#201 - John Wilson

0:00I need a lawyer. New CBS Thursday. We're taking on Silicon Valley lawsuits. No one else will. The fight. The Jackson overall is real. I know these companies. You're being surveilled. Get through. From the creators of the Good Wife. These tech pros meet guardrails. Where are the disruptors now? Comes a new series critics are calling compelling and insightful. Does anybody not paranoid? No, we just got a win. Cooper Tino, new series Thursday 109 Central. Part of CBS Premier is streaming on Paramount Plus. Oh, welcome, everyone to Stavis World 904 800 stop. Call the Stavis hotline sponsored by visible. We'll solve all your problems. We have on the couch today very pumped John Wilson on the couch. Hi, man. Honestly, the only guy we've been pissed at a guest for out doing me. No. I've been brutally hat-mogged. Oh, yeah. On my own. To beat the... Look, I know it's an audio medium. Half you have no idea what's going on. John is wearing one of the most tremendous pieces of headwear I've ever come across.

1:04He's wearing a novelty sailors cap. It says Captain Horny on it. It was a gift. It was a gift. What did you do to earn that hat, John? I think I was... Yeah. You were a horny lieutenant first. I had the bad haircut. No, no. How dare you. That's a beautiful. I know you would like it. Thank you, man. I really appreciate that. I appreciate that. You're a horny. You know what? Which is interesting. Because people might not know that looking at you. Because you do... You have... Yeah, you look at my movies. You look at... True. But maybe as a... What's the fucking... The guy who looks the voyeur. The documentarian is a voyeur by nature. Yeah. It's kind of funny that, you know, I think documentarians don't always, you know, they're not always forward about. Of course, you know, the kind of perversion of the documentarian.

2:07The document... At its core is a perversion. Which I appreciate about your work. You know, because it's funny to lean into it. It is voyeur, and I think you have this beautiful like... You have an invisibility cloak of looking like a mild-manored guy. Normal guy. Normal guy, but there's a sick fucking there. It's a real freak. There's a real horny captain in there. Yeah, you develop a sickness over the years. That's a non-fiction film maker. Absolutely. And I like it because I like when it's... When you just... A little glimpse. Just a little glimpse. I mean, and also as... I should wear this... Yeah. When I go out and shoot, I feel like... I feel like... You'll get different... You'll get different people coming up to you if you ever came in. You got Captain Hornio. It would be awesome if just one thing you do. If you... The way you cut into these insane people's lives from time to time,

3:08one of them is just pornographer. Just... P-N-V on camera. I just... I got to find the right network. You know? We're getting there, dude. The point where nothing means anything anymore. We're gonna get to like... There's just a feed that everyone posts everything on. There's just a chronological... We're getting to the slap conveyor belt. And we're all eventually... We'll just put our stuff into like one... You know? Oh, the feed. It will be called the feed. I mean, I... I feel like I predicted this to myself. Oh, yeah. A little, you know, just... I think before AI was like a real thing. I was like, you're just gonna have the thing you want to see. It is... It is made. Mm-hmm. It is made somehow. And then it just... You watch it. And then everyone just sees what they want. You know? Just doing the thing. But like... I don't know. I feel like that we're halfway there. We're in a very strange period with AI and stuff right now. Where everything's just kind of misspelled and like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go go off. I know.

4:08Even someone who hates AI and is against it... We are up against... It's a real foe. Like, the idea of like... I love being like... Fuck AI, it's not gonna work. And on some level... I do think when push comes to shove... It is missing... There is just a... Intangible element. It will always miss. Mm-hmm. But that could also just be like... Human romanticization. And the reality is, no, it's not. And nothing we do is actually that impressive. And... Mm-hmm. Eventually computers will figure out. And it'll do. And yes, I will be able to watch John Wick fight Goku someday. You know what I mean? Like, because of... It's possible that they do that. Right now. And then Bulma comes out and she pulls her tits out. Yeah. That would be all. That's what you want. That is... Yeah, and then at the end after I beat off... They like just show me like steak videos. It kind of just takes... Honestly, what's gonna happen is they'll take your feet. Yeah, my feet is all like... Chicks with huge tits, people really steak. Yeah. And then like clips from Dragon Balls Beasts.

5:08I've gotten into a Dragon Balls Beasts. I've gotten... I'm kind of reconnecting with my youth right now. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. And so I've gone back to comforting things. So that's... Yeah, no problem. Huge tits, grilled meats and, you know, cart DC. What was it? Did you have a... Did you... I remember there was an episode where you had a bunch of Matrix action figures. Oh, yeah. But what was your like obsession as a... As like a teen or like young kid or whatever? Were you a DBZ guy? I was a DBZ guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I liked DBZ a lot. Yeah. I think that's actually culturally. There is no greater bond for millennial men than Dragon Balls. He across all creeds, religions and cultures. I mean, how... I thought... I was just jumping at the bit to try and mean it. Well, I was just gonna say, I don't even like anime and shit. You mean I fucked with DBZ? Everyone did. And like, and black guys did too. And not just anime black guys. Like cool black guys, like DBZ. Mexicans love...

6:08You'll go to Mexico City and steal mural of Goku. Like, like hanging out with fucking Jesus. Like Goku will be doing a bicycle kick and like Mother Teresa will be fucking getting scored on in Mexico. You know what I mean? Like, there is something... And I would love to know other cultures because I bet you there's random nations that love Goku that we don't even fucking know about. The history of Goku. That's your next fucking... Okay, yeah. Sorry. I don't know. I don't want to go to Comic Con. Yeah, that's true. What if you did it on non-comic? Actually, Goku in his non-anime zones is a kind of a... I'm not telling you to do it. You had your own fucking... Not anime zones. Like go... Like Mexico City. Like, you know... You... Yeah, just throw any ideas you got to throw at it. Let's pitch. Yeah, yeah. And we should say the movie Tom is actually going to promote his history of concrete, which is really fucking good. I was... They sent me... I got sent a screener. And I watched it so fucking high. I was like, damn, this is awesome.

7:08And the next day I was like, let me formulate some opinions and questions. And I was like, wait, I don't fuck room. I'm a single thing that happened. And then I went and watched it in theaters that day. Because I was like, fuck you, dude. I know I like this. And I also want to experience it. I even tried watching it twice high. No. For real. I watched it. I've watched your movie three times. Wow. I mean, that's the way to do it. Yeah, it actually... I think there's something to that. Yeah, I think, yeah. You just kind of just let it... Yeah, I don't know. I think it's cool to see it. And I have seen it though. It feels more transgressive. It feels like it shouldn't be there. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. It's fun because it's a comedy. Because the laughs are interesting because you have an understated style that is fucking hilarious. And a lot of it is... A lot of the humor for me is like, you're caught off guard by how quickly you fucking... You basically speaking of Goku, you basically instant transmission into different worlds. Yeah. And like in one moment, you're in a grocery store the next moment, you know, a guy's got...

8:10Maybe one of my favorite things in the world is when that guy's got his cock on his headboard. And we just see... Yeah. We just see some guys... Kind of big cock. Get his four-skinned stretch. And he's just a mild man or dead. Beautiful memory. He has. Has. He's still with us. Yeah. But he stopped making the four-skinned restoration device. No. Yeah. Like, he... I thought that the episode would kind of help boost his sales. Absolutely. The TC Tugger. Yeah. It's over the TC Tugger's done? It's... Yeah. He stopped production. And I think he laid off his one of two employees. And then... Now he's busking. Last I heard he was busking around England doing his four-skinned restoration songs... On the street. Didn't he have a wife and children? He does. Yeah. He's living his best life, I think. Empty Nester. I don't know. I still have my TLC Tugger, but I... You're the clipdye soon.

