or four runner Jeep Cherokee, whatever. You can bet he's a driver for some gringo or foreigner because basically that gringo or gringo boss man or lady is just interested in getting from place to place, getting from

4:09department store to the hairdresser, whatever. Pringles and foreigners will use a chauffeur or driver to get from point A to point B. They're not interested in putting on a show for everyone. They're not thinking, hey man, look at me. I've got a driver and a big black suburban with blacked out windows. I mean, really, what gringo or expat wants that kind of attention drawn to him. But for Latinos and Latinos man, that's part of the way they separate the class system here. Latinos, especially those who've got a little dough, live to be noticed. Now, I've said about that, except to say, another very weird thing that doesn't really fit the pattern is that you'll see the occasional mini Cooper down here. And as you probably know, those things are way too expensive for what you get. But somehow down here in Latin America in the last few years anyway, a certain segment of Latinos with money have figured out how many Cooper even for its small size and dangerously low road clearance can be a status symbol. I don't get it, but there's just so many things I don't get about the Latino mindset.

5:09But back to that Gringo Advantage thing and how, if you're way off the Gringo tourist trail, you really have it in a big way. Oddly enough, if you're an American way off the Gringo tourist trail, you'll find there's much, much less of the so-called Gringo garage or Gringo pricing. Oftentimes, Gringo pricing just doesn't exist at all, basically because it's had no opportunity to flourish. I mean, look, let's face it, if you're a Latino hardware store owner or construction contractor, plumber, whatever. In all that 10 years you've been in business, you've only had two or three Gringo clients. There's no way or at least it's highly unlikely you're going to be singled out by the guy and when you walk in the door, he's going to rub his hands together and say, hey, there's a first real dope icon gouge. But of course, the more Gringo's in the area, the more that kind of mindset takes hold. In fact, let's talk about Quenca Ecuador for a second because I just got an email from guy who has been living there a while. He went down there to retire, mostly because he's been reading and seeing podcasts and hearing all over the place on the internet that it's a great place for Gringo's to retire.

6:13In fact, one of the number one Gringo retirement destinations in the world. So Quenca Ecuador is definitely just jam-packed with Gringo's, where the Gringo advantage has been definitely diminished. And here's what he has to say. He says, dear Johnny, here lots of talk down here about Gringo pricing versus local pricing, the Gringo gouge, as you call it. He says, in my five years living in Quenca, I had my own car, had a house built, had an internet plan, health insurance, and all the rest. And I'll tell you right now, not one single day goes by where someone doesn't try to screw me. He says, from the gas guy delivering propane gas, charging me 25 cents more per tank than the local Latinos in my neighborhood, and shorting me on the wait to boot. Even the contractor who built my house when I signed that contract, after the guy got 50% down before the job even started, he had the building materials delivered, not quite enough to do the job, so I had to buy more, partly my fault, because I stupidly didn't

7:18take inventory. Two more times I had to buy extra material that was not originally in the contract. Then he and his crew sort of sat around on their asses doing nothing for three months, and he hit me up for more dough to make payroll. If towards the end of the job I had to kick in for payroll, the guys would have walked off forever. Then got an offender vendor too, the guy was driving a wreck and had no insurance, which is against the law, but laws down here are just a suggestion. My current insurance company paid, but I had to kick in the 500 deductible. So in the end when I see articles of people praising Ecuador as a great retirement destination, that people are nice and friendly and kind, they are. But don't get too friendly or too trusting, because when you turn around you'll find you've been stabbed in the back, always with a pleasant smile though. I find that people who write kind and nice articles about living down here as an expat. I truly believe they're actually trying too hard to defend their decision for moving

