Delonte West on Recovery, Rock Bottom & Rebuilding His Life

0:00Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high performance loving. Iconic spaces that inspire. Personal training backed by real data, unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and Pilates to strength and conditioning. Elevate your post-performance ritual with sonas, steam rooms, cold plunges, and more. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at Equinox.com. Ultra running shoes are all about space. The space to go further, to feel better, to do something you never thought possible. And this space starts with ultra-fit. Unlike traditional running shoes, ultra-fit gives toes more room to move naturally. So every step is strong, balanced, and comfortable. Whatever you're leasing up for, stay out there. With ultra, shop now at ultra-running.com. That's ALTRA running.com.

1:01Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing and awareable. So your vital zap, now with heart rate variability, can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Here's the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described it for wellness purposes only and not for medical use. iPhone 11 or later required, based on Apple conducted study of heart rate accuracy August 2026, visit Apple.com slash Apple Watch Series 12. Second, radar under 1790 without parent.

2:02Fall never arrives all at once. Verse the air, then the light, and slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross. You know, I had to get his number. Yeah, I didn't call you man. And then it was like my man couldn't go without thinking about their feeling. You had a great rookie year in Boston. Then would you go Seattle after that? Yeah. And then you went to Cleveland. Cleveland. You went to Seattle for one year, half a year, half a year. Yeah, because they was going to Oklahoma. And you know, they wasn't, you know, I was up for contract

3:06in Boston. So I went to Seattle. The owner was tied up with contracts with the state. And so he wasn't into right there. Time he wasn't trying to negotiate or extend anybody. You know, I opted out or at the same time, Brian just said, I was, you know, I was all new to me as a young player. As far as I didn't think I had the type of resume. It's just the main trade or something. But, you know, it was kind of mutual. Like, you know, we know, you know, we know you are for extension. You're not standing by. You know, we look for some places for you to go. And Cleveland was the interest. I played a good game against them early in the season. And, you know, that was the one team that was reaching out. You know, they ended up being a dozen, another major run. You know, some of the best years in the league in Cleveland. Yeah. They went back to Boston. You had a great career in Cleveland. Thank you, Brian.

4:07But you, so that was when Seattle, they were the supersonic. And then they went over to a OKC song there. Yeah. Uh-huh. And then that's when you split. Yeah. I was the halfway through the season. Yeah. So the first half of the season in Seattle, they didn't go to Oklahoma to the end of the year. So the season over with the next season, they start up the Oklahoma. So at the trade deadline in Seattle February, I went to Cleveland. Got it. And LeBron was already there for one year, right? 2003, he went there. Got it. You do. It is a pleasure and an honor to have you. And I can't thank you enough for coming on. And it's crazy because you and I were just talking the other day. Mm-hmm. And where you're at today, you're willingness to spread the message to the person out there who was in your shoes at one point who needs to hear that message. Yeah. I respect that in you, man. I really do.

5:07I appreciate it, yeah. Yeah. And in December, you're going to have a year sober. Yeah. Wow. You think a year ago, you'd be where you are today? I didn't. I didn't. It's a man that is happening like one moment at a time. And then once I started really enjoying how my body was feeling every day, learning, just even if it wasn't about addictions, it was like you taking these classes, seeing different therapists, they come in with packets for you to do throughout the class. And you just, it is more geared to self-hilling, self-empowerment, and you're higher, you're God of your choice. And that's type of things when you come, you didn't take your body and your mind, spirits, in the opposite direction, all the way into the dumps.

6:10Self-hilling and learning about yourself, you know, that's like something that you really get into. So, time, time was named somehow as paying attention to. Yeah. We were talking about just before an active addiction, how like six monks will go by like that, then a year will go by like that. Yeah. And it's crazy because if we don't take that action that leap of faith to get ourselves better, to help ourselves, like I blinked my, it was just fun in college at first. Right. After college, it was like, all right, a couple of years after college, me and the boys are going to go just have some fun. Yeah. Like everyone's doing the same thing around me. And then I blink my eyes and I'm 30 and then I'm like holy shit, then I blink my eyes again and the time just keeps passing by. It's scary. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. I mean, I can't believe, I say my last year playing in Dallas, you know, I was, my kids were born in a year. There's summer. I went to play in China two years and I got my kids a two years apart.

7:16So, and I'm doing it like that. I'm saying like this because I'm like adding it up now. I'm doing the math. And so we come. So one was born. I was playing in Dallas, my son cash and a liar was in C while we were in China. So I played two years. I have a one. I come back home. I have a one and two year. I remember, you know, going outside to, I went to the liquor store and, you know, I was back home when the liquor store. So I knew everybody in the area. I came out and people still in the park on that, you know, guys, it's just, you know, set out there and talk or hang around the store or they sit on the side of the store and drink. And I remember I was right, yeah, just typing it up and, you know, I cracked open what I brought out the store and I drunk it out there and then, you know, you start talking more and then you just, you know, you hanging out now.

8:19And I sat down on the curb and I didn't get back up for another 10 years. That's powerful. And yes, just in, they've been like a corner metadah and like I know I had to come find some of them and say, you gotta come, you gotta come back to reality. And I might be like, man, I have no worries. You know, I just didn't even go back home. I didn't even know what was going on. It was going over my family, my kids, my career, anything. I just, I didn't even have a phone for about eight years. Let's take a step back. Let's go to the beginning. Yeah. You're originally from Maryland. From Maryland. What was your early childhood like for you? One thing I've learned in my own recovery is that you can't do this alone and you don't have to. I know that firsthand. I went through inpatient treatment at Karen treatment centers and it changed the course

9:24of my life. That's why I am proud to announce that I've partnered with Karen. For nearly 70 years, they've helped people and families not just break free from addiction, but actually heal and transform their lives. They're in network with all major insurance providers and same day admission is available. So if you or someone you love is struggling, don't wait. Call Karen at 855-352-0103. That's 855-352-0103. That helps start with taking that first step. Oh man, it was amazing. It was amazing. I had the best experience. You can't really compare apples and oranges. Some say I had syrup with dinner and some say yes, syrup with dinner.

10:24It depends on the moment at the time. I'm getting at it is that apartment living in apartments, apartment complex versus living in a home of any size. Sometimes you come home and you go visit your friends, get off a deal bus stop and you say you think for a man, you say, hey man, we don't have no house. But then other times, my bike finishes. I had a lot of my classmates, guys I went to school with, played on a little league, part one of football, basketball. They all, you know, two of both parents in the home, middle, upper class homes. They were spending the night over in my apartment complex all the time. So bouncing around from apartments and apartments, you know, I don't know what it is. I mean, I guess I'm not, you got to, I know I went to China.

11:24It was like one, you know, it was the only have one kid or something like that, you know. I don't know what's the, the, how many children? Yeah, you're a cop that asserts children. How many children were the same age? I feel like everyone in the, in our area born in the 70s, the 70s and 80s, particular. They just had the most amazing childhood. You know, it was like everybody was doing the same things, you know, because it wasn't, you know, wasn't that much more individual type of networks, you know, as a whereas I could be have a TV and you have a TV, but I would never know that you watch channel seven and I watch channel five, you know, you watch Fox and I watch you, you, you know, it was like a just a set amount of channels. So everybody was kind of on the same wavelength. So it was so many kids, my same age, everywhere in Maryland and DC, yeah, in Virginia.

12:31And it seemed like everyone knew each other. So you could go outside and play high and go seek and you haven't got to come home for two weeks. And nothing, you'd be okay, you know, you'd be all the way in Virginia somewhere from Maryland. You didn't play high and go see the 25 neighborhood DC, Maryland in Virginia and y'all didn't play basketball, football, went to the pool, played manhunt, you know, ran through the sewers, built a T.P. out in the woods all in one day, you know, so I was, you know, I was forcing them blessed to live that life as a child, you know, it felt almost like the same light, you know, free, basketball, free living. Yeah, man, free German. Go, well, in my household, it was come back when the, when the street lights come on, check in. Let me just make sure you're alive. Right. Go back playing manhunt with your friends. Yeah, but that's a good point. So I was, what do you born in 82, ish?

