#577 - Laundry Zero, Final Score Yoga and Mmm Meat Toms

0:00Before you start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Alice and John. If you head over to patreon.com slash Alice and John, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including Miniland Bix. It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump. Birdwatching. Right, you favorite things. A bird's a football. Retaking our driving tests. I am chock full of adrenaline. It's absolutely horrible. And you can watch our latest episode now, The Pottery Challenge. I should warn you, pottery makes me horny. We shouldn't have worn those lights. So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com slash Alice and John now. Uh oh, said Klamic Donald, emptying a bag of roast chicken and time sensations into a mouth,

1:02whilst sending an expletive filled text to Chris Warburton who's running late. Looks like Matt Britain has been to a sodding wellness retreat. The director general of the BBC is some of the all of five lives DJs to broadcasting house for a catch up, but mainly has an excuse to celebrate the autumn equinox, which had caused Colin Murray to give Nikki Campbell such extreme side-eyed and giving him a headache. Absolute belge! He said as Naga Shushtim, Adrian Childs idly played with the velcro straps on his shoes before the meeting started. Hi everyone, said Matt, merry equinox. I love this time of year. It's a celebration of fertility and renewal. The earth is a welcome and mother nature is providing us with a tidal wave of creative energy and the UEFA conference league has started. He had noticed that Naga was doing a gesture under the desk that would get a book on the football pitch. At least when Tim Davy had these meetings, he'd handed out free mini-milk's fabs and knobly bobby's. Matt had given her a leaf. I hate to hurry things along, said

2:06much Chorley, but I'm interviewing Shabana Mahmoud in 20 minutes. The director general looked at much Chorley with pity. Matt stressed. You're all stressed. Being a DJ at Five Live is the hardest job in the world, apart from being a five-man or a soldier or a midwife on loads of things. I'm here to acknowledge that. That peaked everyone's interest apart from Dottna DeBio, who's snoring in the corner as 2pm is past his bedtime. Listen, I've seen the text that come in. I get it. I was talking about this stuff at a wellness I've told you, Sir Clement Donald, at a wellness retreat to the weekend. But I came back feeling so refreshed. It was me, a couple of execs at Spotify, Daniel Falk and Fiona Bruce. We came together to sit, think, dance, roar and cry in a nourishment circle with one another and feel held. So I'd like us all to do that today. The room is silent, apart from the sound of Rick Edwards playing Crossy Road on his phone. You don't look convinced, said Matt. Why, Adrian, talk to me. We all just thought

3:08and talked to Gordon Stracken about why Scottish teams are struggling in Europe. I don't think I need to be held, certainly not in the radio. Although this is an open forum, I wish we'd stop by and Tesco Valley tea bags for the BBC kitchen. Adrian said, Matt, come on. We'll chat, breathe, stretch, journal, dance, drink, bittersilk, a cow. Adrian, I want to see your wild animal side, and then when you go home tonight, you can tell your wife that you feel valued and loved. Until same cord noise. The director, journal, made everyone sit in a circle and roar out their worries. Much so early, roared that he worried that politicians didn't always give him a straight answer as he looked at his watch. Adrian roared that he wished Premier League regs allowed him to interview referees. Rick roared that he wished parental controls were turned off on his phones that he could get rid of the ads on Crossy Road. The DG made everyone a cacao. Colin Murray spat it out and said it was grim. Before asking why Ellis John and Dave weren't the meetings, they could drink a disgusting drink and feel held. The DG side, okay, I'll get them on speakerphone.

4:12Hi Dave, it's Matt Britton and DG. Can I offer you a cacao? I said I'd not bet on the edge after the wait to see, you know, if you got any, yeah, that'd be great. When I go home tonight, I'll just tell Anna that I've eaten too much tiramisu. Matt could hear John's sacking Dave in the background. Would John or Ellis, hi Matt, it's John Robbins. I'm afraid that significant productions is a ceremonial cacao-free company and that we don't recognise the autumn equinox, although I do pay special attention to the autumn statement. I heard about you weekend retreat and I'm afraid, although I do breathing exercises to avoid night terrors, I don't do them around a campfire and any stretching Dave does is because he hurt his back at the marathon. Ellis does feel emotions, but when he's feeling hungry and the other is feeling too full and finally none of us journal, because Dave and Ellis have to do the school run in my morning, my morning journals reveal that I have psychosexual problems. Matt looked at all of the assemble DJs. I think that's enough for today guys.

5:16See you all next month. Wow, it's been a while, isn't it? It's been a five-live. We haven't really done one since Tim Davies step down. No, we've not. I've done quite a few, but they're obviously quite forgettable. No, because in your mind. Britain likes board games. He likes jingles. He jingles his thing. That was a lot going on there. Cacao is big now if you're into that sort of thing. I've never had it. I know what it was. It's absolutely disgusting. Oh is it? Yeah, it's basically dark chocolate with all of the nice stuff taken out. Well, all of the nice stuff not put in. Yeah, that's a better way. If you're expecting Cabri's Marvelous creations, imagine that without the jelly tots, without the smarties, without the milk, without the sugar, without any caramel or molspe fires, all the good stuff. So it's a bit like eating stones, stones and the memory of chocolate.

6:18Bittersdolves. Bittersdolves. Because a lot of health food shops sell things. Cacao nips. Cacao nips. Yeah. I've been ever had a cacao nip, Dave. Now, why is the white you talking about? It's like you're eating poppery. I don't want to do that. No, no. But then I do know people for whom cacao's ceremony is very important. I thought cacao was drugs. Is it not enough for to do drugs? No. Is it if you think everything's drugs? I thought I thought like, you got high on cacao. Do you know what? I think there might be a bit of that knocking around actually. But I don't think it's at this look into it. Yeah. Cacao nips. Cacao nips. That's it's basically like hardcore cacao I think. I go on. You're listening to Radio 5. No, it's food products rather than a drug. Well, it's the legal plant to meditate, Raven work with according to three

7:19spirit to UK.com. There you go. But you can't get high in the psychedelic or mind-altering sense. It's in that world. It's adjacent to it. It's quite hippy, isn't it? I think there aren't many things you can meditate, Raven and work to. No. I'd say that's almost a unique selling point. But that drug is going to be a big seller. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need it to work, and drive, and meditate to all things to all men, like a captain. But anyway, how have you been, John? Well, Ellis, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you really. You do need to know. There has been a quiet revolution in my life. Oh, yeah. You're into cacao. No, I got a new washing line. Right. We discussed this. Yes. And the diameter of the washing line was bigger than my old washing line hole. It's been a quiet couple of weeks. Yeah. So I dug up the old washing line tube, and I decided for some reason to install the new

8:22washing line seven minutes before getting a sports massage. Yeah. But we've had an email from the washing line company, actually. Yes. But I know, no, if we can read that out on the BBC, let's have a go. Just call them the washing line company. Well, that would help because they can't get the name of the company right, because it's almost impossible to remember. You're listening to radio. Hi, my lovely three sir. Not sure about that. Yeah, sir. I think it's all the step-to-market. Actually, you are fine. Yeah, yeah. Just listen to Tuesday's episode where John recounted the tale of his Bose, BEA UX mishap with his dryer. By the way, please inform John that Bose is the plural of both, some more than one male lover. I know that. But he says anyway, and there's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, John referred to a brand of rotary, which he called barabita. Now, I may be wrong,

9:25but is he referring to the washing line company and then gives pronunciation? I work for said company and can advise that there are ground spikes for grass and plastic tubes for concrete setting. The rotary's come in various grades and as you move up from essential slash economic models up to top spinner and then to the lift thematic. The diameter of the ground spike increases from 35 to 45 and up to 50 millimeters. It sounds like KVC. Yeah, where can you get them from, he's going to sell a leather jacket in a second. If he had measured the diameter of the old one, he could probably have replaced it with a model that fitted in the existing ground spike too late now for the future. I hope John has many years with his new rotary, if there are any issues, ring me at the washing line company. Great. Now, I decided against my better judgment. In fact, I just lost all judgment to install the new ground spike seven minutes for a sports massage. Yeah. Because I sometimes do this, like the drive to get it done overwhelms the drive to do it properly.