8:18here in the first place. They want the people back home to think they made this great and wise choice. It's human nature not to want to admit defeat. That's the old saying, grabbing defeat from the clutches of victory? Well I have a few coffee clutch gringo buddies here in Quenca, and that's a subject that comes up a lot. Don't get me wrong Johnny, you can live a very nice life down here and cheap too. But the fact is there will be days when people try to screw you. Not every day though, just those days when you feel like going into town. And I know here in Ecuador most people are living on the edge. And even people living on the edge have a certain pride and envy. And after you've been gouged as many times as I have, you'll think the Ecuadorian people have a culture of lying, cheating, and stealing. We're shit. When caught red handed, they'll genuinely smile and act as if nothing happened. For example, and this has happened to me too many times to count. They'll hand you a bill with an overcharge error on it. You'll discover it. And they'll say, oh, discupa me. No paso nada. Translation.

9:18Oh, I'm sorry. How'd that happen? Anyway, Johnny, that's my story. Signed Mason L. All right, Mason, thanks for that. That reminds me of a fresh little story I just heard from an ex-pat living in Panama. He bought a nice older house, a colonial-style house, that needed new gutters. Of course, he knew he'd have to have him replaced when he bought the house. He figured, ah, simple, just call it a gutter guy, rip out the old rotted ones and install fresh new ones. So he got on his phone, plugged in gutter installers on Instagram, came up with a whole list. All of them had nice photos, seemed to be on the up and up. So he called the guy to come over. But before he did, he went on Grock. And he asked, what's the average cost in the states for new gutters to be put on a 1600 square foot house? He asked, what would a downspout or gutter installer charge in the states? You know, typical aluminum gutters. Well, according to Grock, around 2,000 bucks, then he asked, what about in Panama? Grock said, well, labor is much cheaper in Panama.

10:22So you should be able to get the work done for around 900 to 1,500 bucks. So armed with that info, he called up the first gutter guy, he came over, measured everything out, his estimate, 2,700 bucks, almost three times Grock's estimate. Then he thought, maybe it was Grock. And he checked, checked GPT, and he got pretty much the same answers. Then he thought, wow, that guy saw me come in. The gringo gouge, I'll get another estimate, called another guy. This time it's a guy who was an actual Spaniard who moved to Panama 10 years ago, married a Panamanian girl, opened up a sheet metal and gutter business like he had back in Spain. And this guy had a real nice little pamphlet saying, how much better his work was, and he guaranteed it for 20 years, unlike the locals he said, who might guarantee it for five years, but won't come when you call. So that guy went around the house, measured everything out, gave an estimate of, get this, $6,500. Now I ask you, what do you think was going on, and that guy's mind.

11:23Was he maybe looking to buy a second car for the family off this gringo? Let me repeat the facts of the case. Grock and Chatchee PT both said the job should cost between $915. The first estimate came in at 2,700 bucks, wow. The owner of the gringo thought, man, I'm getting gouge, gotta get another estimate. Rich came in at 6,500 bucks. We're talking about putting up aluminum gutters on a 1,600 square foot house. Very discouraging, huh? So he thought, and he thought, how can he get a legitimate bid? Will he called up a third gutter contractor? Well, he didn't actually call him. His wife did. This time, he wasn't there when the guy came over. His 30-something Panamanian wife gave the tour. And guess what, that bid came in at 2 grand, still not quite Latino prices. So he figured maybe he'd padded it a little because she was a woman. Same thing that happens when women show up to car dealerships and mechanics. He ended up taking that bid, which according to Grock and Chatchee PT, were pure gringo

12:26prices. Anyway, if that is in a stark example of the gringo gouge, I don't know what is. So maybe that's the attack you want to take if you're going to get at an estimate for some work that's rather big around your house. You disappear and have a Latino or Latino give the tour. When I do suggest you go to Grock or Chatchee PT, I prefer Grock. When you're thinking about getting anything done around the house, because it will give you good numbers of estimates in whatever country you happen to be in, it will research the prices for your particular area. Go ahead and try it. Let's say next time you gotta get your toilet fixed because it's leaking. Go ahead and ask Grock. Then tell it to country and city you're in. And it will actually find you the reputable guys in your area. Yep, AI like Grock will check all the reviews online. So anyway, that's good news. You'll find out right away if someone is trying to gouge you. Though unfortunately for the small stuff like getting a tank of propane gas delivered like

