#582 - Text Steff, Chasing the Nightcap and Nuance from the Gaps

0:00Before you start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Alice and John. If you head over to patreon.com slash Alice and John, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including Minion and Bix. It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump. Birdwatching. Right, you'll figure things a bird's a foot one. And you can watch our latest episode now where we tackle an escape room. So John is absolutely flying here. Well Alice is there as well. And this is where as well. I think it's your first three days, you complete chill. So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com slash Alice and John now. Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life.

1:00That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what growth therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works covered by insurance. Sessions average $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the US, offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as $0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash a cast. That's growtherapy.com slash a cast. Growtherapy.com slash a cast. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Welcome back, frickin' freck. Welcome to the jungle.

2:03ABC tonight. Abbott is back. It's gonna be the best year yet. Thank you. Now we can finally turn this up. And everyone's going wild. You don't think you run this school, but you don't. It's going great. Abbott Elementary. Anything can happen in the jungle. Freck, guys. Season premier tonight on ABC and stream next day on Hulu. Hello, welcome to this latest episode of Ellison John. Thank you very much for downloading. And slightly different from the usual, because we're all recording at home. Dave is in his study on his normal laptop camera, John's in his living room on his normal laptop

3:06camera. And I'm in my study on what could only be described as Hollywood level visuals. You look like you're being filmed by Roger Deacons. Yeah. For a Christopher Nolan film. A man who solely talks about the Europa League from his study. And people are suspicious that Nolan can't pull it off. Yeah, he works up this. Yeah. Yeah. People are wondering what the middle and the end of the film is and the story arc will be. But you'll come up with it. But this is what the visuals of the film will look like. Yeah. So you're quite a, you're a very humble man. But just every now and then there's just a glint in the eye of knowing that you look absolutely sensational. No, you came onto this call. You went, yeah, this is quite good, actually, isn't it? And when Ellison says, yeah, it's quite good. Actually, that's what Ellison really means is, yeah, it's bloody amazing how great I look. It's for the visuals on the social distance sports bar. So why is it being used here

4:11with pasting John and flat Dave? Because this is now my setup. So I just use your camera and look awful. Yeah. This isn't fair. Well, I'm afraid I believe in this podcast and I knew we were recorded from home today. And so I thought I'd use my nice posh setup with my nice posh lights. My new mic as well. I've got a new mic. So the audio is going to sound fantastic. So obviously, we're still primal in audio format. So Dave looked like we're on a like a zoom quiz in lockdown. Yeah. You do a bit and you look like, you look like a billionaire. I know. It's kind of like a tech pro. I don't like it. So what would you prefer? You'd prefer me to look like I'm doing a zoom quiz in lockdown as well. Yeah. So we're all the same. Just use your laptop camera. No. Immediately. No, I'm going to do that. Dave, make an order that Ellis has to look bad like us. Can you put like a bit of cling film over the camera or something? If you insist on continuing to

5:14use the camera, how do we make the camera worse? Why don't I put some cling film over my face like like I'm doing a back robbery. But I couldn't get access to a stocking. So I've just decided to distort my face with cling film. I could do that. I could put tin foil over my face if you wanted. If that was, if that was better. It's actually quite disturbing. It's like watching the Hobbit in 68 frames or whatever it was. Right. It's just, I don't know. I thought because obviously footage from this, from these recordings are going to make it onto the camera. They're going to make it onto the Ellis and John Instagram page. I thought you'd be pleased that I had a really good camera. But know your jealous that my camera is better than yours. So it's the politics of jealous, you John. Which looks like we're doing different things. And it's a race to the bottom. It's a race to the bottom. Why don't you go out and buy a better camera now, Will? We can start recording in an hour. How does that sit? I don't need one. Well, I do now. Yeah, there's a camera cost. I can't remember. God, this is a polydyn, all right. I don't know. Blimey. I mean, I can text

6:14Steph. If you want to me to text Steph, we bought a month ago. Do you want me to text Steph? Shall I do that by? Yes, text. Okay. Fine. Then I will. But anyway, how are you, John? I'm really sad now. Don't be sad. You're so outrageous. I'm happy for you, Ellis. It looks great. It's not a jealousy thing from me. It's more equality. Is it equality? Can, can, wrong equality, consistency thing for me, because, John is right. I mean, you are league's above now. Yeah, well, leagues above. I'll enjoy your race to the bottom day. I'm trying to drive standards on this podcast. Give him his a heads up a week ago. We could have got these little cameras. What are they gonna be like? 40 quid, 50 quid. Right. I'm sending the, I'm sending Steph the the message to us, Kim. But anyway, how are you both? Well, despite the high end setting of Ellis's camera, we are all recording from home,

7:16because I have found myself in a position I never thought I would be in, which is as Britain's leading spokesperson for intimate procedure journeys. Yeah. Yeah. I am. Yeah. If there's, if there's something, you know what, you're not a jockey. That's the thing. Sounds like a joke, but it's not a joke. Yeah. I'm recovering from yet another of my intimate procedures, which I'm collecting. And I was sort of, I texted you, I didn't really want to talk about it, but then I thought otherwise I've just got nothing to say, because I'm done. Well, you don't have to talk about it. Well, Ellis, some of us have a mission to look like a Hollywood Hong Kong camera. Others have a mission to break down barriers. Others have a mission to open up conversation where perhaps before there was taboo. Others. I'm not on that mission, by the way. No, no, no, you can say I shy away from that mission. Yeah, you want to be separated from your listenership in full. What is that 10k?

