Amos 'n' Andy - Leroy's Oil Stock

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1:00Extra value meals are back. Sun rises, prices fall. Get a sausage McMuffin with egg or sausage egg and cheese, McGrittle's, small hot coffee and hash browns for just $6. Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. Andy, you know what that music say? Yes, I must say good health to all from Rexall. Eamus and Andy Schoell, written by Joe Conley and Bob Mosher, featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Jester Herston, June 4A, Jeff Alexander's music, yours truly, Harlow Wilcox, and starring radio's all-time favorites, Freeman Gossden and Charles Correll. Eamus and Andy.

2:04How do you do ladies and gentlemen? This is Freeman Gossden. You know, the final test of any product's worth is how far the manufacturer will go in backing it up. That's why my partner and I are so truly proud to be sponsored by the Rexall Drug Company. You see every Rexall drug product is sold under an unconditional money-back guarantee. That's right ladies and gentlemen, and there is no wrapping and mailing it to the Rexall laboratories. If any Rexall drug product doesn't give you the satisfaction you want, just return it to the store where you bought it, and your money will be cheerfully refunded no questions asked. Well, yesterday the Kingfish's brother-in-law, Lee Roy, arrived from South America. Right now it's dinner time, and the Kingfish, Sapphire, her mother, and Lee Roy are gathered around the table for a little welcome home dinner.

3:06Oh, Mama is so good to have Lee Roy back, ain't it? It's just like having the lamb return to the fold. Well, don't, huh? I'd say it's more like having our pigeon fly back to the rules. Come to the way he's eating there, I said a Vulture was back on the perch, huh? Now, let's not have no fights. Tell us about South America, Lee Roy. Well, the part I was in was delightful, but of course in the jungles there's some rather fierce tribes. They say you can get a shrunken head for $50. Well, from the looks of that pinheader you was, you must have got a hundred dollars job. Very funny. Look who's talking about hands. Why would that barheader use an elf juggeys? You look like an ostrich egg limb between two toad stools. Please, please, please folks, all is fighting is running with digestion.

4:06Oh, that's a shame, Lee Roy. Yes, sister dear. I wonder if I could have another piece of pie before I lose my appetite. Why, of course, Lee Roy, and I'll get the coffee, too. Yeah, and I'll help you, daughter. Say, brother, Lord, I wonder if you do me a favor. No, what you want, goof? Well, I took the liberty of giving the large hall is my forward in address when I left South America. And if any letters come, would you turn them over to me? I'll turn them over to you. Tell me this. Why did you leave South America anyway? Well, the climate didn't agree with me. Oh, the climate didn't agree with you. When you got fired from that job in California, the climate didn't agree with you there. Always the climate don't agree with you. You better get over that. I guarantee you when you pass us on, the climate ain't going to agree with you there. Neither of us. Say, king, fish, I dropped down to the lodge, huh? Oh, excuse me. I didn't know you was reading the letter there. Oh, just letter. Oh, yeah, well, the thing just come to the lodge hall this morning, and it's addressed to my brother, and Lord Lee Roy.

5:11Funny thing happened to me, and it, I think there's open army accidental here. What you mean accidental? Well, and my pencil was a little dull there, so I started to sharpened it lead by running the thing back and forth. You know, on the end of the open, the pencil kind of flipped under the flap, and between the rubbin' and the flippin' into flappin' why I wound up with loose musilies all over the place. Oh, well, that's a shame. What did the letter say? Well, that said, after all the trouble I went to accidentally open and Lee Roy's letter, they were sneaking up to write the thing in the foreign language. Yeah, look at all the things that I'm talking about. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, the letter, they were sneaking up to write the thing in the foreign language. Yeah, look at all them words on that Spanish ain't it? Yeah, you know what a Spanish ain't? Well, not much. All I assure is that Buenos Aires means goodbye, and thank you means mutual grape nuts or something like that. The widmen entered as a word there, right between them two long ones.

6:11P-E-S-O, that's P-E-S-O. Yeah, that's Spanish for peasants. Oh, no, Andy, you were thinking of Pyson. I thought he was the president of Argentine. Oh, no, that's P-E-On! Oh, P-E-On, yeah. That's Sam P-E-On, yeah. This word, P-E-S-O, that is Spanish on one end, is you sure? And that is the one word I know is never language. P-E-S-O, that's like an American book. One of the different is that P-E-S-O got a picture of Xavier II got on it, I think. Look there at the headin' on the letter. They got an oil well printed up there. Yeah, and I tell you something, boy, and so the American letter, when you find the oil well in the world, P-E-S-O together, you know you as a boat eat high on the enchilada. We gotta get this thing translated. How we gon' translate this mess here? Well, there's that old Spanish American dictionary around that brother Thompson used during the war to prove that he was a alien.