10:30So I tried to bury a ground spike with an axe and two blocks of two logs from my woods pile. That will have looked like real breakdown territory to have the passes by. Yes, you meant to dig a cross in the garden with a spade, but I just haxessed it with an axe. It looks like I was trying to murder my lawn. Anyway, also you can move your lawns dead from the December anyway, so it would look like you could. Yeah. Also, the spike is like a foot long. It's mad to go into the ground, to go into the ground, eventually by hitting a log against another log on top of the spike. I got it in. However, the washing line I've got is it's mega line. Is that their name for it? No, it's the biggest washing line I think you get outside of industrial dry-in companies for a man who lives alone. Yeah. Can't be as adjustable as you're not. Can't you adjust the length of the line? No. What? It's like a sort of square one.

11:34So it goes up and down like an umbrella. So it's like you're trying shirts for football clubs. Yes. You're doing all the age group teams as well. It's basically the width of my garden. If you dry things on the furthest outline, they're in the hedge. And then is the whole garden in Shandall? Yeah. If the temperature drops by about five degrees when you fill the washing line. So anyway, I put the load of washing out on the line and it was only using one quarter, one quartile. I thought I could whack in another load. And the second load filled another quarter. I've got two loads. So you do four washmishing goals at once? Well, this is what I thought. Is I thought I could, I am in touching distance of what three being salad podcasts. Longer zero. I've described as laundry zero, which has never been done. No one's ever done it where every single item of clothing

12:34in your house is clean. And true laundry zero would involve you being naked as well. True laundry zero would involve you being naked and everyone in your house being naked. Yeah. Anyway, I believe that my washing, mega line, my washing line has capacity. My early estimations of over 70 t-shirts. Blum and egg. You haven't got 70 t-shirts. Yeah, yeah. Have you? Big time. Are they all in your wardrobe? Yeah. So why don't you wear 10? I just got a good old rotation. You should have good old rotation. How about your wardrobe? It's tiny. But how wide's the t-shirt two millimeters? Well, the hanger is on. Well, you're ruling. No, no. I were used to roll, but I don't know how. I've only just going to roll things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, roll. But anyway, I want to warn anyone that is thinking about approaching laundry zero. Be very careful what you wish for because laundry relies the whole system of your house relies on about a third of your washing being dirty at any one time. How?

13:40Because as soon as everything's clean, you realize you don't have capacity for all of the clothes you're in. Yeah, it's very much like mugs and crockery. Yeah. If all of your crockery and mugs are clean at the same time, they don't fit in the cupboard. You could do towels and t-towels as well. You could. I mean, you could you could have the you could have your house would just stink of a lot more. Yeah, but the point is I make is you don't want to be in that place. No, because the rotation you need failure in your life. Oh, yeah. In order for the whole system for finally admitted. Yeah. So that's all I've done over the past two weeks. All right, okay. Two weeks. That's all I've done. Done some meditating and some therapy. Yeah, I need to talk to you about yoga. To you. Yeah, my back is done and I just need to figure out how I oh, do you want to do this week? Electro acupuncture. What's that? Well, it's the acupuncture and then they kind of tied and then they kind of kind of

14:40kind of look with a little lecture and they touch you to the beans basically. Yeah, and then you feel it in the bottom of your back and I can be in there all like tingling away in your little and your little back. How did that feel? It felt great. I fell asleep. I keep falling asleep on this guy's massage table and then he did cups. You ever seen cups? I've never. Yes, yeah, yeah, swimers of the Olympics. Yeah, so I have six cups on the bottom of my back and it sucks into your skin. Now, how did the cup feel? That hurt. I thought the I'm not good with like the thoughts of being a good with you. Electric needles. I'm not good at being electrocuted. I mean, I used to be burzy and gunner because I did a tough mother once once. Did you? Yeah, like for ex-FM, I think there was some sponsor thing. What a radio stage. Nothing bothered me at all. And the last thing you do, you've got to run through these little wires that basically give you a jab of electricity. I'm never doing that again. That was horrible. That was horrible. That was a fitness. Exactly. Well, it's tough mothers are kind of like it's a bit of gimmick, isn't it? I used to. You don't hear about as much anymore. No, I don't have about tough mother. It was on the

15:41website, you would say only 88% of our contestants win or sort of, you know, complete the course. You like that's loads. Yeah, there's a lot. It's not bad. It's basically nine out of ten. Even if that was sort of like a military training, yeah, they wouldn't have that because what's that's preparing you for? Like an enemy who want to slightly annoy you. Resilience, John. Yeah, so we're going to raid the main building on the corner of the town. That's where we think that the hostiles are, but do bear in mind on the way they have laced the streets with tiny electric shocks. Not enough to hurt you. It could be really annoying. It's going to make you flinch. Okay. So remember your flinch preparation. Just remember when you come into contact, eyeball on eyeball with hostiles, you're going to be annoyed. You're going to be really irritated for a bit. Well, it's quite, they're quite, I remember they kind of knocked you to the side a little bit. I thought I'm never gonna get that's horrible. That was horrible. That was a horrible lending. So it was actually quite a fun day. Did he get what was otherwise? Yeah, lovely tough mother.

16:46Did you get that dead mother? Yeah, because you got a crawl on the ground. Yeah, you got people in like in in service stations, I've been just completed a tough mother dead mother. Yeah, yeah. So the orange t-shirts. So I always thought the electric side of acupuncture I'd be really freaked out by actually, I was fairly chilled with that, but then these cups get sucked onto the bottom of your back. And then they're basically just kind of put underneath the cup. It's just that the pressure on the skin underneath is pulling it out because basically it's trying to pull the blood away from your muscles that are strained in the bottom of your back. And I think supposedly metadue very well. Are they hot the cups? That's a big heart, but you don't really know it's because very quickly it's just quite painful from the the skin being pulled into the rim of the cup. So if you got cup marks on your back, I don't know, they're probably gone now. Put this in the camera. Oh, Davey Hart. Oh my god, Dave, you look like you've been paint poorly and the bullets were massive. So they did all up. I'm actually still in bits. And I think

17:46I just need to start doing some proper stretches next. Regular yoga for you, Davey. Yes, we'll get you signed up to a yoga class. Yeah, that's how we got, I can't remember how we got on. You did yoga with that Adrienne, didn't you, in lockdown? Yeah, until she started using a dog in the video and I couldn't stop imagining it farting in her videos and thinking it's it's ruined yoga with Adrian for me, the idea that she might be filming this in surrounded by dog guffs. Okay. And that was the last time I've ever watched a yoga with Adrian video, but very good. Well, I don't mind that. You could do that. If you think there's some good ones, it would be good because my lower body will not shift. Oh, and the guy said the the acupuncture in the cup, he's like, you'll be right as rain in two hours. I wasn't. John was picking today yoga with Adrian until her farting, her imaginary farting dog put him off. Yeah. So I got a video saved on my favorites. What for lower back? Yin yoga for legs hips and spine. 35 minute fascia release.