8:22What 100 million K? Yeah, yeah. Billion, really fast. I'm a second K. I am, you pixelated man on the street is trying to open up a free of Britain because the number of your penis. A little from Columnote. This, this week it was the, it was the turn of the old chap. To go through the rigour. I, because Dave spoke very eloquently actually, Ellis, because Dave also wants to break down barriers about his vast deference journey, which was severed, hacked, snapped. In order to make sure Dave didn't have any more kids. I have had a SNIP, but I've not had the SNIP. It's probably the way to put it. Okay. Yes. Some of our religious friends might have had it done.

9:28Yes, I didn't have it done for religious reasons. No, because your religion is queen. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Freddie Mercury was quite vague on whether he liked it or not. Yeah, he would take, he would have to entertain all styles. He made a preference, but he never made that public. No, no, no. Unless there were chords in his songs with his secret, is that what Tenement Funcestus about? I don't think that's what Tenement, well that wasn't written by Freddie, that was written by Roger. Sorry, sorry. There's a song called Don't Lose Your Head, but that was also written by Roger and that contains the lyric, don't drink and drive your car, don't get breathalyzed. Good advice, more responsible lyricism actually. It is actually, even though was about a film, the film Highlander, which is about being immortal, but you can only die if you get your head chopped off. Okay. But yeah, I imagine. Is it a string driven in Highlander? I can't

10:29remember. Oh, I would imagine so. Yeah. But not explicitly. So yeah, I've been putting it off for quite a few years because how to how to describe it. There will be a lot of people listening who've had this done. And probably even more listening who have been putting it off like I did. Barely, let's imagine the scene. You go into your local. W. Smith's. No, you go into your local, is it pretty green? Oh yeah, what the close shop? Yeah. Right. So you go into your local pretty green. And they have got the dream cougul. Yeah. Not only have they got the dream cougul, it is on author because it is going out of stock. It's the ceasing production of this cougul. Okay. I actually know the one I'm a man. Yeah. But anyway, that's it's 40% off at this. This bit is

11:30irrelevant to the metaphor, but I'm just putting it in your in your. You're a stiffed off 40% of your old. Yeah. No. So you're in pretty green. You found it. This is Valhalla. Yeah. You're a large. The cougul is a medium. Right. You try it on. Now I don't think it's an analogy works anymore. I think this is so many questions. I'm with you. So you try it on. So frustrating. The cuffs are just right. They're just riding up the forearm a bit. If you reach up to get, for example, a jar of sauce, it's going to come up to the elbow. When you lift up your arms, the waist it shows your belly button, but you have to have this cougul and it's 40% off. Do you risk never having the cougul or having the cougul, but the wrong size of this,

12:36always going to annoy you for the rest of your life. You're never ever going to forget that this cougul is slightly too small. See if you've had the cougul on for a few, since birth. Well, here's the metaphor. It doesn't quite stretch. The cougul was given to you by Christ. And you were just measured up wrong for your birth cougul. You started to grow out of it around the age of 13? I don't. I remember. But it's just all it's never quite. It's always been a bit too small for your body. So there comes a time where, and this is where the metaphor gets a little bit more troubling, after you've split your cougul a couple of times, I need to get this cougul seen too.

13:38It's not the summer, so you don't want to go with the nuclear option, taking your cougul off. Which ironically happens in the real world by making the cougul smaller. But in the metaphor, you get a bigger cougul. Oh, I'm confused now. You've got a bigger cougul. What coat get bigger when it gets smaller? But only the thing is, oh god. Where do we go? Where do we go from? I go from here. Yeah, ironically, I watched a documentary last night. This is horrible. That guy who was murdered, and they chopped off his tongue and his penis and his balls.

14:42Best to look to him. Awful. That to look for it in a big bin. So yeah, I had a medical circumcision earlier this week. And that's... I think it's very... It doesn't surprise me because I think you're very good at sharing. You're very good at sharing what's on in your life and the hurdles and challenges that come your way. And I do think I've got friends that in their early 40s, like 30s, Alice's, I wasn't sure, but I'll continue. I've got good friends that have also had that procedure done later in life. And I think it'd be really nice that on a podcast such as this one, we do talk about this stuff. I agree. I think we should discuss this stuff on air. Why is he smoking in such beautiful panor vision? Because I would love to know, and it's the only thing I can think I would love to know what pretty green top brass made of your analogy. But yes, you are excellent at discussing medical procedures and

15:47opening a conversation. Well, I'd rather not have to have the procedures. Yeah, of course. I've probably rather... I don't mean I don't care. Like I've told lots of people I know. There's nothing embarrassing about it, apart from the fact that it deals with the down-ballows. But also, I mean, the problem is I would have nothing to talk about, because it's literally all that's happened to me this week. Because you can't do a great deal for a few days afterwards, so I've been sort of resting up. And it's been an emotional journey. Yeah. Yeah. As it often is. As it often is. But you're up the other side now, emotions wise? I don't know. I mean, it sort of takes quite a long time for these things to heal up. My previous experience of an intimate procedure led to an awful lot of pain. So I was very, very prepped for a great deal of pain, which I think due to the skills of the

16:54surgeon have been avoided. I had no pain, really. Which is amazing. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Like, zero pain. And I know a lot of people who've had this done as well. And I spoke to the Lord's. As adults, yeah. So I spoke to them all in quite punishing detail. And they all said, yeah, it's quite a lot. But the only thing to worry about is when nature takes its course. Yes. And. Yes, this was my question in the night. And a friend who I won't name. Because you know, it's intimate stuff. But he did use the phrase crown of thorns quite a few times. So I was I was prepped and to absolutely terrified of that. Because it's nothing you can do about it. It's not there is no. There's probably some old wives tier. Like if you if you'd had some nettles or something at 10pm,

17:54that's probably going to prevent that kind of thing from happening. But you don't want to go into the realm of the of the old wives tale. No. So, um, but that for for whatever reason, I've not experienced pain in that scenario just sort of discomfort. Fantastic. Okay. And also join the club because as much as my procedure happened at the age of four, we are in the same club now, John. We know he's not enough to the balance. And this does need to be reflected on in, um, Well, why do you think I've got such a nice camera? This needs to be reflected on the the listings of significant productions now. Yeah. But we are in the majority of the shareholders, Dave. Yes. Yes. We've to change the contracts. We do need to change the contracts and unfortunately for you, Alice, the pay. Yeah. That's because Dave and I are streamlining. Yeah. Yeah. It's a seriousness. It will take a while getting used to optics wise.