7:13Yeah, remember that the poor fellow was still hot in Viva La Guadalupe when he took him away. Yeah, I was just thinking, King Fish. I used to go with a gal named Chiquita. She was brung up in Cuba and she can really talk Spanish. Well, that's fine, isn't it? We could take the letter over to her and have her translate the thing. I knew this letter means big money for us, do I know that? Well, the only thing is, I ain't see Chiquita for a couple of years. We had a little lovers quarrel. At a party, she was playing Bessamé Mucho on her mandolin and I'd unslip my arm around another gal. Oh, and she's seated, huh? Yeah, and what a performer. Without missing the beat, she'd unbessaméed me over the top of the head with that mandolin. Oh, you're right. What you doing here in your bedroom? Just walking up Masuke's mama. Oh, you afraid George might get into it again, huh? Yes, mama. After all, when I got back from that last trip, the dirty crew coming here and swiped all that perfume

8:15I smogled in from Mexico. Well, I'm telling you, Nali Roy, if he'd pulled anything like that, I'd be happy to see you. I'm telling you, Nali Roy, if he'd pulled anything like that, this time he's gonna wind up wearing a naughty pine suit suit and he ain't gonna be a no-butad-shitter bug either. Good evening. This is your ex-all family druger, speaking to you for the 10,000 independent druggers to have made the word Rexall part of our own store names, and who recommend and sell the 2000 or more products made by the Rexall drug company. Rexall Imy31, America's all-purpose antiseptic is a good example. Tangy, amber-colored, Rexall Imy31 kills contacted germs in seconds, yet will not harm delicate membranes of the mouth and throat.

9:16That's why it serves with equal effectiveness as a mouthwash, gargle, breath deodorant, or general household antiseptic. And you get a full pint at the same price as other brands of smaller quantity. Ask for Imy31 at Rexall drug stores everywhere. Well, King Fish, here's to Kedas apartment. Yeah, well, now here's the thing. Get her to translate to let-and. You think she's still mad as you? Mad at me? Huh. King Fish, I as irresistible. I as the woman like Vigorol is to a droopy petunia. Yeah, well, I'm not going to do it. Now, remember, and it don't be blunt. Bring up the letter in a diplomatic way. Don't worry, I'll smooch around to it. Yeah. Chakita, my darling. And the UP! You know, I got our idea that petunia is getting her Vigorol

10:18from another gardener. Ah! Wait a minute, let me try this again. What you want, Andy Brown? I tell you, two years ago, I never want to see you again. Yeah, but Chakita, I don't come up here to apologize. Oh, that's different. Come in. Thank you, Chakita. Uh, this is my friend, Mr. Stevens. Well, you're not a Stevens, are you? And how are you, sir? Who must be of his mind? Thank you, I feel fine, yeah. Tell me this, is you still mad at me, Chakita? Well, a little bit, maybe. Well, how much a little bit, honey, baby doll. Oh, a very little bit, my cute little cockroach. Now you're talking, my little Spanish onion. Oh, Andy! Oh, Andy! Say, uh, Andy.

11:19Yeah, Kingfay? Deletta. Uh, what letter was that? Uh, Tequila, I wonder if you would, uh, use your big fat cougar right here just a minute. Come on over here, cougar, come here. Okay. Now listen to your dummy, we come over here to get Deletta translated. Yeah, but when she starts ticky-ticking me, uh... I just thought, remember how it was before she'd come to me with that man, Lynn. Oh, man, go back there and keep your mind on the business. Be diplomatic about your letter. Okay, come on. Uh, Chakita. Yes, Andy. I would do anything in the world for you. And I would do anything in the world for you? Good, translate this letter. Diplomatic, holy mackerel, I think we got another Viscincule in our hand, yeah. Oh, you once did a translate letter, I see. That is why you make up with me. I think I will go get the mandolin. No, no, no, don't do that. Oh, no, Chakita, wait a minute, wait a minute. Who would ever say that? Yeah, when I mentioned I was coming up to see you, see, my friend here asked me if you'd do a favor and translate the letter.

12:22Special after I told him how sweet you was, my little tortilla. That is different. I would rather than the darling, I will translate. Yeah, here's another ratio. What do you do to Miss Say? I'll read that to her later. Yes, let me see here. Mr. Leroy Smith, we know that his actions and the national component of the tower have the value of 10,000 pesos. Is he a great diction, I mean, sin? Yeah, and get a lot of that cover, too. If you don't send the certificates of actions, we will send it to you in the following way, and we will respond to the information of Chakita. What do you think is the best service ever? I don't know what that means, but it was anything like a sound. I don't know how they let it get through the mail. I don't mind that, Andy, but what do that whole mess mean to kill? Tell me about that, what do you mean? Well, it seems, Mr. Leroy, she is very lucky.