18:47Right. But yeah, I mean, you should go to join a yoga class. Yeah, I should. Yeah, there's a lot of things. I should probably do that. I did it. That would be helpful. Yeah, I did that once. It was a bit spiritual. I don't mind that. Oh, awful. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I often thought, because there was probably five or six people at the class. I was thought I was on it in a slightly different headspace. Yeah, you want pragmatic yoga. Exactly. You want to be about the league cup. Well, basically, yes. I'm turning it because my hamstrings are tight to five aside. So I'd be turning it up in like 2011, 2012, swan the ZZWA shorts. And everyone else was sort of yeah, concentrating on their, yeah, their spiritual side. I everyone, I just want you to move slowly into downward dog. And now my keys are full and on my pocket. Feel that looking at breath. Coming in through the nose, filling the torso. And now I'm at drinks. I've forgotten my phone in the car. And it's time now to head over to the news and sport. Late Norean, I've got a

19:50late winner. It's two one against Derby County. You'd love that. You'd love that. Final score yoga. Yeah. Then make it. Yeah. The initial final score yoga because it's about the right time for yoga session. Well, you did a, you did an episode for BBC Sounds. Didn't you? Are you reading out as a meditative thing reading outcast? Yeah. You're reading out the scores of the world cup. Yeah. Kelly Kits has done one as well. Gabby Logan's done one. They basically tell you to read something out that's not particularly sort of stimulating. Yeah. But you just read it for ages. And that's the thing that sends you to sleep. I can't even bought Gabby and Kelly Jules by chance the score from the 1958 World Cup. You did. You did? Well, I went on, um, is he Judd's music and meditation podcast? Did you? We actually have to write and read a guided meditation. You have to write. You have to like script it. Do you? Yeah. What? Is she asking every guest to do that? Yeah. I guess booking. I think of anything more exposing. Well, this is it was extremely exposing. But very, very interesting. And I enjoyed the

20:55process immensely. She laughed at her guests. No. Because most of it I got laughed up because all the mind was about the week. Well, I think if she might, in the sort of debrief, might say, there were more score draws than I was expecting in that meditation. Usually we focus on the breath and our relationship with our thoughts. So you wrote, is that your first meditation that you've written? Yeah, I would imagine it will be the last that you did better than you've probably. You're hiding your lights under a big bushel, aren't you? Well, I didn't know because you don't know unless until someone says, will you script a light for us? Yeah. You don't know that you've got a light regardless of whether it's hiding under a bushel or not. Yeah. Very true. Very true. No, but I will let you know when it's out. Maybe. Yeah, of course I will. But it's quite, I've fulfilled sort of very self-conscious about it, but it was lovely to chat to Izzy about meditation. Did you talk, did you give her a draft or did you talk to her about the process? I would find that so confronting, I think. No, I sent a draft to the team and Izzy read it and we

21:59made a few little minor tweaks just for time, but they commissioned more. They commissioned, I should do that. I should write L.S. League Cup for meditation. They commissioned classical music to record it by an orchestra. Oh, wow. So, copyright free, Dave. Note to self, future things. Yes, yes. And they record us sort of 11 to 12-minute piece and you set the meditation to the piece. It's a really great idea. Sounds like a very expensive podcast. Yeah. No, a friend of my musician and she hired an orchestra in Montenegro by the hour. So she'd written, she writes jazz albums and music. But a lot of work goes into it because you've got to get someone to write the meditation. You got to get someone to record the music. And you've got guests that are willing to win the music. Guests that are willing to write their own meditation. Yeah, it's quite a big answer. Chopra was on last series. Yeah, I'll fair play. So they do get some very good guests. So I'll let you know when that comes out and I will write

22:59Ellis. That'll be my intro for next week. Ellis's League Cup for meditation. League Cup. Okay, write it down, Michael. You could go through all of the different sponsors. Rumbles. Moving to Coca-Cola. Littlewood. Milk. Milk. Milk Cup. Absolutely. There we go. We should not know. We should squeeze in a rapid response unit because a couple of weeks ago, we talked about Ellis's threadbare pants being featured on Taskmaster because they were your lucky pants weren't they? I've caught up now with Taskmaster and I have to say I think is he's doing fantastic. Yeah. So entertaining. I mean, they're willing to say extremely close to that. I'm not seeing we're going to watch the episode that went out on Thursday as a family tonight. I've seen the third episode yet. Yeah, but I've seen the first two. Apart from obviously my pants have been broadcasted to the nation. Very prone to that. Well, you're getting quite a lot of coverage on it one way or another, aren't you? Yeah, not all positive. Not all positive. No, but it's honest.

24:03It's honest. I want to see one of the people have mentioned their spouses on Taskmaster. It's not to get named, but I get named every time. He's got a full name. Yeah. Ellis James every time. So, brand new feature that we've done a few times now, the rapid response units. And how can people get in touch for a rapid response unit? Well, what we usually do is we what you would say punt out for rapid responses off the back of a theme that we would cover on the podcast. So recently, we talked about Ellis's Sartorial Superstition being his shoddy pants. Yeah. And to find them like that. So we asked that over a long and story tour. Yeah, but the reason they were so thoroughbett is because they were your superstitious pants. So we asked on this podcast and then on Patreon, on Facebook, on Instagram, how they can get what our listeners' Sartorial Superstitions were. Yes. So let's fire up the rapid response unit. Brent from Bournemouth. A pair of Zebra print boxers shorts are

25:03wandering every rugby match for around a decade. Nice. Katie new castle upon time. A single earring with a burger charm that became known as the lucky burger. Me and my brother used it during school exams for good luck. Oh, good. Joe in Froome. Red socks for a long carriage or any with no traffic. Weird socks. Was it? Red. Red socks. Okay. Good stuff. He's Irish. Julian catford. A silver necklace that I always wear on a plane to ensure that it doesn't crack. It's good. I would have met and it's been 100 percent successful. That's a lucky item. Yes. Timing cleaved in my old England 98 shirt. It's far too small for me and cuts off the blood supply to my arms. Sarah Nolpington. I always wanted a pair of binding women, because as a child, the day I got them, I got knocked over by a milk float and never wore them again. A milk float travel set about four months in our work. She had seen it. She'd been given a half

26:09hour run-up to be knocked over. To tell the tale. Yeah, of course. There's just some question how you get knocked over. They are famously fairly quiet, because they're electrically. Yes. Yeah. When you think the roads are clear, it is quite a lot of them. They usually do hear them because of the early days. Sorry, I've got Carolina Reaper salt up my nose somehow and I've also now got it onto the tissue. I was using, I used to blow my nose, but I got Carolina Reaper chili. You've cross-contaminated yourself. I covered in Carolina Reaper salt due to an earlier recording, which will come out next Saturday, weirdly. Because of the unique way we record. It's got future Carolina Reaper. I know what to do, because I think it's all my hands. You're going to wash your hands. You're washing my hands and face. Let's get some soda crumb and put that up your nose. Go on, you go. Me and I will handle it. Okay, quick. Take over, Dave.

27:14Off you go. Off you go. Michael, is he left? Is he left? He's still there. As he gone. Dave, I can't broadcast without John. I'm not good enough. I can't do it. You know, that bit in Wayne's world when Wayne leaves and gaffers to present on his own. And he can't do it. Please, please, Dave, Dave, get him back. I can't do it. Dave, I'm not good enough and I've lost confidence. Dave. It's fine. It's fine. I mean, I obviously not the spirit in which she was intended, but I wish that we do was all of our listeners to do a Kickstarter for me to buy Johnny Miles Rick and Bucka. That's all I needed. It was 358 miles. I don't know how that goes down on the BBC. It's to donate a pound. I don't think you can do a go-fun me for a BBC presenter. Yeah. It's frowned upon at the very least. It would have been good though, isn't it? Yeah, it would have been good. Dave, I've run out of ideas. I'm done. I learned how to do a plat last week. I went to a confident dad's hairdressing course. To you. Yeah. I can do a, I can technically do a plat, but it's rubbish. So I tend to stick

28:19to poor detail. My plat is very loose. So it makes my, they make my daughter look sort of medieval. Do you know that you know the tip? It's all about the thumb, because as it goes over the previous part of the plat, get your thumb on it and it anchors it, and then you go across again. If you get your thumbs on the plat as quickly as possible, it keeps it lovely and tight. So you're doing an anchored thumb. And do anchored thumbed plat. So I also learned how to do fish tail. What's that? It's like another type of plat, which is longer and harder to do and not quite as impressive to look at. So I'm sticking to the plat. Oh, but it's great. Lila genuinely comes to me now and asks me to do her plat in the morning for a, when I first put my daughter's hair in a poor detail, my dad honestly looked at me like I was a V-Dolls assume. It was so out of his comfort zone and sphere of expertise, because he never did that with my sisters. I recommend to any dad who's got a young daughter who has long hair to get along to, because I think they're everywhere. There's quite a big one, which I think it's called pint