18:55Won't it, John? Because how old are you? 43. 44. 44. You know, that's a long time having something apart of your body that looks a certain way. So it will be quite interesting. Is it a little startling still? Is you, is you glant the stout? No, is it? Is it all right? It's a bit like when they brought out the new design care sportage. Obviously, your first reaction is shock and disgust. Yeah. The trail. Why have I got a sportage in my pants? Yeah. However, over time you think those designers know what they're doing. I think they do. They do. They do. Baby is streamlined. This is a sportage fit for 2026. Yeah. And it's electric or certainly hybrid. So you can plug it in if you've got access to charging port at home. The Bluetooth is more reliable. Yes. They've not sacrificed boot space.

19:58And the lights are nice. I don't think of any more metaphors. It's more, it's now got a sunroof. Yeah. Good. So which have gone slightly out of fashion? The sunroof has gone out of fashion, isn't it? Yeah, I think that's because of the improvement in aircon. Yeah. But that's just cars that's not penises. But it is, yeah, it's odd to, I mean, it's odd. It's all odd. The whole thing is odd. But you need to do it. No, it's done. You need to do it. We go again. We go to Norwich more of the same. I hope more on the same. We don't want to do it again. We do not let this slip. I've got no tips because I can say I was. I can't believe you got the bell in your studio. Sounds like my love.

20:58I'm thinking. Yeah. Is it a candy? It's the way a sense of humour, didn't they? It's kept that fully intact. It's lovely to see. No, no advice. Just, are you going to be all right to dance with David nine days time? Is that okay? Yeah, Shangri-La. There's a few things in the diary. I mean, I spoke to someone who said, look, well, I spent two extremes. I spoke to somebody who said, they're going to tell you it's 24 to 48 hours before you're up and about take a week off. And I spoke to someone else who said, his empty regret was playing cricket the next day. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. So I've gone somewhere in between those two schools of thought. So I've taken like four days off. And I am dancing with Dave nine days after. Get it. How long are those? But he's like, can I? He's like, can I? A cricket box. Yes. I don't think I was going to be throwing anything at you.

21:59I do. Um, it's, uh, I, I, I, I tested one, we should bring you on in a wheelchair like a cabana redding in 1992. Now, should be okay by then. The one thing I really, really didn't like was having a general anaesthetic. I've not had a general anaesthetic since I was 22. And I kind of thought like, um, because you can do it local. But both people who are, who had known how it local said do not have local. It's just one of them said just have the general because it's anyway. I didn't like coming, coming round from it because it was like being drunk. And I found that very disturbing. I thought, of course. Yeah. Like part of me thought, hey, it's kind of like a bit of a free swing. And you get to be out of your head for a couple of hours. But then while I was actually in it, I was like, oh, this is awful. And I asked the nurse if I'd said anything racist. First thing I said. Because you say, apparently, say weird stuff.

23:01Come round and I said, hadn't said anything racist have I? Literally the first thing I said, well, odd concern to have. I've not had general anaesthetics since I was 13. I had lots of teeth out at Morrison Hospital in Swansea. I'd far too many teeth in my mouth. But they gave me a relaxing pill before I had the general anaesthetic. And I remember that being feeling like I was drunk. But I don't really remember the general anaesthetic very much. I remember a lovely nurse struck in my hair at the end, but I was saying anything to have. Yeah, but I would say anyone because I do know, I know people who need this done, who've put it off, who are just not having it. Just name names. Get it done. It's like, it's worrying. And you do worry. And it feel you feel very, very vulnerable. And you do feel like quite scared. But you know, this is, I mean, this is sort of as standard practice in America.

24:03Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think at a younger age, I also know people who feel very strongly against it for religious reasons. But this was just, this was nothing to do with that. This was just to protect one self from in general. Why was you caught 40% off in the analogy? That was just me. I don't know, I just added that. It's just you left bargain so much. Yeah, yeah. You introduced them to your analogies. But that's the situation. I've been in a clothing scenario quite a lot, where the one thing you want, there's, it's just everything's perfect apart from the size. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you're like, if I don't buy the wrong size, I'm not going to have the thing I want, but then the thing I want will forever be wrong.

25:05Guessing is for game shows, not your business. Workday is the Enterprise AI platform for HR, finance, and IT. With AI grounded in your context to get work done and done right. It's a new work day. Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applaud those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what growth therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0, depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the US, offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends.

26:08You can search by what matters. Like insurance, specialty, identity or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as $0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash a cast. That's growtherapy.com slash a cast. Growtherapy.com slash a cast. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Welcome back, Frick and Frick. Welcome to the jungle. ABC Tonight. Abbott is back. It's going to be the best year yet. Thank you. Now we can finally turn this up. And everyone's going wild. You don't think you run this school, but you got it. It's going great. Abbott Elementary. Anything can happen in the jungle. Frick. Guys. Season premiered tonight on ABC and stream next day on Hulu. Before we move on or as we move on, are we able to move on? Are you happy with that, John? Is that all good?

