450 - Scooby Doo on Zombie Island

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1:00This episode brought to you by the following patrons. Heather, Min, Madeline, Laura, Jeremy with the Laser Eyes, Ali, Kristen, and Tia. But because it's that special time of the month, we get to shout out our you can get it level sponsors. And they are Corporal Pappy, Gullain, Heather, Nikki, Nidding Menace, Spooky Line Pye, Renee, Elissa, Grace, Doctor Voorhees, MD, Amelia, Erin, Irene, Bex, Laura, Lubu, Cameron, Kaylee, Lab, Lizzie, and unintentionally badass, aka Jennifer. And all the patrons want you to know your loved, your listens to, and your valuable member does awesome horror version community. And if you want to hang out with us, do so in the Facebook group Discord server or subreddit. Where we'll be hanging out talking about one specific question from this episode that you'll hear later. That may structurally change how you see a major Disney franchise. Damn you zoom. I gotta delete something. We can delete that. We can delete Rocket Doodle, right? Yeah, although that was a very fun episode. You draw rooster right now.

2:00I was on set that episode. No, it was, here's the thing. I feel like you had had a terrible day and then we just had too much fun. I don't even remember if I had a bad day or not. I had too much fun recording that episode. Yeah, for sure. Thank you for tuning into horror version. I'm page. I'm your horror version Todd, which means I don't like scary movies, but you guys make me watch them. Except this week, the listeners and honestly the Patreon got to decide what week watched. Yes, and that's correct. I didn't have to watch a scary movie this week because we watched Scooby Doo on zombie island, which page. This was definitely the first time I saw this movie and my biggest note is aren't many zombies on this zombie island. And the homeowner technically is like a wear cat.

3:03Yeah, wear panthers. Why are we not naming it after that? Why is it not wear cat island? Because pussy is scary enough as it is. Hey, how dare you. I'm so sorry. Wow. Wow. Can I, I'd like to admit something and I told you that I had something to confess to you and that I have thoughts and that I would explain them before we got on the microphone. Hey, just swear to God, if you tell me Fred is hot, I will leave. No, the gardener's hot, duh. Of course it's the gardener. Thank you. You're welcome. Gardener slash undercover cop. This was the first time I had seen this movie. Sam. And literally up until last night, I thought for sure that when we were voting on Scooby Doo people meant the live action one. No. With Freddie Prince Jr. and Sarah Michelle Geller and Matthew Lillard and Linda Cartelini. It's a lot of it. It came out four years after this. It did and it is a much better film and oh debatable.

4:06Come on. Really all that debatable. My sister and I, we were a Scooby Doo household. We watched Scooby Doo religiously and somehow missed this one. But we watched like old Scooby Doo where it's like Scooby Doo beats the Harlem Glove trotters. Page I, not the reality thing. I was this scrappy doo household. So, Booh. The mortal enemies my friend. No, scrappy doo was the worst. We were aggressively an anti-scrappy doo and anti-cuzz and all of her household. There. And so, we watched a ton of Scooby Doo and then my sister and I, the live one came out when I was in high school and my sister was in junior high. Yeah. And we were kind of obsessed with it, not because it was like good. I think even then we were like, this is bad but fun. No, it had a bunch of hot stupid of our generation on the screen. Yes. So, we put our butts in those seats, Paige. We put our butts in those seats.

5:06Yeah, I understand. And I will say for this, the soundtrack to this that we watched today is incredible. Love it. My third note was, Terror Time Slaps. I would sing Terror Time, Akarioki. Love that song. Terror Time, fucking Slaps. But I will say the only Scooby Doo soundtrack better than it is the live action one that has outcast on it. It was fucking lit. And my sister and I would watch the DVD commentary version of it constantly because I don't know if any of you out there have heard the DVD commentary of the live action version. But it is the four leads getting, I think, progressively drunker as the movie goes on. And eventually forgetting they're watching the movie and just like chopping it up for an hour and a half. And my sister and I fucking loved it. And I thought that's what we were going to be watching. And then it was like, no, zombie island. And I was like, oh, it's one of the animated ones. I don't think I've seen the animated movies. And then it looked it up and it was only 76 minutes.

6:06And I was like, well, it's Scooby Doo because Scooby Doo at its core is a monster of the weak procedural. Yes. The average episode of Scooby Doo is 21 minutes long because that accounts for commercials. Right. It has very strict rules. And this movie is over three times as long and gives us less information than a single Scooby Doo episode. To the point where at a certain point in this movie I was questioning myself and I was like, have I misremembered Scooby Doo so badly? That this is what it was the whole time and I'm just an adult now? Or did somebody have to make an hour plus long episode of Scooby Doo didn't know what to do for act two? And so they just made Scoob and Shag eat for 30 minutes. Is that what happened to me today? Yeah. I was curious if because you were a scrappy Doo household, is this what you remember Scooby Doo being?

7:08Page, you were having internal conflict that this movie gave me as well and it was perfect. But my existential crisis with it was a little bit different from yours because I mean, Scooby and Shaggy always been eating food pages. Like that's the way they did. Right, right, right. So like I didn't question that so much as I questioned. I questioned how much of it was happening. Fair, yeah, there is a lot of it, but I get it. Like if, yeah, I get it. If I had seen the shit those guys saw in this movie, I would also be like eating, getting high and chasing, pushing around the island. Like I get it. But I'll say the existential crisis that gave me was I thought it was always explainable. Like they could rip the mask off and it was like, oh, it's just this guy. And then this movie, it's just like, no, this time it's fucking for real, dog. And that is that threw me off. I was not ready for that part of it. The live action one is also real. That is also a departure. Sure. So, yeah, I mean, I don't know if I saw that movie.

8:09I may have it was so, I barely remember any movies we do. But yeah. Yeah. That does change things though, right? Yes. Because now, A, I feel like in older Scooby-Due episodes there was a lot like, yes, Scooby and Shaggy are off eating things and doing their, but again, it's only 21 minutes. You only get so much of it. But then you've also got the other crew split up finding clues. Yeah. And in this movie, there's a total of two clues basically. And then at the end, they're like, fuck the clues. It's actual magic. That's what that's my point. Like in a 21 minute episode where they like unmask the villain. Right. They also have to like explain how the levitation actually works. Yes. Not by like, no, voodooed all magic is what did it, you know? Right. And then they get way more information into the 21 minute episode. Right. Because in this, it's 76 minutes. And instead of explaining how you done it, they just like yada yada yada magic. Don't worry about it. Shut up. Okay, go back to sleep. Your mom just wants to sleep for an hour. Yes. Like just leave me alone about it.

9:09Oh, no. And so like, that's very much how this movie felt to me. Yeah. And to that, I say I enjoyed the shit out of it. I do, I do think like, it's not the best movie. No. But like, it is a directed like video of the time. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. Like Scooby Doo cartoon. Like, yeah, it's, it is what you think it's going to be. But it's like, especially if you've already seen it or grew up with it. This is one you just throw on while you're decorating. Sure. Absolutely. Like, you're not, you're not sitting down watching it frame for frame, but it's on for vibes because it's great. True. It's like that kind of thing. I might recommend throw the live action one in there. Yeah, absolutely. I think for me, like, I had to keep reminding myself, I was like, this is for five-year-olds. Just like. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Literally, no character has a line that is not exposition. Madness, but also, I know that the average Scooby Doo episode, the 21-minute one, is roughly 40% chase montage.

10:12Yeah. I know. I watched them all. They heal as a cartoon, like, mystery machine. Correct. It's just like, that kind of vibe. Correct. This is, like, 70% chase montage. It's way more, and I was like, they didn't know how to make a longer story. So they just took a 21-minute story and we're like, padded out, padded out. I'm not, I'm not 100% sure. They didn't just take, like, some clips of another Scooby Doo where they fell into the U.S. They're into me, and the Amazon will probably fall into me. Right. Right. Bycara, secure. You know, that culture is incredible. I think the world has a common sense this way. Yeah. And I know that part of you can reach for racism in the end, and every time nothing's gray, everything's gray, it's gray, right. That's- It's thin. You know what? Not human page.