29:20some ponytails. And like dads go along and they have a drink because they're bloody lads. And they do like ponytails on mannequins and stuff. That's taken over the country. That's sort of out. Yeah, mine was with a little, mom was a little one with a friend of ours called Denise who has her own salon who put it on. But it was great. Yeah, is it good to be confident with that sort of thing? Is he so me able to do a plat when Betty was very young, but I just, I never, I can do it, but they just, it doesn't look as good as when is he does it, so she tends to do it. Come on, mine. I'll sort you. Yeah, it's the aspect. It's the young could fermatayl as old as times, isn't it? It absolutely is. It can't believe John has got reaper salt, appears, noughts, and on this face. Here you come. It's a broad cast. You all right, John? Everything okay? Good. To stop looking at other people's sweets, they're probably sexteds. Although sexted did drink out of Amur, I saw her on Instagram the other day. Okay. This is our Pearl Harbor Dave. I will have that Tony Chocolone Lee. He drunk out of a

30:24mug, and also he wasn't very well. So he's contaminated and now listen, John Mug, while he had a cold, he was Jordan. Hate to throw anyone under the bus, but it was Jordan North from Capital Breakfast and how about sexting my bus? Great. Great. We'll talk about because I've got an idea, but you carry on. I thought it's about how I'm now very good at plats and ponytails because I went on a confident dad's head doing course. When I was a kid, my sister had a doll, which was, it's quite chilling. It was a sort of real-sized plastic head. Yeah, yeah. It was a very nice hair on it. Yeah. And I remember her doing sort of brushing it and plating it. Yeah. So I know I am now the plaquing. Good stuff, John. What should I do? David, David, I'm David, but why have I kept calling myself Dave's bonkers, Barbers, but that's much better. What an underrated footballer by the way. He scored a very good goal on the volley, didn't he? Yeah. I recall it in 1990. Yeah, and he did more. He did, you're right, he did not talk about Dave. He did a very good, excellent career in Italy as well. Yeah, good points.

31:26If David Platt wants not you, if real David Platt wants to come on, if the real David Platt wants to come on by all means, and I would bang the drum on his bath and say, you're underrated. What do you want to run this podcast? Yeah. What do you want to do with that? I would interview him about his Arsenal career. And who's that for? Arsenal fans heard of them. Would it be a distant pod interview potentially, do you think? No, no, no, for us. No, it's this. Well, John gets to go and play snooker for a while. Next week's rapid response unit. Yeah. How many t-shirts have you got? It needs, what does that need? It doesn't need anything. It just needs, I just want the figure. So you are like Barry and Cornwall, Steve and Seen. I bet I've got more t-shirts than 90% of our list. Oh man. But I was just thinking, I was thinking when I went to wash all the chili out of my

32:26nostril, I'm going to go home and count how many t-shirts I've got because I want to know, I need to know. You don't need to know. No, for insurance purposes. Does a polo shirt count as a t-shirt? What's a polo shirt then? I'm not a football who look at this. Three-butt is collar, but short sleeve shirt. Like a Fred Perry or a LeCosta polo shirt. Well, I don't think it does actually as a t-shirt. I think a t-shirt could be a V-neck or a circle neck, but it does have to be can't have a collar. So what is that? Because you could wear a polo shirt to a golf club. Yes. You couldn't wear a fat ass sort of a stuffy one. You couldn't wear a t-shirt. So you won't be counted because you will have polo shirts because you're a golfer. You won't be counting those. I will not be counting in your event. But I will be counting running t-shirts. Because you occasionally wear your golf polo shirts to the show. And I was like, well, I've seen you in them in sort of formal events. I'm sure I have. I was like, you look like you never want a golf shirt

33:27to a formal event. I would be even, and you know, I will hold my hands up to an occasion wearing hiking boots to formal occasion because I've got a bad toe. I would never wear a polo shirt to a golf shirt. Well, where have I seen you wear golf? Because I was just a little bit smart. But I don't play golf with you. You might see me coming back from golf or on my way to golf. I think that's it. I think I'm wearing a picture from a golf trip. I thought I was zoos with the gym. That's it. It's the zooms. And it's when I just scroll through photos of you when I'm lonely. You're not all your golf stuff. So just numbers, well, let's do it because I'd like to see the comparison between a bit more content in it and then just numbers. No, just numbers. Yeah, no, understood. And we need to know where in the country you are. So we can build up a map of Britain based on how many t-shirts you own. Okay, so we're expanding now. So it's location and number or we say the location. And Carlisle 14. To clarify, sports t-shirts are fine, but they have to be a traditional t-shirt.

34:32Can't be a vest. Can't be a vest. Football shirt without a collar would work. That's interesting. That is interesting. Because I drop football kits that don't have... I think it's got a collar. I think that's not correct. Okay. So we say it and we actually say it. I can't believe we're saying this. I can. The don't have feature where you tell us how many t-shirts you've got. It has to be cotton. I nearly said that, but that does rule out the running ones. It does, but I think that's okay. Maybe it is, yeah. Okay, this is exciting. This is a sort of a moving feast, a movable feast. This is a rapidly changing picture here. It's got to be a cotton t-shirt. How many cotton t-shirts do you own? It's the next week's big feature. Yes. Okay. We are currently gold winners of the BPA or she's mad, isn't it? When you think about it. Or is it Dave? Because no one else is doing this. I don't know. Okay. So just great ideas. I mean anything. I'm just fizzing with stuff. How many cotton t-shirts do you own? Just the figure.

35:35Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, we get that. Cool. I look forward to it. I do look forward to it. Where do people submit that information, Dave? Email us. Hello, EllisonJohn.com. It's probably a good starting point, actually. In fact, Michael, that'll do a lot of your work for you rather than having to proactively go and find these. What about 1960s football tops that are made with cotton with round next? I don't imagine many of our listeners will have any of those. Well, okay. You can have those too. Okay. Yeah. That's okay. In fact, pajama tops that are like t-shirts and not the button ones like Mocha Mowisemore. Not just t-shirts who are in bed on the room. Yeah. No, but you can buy pajama sets. That can't count. I don't think it's shorts and like a cotton t-shirt. Well, that's a t-shirt, isn't it? Yeah. You wouldn't worry about it. Are you, are you crossing pajama tops? Are you happy with that? Well, I would wear this in bed. But that's not a pajama top. No, that's a t-shirt that would eventually get relegated to be a pajama top. Yeah. So what's the difference here? A pajama top and a t-shirt? It's bought as part of a pajama set.

36:38But that's just you silly little girl. You've been sold alive. They just rebadge their value t-shirt. No, I can't say goodnight on it. Already for bed. But that's just you know, Mary snooze mess or something. That still counts as a t-shirt. Look at you. Yeah. Yeah. I've got my definition. I'm happy. But you know, you've said notice of colorless football shirts. But you wouldn't say, oh, this t-shirt that says green, fingered, goblin, lives here. That's a gardening t-shirt, so that doesn't count. No, but there is some bed wear. There is different. They've got the nipples cut out. There is a, yeah, it's a sex t-shirt, so you can't have that. Well, there's a category on a website for the type of clothing and it says bedwear. I think that means that it's a different type of garment personally. No, no, no, no, no. Okay, would you wear it anywhere other than in bed? If it was a particular nice piece of

37:40get bedwear, would you wear it, you know, to the bottom? I don't have a single t-shirt I wear in bed that I wouldn't wear outside of the house. Wow. Wow. That is pretty good. Apart from one that one of the unwearable self-esteem merch t-shirt, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So if the stars you were to wake you up, you just, you just look ready for the interrogation because you're wearing a three-beam salad t-shirt anyway. If, if my choice of what point do you make it out? All right. Okay. Not the stars you're supposed to. If Michael McIntyre walked you at 2am, like he does on the big shop, yeah. You wouldn't look that different to if you, if you were expecting him to come round because you're in one of your normal t-shirts, you just in bed. You go to book cut jeans on. If I was wearing a plain white t-shirt in bed, and Michael McIntyre comes around my house and inadvertent, come a surprise at me because everyone obviously already always knows. Some of them play it very well. Some of them don't know.