13:22She buy himself some no good stock for full 300 pesos. Now, boom, one, two, three, four, I will, she come in. Now the company, she want to pay her 10,000 pesos for the stock. 10,000 pesos, what do you mean? How much is that? It's a cool American cake. Oh, $34,000, maybe? Yeah, well, thanks a lot, Chakita. Oh, but Andy, I think you come up to see Chakita. You got so quick. Well, if we get another lot of wheel dropper on. I'm not a wheel of shit, I'm a wheel of shit. I'm a wheel of shit, I'm a wheel of shit. But I... Yeah, and the best thing to you, too. Man, that stock of Leroy is worth $4,000 and he don't know it. Now, I've got to find some way to get that way from him. And you say that he keeps the stock in his suit, kid. Huh? Tell me, son, can't you just lift it out?

14:23No, no, Andy. The sneak keeps it locked. And he keeps the key pin to his long underwear. I can't get it. Well, if that's the case, maybe you could wait and get the key when it changes down to where. No, no, Andy. Who knows what may happen to the stock market by spring now? Well, maybe you could... How are you, boy? How are you? Well, Al Gunkman, Jack Al Hoon. What does you do in coming in here with your head down like that and dragging and... ...been so sad, boy? Oh, it's a sad day for me, boy. A sad day. I just come from the funeral of my first cousin, Cedoo. Oh, yeah, Cedoo. You're the one that's capping to the fish, Troll, Andy. Yeah. What happened to him? Well, he was loading a big catch and my cousin was wagging down in the hole. All of a sudden the net broke and pulled the adore was buried under 500 tons of macro.

15:27Ah, 100 tons of macro. That's a sad thing, Ari. Yeah. There was a big turn out of the funeral, though. On the way to the cemetery, there was 400 in the possession. 400, huh? Yeah, 42 relatives. Toyota's easy choice sales event is on. Whether you're looking for the performance of a camera, the versatility of Arab 4, the efficiency of a Corolla, or all electric driving in the BZ, there's a Toyota that's just right for you. And with great deals across the lineup, now's the time to find yours. But hurry, these deals won't last long. Toyota's easy choice sales event and soon. We make it easy. Toyota, let's go places. Kitchen and bathroom professionals know what goes behind the tile matters. That's why trade pros trust fiber cement, party backer board, to keep tile firmly in place, resist cracking, and help block moisture. Chosen over 40 million kitchens and bathrooms, party backer board,

16:31what the best build on. Shop now at participating Home Depot, Lowe's, and floor into core stores. For more information, visit jameshardy.com slashhardybacker. 150 cents! Cats! That is too bad, but we got a big problem here ourselves. I'll go tell you something, I live in the dust. You see, I don't intercepted a letter from South America, and found out that my brother, Noel D. Roy, has got oil stock that's worth $4,000. Yeah, that's right, Calhoun and the Kingfisher is trying to figure out some way to give it away from the sea. Oil stock, huh? Well, this look like a simple case of petroleum pilferin. But the trouble is, though, Calhoun. Lowe's got the stock locked up with the key pin to his underwear. Yeah, what we're going to do, go to mess like that, and I'll explain something to his dad.

17:33Put the inside job, eh? Yeah, now let's see. If, uh, let's see, now, if you were to render that bar unconscious, then you could get it. Yeah, if I could render him on the car, yeah, I could do that, but, uh, wait a minute here. If I was in the room with that boy, when he was not, uh, no compost menace, uh, mama and salfa, I was going to know that I don't done the thing now. How I'm going to get out of the mess like that? Yeah, but, uh, if they didn't know you were in the room when you done that, if you wasn't in there, and they know that you wasn't in there, when you got knocked unconscious, then then it wouldn't say you done it. Yeah, yeah, I don't figure that out. I see what you mean there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I've got to do in other words is to figure some way to knock out Leroy when I ate in the room. Yeah, that's a great idea, Calhoun. Yeah, me and Andy are going to work out of it. Yeah, yeah, you know these oil is fast-latin things though, King's being. You know something about oil?