11:12Of course. I've never seen it. I wouldn't know. It sounds like a terrible program. It's a terrible grade. Terrible grade. Like there's no way you have enough time to watch it. Nope. You would laugh your ass off and have a great time. I probably would. Yeah. And there's a hot red head. You'd love it. So the people who made Riverdale, about a year and a half ago, and I have not heard much about it since, acquired the rights to Scooby Doo. And we're going to make a Riverdale style Scooby Doo TV show. And when they announced it, people were like, no! And I was like, hold on, let him cook. Guys, no, that needs to happen. Thank you. I was like, here's what's gonna happen. Scooby's not gonna talk. Scooby's just gonna be a dog that's around. It will not be funny at all intentionally. And Fred and Daphne are gonna fuck, which we gotta talk about their relationship in this movie. We'll get to it in a second. I have some thoughts about this.

12:13I have so many thoughts. The twain of them. The, they're swingers. I have so many thoughts. Shaggy, full-blown drug dealer. Obviously. Yes. Velma, nerdy girl that's like secretly horny. That show would be very openly. And the end of this, at the end of this movie, she is giving it away for free. And I was like, you know what, good for you girl. Good for you. And I understand why you're shooting your shot. Like I could tell that this guy had the proportions that my friend Paige would like. Yes. And Paige is aggressively of Elma. Now, I would watch the shit out of that. I would criticize it for being bad and still not miss a single episode. Right. Also, shout out to Widow's base, sweep in the Emmy's last night. Let's fucking go. Looks like we picked the right time to do that Patreon series. So excited, so excited. But, yes. That is my controversial opinion. Is everyone's like, that sounds horrible. I was like, but also great. No, it sounds awesome.

13:13It sounds great. Yeah. I'd be here for it. Yeah. I'm here for Scooby Doo as a property being reimagined in sexy ways. Yeah. Why not? Why not? Finally let Fred get some. Oh, yes. Do you want to talk about it later throughout the movie as it happens, or do you want to talk about it now? Or do you want to talk about how clearly there's an in-joke about Shaggy and Scooby being drug-sniffing TSA people and the movie will not let it happen? Well, that's why they get fired for eating this. Yes, Dash. I mean, yeah, that's why they get fired. They are high this entire movie. Yeah. The whole movie. Just admit it. They drive a van. Like admit it. I don't, there's plenty of people out there that drive vans that are not high right now. Oh, come on. Name one. And don't say somebody's mom picking up kids for school. You know she's high on Zinfantel. If it's pink, it's like safe to drive what you drink. Oh, Jesus. I don't think that's a rule anyone follows. Dangerous rule.

14:13This movie did make me sad, though, because I was like, man, the economy in the 90s was lit. It was out of control, good. Because Shaggy and Scooby get fired from a job. And before they even leave that job, they get a call getting an offer to another job. Yeah, unemployment is at like negative 0.8% in this movie. It was just giving jobs away. They were like, are they unemployed? Well, we got to hire them right now. It made me think that, and this made me so sad for Daphne and Fred. But it made me think the reason the Scooby Mystery Machine gang wasn't together anymore was because Shaggy and Scooby wanted a break, which like that doesn't make sense to me. No. Daphne's now a TV show host. I think we know who the dead weight was in the initial mystery machine is all I'm saying. Yeah, it's the people who sat in the van eating dog treats as humans. Yes. But again, this is why I stand the live action version

15:15because Matthew Lillard placed him as a fucking stoner. Yes. And like, clearly that's what's going on in the movie. And I think he's one of our best Shaggies. But also like Shaggy and Scooby are the only ones like finding anything this entire movie. Which drove me nuts. Yeah. If I do the first time Fred sees anything scary. He trips and drops the video camera in the quicksand. Like he's the worst. Yeah. Like I hate it. Page a whole. Well, Fred's always been the worst. But I hate it Fred so much in this movie page. So I hate it him so much. I do think Fred is one of the few things they actually nail in this movie where like, if we bear out who Fred would have become from the original, I do think it's this. Just a monster like a hated Fred. Fred's awful. He was like an overly confident in his absolute incorrect theory. Like everything he said was incorrect. Because it actually turned out to be magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:15I mean, everyone's incorrect because it's magic. Like he's eating other people's food like he's a king. He's an ass got weird. I hate it so much in this movie. I hate it. I did love that he put the ass got out of them was like, no. But no, he's a Ross. He's Ross Geller. He's, we have to have someone to dislike. And it's Fred. It's definitely Fred. We don't like, nobody likes Fred. Not a fan. No. And Fred Prince Jr. plays a great, dislikable Fred in the live. But I had so many questions about him and Daphne because I feel like the show always tiptoed around. Are they together? Are they not? Are they together? Are they not? But then ultimately, they always seem to be together. Because when they split up, it's always the two of them. And then Velma's on her own. And in the TV show, Velma finds like 80% of the clues. Because she's the only one paying the fuck attention with her giant ass glasses. Right. So like, she ain't missing nothing but those things. She's missing nothing. In this movie, the fact that the three of them are just like hanging around that house while Scooby and Shaggy eat their way through every clue

17:19in the movie, I was like, what are we doing here? It felt like somebody understood the like few running jokes in Scooby-Doo and we're like, we're just going to do that. Yeah. Man, I gotta be honest with you. I really think Fred is performing it. I'll say it. Say it. I think Fred only mentions Lena when he's like trying to keep him guessing. You know what I'm saying? Ooh, interesting. When he first talks about Lena, he's like, yeah, totally hit that. You know what I mean? Like, he's just like, it's very nondiscreet. Although I also think the same for Daphne. Ooh. When Daphne sees the gardener, she's like, Are they each others beards? Yes, that's what I think. I think they are besties. They are just like best friends living in the 60s in America, which would be a nightmare for that community sometimes. True. Especially if you're living in a van. Right. So like, I get why that would be your thing. See, I have a different reading of Fred and Daphne, especially after this film.

18:21I think Fred and Daphne are together, but they're that couple that gets off on making each other jealous. Like, they're hitting on Lena and the gardener so that they could just come back home and just like, get it raw. Like, as like the people that like go to bars and get hit on by other people and then go home and just fuck each other senseless. Fred just goes to the bathroom, comes out wearing just the Ascot page. What you can't hear is Paige laughing because she had to get up and turn on the light. Sorry, the sun started setting very fast. It was getting very dark in here. It was like, I need to see my notes. I was like recording a podcast episode with the Nod School over here. Right. Where are my nerds at? I got that joke. Get your prostate checked. Damn. It's time for a mammogram. Yeah, yeah. I had a moment with this movie because at the end of it, when the, I don't know, cat pires, they're like vampires, but cats, I don't know. Where pants? Where, where Keeney's? I don't know. Whatever they are. Cat pires. When they, when they, it gets past vampires.

19:23Ooh, vampires is that is what they're called from now on. That's the lingo. I'm on board. But when the vampires, it gets past Cataclysm or whatever and then they walk into the moonlight and they like turned to dust. I was like, damn, I get why a lot was so fucked up. Like, that's a hard thing to watch. You know what I'm saying? And he was his wife. I feel like that's such a deep cut Bible reference. That like, I like topical jokes, Paige. Oh, you mean when they turned into salt? Yes, yeah. Yeah, it'd be hard to watch. Or not. I mean, I, I vibed with it kind of like Indiana Jones and last crusade where they're just like, he chose poling. Oh, yeah. When he ages really quickly and turns to dust, yeah. Love it. Cool effects, yeah. Love it. Would have been cool if there was more shit like that in this. Right? Although this movie is for five year olds. Like eight years. It's for five year olds. Scooby-Doo cartoon that was direct to video in 98. Right. And here's what I'm gonna tell you.