38:41Josh didn't know. Josh, Josh's suspicions were raised when Rose went to bed in full makeup. Really? Because I had a thing, Alison Hammond, you. Sorry. You know them. See, he comes around and I'm wearing a white t-shirt in bed. Is he going to go, oh my god, you're wearing a regular t-shirt. That's not a bedding t-shirt. But you must have seen the v-shirt, obviously, sometimes people aren't wearing anything. Why do they call you bad? It's gone bad. I don't know. Right. I think we've made, I think we just draw a line underneath. You know what you saying we might have more resources to have a more sense to bed it on the broad, this can all come out. This is enough afraid. We're having a more sensitive edit, Dave. We need more on the cutting room floor. That's why there's an awful lot of that. That's why we're employing American Steve. I think a lot of that began on the cutting room floor. No, well, you started it. I just said less now. How many t-shirts do you got? This can't be on five lines.

39:45Fine, good. Email. Hello, Oseja. Just send the voice note for crying out loud. It makes it even easier for my voice. What are you feeling that too? Hello, Ellison John.com. Can we send it to WhatsApp? No, no, you can't. No, you can't. Send it to WhatsApp. You know that. No, we have a WhatsApp number. No, we don't. No, we're still sure it's an email. Yes, so it's hello, Ellison John.com. Send it to your voice note. I have many t-shirts. I'm paying to email a voice note, isn't it? No, it's dead easy these days. It's dead easy. It's dead easy as long as the voice note isn't 45 minutes. Three dots. Share, air drop, open your laptop, show your emails, download. No, open email, write to us, attach it and send it. No, it's that simple. It is much simpler. It's easier. You don't need to open your laptop, old man. And also say what your name is and where you're from. Yeah, because we were good. That only took 21 minutes. That is crazy to come to that. Well, with the greatest respect, you weren't here for 10 because you're washing

40:46spice sort of your nostrils. So I must admit, I'm taking criticism with a pinch of salt, which is probably up your nose. Well, the problem is with the Carolina Reaper salt. Obviously, it comes in a little thing. So you pinch, you're so used to a pinch of salt. That's where the phrase comes from. They don't say a pinch of pepper because then you've got pepper on your fingers. You put pepper up your nose. You put pepper in salt, which is essentially what this is. And the pinching, which is actually on the suggested instructions on the front, because a picture of a man pinching a salt onto chips, where is leading you astray? A boy after swimming once opened a sachet of pepper, put it on the palm of his hand and blew it into my eyeballs. In about 1989. He's cruel. And I could, if I wanted, name him. I will not. But he ruined my day. And you've got to let the court case.

41:48Oh, he'll, yeah, yeah. He'll get it. You can't prejudice the jury by naming him. Thank you to everyone, the old Bailey, for making sure that he gets his day in court. He was a child, though. I imagine he was two years older than me. I was friends with his brother. How old were you? This was about nine. He's a child. There was 11. He was in secondary school day. If any new, what do you believe? Show me the boy at seven. And I will show you the man or something like that. One's that mean I don't know. It's a saying about how basically there's no hope for you once you get to seven. You're down. Yeah. Yeah. That is a worry. I'm I'm afraid to clear the zone. But he put this on the part of his hand. And I was blind. Do you tell a teacher? It was an extra cricketer swimming club. I was there with my dad. And I said, oh, but yeah, I had to go to the toilet to, uh, to wash up my eyeballs and it didn't work. I mean, you'd have thought you'd have more sympathy for me, wouldn't you, Dave? Yeah, maybe, maybe so. Shall we do a comery connection?

42:50We shall. With just 60 seconds on the clock. Can our Welsh hero, Ellis James, connect with this fellow country people? It's time to find out in the comery connection. It's another comery connection. Ellis thinks his tactic is a sheer perfection. But his questions have one direction. Where did you go to school? Do you know, D'Affid Evans? No. Come on, mate. You must do. No, we've never met at all. In a true show of sporting integrity last week, Ellis, forewent a dubious connection with Robert Howley and subsequently played out a miserable defeat with call of felicity in the spirit of the game, though. He may have won. Plore. It's his honesty, but certainly not for his ability. His connection rate is rapidly slipping further and further away from the magic 50.

43:51It now stands at 48.04%. And it was also pointed out to be a by my friend, Guianharding, that Steve Fenwick is not actually from Regennis from Tafswell. God, I say that. I've got to say that. Fail to connect today, and Ellis will achieve his tenth hat trick of failures. Tenth hat trick of failures. We do keep good stats on this, though. We do. It's a good opta. It's like my word, all spreadsheet. It is a bit. Let's see if he can. But let's speak. Let's see if he can turn things around today. We have a caller on the line. Call her. What's your name? Gemma. Gemma. Ellis, you have 60 seconds to find a mutual connection with Gemma at your time starts now. You just go. 47 Morrison comp, Swansea. 47 Morrison comp. If you went to university, where did you go? University Wales Institute Cardiff. What do you do for living? I now work in charity, but I was a speech therapist. Do you know my friend, Katrin Saran, from Swansea,

44:52who is the Swansea Modernist Instagram page? Katrin James. Yes, Katrin James. Yes, I do. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Wow. Good. And with a maiden name hurdle. Yeah. I'm guessing that's what that was. Saran might be a middle-aged Katrin James, yeah. Yes. She would have gone to Goyer, I think. And then Gossine and College. And then Gossine and College. And she was friends with Claire. Yes. And I went, yes. I was a college at her too. Went, who was from Hendy? Alice, how do you know her? I used to hang out with Katrin quite a lot in my 20s at Kruppi Vrobach because we like the same music. And there was this sort of, if you liked indie music, it would still be the same in Cardiff. There was a sort of wider group of probably 80 people who would always go to the same gigs. I want to met her first. Part of the community in my 20s again. I met her first lead through my first girlfriend, I think,

45:54who was friends with her friend. And then I just sort of, she was always in Kruppi Vrobach with Claire. She now runs a modernist Instagram page. No, she's really into like, modernist art and like, brutalist architecture. So she does an Instagram page with like pictures of all cuffs from the 60s and stuff. And you know, like libraries that were built in 1960 where they've got a very specific look. Not so sports centre, Chris Apalis is a good example. It's actually great to list a building for that reason. But she does, she likes that kind of thing. But we were into same sort of music. She's lovely, Catherine. So you were in Gassinan with her, were you? Yes, yes. So we were quite a few of us. She's got a baron's nightclub. Yes, it wasn't the Indian's nightclub. Yeah, from Swinton. From Bang Bang, it's the recent Morton. Well, it's in Twintown, baron's nightclub. Is it? Yeah. There was the Indian night was called. Yum yum. It was in the mid-90s. Yes, there was one on Wednesday, but I used to go on a Thursday. That was it. Yes.

46:54Yes, yes, yes, yes. I've got to keep saying yes. Is that a new name for the Cumbria connection? I don't think we have. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No, who's the mutual connection again? Catherine. Catherine, yes. You had to use Catherine before. So we've enjoyed when you used a name for the first time. I've definitely used Claire before. Yeah. Because she's from Handy. Like my dad's best friend from school, but he's obviously he's my father's age. So not a great connection for the Handy scene. But I might have used Couch, I don't know. But this feels really positive, and I'm glad. Where'd you live now? I live near Newcastle. So I've lived here for about 21 years. Upon time. Yes, yes. Not underline. No. Okay, okay, okay. This is good stuff. This is good stuff. Well, thank you very much for your call, Gemma. This is good. Thanks, Gemma. Thanks for having us. This is good. We've turned the ship around.