13:27Mason says in his email, if you're getting overcharged 25 cents a gallon and shorted on the weight, well, sorry, but you're just going to have to live with it. Alright, moving on. You know, these days with our official intelligence available to everyone and free translation apps available for free or supposedly for free, they're good too, surprisingly good. So then with all that free, really good translation stuff, what about all those Spanish courses online and those training apps and websites? Are people still buying that stuff? Do that stuff even work? You know, I still get the occasional email from someone or other that says, Johnny, what's the best language app or internet program to buy? Well, you know, over the years, I've tried a bunch of them myself. Now, you're probably not going to like what I have to say about it, but you know, many gringos swear by certain courses like Rocket Spanish, Pimsler Spanish, Rosetta Stone and Dual Lingo, that's a biggie. Well, I hate to break it to you, but I think most gringos and expats are lying about

14:31that stuff. They swear by the convenience of being able to listen to that stuff everywhere and your car in bed, even in the shower. But now, remember, I've been down here 30 plus years and I met thousands of expats, gringos and guess what? I have never personally met anyone who achieved genuine conversational, you know, in the street fluency using just one of those apps alone. Hey, early on, I tried a half a dozen of those courses myself and even after finishing one of those very long courses back then, they were on CDs and cassettes. Man, when you're finally finished with all 26 CDs or cassettes, you'd feel so happy with yourself. Pat yourself on a back a million times, only to be super disappointed to discover you still couldn't have a decent conversation with your cab driver. Oh, I remember the early days when someone would be speaking to me in Spanish, someone on the street, it sounded like every word he said was connected, like he was just talking in one big, long word with no pauses or spaces.

15:33It was like hearing super-califragilistic, expialedotious only in Spanish. You don't know how many times I'd nod my head slowly as if I actually understood, but I didn't. Though it is true and many people find this very hard to believe, but it is true, no matter what language you speak, you only use about 500 words. Not of course when you're talking about medicine or politics. I mean, just in daily conversational language. Of course, rappers and regatineros have vocabulary that reaches far as 15 words, but this conversation is not about mental midgets. By the way, Latinos actually have the same translation for mental midgets. It's enanismo mentale. So down here when someone's being insulted as a mental midget, the person has enanismo mentale. Oh, and yes, sure at first I was big on vocabulary. I learned maybe 10,000 Spanish vocabulary words.

16:35But as mentioned, you only use maybe 500 words max, conversationalally. I remember years ago when I was first learning Spanish, I had little post-it stickers all over my apartment. People who visited my place thought I was nuts. But I did learn my Spanish vocabulary words super fast that way. Problem is if you use one of those apps or courses exclusively, you'll never really learn how to put those words into phrases. The average guy on the street uses. Because basically everyone on the street speaks a sort of Spanish slang. You know, that's the same reason why Spanish speakers down here who learn English in school still watch their first world Hollywood movies in Spanish or read the subtitles in Spanish. Because they're totally lost when people are speaking English on the street. And when black Americans speak English, especially in the movies, I've tried to explain to the Spanish speakers that most of us lily white guys don't get it either. Besides the fact that black mostly rap lingo is sort of an IQ test. In other words, like my dear old mother always said, an English professor, no less.

17:39She'd say to me, you could pretty much tell a guy or a gal station in life by just having a three minute conversation with him. You know, choice of words, pronunciation, vocabulary, syntax and all that. I'll tell you when I was a kid and had friends over to the house, there were times it could get pretty testy. My mom being an English professor and all. She was often in linguistic correction mode, which was a-ok with my nerd friends because they were in that mode too, but not with my rock and roll buddies. At times embarrassing, but served me well later on. Speaking of languages, here's a quiz. What Latin country has the highest percentage of indigenous people? Well, the answer is Guatemala. 51% of the country is populated by indigenous people and they've got, I think, 25 different indigenous languages. The interesting thing is practically all indigenous people in Guatemala speak Spanish, which means of course they're bilingual because they've got their own indigenous language and Spanish.