27:16Yeah. We have had an update from Ellis's Drunken Night Out from last Thursday. There's been before we move on. What's that got to do with my dick? No, it's not. No, I didn't mean before. I meant, come, wait, I just, it was. I would say. Are we all good? Are we all kind of happy? Yeah. It's got nothing to do with that. But someone has, we could do a rapid response unit from people who have questions about it because they're thinking, okay, they're getting it done. Yeah, okay. So there has been, there has been an update. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. A contribution. No, you're fine. I want this as long as I get to meet Johnny Marigan, I'm happy that I'm in my house. So Johnny Mar would have to be downstairs ready to come in. There's been an unsolicited contribution to, um, to last Thursday, Shenanigans from one of the people you were out with. So someone who you were enjoying your revelries with. And I wonder actually whether we should have a little guessing game, is to who you think has proactively decided to, to bring... Contact, I know.

28:16100% Hive, oh. What do you reckon, Alan? No, I think it's 100% dead gamble. Interesting. Ed often texts me about the podcast very soon after it's released. So I think he would have got in there quick. And I know for a fact that I've always slightly behind. I don't think it's light-length for it, because I don't think light-knows-I-do-a-podcast. And I don't think it was 4D either. I reckon my money's on Ed. Yeah, so to recap. No, no, you're all right. To recap, Alice came in on last Friday's record. We're recording this now on the following Wednesday. A little bit worse for where, due to some good friends that you would have a few pints with the night before. With people turning up at various points during the evening as well, right? This isn't an audience. This is not just some random stringent in the perv. I didn't say something awful to someone in the title. No, I mean, John's got it bang on. Ivo was on board. Oh, right. Ivo was on board with the content train that is Alice in John, and has contributed.

29:17It is lengthy, but it's not so really funny. So basically, we have a blow-by-blow account of Ivo Graham's evening that then obviously dovetails with your evening at a certain point as well, okay? So he sent a couple of things over from Voiceno because he is up to date, and he messaged me yesterday saying, I would like to offer my take on how the evening panned out. Two things I can guarantee about this message. One, it will make me laugh. Two, it will stress me out. I will. The amount this man crams into a day, anyway, the... Oh, yeah, it's colossal. It is, yeah. But I also find the precursor that he sent very funny. So can we just enjoy what he sent to me first before he then asked me to listen to the Voiceno? So here, here's the notes that I got from Ivo yesterday afternoon. Dave, this is A Voicenoate, but it is not the Voicenoate. This is just the instruction Voicenoate. The Voicenoate, yes, it's 11 minutes long, but I mean,

30:21my goodness, the audio quality is brilliant and the linguistic flair is even brilliant, yes, it could be inserted into the podcast in isolation, but yes, my real dream is for you to play it and listen, John, live on the show. Yes, I even left the odd presumptuous pause for laughter. And no, it can't get it down. John, in particular, will make some sake comment about its length, as if he doesn't regularly do 10 minutes plus about T-shirts or word-all-tacted. Maybe it's a kind, I would like you to give the Voicenoate the best possible start by saying something like, this is Ivo's response to last week's podcast, it's 11 minutes long, but it's absolutely worth it. So there we go, there's the production notes. He's key to the keys. I'd like to flag the phrase, the linguistic flair is even brilliant, uh. Yeah, I think that's a joke, though. I'm not sure. It might be. He's clever enough for it to be a joke. I think he's clever enough for that to be a joke, I like it. Yeah. Okay, so it was last Thursday, wasn't it? Alice, you have some points. Ivo did join at points. We've broken this up, it's just, it's nice.

31:22Can I just say, yeah, I very, very rarely drink any more. Yeah, I just happen to have two nights out in a week, and I've had probably seven nights out this year. It's just two of them came within seven days, so I don't want anyone to think that I'm neglecting my family or parental duties by going on the razzle that I've good, so I just needed to get that off the... I don't think anyone thought that. Everyone knows you are very responsible in that respect. Thank you. Should we get into Ivo's big Thursday? Yes, please. Okay, we go. My name is Ivo Graham, and welcome to Chasing the Night Cap. A lengthy but narrative rich voice note for the Ellis James and John Robbins podcast, main feed concerning a broadly factoring, but narratively suspect name check in episode 580, Seathing Resentment. That episode could Ellis bemoaning his hangover from the previous night's ribbled reunion with Matt Ford, Ed Gamble, Lloyd Langford, and me, and lamenting that he'd be feeling absolutely fine.

32:24If I, Ivo Graham hadn't turned up at 11 and persuaded him to go to another pub. Now, is that true? And indeed, you may ask, why did I only turn up at 11? Answer? Because that's the earliest I could get there, because I wanted to get in a pint with the lads as the final cherry on the cake of what I would call a medium-strength mega-day. An MSMD, in which I'd got up, done a one-hour work Zoom call, gone for tooting to have lunch with my friends Alex and Mari and sing a national song to their baby, gone back into town for a meeting at Netflix, clang! Had to work adjacent to non-alcoholic scooner in the Bloom's Brie Sunshine, hidden in a public toilet for a long phone call with my parents about recent emotional issues, gone to a fancy hotel to meet my aunt for a club sandwich, watched Joseph Morpogo's insanely funny Highlander 70 at the Soho Theatre, done a 20-minute set about line bikes and Dutch festivals at always be comedy Chelsea, done a 20-minute set about line bikes and Nigerian footballers at always be comedy Kennington,

33:26and had a 20-minute debrief with Tim Lewis after the Kennington gig. It was now 10.45pm, Lloyd, 40, Ed and Ellis were all still at large in Clark and Well. I had my lime helmet with me, might their last orders be my first? That's a big old day, is it? Well, I've done the Chelsea Kennington double up, it is possible. Yeah. You know that, but he's packed an awful lot in already. Was there a film in there halfway through the day? Did he wish a film in the afternoon? No, you went to watch Joseph Morpogo's show at the Soho Theatre. Oh, right, okay. Well, still lengthy. But yeah, it's a big old day. It's the club sandwich with his auntie, I like. At this point in the, with this voice note sent to me, Dave, I would be strapping in, I'd be setting time aside, but I would be hitting one and a half speed. Is that possible for us to do?