47:56So where did you grow up in Swansea? I'm just building a mental picture. Okay, so, Rizniya Marriston, Miss Fulburn, near Cliddah, that kind of thing. Yes, yes, yes. I did think you might know my A-level history lecturer from Gosaynan. Who's that? Dolan Riz, he's done a book on Cumbria than Sherst and not a lecturer. I mean, I own the book, but I've never had the pleasure of meeting to learn, I'm afraid, or to learn. So no, a europhore, no, but this still, I'm feeling good. I must say. I think we might need to, perhaps over the winter, send Ellis to a high altitude connecting camp. Yeah, well, he actually goes and just meets lots of people and makes connections with them. I filmed something on, Wednesday or Tuesday. I can't remember when. But what happens? I filmed a couple of things since we started doing the Cumbria connection. I'm always asked to come recollect with members of the crew. That's nice. Yeah, so good. Yeah, yeah, this is good stuff.

48:56Well, more of that next week, see if we can get Ellis to 50%. We're not far off. Thank you, Gemma. We are all we've been not far off for over a year. Not far off. Two years. Of course, you're now. What number is it? We're about 48 and a half. Okay, we'll stay there forever. There's still good feature. Good feature. Okay, we're going to take a little bit of a break now, where I prepare to play a made up game. Okay, folks. It's made up game time. I feel like I've sort of been preparing for this all week. Why? Do you know what the game is? No, we've just all of the things playing in iPhone games. Okay, which ones are the curiosity? It's just one way you have to fill up buses. Okay. And you have to watch an advert every time you want to get a bonus parking space.

49:57Okay, I'm so, I'm sort of sick of AI adverts, but also weird. Again, it's like we're talking about monoculture. I can't really make an observation about this type of advert because you will only get them if you play a lot of iPhone games. I don't really know what you're talking about now. But I know what an AI advert is though. I've seen them on social media. Well, it's like a dentist who's clearly not real talking about the importance of this. Some of them are AI. Like there's one where for a phone cleanup app where a woman is an estuary desk, walks down the aisle to a couple and says to the husband, is she asleep? And he goes, he looks across and goes, yeah. And it's almost like the start to sort of an erotic film. And then she says, is it? And then she says, come with me. And they go, they walk down the aisle. Otherwise empty plane and she goes, will you buy me an iPhone? And he goes, no, why? And she goes, because no matter how many photos I delete, my storage is always full. And he goes, please, stop making these three iPhone mistakes.

50:59Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like this weird world. Why are they on a plane? Yeah. Why does his wife need to be asleep? I say to your friend in a cafe who's deleting photos manually. Oh, you know there's an app for that. Oh, I've got a... You don't need to put it in a world. It's an AI man who's dressed like a dentist saying, I have been a dental practitioner for 21 years. And let me tell you, most of my patients are flossing brown. Thanks. And then you get these, there's this bizarre game called Gossip Harbor. Right, the premise of the game... Sounds like a podcast. It's quite dark. The premise of the game seems to be a woman, her husband divorces her, kicks her out on the street with a small child. And you have to... I feel like gossip, does it? And you have to like match things in order to convert the shack that she crawls into. Oh, she put them. But it's like a kids game. You're playing it. No, but you have to watch it. What? She's just leaving it, living in a shack.

52:00But this is the thing... Nice one. Why does there need to be this bizarre story? Well, like surely the guy she should stay in the house with a kid and the guy should be, have left. So it's this odd sob story. And then you have to play a little game in order to close the hole in the wall and install a fire. It is called Gossip Harbor. Where's the gossip? Well, then the advert for it is a guy stood outside a restaurant and they'd never got a mic. So the sound's always really bad. And he goes, Hey, I'm Joe. I'm the creator of Gossip Harbor. And I just want to say there's a rumor going around that you have to watch ads for Gossip Harbor. I'm just here to tell you that you... And you'll feel like I'm in... It's like circles within circles. It's horrible and we're all just being sucked in. But I'm tempted to get Gossip Harbor just to watch the advert for it 400 times to free up my parking spaces. I decided to do in the quick crossword.

53:01That sounds sensible. Fee once more. Yeah, it's a real kind of paradox for you this, isn't it? Like this, because you're such a smart guy. Thanks, Dave. You're so emotionally in tune. You've got a fantastic wellness podcast. And then you're filling up buses. Look, he doesn't have a job, Dave. Ah, which is his sweet brain. He works too. Well, he's a weak and he hates his thoughts. So what, as soon as his parking busses on an app, he's not thinking about his problems. It's like death. It's not. Oh, yeah. It is. It's like being death. It's a thought death. Yeah. And he's always looking for thought death. That's why meditators 50 times a day. What would you do if they said they could plug you into a matrix? Yeah. Where you would have one of his thoughts. So say that you're doing the school run. That's why I don't bring this to the show. So say AI gets so evolved that they offer you this deal where you could be immortal, but you're living in a fantasy that will feel real. Yeah. Or you can live out the rest of your life and you die naturally. Yeah. Because obviously they don't want people to be in the workplace.

54:02They don't need people. So they just have these farms of people. And they just plug you in. You have the best life that happens in the total. And he needs another podcast. But it's all he needs to start doing stander. Would you do that? Or would you run the agen die? No. He could work for Macmillan or something, just folding t-shirts in the back. I would live in my life normally. Would you? Absolutely. Big problem in immortality. Yeah. But you would be plugged into this sort of perfect life. I'm sorry. I've not had the same sort of thought experiments. I don't know what the parameters are. But you might be like the captain of the Wales team that win the World Cup and the Euro's every four years for the rest of time. And you're always scoring the willing penalty. Yeah. Right. OK. I think I'd be in my family. Really? But you would be in the dream. Right. But you're not really there. Because they'd be plugged in next to you in the human being farm. You need a lot of side-final. No. You have a side-final period.

55:03No. Really? No. Because it's logical, isn't it? Yeah. If you're being become useless, because we are the floor, on Earth, we're causing all the problems. So AI will go, well, human beings are bad. So we could just say to them, that we'll just plug you into this machine that will give you the best dream ever forever. And we can get on with dismantling all the mess you've made. OK. And getting nature sort of growing back. OK. I don't know. Ah! It's play-made-up game. OK. Where has it gone? I can't feel that. You've basically described a thriller that came out about five years ago. How about it? Yeah, yeah. There was one way they go and work in a factory, but it's not really them because they're shut down. Their eyes are closed. And our camera is called, anyway, it's very good. Jingleys from Dan first played a few weeks ago. Should we play the Jingle now? Yeah. I mean, who knows that this isn't the dream? Oh. Oh, there we go. John started smoking weed.

56:04Jingles from Dan first played a few weeks ago. Let's hear Dan's Jingle. A fantastic one. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't you know it's time to play a made-up game with our two hopes yet another same, although they're two white men in the 40s. They might sound it, but they're not that boring. One of them is filled with anxiety. The other said it's well-repeatedly. I said, well-well-well, it's time to play a made-up game. Made-up game. It's a common now, it's time. Made-up is gotta play cognitive decline. Made-up game. It was a snow here, and that's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

57:04Fine, fine, fine. Made-up game. I love the tune of that. It really takes me back to just the 80s. Yeah. A simpler time. Yeah. Yeah. Just being fed stuff that everyone ate with their eyes and talking about it is. Yeah, I've thought a lot about time machines over the last few days of you. It's just certain things I would love to go back and do again. Really? I don't do anything again. It freaks me out. Yeah, I don't think I want to do anything again. Or stuff that I didn't, I was maybe a little bit too young for. I just thought I got like... What the fault, Clintons? No, but I got, I just got lots of Nirvana live videos from about 1981, obviously. I was sort of 10-11, so I wasn't going to the shows. Yeah. Like I would, if I was five or six years older, I might have done fair enough. Yeah, we've been quite nice. Before we get into the scores, we've had an email from a previous jingle, Make-A-Tom. Tomson and a made-up game's jingle, in the style of the divine comedy.