18:33Oh, yeah, yeah. A couple of years ago, I put some money in one. You know? Yeah, we went all the way down to Texas. Uh-huh. And the geologist said we had the greatest spot in the world. Oh, you did, huh? Yeah, then we got the most expensive equipment we could get and started drilling. On the first of the month, we was five thousand feet down. About a 15th, we was 10 thousand feet down. About a 25th, we was 15 thousand feet down. We was all set. The oil truck was standing by. The oil company was there with the checks. And then, all January at the first, it'd come up out of that hole. Oil? No, just to go for it. Oh, no! Now, let's listen in on our Rexall family drugist and a lady customer.

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20:35Yeah. Must I put the horseshoe into? No, no, Andy. Don't put no horseshoe into there. And enough room with the brass knuckles. Yeah. I listen. You think this is going to work and we're going to be able to get that key away from your brother-in-law? Well, Andy, he's on as we overheard to the Lord's house. I'm going to get the key. I'm going to get the key. I'm going to get the key. I'm going to get the key. I'm going to get the key. I'm going to get the key. And he's on as we overheard to the Lord's hall now. Now, we've done hung these drapes across the back of the closet here, you see? Yeah. And you want me to be behind a drape with the boxing glove on. Yeah, that is right. Now, if this little idea of mine works out, we shouldn't have no trouble getting him to come in the closet. Yeah, but keep it. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Here's somebody coming down the hall. Yeah. That must be him now. And he's getting the closet quick. Okay, that's it. Yeah, let me get down on the floor here now. I hope this thing works. Oh, do do do do do do do. Say, King Fischer, come on, Ash. Well, brother-in-law, what is you doing squatting in the middle of the floor there with that Turkish towel around your head?

21:37Well, what are you doing? I was meditating. All of us yogis meditating at least two, three hours a day. You is a yogi? Yeah, took it up a month ago. Studying the stuff by mail. Just got my squad of certificates only last week. Well, I didn't know it had yogis in this country. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's a big thing. Now, really catching on. They even come out with a spike con to a chair for watching television. This meditate is really the thing, though. Well, how did it work? Well, you just sit on the floor like this with your eyes closed, tell the thought hit you. Oh, it's a wonderful experience. Well, I'd like to try. Mind if I join your King Fischer? Join me. Hey, take it easy, Dad Goofy. You can't have two yogis sitting around meditating in the same room. It's against the law of the National Retail Yogis Association. Oh, I see. Who was saying, oh, law against you going in there saying, meditating in that empty closet right there?

22:39In the closet? Yeah. Oh, that's a good idea. Show me what it does, King Fischer. All right, come on over here. I show you here. Now, I'll open the closet, you know. Now, you see there? Now, you just squat down down the floor and you meditate in the dark. Well, you think a thought will hit me? Well, you'd be a new editor. It wouldn't be a surprise when I'm didn't hit you right off the bat, yeah. You'll be in a trance in no time, boy. Oh, let me in here. This is fun. Yeah, now, I think all the worn you, Dolly Roy, that if you come out of the trance and find a few bruises on yourself, don't let it worry you. We've been getting some pretty powerful thoughts round you, Dolly. That happens to be in a good reception area, you see? Beans? Oh, yeah, yeah. A lot of yogis got a squat round with aerials on top of the head, because they are in the fringe area, you see. And I sit down to that ass right there, right in front of the curtain. There you are. Everything is all set. I say everything is all set.

23:39Now, I'll close the door and you start meditating. Hmm, what a goof. This is some set up. Oh, that was Andrew, let him have a tutor curtain. I'll get it in there and get that key. Hello, brother-in-law. Something wrong? Hmm. Thought it didn't hit you yet, huh? I don't know. I bent my head down to meditating, something caught me on the back of the head. Facing the wrong way, that's the trouble, yeah. Listen, don't you know that every genuine yogi always meditates, facing the mysterious east, with the point of his chin up into air. Like this, King Fee. That's all moves, right? Cock your head a little more. Up with your chin there, live it up a little more there. Now hold it right there. That's a nice, meditate angle. Oh, oh, the thought can't miss this way, huh? King Fee. Yeah, up the day's the windman does. Don't fool your arms, caution stomach like that now. Wait a minute, not fool your arm. After all, you never know when a thought might want to catch you in the solar plexus, you know.

24:39Is this better? Yeah, that's it. Now, keep yourself wide open for everything. I don't know about this. Does you think a thought will really hit me this time? There wouldn't be surprises if you got a double thought there. The double thought? What is known in yogi circles as the old one too, you might get that even. Yeah, well, you all set that now? Yeah. Let it go. Hello, hope that ain't a reala let him have it this time. Hmm, hot dog. Let me get in there now. Oh, back again, brother Lord Dan. Yeah, uh, D'Roy, don't tell me the thought didn't hit you yet. Well, I'll tell you, King Fee. This is really fun. While I was sitting there with Machina up in the air, I felt the thought come at me from behind the curtain. No. I didn't feel it. I was quite ready for it yet. So I stepped back and sort of counterpunched idea. There's the thought with his feet sticking out from under the curtain there.