13:3383. 83. 85. Roughly the same. Dude, we all watch the same shows. Yes. Now everyone's got their own tablet, social media, algorithms are different. And I feel like there was so much more in common back then. Right. You know, so many more kids could relate to one another and bond and over the same experiences. Right. Right. It's interesting. That's, that's the first time I've heard that that's a great observation. So okay. You are growing up. When did you start playing basketball? Well, I found basketball definitely in our era, you know, the Jortner. You know, how can you know, you, well, it's just leave the dead to Jortner. You know, and I'm coming out one of those cities, brushing DC and Merlin, where basketball is like these things to do. You know, obviously, come out of the air and then bias and, you know, so it's, it's

14:35something about having a crossover. Then you got, felt a delfear right up the street. You got New York and New Jersey. You know, you got the East Coast whole rivalry that street, but it was almost like, you know, the West Coast and East Coast wrap versus. It was like a thing with basketball up and down the East Coast who got the better, who got the best crossover, who got the best guards, you know, who got the best street ball team. So basketball was a part of life coming up in DC. So everyone had an averaging crossover growing up in their mind. They did. Yeah. I learned once I played against, I said, oh, that's a difference. Did you ever think you would ever stuff him in a game and then run it back and score? Oh, yeah, man. I saw that clip. That was the same play. I tell you funny story. I said, because, you know, humorous, you know, me and Paul Pearson, the guys were always joke. Paul should always ride us.

15:35You know, the young fans, we come in, you know, every day I was got jokes with, but it was a, it was a method to the madness. You know, it helped us be ourselves. And that's what he was going for. Like just be who you are. You know what I'm saying? So he would take the lead and that, you know, when we were coming in like, should I do this? How should I act? And you know, he started off with good old John and cracking jokes, you know. He always told me, man, who the best player ever come out of DC? And I'd be like me. He was like, he's bad. We're about averaging. I'm like, man, he got that crossover from me. And then we go to the first year we going to play. I think we was in Philadelphia. No, we was in Boston. It fully came to Boston. And Paul actually was saying, yeah, baby, it's the match up now. You're going to show us. You're going to tell me, you're going to tell me one more time. Tell everybody who got the best crossover in DC. Like me, man, I'm tired of telling you this. I'm like, he's the, I don't think I'd get that crossover from me.

16:39I'm the coldest to do it. In the opposite sitting, he called I'm sitting into the locker room. Hey, I'm sitting right there in the locker room next to Paul. I never paid attention to it. Like he's sitting in just as you are right there. I'm sitting walking in front of him. And he got there from me. I'm the coldest to do it. So they, you know, his veterans and I come up on a knee probably in the area. So they didn't really enjoy that. They was there. He had a bar. So I enjoy making those guys laugh. And you know, that's life. And there's a young guy coming in. Those are good vibes. Because you went into the league. You went into the NBA at 21 years old. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine being fucking, well, you did it. But like I'm 20 to the viewers, 21 years old and you're on the big stage. That is young. Yeah, it is. 21. I didn't know my ass for my elbow. No. People, I mean, people don't understand. It's like you go even if doing some years in college, you know, with the, with sports, you know, being a dead type of,

17:44teams I was playing on and the success I was having, you know, people start paying more attention to you. And I mean by, you know, the basketball people that takes the game as a business level. So therefore they, you know, they start surrounding you in a way of, before you're ready for it, you know, as a product, you know, as a future investment. And they need to protect their investments. So you start at a young age, you start, you know, make sure, you know, he got his tennis, you know, you got tennis shoes showing up at the door. You got rides waiting for you. You got a trainer, you, people nutritionists coming and it's like you're sheltered in a way, you know, and you're allowed to just sit in that room and just be the same person you've always been. So you're in a way, you're not, you know, you're not aging, you know, mentally, you know, you're aging through your growth in your pretty respective sport, you know,

18:44the better you get the more they say, oh man, he's getting better with time, but he's still, that's from 1718. Yeah, that's going from 11 and 12 grade, you know, you go from being, you know, a skinny or, you know, undersized, underclassmen to somebody had a growth spurt to being a man amongst boys, you know, but you still playing, you still have the same friends, you know, you're still playing man, huh? Video games, but now when you go to the court, it's, you got scouts watching you and you don't know it, you know, it's like, it's a big deal for you and it's a big deal for everyone around you. You're a course you too, but as far as like you grow if you talk about being 21 and coming to college, you know, you coming from high school, you can put all that together, you're going from playing with your friends and, you know, it's not about age, you know, how you get older, you're going to six flays, you talk to a girl, you're like, you're a name brain, she's in 12.

19:46She's like, I mean, you just, why you might, you're in, I'm a 12 for my age. But so you, you know, you were in 12 grade, you know, you have friends that's in the name grade, you know, that don't mean, because it's age different, don't mean you're, act so much different from each other. So you go from there to, now you're in college, you know, with the overnight you've grown, you know what I'm saying? You know, I've studied algebra part two, you know, so therefore, I'm, you know, I'm with, you know, I'm going to prestigious mental school now of college. Yeah. So sophisticated. Yeah, yeah. So you're from, most guys do one, two years in college and the same thing, the fun continues, you know, that same bubble is still there. And even more so as you go up in the ranks college, you know, you just like more restrictions, you know, is more of a bit start becoming a business.

20:47So it's more of a, you know, a business around you, including school, but you know, school is kind of, you know, it's more of an athlete and aren't you a student here? Not like, you know, you're a student athlete, you know, you're an athlete with a student badge. Yeah, students on the back burner. Yeah, yeah. And year two, you know, you're in the pros, you know? So I mean, how am I mean, that's a, like, I guess you two years, you can do a lot of growing, maybe physically. You grow up quick. I couldn't imagine. And you are part of the business. Like you said, you were an asset to the owner of that team or that business and they're there to monetize you. Yeah. And they got to protect you and they got to, they're sheltering you from the outside world. So in terms of experiences, relationships, all the above, there's only so much growth that one person can have outside of the sport that they're playing in professionally.

21:48Right. So in high school, you clearly stand out. You have a great high school career. You go on to play at St. Joe's. Now during this time, from high school to when you went to college, were you drinking, were you doing drugs? Anything out of the ordinary? No, nothing out of the ordinary, man. Of course, you read cup parties, bear pong, and you got the local tavern going in, and standing for your finals, man. Everybody got there. You're in Bajama pants on and in the school hoodie, going to have fruit brusquies. Definitely the type of years we have in the St. Joe's, but it was in an act of breaking count. I mean, just in one hand, I know for sure, that many times that, I mean, I know the feeling of being hammered, making home, making home to the bed,

22:50and then the room is just spinning like, oh my God, I got it from it. But not in the sense of when somebody would say, he's hammered because he's an addict. I'm talking about hammered up, you mix tequila and jack Daniels, and you know, a valk all in the same cup with some tomato juice and something. He's just like, oh my goodness, I can't take it. So I can count on one hand. How many times I felt like that, even throughout my whole pro career? Isolated incidents, which wouldn't warrant someone to be classified as an alcoholic or have a problem. We all have those. We all those nice, we like out and we fuck up. And we're like, oh shit. All right. So, okay, now, junior year, St. Joe's, you have a standout year. You guys go 27 and know your first 27 games.

23:52Think you finished up with 31 and like one or two? Something like that. You guys have a great season. And you then declare into the NBA and you get drafted. You're with Paul Pierce. Gary Payton. Gary Payton. You're with two of the top dogs to do it. Yes, indeed. And I love that you said that he created that vibe where you guys can all be yourselves. Yeah. You could fuck around with one another because again, like you said, you're in a business, but Paul kind of wanted, he was a veteran and he wanted you guys all to be yourselves. And that's obviously going to bring out the best in you on the court as well. Yeah. You have a great ear in Boston. You said you weren't really drinking? You weren't drugging? Nothing. No. You know, too crazy. No. And then, you know, in college, you know, them was the years when the, you know, DVDs

24:55was that it's all time high. You know, everyone had half baked in, you know, teaching chone DVDs and, you know, but when I played, I saw in college, you know, I was, you know, I had dreams of having a, you know, a mirror, like a smoking room. Like, you know, they had, I know I don't see too many, no stories anymore. We should get us a store ratio just posters, like black lights and posters. I mean, it's always Spencer early 2000. Yeah. So, yeah. So I had dreams of having tie-dye posters and black lights and Billy Barthortern. And one day when it's all said, now I'm, you know, I'm going to run a roll of blood, this big, you know, who have blood rolling contest. And, but in the pros, you know, but that never was something that was, like a considered, you know, ongoing thing.