20:25Just watch the Scooby-Doo cartoons. And this, 21 minutes is the right amount for Scooby-Doo? Oh, I think they're definitely like, that's the better formula time. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you're gonna stick to that formula. Yes. And honestly, do it a little bit lazier because instead of explaining shit, you're like, yada, yada, yada magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You really should just like, if you have an hour or 76 minutes, you know, play with the format sum in a way that narratively is fun to sit through. Exactly. But here's what I'm also gonna say. If you were a kid who grew up watching Scooby-Doo and you're like, I wish there was a Scooby-Doo for grownups, there is, it's supernatural. You're welcome. There's like 15 seasons of it. And you know what? It's fun. It's fun to fall asleep too on the couch. Like, you know, get into it. Monster of the week procedurals. I mean, it is like a procedural monster of the week, right? So it's like a law and order SVU, but it's like supernatural victims unit. There was, okay, for a very brief amount of time

21:26on MTV of all channels. There was a show, and I wish I could remember the name of it, but it was essentially- Page, it was called Cribbs, baby. I know, I know. It was called Cribbs, I did it. No, it was essentially like Reno 911, but for supernatural creatures. Oh, shit, I think I vaguely remember that, yeah. And it literally is like maybe two seasons tops. There's maybe 12 episodes of this out there somewhere. And, but it was literally like the first responders of this small town, but every week, it's like werewolves, vampires, whatever. And it was fucking hilarious, but it was ahead of its time and it was on fucking midnight, so no one knew it existed. And that's, hey, if you like all the things I just described Widows Bay on Apple TV. Yeah, check it out. Yeah, it's great. You love it. Check it out. Yeah, you know what else is gonna be great when we finally get in to going through this movie's plot seen by formulaic scene.

22:26Let's do it. We spend two and a half minutes on haunted castle credits on an only 76 minute runtime film. Page, my first note in this was, if it's this much under red lightning, it should be called Scooby-Doo's Thunder Island. Oh. But they're not, they're not at the island yet. That's how they get around it. That yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is just like two minutes of solid thunder, credits thunder, credits thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder credits. That's it. Correct. And then we get an updated version of the theme song with a monster that is some sort of devil frog that does have a butt. I love that song. That's how it is. Scooby-Doo has an incredible theme song always has. Oh no, I'm at devil frog. Devil frog. Devil frog. Croaking devil frog. It's a great song. Rib it through the ditches and jump through the witches and swim through the swamp of my devil frog.

23:27Oh. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. You ain't got the recipe like I do. You got that vocal fry on it. I'm so sorry. Rob Zombie possessed me for a moment. And then I had to cough it out. Devil frog is just chasing the moron. But and here's the thing that was like getting me is that like they're chasing incredible theme song. Love it every time. I do love that theme song. I was joking about devil frog. Obviously. Yeah, it's great. Every version of it's left. Yeah. There is a shot where the monster runs away and just clearly has like little butt cheeks. And I was like, why do we draw this? I was wrong with devil frog being kicked up. Is it okay? I mean, there's a green ass. So probably not. I think the only reason is because it would have looked weird if they didn't like proportionally. It would have. Yeah. But then he's just like smoothed down the front like a kendo. Anyway, they pull the mask off.

24:28Peter Lupus or I'm sorry, it's Mr. Beaman. My dad always used to say Peter Lupus is the fake name for Scooby Doo. So like anytime we pulled off a mask as kids, he'd be like, I would have done it if it wasn't for you, mentoring kids. And we'd be like, Peter Lupus. I think that might be a real person. I don't know. It's always a question with my dad. Paige, I'm just so glad I didn't interrupt you. Oh, because what? Hold on. American bodybuilder and actor. And then he has a son, Peter Lupus, the third. Well, wild. All right. There you go. There you go. But that was, I think my dad just thought his name sounded funny. Yeah. And decided that that was the fake name for every mask that came off on Scooby Doo. But that's not a thing. Like Scooby Doo doesn't have like a, oh, it's always this person. No, no, no. Like it's not like his name is Robert Paulson. It's like a different person every time.

25:28But boy, would that be his sterile? Yes, it is a different person every time. Yeah. I think my dad just thought that name was so funny. Yes. Anytime he did the Scooby Doo act out. I'm sure it was one part of the last name. Yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah. Mr. Beeman is the one in this movie. Okay. And he's like, and then they explain the scheme where it's like, he, the real estate agent, he was printing counterfeit bills. And what we thought was mold was actually ink because that's how a normal Scooby Doo episode goes. Right. Where like, they would have found like, what's this? Is it mold? I don't know. What are all these plates in the basement? Someone's printing counterfeit bills. And then by the time you get to like, unmasking the guy, they basically clue their way through the end of the episode of like, and then the cook was dead. It's essentially Dora the Explorer. Like it's that farbola. A little bit. Is maybe this is why our generation's a little messed up. We watched 9-11 and then on Saturday mornings, we watched a dog instead of Dora the Explorer

26:29and the dog believed in ghosts. But then his friend would explain basic true crime to us. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. Sorry. I don't know who to tell to stop swiping though. Probably friend. Definitely for it. On Grindr maybe? No? Who know? Or on Fat Life or Phoebe? What's the one now? Field. Field is the new app. Is it? Yeah. Man, I'm so glad Natalie is in my life. Thank you. I'm just like, I'm so happy with that. Like I could not be. Yeah, it's great. I only know because I hear jokes about it. I'm so sorry that that's still a thing for you guys. I know. I have a friend who's on hinge and sometimes they let me swipe and message people on their behalf and I enjoy that a lot. That will be fun. It's just ultimate improv. Yeah. Or I'm just like, yes, I would like to go hiking. Where someone's life is at stake. Yeah, too bad. You shouldn't have had to be your phone. Yeah. Sorry. You're not going to find the love of your life. You should have known better than to hand your dick joke friend your phone.

27:31Think about it. Literal famous rose comic. Don't do this to yourself. My text flirting skills are withering and dying because I don't have to do this anymore. But that was the one part of dating I was good at. And so yeah, give me your phone. I'll get you a date. But then you'll have to get an earpiece so I can be in your ear the whole time. Just like my father, the hero. Yeah. Well, you want me to say serenade to Bergerac? What am I a nerd? God, that movie's so awful and disturbing in so many ways. What do you expect from Gerard Depp Hardo? Thank God for little girls. Thank heavens, but it's not any better. Anyway, flash forward to the future. Yes. Where Daphne is on a TV show because she's talking about her talk show, Coast to Coast, where it's like a travel channel type show. And she's like, this year we're doing a series on haunted places in America. And they like cut to Fred, where they're like,

28:33she's out there with her one man production team Fred. And I was like, oh, they got married or something. No. Because why else would you be someone's one person production team unless they were print and fat checks? And I don't think she is. I mean, Paige. Yes. They're just besties that like get it. And they do love each other. She's the dumb. He's the sub and there's a jealousy component. I don't think she's into it like that. But I mean, I don't care. It's whatever, I don't, whatever. But she definitely more in development. And that's girl, that's fine. That's fine. I mean, who wouldn't be in development? I'm not clearly the hottest one of the bunch. Velma's the best. Yes, Velma is the best one because she is the only one that's paying attention. And yeah, she got it like that. I'm gonna text my husband and see what he says. Yeah. Who is the hottest lady on Scooby-Doo? If he says scrappy-do, we're getting a divorce.

29:34Punch scrappy-do right in the face. Ha ha ha. He's the worst. Scrappy is the worst. Paige, while we're waiting for a reply from your husband, can I just ask this question? He said Scooby and drag. And honestly, I feel like there's a bug's bunny-type component that like we didn't consider. Why is Jake always right? Ha ha ha. Paige, let me ask you this. Sure. If you were famous for being in the mystery machine. Correct. And you were trying to like get a TV show deal out of that. Right. You don't think your first season would be on haunted places? Yeah. Like this is her second season. What did they hire her to do in the first season, coast to coast? That wasn't mystery machine related. I think she's got one of those jobs that only existed at this time in the 90s and doesn't really exist now. But I don't know if you remember 1998, where they just used to send pretty girls to other places with microphones. And they're like, I'm here in Ibiza. And we're trying, and that's the whole show

30:36is them just going places, like a magazine that is also a TV show. I actually do know what you're talking about. You know what I'm talking about. I do know. Yeah. The way he just described it was insane, but accurate. It's accurate. And then Anthony Bourdain did it better than anyone else. Oh, 100%. Ever. Yes. And now no one tries to do it anymore, because they're like, we can't do it better than Anthony Bourdain. Yeah. So. The Brits back in the day did a lot of great travel TV shows. It wasn't something that we did very well. No. It's a different vibe. It is a different vibe, but that's where we get Kunk on Earth and Kunk on Cinnamos, the new one that's coming out. I haven't seen it. Films. What are they? I love Kunk on Earth. She's so funny. Well, and it's making fun of that type of show. I think that's what we also, we had a local Southern California version of this hosted by Hewlett-Hauser called California Gold. And he would just like travel to local places in Southern and Central California and be like, these are avocados. That's amazing.