34:26I've never listened to a voice note or a podcast or a film, or anything at one and a half speed in my life. You mad? No, I don't, I don't do it. Never, ever, ever. Oh, always. I'll press it by mistake, and then I'll immediately reset to one. Everything by default is 1.1, because that you can't even tell. Then rest is politics 1.5, maybe 1.75 if they're talking about Brazil. The only one I actually listen to at regular speed is probably hours. Because I can tell when it's sped up, when it's hours. Oh, no. I just... It makes you realise how you really don't need. People do speak very slowly. Oh, I get nuance in the gaps. Yeah. I've got so much nuance in the gaps. I mean, I've always sent that. Yeah, sure.

35:26Okay, fun. She'll enjoy a few more nuance in the gaps with Ivo Gregg. Sure thing. Here we go, back in. Ed Gamble had texted to say it was winding down, so it was he who needed to be sent the first emotionally manipulative DM of my evening. See you soon, I messaged a first draft three-syllable act of manifestation that was battered away with a barely longer reply. I'll be gone. They just rang the bell. Ed's miserable attitude. Give specificity about which bell earned him another four texts from me. All sent from a lay-by stationery on my line with my minutes ticking down. Don't worry, John, I'm on the most cost-effective monthly plan. Come on, Ed. Go for a long wee and I'll basically be there. Wouldn't it be fun to overlap when the photos of all five of us together had the end of the night mean a lot to the friends on our text group who hadn't been able to join us? Because they were hibernating away from aggressively dissected primetime TV gigs

36:27or because they'd given up alcohol. Or both? Sadly, my please fell on deaf diabetic ears. Gamble was off. He needed to be up early to ask Amel Raj and what it was like to be shut in a coffin. In a video like some kind of format, the way haven't appeared on for nearly three years. And what I'm expecting to do this current series, by the way, I'd like to do civilian uncloked in January and then be an actual celebrity traitor contestant next year. Make it happen, Ed. You sick and a new professional pint dodging hunk. Anyway, the failure of the gamble gamble meant I needed to secure the nightcap by other means. Would Ford, James and Langford be following the traitor's lead? Would anywhere even be serving it 11? London's nightlife is on its knees. I'll get rid of these under the another cliffhanger there. I've not seen I for one person for a couple of months. So I really did want to see him. But the pub was closing.

37:27And once Ed did pull the trigger and said, I've got to double that trade treat as I'm cloked to him. I did think it was winding down. Then Ford realized there was a pub down the road that was open until one. So as soon as that, as soon as that was offered, I was like, oh, I can't wait. Then I will stay. It'd be nice to see him. It's a good attitude. Is that how I would remember it? Well, it's a good attitude to socialising from either. Because I think if it's gone past 11 and I'm trying to join a group of mates who are already very warm and very well greased, I think how I just feel I was so out the loop at that point, I would just go home. So it's that... You've got the Langford effect. Right, you never said seen Lloyd for so long because he lives in Australia, no. So obviously I even want to see Lloyd as well. And also, I feel like it's a chase of good time. He's got to keep going. Otherwise, it's causing public toilets to your parents and we've always met. He's like a shark. Gotta keep moving. Gotta keep moving. Yeah. Okay, well let's get the next update from Ivo.

38:29I messaged Ellis, a man famously glued to his phone and surely more malleable to my demands. We've been texting loads recently about Rodgers. We still need to coordinate our April 2027 Dad Daughter O2 Arena plans. Let's do it in person. Ellis replies to say that the Wilmington is closing, but he thinks they make head round the corner to the Betsy Trotwood. Huge if true. I jump onto the bike, stopping only to send Ellis an arguably over-dramatic final text. Do what is right. Three bars in 15 minutes later, I get to the Betsy, and at first I fear the worst. The pub is open, but my Welsh majority try add are nowhere to be seen. Have I beaten them there? After the day I've had? That is exactly what's happened. Suddenly though, the boys appear, and it becomes very quickly clear that they've all had five points, two margaritas and an extremely heavy meal. Fordy keeps telling me how good my Swindon shirt smells,

39:29but his blessings are biased by Bud Pfizer and bone cancer. Ellis is able to give an impromptu-potid history of the swarmsy orange awake it, but he does slur his words a bit while doing so. Lloyd isn't really into football, but he chips in cheerily enough, and his poor tour but accent is deeper and tricklier and friendlier than I've ever known it. Australia has not changed him. What a night. The first round is on me, and it's four points between four. I didn't expect that to be a second round, but suddenly it's midnight, and the Betsy Trodd would still hasn't closed, giving a lovely extended sesh to its Thursday clientele of battered teenagers getting off with each other and battered political impressionists asking their friends if they wash their football shirts with more than one biopod. And I do! It's the Sherwood shirt sniffer who secures the second round, but this time it's three points between four. Ellis is going to stay, he's got at least two more semi-relevant anecdotes about Dusty's Springfield and the Vetch, but he'll be on the water for those.

40:30And you know what, fair play. This Guinness is my second drink of the day, and it would be his eighth. We do half an hour more at the Betsy Trodd would, Fordy speaking genuinely movingly about his colostomy bag, before turning to Lloyd, one of his oldest friends in comedy and asking, in a heartbreakingly childlike plea. Do you think he'll ever come home? Lloyd's plans are not mine to disclose, but in the short term, he may not be coming home, but he is going home. It lights up at the Betsy, nothing lasts forever. It's quite the image, doesn't he? He does. It was lovely to see everyone, and it made me think that I should go up more, actually, because I really, I got a real buzz from seeing those boys, and I don't see them enough. I speak to them a lot, but I don't see them in person enough. I am glad I stayed. I did have a water for my final drink, not that it helped me very much, because I fell asleep on the sofa, and then walked up and then couldn't get back to sleep, etc., etc., and it was very tired.