25:55You know, I can take a good time, I'll have a moment in life and that let it carry on. So, you know, of course you had fun times in college. We just, you know, describe it as that. And, but the pros, you know, it was so, for me, like that was, like college, like that college behind, you know, as far as, you know, what happened on that one Friday, you know, it's not like, man, you know, I got to be in like, man, you know, about bare-bomb. You want to play, you want to spend the bottle. So, I wasn't like, I carried, you know, on with having a good time from, or I had a good time in a barbecue in the summertime, or it was said, that's a part of my life. And that's kind of what addiction is when this, that starts to be, you know, whatever, you, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you've tried to indulge in, you, you, you know, you, you took it with you, you carried it with you, and you kept on what you made it a part of your life.

26:58So, my whole time, playing in the NBA, you know, I mean, of course you had parties and stuff, but I drink in moderation, you know, for the occasion. You know, it wasn't the time, I mean, I knew, like I had, I was like James Bond. Like I had a drink. Like I had something that, you know, yeah, give me, to double shot of the throne on the rocks, splassing roses, land juice, full of lamps, two straws in the napkin and one rubber band. You know, I had my, yeah, I had my whole, like, so I was like a, you know, class thing going, boozy. Yeah, I was boozy. Yeah. You know, I'm a junior on the fucking FBI. Yeah, well yeah, I go in and I have. Every right to be boozy. So like I've been night at the club, you know, I might have the same glass that I have for a long time, you know, I ain't no refills going on. You were buckled down during your time in the NBA. You were doing, you were handling business. You were focused.

28:01Which could be confusing for someone who eventually down the road has an addiction, it's progressive. Right. It's pretty great. You could, you could become an addict or an alcoholic, push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high performance loving. Iconic spaces that inspire personal training backed by real data, unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and Pilates to strength and conditioning. Elevate your post performance ritual with sonas, steam rooms, cold plunges and more. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com. Ultra running shoes are all about space. The space to go further, to feel better, to do something you never thought possible. And this space starts with ultra fit. Unlike traditional running shoes, ultra fit gives toes more room to move naturally. So every step is strong, balanced and comfortable.

29:04Whatever you're leasing up for, stay out there with ultra. Shop now at ultra running dot com. That's ALTRA running dot com. Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing and awareable. So your vitals app now with heart rate variability can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Here's the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described it for wellness purposes only and not for medical use. iPhone 11 or later require based on Apple conducted study of heart rate accuracy August 2026. Visit apple.com slash Apple Watch Series 12. Mr. President, my company formed the explosion. I'm not reic on October 2nd, causing massive water displacement, triggering the tsunami. They all heat the blame all me. Tom Cruise is digger Donner center this mess. And digger is gonna dig a top. From the director of bird man and the Revenant. What would happen if I stopped doing it? You stole it. You freeze the deck. That's what with great power comes great to liability.

30:07I'm not the earth. Digger see the tree long. Only years of October 2nd rated R under 1790 without parent. Fall never arrives all at once. Verse the air, then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets address a hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross. In your 40s. Yeah. In your 30s and your 50s. I know people who started drinking alcoholically in their 50s or sober now and they're in their 60s. It's progressive. You came out at some point in your life and said that you were diagnosed bipolar. Right. Are you diagnosed? Yeah. My father, PTSD, they say with, you know,

31:13say,otic, psychotic events that like they gave me a whole list of things, but it's not, it's when you look it up and see what it means, you know, is you're just saying, whoa. You know, that is, I guess that is. You know, you like this. You want it because you think of the whole thing with diagnosis. You start thinking about what does that mean? Do I got to take a shot of medicine or by don't am I going, you know, I may have showed you know, I may have mental damage as I get older or is this something that is going to affect my kids or is that a red tear? You know, you don't quite know exactly what they mean when they say you have a diagnosis. But, no, I mean, I would say, you know, you know, 99% people in world got mental health issues. Yeah. But when I say issues, that's not considered a bad thing. You know, when you say mental health, you know, is that, does

32:17that mean bad? You know, that means something's wrong. No, it's just you have issues with processing things like it's something that's simple. I have an issue with processing, you know, why if it says the Donna store, why say 104 when I get to the register? Why do they find issues with this? You know, and then if you, if you, you know, depending on the severity of how it affects you, you know, I mean, you're going to, you know, spaz out and knock everything open the store. But, you know, you make, it's something small, like, you know, the bipolar something, it's something simple as that, where it's just like, you know, you're in the register same, same scenario. And it's like, the lady, everyone's getting the dollar store, right? And then you only have one or two things.

33:18It's a line and it's like, she's kind of, she's easily wrapping up, getting everybody through the line. Boop, boop, okay, that'd be 208. Okay, all right, all right, have a good day. You know, I'm having a beautiful, full of joy next day. How are you? Boop back. All right, you want to coup on? Nope, that's 2000, he says, you know, you got four syntax. And you're turning, coming in and she goes, you go like, hey, you going to shico, I'll be right home, I'll be right back. He's just like, you're waiting for your high. Yeah. And then she just had to turn her attention. You know, for you, it could be depleting. It took away your whole from your whole day. It is snowball. It's not like I'm upset. It's just, you know, maybe a shock of, maybe not embarrassment or like, my, I don't seem worthy enough, or she did it on purpose. And then it's like, just, you know, your energy went from 100% to 90, maybe not 70%, but maybe 98%. Just a little, huh.

34:20And then I was, man, I was so excited first to go there. And we was going to stop it. They, you know, in and out burger, then it's like, I'm not the hungry. You know, and then you might, and if it can get to the point to where as, you know, you back at home, you know, you're not going to your, all this was leading up to the fourth July picnic today. And then you, you know, you don't want this not coming. You know, going outside in the backyard, you know, you, you know, I'm going to say him, I'm finishing watching the TV, but it's the distance that you're creating that is something that's starting to build with you. It's not anger, but it's a, it's a depression. It's, it's sadness. It goes much further than just standing in line. Yeah, yeah. It goes throughout your whole day. For you, were you experiencing like week long? Was it something that you would slip into for multiple days? Well, with sports, you know, and having, you know,

35:21guys that now they were high octane or high performing athletes, some of them had high performing, you know, personalities. So it's like, you know, you be sitting in somebody, you know, you got guys that I always said a lot of play that I don't know if it's meant to helpful. He's just, he's, he's a great team guy. He's great. He has great locker room skills. You sitting like this man, Kobe Brown just scored 50 points on me in the first half. You just like this and your team will go, bro. You might ask. Oh, shit. Oh, man, I thought you was going to sleep over there. Don't worry about it, man. You know, Kobe, get everybody 50 points. Man, you got to stay in the game. You know what I'm saying? If the game is a game, all that would piss me the fuck off. But you know, so does he got mental health too? Oh, he just, man, that's me. He's me motivated. It's fucking fake in it. Yeah. But wait, I got one for you. And this, this showcase is whatever you've been doing since December

36:26when you got sober is working because you just experienced a horrible one whether you know it or not. All right. So for the audience, you came here from, I'm not going to say the town, but another town in South Florida, you're probably 30 minutes away from the studio. You took a new beer here. Took a new beer. You went to the bridge, right where my studio is, five minutes away from my studio. Yeah. That bridge, and I'm sorry to say this, it never takes longer than five minutes. You were sitting there for 40 minutes. 40 minutes. And we just second car in land to the bridge. I take you, I would like to just be at the bridge. I sent you a picture of it. I was like, man, we bought a mile away and beat it in a second. And I was sitting there looking on IG, I was on IG live. I was listening to the music and I was like, there, I was like, hold on, man, it's been about 20 minutes. You know, in the Uber driver, he listened to the music. I'm playing, he's tapping on the steering wheel.

37:28He and I and the rush to go anywhere. That's the team mate with the team spirit. Yes and D. Yeah. Doesn't this bother you? That's like the team mate with the big contract, for you, everything, for me, everything is so dramatic. You know, because you're thinking about the next contract. We can't lose because I mean, not saying basketball about the check, but I'm just saying something just for instance, if your contract's coming to mind, everything is all summer. I can't go to them. I can't eat breakfast. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to think about, you know, whereas the proper man's boy, yeah, back to the bridge, you know what I'm saying? So, you know, 40 minutes. So yeah. And you showed up here, very grateful with a huge smile on your face. Excited to do the interview. So something has changed. The work you're doing, something has changed, which is awesome.