9:10Yeah, I'm cl... Yeah, I'm cl... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever try to tug her out? The Tugger was tough because I didn't like... I would have needed to... It's not fit to me. Right. You have to have it kind of... He needs to take like kind of measurements of her. Oh, he needs to... Yeah. The guy. Well, you send him in... I don't know. He gave me a stock. God, Tugger. So I haven't like... I haven't... I assume it doesn't fit. Right. Because my penis is either bigger than small. You'll never know. That's this guy. That's why this guy's a great artist. He just said it won't fit. It's up to the eye of the beholder to know why. Yeah, but you know, there's a lot of... You know, dragon ball kind of in the work. You know, a lot of powering up. There is a lot of powering up. You know, that's kind of what concrete... Yeah, that's in there too. I don't know. Yeah. Well, I was just saying like watching... Yes, it was awesome to see it. And if you're in New York, you should go see it at IFC.

10:11If they're playing it somewhere. Because it is cool to see... I mean, also just like the... You're around people that would go see the move. People you would... There's like a weird sense of community when you see something in a place different than normal. You know what I mean? Like people like your show... You know, for years it was... The show you had was How To with John Wilson. Great. Have you ever seen it? Fucking watch that. I don't know. You probably don't make any fucking money anymore of that. I don't know, not really. Do you get a little dime when they go to HBO Max? W-G-A sends me some checks and... Oh, okay. But it's not really that much anymore. That's fuck, dude. Yeah. So actually fuck watching. I don't know. I watch history. No, no, no. You should watch it. Because... None of it makes any sense to me. I don't like... Yeah. I don't know. Whatever. You kind of just have to make shit and hope. Somehow it leads to money. Yeah. Again, I don't know how this happened. That this is the only... This is the only industry that makes money and entertainment. I don't know how podcasting the worst one. Truly the least art form of art there ever was.

11:15Like, what if radio was shittier is the question? Yeah. How did we become the only thing when it's like, yeah, your shit is... You'll fall. And another thing I love is you'll just randomly just... I love the... Just needle... Like not needling, but like just kind of seeing how far people will take it politely though. You're never anybody's face, but you'll randomly ask someone to go on a road trip with them, for example. Or you'll ask someone... Or you'll fly to Rome. Yeah. Because you heard the Roman Empire head self-healing concrete. Which one of my favorite parts of the documentary? Oh, yeah. I know. I was nice to have the different languages in this picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, trying to communicate with like Italian cops is like... Yeah. Really great for comedy. Yes, yes, yes. They were awesome. Those guys were great and then you try... And they did have self-healing concrete, which is fucking fascinating. Yeah. Like the liar, some shit. It was like, rainwater, like, fucking ass.

12:15Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the limestone. I don't know. Every time it rained, mixture, it would... It would self-heal if there was a crack. Again, this is like how the pitches went, which is why... Yeah. Like, it's just why we didn't like have any money for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you're just like giving people like real like kind of reference textbook facts about cement and concrete and ecological kind of horror stories about it. Yeah. But... And then by the end of it, like, they're just so bored. Yeah. I mean, it's a weird pitch. Yeah. Because then it's hard to... To say all that stuff and then say like, but something fun. But something funny is gonna happen. Yeah, yeah. Which it shouldn't be, by the way, because like, of course, like... It's the set... Like, you're like, this is the setup. Well, concrete is the setup and you find the series of punchlines throughout it.

13:16You find the humanity, you find the like... That's the whole thing. And if these fucking dumbasses had seen one episode of your show, they would... They should understand what you were going. No, it doesn't. If I had to like pitch any other titles, any other like episodes from the show, the same way they're concrete, it would have been just as hard. Yeah. Yeah. Where it's like... You... It's like, I don't know what's gonna happen, you know. It's like, we'll take roughly a year or two. You know. And I'm just gonna, you know, follow whatever is funny. I don't know. How many... It was a couple of years? How long have you been? Yeah, like two to an half years. Okay. It's good. It's fucking awesome. It's hilarious. Oh, yeah, sure. This episode is brought to you by Visible, the smartest upgrade this season. Isn't it new phone? It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stubby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got to give you assistant. She loves it.

14:16She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stubby's World Hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at Visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the premium Visible Plus Pro plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code staff. Terms apply. I do want to go back though, before I do want to close the loop on you were a DBZ guy. What other stuff were you in through as a child? What was the type of shit you were playing with? Playing with. Or that like, you know, peaked your interest as a young boy. I think I was, I don't know, I was always a movie kid. Okay. I always had like movies around. Yeah, I don't know. I VHS kid or like a VHS kid.

15:16Yeah, I would edit VHS tapes together. Oh wow, holy fum. And just like make weird stuff. Like in camera, you would do edits or you. Yeah, really. I don't know, it was fun. But I don't know, I was in like musicals as a kid too. Oh, hell yeah. It's just like, I would add flair. Yeah, I was in Dam Yankees. And yeah, I played like the baseball, like, Hunk. Oh yeah. You know, and what's that? It's not funny. It's not funny. It makes sense. It makes sense. Shut the fuck up back there. We're trying to do an interview that people are interested in. You're going to be fine. Sorry, sorry. I was thinking of something else. I know, I know John is Captain Horny. Yeah. How dare you besmirch Captain Horny's ability to read as a heart throb in middle school. Yeah. On the day of my podcast appearance. Not this one. Captain Horny when he's got the hat on, Elders, for fuck's sake. Yeah, give yourself a boo you piece of shit.

16:18Did you see yourself at the hunk at that point in your life? No, I was like a, I was a, you know, hair was dyed black. You know, I had like black fingers. Bigoth. I was like kind of the emo. It was like Long Island emo, you know. Long Island emo. Like that. I had a big phase like that, you know. And. Duster, you ever with Duster? Duster. You go full length. No, no, no, no. No, it's Columbine tough. No, no, no, no, yeah. Not Columbine. She. More just like, I don't know, type, like, type clothing. Yes. Kind of stuff. Yeah. I was like a period of like where I kind of was just with the emo kids for a second and then. But you know, I still have a great fondness for that. I didn't realize I thought that everyone in the world was emo at that time. Right. I realize that it was like a long island specific like thing in certain ways. Well, you had two options at all long Island that that period it was emo or it was pretend to be black. It would be like, yeah, it was a word that we're not saying anymore.

17:20But everybody knows what it was like. Oh, yeah. It was the W and it ran for the horrific slur. Yeah, that word. That word was bandied about a lot. A lot. Oh, yeah. But that was basically like if growing up on long Island was like a fucking final fantasy or whatever and you could do the like the like tree, the chart, the skill tree or whatever the fuck. Uh-huh. You had to decide whether you're going to go emo or you're going to be a friend of the show Brendan Sagalo, for example, like a fat little long Island kid that would, that died his hair blonde to be like Eminem. Oh, yeah. You got to go Eminem or you got to go like sort of, again, not Charles or taking back Sunday, yeah, taking back Sunday. That's the one. Yes, yes, yes. Um, yeah, that was, I didn't realize that so many of those bands were just from long Island when I was like listening to them and stuff. Interesting. I don't know. I did not think I would be talking about this too. Well, we need to figure out what Captain Hornie's on the back. No, this shit's fascinating though because it's like when you're so, when you're like an emo child, or is that one that, when did the camera first start come out?

18:24Because I will say it's so pathetic to think about. I used to do a podcast on my little cassette. Like my parents gave me like one of those cassettes with a microphone. Yeah. And my grandfather from Greece would send tapes of Greek music. And I remember my dad getting pissed at me because I was like, I was taping over my grand father's like, mixed tapes. He was making, it was maybe one of the only forms of communication, you know, two, two generations of repressed emotional men. Yeah. My dad and grandfather never got to the bottom of how my dad moved into America. And I could tell that was the great, in hindsight, that was the great like regret of my father's life that he'll never admit. And now he's just, by the way, repeating the same mistakes, whatever, whatever. It's fine. But as a fucking fat seven year old, I would hear like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and I'd be like, oh, folks, we have some more shitty music to cover over. And I would just be like, and I was like, so today I was, I was literally podcasting,

19:27pathetically, in my, in the little like computer room, I'll just remember the little room off, off my living room. Me and I'll just have known each other. We were four years old. Yeah. Before I jacked off in there, I used to be a podcast at like seven hilariously. And I would just talk by myself. And if I heard a good song, I'd be like, hey, this was not bad. But anyway, so what I'm saying is I do feel like very early on, there's just signs that you're going to be who you are, where you bring in the, the mini DV out when you're, yeah. Well, I was shooting on like high eight. And I don't know. There was like, you know, there was a, there was the music, you know, music phase, but it was like blended with the movie phase, I think to begin with, but it was, there were never emo films. Never emo films. No, they were like, they were kind of like movie spooks for a while. Oh, six. Just like, you know, but they all have my name in it, you know, like John Warrant. Branding. Like smart. John Warrant. John Warrant is awesome.