18:41Next in line, Bolivia. They've got a population of indigenous people, you know, with funny hats. It's around 40% of all citizens, all of whom also speak Spanish and their own indigenous language. So in some ways, indigenous people of Latin America are one up on gringos and expats. Almost all of them are bilingual and we're not. Oh, and third on the list of highest percentage of indigenous people is Peru, 31% of the population. And man, talk about racism and classism. The indigenous people in Latin America exist in their own world. There's very little mixing amongst the Latinos. But sure, when it comes to business and enterprise, there's lots of mixing. But that's a different thing. That's commerce. For example, you buy your fruits and vegetables from the indigenous ladies in the big markets and your maiden gardener or indigenous, but you won't see their little indigenous kids playing with the taller, whiter, wealthier Latinos. At first it's odd to see, but she get used to it. Oh, and you don't see tall, lighter, whiter Latinos.

19:44With short, dark, indigenous wives or girlfriends, however, you will see certain gringos and expats with short, dark, indigenous girlfriends. Funny how it's almost never the other way around, especially in Guatemala, Bolivia, Peru, and Mexico. By the way, it's often sort of a funny thing to see a tall, white gringo, a six-foot guy with like a four-foot, nothing indigenous girlfriend or wife. They certainly do stand out on the street. Funny how it's almost never the other way around. Now, of course, that seems pretty odd to the locals, so they will stare and sometimes point it out. Yep, down here in Latin America, a gringo is our known for our quirks. But there is a question. When a gringo expats, hooks up with an indigenous lady, does he learn her indigenous language? Well, I've never seen that to be the case. We have a hard enough time learning Spanish. Those indigenous languages, man, just loaded with tongue twisters, different letters, different alphabet. Wow. Alright, changing the subject. You've heard of Mercado Libre, haven't you? Mercado Libre, that's M-E-R-C-A-D-O-L-I-B-R-E.

20:47It's the biggest online sort of craigslist in any Latin American country. That's where you go to buy new and used stuff. It would be kind of like the Amazon and Nellie Baba of Latin America. It turns out it's the biggest online company down here, Mercado Libre, English translation, free market. In other words, if you want to buy a house, a Harley, hire someone, a plumber, buy a set of tires, whatever. You go to Mercado Libre in your country. Well, guess what? I've had lots of discussions with Latinos down here, concerning things like AI and robocards and how all that stuff will change the face of Latin America once they arrive. And guess what? Even the smartest, most educated of Latinos I know say, oh no, that stuff will take forever to arrive down here. They say things like we're in slow gear. We're very slow to adopt technology. It took us 10 years after you guys got cell phones for us to get up. 10 years after you guys had decent internet for us to get it. Well, I beg the differ. The big news here in Latin America today is that Mercado Libre, the biggest online commercial

21:51service just announced they're going to be eliminating 10,000 development jobs. That's software, programming, marketing. Turns out they've got a 20,000 strong development team. They're going to shrink to 10,000. Turns out they're having AI take over their routine coding, surprise, surprise. So then what do you tell Latin American kids who want to go to university? Don't study math, computers, and coding, but that's not the word that's going out. It seems there is no word or warning going out to college kids at all, even though it's a hard fact that even down here in Latin America, AI is doing a complete makeover, just like it's doing to the rest of the world. But the local Latino population just does not want to believe that. No one wants to face or even discuss it. Oh, and speaking of facts, you never knew about Latin America. Can you guess without looking it up on the internet, which Latin American country has the largest population of Japanese descent? I'm guessing if you have half a brand at all, you probably said Peru because they did have a slew of Japanese politicians like President Alberto Fujimori, who went to jail for