38:31I stayed in the moment. And that is so, that's such a blessing to, I don't know if it's the medication. It's the first time in my life I've been consistent, you know, having to take my proper man's, you know, I thought I'd never get to the day. I thought it was so funny when somebody had like a, a pen's dispenser. I got one. One day, two day, one day. I got one. Man, my name, my name, my name is my Pills every day. When I first got here, it was like one for the, man, he gave me a little cup. I thought you just put it in my hand about, I don't know, they was popping them. Do it, do it. I got a car out of here. But eight pills in there, you know, but I guess I'm rather noticing it. You know what I'm saying? The consistency of that you have of, I don't want to say energy.

39:33Energy's not the word, you know, that's like taking a red bull, you know, five hour shot. It's the consistency of, you know, peace, peace. Oh, that's great. Okay. That's great. Yeah, it's because it's an ongoing consistency of standing in the moment. You know, it's almost like hair and then you know, I'm saying, well, you say, yeah, you been down here in Florida and not, you know, you from Maryland. Then by Paul is like, yeah, I'm just making kids. I'm saying, looking at you, but I'm like, yeah, Maryland, Maryland, Maryland, Maryland, like flight to get to Maryland. I don't have a car, you know, when I'm going to go and I get back home, I want to have my mom and she, you know, she, she, she get asked for my own sleep in my room, my cousin is there. It's like we have my mind is going there when he's supposed to be on the bench and that

40:39focus on the game mentally, not allowing, you know, the Brian James, the dunk on you. Yeah, I ain't nobody allowed him to do it. He just did it anyway. He did it on his own. Why you let him dunk on you? Oh, you think I just let him do it. Yeah. So, you know, from there, you send the coach and come on man, come down and get a breather. You gotta get somebody else in there. You know, you know, you gave 50, you know, 50% energy and you need some else to do the other 50 to match his hundred. You know, and it makes it totally sense. You understand it mentally. You understand it spiritually. You understand it as a team player, but something about being, you know, bipolar, you know, it's, it comes up starting again. Not bad thoughts. It's just ways to get back into your, your, your, it's something about that you're experiencing

41:45that wants you to slowly find a way. And I figured out what it is to get back to what you love to do most and that's to get up on the covers, the covers and have just your toe, your one foot hanging out. Have a frosty, have a good amazing movie to watch. Something like the Avengers. Oh, the new Spider-Man. And you can sit there like man, man, man, so snuggled and no one to, you know, does just me in this movie. And it's not like going into a shell. It's just that, that place right there. You don't have to, everything's fine. Everything's safe. You're already in the vehicle. One foot out the covers, you know, then you've got some, you know, if you've got some Captain Crunchberries and some milk, you know what I'm saying?

42:45Then you got to refrigerate it somewhere. It's a milk to go in there. It's a place to put the cereal back on. Someone got cable. You might not even process, you know, how to, you know, put cable in your name just shit. You know what I'm saying? It's an athlete, you know, probably, you know, you've got financial vases and, you know, your mom probably still has that type of stuff. So you think about as a child, like those things, you don't have to think about like how those, who's playing a electric bill, you know, the toilet works. You know, all these things is part of a comfort zone where it's like, I'm in peace. You know, I don't have to worry about the stresses of life because the stresses of life, that bass, you know, missing that jump shot is going to eventually make me think about how am I going to, you know, think about putting my name in a electric bill. Like, you know, am I ever going to have, how do I get a patent? Push your limits, train with precision, see the results.

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44:52heart rate sensing and awareable. So your vital zap now with heart rate variability can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Here the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described are for wellness purposes only and not for medical use. iPhone 11 or later required based on Apple conducted study of heart rate accuracy August 2026. Visit apple.com slash Apple Watch Series 12. Mr. President, my company for me is the explosion I'm not re-eating along to per second. Causing massive water displacement and triggering the tsunami. They all heat the blame all me. Tom Cruise is. Diggered on a ship to the specimen and digger is gonna dig a top. From the director of Birdman and the Revenant. What would happen if I stopped doing it? You stole it. Freeze it there. That's what. With great power comes great to liability. I'm not the earth. Diggered see the train online only years until we second rated R under 17 out of middle without parent. You know, what is the then I got a return to call the financial advisor and talk about savings account. Why I spent money last night at the club.

45:54And I don't want to had a conversation like man, this is you know, maybe the NBA or maybe football is not for me. You know, and that's all stem from that being able to stay all right with standing the moment. You know, and that's where like the medications and suggestions from therapists and just taking that time, taking the step forward to do the things. And that's tough for people with my bipolar too. You know, because if I read about bipolar, then I'm going to have to be responsible for knowing what bipolar is. And bipolar is going to be in a matter of learning how to spell it. I sound like a dumbass. I sound like a man. You're good. You're making sense. How do I smell bipolar? No, no, no, no. You're making sense. Keep going, keep going. Yeah, and it just snow, but you don't snowball too, but you can't get there to where someone

46:57is so it's like the press, even though they're body, their bones start aching. They feel sick like they got the flu. And they all started with, you know, not handling that you said you don't want no onions on your burger at the draft room or you ordered a bacon cheeseburger. And they gave you a big Mac. It hurt even more when somebody in the car said, no, remember we got to the window. The whole time near you kept saying, oh, let's stop here and get a bacon cheeseburger. When you got there, you looked at the menu and you put it, you said, give me a number one. That's a big Mac. They gave you a big Mac. You roll home all day cursing. You don't want to go to the beach no more. You know now like stupid. You got focus on the con track. You know, it's just, it's not spilling this all being.

47:59It's just, you know, it's a death when you start recognizing something there. Maybe, you know, because it's not a person being a jerk off and you know, Mr. Popularity, Mr. Big Shot needs his big Mac. And he's like, if you notice the things like this happen, you're on someone's life and it affects him in a way. And you know who this person is, you know, the spirits, you know, you know, this is like, this kid is a sweet heart man. You know, he wasn't hard to fly in the world. Very quiet. Humble man. You know, I'm saying fun and beer around. But for some reason, you know, you just don't know what he's thinking about some time. And then he, you know, he'd be the most talkative in the room and then it's like, he can't even mumble word out. He's like, you know, he can't complete sentences. I'm just like somebody like really hurt the, he's wondering if somebody really, he got some bad news. Somebody hurt him. Paralyzed. Is it somebody past? Yeah.

49:00You know, and that's what, that's when, you know, they started recognizing that, you know, early on. It was like, because they was invested in him and it was like, man, you know, we even know, we know that we've been noticing, you know, we've known this your whole life. You know, you know, you have a, you know, a impressive breakdown or you have spurts of, you know, anxiety and you know, you're sparing so far, you ain't used to go off and, you know, you, you know, staying in a gym for four days at a time and you just, you don't lose your energy. You just, you have to be stopped not because you're working, you know, because you love the game is because they want to know if you are easy on adrenaline or is he like, is that manic? Yeah, manic. Yeah. That's what I'm looking for. You're just fucking like go hard for like a couple days nonstop. Yeah. Yeah.

50:00They were out there like watching my nutrition. It was like really, I remember one of them, at some point the coach was like, we're not, I remember dark rivers with tell the team. Like they were like that. And I appreciate that about of those. There's got times when people say you look back on your career and you say, what are the things you invest moments in? Those are the things that you really think about as a person, you say as a man in my age, you say, man, that brings you to tears, not just the game, the game when it's shot, when the times when your teammates and your coaches, they said, nobody's practicing until he goes in there. He breakfast. Come on, man, wait on you. It felt like you come on. May you go off, say, so you eat them cold grits on the table. You're going to be here all day. Yeah. You know. So there were, there were signs throughout your career and whatnot. When did you, so to write, so with your MBA career, you were, you were, you were on point

51:00like you weren't killing yourself with drugs and alcohol. You had these different spurts. Were there any disagreements with, with, with players that you played with like on your team and whatnot? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm saying like, so for example, that example you gave us before with the teammates who's, rah, rah, rah, all right, do you shut up? Oh, yeah, it's like, were you, was that coming out with any of your teammates or were you pretty much? No, no, I was, but you know, I grew, you know, I was in, you know, it's two ways to say it. Two ways to play the way to skin and cap. You know, that's like you, some pipe may say, mental illness, I say mental strength. You know, you say you smell like that, you know, that's like a therapist displaying to a child like, you're superpowers. You only get mad because you're really Superman. You know, that's how my family were told to me.