20:27Yeah. John. You're thinking at the time as well, I'm a brand, these are brands and I'm a brand. Yeah. Time to, time to John, John X clockwork. This is what the people have been, this is the collapse. People have been waiting. We did a lot of Kubrick like, like full metal, John was another. Have full metal. He's awesome. Fuck, dude. I want the criterion, the John collection. It's not there. I want to be on a turtle neck talking about how groundbreaking. It's on all the, all the tapes I gave like, I, I, in like around college or something, and I went over and I watched all the tapes at a friend, a neighborhood friend's house that we would make the movies with and I left them all there and I don't know where they are now. So it's like, which, you know, if there's any gum shoes out there. Yeah. Get out there. They're out there, but I hope you don't find them. I do. I do. I'll just hire a, hire a gum shoe to get this good along island, start harassing everyone that ever bought it, taking back Sunday album.

21:28Yeah. Get on a narrow now. Long Island medium or long Island, what is it? That show, Long Island Psychic. I believe it's Long Island medium. Long Island medium. Didn't somebody just have a joke about getting jerking off of the long Island medium son into parking lot? I think they did. I think I knew so. Fuck. That's a joke. Yeah, it was a joke. It was a joke. It was a big, I think she started mentioning that she's thanks the Long Island medium out there and you think it's just color. Yeah. And then it all comes back around it and actually turns out she jacked off his son in a car. Lamp. You heard it here. Yeah. One of my friends maybe had a joke about it. It feels like from the open mic days that feels like a, like, I feel like I heard that at Creek in the cave. Well, you know, if it wasn't true, you manifested, I think. True. Yeah. Well, someone's son jerked off the long Island medium. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Someone's daughter. I'm not joking. I made someone's son jerked off the long Island medium son. I don't fucking know what he was up to.

22:29I love finding those tapes. I've been going on a lot of estate sales and looking for tapes of like things that like, you know, say like wedding or something. Yeah. But then like a couple of times it has been classically like recorded with like a pornography or like some other weird shit. I love that. I mean, my, me and my brothers found my father's pornography and it said Barney. And it was why it was, it was literally bar and it starches Barney so that at one point it had Barney on it. And I guess my dad was like, all right, my fucking bitch has sons of outgrown Barney. Yeah. Time to jack off. And literally it was a, we've talked about it before. It was speaking of spoof. It was a fast times at Ridgemont High spoof. It was called like fast times at Ridgeley High or. And that was the erotic film. Yeah. He had taped over it. So I guess he bootlegged fast times at Ridgeley High over a Barney post. What was it called, Eldis? Did you find it? You're looking for it? I promise you I could find the title in one second if I tried. It would have been so much cooler if it was like a Barney like, like Purple Man.

23:33He takes the shit off. Yeah. The guy takes the shit off. Yeah. He cuts a hole in his cock. He just cocked through an off brand purple dinosaur thing. Yeah. Interesting. So you found, and was it amateur pornography or? No, it was like, it was produced stuff. But I don't know. I'm always just looking for like, if there's ever like a tape in a camp quarter at like a thrift store. It's like, there's always something like that's never been digitized on there. Totally. Which is like, I don't know what I do with this stuff. I usually just like, just throw them out or like sell it at a yard sell or something after I like after you digitize it. Yeah, I looked through it. Some of it's not worth digitizing and not worth like, you don't like some of it. You just like don't want to have sure. Yeah. Sure. So you have an incinerator in the office. Yeah. I don't know. You roll the dice. You buy everything cash. Yeah. You want no paper trail. Some of these random long island video tapes from the 90s.

24:34Yeah. You know, yeah, I don't know. It's crazy what people, you know, people don't have nuance about like the kind of stuff with art making. And it's like, you know, I think about the P.V. Herman doc a lot, you know, not to go full P.V. here. Sure. You know, please go full P.V. I think people just dig out stuff and backing off. Ah, well, not it. He like, he had all this like vintage erotica like in his place, you know, but they when the cops found it, they like tried to make it seem like that was like, uh, yeah, to brave there's something like that. But it was like, you know, yes, that's surprising. I don't know, but it's also like these are like kind of beautiful like paper, uh, at the same time, you know, and it's like has a collector or just like, as just like an artist who's doing weird shit like that. You do have a bunch of weird shit. Of course. I'm not, it sounds like I'm trying to dig my own. I was like dig myself out of a hole. I was looking at that stuff artistically.

25:34I'm more so just like, I know exactly what you're reading. I'm into people. I would, I wish people were more open about the weird shit that they maybe had in their house. Of course. Everyone's constantly denying it. But I think it's like, I know what you mean, though. I think that's a lot of what your work is. Truly is like, you know, not to tell you what your own shit is. But what I love about is that yes, you start with something that's like how the history of concrete or how to fucking make restaurant, uh, or how to split the bill or whatever the fuck, right? Uh, and it's like, well, what is this bullshit? You know, I mean, like, what is this some fucking like, you know, but it almost feels like the trappings of the, the like, uh, you know, school sex sets are like, you know what I mean? Like, like these old, almost like news real footage of how to brush your pussy, you know, how to wash your teeth or whatever. Brush your teeth. Not, you know, whatever. How to like have hide you know whatever. And immediately, you know, your POV is interesting.

26:35It's like, well, there's just some fucking guy holding the camera. And then you take these, what seems like banal questions, you're like, and then you just dive into these worlds and, and peel apart how even the most bullshit question, the most simple bullshit question, there are so many layers of humanity underneath and so much weird. Everything is so interconnected and that's, there's so much. I, that's one of the things I love about all your stuff. And so it makes so much sense to me that you're like, what is this seemingly normal object and what does it tell us about the people that owned it or like, you know, and, and particularly video, I, like that is fascinating because people in the 80s and 90s, they thought no one would ever see their fucking home. Yeah. No. You could really go buck wild back then. There was no, yeah. There's no getting hacked. No one had to worry about the shit on their phone. And I bet you there was some really good amateur pornogue that we'll never see, that we'll never see the people were going. Because even now if you're getting, if you take a video of yourself getting your things

27:37typathetically, in the back of your phone, on your phone, your scared that someone will hack into your phone and see your little eyes, dick, hypothetically. Yeah. Yeah. That's why you just don't, yeah, I don't do stuff like, I don't, I don't have anything like that on my phone. I believe you. Yeah. I think I, I think you would make a million dollars if you took some kind of like unhackable, but if someone hacked your camera. Okay. If you, I think that's a great idea. Yeah. You got an hackable porn out of your hand. Yeah. Immediately gets hacked. I know. Yeah. Like, hello sharks. Yeah. Mark Cuban, if you ever worried that people will see your penis and say it's not that big, even though you're getting it stuck by an objectively pretty hot girl. But if you're like, if my logic is like, even if you do have nasty stuff. And someone hacks it on your phone, it's like, that's bad on them. Sure. And it's like, if anyone is viewing this thing that was meant to be private, I don't

28:41know, depending on the severity of what the thing is. Of course. But like, it's kind of like, you know, and you know, easier to say is like, I don't know, as a guy too. I don't really. Yeah. But it's like, it's that that's porn we're off to worry about. Yeah. That's like a shame, that's like an extremely shameful act, kind of behavior, you know? So it's like, but I think about that, like, I, you know, I don't like to have, I don't know, like sometimes I keep my blinds, you know, down because I just like, I just don't like the thought of someone maybe like filming inside my heart. Some sick fuck like you lurking out. Yeah. But it's like, I don't know. But you know, if it, but if that were to happen, that's bad on them, depending on how it's like used or. So do you see the like, sir, a potitious footage you obtain is bad on you? No, I feel like it's a, I like to be on the razor's edge of kind of what's okay and what's not. I think that's what makes it kind of exciting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know.