31:37Paige, I could never be on a show called California. I cannot say that other than California Gold. I like it. That's the thing you have to say. I like that. Don't alter your first draft at all. His catchphrase was, bloods and boys said like that. I think that's what Daphne is doing. But I secretly hoped it was coast to coast radio, like with George Norrie, only spooky things and people calling in and be like, the Malians took my wife and then she came back and took the kids and divorced me. Like that. I wanted that. I was in the Philadelphia experiment and that's all I'd done. That's my foot. Like that. I wanted that. So you want to hurt it be like Delilah, but for spooky, you want to hurt it be spooky Dinaffney. Dinaffney. Yes, give it to me. Hard. I mean, they essentially have like Daphne and Fred just fired Scooby-Doo and it's a Velma

32:38and Shaggy because like they're doing the show. That's my point. They are doing the show without them. They just fired everybody else. They're just like, were the pretty ones? Your writers, you go that way. Exactly. I do love the Velma has a mystery bookstore which we will, because essentially on this TV show, they're like, don't you miss the mystery team? She's like, I really do miss them. And Fred's like, I know I'll do something nice for my wife, slash mistress, slash dominatrix and find all of these people to make her happy on her birthday. Yeah. And then we see where they are. That's why they get back together. They're just like broken up for no reason at the beginning. I didn't think they were ever supposed to be apart. Yeah. And then they're immediately back together like 10 minutes later. I was like, well, why? Why did we even do any of this? Because we are now 15 minutes into the movie, but you could have just picked up with them

33:39still being a team and like why that served no purpose. But also, I realized in that moment that I'm just watching like what hit the cutting room floor of the Scooby-Doo cartoon be pieced together into something that might seem like a movie if they voiced over it correctly. Todd, I'd like to pitch you a better version of this movie. Please pitch away. Essentially, mysteries ink Scooby and the gang are just Ed and Lorraine but teenagers. So if they're constantly finding guys and masks, they don't really believe in actual hauntings anymore and they're just doing it to pay the fucking bills. But oh no, they find a real fucking haunting and they have to full blown ask the Vatican to let them do an exorcism. Of course they let Scooby do it. You think Scooby do speaking Latin isn't the funniest thing you'll hear all day and that's your movie. And essentially like conjuring two but with Scooby and the gang instead of Ed and Lorraine.

34:40I mean, I am definitely here for it. Print me some money. But page all you're doing is pitching the Riverdale version of the Scooby-Doo series that you were talking about earlier. God damn it. I want it so bad. Like that is just that. That is 100% just that. Can I turn in a packet for it? Please let me write it. I just want to be a part of it. I just want to make sure it comes to frutation. But anyway, yeah. So they are broken apart by the beginning of the movie and then put back together again. Moments later, but this is where we find out that Shaggy and Scooby work for TSA. Sniffing for contraband and they just call it contraband and they're finding like wheels of forbidden cheeses and stuff. But at the same time, I'm like, if you were fucking brave and this wasn't for five year olds, they'd be sniffing for drugs because they've done so many drugs. And it would be Shaggy on the ground drawn like Scooby, also sniffing them like next to

35:41each other. Yes. Like in the cartoon sense, you know what I'm saying? Right, right, right. It would be perfect. Yeah. Page, I agree. And he would just like sniff sniff Sativa. I do think that this is trying to keep it kid appropriate, but very much signaling to adults what's happening. But this is also pre-911. It is. So like we didn't even have that TSA wasn't even that strict back in the day. You just walk up to your gate and shit. No, but I mean, I guess the thought would be like, of course, if you were carrying drugs in the airport, they'll arrest you or whatever and confiscate the drugs and wheels of cheese, of course, you know, and wheels of cheese. And that's what the kids are going to focus on because who doesn't love a wheel of cheese? But like there's obviously some funny, smelling oregano back there. I think that they definitely ate as well. Okay, but it's only because they weren't brave enough to make them dare officers, which I know they would never do that funny as hell. Yeah. If they would be hilarious.

36:41Would be hilarious. No, they're TSA and they have essentially confiscated a room full of shirkutri. Yeah. And then eat it all and get fired. Yeah. Yeah. In their defense, that food's gonna go bad. It's not like a lost and found where you can come back and get your shirt later. They're not going to send it back to Italy or wherever that because it is Gorgonzola. Yeah. So we're going to eat the cheese and meats, guys. I'm sorry. Of course. But they were literally just like handed a job immediately. Like they're like, you're fired. Right. Oh, phone call. Oh, hey, it's for you guys. Oh, hey, Fred, how's it going? Do you need a job? Yes, I need a job. Like it was resolved that fast. Immediately. Immediately. And then we cut to Velma's bookstore where she has dinkley's mystery books and they're like, do you want to come help us out? And she's like, oh my God, please, I have restocked the Romanticie section four times. I got to go like I'm out. I have so many paper cuts. Yeah. You really shouldn't rub up against them like that.

37:43I think you're doing it, Rock. I think you're doing it right supposed to read the words. I mean, potato potato. They're going to New Orleans where the fact that they like, they go to New Orleans, a place known for spooky things. Oh, peace. Yeah. With like amazing food and architecture. So many options. And we get essentially just a montage of dudes and masks that could be cut from any Scooby-Doo episode at its entire run. There's nothing New Orleansian about it. And but with a great soundtrack. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. But like when they get to New Orleans, because like the soundtrack stuff is like the montage of them getting right, right, right, right, like the other episodes of the show, I think, just around the country. And now their travel show has made it to New Orleans. And they pull up to like Jackson Square, which I'm saying that because Fred is eating just a shitload of shit. A whole tray of Benye. A Benye. I want them so bad.

38:43He's just like putting them right to the dome. He's not focused on what they're there to do at all. He could not give a shit less. And I love that because Benye's are great guys. Benye's are incredible. But they're like, I wonder if I'd be able to find any haunted place in New Orleans, which like, yes, stand up and look in any direction. And then someone is like, oh, are you looking for a haunted place? I live in a haunted place. Come to my haunted place. It's like every plot is immediately resolved. Yeah, well Todd, it's actually dumber than that. How is that? But please, yes, I did not think possible. But yes, please explain it. I wrote this down because it was shockingly dumb. They arrive at the mystery machine. They surprised Daphne. We're all going to get in the mystery machine. And she's like, we're going to the first place where I know we're going to find a ghost, New Orleans, which means they were in New Orleans for the entire montage. Wow. They didn't go anywhere else. They've been in New Orleans the entire time. I mean, he did really have a lot of Benye's. So maybe I mean, he was like, you know what?

39:44He started out when they first got to New Orleans. He's like, I'm only going to get to, but by the time that this takes place, he had worked up to like 15 Benye's. Oh, yeah, easily in one sitting easily. I would get them in bags and just eat them walking. That's how you do it. It's like, guys, no joke. They're great. I'm not knocking it, but like get him in sightseeing. You got to keep moving. Yeah. Yeah, he got to keep moving to work him out. If you don't keep moving, your blood clots. Like, yeah. This January, Bear Nuckle Fighting Championship takes over the ocean. The inaugural Bruce Crew sells for Miami to the Bahamas aboard the Norwegian Jewel. Three straight days with pool deck Bear Nuckle fights in the Caribbean. Mess of parties. Beach events. DJs. Sagar's. To kill the tastings and non-stop action. The lineup reveals coming soon. Cabins are disappearing fast and the prices won't stay this low. Reserve your spot with just $200 down at BKF. The last time I was in New Orleans, I got off the plane and there was a, there was a

40:48cafe demand in the airport. Oh, yeah, there is one now. Before I even went to baggage claim, Cafe New Orleans, I just got like a whole bag. It was like, thanks y'all. I'm just just got right back on the plane and flew back. My luggage is covered in powdered sugar. I fucking love New Orleans. Me too, man. I dig New Orleans a lot. And I actually kind of love that it's kind of takes place quote in the area. It's very much just like nondescript by you after they leave this scene. So yeah, it's just recycled matte paintings from the rescuers. It is. Yeah. You know, don't worry about it. But they, they meet someone at essentially like the farmer's market or I guess Jackson Square where he's eating all the baguettes. Yeah. And she's just like, I'm a chef at a haunted place. Come back with me. And I was like, have we not learned anything from the Wicker Man? Right. Come and by this, I mean the Nicholas Cage Wicker Man specifically were women lower people to their deaths. But I mean, that's essentially what they're doing. Yes. And I was like, why would you ever follow a stranger to a second location like that?