52:03You know, I'd be at the stand, I get so angry, I'm playing lowly, you're getting right loose. I hit one of my uncles and it, oh shit, here come Batman. He's got to go off. Yeah, you grew up in, you know, you know, it was, bread, and I had a lot of jokes and you know, that was, you know, the, the, the snaps came out, you know, it was a lot of, your mama jokes and, you know, in living colors and everything was, you can go on and say, and just ran on, right on each other and everybody, you know, have a good time. Hey, man, you know, at the today, you, I, it's, it's scary to say anything about anybody, you know, just suit for her, breaking someone. Yeah, hurting someone. You go, you're saying, oh man, look, be worse, you got on, say I look at them big old 15s, you got on, man, oh my goodness, them look like sailboats. Oh my God, you know, I'm saying, let me go get my book bag, let me go get the ratchet. Oh, I don't know what the name for this stuff yet. Let me go pop the Trump.

53:04Yeah. You say I got on these big boots, you said I got on Hulk Hogan boots. So yeah, yeah. So I, I know what's a guy that, so coming up like that, you know, so what you would call special classes, you know, everyone seemed to be very entertaining, you know, everyone had sense of humor, you know, classes and even teachers, you know, everyone saw him living color on Martin last night. So you come in and somebody say, I say, what's up? You know, oh, I saw that too last night. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, you, and you playing with guys that have sense of humor and, you know, you know, these, in these personalities that, that's, they're superstars, you know, well, we all superstars in Jesus name. Do you know I'm saying? Has a higher power? Yeah. God, whatever you want to call it, has that made a huge difference for you in your sobriety

54:09the summer round? Yes. Yes. Because with, you know, the person I've always was, they got, they found his way back to the covers, when they, with the just my toenails hanging out, it was like that right over the covers like that. But, but, you look, with my family, what a good, just amazing movie on something that just, you only got to really pay attention to it. It's just every time you look at Autobots, let's roll. Right. Dominos just got here. You know, oh my, yeah. So, I was okay with going to have 45,000, my man, 45,000 points. That's how I act, you know, I talk like that, you know, I mean, one shot, one point, 45,000 to me.

55:09So, how many of Jordan have I had 60,000 in one layup? You know what I'm saying? But those are type things that help you, you're me surprised, you know, that helps. The number of things that help me, I went, you know, my elders talked to me like that, then, man, did you, I know you missed it. But, did you see it though? Ooh, it was a nice mess. You know, you laughing on the way home eating ice cream. You know, you wanted, you was best bothered to hold your breath the whole way home, but with jokes and stuff, being able to handle it. And you know, it's coming from a great place because, you know, your family, your friends, you know, it's the community, you know, you, you know, you are, you know, who you attract. And people you surround yourself very pretty much, you know, with, you know, discernment and your home intuition, people that's similar to you. And you, you kind of raise in the Christian back home in church.

56:10My mother had 20 brothers and sisters, you know, my day had 10. We all lived in the same, but then five miles each out. They all went to the same church. Oh, damn. You know, so you told them all some, I'm like, goodness, you told them all come home. My gracious, they could. That's awesome though. Oh, they should have, man, it was a fun and shit in the world, man. Yeah. Oh, man, they shoved me, you know, they have a solo, the men's crown, the Eastern, you know, I was shoved, got a main coat on fake meank on, you open the back cup like pinky on Friday, open the back door slowly. The cry lady, no solos. He on bus, I'm gonna do a solo anyway, open the door nephew. So, you know, with the jokes and stuff like that, carried, you know, that, you know, I was raised onto the basketball court and then like, so I clicked the lap with, you know, the Paul Peres' and the bronze guys that grew up in Canhandle, you know, giving

57:11somebody 45 points and then dunking on them and they're like, oh, man, I dunked on your head and then make you feel good about it and then you're like, oh, but what happened when I obviously made you fall was not like, don't show that clip you trying to embarrass me. You know what I'm saying? I'm sitting in laugh with the person you playing against. Like, you know, it ain't like I'm gonna fight you because you crossed me over and I'm just such a fierce competitor. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, after your time in the NBA, you go onto the D-league and then you go to China, I believe. When? Do things start to ramp up with substances in your life. You know what? I come back from China. What year is this? I'm not sure. I want to shoot that. I'm in 2013. I'm in 2013. I'm in 2013. Okay. I'm back from China. I got a son and I do it on the way. Like I said, I was, you know, I was like, give my home ready.

58:13I was, and it was like the biggest guy. This was the best times of my life having kids and being married. I just, and before that large family, everyone had, you know, kids, kids, kids. We always the same age. They raised us like brothers and sisters and we all slept and they were the same in each other houses. And part of this man and we, they always, we always the same age. And all the men in my family on both sides, my cousins, everyone, my friends, they all were one woman men. They were the same girls from middle school, high school, married their first loves. So when I would come home in the summertime and stuff, you know, and God says the man who finds a wife, finds, you know, finds a good thing, you know. And so I, that was the thing that was something on my mind more just as winning the more than winning the championship, you know, I'm going to find a family and wife.

59:16I was my still on the court side and chair for me and they were like, you know, come out there and shoot the basketball with the jersey on. Like I envisioned that for myself, you know, I see you think about that and let them grade, you know. So that being said, I had that now. So I was like, you know, on top of the world. I was dramatic. You know, me and my wife at the time, we were both super dramatic. You baby needs a pamper. Call your agent. Like saying, I'm, I'm, you're going to have to renegotiate the deal. You know, I'm saying pamper and stuff. Call Nike, see if they can get sponsorships in here. It's my turn to change the pamper. So yeah, it was like, you know, super dramatic with both of us with dramatic, with the kid having the kids, you know.

1:00:20So you know, I was just saying that because there was like, I could have played, you know, I probably still can go back and play if I chose to. It's like a choice in life at this time. That's when people say, man, you should get out of there playing. You know, it's not like, man, I should think about it. I wonder if I can still do it. You know, it's been a choice to do something different in life. You know, not that you can't do it. You know, it's like, man, I don't know, you know, Tom Brady can, or Aaron Rogers want to continue to play. I'm pretty sure he could have chose to retire 10 years ago if he wanted to. You know, some people say, man, I ain't, you know, some of the time, you'd be out on vacation somewhere and everybody. You know, training camp coming up next week, you'll write this. You know what? Maybe we need to talk tonight. You know, you ain't trying to lead a beat. You like this. What you think about us taking the year off and going to Africa.

1:01:20You're right for my baby. You know, you take your ass back to the, you know, I'm about to ride town already. I get a bit of bombs, ski-dose, but maybe in two more years we're doing it. I bet. You know, so it's more like your career, your basketball is not bigger than with your with your wife's. And that's when life, you know, that's the, the growth of life. That's the beauty of God. You know, when you're children, when your child has to say about your career, it's important just as much as what your age and has to say. Now, down think we, you know, I don't think you should go to that team. I like it in Florida. I don't want to go to over there. And you know, it could be a difference in 50 million dollars, but you can't, once the continued school here, hey, man, you know, it's a family decision. You know, about the money. So making it all makes sense, bringing it full circle, you know, I'm consciously

1:02:20celebrating. Not retirement, but I'm not even thinking about basketball. I'm just like, man, this and everything in celebration is like, man, we're all the same. You know, everything is, you know, a sick guy in the coronavirus on the back porch, but this is not, nothing to do with addiction. This, I have something to do with Tim Behrman, House of Band of Pools in the back yard on the ocean. You know, it looks good with a corona. You know, you don't catch me in some time like this, yeah, man, you know what I'm saying? Get the young boy, got me a young man, bein' nowhere near anyone. You know, we're going to code Nike tomorrow. So you're just chilling. Yeah, yeah. I think I was saying earlier. I was just out, I'm going to just, that's a great day. Just going to restock the bar. You know, I grabbed like a box of, you know, different flaved, different type of con yaks and bockers and stuff. You know, bottles that look good, like, you know, decoration, like I put these by my back. We got low since last weekend. And I remember I was just sitting in there and I had the box and guys, you know, there

1:03:23was a lot of people at the liquor store this day. And I was rapping there, everybody had the box and it was like dappin' and yeah, man, they're boomin' and man, we tellin' my boy, I got it rolling and I'm tellin' my, yeah, I heard you had the stun and you had kids, you back home. I was like, let me sit the box back down in the car and I grabbed one of the bottles and I'm like, yeah, give me your cup, nesting it. We was all, I was headin' with some older guys, people I'm just meeting. You know, guys, everybody's standing in the parking lot and people have all ages. And I remember just like, I got to do a point where I was like, you know, in this one day, you know what I mean? Like, nice, warm day, you know, how many cups of con yaks before you just like dappin'. Yeah, man, let me sit down for a minute, like that. I'm like, I'm gonna be like, hold on, man, I'm like, I just realized I'm drunk. You know what I'm sayin'? And you are this sittin' in and you sitting on the curb.