29:41It's like, I feel like I told you this before, but you know, I used to work for a private investigator for a little while. I love that. And like, one of my favorite details about you. And it was, I don't know, you trained your eye in a certain way. And I think there's something like more kind of erotic about the banal, you know, sometimes and like, like even just like a funny like gesture or something like that can be like so much more exciting. Oh, yeah. Then like a fucking car crash. I mean, no offense is your movie as a car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you're stand-up special ends with a out of nowhere car crash, for example. Oh, yeah. The car crash looked really good. Yeah, you guys did a great special. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it. I do what briefly the private, how long did you do that? Because that is I have always been obsessed. I really love detective private eyes, shit. I love all that stuff. Like, and I know the reality of it is so much.

30:45It's not a guy with a fucking trench coat. There's no like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, you know, like what? No, it's just like a guy in a tinted mini-van. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really the most unromantic thing. They just have a license, you know? Yeah, and they just like go out, they'll stake out someone's house for hours, waiting for them to get out, like walk out of their wheelchair. Right. And a lot of insurance, right? Yeah, like work'em in, yeah, work' compensation kind of stuff. But you know, I would take, they would have broken cameras and stuff and I would always take them and kind of like tinker with them and like try to, you know, I would use them for myself. Yeah. I also like started a blog where I would like take some of the footage and like kind of like make little like gifts out of it. But you know, it's just for like me and 10 friends or something because it's, you know, you can't really like, you can't do that. No, you can't do that on the clock.

31:45Yeah. In the middle of an ongoing investigation. Yeah. But yeah, that is what always shocked me about a private eye. It's like, it's literally just a guy. It's a guy being annoying. It's a guy. There's no other, it's a guy like being nosy and asking questions. It's not that hard too. It's like there are certain databases that you could just access as a civilian also. Yeah. It's like not really that hard to look up every known associate, every, you know, like place you've ever worked lived, you know, it's just like a guy that's not really that hard to look up every known associate, every, you know, like, a place you've ever worked lived, you know, it's, it's not that hard. Did you do any investigating for your own like, did you do, was ever like anyone you wanted to take down, they got dirt on. Oh, you have any enemies. Never really enemy focused. And the word. I don't know. I think like even for fun, was there a guy you didn't like? You're like, I bet this guy did some fucked up. Or do you know, do you, do you take no joy from that type of thing? I don't know. I feel like I, you know, I never, I try it.

32:47When it's one, when I start to get into exposé territory, I begin to be like, what's going on here? Right. Like if I'm really digging up dirt, it's like the person's got to be, I think, pretty evil or something. Yeah, I just meant for yourself, not even for work. Like if you ever, because I have a, I do have a friend. Anytime somebody crosses him or or us or anybody, he, he knows some of these databases. And we found some hilarious stuff out about people. Oh, yeah. But that's just for us, just to laugh, we would never expose them. We all get a really funny thing where we, there was a different time where you can just, we had a different enemy. And you can, and he had like some, you know, I don't remember what it was like drunk driving or maybe, maybe this guy pulled his dick like a different. Like a sexual, like, you know, I think he pulled his dick out or something like a peep, like not peeping Tom shit, but like, you know, expose themself somebody. And you can record the MP3 of the court recording.

33:50Oh, really? But on the docket, it'll say someone requested these files. So a sort of light, devious thing to do is never, never, never like use the information for evil. But just, it's possible that they got a call from their lawyer like, hey, just so you know, someone asked for the transcript and the MP3 of this. And that, if somebody wronged you, look up their old cases and look up information. I bet it will at least make them think like, fuck, who's looking into this? Oh, wow. Yeah. I love, I do have revenge is something I like. I mean, yeah. It's something I take great personal joy from. I don't know. Yeah, I feel like I've done that. I mean, I've made a couple of kind of like revenge or kind of spite films. Yeah. I think just like when someone wasn't paying me like for like a gig or something. Of course. Like, yeah, I made this, like, yeah, this guy woke me like $1,000 at one point.

34:53And I just like, he was not responding to me. And I did something really juvenile, you know, I mean, this was like a while ago. Yeah. But I was just like, I called, I looked up his LinkedIn. I called every single place he used to work and talked to the boss and said, this guy was me money. And they're just like, this is not the place. Yeah. What a funny. Imagine being that boss. I'm like, okay. Yeah. The fuck do I get some coder that worked for me nine months ago? Some dickhead, I don't know $1,000. Yeah. I was on like a kind of a reputation like kind of a spree. Yeah. Yeah. Just in case he needed to go back, go back to his old employer. No, I think twice the next time they offer a reference. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I just, you know, I think it's, it's not right. Yeah. I agree. And fuck that guy, by the way. Fuck that guy. That's what I say as well. He's a fucking piece of shit. You grew up on long on. You were born in Queens, right?

35:53Yeah. And then you're, and now you're a Queens boy. Yeah. I think I've spent more time in Queens at this point than Long Island. But yeah, I grew up, I went to Skull and like all school on Long Island. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But yeah, I don't know. I always just wanted to be back in the city. I get that. Just because like, I think Long Island is a cool place to grow up. And I feel like I'm like, I'm appreciating it more now that like I am an adult. I have a car. Totally. And just like see different parts of it. And there's just like, it's not, I don't know. But there, there's, it's, there's a lot of interesting stuff there. Yeah, I, I don't think I'd ever, I'd gone and do a movie. There was a gig at a movie theater that was pretty good that I did a couple years ago. And a buddy just got married there. So I drove out all the way to the end of it. And it was fucking nice. Where, where, how do you eat? It was, it was like, it was all the way Montauk. Oh, cool. And yeah. And I'd never been out there. I mean, the weather sucked thick. It was a nori-star, whatever. But it was, I was like, wait, why the fuck haven't I ever gone down island?

36:56Or like, we're like gone thrifting or some shit or like gone to the beach or something? Like it is funny that it's like, it's like, it's a couple of wrecks. I don't know. Yeah, you're right. It's like, because yeah, it is like hard to find the diamonds, I think. Sometimes we don't know. There's a great burger spot. I think you'd like all American burger. Hell yeah. It's the best. It's got like 90s prices, you know. Great name too. Yeah, it's delicious. Got robbed recently. Someone's fucking text you. It's better be good. It's the first mate on the SS horny. Captain horny, there's a lot of pussy here. We need someone to fuck it. Sorry, turning off my phone. No, it's all good. I don't give a fuck at all. I just hate like getting text messages. I know what you mean. And if you have a group chat too, because sometimes it's like, wait, is it an emergency or something? I mean, it's like a lot of people are going to have a one of my friends just have a fucking meatball sub and wants to tell me and eight other fat guys about it.

37:56If you never know if it's like an emergency is happening or the promised thing of all time, or someone wants to say, you know, that someone wants to give their resident evil opinion? Just don't know which one if you're getting blown up via text. I don't know. Do you find, I don't know. Yeah, I like to have a certain kind of like piece. I think when I'm like not actively, I don't know. Like when I'm like shooting something or doing something, I don't know. I just like when I'm getting there like a bunch of text messages, I'm just like it really takes me out of like whatever is. I mean, this is not new, but it's like, yeah, it really does like distract me. And I'm just like, not that people can't text me. It can text me. I you. Sounds like you're fucking going on record. Don't text. If you have my number, don't fucking text. It just if I'm on Stabby, don't text me. Don't text when the when the when the captain's here, man, when the SS is docked downstairs, and he's about to get on and his ship is full of girls with huge tits down there. Do not text him. Do not text him. I mean, I feel like when you're when you're in the middle, like, because I feel like all the text is shit because I'm with you.