41:51Cause Fred's a big dummy. Fred is a big dummy and he seems to be into her. And Daphne's like jealous about it. Would you again for me feeds this thing of like they're broken up, but they still fuck or something like that, you know, that couple? Sure. Maybe I got a different vibe. I don't know. The couple that breaks up, but they're like, I can't break the lease. And so we have to continue to live together. And so they basically are like air quotes broken up and still fucking. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe, maybe I honestly every time Fred like says about Lena being hot or whatever, he also like looks like did they buy it? Like it's like that kind of vibe. So like, I don't know. Maybe, maybe I've just said if he tried to kiss me late one night when he was drunk, I wouldn't be shocked, you know, no. And for all we know, he's a by king. And that's real like no, by a ratio here, maybe he's into all of it. Who knows? Meanwhile, Shaggy and Scooby are getting a po-boy. Yeah.

42:52And at this point, I clocked it in that we are about 20 minutes into the movie and I shit you not around 16 minutes of it has been montage. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, I know what Scooby do. But I know, however, that's a lot of montage, not a lot of story. Page for a second around this time when I was watching it, I legit thought, wait, is this like a prequel kind of, and did they just yada yada yada them filming the first season of the cartoon Scooby do? And then I was like, no, that would be insane. And it did turn out to be insane. That is not what happened. That is not what happened. I was like, what is happening? Why is, anyway, it's shocking to me that they were in New Orleans that whole time though. Like shocking to me. But they're only in New Orleans for like 30 seconds in that scene. Right, right, right. Because Lena's like, oh, hey, I knew a haunted place. I live there, come with me. And Fred's like, I'll follow that lady anywhere because he likes to keep him guessing.

43:52Sure. And so like, they all follow her. They're just like, yeah, great. They'll follow the attractive lady who invited me to his second location. Trick. It's always a trick. Nobody is keeping both their kidneys. That's all I'm saying. No, all the kidneys are gone. Or Scooby's going to have to read the Latin exorcism rights. And I can't fucking way. It's going to be great. You know, he says, a spirit to sandwich. You know, it would be sandwich. I know it would be a spirit to sandwich because that's where his mind is all the time. So he's like, barfing blood. He's like, if I had said like, oh, we got to find a haunted place so we can shoot our ghost TV show or whatever. Right. And then someone was like, oh, I know a haunted place. Follow me. If follow me includes us, chartering a boat to go off mainland. No, I know. I will drive there with you. I'm not going to get on a boat. It's a fairy, but by what I can only describe as Wilford Brimley from heart target.

44:55And like, but with an insane accent, the likes of which we have not seen since Channing Tatum was gambit, just like, come on, Sharon, you killed Magneto. Like that level, ladies and gentlemen, like, like that nonsense. It is very like Saturday morning, cartoon of the 90s. Yeah. Accent. We want you to sound Creole. Do you mean like vaguely offensive? Yes, yes, we do. Yes, yes, yes, we do. Also, your name is Jacques because of course, last name, Tibido, Boudreau, who's to say? Who's to say? It doesn't matter. Have another binier. Kick it back. You're not going to make me look like a cat at the end of this movie. Are you? Yes. Yes. We in fact are going to make you look like a cat. 100%. And then at one point, you'll show up and just have like, are this really like, oh, I'm here now energy. Right, right, right, right, right, because we explained nothing about you before or after. Exactly. You're like, oh, I guess he ran over from where we saw him last in the last scene, I guess,

46:01whatever. I guess, but they get on the ferry, but Scoob and Shag fall off the ferry and get picked up by what I can only describe as the love child of crocodile Dundee and John Voitz character from Anaconda. That's real. That's not a knife. This is a snake energy. And that guy's name is snake bite. And he has a hunting pig named Mojo. And he is seen twice and never again. He's not even a reliable red herring because he's just immediately gone. First off, how dare you, how dare you on this green earth say that they just fell in the water? That bitch big Mona, big Mona, like pull them in. Big Mona, big Mona, big Mona. Big Mona, big Mona, not pig Mona, it's pig mojo, fish Mona, fish Mona, known aka big Mona. Correct. Like goaded Scooby in first off. And she won't be caught. She like will not. She's the worst. Big Mona's the worst fish. She needs to be free Todd.

47:02She deserves her freedom. I love it at the end of the movie when she's literally in the net. And then Scooby just like flies by and it like jumps out of the net. It's so stupid funny to me. I was like, hell yeah big Mona, you keep on swimming girl. Real free willy energy. If it had been Scooby with his hand in the air and big Mona like jumping over and grazing his fingers as she jumped out to the sea and died because that would be salt water. But like, but you know what I'm saying, it would be beautiful page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. Come on big Mona. They finally get to their destination, the island and it is full of cats. Yay. And a hot gardener. Thank you. And no one else seems to appreciate this. Certainly not Scooby who was chasing the cats around the island, which is causing a big problem with Simone, who's the homeowner. But they kind of show up and they're like, hey, let's just do MTV Cribs kind of at your house.

48:02Yeah, hope it's clean. Yeah, because the homeowner's Simone, she has no idea what's going on. No. She goes up her employee is like, oh, hey, I invited guests over to videotape the haunting stuff that's happening in your home, ma'am. In your home, yeah. But I mean, obviously she's a villain and they're there as bait like to be, you know, I don't know, like their life force absorbed. They didn't really like suck blood. It's just like they suck out your life force. That's a green energy thing. They're energy vampires. Yeah, yeah. They're energy vampires. Vampires. Vampires. Yes. I forgot vampires. Yes. Anyway, they go in the house and they're offered lunch at spicy gumbo. They also reveal that like this island is where they grow like the hottest peppers. If you think that's going to come around to be useful, it's not. They're just going to eat a bunch of them. They do explain it though. Yeah. But it's not ever useful. It's really just set up so that we can get no joke.

49:04I think four different beats of Shaggy and Scooby eating and reacting to it being hot. That's it. Yeah. That we will get to that section of the movie momentarily where over 20 minutes pass and no story has moved forward. And Shaggy and Scooby have just gone back and forth from the kitchen to eat. I will. But I will say that they are the ones that see the spooky things. Like that's when the spooky things will get there. We'll get there. We'll get there. We'll get there. We do cut to like Velma gets levitated and then they get a writing on the wall. This is get out. Beware. Yeah. And we see they like real back the tapes the EVPs or whatever. Yeah. And they see a pirate ghost. And at this point, I realized that even though we have not covered it as much in talking about it, at this point in the movie in my notes, 20 minutes of the movie had just been eating and we are almost halfway through the film, which means we're like 37 minutes into the movie.

50:04Yeah. 37 minutes is when I clocked this, which means that there had been three more minutes of just eating than story. There is 37 minutes. We have 17 minutes of story, 20 minutes of eating and montage. Yeah. You got to remember page this movie is for five year olds. Yeah. And that is probably why I kind of liked it a lot. Well, and but that is also why like I mentioned earlier that everyone's lines are exposition because they literally have no room for anything else that isn't shaggy and scooby eating things and getting stomach upset about it. Yeah. Why and then stumbling into spooky thing, Benny Hill and then boom. Right. And then because everything else is so tell us about this house. Well, this house has been here for 200 years, like or whatever. And that's it. Like we have no other characterization, nothing except for the few times that they want Fred and Daphne to be in a weird tiff. They're really good friends page. But it's in this scene where Velma comes back in and like with a spatula, like rips up

51:05their drywall to see the ships like name. Mailstorm. Yeah. But essentially they're like, yeah, we did maybe use parts of that ship to build this house, which at that point reminded me of that haunted item show where they're just like blood has been pouring from the walls. We have crazy dreams. So when tried to push me down the stairs and they're like, do you have anything that might be haunted? And they're like, well, there is this doll I found on a grave. And you're like, duh, like, what? Why'd you pick the grave doll up? Is there an owl in the home? A big one. He vars confetti into the sky. Also it's our grandmother. Dan you rock a doodle. Anyway, you draw an owl right now. That episode was nuts. An episode is crazy. But that's one clue. We have one clue that the pirate ship is part of the house. We don't know what that means yet. And technically when it turns out to just be magic at the end, it means fuck all. When Simone came in, the homeowner, and she was like, oh no, yeah, we used old wood when we built the house 200 years ago.