1:04:24Like, oh, like, one of the old guys, you know, you got the whole swag. You know, you got a brand new Mercedes-Benz Range Rolls sitting in and you sit on the salad. Yeah, man, life is rough, it's fuzzies. Tapein' like conversations like that and everybody, you know, it's supposed to bend. I don't think I'm the only husband that's supposed to bring the liquor and the beer's back to the barbecue. Yeah. And I just sitin' out there like this and I don't know, I don't know, you know, it was came to roll and it was a joint and then it was like, nah, I don't, you know what I'm sayin'? Nah, this is somethin' else. I mean, it was like, man, let me see that jump. Like, boom, and then, like, then next day, I think it was like that. It was like, it was there, right away. I was like, but then, you know, I had to get this number, get them call you man. And then it was like, my man couldn't go without thinking about their feeling.

1:05:25And, you know, yeah, you can get some more of that special thing. It was like, oh, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Then all of a sudden, I was at Luck in the Real, it was then a week's time, I was trying to find what I tried. And, like, you know, you stay somewhere long enough, it was just that one area. It became, like, I took something home mentally from that store that day. You know what I'm sayin'? I took up, I left with somethin', I thought of a feeling to increase that in 40. It wasn't like I was running from somethin'. You know, I tried somethin', but that wasn't that led to it. And, you know, my mom's always tellin' me, you know, certain things is a gateway drug. You know? It happened the day. It might not take them all. It might be 10 years down the line, but, you know, it's gon' lead to other things. She would tell me, it is youth, you know, I used to smoke me when I was in fourth grade.

1:06:26You know, my kids in the middle school, I was selling weed in fourth grade. I mean, like, that was a big deal. I mean, you know. And, like, I mean, I ain't talkin' about like some shit, you know, like a movie like, I'm, you know, running, you know. I was full grade, I was running packs across the board. You know, we have little nickel bag or somethin', you know. And, it's rolling it out. Oh, you messed the blind up, man. You're cranking, it was still, you know, that type of stuff, you know. But, um... Just progressed. Yeah, man. Yeah. I always told myself I was like, dude, it's not gonna happen to me. I could try, I could try an ice-dew oxy-cotton. Mm-hmm. Ocees. The 80s. Oh, man, he's a love that shit. The Obyans, Obya Pills and Shit. And then I was always like, that shit's not gonna happen to me. I'm just gonna do Vike it in. In the midst of the weaker ones. Mm-hmm. And then eventually those became not enough. Yeah, that's what it meant. And then perks.

1:07:26And then fuckin' Ocees. And then fent-pressed pills. Right then, line, I always told myself it's not gonna happen to me. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. Right. And then, like we talked about before, and like you said, that the liquor store 10 years just goes by. Just like that. It's scary. It's gross. And once I didn't know, it was, I guess the guy showed me, was like, this is the evening of the name. You know, I'm like, you know, it was something and something mixed. And I was like, this man, but that little taste of something else is when it took my celebration to another level of what I was celebrating in life. Man, everything's a man. We got the candy. It was like that. Oh, man, or the kids, put the kids down. You know, let me try my special thing again. You know, then Vensha, I was like, it took one time for me to say,

1:08:26I wanna try that without the mix. I want that by itself. No one can handle me. No, I said, it wasn't nothing that I was, I said, let me try that. And then people, no, man, but you know, you wanna do that? I know what I'm doing. Went down and did that. 10 years ago. And there's no going back. Once you go to that one substance without the other substance, you were just talking about. It's a very hard to go back. Right, right. You can't. Attics, alcoholics, people who struggle with addiction, mental health, it's obsessive compulsivity. Like you said, I'm gonna put the kid down, then I'm gonna go do that. Like that was my look forward to moment every single time. Right, like you always, like a reward system first. Then you start saying, you know, every,

1:09:26the substance start convincing you to circumvent yourself. Start simplifying things, you know? I don't need to do this thing, then go. I was almost like going from hiding smoking and smoking in a joint when you were younger in the woods. And no, man, you ever know about it? Nobody knows. I got washed my hand by a zine to the light sitting down where as you'd like, you can sit and say, man, I'm 21 years old. I can have a beer if I would like to. I'm gonna go hide in the woods. Sneaker belt, the cooler. Me and my cousin go with the family. You ain't go has sneaker half a beer. I'm 21 years old. I drink my beer here, you know? These cows just like that. Man, I ain't about to do all that and go get a hotel and then go hide and turn the shower on and then do those drugs over here. Nobody ever know I did. You know, eventually you say, man, I ain't just doing my drugs right here. My fact, this would be my home right here. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, when you're like, when you get your substance

1:10:28of choice and you do it and the reward system that we were just talking about, and then that was my celebration. I had my own little ritual celebration with my drug of choice. Yeah. And it was for me, it was like you just talked about being cozy in that bed with the one leg out. That was that place for me. You know what I'm saying? That was my ritual when I was getting high. So I don't wanna go into it because I don't wanna talk about like salacious details by any means. But there was a video that went viral in the beginning of COVID. And I wanna start by saying, dude, you look completely different. Mm-hmm. Like you got the glow in your eyes. You got the sober glow in your eyes. I love that. Yeah. And it's amazing. Like what sobriety can do for people. But you being on a big stage, playing basketball professionally, that video went mega viral.

1:11:30Yeah. What did that do for you? Did the guilt and did it bother you? Did it create guilt and shame? Did it, how did you get over that? First of all, the first thing I thought about, and the second thing, and the third thing, and the fourth thing, all day, every day, is how this is gonna lead to another thing. And the fourth thing, all day, every day, is how this is gonna lead to another score. You wouldn't believe, I know you do believe, you know. Having a hospital, bracing on. Just got out of jail, bracing. Just the bus just right over your foot. A hospital gown on.

1:12:32Somebody just gave me some food. Man, I was paying hands, somebody hand me some of your polies. Anything. Man, you know, I don't get how to drop my phone to the phone, drop. Did you see what happened to me? Casamode, that's like, that's like, man, you, that's in your man, just like damn, like I just had a good game. Like man, like, was any scouts in the audience, seeing it, like, you definitely going to the league now. You just had 40 and 20 and 20. And you just got, you just OD and flat land. You got on a hospital bracelet and the gown. Now they're gonna get you some drugs today. Man, they're gonna be like, just hit me a little extra. And you're like on the movie All About the Mengymins on Mike Gepst told,

1:13:34I asked you, he said, it's a good reason I can't go to jail today, welcome. I got a 50 million dollars right there in my wallet, right around the corner, right over in the bushes. And that's what you'd be seeing when you see somebody that's down with addiction, get arrested, why they be like that? They, you're stopping them from, it's not about after police. It's the same, you know, it's the same movement, you know, after police movement, it's called, I'm gonna say whatever I gotta say is a good reason I can't go to jail. I left my dope pipe in the bushes. He's not funny, man, but I'm spider-missing me. I'm the real spider-man. They open, let me take these handcuffs off me now. Man, they go got them city. Damn, you be sentient like that to the police. You, you were just going to ruin the whole Indy 500 with this.