38:56I feel like I've just existed in a state of comp perpet. I just gave over to perpetually being unfocused. Like everything I've like, I've had a really, I've done a lot of shit the last this year. And I don't think I was locked in for one moment. In fact, for months, I was really addicted to edibles. Like I was doing I was acting so high sometimes because it's like, because a lot of times you have to talk. That's the secret with acting. You're like, oh, this is a visual medium. I just have to be in the background making a fat face. I should be like, you know what I mean? I never do that five times. So there were and look, I wasn't planning to be fucked up. I just hadn't figured out. You know, you smiley frown. Yeah, you smiley frown. There's like, and it's not listen. It's for me because I let me also be very clear. I respect the good actors. The stuff I do is like so easy. It's like bully somebody. It's like, you know, be horny, you know, whatever. Well, you were in some civilian was the most recent thing.

39:57Tony, the movie. Tony, oh, great. Yeah, great job. Thank you. But that was super fun because it was just, you know, I like that movie. It's very not. Yeah, a nice normal movie. Normal movie. Matt needed to make a normal movie. Normal. No one's killing themselves in this one. There's no, there's no, you know, there's no time travel or school shooting. Yeah, watch that. I was watching that Billy Eilish toward document. It was a good documentary too. James Cameron directed it. Oh, yeah. That's so funny. I forgot he is so much be good. She's doing it all underwater. It's pretty. It's a, yeah, she's in a hyperbarad. Is he, does he like Billy Eilish's songs? I it's, it seems like it's just like you look at this filmography right now. I want to just like terminator. Yeah, this like avatar Billy Eilish aliens. Yeah, and it's like, but I think he's kind of doing somehow two stuff in there in the Billy Eilish that you think you think fucking Jay, I think you haven't ripped your shit off. Well, he's like holding the camera and talking to Billy from behind the camera in this way that I've never seen him do.

40:59Should we go fucking set us up? I'm just saying James. Don't text Captain horny and he's coming for you. Yeah, James Cameron, I am angry that you made all the movie theaters convert to digital for avatar the first one. Oh, yes. So, I like this motherfucker now. Yeah, I think that is that him. Is that why films out? I think that it was a big reason like around 2009. That's why a lot of 35 systems went out. Get the fuck out of him. Yeah, fuck. So Jim, if you took them out, you are responsible for bringing them back. Put them back in. Put them back. Make a movie on film you fuck enough with the CGI. Make a movie on film you coward. Yeah, how about this get a lady painter tits blue? Is that so hard Jim? Yeah. Can we get? Can we get Paul guys paint them blue instead of this and shoot it on 35 you mother fuck shoot on 70 for all I give a fuck. Seven shoot it on film. That's too hefty. We have to back to 35.

41:59I think you're back. I think you're back. I don't know. We have the Odyssey on my friend Spencer made us a Odyssey VHS that we've been playing at the movie theater. Oh yes, by the way, the cool the other shit you've done that's like that dream is your own movie theater, which is so fucking cool. In Ridgewood, do you feel like people must know your exact address at this point, right? I don't like your movie. You put it in your shot. I don't know. I've been a bars, you know, I've been a bars and people someone I've never seen before will just come up and be like, you know, I'm your backyard neighbor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just like, I don't want to know. Don't tell me that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's fine. I get it. I'm just like, but I also just like, I think it's like easier. The relationship to me is like, is easier in a certain way when you're just like out there. Yes. And like the terms are very much that and it's like, you know, if people want to, you know, people don't make you feel as uncomfortable. I feel like when you really put yourself out. Yeah, that's true.

43:00And like, it's like, and I'm just like, you know, if I'm working at the movie theater, I'm just like making popcorn. Yeah. And it's like they treat you like someone making popcorn. Of course. You know, and that's it. Yes, you have to set the like, I'm a guy at work, man. Yeah. And you could talk to me because like you talked to a guy at work, but ultimately, I got to get back to work. Yeah, yeah. Ultimately, the fucking, the butter is not, the poppers, I got a butter itself. Not gonna butter itself. But you, you have this fucking awesome theater in Ridge. What was the like, what's the process where you just, where you're just like, yeah, I'm obviously doing this. Did something come up like, what is the brief story or were you just like, I need to have a movie theater in my neighborhood? Yeah, I don't know. I just, I felt like, I mean, I open up my friend's Davis in Cosmo. Cosmo and I had been ambi, ambi and Lee kind of talking about it for years. And then we finally found a spot. I don't know. I think it's just like a natural kind of thoughtless thing you do. As I go, movie freak, you just like, yeah, okay, this will probably happen one day.

44:02Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I don't know. I just like, I feel like the size of it is cool. And you know, it's all an experiment just to like, you know, I think people, I think things became so big with your kind of regals and AMC types that, you know, I mean, those are cool. I think that like the city used to be like, have so many tiny theaters in it, you know, and like, I think it's just kind of a shame that they were all kind of wiped out during the Giuliani, you know, years. Yeah. James Cameron and Rudy Giuliani. Yeah. The biggest piece. I know you guys. Like how's the movies? No, man, they just were trying to clean up. Yeah. I guess they cleaned them up because people are beating their shit in there or what? Yeah, but just like that should be, you should be allowed. There should be, that should be okay. I do agree with you. You're not in a serious city. If there's not one place, you can jack off in public. Yeah, I mean, one place. Montreal's got a sex theater.

45:02Yeah, and it's just like, sure. I mean, I want to own it or like, whatever. You don't want to own the jack off. Yeah, probably not. But I agree. But someone does. It's true. Can I tell you something? You might have to take the hat off. You know, if you want to own the jack off theater, you're kind of saying these messages, John, are you Captain Orney? Are you merely Admiral Orney? No. Wait, is Admiral better? I think it is actually. Well, I'll get you one of those hats. Ooh, I would look. It's got to be big like Captain Crunch's hat. Oh, fuck. I just shoved to your fucking theater wearing that. Who's fucking horny now? Wilson, you piece of shit. Come to my podcast with a cool hat. I'll tell you. Yeah. Admiral is hired in rank than Captain. Give me one day. Break him down. Oh, wow. Oh, shit. I don't have the full rank. Oh, Jesus Christ. You couldn't have foreseen that. Could you? Fatherhood hasn't dulled your podcasting instincts at all. I'll just say that. Sharpen, sharpen. Oh, yeah.

46:03I mean, I think it's cool. I know. This is really good book. The Samuel Delaney book. PERHHHH. Um, Sk being just. It was like a work in that dance. I think it was the, it was isn't. Like, it was actually two actresses, I would literally advise Bruce for saying that. Sometimes we do our Pixar, or some time miles out there, But you know, alsoination, and I think that would be ok. Oh, I do live in National Arts. I can't promise you. I don't know if you're bringing that up like more. Well, I think it's not that wrong. I know it's not a pass, I can't direct my mind. And you can do hacer that. You know, Asfolk told you, out in some way. And but it's like the way that it happens in a place, in like a city like we have now is like, it happens in bathrooms or like whatever, which is heavily policed and then they like basically like criminalized homosexuality or just like whatever, like you know, the people they usually cruise in those areas. So it's like, so like having a space like that, even though it is like, I don't know.

47:05I know exactly what you mean. Implicitly by not having a space like that, it's like basically the argument was like, look, yeah, you guys aren't gonna not suck each other off in public. Yeah. So let's, it's sort of the hamster damn argument from the wire. It's sort of the like, what's that? So the wire, it's like, oh, you gotta check it out. Yeah, I know. What the fuck? I know. There's one guy who basically is like, let's legalize like drug use on this one block. And that way it's like, we get people resources, we do all the other shit. Whereas like when it's sort of a way to implicitly sort, like keep, it's like only proper behavior is allowed. And that what's implied there is that like, there is a way to behave and there's a way to not behave. And like, do you guys are all degenerate sick freaks? Where it's like, we all know that at the top of our fucking society is the biggest freaks in the world. Exactly. It's sort of the thing where they've actually priced out regular people from being freaks that don't sex traffic people.