41:30It's the combination of the tiredness and the hangover, that that's what did me in. I'm afraid on the radio show. We should point out that a limbike is a publicly rentable bicycle that you get in London. Yeah, I think I've got a vision in Manchester. I think so, yeah. I think it is further afield, nothing. They've rolled it out, so I think there is a Manchester limbike. They've got a car diff, and I can't remember his cold, but there are bikes you can hire. Limbikes style in Cardiff, but I can't remember what they're called. Yeah. Okay. I think there's one more, I believe. It's great, okay. Yeah, for listen. Time to hug the lads, get a final photo for the dry drinkers and the dancers, and then pop my helmet on, smash through limes, ludicrously easy late night has a perception test, and green menace my way home. It was a pleasure to have secured the nightcap with that majestic three-quarters of the original group. It really did cap off the day. Many thanks to the Betsy Trotwood for their late night licence, and Ellis,

42:33for sending me the text that made me take the leap. Contrary to his recounting of the story on last week's podcast, I don't think the one pint of the Betsy could really have been the difference between Edda's being fine in the morning and not. I'm not saying he's lying, like he must have been lying about Lloyd Griffith having the best carves in comedy, because his literally told me on more than one occasion that I've got the best carves in comedy. Carf off on the carer. Anyway, in conclusion, hangover wise, Ellis's damage had clearly already been done by the time I'd even arrived on the scene, whereas I only had two pints, so I was right as rain in the morning. Fresh as a daisy to oversee the year three long jump at my daughter's sports day, and then headed to town for my friend's pride and prejudice themed wedding. This story is obviously taken far too long to tell, but Dave did say a voicemail would be great, and isn't it typed up and professionally recorded or datterty file the same as a voicemail, and isn't every detail absolutely necessary, and isn't it a travesty that I also haven't been on the this show for nearly three years either? What's the matter significant productions to challenging for you? Over and out, thanks for having me, stay cool, stay orange, stay significant,

43:39chase the night cap wherever possible, demons permitting, and stand up to racism, stand up to injustice, swing in time forever, back to your boys in the studio. And then we have it. Was the jazz music your choice, sir? We've had the jazz. Yeah, I've had the jazz music. Also, I really have got to say this, following the permanent withdrawal of the old next bike scheme in Cardiff due to theft and vandalism issues, Cardiff Council have advanced plans for a brand new wall electric bike hire scheme, so they haven't been available since January 2020. There are no line bikes in Manchester either. I do not. You can't hire those on street bikes in Manchester at all. I don't operate. No, there might be some other versions, but the S- There's the next bike in Cardiff, which I was a member of that scheme, but obviously there must have been getting checked in the tough or something. I mean, I've a will of research this for when he inevitably takes his line bike show on tour. Yes. To other but it's a London. Music

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46:52Right, let's read through some of your correspondence. You can email us on any topic. Hello at Ellisonjohn.com. Ellison what's tickles you fancy? I must admit I agree with this email. I've you know I wanted to say this at the time, but everyone else was they were so strident in their views. I decided to opt out of defending it. Just a quick one from coal. Wheel is one syllable. It's a homophone of wheel when you made it. Two syllables by saying wheel. You said it in a way that nobody uses in speech. The vowel in the middle of wheel slash wheel does have two sounds in it, but that's just because it's a glide slash dip phone. Beer, for example, in my mouth, it's got saxophone at least. Also it's a dip phone in the middle of it. There's also obviously one syllable. Surely wouldn't say it's two syllables. Beer. That's all coal. I don't know what John thinks, but I must admit I agree. But no, I think I think coal's right, but it is you can it's a word you can sort of make feel like it's got two syllables.

47:52Okay, but it's not the wheel is in the rounded wheel or we will. Because the argument is real. Oh really? Okay. Wheel, which as I would say is one syllable with in my accent, you know, wheel go over there. We call it slightly undermined itself by describing wheel as a homophone of wheel. Yes, that's a type of which I changed because that's fair enough. You know, N is right next to be on the keyboard, so I'll give you that. But it's an interesting topic because in cryptic crosswords, you sometimes get homophones, so it will say broadcast and or out loud or overheard, which means that it's a homophone of that word, but it's only if you speak it in the same accent as the setter is intending. Yes. And this came up a couple of days ago in a crossword I was doing, because I pronounced the word differently. Out of curiosity, do you think that those crossword

48:53setters are assuming the people trying to solve the crossword are speaking in RP? I don't think so. Let me actually find the example because it's quite, it will elucidate, sorry, this will take me a couple of seconds. Okay, well, I'm going to read this as well. Hello, lovely boys. And again, I've got to say to Al, I agree with you and I apologise, that's where I'm reading out this email. Is there the one about you listening like Ryan Gosling? No, absolutely not, because that's not true. I love your podcasts and greatly likened my ear you all as individuals, but oh dear, I usually just say it, Alice, is not in frequent chirps about Cardiff City, but not coming up with anything to recommend. His capital city, for our American guests, is just too much to bear. And John suggested get out of a ASAP. That was dismal stuff. Is it the network of Victorian arcades throughout the city that were looking better in December that saw offend? Is it the Blooming Great Castle plonged in the