52:07I was like, oh, it's you. You're the bad thing because you're 200 years old. So like, you are the bad thing. We matriculate a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Say it, vampire. Vampir. Honestly, guys, just cute pictures of cats with fangs, vampire. Just give me three keepers. And then the fangs, vampire, also 1000 by Halloween. Yep, yep, yep, vampire. I actually at one point had a sweater that was like a drawing of a cat with fangs and a full fuck off Dracula cape with a collar that just said vampire underneath it. It was great. Adorable. But Shaggen Scoob, eat hot peppers. They have to like race to drink water, but then they like go to eat outside because they're just ruptured. And this is where they like end up in one of this like almost like a dug ditch. And they unearth a zombie hand and a green swirl happens. And the pirate zombie comes to life. Yeah, they see some shit. They see some shit.

53:07Like if I saw this, I'd be like, we are leaving now. Yeah, wasn't those shoes. No, I mean, they legit that could only be magic. Like that's not animatronic. That reassembled terminator style, but it's bones. I'm out. Like no, thank you. Well, and they like jump out of that thing and they run into the gardener and everyone's like, it's gotta be the gardener. I was like, just because he has brown hair and nice shoulders doesn't make him the villain. Okay. Yeah, guys, guys, because all of us can relate to those things. I'm just saying that's usually the thing. No, I mean, you're right. And he is another red herring because it's not him either, right? No. But you know, because it is just cat magic, I suppose. But this is where Daphne sees the gardener into like, you know, to keep the fellas gas. And she's like, oh, wood, wood smash. I would totally get smash burger patty vaj on this guy. Like she's just like really performative about it. Like I don't buy it for a second. I mean, wood.

54:09Haha. Wood. I like, I know he's a cartoon. And yeah, do we file him under Dmitry from Anastasia? Yeah, we do. Okay. That could have been Greek to me. I don't know. Maybe some Aladdin in there. Some Prince Eric a little bit. Oh, I got you. Yeah, these are just the cartoon princes you would like to hump the beast before he changes. Okay. You know, not the Michael Bolton version after you get it. You get it. Yeah. Anyway, Simone is like, you guys should stay for the night. And they do see an owl outside, which like, watch out. There's a lot of stairs in that house. So when you're picturing sexy times with the beast, are you picturing human dog? I really do think, and I'm sorry. I have to bring this up page. You're the one that brought you not blame me for this because like, that, my question is how unattractive do you find Michael Bolton that you, you're like, I don't know, man, even

55:11though it's between a dog or Michael Bolton, you're like, no, I'm taking that dog D, like fully if it's the beef plow on me, like backslaps into fur please. Yes, the clap backs, like have a silencer on them. You can't hear them because they're just smacking those furry thighs. Page. And he's so soft. But yeah, so like, that's what we're talking. Like is that, and it seems like you've done the calculus and you know you've decided. I mean, I'm mostly just picture me teaching him to read. So for you, the attraction is nonsexual, which is the better version. I just made up some wildly nasty fan fiction that I wish I had never thought or said into a microphone. You know people have written it. I, when I was in Austin this past weekend, I went to one of my favorite romance bookstores, Flutter, and they had a whole section of just monster fucking.

56:15I was just like, it's infected all of us. You know, he really loves you when it gets stuck and he can't pull it out for five minutes after completion. But he don't criticize knocking. Don't criticize nodding. I would never criticize New York. Yeah, I love it. It's great potato based pasta. I'm here for a page. What are you talking about? nodding. And if you understood where we'll floor, you would get why it's kind of hot. We don't need to get into it right now. But like, I can't wait to hear about it. I'm sorry. I'm thinking of the beast nodding. Somebody is just breaking my brain. It's so awful. That's what the question is, Paige, because you would rather experience that than have sex with Michael Bolton. You know what? Yeah. And you know what? I bet somebody's already drawn weird tumbler porn about. Probably. Now we're back to the sad part. You gotta get back to the movie, Paige. Man, I am so sorry.

57:16I talked to the grossest question I've ever posed to anybody. Inside the Scooby-Doo episode. I know. God, I can't believe I have to say what I'm about to say. I'm so sorry. Should we do a content warning? Maybe. Don't listen to this with your ch- I'm so sorry. I view Scooby and the beast completely differently. Like the beast is more human man, I guess. What you're picturing is a human dick and it's not what the beast got. I'm just gonna say it. He is a beast, Paige. But he gave me a library. Are you- what is happening? Just saying. I'm just laying the options. Yeah, yeah, like you haven't already done the calculus. I've never considered it. Yeah, I mean, I'm bad at math, but- Meanwhile, she's putting peanut butter away so I can't see it in the camera.

58:18Now I'm just picturing my fully human husband, like, licking peanut butter like a dog, just like, no no no no no. I bet. No. It was so upsetting. I'm sorry. Yeah, I had to ask. You made- it was a requirement. Oh, I made you. I made you. Yeah, it made me but like- Hold on. What are you doing? I can't believe I'm about to Google what I'm about to Google. The beast. I can't wait for you to read the Google AI summary about the beast's dick. Human dick. Oh, weird. It was the tower from the little mermaid. That's- Isn't that the one where they thought that was a dick or looked like a dick? Oh, here we go. Reddit. Thank you. It's on Reddit under our slash stoner thoughts. Does the beast from beauty of the beast have a human penis or a red rocket? We don't have an answer. Page, we- Yes, we haven't- Yes, we know.

59:20Oh, no. That's why it was a red rose page. Somebody said spined. I don't like that. Anyway, he's got cloven hoofs, so he's not a dog. So it's not like a- You'd rather have a go penis. What are we saying, page? No, I'm saying that it's maybe it is human because he's made of other parts from a bunch of other things. Guys, I want a bunch of no context comments on Spotify just weighing in. I just want you to write dog or human. No, those are not the only two. Don't even write penis because I don't want to have to go through every one of them and approve them for being like, risk a or whatever. Just dog or human. I got to know- I got to know what you think about his dog. I got to know what kind of dog is on the beast. Okay, the enchantress said that he had to make someone fall in love with him and one would

1:00:24assume that a dog penis would be an impediment to that. So perhaps she did a solid and gave him a human penis. Page, you think he was running around there fighting wolves with a goddamn human dick? No, page, no. Think about what you're saying. I don't know why the wolves would make a difference other than the fact that they'd be like, the fuck is that? Yeah, yeah they would. You know what I'm saying? You know, I'm saying beast. Hold on. I think we got a pole Jake. Page, we can't- we are so off topic. Well, yeah, this movie's only 76 minutes long. We got a whole podcast to make. A dog dick. I'm so sorry. I asked this question. We're a human dick. We'll see what he says. We disagreed on the arms and legs conversation. So if you recall, I think quadrapedal animals should actually, the front ones are arms,

1:01:31the back ones are legs, like dogs and cats. Anyway, we'll see what he says. Are you asking Natalie? I'm going to ask her to come in here because I want to see. No. Hey Natalie, come here real quick. I feel like he's going to respond to just be like, what movie are you doing? Okay. Do you think the beast from Beauty and the Beast while he's full on beast mode? So before he goes Michael Bolton, human dick or dog dick? Human dick. She just said human dick. I firmly disagree, but that's the way you've thought about it. Well, I mean, I haven't really thought about it. Sure, sure. Yeah, I believe you haven't really thought. He bought her a library. You've thought about it. Jake said human dick because he's actually a venture capitalist slash real estate guy tried to scare children away from the food banks. He can bulldoze it for a data center, but it's real weird looking and they botched his circumcision. So it's weirdly dog-like. So that was my husband's answer. He says Jonathan Ware penis esquire.