48:06Everything has happened. It's like, you either have to jack off on the subway or you have to be on Epstein's Island, even like being a sexual deviant has been like, one percented in America. Yeah, exactly. Listen, if you're successful enough, you get your own island and we don't care what you do on it. Yeah, exactly. But no theaters, God forbid. What if a fucking guy from Iowa was taking is also fat wife to see, you know, lay miz, stumbles into one and they write an email. Like, who fucking cares? Go back to fucking Iowa. We jack off in this city. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to read that. I think for a healthy, yeah, civilization, I think you might need some stuff like that. I have some release valves. Some release valves. Yeah, you know, it's about taboo, it's about shame, you know. And it's like, yeah, everyone is doing crazy. I mean, you know, shame is a, it's very powerful. It's like soft power where it's like, you don't have to legislate things if you just shame them implicitly or explicitly. That's what I mean, what you're saying

49:06resonates with me, because when I was in Amsterdam, I, the first time I went, I was like 20 or whatever and I was like, ah, fucking party. I'm going to smoke weed and fucking get my head or whatever. I'm like, well, this must be like, you know, it must be like spring fucking break, dude. It's going to be awesome. And then you're guilty. And it's just like a really low key nice city. And like the red light district is like, not that far from a like park where like families are playing. And you're like, oh, this is not this at all. This is just humanity for real. These are people who are like not in denial about people's desires and needs. And it want to do them all in a safe way. And then also have a society that doesn't, it felt very like shame free, but not sometimes when people are like, shame is holding respect. It's like, yeah, you're right. And then they overdo it and they have no shame. That can be a real big problem. Yeah. Yeah. So I felt like when I was in Amsterdam, I was like, this is, I'm fucking Goldilocks right now. This shit is just right for me, you know?

50:06Like, like, so we should have a couple more. We should have a couple brothels. We should have some. Well, I remember my dad had a really funny idea growing up where he like, you know, we had kind of a dead main street. And he always just like, but joke about wanting to rent one storefront and just never open it. But just have a sign that says adult outside of it. And just like, kind of see how, like if the community would would revolt. Yeah, they, you know, they definitely would. Just like the word adult, like, what does that mean? 100%. 100%. Just having it out there might start some civic pride. Yeah. And like pink letters. Yeah. I mean, I remember there was a fight when I was, they were trying to make a bar, they were trying to zone a bar where I grew up for live music. And I remember every mom in the neighborhood realizing, like, oh, that's the same zoning you need for a strip club. And that they were, and this is Baltimore in the 90s. So they were like, obviously, if we allow this, they're just going to turn this into like strip clubs or whatever, which now I'm thinking, like,

51:07maybe my mom fucked up fighting that tooth and nail. Oh, yeah. Because she did. I mean, I don't know, you know, morality changes throughout one's lifetime. That's true. I mean, I get where she was coming from. She was right. She was objectively right at the time. Our neighbor was fucking dog shit. Yeah, I mean, there was something like I kind of, I mean, in hindsight, maybe kind of nice, like about the how kind of sanitized, like a lot of my long island upbringing was in a certain way, where I'm just like, I don't know. I didn't feel like I was repressing anything, but I was like, I don't know. I like the different stages of things that I, you know, at the times I access them in a certain way. I know what you mean, where I'm like, it's nice to be able to just like, let a kid start their like adult life fresh. You know what I mean? A kid starting at zero, right? Or even like, you want something, you want something kind of bland. Like I think about that where it's like kids who grew up in Manhattan, it's like, they should be like on a registry site.

52:08Like these are people that like went to rehab at 11. You know what I mean? Like these are people who's like, you know, like stockbroker, like, you know, older cousins got, you know what I mean? Like killed themselves because they had a bad, they watched somebody jump off a fucking, you know, like penthouse and just killed, you know what I mean? Like they've just, they've experienced so much shit where it's like, you want people to have, I do think like raising kids, you want them, it's just kind of boring. You also want them to have some baseline shit to kind of lightly rebel against. Yeah. Like kids who are like atheist children, it's like, no, man, you have to realize this is dumb at 11. Like you need to, you have to believe in this implicitly so that then when you're fucking, when you're 13, you can be like, wait, is this all fucking bullshit? Is this, you know what I mean? Like I almost feel like you, I don't know, I've thought about this a lot because, you know, he had a kid, my brother had a kid, my other best friend had two kids. So like, I think I'm definitely in the uncle's zone.

53:09I don't think I'm gonna be a kid. I've realizing recently like, wait, I think having like four babies that I actually care about is enough for me. But I have been thinking about like, wait, how do we make that? Cause I'm like, dude, your kid's gonna grow up. Your kid is lit. It's first year is in Williamsburg. That's disgusting. I know. Imagine that that sucks dick, dude. We had, we had, we had my wife's birth dolover doing a check-in on at the apartment the other day. And we're like, you know, we live in the one and a half bedroom in East Williamsburg and she was like, we're like, yeah, we can't believe we have like a baby in here. She's like, it's okay. I can tell you guys are simple people. So you know, he'll have a humble beginning. That's a simple people. So she could tell you're Albanian basically. She saw them raging on your forehead. She was very surprised I was Albanian. Well, my wife said that she's like, what? She was like, she's stuck on it for a few beats. She's like, you're Albanian?

54:09I would have never, I've never been able to tell. You haven't sexually harassed me once. I've been in here. Yeah, she was shocked. But yeah, she said we're simple people. Wow. Are there a lot of Albanians in the neighborhood in Ridgewood? Where do you, where do you encounter Albanians mostly? Yeah, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, you seem to be very pro pre-podcast. Yeah, I mean, I, I, I think the Albanians are doing some cool stuff in the neighborhood. Yeah, they are. I like, I've turned around on them due to them, them kind of destroying Jared Kushner's forklifts and stuff. Oh, yeah. They're trying to like build, they're trying to, you know, make fucking West Bank too in Albania right now. Oh, yeah, yeah. But shout out to the, shout out to the fucking, what is it? Sheep Todd, what do you say? Sheep Todd, yeah. Shout out to the people. I don't know. Yeah, there's a couple bars and they, they know how to make, they know how to keep the neighborhood social.

55:10It's, it's nice. Like they, they, they know, they have a lot of outdoor seating. Like, you know, you can like, it's a little relaxed, like what the rules are. Albanians love to hang and not really do that much. Exactly. Just pound a few coffees out and, you know, yeah. Yeah, ultimate, I mean, you know, ultimately, it's just that, that European should have like, let's hang, let's say what's up to our neighbors. I mean, the funniest thing in the world, one thing that stuck with me the first time I watched it, like this, maybe this was season one of the show, where you just like would hang out with your, I assume Polish landlady. She was, she was a, she's sloppy. She was like, she was, what does it, you go, you go slavian before they split up. Serbian, yeah, yeah, Serbian. Okay. Yeah, you would chill with your Serbian landlord watching Jeopardy. Yeah, that was a very cute, that was very wholesome relationship, but it was very funny that you watched Jeopardy every night. Was it really every night with your old landlady? Yeah, yeah, and she would, you know, she was,

56:13she didn't really understand, like it, she doesn't speak English very well. Yeah, yeah, listen, you don't have to explain those people to me and Ellen. Every, every half our family was that, like I saw that lady, I was like, that's his grandma, that's my grandma. Like that, that instantly, I was like, I have 100% had that experience, but it was my own grandmother. You had like a, you had a Balkan grandmother basically for a couple years. There's something about the neighborhood where like, being named John is really helpful. Like, it's true. Because it's monosyllabic and it's a name every culture has. But all the poll, like so many Polish people, so many Albanian people in neighborhood are named John. Like I have multiple neighbors within, like right next to me named John. Interesting. Yeah, like, the bar, barren or kids named John, my landlord, the old lady's late husband was named John. So I think that it helped when she was moving out.