49:54city centre with both Norman and Roman remains that causes such indifference, the castle is good? I've got a hand in that. Is it the magnificent millennium centre hosting amazing shows around the world that sort of disappoints his card of bay with his ace auditorium resides, the source is such contempt? Does the lively and desyn make you so down on card if with the ever green and ever marvellous crew of your Bach, it's beating heart? I know nothing about guests, but they may enjoy a rugby game, the principality and not judo with the cultural cringe of Daffodil hats and terrible jeans drenched in madry like I do. Is it the lovely old new theatre that makes you so jaded? I saw brilliant and moving show by well-known comedian and newly crowned doctor there a couple of years ago. Does the historic and beautiful national museum of Wales not warrant to mention and rivals in Fagans in fairness the art collection at the National Museum of Wersing Cardiff, his excellent and my friend Roger works there. Got to put that out there. Are the beautiful and huge parks that accompany the taffour of the city just too boring to mention? They might be complete Christmas monkeys, so the extensive Christmas market in Icegate in Plava will be in full swing by then too, but hey yeah, weed smokers in shopping centres,

50:58right? Yes, we do have those two, so not yourselves out Dioll. He's right, I do like Roth Park, I do like Big Park, my kids especially love Victoria Park, so sorry to the people of Cardiff, I let you down there, I lived in Cardiff for 11 years, I needed to be better, but yet again, John is so strident with his anti-cardiff views, I withered under the pressure. I'm not anti-cardiff, I just don't know, I've spent a lot of time there and haven't seen perhaps the best it has to offer. Yeah, I mean I'm not going to mention, you can google just because I'm not sure if it's allowed for me to mention my stressions, but there's good places to eat in Cardiff, so for our American friends, enjoy. Yes, and let us know what you did, maybe you will find stuff for other people to enjoy in Cardiff. Have you got that crossword answer? I have, but it's unconfused. I can find homophones quite confusing sometimes, and the clue was chair perplexed by speaker for six letters and the solution is throne THR-O-N-E,

52:08but if you pronounced a throne throne, like if you came from Hull, oh yeah, but then you would probably also pronounced throne as in being, you would pronounce the homophone the same as well, you'd say that's throne me. Yes, that's throne me, and the king sitting on his throne. Yeah, so maybe what I'm looking for is an example of a homophone, where someone with an accent would pronounce one of them one way and one of them the other, and I can't think of one. Yes, they do exist, they're quite accent dependent, but they do exist those homophones. I just can't think of an example off the top of my head. Maybe you can email one in if you have an accent. Okay, ring fence news time, Dave, what have you got for us? Quick ring fence in and out. Congratulations to Michael Roberts, who won the two tickets to come to Dancing with Dave on the 17th of October, because we put up a lot of competition on Patreon,

53:08so we've added Michael plus one, obviously, to the guest list of Dancing with Dave, and another update on Dancing with Dave is that Stevie Martin is also now joined the line up. Oh, great. Steve's done it before. On the platters that matter on the ones and twos on the wheels of steel. No, she's not, but she's very excited. I reckon Stevie Martin's got a great pop instinct. A bit like Amy Gladi Hill. She's played some absolute hammers in Manchester, it was great. So what's the running order, Dave? John the running order. Yeah. Okay. John's problematic walking music from three till three forty five. Thank you. Dave Masterman from three forty five till four fifteen, just to, you know, switch up the pace of touch. Then Stevie Martin for forty five minutes up until five pm, then the headliners. It's a waste of St Nebworth. It's Ellison John from five till six fifteen. So John's doing a second set. John's well. So John's doing a second set. I was going

54:08to say when I come on after you two, you could hang around with me for a bit if you wanted just so that it evens out or you could just leave when John leaves. I don't really know. It's just the point I'm trying to make is I don't know how many gears John has gone. I've got one gear. Yeah. So you're putting the car back into first gear and I were, and I were after it's been in fifth gear for a while. Just rolling it down the hill into my brain. I'm starting it. No, I've heard John's, he's got gears. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, he's even admitted himself that he doesn't have gears, Dave. So you can't. You do? What's happening here? I got one gear and it's in sixteen seven. No. Plays sexual naked. Plain and Sasha bedding filled. Everyone will be happy. So you and Ellis will do a headline set from five and then I'll jump back on at the end. And of course this is going to be our next adventure episode as well, which we were planning earlier and there's lots of fun surprises on the way, including, which I think we can mention, an appearance from George Egg is going to bring a snack hack to

55:11Brighton Dome. Great. Yeah, so can't wait to see George, dear George. Yeah. So dancing with Dave is on the 17th of October. Congratulations to Michael Roberts and it'll be our next adventure set out to the beginning of November. Lovely stuff looking forward to that. Fantastic. And I watched our escape room episode and there's lots of laughs in there. This is very good stuff. Very, very full now. We had this email from Chris. Chris says, my three musketeers of content, I feel compelled to write to thank you. I finally found your podcast early last year. And as I drive many miles and don't own a TV, I achieve retro one estate is within 12 months. Is he 1.5 in it? Well, he goes on. It helps that I listen at two times speed. Oh, although I cannot hear you now at normal speed without you sounding like drunkards trying to pass a sober. But he's missing so much nuance. He's missing a lot of nuance in the

56:16pause is probably a lot of nose blows. Sound strange to him. Is it? Yeah. He's missing. He's missing the normal nose blows. He's missing nuance and he's missing comic timing beats the comic time. I'm about he's getting audio content healing because Chris goes on. I've been battling the black dog since my early teenagers. And these last few months have been particularly hard. Stress in work coupled with a divorce meant that I was unable to regulate my natural fluctuations in the same way. Sounds described the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed, but your podcast was one of the few things that brought a smile to my face. Last week I was signed off work and I suppose 30 years ago they would have called it a midlife crisis. But wanting to make the most of the opportunity afforded to me, I hit the road. I have an air mattress, sleeping bag and a small portable stove, and I'm currently lying in my car near a waterfall around 70 miles from John the Grotes having spent the last four days visiting Hadrian's Wall, Malt Sky and Loch Ness. But it's in his bare