1:02:34Why is Jake always right? I don't know, but later I'm going to Google beast from Beauty and the Beast nodding and upset myself all over again. I can't believe I was able to make why is Jake always right? A callback? Well done, Jake. Anyway, back to this movie for children. Oh, yeah, Paige, we probably need to get back into the movie, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, they think it's a gardener, but it's not. And under the dust of the mirror, because Shaggy and Scooby-Cee a ghost, a civil war ghost in the mirror, they do establish it as a Confederacy. And that guy thinks them later in the movie. Not only does that happen, that's the guy who's holding Shaggy and Scooby when Daphne goes, it's okay. The zombies are the good guys. I was like, no, Kai, could have been any other zombie guys. Zombies rights, it's no, it's bad. It couldn't be, yeah, it's the war of zombie aggression. Like it was definitely, you could have used the zombie who was in a Hawaiian t-shirt.

1:03:37Right. It's a zombie, but this is how they make them go eat dinner and kind of like sleep in the van where they're like, oh, she whipped us up a crawfish boil to go. It's like a whole boil. Okay. I mean, I just think it was one of those things where she was out flirty fishing. Sure. Sure. Yes. They knew they were going to have guests and so they made a bunch of food. And so she just had some, it left over already made in the kitchen because they made a bunch of food because they don't know how many people they're going to bring, you know? True, true, true. But outside the van, there's a green swirl and zombie start walking out of the swamp. They take off running, they run into the gardener. Meanwhile, everyone else hears them screaming so they go out to search the swamp. They also run into the gardener and he's like, they're over there by the bayou screaming about zombies, but I ain't seen shit. And this is where they're like, we got to split up gang as happens in the second act of any Scooby-Doo episode. So Fred and Daphne go off to have their little fight. Meanwhile, leaving Velma alone with hunk of hunk of burning gardener.

1:04:38And he saves her from quicksand, you know, just like Wesley and Princess Brad. She's like, get your hands off me and he's like, he picks up that rock and then throws it over her, which is aggressive. Also, yeah, it's a little aggressive, also like a flex. You know what I'm saying? Like, look at how strong I could lift you so easily you're going to love it. Oh my god. Toss her around. He throws that big rock into the quicksand. He's like, no, you would die. I just saved your life and it showed you how I would have saved your life. It was very funny to me. Yeah. But she's like, oh, thank you. And then Fred drops the camera in that quicksand in like 10 minutes because Fred's the worst. Fred is the worst. But Shaggy and Scooby tumble out of the foliage while Fred and Daphne were having like a little relationship fight with them, a zombie. And they try to pull the mask off. It's not a mask. It's a real zombie. I mean, the cardinal rule of every Scooby do episode or whatever and we get an even longer chase montage.

1:05:39Yes. Which ends up with Shaggy and Scooby finding an altar with ceremonial ritualistic dolls made out of wax. Yeah. And a bunch of bats. I mean, but they're not doing it. They're just bats. Bats are great. They're just bats. Bats are being chill. But they're just like spooky. But they do find the dolls and those are the things that are allowing to like let things levitate. You know, because this movie explains it with no, don't worry. It's just like magic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, they hear a scream. So everyone else runs back to try and take care of Simone because they're like, oh no, they might be hurt. And Fred's like, yeah, my new girlfriend might be hurt. And Daphne is like, oh is she? And they have like a weird tip about it. It's they are weirdly snippy at each other. And then after they're like, isn't it kind of romantic though? And I'm like, what is this? What kind of weird swing her nonsense is this? They're definitely going to have a forceome with Velma and the gardener. I definitely think for different reasons, they would be into that.

1:06:41Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. However, they get into the house and she's like, oh my god, they stole my boss. They dragged her down to this thing and they're like, oh my god. And they follow her. But they're, but Velma's like, what do you mean dragged? They're just footprints. And they end up in essentially their ritual space. Yeah. Like what? You're in on it to everyone. Oh, everyone is a vampire. Everyone's a wear cat, including Jacques on the boat because Shaggy and Scooby make it back to the van, try to drive the van under the ferry. And he's just like, I am also a vampire. Just like, where Wolfcat? Yes. What kind of dick do you think he has? Page. It's a cat dick. We all know it's a cat dick. It's a cat dick. Yes. It's a cat dick. Anyway. They then are like, before we kill you, in the before times, we worshiped a cat god for the harvest and then the pirates showed up and then the plantation with the pepper showed up. And we weren't getting any of it.

1:07:42So we just started killing tourists and it made us young. And we just kept worshiping the cat guy. And then we needed like a guy with a boat. So then we let him be a cat guy too. And yada yada yada yada yada you get it. They're all evil vampires. Yeah. And whenever they suck someone's energy, they become one of the zombies, more or less. Right. Right. Right. And the zombies really are just like trying to warn them. Right. Right. Right. They are benevolent zombies where they're just like, brain. Use your brain. It's get away. Yeah. Cat penis. Yeah. It's definitely a dog dick. Yeah. I don't want to think about it. I would accept arguments to hear that Michael Bolton has a dog dick, but I feel like that's a whole different conversation. I hope I never find out. Me too. But this is where they're like torturing them with a little wax dolls and then Velma

1:08:43like gets a hold of one of them and Velma does voodoo, which then curses them. Well, she takes part of their clothing and swaps out their clothing. And that's like what tied the doll to the person. Right. And so now she can control them. Right. And then Scooby and Shaggy accidentally pour hot pepper or spit hot peppers onto Jacques the big cat man. That's how it comes in page. That's how they bring it in. Yeah. But all of a sudden, they all just kind of like fade away and start dying because they hit the time on the moon dial when they were supposed to have already eaten people and they didn't. They miss cat o'clock. Yeah. And I think that their moon dial had ticks for the time, but the very top one was just a cat just a cat. Yeah. But that breaks the zombie curse. So all of the zombies are now free because their spirits are avenged. And then the gardeners like surprise. I've been an undercover cop this entire time investigating the disappearances and murders on this land. And Velma's like, chinkies and he's like, I own a bookstore.

1:09:45Do you need health benefits? And he's like, I will rail you. Yes. Yes. And at this point, it's very, because this is also where Fred and Daphne are very like, it's kind of romantic now that the zombies have gone back to the swamp. And at that point, I was like, for some, definitely going to have a for some, but then they all get on the ferry and the ferry leaves. And I was like, well, who's driving the ferry? Because that was Jacques that they killed. Well, was it Shaggy and Scooby? Like, were they like, well, I guess we got to find another job? I guess. Because the TSA is not going to take us back. No. That's the movie. That's the movie. So I've seen the movie and he talked about the movie. What did you think about Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island? I think I'm going to stick to the live action version, but I did love talking with you about it today. Yeah, I had a blast watching it, honestly, because it is just like a cartoon for five year olds. And I didn't hate that. But it's, is it the best movie? No. Like, if we're going to compare it to like a conjuring page.

1:10:47Sure. Or even a riverdale, if you like. Like, you just can't do as much in this formula. Correct. So yeah, I liked it for what it was. I'll say that, you know, I would definitely throw this on while I'm decorating for Halloween. It's like perfect for that. But outside of that, maybe not again. Anyway, Paige, do you have any fun facts for us? I do. Well, here it is with your five facts. Scooby Funfax. Scooby Funfax. This film is dedicated to Don Masik, who was the original voice of Scooby-Doo. This film also marks the first time that someone besides Casey Kasim had voiced Shaggy. The reason being, Casey Kasim refused to be in the movie or provide the voice of Shaggy, if Shaggy would not be vegetarian like himself. Wow. And unfortunately, Shaggy eats both a poboi and crawfish in this film. So instead, Shaggy is voiced by Billy West. This is also the first time in any Scooby-Doo property where Scooby-Doo shows aggression

1:11:47towards another animal. In all previous series, he's kind of friendly towards not only cats, but others like mice, gofers, chickens, etc. That's because they're not a part of the evil thing he's hunting. He's not against cats. He's a great detective and he's not sure why. Yeah. No idea. Now, we'll get to this in box office because there's not really a box office for this, but this sold well enough in the home market that this led to a series of direct-to-video Scooby-Doo features. But this is the only movie not executive produced by William Hanna and Joseph Barbarra prior to their deaths. And the first movie that doesn't have a special thanks to Joe Ruby and Ken Spears credit at the end, who were the creators of the characters originally. But they are given sole credit. So Hannah Barbarra is given sole credit for creating the characters when in fact, it was just their company that produced it. There is like a feature that talks about this.