58:05Let's have a quick reminder of what Tom's divine comedy jingle sounded like. Good stuff. Tom's email goes on, say, hi, team. You'll never believe what happened after I posted the jingle on the PCD Facebook page. A member of divine comedy, Ian Watson, commented on my post about it being chosen, said he thought it was great, and he shared it on the band's WhatsApp group. Oh. That's huge. That's huge. That is... That's like something I would have dreamt about when I was 15. Yeah. That's the exact journey you wanted to take from writing it. And also, there's something about a WhatsApp group that is so intimate. Yes. Because they're sharing funny memes,

59:07they're sharing... But also... Maybe audio recordings are very big guffs. They're also actual band stuff. Yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, well, we're rehearsing them in the obviously because we've got the gig on Wednesday night. And then he's like, oh, by the way, I heard this and I really like it. Neil Hannan apparently said the lyrics were very clever, which, of course, made my head explode. So thank you for connecting me with one of my musical heroes, Total Life Gold Achieve. Well, thank yourself. You're the one that made it yourself. Thank yourself, more, please. Thank you. All the best to you in the whole incredible team there. Tom, yes, spelt with an H like Tom York, who was also very much in the musical hero category. Well, write a radiohead track and get into Tom York's WhatsApp's. Yeah. Do you need radiohead listeners? We'll have loads of radiohead. Oh, what in the band? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. Does Phil Snellway listen? I used to live next also Johnny Greenwood. Next door? Yeah. When? In Oxford, one of the houses out of you, out of college,

1:00:11which I just stayed in for a week, because I went up early. It was next Johnny Greenwood's house. But you'd have been, they'd have been big bell up on. That would have been about 2004. Yes, they were massive bands, so. You used to hear him playing in the garden with his daughter. Oh. And a very intensive father he was. That's nice. Nice story. That's a nice story. God, we've done it all on this show. This has been a mad ad. A mad ad. I must have told that. I think I'd have told that story before. If she came up to him with a joke, she said, why did the chicken cross the road? And he said, I don't know why did the chicken cross the road? She said to do a windy poo in your face. It's exactly the sort of humor I'd have been into at her age. So five, six. Anyway, oh, yeah, you mentioned it in 2014. How would you know that? He was a next door neighbor of Johnny Greenwood. How do you know that? That's an amazing website. Oh, yeah. I want to listen to this rubbish.com

1:01:11that if you type in a phrase, it'll tell you exactly what episode it happened in. It's very fun. I was having a next door to Johnny Greenwood. Yeah, imagine it. Yeah, good stuff. Anyway, back to the made up game. Scores on the doors. Ellis achieved a rare win in last week's game. Young, single and ready to jingle. Bought in by our friends, the Schemwig's podcast, fantastic podcast, that took the scores to 15 love in the fourth game of the third set. John is leading two to two one in games and two sets to love overall. Now, we're pushed for time, but we have had a detailed and very involved in about how we could do cricket scoring next time for the next run of made up games. We'll save it. I think we save it. Because my word, they've gone to one hell of an effort. To be five test series. It's the other coin tossing. There's also a white wash. As dashes after 2005 was a white wash Australia, wasn't it? Was it? And there's another one about scoring it.

1:02:12Darts. We'll save that one as well, but thank you for emails on how we can score this made up game series. Once this one's concluded, but there's a wild to go yet. Nice. A wild to go. This week's game comes in from Brian. With darts, you could have an actual dart board and when you win, you get to throw a dart. That's quite nice. That's what they suggested. That's a great idea. Yeah, by them. Bordio, Fange. Will you'd hear the thud of the darts? Yeah. That Dave would be the caller. Yeah, because darts works great on the radio. We'll just always have Luke Litterler here then. Yeah. Every week. Yeah. This week's game comes in from Brian and Thornbury. Which Brian? Brian. Well, can you write his surname down in case I know him? I have no surname. We can find it. Yeah, he's because I used to go to coin fairs with a man called Brian. Surely he'd say it. Oh, you might not know it's you that is now. Yeah, you were just the coins of on to the 19s. There's your own point. That's really interesting. What's the surname, Michael?

1:03:14Brian James. Well, don't read out the surname on. No. In case he gets someone steals his identity. I don't know why I worry about that. I'm sure it's fine. No, I don't know Brian James. Okay, good. Hi, all. I was just listening to one of your sister podcasts, Skinwigs. Good. Where Ash challenged. I had the same thought as Brian when I heard the episodes. This is mad. Because it's when I heard I thought that could be a good made-of-game. But I hadn't quite worked it out. But Brian has to thank you, Brian. Where Ash challenged Sam to promote his Edinburgh show, only using one syllable words. Naturally, it was very funny. Let's hear the clip. One film is a... This is hard. This is hard. One film is to do with not sleep no more in the past.

1:04:14Not sleep no more in the past. Oh, I love that one. Yeah, okay, so how do they get them to not sleep in the past? Don't want to spoil. Okay, no spoilers. Sinous spoilers. Just do not want to spoil. Sinous spoilers, please. Do not want to spoil it. There we go. So, blurring the lines of inspiration and plagiarism, I bring to you, one seal does exactly what it says on the tin. Oh, that's very nice. Yeah, really good. That's one of the nicest things I've ever heard. Yeah, you want to meet me. And you like music. All right, Alison John will both be given cards with three different things on them, one for each round. In each round, there are 30 seconds to promote their things in the style of a radio or podcast advert, using only one syllable words. So, here's how the point scoring will work. There'll be one point up for grabs for the best advert in each round,

1:05:14with me being the judge. So, the best person to sell it, whatever item is on here, the best person to be creative with how they turn it into an ad will get one point. But to make things even more exciting, Dave will not know what objects you are selling. And it is also your job to describe and promote the object as best you can so that Dave can guess what it is. So, you therefore cannot say any of the words that are on the cards from your thing. Yeah. If Dave correctly guesses your object, you win a point. If he guesses both of your objects within a round, the point goes to Dave's quickest guess. If you accidentally use a word of more than one syllable, you are out of that round. Okay, so if a word is thrown in that is two syllables or more, you're done. Yeah. Three rounds, most points at the end of the game wins. Love, Brian. From Thornbury. So, we turn it over and then we go. Yeah, but you've all got different items, don't you? Yeah, no, no, no, no, we turn over when you start the clock. Round one, the theme for both of you will be clothes. Okay. So, there are things to sell. Be creative.

1:06:15I'll try and be as quick as I can. We will start with John. And there'll be no time to prep, which is what John's preference is. And do you have as long as you need? 30 seconds. Okay. 30 seconds. One syllable selling. Turn your piece of card over, your time starts now. Like, shirt, hate, arms, get this. Vest. Your clothes. And be warm. Cardigan. With bear arm. Oh, I can't think what the word is. All. Oh, no, it's a flim in bass. It's a thing. Chest. Brown. Green. I couldn't think I know exactly what you're talking about, but that's on me because I can't think of the word. It is on you, but Dave, the point's losses on me.

1:07:18Because you're a big big. Big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, um, it's a sleeve, it's a sleever's cardigan that's knitted. It is. That's exactly what it is. Are you talking about, can I say it? You can say it. You talk about tank top. Yeah. Tank top. Oh, yeah, I wouldn't have got that. I mean, it is that I was thinking of, but that was nowhere near my brain tank top. I thought you were a woolen vest. I got the old underwear. Yeah. Still, you know, still creative. Well done. Okay, Ellis time starts now. Hey, peeps, they're so cool. Wear this at posh thing. Suit. Black. Didn't jacket. Great. Very good. Good. Okay, well, I'm going to give the creativity of the Salter John. You. What do you mean? I am. Is that proud of the end? Matt. Is that proud of the end?