1:14:36They are waiting for me to get there. You say anything, you like, when you know what I'm saying, put them cuss on this, it, you're, you know what I mean? Most of the time it's gonna be overnight stay, you know, you drug, I didn't touch the K-Tem public, but that's gonna be the long and each minute go by, like you can hit these seconds on the clock, tick, tick, tick. And all you think about is, get in the line. But even with that moment, like it's not like you're, and that's the crazy thing, it's like not your body. I know some substance is helped with drugs and stuff. You know, it actually affects the stomach, you know, but most of the time it's like, and I said like that, because you wouldn't believe, you know, you don't laugh and it's somebody else, but you know, you have to, you know, with humility humbleness, you have to be able to see your foolishness and be okay with it, you know, you know, one time, I served for dinner, we said,

1:15:39now in a certain age, I was like, man, I could say like, this man, I remember one time, man, I don't know, I was not like, no, I'm, soon I got to the bathroom though, pfft, you know, but one time is the most embarrassing thing. So I'm not making fun of glorifying the situations, but you know, when I look at videos of me on wrestling, I'm like, yeah, I'd be looking like people, like, oh man, that's tragic, how you look, I'd be like, oh my goodness, you wouldn't believe what I was thinking during that time. Look at this, my sick, and your mind, you think like, this might be my sexy, rest pose and everybody would be like, oh, he's a sexy gangster. You'd like to do it. Ah! It's crazy. The thoughts that we had, it's about like getting high again, like you just put the pipes of the fucking push behind me, I'm not getting, getting rest. Getting the rest of the day, you know?

1:16:39I got, I left $3, I know where I left them, coins, I should've peaked, I said, man, I had $5, and I said, man, look, somebody dropped two quarters at the time right there, beside the semilevel, right in the park on that, man, I ain't picking that up, I got $7, I'm bougie. You'd be on your way to the jail time, oh, I know what in quarters is. Well, damn, like you get ready, like, take over the world when you get out, you go, you back from going to get them quarters. Yeah. I know I should've gotten them quarters, you know? So you'd be surprised when they, you know, so your mind is like, you know, and you'd be, but the thing is, you know, putting the spurt to aspect on it, this is the part that, that's not funny. You know, you, the, the ritual, you know, how much your worshiping it, how much you, you know,

1:17:42how much you, you know, you become a, I don't, so worshiping yourself, damn it on, it's me, you know, Elbow's McGee, back in the building, back, baby, you know, just you become someone else. And it's so, it's like going to Neverland or being day carefree, man, we can just live in the TV. People say, you know, and then the manipulation, you know, you know, you say, you know, some might, you know, if you live eventually you're still, if you still you eventually care, you know, these, everything in the scriptures gotta tell you not to do. He says, you know, it's negotiable. A manipulator, a liar, you know, thief, you know, he said, hey, man, we're good, per-man, I smoked, but man, you know,

1:18:43you, um, start bearing false witness, you know, it's a scripture, it's something in the script, he says, many will come to me and say, in the end and say, did not do your work, did not cast out demons, did not pray, but not good. And though we'll say, flee from me, you evil doer, that sounds like me sitting again, I say, hey, young, you don't want to be like me, you know what I'm saying? You want to do the right thing. I need money for food. God bless you. Namaste. I see God in you, but I'm gonna stay right here. See, it's meant to be said a different way, but when you're not doing the right thing,

1:19:45it becomes something else. You don't even want to know, see it. It's not seeing, you remember, you know, it's not seeing evil. Maybe you start seeing, and hallucinating or is it dead? You know, while hallucinations start becoming real, your health starts becoming in front of you. It starts becoming a body language. You know, you're like moving in certain ways that's unrecognizable to the Lord, you know? And then but you always have some good advice for somebody else. That's like trying to cast out doing what I did. I do good work. That's not what, so when you put that, I mean, you can receive that for yourself. Then you might already know that, but you just now receiving it. So it's like breathing it like that's when Jesus is beginning,

1:20:50and now and forever. So the moment that you read it makes sense to you at that moment, and it becomes brand new again. It makes sense then. It makes sense now and is always going to make sense. So the moment you read it, you come to God, and He's going to be right there for you. I read this before, but today it makes, it's brand new to me. It's like dead, you know, I couldn't in the process, I was a sinner. We'd nice, we'd give us for our sins. Their sins over there. We'd be prayed and sinned for give us for hours. But when you read that again, you say, hey, all thinking, man, it's... And I did all the other stuff too. Then I said, right then, you're fed, I told, right to your face, and told them, you know I'm dead. You see what I'm saying? But it's okay though, because He knows this heart,

1:21:51and His love for you goes beyond our understanding. So the fact that you, you, you ascent at the same way to Him, same thing you said before, He know that He already knows. So I was knowing. Like you tell your kid, you know, you tell your child, my child, that's going to be a spelling homework. That's reading it again. I want you to study your spelling. You have a spelling test on Monday. Did you study your spelling words? Yeah, I looked at Him. I know. You know I talked to a teacher. They don't, they don't, they don't understand how parents talk and stuff like that. You can talk to the teacher. You know what he's supposed to do. What he's not supposed to do. And you tell him, yeah, I need to, I want you to spread a study for your spelling test. I looked on, yeah, I did. I want you to do it three times a day every day. I want you to write them a trace copy copy, trace copy copy.

1:22:52I want you to write them in cursor. I want you to write them in regular letter. I want you to read them to me. Then we're going to do a spelling test every day in the day. I got to do all that. But when that next Monday comes, and you can't, you did the whole way on the bus until you got there. And you get there. You like this man. What spelling test that wear that being ready, go me. B-b-b-b-b-b-b. See, when you, it's almost like, okay, let's pronounce it again. And you know, and that's where, in recovery, you know, you can't be harder on yourself. You have to love it lord for him sitting down doing your homework with you again. Monday you ran through it then first 10 years you yeah, yeah, I got I got Use time doesn't exist Because at this moment Is now if I can see him think about the past 10 years within a split second

1:23:58Then my next thought is Right now is this not connected my is if my you know Understand now the Lord you know his love is beyond understanding so it's hard for someone else to understand it But for me and just more I understand that Damn Like we said time just flew I'm in my mind and my spirit I process everything I could see exactly where I was at bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang and boom Now let's go by spelling let's do it again read the sentence again And took you 10 years stuttering with that one word Now just put that down and try to say it now Damn though it loves this Crazy I This time I got sober in February 2018. Yeah, I tried getting sober for 10 years I have the 10 year it's the 10 year thing man. Yeah, that fucks us. Yeah back in four

1:25:02I tried to get sober back and forth back and forth back and I would always the thought would pop in It's almost like the the studying for the test and fail like not doing what I learned right like all someone if I'm struggling Or if I get a thought or whatever it is for 10 years and I kept failing failing failing I 20 days sober this time sober. Yeah, and I had a thought and it turned into an urge and you know how we are with an urge Yeah I used to just Think I didn't give myself a chance and like in meetings in sobriety they teach us call someone call your sponsor call someone else in recovery Yeah Talk to someone and I picked up the phone and I talked to someone long story short I did what I was supposed to do and the thought just passed and I I lost that urge And I went to meetings and I talked about what I was going through and I surrounded myself with people in recovery Yeah, and I haven't had an urge like that since That's been eight and a half years, which is amazing. So

1:26:04Appreciate it. So segue into December 20th you have an interesting night. Yeah, and it leads to you Eventually ultimately getting sober. Yeah What was it this time That made you Approach things like the test that you studied for and change the next chapter in your life As you say you know what The therapy Be trusting You know work that just taking it one moment of time give me the chance Listening going to the classes the sobriety program going to the meetings You know listening to people like yourself at eight years My man got ten months this people is people, you know, I'm getting

1:27:05You know support overall right in the world man. He man. D. West one month sober. They like yeah, man look man Call me sometime you you know you get you know me you want the big things now, you know come in man You know and this and it's literally been like that and you know like in going to meetings You know it's a one month it's a celebration. Yeah, man. I you as you most I feel most Celebrating one week and going to You know groups and they means, you know celebration of being one week sober one more day sober You know, that's like when the gold of the plan for the Olympic team You know in them dead for people that's been through And you know what you've gone through All going through what you're going through, you know, based off how much time sober or just mentally Sparely, man. That's you know, it's different when you

1:28:07You know you struggle with substances and you talking to somebody who never done them You know, I never had to you know live their life You know saying head to fight you know, you say there's so many different things as far as we and we went over You know, it's more to thoughts the dreams the you know the You know the letting down of the families and your children's faces, you know, that's just well just one day They can have you be high for another two years. Just seeing you child look at you a certain way You know, there's so many different instances that happen. That's hard to Get past You know, you don't want to let it go because you need somebody know how much you know, you've hurt yourself And when the beast surrounded it with people that's saying it's Open surrounding you open arms saying, you know, I know