1:12:47And in that feature, it covers Joe Ruby and Ken Spears, but later films all say based on characters created by Hannah Barbarra productions as opposed to just Hannah Barbarra. Now, incidentally, the next film to not credit anyone in the same way in this franchise is Scooby-Doo, the return to zombie island. So apparently they go back. I mean, it's a story so nice. You gotta go there twice. I guess, Daphne being the believer and Fred being the skeptic is a reversal of their roles from a pup named Scooby-Doo from 1988. This is the first Scooby-D production that alludes to a romantic relationship between Fred and Daphne, which has been made fun of for a long time because it is a willy-wanty or whatever. But they get jealous of each other when Fred takes a shine to Lena and Daphne is interested in Bo, the detective. Velma also forms a friendship with Bo, but denies an attraction to him. Although at the end, I feel like it very much suggests that Velma and Bo were gonna get down. Yeah, I got that vibe too.

1:13:51The whole conceit of this movie is that mysteries ink had never met a real monster before, but that's technically not true. Because together, as a group, they'd encountered several real supernatural monsters and beings in Ghost Who's Coming to Dinner from 1988, Mystery and Persia from 1973, Ghost of the Ancient Astronauts in 1984, and a Halloween hassle at Dracula's Castle, also from 1984. Love that title. Come on. I know. So good. The entries made between 1985 and 1988 had real monsters, but only starred some of the crew. And these were basically TV movies that were like special episodes within the existing seasons. Now, Glenn Leopold, who wrote this, also wrote other episodes of Scooby Doo, which I think is maybe part of the problem, is that he's like used to writing an episode and is like, how do I make this an hour? But those credits include The Night Gule of Wonder World from 1979, 20,000 screams under the sea, also from 1979, and The Ransom of Scooby Chief from 1980.

1:14:56All right. Now, at the time that this came out, Scooby Doo was a current series character and was considered for the movie, but it was rejected in favor of the return of series favorite characters, Fred Daphne and Velma, because Scooby Doo has been notably unpopular. Yeah, for good reason. Yep. In previous seasons of the show, Daphne was colloquially called Danger Prone Daphne, not necessarily in the show, but when people talked about the show, because she is constantly kidnapped. When a zombie reaches for Daphne, she flips him over, indicating she learns himself defense. Subsequent films and series would follow suit in order to move the character beyond the stereotypical damsel in distress. But if you are a story structure procedural nerd, every Scooby Doo episode is the same where they are coming off another case. It turns out to be a guy in a mask. They get a lead on a new case, Scooby and Shaggy eat, and stumble onto some sort of spooky thing.

1:15:56They then discover their first clue. They split up. Daphne gets kidnapped. They have to go find Daphne. They find the second clue. And then they get chased by the monster for most of act three, then find the third clue that helps Velma solve the case. Yep. So it's every episode. Yeah. Every episode. There are a few in jokes where like Shaggy is trying on a new outfit, and it's exactly the same clothing he always wears. Yeah. Fred putting on an ass got and then deciding not to wear it, which is pretty funny. Yeah. Excluding the prologue and the flashbacks set in the 18th century, this movie is allegedly set over a time frame of two and a half days. I disagree with that because of the montage of them finding other cases. That definitely has to be other like that definitely took time. And I'll end on this one. The voice recording sessions for this film were the last ones to be completed at Hanabar Vera Studios before it permanently closed in December of 1977.

1:16:58And those are your fun facts. Well, think of those fun facts page. I would normally talk a little bit about box office, but there isn't really any for this because it very much was a straight to DVD or straight to video at the time release. It did very well though as you alluded to. Like it was mentioned in a magazine in 99 where it was still on billboards like top charts. It was 19 for movies like home movies sold and that was 58 weeks after it came out. And four years later after it came out in 2002, it was still on the charts and it jumped back up to 18 because the live action movie came out. And I think it just generated more interest in this movie. True, true, true. So anyway, I don't really know how much they made off of it because nobody tracked that for public sources at least. So I don't know, but it did very, very well. But again, in the home market did not go to theaters. So that's your box office. But page you want to hit us with that scary scale? Ooh, our scary scale is the scale of how scared we were when we watched the movie today

1:17:59with one being Ghostbusters and 10 being Texas Chainsaw Massacre. How scared were you Todd? Definitely a one. It's a cartoon for children. It's definitely not scary at all. I think I'm going to give it a one as well. And that is your scary scale. Yeah. Page this week, the listeners made us watch Scooby Doo on Zombie Island. What are we watching next week? As we begin our always October theme sequel month. Well, just like we lost Tim Curry, we also lost a real one in your edgy banister. And so we will be finishing our coverage of Phantasm with Phantasm 4. And maybe our special Reggie guest might come back. Yeah, who knows? Yeah, we'll see. Do you have any reviews for us Todd? Yeah. I'm going to read a review from our most recent It Part One episode. And I'm going to read Pear because they say I went to clown college and I'm here in East Tennessee. Oh, there you go. I teach erotic clowning. So let's tell me everything.

1:19:00Tell me information. Let's do it. What is erotic clowning? It helps with essay survivors, decent McDonald's, their experiences. That makes sense. Helps sex workers find their character without losing themselves to their incredibly difficult job and generally helps people have better, more authentic, more fun sex. That makes a ton of sense to me. Like if you remember when we talked about clown college last time where we talked about clowning essentially being an exploration of the super ego, like your most authentic self. Yeah, I feel like it can go both ways of being your most authentic self helps you have the most authentic experience, which is great. But also having the freedom to play in a character to explore parts of yourself that might be too vulnerable or to guard parts of yourself that you're not willing to expose to somebody yet. All of those explanations make sense to me. I'm sorry I laughed at it. That all tracks. No, Paige, so that is exactly why I wanted to read it because I went on the same emotional

1:20:02journey reading it the first time that you went on. It was like erotic clowning and I was thinking like mo the clown doing a strip tease. Like that's the first thing I saw. 100% that is what I was thinking. And then when I read the explanation, I was like, oh, that sounds kind of awesome actually. That's great that that exists. That makes sense. I wish I wasn't so stupid and I knew that going into this. But I learned about something and I'm fine with that. That's great. But yeah, no, so that's why I wanted to read, pay her and their message because honestly got me and yeah, it sounds great. Good job. Keep up the good work. Yeah, keep up the good work. Yeah. But if you want to have me read your Spotify comment or five star Apple review, leave us one of those things and I'll do just that. So guys, if you like this show, but want to hear Paige and I talk about romantic comedies or just regular romantic movies, check out our other podcast, something I call it a sister podcast called Romancing the Pod where we do just that weekly. It's a lot like this show, but for romance and romantic comedies because Paige doesn't like them. So we like make her watch them just like you guys make me watch horror over here.

1:21:04But if you want to follow me, I am at Todd J. Awesome and all the social media. Paige is at rampage Wesley on Instagram. Yes, and TikTok and TikTok and just Paige Wesley on Twitter because you got that before some CEO lady and she wanted it, but you wouldn't give it back and I respect you for that. Refuse. Also, Paige is. She's talking other Paige Wesley. Paige is also on another podcast. It's great. You should check it out. It's called Cult Podcast with our monitor. Who was a wonderful person? And guys, we got a PO box. So if you want to send us some love letters or whatever you might send to a PO box, it's actually not a PO box. It's like a regular street address. It's pretty awesome. It's 66688 Nolan'sville Road, number 108-34 Brentwood, Tennessee 37027. So send us some stuff. And if you want to support this show, go to patreon.com slash horror version where there are a lot of great levels and a lot of great things. We do the Patreon shout-outs at the beginning of every episode. We do listener requests stuff like that. Bonus episodes.

1:22:04So you'll be getting all of that content plus episodes a day early with no ads and who doesn't love that. So sign up for the Patreon and get a lot of great stuff. And that's going to be it for us, you guys on Paige. And I'm your horror virgin Todd. Keep it, who be spooky. Yeah. Have an amazing week, guys. Bye. I think we should do the live action Scooby-Doo nerds. This January, Bear Knuckle Fighting Championship takes over the ocean. The inaugural Bruce Crew sells for Miami to the Bahamas aboard the Norwegian Jewel. Three straight days with pool deck bear knuckle fights in the Caribbean. Mess of parties. Beach events. DJs. Sugars. To kill the tastings and non-stop action. The light up reveals coming soon. Cabins are disappearing fast and the prices won't stay this low. Reserve your spot with just $200 down at bkfsea.com.