22:57a number of years because he was totally corrupt. Well, yeah, he was of pure Japanese descent, you could tell by his name. But he didn't seem Japanese culturally, because if he really was, he'd have committed Harry Carey out of shame instead of going to jail. Anyway, I think most Americans would be surprised to know that Brazil has the highest percentage of Japanese people living there. In fact, Brazil has about two million people of Japanese descent, the largest Japanese community outside of Japan itself. In fact, one listener of the show once told me that there are Japanese people everywhere you go in Brazil. As evidenced by the vast array of amazing and disturbing sushi varieties that you never see anywhere else, same as in Brazil, there are more whole-in-the-wall sushi joints than churches or lottery kiosks, which is saying a lot. You know, speaking of Brazil, lots of the business owners there are re-incorporating in Paraguay. It seems that Paraguay has got a big business boom going on right now, since it's sort of

24:00realigned its tax structure as pretty much the lowest in Latin America. It's got a 10% corporate rate, 10% income tax, how you like that, and a 10% VAT rate. For example, just think about what you pay in taxes up in the States. You've heard me say before that if you add all the taxes and fees together, it's over 50% of your income. Imagine moving to a place like Paraguay where your maximum income tax rate is 10%. In the end, though, you end up paying around 20%. Because they've got that VAT tax, their version of a state sales tax, that 10% is added into every bill. Everything you buy in a place that's registered, that's legit, you'll pay a 10% tax. When, as with most all Latin American countries, you only pay income tax on the money you earn in that country, outside income, not taxed, though you'll find many Latin American governments will tax wired transfers. A small tax, yes, but still a gouge, like a half a 1%, so let's say if you transfer

25:04in 10 grand from another country to your particular Latin country, some countries will charge that half a 1%. So you'll get gouge for 50 bucks, which of course won't break the bank, but it is annoying. Since you get nothing in return for that except Lardass inefficient scumbaggery, which we've all come to expect from most all governments. So anyway, just recently Paraguay has become sort of a magnet for businesses and corporate entities. A real South American tax haven, with its flat 10% corporate tax, really beats out next to our neighbor Brazil, whose effective corporate tax is 34%, you can understand why so many Brazilian corporations are hopping over to Paraguay and re-incorporating there. We're getting towards the end of the show now, and I'd be remiss if I didn't hit on this sort of confusing subject. You know, since I've been cut back to one show a week, I've been getting a slew of emails from people saying they've got expat files with draw symptoms, sort of Johnny Estrangement,

26:08not derangement syndrome. In fact, there was one guy who did a complete analysis of my show and how many people listened to it. He says, Johnny, I used AI to check it out and found your show has millions of downloads and a very high total of listeners. Indeed, he says many more downloads than most other shows on PIRN, except the host and owner Gary Null. He says, based on visible metrics from the pod being pages and other sources, the expat files appears to have the most downloads among all the rest. It's a long-running show focused on expat life-re-location tips and insights on Latin America, yada yada, et cetera, et cetera. And though it says it may be harder to compare stats directly across other platforms, but among those with public stats, the expat files leads the PRN pack. You can check the page for yourself at the expatfiles.podbean.com. So anyway, I'm getting that kind of stuff from certain listeners who are upset that I'm down to one show a week.

27:08So people are asking, why was it cut back if it was one of the most popular shows? Well, it is what it is, as they say. Though I know there are some listeners out there who don't much like my presentation, but they keep listening. I get my share of hate mail too. You know, if you're nice and bubbly and upbeat all the time, talking about how all is right in paradise. You won't get hate mail, but you won't have many listeners either. You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America. If you need some help with your own plan B, we can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype console. Just send me an email, the expatfilesetgmail.com. And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America, where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B, send me an email, the expatfilesetgmail.com. We'll see you in the next one.