57:17feet. I've even been wild swimming. Oh wow. Today I ended up stuck in a ditch and had to get a bigger boy to come rescue me. I wake each morning with the sun, look at my map and drive where the fancy takes me. If I see an attraction I like the look of, I follow the signs. I'm currently working my way around the North Coast 500. Oh what a joy. My journey reminds me of John's Irish adventure. Adventure, I hope not. It has given me time for thought and introspection and I'm already feeling in a better place. Look forward to your podcasts. They've been a beacon in the darkness. I hope to be able to catch a show next time you're near me. We love Chris. Well Chris, thank you so much for your email and I'm very glad we've provided you a company on your incredible journey. I would love to do that. That does sound like a nice way to to attempt an unwind and an lord. Oh yeah. Oh wow. Just following your nose. Also just just just jet dissonning unneeded

58:22possessions and sort of relieving yourself of the burden of having too much stuff. There's a camper van in a mattress in a little store and waking up with the sun. This sounds like a very natural way to live. But one question I've got for the 1.5 is and for the two of the times two as if something makes you particularly makes you laugh. Do you then go back and listen to it at normal speed for the nuance? That's a good cue. I don't think I do in the podcasts I listen to. I do sometimes will revisit a whole section if I feel I've missed something like on or often I'll look for the funny bit on a video if they do video podcasts as well. But I tend to just happily bumble along at 1.2. It just saves you an extra 10 minutes an app to carry on with your staring or whatever it is you're doing. Okay. Should we wrap with a rapid response unit? Yes, I think we should do a rapid response unit.

59:28Last week in an attempt to emulate John's ability to spark the nation's conversation, I proposed three questions of the rapid response unit. Have you ever been impressed by a treehouse? Should adults who like Disney go to jail and is death really the end? We thought the first one was the most appropriate sort of find out if you've ever been impressed by a treehouse, we're firing up the rapid response unit. Stewie and Corby? Yes. Lizzy and Liverpool? Yes and no. What does that mean? Adam in London, commercially yes, residential. No. That is absolutely 100% my opinion on this. Sarah and Utah? No. Okay. Lucy and Newcastle? Yes. Sam in Hastings? No.

1:00:28Danny in Brentford? Not really to be honest. Okay and Joel in Texas. I have never been impressed by a treehouse but I would like to be. Okay fine. Well we did an Instagram poll on it and 65% responded. Yes, time of recording. We had 1600 and four votes. That was this week's rapid response unit. Good stuff. It's the water cooler moment you'd hoped for. Yeah, it's the yes and no I liked. I'm assuming that worked for you. I think the yes and no it must have been a residential one which was rubbish and then a commercial one which was actually quite good. The commercial ones that are made by people and know what they're doing absolutely but the sort of the old bit of plywood that's just nailed to a tree branch absolutely rubbish in my experience. Right. So what's going to be it? What's our next rapid response, wasn't it you asking for it? Is death really the end?

1:01:29I think it was you asking for advice on circumstances wasn't it? Okay so it's you know it's broad spectrum. It could be interesting. It could be informative actually. It could be informative. I'm not I need to stress this and I've had to stress this more often in my life than I ever thought. I'm not a qualified doctor or a financial advisor or accountant. Yeah. You love to be. A lot of people using me as two of those three things. Yeah. Well you're you've got a good authority with how you offer your opinions John. And that's what you need to be suspicious of because it sounds like it's true. Yeah it is. It's got my god always Google or ask someone who has got the qualifications. Well I've got a question up because they're wrapping in pensions into inheritance tax. Yeah. From next year and my question is. Who's this question for?

1:02:29My financial advisor. So if you give 10% of your estate to charity you reduce inheritance tax for your beneficiaries so it kind of evens out. So it's basically a nice encouraging way to give money to charity. However with a pension your pension it doesn't necessarily go in your will with your pension you have an expression of wishes of how you want your pension to be distributed after your death. But what if you haven't put a charity as a beneficiary of your pension and then when it gets put as part of your estate it brings the 10% below 10% that might potentially catch people out so that's something I'm going to ask my financial advisor. Good good stuff. I would quite like to ask John. What if you get your answer please? I will let you know what the answer is. Could you pre-see the answer? Yeah I will. But you should if you have an appenture Martin Lewis was doing a video on this

1:03:31make sure you have filled out the expressions of what was it James Shaq? It was one of my go-to YouTube financial channels I watch. What am I going to? My my my express wishes that my money is sort of just thrown to the winds. Well if you don't it goes for in cash and then because the thing is often people set up a pension saying they're 30s and 40s they might say I'll leave it to my partner. Yeah well when you're 60 and you partner left you 10 years ago you may not have thought I'll need to you might have thought I need to update my will but you might not have thought I need to update my pension expression with this change and because I was storing last night I think as he might leave me so this is something that you know I'm going to have to look up myself. Great that's all actually as it goes. Yeah well thank you very much for downloading this episode we'll be back tomorrow with the beer to challenge the mind and then of course on Tuesday but thank you as ever for your company goodbye. Bye bye you

1:04:38guessing is for game shows not your business work day is the enterprise AI platform for HR finance and IT with AI grounded in your context to get work done and done right it's a new work day Instagram team accounts have automatic protections for what teens see and who can contact them plus time management tools and Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age appropriate experiences learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com slash teen accounts thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and tick-tock at Ellison John for more content and you can watch highlights of every episode over on our youtube page at Ellison John plus you can find all things eJJR including links to our patreon

1:05:40are merch and much more by heading to ellison john.com see you next time