57:15I think there was like, I have a spiritual continuity there with her. Yeah, yeah. She told me the building for like a pretty good number. Totally. And yeah, it really helps. That's so funny that just, because that's, because our John is Janie, which is actually one of the, it's actually one of the Greek names that doesn't translate as easily, but like Nick, Nick's and George's are everywhere. What's in Albanian John? I'll just, you know, I don't know. Is it John? Is it John? You can throw a stick in Ridgewood. Yeah, John, John, John, that makes way more sense. That's a, that's a one for one, I would say, John. All right, well look, we got a fucking, John, we got to take your beautiful mind and apply it to our callers here. Oh, yeah, I was excited about this. Yeah, you're actually, we were doing that. Yeah, of course we're doing it. Sorry, I wasn't sure. I'm just having a blast. I've seen a show. I think you know, the shit you're doing. No, no, no, we're cool. Great, great, great. Because yes, I literally, we could, we could talk,

58:16I mean, I want to, I want to know that book. I got to read that motherfucker. Oh, yeah, you know that. I might ask you for a cup, because I need to, I need to fucking read, dude, my brain is, you know, you should read. I was just talking about this, the new John Ronson book is very good. It's all about like, the kind of why lonely men are doing such insane things. I would love to read that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a nonfiction. It's just like investigative book. It's like really cool. That is cool because I do feel like people place, this show in the middle of that narrative a lot. People are like, here's the one show your in-sell loser, fat little brother watch. And maybe he won't kill himself or someone else, but he probably still will. Like that's, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, it's a, you know, it's just a step better than, yeah, you're extremely toxic. Yeah, just a, truly just a step. The fact that cold, yeah, anyway, I don't wanna talk about it too much. I'm done. I don't, I'm, the talking about yourself is one of, I mean, you know, having to promote my fucking special

59:20almost killed me, because it's like so many just questions about you in non-funny context. Yeah. And that sucks, dude. I mean, I appreciate the people wanted to talk to me and shit and I was like going to much different, having used them usual, like I did fucking CBS, I did like daytime, I did the Drew Barrymore show, which is funnish. Oh yeah, I saw that. But like, you know, daytime, like that's not my art, I'm trying to get new. What do people ask you about? Like what, like you made, like that's what, that's the thing is like, what, like I tried to just make the movies packed with so much shit that there would be so much to talk about in there, because I knew I would have to talk about it. Of course. And I was like, partially that's why that's something there, but it's like, but yeah, it's like when you come out with a sting and it's like the thing is, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I guess it's not even what they're asking me. It's just the fact that like, I'm used to going on something in the whole point being joking. And I just feel like I wasn't funny. It's also for me, right? Where I'm like, I think I didn't work hard enough at being funny in every context,

1:00:21because I was so burned out from doing everything. And I guess what I was realizing was like, oh, these shit, like it's gonna take, it actually takes a lot of work to not just like, to be actually funny and that to come through in environments that you're not naturally comfortable in. You know what I mean? Like I like, like I just should have had more stuff ready to go for some of these like serious, I don't know. It's just a thing of like, I just hate, and it's also a stand up. It's not that it's like, you know, I thought of a fucking hour of funny stuff. Yeah. And it's I guess the mind, there's my nephew shit, whatever, but I don't know. I just, it's just so weird to have a like someone's just to ask. And people will, you know, I'm sure I talk way too much in general. So people are like, what you love talk? We didn't hear shit about John. You started talking about yourself, you fat idiot. And that's true. But that's in my own home, you mother. Yeah, he's allowed. I'm allowed to be a fucking loud mouth.

1:01:21Actually, I have thought about, should I try it the podcast at some point? So far the answer is no, but the podcast, what is this? This is not me trying it all. Oh, okay. This is me. This is me having, well, it's easy with you because I love your work. And I think you're so fun to talk to. But they're it, but like sometimes, you know, when I just have my friend, like just people here where I'm like, yeah, whatever, just fucking start recording. We got, we got to stick to the schedule. Yeah, right. Anyway, sorry to shoot the shit. No, are there live callers actually? There are not live calls. There are, there are voice mails. But if you ever want to come back and do a live call, you let us know. All right. John, as you know, because we talked about at the beginning, it's now time to hit the visible hotline, or the Stavis World online sponsored by Visible, of course. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. We're call it, yeah. So I'll just, I didn't twist it to you. Well, don't fucking look at it. Head of yourself. Sorry, sorry. Look, I don't know. Their may or may not be a twisted S motherfucking question of the week coming in one or two,

1:02:21but I got how this goes. Well, that's the conduit as you know, John, there'd be no way to do the twisted S motherfucking as fucked up question of the week. If not, that the river we paddle is the, is the visible hotline. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's the river run. So why don't we get, why don't we get a couple tubes? And why don't we lazy float down the, down the river of questions that is the visible, the Stavis World online sponsored by Visible? That's okay. Within every beautifully busy day, there's a brief moment between now and next. A moment made just for you to recharge, refuel, and most importantly, bring out the bomb. Bring out the new Bob Evans protein mac and cheese. Bring out the rich, velvety goodness now with 18 grams of protein packed perfection. Bring out the, hmm. Before you ask what's next, just take one more bite. For delicious protein power up, bring out the Bob Bob Evans new protein macaroni and cheese.

1:03:22Hi, Stavis, baby. Hi, Elvis. So I had a question about how I should deal with my mother. I'm a 30 year old adult living in a house by myself. Last year my mother needed to move in with me for a little while to help get her back in her feet. She ended up acting like a complete asshole, which is not outside of her M.O. And unfortunately, I had to kick her out of my house. Damn. She was super uncomfortable for both of us. Yeah, of course. But immediately after that, she began dating my next door neighbor. And then moved in next door to me. Damn, she stunted on your ass. She fucking check-mated your bitch ass. You thought you got rid of me? I'm gonna fuck your knee. Sorry, that's fucking hilarious. That's so funny. For. And then moved in next door to me. And I was in she moved in next door to me. She has been making my life extremely uncomfortable. And I'm not sure how to deal with that.

1:04:25For example, she is now claiming that her boyfriend likes to watch me through my windows and that he's in love with me. And that's what he's been talking about. He's grudge waiting for me to come home so that he can watch me. What the fuck? Oh my god. And I expressed being uncomfortable with this. This guy sounds cool. Yeah, the guy's cool. He's like, I love the fuck the daughter. But for now, the mom will give me an exchange for shelter. So I'll just buy some binoculars. Be-buy my time. Yeah, you gotta level up. Keep going on this. Mind you, I don't think this man watches me. I think my mom is just a fucking lunatic. And but now it's gone to the point where she is screaming at me as him and I are mowing the grass at the same time. And now I'm probably just perpetually hiding and hoping that I don't see her. What the fuck?

1:05:26And I could list a thousand stories about this lady being like a shitty parent. But I'm trying to go no contact with her with her being right next to me. What do I do? So funny. She said she should. So I brand down. I don't really know. But let me know what you think. Appreciate you guys. Love the podcast. Have a good one. I mean, this is nuts. I think she should write a treatment and sell this to ABC for a new sitcom. I like that. Have some kinds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, I think that there's a lot of, this sounds really fun and funny. It is really funny. This is funny because you are right. These have some classic sitcom archetypes here. Where it's like the kind of insane, horny older mother, like doofus neighbors who say, oh, yeah, you could live with me. You just kind of fuck you. The main character the whole time. She's a working girl who tried to have it all.

1:06:27Yeah, and then maybe she gets like a new mom. She tries adding new mom. Yeah, I like that. However, that works. That would be good to make your mom jealous. Because this woman is so clearly insane. This mom is so insane. In like a classic, sometimes this comes up on the show every once in a while where it's like, the mother daughter, the moms who have this weird rivalry with their daughters are some of the scariest people in the world. It's like a man, like look, dad versus son rivalries are sort of like classic. At the end of the day, it's like, yeah, we just want to beat the fuck out of each other. Like me and my dad, I think our lives would probably be better if like we had fought 10 years ago before his heart might have exploded and before I was too fat to throw a punch without worrying about my spine completely coming apart. I think we probably, basically dad son stuff is like kind of so simple because dudes are kind of simple. Whereas like mom daughter stuff is one of the most psychologically fucked up scenarios I've seen.