1:08:19That is insane. Well, yours was more, no, in photos today. I think I'm going to film the image. Yours was like we were playing scat degrees or whatever it is. Yours was, didn't sound like an advert. Why is it, hey, peeps, make you cool. Love shirt, hate arms. Wear this. Yes. That's the whole campaign. But you get the point for me guessing it. Thanks. So it's one or yours was clearer. And you're getting no more points because you sold me to F off. Good. All right, my confidence is back. Sorry about the tank top thing. John, that is on me. All right, ready for round two. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Okay, the category is food. We'll start with you this time. Time out, Ellis. Turn your card over. Now. I don't even want that mate. Meat. Steak. Burger. Tom's. Tom's.

1:09:19Rome. Pizza. Italy. Rome. Beast. I'm so going to Rome. Tom's. I think we're losing the heart of the game here. It's for Ellis to make an advert. Not for you to guess. Yeah, there's two things in mind. Things are not able to create a sort of narrative because he just keeps saying, um, Tom. Well, because every one of the ingredients to this thing is more than one syllable. Well, yeah, so that you have to sort of create the narrative. But he can't because he's what he's kind of going. I want Dave to guess it. There is actually, I thought of one that I could have done that was one syllable. Is it Bolognaise? Can I say? Yeah, it's La Zamnia. Oh, yeah. She is. She's Layers. That's two syllables. Yeah, Layers. That's Chamel. Onions. Yeah, tricky, tricky game. Okay, what John? Yep.

1:10:20Uh, I did say, um, you did. And I noted that. I did note that because that might be what clinch is if the creativity who knows. Because, um, there's only one. Meet Tom. LAUGHTER John, food is the category of time. Starts now. Water? F***. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER The clock. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I know we found Michael E. Seale. LAUGHTER Still a little counting. LAUGHTER That's so first. LAUGHTER That's why is that making me laugh so much. Because also, the only time is really. It's right. Where I've beaten John, convincingly I made it game,

1:11:23is that it is something in my wheelhouse. Yeah. 90s music, football or sports stadium capacities or wales. Oh. So, now after knowing him for coming up to 22 years, finding out that he can't count syllables quickly in his head, that is the Achilles heel. LAUGHTER Is so entertaining to me. Right. Two decades. And I had no idea. LAUGHTER So, John offers two syllables. So, John's out of that round. Neither of you able were able to describe, what was your item, John? Well, I had my next bit was quite good, because it was... You're not allowed to say the name of the thing now. It was going to be sea, soil and salt. Fish and chips. Oh, nice. Yeah, good. Why soil? I can say potatoes grow, you know. Yeah. Because potatoes are the soil of the sea. Sea is the soil of the ocean. Yeah. Wow. LAUGHTER The wet land.

1:12:23Yeah. So, the person who sold it to me the best, because of the... At the beginning, it's Alice James. Yes, but the time... But unfortunately, zero points go to either of you able to describe the item to me. Well, beef tons. I didn't get those on there. Beef tons cheese. I didn't get those on here. So, it's 1.2. So, it's 2.1 to Alice. Yeah. Going into the third round, which will be package holidays. And I've got to guess the destination. That's good. That's good, Michael. Now, remember the flourishes? Sell me the holiday as well as trying to be specific. It's a challenge. It's a tricky thing to straddle. John, time starts now. Moose. French. A bit. Close to... Trump. But not. Yeah.

1:13:24Canada. Canada. Now. Good. OK, yeah. Canada. Yes. Great. Great. And that's a lot of calling of selling points. Yeah, it's good. But last year... I did, I see it. Like, yet again, I'm going into Batford, John. Bit of sultana. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look at many stittical adverts. Yeah, absolutely. You'd let that be an official advert. Because you're not, you're not directly slagging you off. Yeah. You asked me to meet let it be an official advert. No, but I'm not a godly. You were visit Canada. Yeah. Close to Trump. But not... Yeah, it's good. And good use of single syllables there. Well done. Yeah. All right, Alice. A lot on the line here, mate. Oh, no. Close to Trump, but not. Visit now. Did you say visit? After I guessed it, is it?

1:14:24Was it after the 30 seconds? I think it was part of the advert. Oh, dear, that's huge. I'm calling it on myself. John's. But you could argue if I've guessed it, that's where the ad ends. John is such an honorable man. And I've always said that. The opening of the university recognize it, and I recognize it. Okay. Yeah, I think that is part of the advert, unfortunately. Okay. So the guest is out of the equation, but the creativity of selling it to me is still very much in. I don't know. Yeah. This is so multifaceted. Has he? There are more rules to this than American football, which has the most rules. Has he forfeited the game? Is the thing. I'll nod this round. But or, unless visit was short for visualise it, now. And this is term. That's, um, Alice.

1:15:24Final one. Your time starts now. Hey, this place. So cool. Sun. So chill. So nice. Food. Pleats. I can be a little smash. Grace. Yes. Okay, good smash. Nice. Hey. Yes. Place. So cool. So nice. So chill. Sun. Pleats. Smash. Okay, so both the locations were guest. Was there a timer on that? So who did I guess first, Michael? Oh, it's on the piece of paper, lovely stuff. I guess Alice is two seconds earlier. So I guessed Greece earlier than Canada. So Alice gets the guest point. And but John will get the creativity for the better ads. Alan will make it three foot good.

1:16:24Hey, Trump stuff was great. So Alice wins three to well done, Alice. Well done, Alice. Good lad. So the scores now are so you're 30, 15 up. In the fourth game. There's a third set. Lovely stuff. Better go. Thank you to Brian. Thank you, Brian. Say hello to Thornberry High Street for me, though. I know you can't park there anymore. Okay, you know, no. That's it. Yeah. Not a good. Oh, yeah. You brought it up with the mayor of Thornberry about two years ago. I guess. I remember that. And apparently, Grant Shepz had quite a lot to do with it. But I don't know. One's a rare. Apparently he's doing a lot of heavy lifting. A rare one syllable MP name there. Yes. First and second name. Yeah. Tony Blair. No, Tony's got two. Oh, don't ever do syllables again. That's his guessing. We found it. We found it.

1:17:25We found it. It's finally G Brown. Yeah, Grant Shepz made town bad with new rule. The one syllable, there's other things we could do with the one. I think I think in one syllable. Yes. I think that's what it is. It's like, do you know what I cannot do? I cannot do anagrams. So now when I do the quick crossword, if it's an anagram, clear, I just go straight to Cheatwood. Do you? I'm no writing it in the circle. But I'm on my phone now, I've had I'm got a pen of paper. But I couldn't get the anagram for horse the other day. Hang on, hang on. Sure. It was sure, but the horse was the answer. I just saw the word Shaws, well, there it is. That's the word. That's the answer. And it says, Anag in brackets. I was like, what's the shame? Because they've done it. It was like, get on this. I was like, yeah, you get on the shore. Sure, Anag, done it. Put it in. Incorrect. Clue, no, no, sure.

1:18:25Sure it is. It's really like a crazy blind spot. Great, Hozer. Yeah. Again, I'd be like, there is a Hozer. And the man's a ho get on this Hozer. Well, thank you, everyone, for listening. It's been a pleasure. If you're going to shame Wells and them to Ellis, yeah, and he can then pull it out. To hello at elisandjohn.com. He's doing a gig in Kennington. You can give them to him there. Yeah. Yeah, top of the sixth, but it's in Welsh. But yeah, do give me the shame Wells in English. Yes, please translate them. Yeah, great. Lovely. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. You can find all things EJJR, including links to our Patreon, our merch, and much more by heading to elisandjohn.com. See you next time.