1:29:07You know, here's your twelfth step We on page four you want to you know, I want to share something Oh one time you know, I didn't like all right. All right. Yeah, we all three all did that All right page four no, they thankful to let me share And there's like oh man, you know, it feels like being in school again You know, it's like man. It was okay. I got you know, I got through that and um and Their Lord is amazing man because he's um He said every time you See yourself you should see him so how Can you say you don't know him and If he's with everybody you recognize God when you see him and with You know program AA and NA and rehab programs You know any anyone that's

1:30:08trying to Get you away from Someone just say even the guy that says that normally has it for you Says I'm not giving you this. I don't want to see you like this I'm not giving this to you no more. We'll get yourself together You gotta hear God in that moment And you can't hear you know in active addition as you ain't hearing nothing But you can't go to jail tonight That's something in the bus you're 50 million dollars But you can't go to jail because you got God. Yeah, that's why you can't go to jail today. But and the more you Everything starts to work together. So you know, you know, God is at work. He's surrounding you so many different ways And then once you start you know um Having time out for your God of your choice You know the active programs you're working Which includes taking the proper medications, you know being on time and showing up

1:31:15You know um putting you're all into going extra mile as if you were That same way you approaching the gym. I'm gonna get extra shots up. You know, I'm a standing gym all night You know, it's gonna be a part of my documentary. I'm being a gym all night. They gonna be man He was a legend. I'll be a legend in your recovery And that's what God wanted know because you want to do that Do that You know you want to see you want to see how tough you really are you know, sometimes you do drugs you become You the toughest out you you you become deep up You know you gotta start making a name before yourself. You say deep up. Yeah, I'm determined. I'm determined You know So you start realizing how tough you are you start being with a handle stop and you realize hey man. I got through that You know, they don't get no worse than that

1:32:18You know seeing hell every day You know, I'm seeing it. I'm seeing things, you know, you are a room talk about exactly what we saying You know, we can do a horror movie You don't understand when you see I look on that face on my say the horrid, you know scary movie channels Like go throw him. I say damn that was Monday Deadly Wednesday What's that in the basement part two? Hello You say come down here That was the Friday Dude you have been through hell and back. Yeah, and um, you know, I I want to say again I'm really proud of you dude. I really am and I know how it is even for us like you talked about going to meetings and when they celebrate When you get a month you have a day Dude they bring the house down in meetings Now gee this man is the best and for you to be here in front of me and the audience

1:33:19With 10 months coming up on a year of sobriety. Yeah, you are a miracle And you look like a completely different person. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, you are in your kids lives today Um, you were married twice right you're You're married now. Yeah, okay. I see you posting her all the time. Yeah, I'm assuming things are going great Yes indeed amazing man. God you restore You know have blessed me with You know three amazing wives in my life Kimmy Corrested him listen, you know That's some most amazing people have come in my life You know and none of us have like Um, I know Melissa by current wife for the month of 20 years. I matter when I first got the Boston I had drafted matter that night That day it's uh, and we've been like Just

1:34:20I know that was my wife when I met her. Each of you one of them like I found when I first time I seen on the decimal wife You know and they have been like You know, I'm a single one of them and um You know have been like you know My superstar my life had you know during those times it's still a lot, you know I um They need to know that you know Nothing was never wrong. Yes, you know I think it was my bad polarism Like I can tell you've done the work as you speak very highly of your Yeah for someone to speak very highly you are doing something right in subriding So Dude, I commend you. I want to thank you again really quick just yeah one fun quick question Okay, I have to ask So you've been sober 10 months. Yeah

1:35:20Who who are some of the people that have reached out to you like maybe old guys you played with That I've just connected with you that you've become close with again. You know it Everyone And I've met in my life This is now joke Even from PR play with the middle school my daily teams coaches that coach me or street ball when I was in sixth grade Um college teammates high school teammates friends I live in the neighborhood growing up people that Just from Merlin People that brush me playing just I was you know you got came to one of your high school games I was at you know y'all went through the finals I'm from everyone in Cleveland whole city Cleveland is rooting for you Hey, man, I mean, I was one of the ball boys on the dance team with the calves

1:36:21Seattle says what's going on? I was your teammate in Venezuela Hey, chunna says you know come back and play man. We all see your story You know Children Pop man hey, hey You know you send dollars for starbucks man. I was calling say man, you know You got on how you what you gonna do with them braids man, you know You got half and half you know that's a 50-50, you know, it's like damn these You know descriptions But I'm doing them Every years restored Things in ways that I never imagined everything And he took away from He took away from me something that was dangerous. I was playing with ain't did it ever so gently. They'd be finished with it

1:37:24And I mean, let me see that now, you know, that's a sharp object. Let me see you done playing the tools Okay, well, I'm taking where you keep hitting your thumb because that's as screw You guys use the screw guy you keep using a hammer you trying to bang a screw in you keep hitting your finger You know my dad as a carpenter the dead the matrix, you know, my brothers and siblings Uncle's aunties people that helped me and panhandling man, hey man you I'm going to be going man. I just stop by see all the time in front of Walmart Remember that one time you get the same eleven you was like man 20 you some food or $20 You were like man, you know You know, I mean you can I can tell That and the conversations and But they're saying You know

1:38:24And the response back and the changing the numbers That's the conversations It was like now. Let's do it again now. I you know, you know, you're man. You had this conversation with this person Now you reading and now You remember it and took you there. So you're there Now respond He brought up the whole scenario So it's almost like you getting a chance to do it now respond back to this person And you responded from where you ate How you and something about how you respond you respond how you should or you would have responded Spawned at that time even by saying I remember You know, but it's coming from A pureness in your heart So you know, is you're doing the will the will of God is being done and that's perfect in that moment

1:39:27He's restoring those relationships. He was storing things in the instant from that 10 years ago to right now 30 years of somebody saying I watch you your whole career and then Why's getting miss a game So if they somebody is that Followed you like that Then they just see you over the last 10 years There's got to be Like man look at this you know, not like look at this person, but that's got to be hurtful Now for him to restore 30 years But then just like that You know, I can't give nothing. I can't even there's no words to describe The feelings I felt at this moment. I don't know that the lower head You know, he is not Never left my side. He was with me then He was even closer to me when I was there times I was sitting in screaming tongue to myself in the woods You know, I know he was sitting right there beside me

1:40:28You're sitting in listening And I think he was waiting for me. Actually, he had to take me all the out in the woods So I can go and say what was bothering me You know, you have a lot of people that love you A lot of people that think of you and What you're doing and speaking up about your experience sharing your experience You have a big platform a lot of people follow you a lot of people look up to you And for you to give that back to help someone else speaks to where you're at today And I have nothing but respect for that because you're making the world a better place today So I appreciate it brother. Thank you so much for coming out and coming on. Thanks. I'm glad to be here, man Come back anytime, brother Yo next week you coming back Dude congratulations. Thank you again for coming on. Thanks. Yeah

1:41:31Push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that type performance loving Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com Your heart can tell you a lot about your health Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing and awareable So your vitals app now with heart rate variability can tell you when something is off And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push Here the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12 The features described are for wellness purposes only and not for medical use I phone 11 or later require based on Apple conducted study of heart rate accuracy august Visit apple.com slash apple watch series 12 Mr. President my company for me the explosion on our react on October 2 Causing massive water displacement and triggering the tsunami they all heat the blame all me Tom Cruise is digger donner center this mess and digger is gonna dig that From the director of bird man and the revenue

1:42:32What would happen if I stop doing you storm Free to get that's what with great power Comes great to nigh ability. I'm not the earth then digger see the tree long Only years October 2nd rated R under 17 out of mid without parent Fall never arrives all at once verse the air Then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other A jacket meets address a hoodie slips beneath a blazer An old cap finds a new scarf Because you don't simply step into the season You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall Find fall your way at Ross Hey, this is Kevin landing and you're listening to rise above in this podcast I talk with people who face life's toughest challenges addiction trauma anxiety depression And everything in between each guest shares their journey through dark times and the practical steps

1:43:36They took to rebuild their lives rise above isn't just about the struggles It's about the solutions you'll hear stories of resilience and recovery That won't inspire you to overcome your own challenges and take control of your life Tune in to rise above on apple podcast spotify youtube or wherever you get your podcasts And start your journey towards healing and growth