25:40Yeah. Well, Lord Dan, what is you up to? Well, I ain't up to nothing, D'Roy, dear. Oh, yank. Well, I think I'll tell mom about this little game you taught me. She and Sapphire oughta get a big kick out of it. Hmm, tell mom and I'll wait a minute. I'll listen. Don't do that. Whatever you do. Don't go back down and tell you mom or nothing. Now, look, I'll tell you the truth, D'Roy. Actual hours trying to get your suit-key's key that you got pinned to your underwear. That's the truth. Well, King Fist is nothing in my suitcase. This trip is worth anything except my oil stock. Oh, so that's what you're is after. Well, you see, Leroy, I didn't want to trouble you, Nung. So you see, I was going to take the sock and I was going to pay you for it later. Yeah, that's what I was going to do, Leroy. Well, I want to hold on to them, Stas King Fisch, paid for $100 from the man said in one of these days they was going real hardwell on the property. And it might be worth a lot more. He said he let me know when it reals. Well, Leroy, you ain't heard nothing from him. Probably got a dry hole with a dusty gulf and all that stuff down there.

26:42But if the stock ain't in no good, King Fisch, why did you want him? Well, you know our big business man with a lot of holdings and tax rate also and all that stuff. Tell you what I do, I'll give you $200 bucks for him. I'd sell him for $400, brother-in-law, dear. Well, I'll give you $250. I think I'll go home and tell mama about playing Yogi. So over $400, sir. Now look, Leroy, give me a hand and help me pick up that big fat idea off the floor. Will you come over here? Yeah, Emmer's, I don't give the King Fisch $200. And he put up $200 and we want to get the stock away from his brother-in-law. Yeah, but wait a minute. And that stock is worth a lot of money. You say the stock is really worth $4,000. That's right. I'm going to tell you an old fan of us, everybody. You and the King Fisch ain't got no right to do a thing like this to Leroy? Oh, what you talking about. You know the old sand, what you don't know won't hurt you? Well, right now Leroy ain't feeling no pain.

27:42Well, I just don't think a fella should pull a stunt like that on his own brother-in-law like the King Fisch is doing. I tell you, there's going to be fireworks to sapphire and a mama find out about this, too. Oh, there ain't going to be no trouble. Listen, the King Fisch has got the old Fisch's transforced papers and everything else. And if ain't often, he gets to pull a crooked deal like this on such a legit or at-basin. Man, this is really crooked though. The King Fisch opened in that letter addressed to Leroy and then telling him that a stock is ain't no good and he knows it's worth $4,000. And, oh, Leroy bought that stock in the first place. That was his win for. Uh, win for? Well, women, look at it this way, Amos. The King Fisch ain't so much jippin' him as he is keeping the breeze off of him. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Well, here you are, Leroy. $400 cash. Yeah, brother-in-law, and here's the oil stock. Yeah, now you just signed this little transfer here.

28:42That's it right there. And that makes this stock officially in my name as of now. Well, all right, King Fisch. But I still don't see why you want this Whittlestouth American oil stock. I know it ain't no good. Ha, ha, ha. It's so happened that I'd unopened the letter that was addressed to you that said that the stock is worth $4,000, so I know it's good. And I know it ain't no good, King Fisch, because it's so happens that I read the letter before I left South America. Now where are you? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Fight coughs from colds to ways. Take rexol cherosote. Yes, ruby red cherosote. Su-seritated membranes of the throat and bronchiotubes helps to quiet and loosen coughs. See your doctor about the cough that hangs on. Meanwhile, keep cherosote in the family medicine chest.

29:42Ask for it at rexol drug stores everywhere. The store with the orange and blue sign in the window. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, and don't forget to visit your rexol family drugstore often. And above all, don't forget to exercise your privilege as an American citizen and vote. Thank you and good night. See you next Sunday. Women pine for men who go stag. Go stag, you mean... Exactly. Stag brushless shave cream. No fuss, no ruby, and just smooth it on for a quick close, no scrape shaving. Leaves your face feeling smooth and refreshed all day long. That stag brushless shave cream. Hey, from now on I go stag. Yes, women pine for men who go stag. Be sure to be with us next week at the same time.

30:42Next Sunday when your rexol drugstore again presents the Amazon Andy show, directed by Cliff Howell. Stay tuned for the Edgar Bergen Charlemacarthy program, which follows immediately over most of these same stations. This is the CBS Radio Network.