1:07:29Yeah. Like a mom is trying to compete with her daughter. You know what I mean? Like the mom who's like clearly jealous of her daughter, which is what this feels. You see this on reality TV a lot too. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's a common dynamic. But yeah, I don't, you know, I don't, I can't fully relate. But your mom's not mad that you're more beautiful than her. No. No, my mom is very happy. I'm gonna hand some young boy. That's good, that's good, that's healthy. But I don't know. I mean, she said sell the house. Sell the house is nuts. I think that could work. Yeah, I mean, that is, these simplest answer is do anything it takes to get away from your mom and not let her know where you live. Yeah. And yeah, go full witness protection if you want to. But also, I don't know, you could befriend, yeah, you could befriend her boyfriend. You could fuck her boyfriend. But why, why wasn't, why weren't you friends with the guy, the neighbor?

1:08:29He's probably. I mean, he's the kind of guy who hears two women have a screaming match for months. And then the older one goes over to his house, I was like, can I be your wife? He's like, yeah, I don't fucking care. That's why. He's that kind of guy. Either that or the mom is diabolical and like when her backs against the wall is just a survivor who figures it out. But clearly her mission here is to make her daughter's life miserable, right? Well, if that's the case, then you should rent, you should sublet out your place to, you know, to some insane burning man. Burning man. Some subculture. Burning man. Yeah, have a bunch of polyamorous burning man. Fucking old guys with ponytails going pee, we hermen mode in there. Turn your home. Oh, turn your home into a cruising spot. Yeah, I was sucking and fucking in your shed at all hours of the night. Yeah, that don't teach her. That'll show her. I like this though.

1:09:30Right. The, the, the value in this, well, you want to sell it though. You want to sell your house. You want to sell it to someone. Yeah. No, this is good. This is like, here's what you need. A break from your mom, right? Take a vacation or like, or like, you know, seize, I don't know what you do for work. Do you, can you work from home? Can you take a seasonal job at a fucking tourist place for two months or something? Sublet it. And just have your weirdest friends. Tell your weirdest friends to do weird shit there. Just something your mom would hate. What does she hate? Is she racist? Can you, can you let your friends, you know, can you get some black and Asian people in there? Is that, what's the type of race she hates the most? Move them in to show her that bigotry has no place on your block. But that, but this didn't originate with bigotry. No, it's like, I'm saying stuff she hates. Hot or young women. She clearly has an issue with you.

1:10:32You know, have someone fuck her boyfriend. Yeah, it's just like, it might have to originate with whatever, you know, she said there was too much to go into like what, you know, maybe why they were on bad terms. But I mean, I think to me, this is like classic. This is a really bad parent, right? This person has, the one thing the parent has done good has been capable of doing here is guilty. Her daughter and things got bad enough that her daughter is a good person and it's like, okay, she's homeless, whatever I, she's sick, whatever the fuck, I'm gonna do my duty as family even though there's a difficult person and hey, maybe this will be the thing that brings us together. Because in the back of every child who has a bad relationship with their parent, there's party that's like, man, it would just be nice if they out of the blue became a completely different person who loves me the regular way, right? And I think that's probably what happened here. You've learned your lesson, you can never trust your mother,

1:11:34she's a piece of shit that needs to be out of your life completely. And I think what you do now is she's trying to neighbors, you, you neighbors her. She thinks she's Zach Efron. Now, you know, you're fucking Zach Efron, you throw fucking parties or whatever. That was a great movie. Great movie. Really good. Shout out to the F dude. Let's get Efron. You need to start dating Zach Efron. He's a cool guy. Let me know, you know, I'll text him. I'll tell him there's a lady in wherever the fuck, you know, but yeah, get, or just, yeah, does she say where it was? No, no, for an inimity's sake. But yes, you need to get the fuck away from your mom. The over, the big lesson here is she's a piece of shit who's never gonna change and never gonna do right by you. Get the fuck, sell the house is nuts, but I don't know. I mean, but also it's like you kind of, I don't know where you, it's easy to ignore certain neighbors at the same time.

1:12:34True. I don't know. The greatest victory would be to give her nothing. Clearly she's trying to get a rise out of you. Clearly. I mean, yeah, she's trying to get a rise, but the her boyfriend does seem like a pervert for sure. And, Deff, maybe you can somehow trap him. Honeypot. Yeah. I don't know, like, and make them both. I don't know, if he is spying on you, you could make it backfire on him. Sure. In an interesting way. Sure. Like, by, I don't know. Private investigator though, this could be interesting. Get dirt on this guy. Okay, yeah, you get dirt on this guy. Let's figure out how to, you're right. He ultimately needs to go. Just, he's her way in. Unless she just goes to the guy next, the catty corner, D or whatever. What are they doing dirty work? Like, put a bunch of fish. Yes, fish. But it actually, it's a triggers a mafia hit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, really good doc.

1:13:35I think it's out by the time the episode, I'm plugging just a different doc. The norm, the norm doc, Oh, yeah. Wix is really good. Yeah, wait, is that out? It's not out yet, you know, my buddy, my boy, Judd, might have hit me up with the judge. Judd's copy. He sounded to me too. Oh, yeah. It's good, right? Yeah, it's cool. I love it. I mean, norm was like huge, right? Unbelievable. And the doc was so good at like, because norm was so good at hiding who, like, biographical details. It, as a norm superfan, I learned shit, where it's like, usually for these comedy documentaries, it's more like it reminds you of shit that you're, but like, there was a lot of stuff that I had no, no idea about, which was really fucking good. Yeah. Or just the scope of it or getting everything on record. Yeah, yeah, norm. Yeah, no, it's so funny how much she just, what would just lie about stuff. It was awesome. Yeah. Because it's funny. That's a good point. I wasn't as fun, obviously, this is an unattainable North star. But like, I should be trying to be as funny as Norm McDonald at every interview.

1:14:36And that's hard, but that takes a lot of work. And it's like, somebody like Meg Stolter's another great example, where she really thinks about these banal things. It's like, how do I make this funny, right? And so I think that's my takeaway for the future is like, every situation, let me actually think about how to be funny instead of just giving a real interview, because who gives a fuck about that? But anyway, fucking kill your mom. Kill your mom, sell it to Hulu. Gotta go Hulu. Yeah. You gotta go Hulu. This could be like a nice companion to adults, you know? Adults. The Hulu show. I don't know that. It's good. It's really funny, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it could be like adults. And then the next one is, what if you're crazy as mom moves and whatever? You know what the fuck do? Yeah. Get away from your mom. It's a money maker. And I think that's the best revenge. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Against your mom, it's to become extremely wealthy off of her trying to make your life miserable. Yeah, go genetic and make her do with it.

1:15:37Yeah. Do a man walk. Yeah, I don't know. What else we got, Elders? Oh, fuck. What the fuck? Oh, shit. What is that? Oh, fuck, dude. You're not dealing with a fucking awesome hat. Because it's time to... Yeah, that's right. You spoke into existence, John. You're too powerful. You created the motherfucking ass fucked up twisted question over the week, brought to my twisted teeth. It's an honor. What's the most... What's the fucking ass fucked up motherfucking question of the week, Elders? Hi, style. First time, long time. So I am in a little bit of a ethical conundrum with my therapist. Back story, I recently got out of a long-term relationship. Right, right. And I'm getting back into the polylite style. Keep it twisted. A month ago, I found myself at a swing-ar party. Oh, the bare fists. It was really fun.

1:16:38But afterwards, I was thinking about it. And my therapist is also in that lifestyle and losing the same talent as me. So at our next session, I asked him if he knew these people. And of course, he did. And he said that he also attends their party sometimes. I thought that that was going to be the end of our therapeutic relationship. As it should have been. But to my surprise, we spent the next 30 minutes coming up with a game plan of what we were going to do with the party. We started with an ethics party. All right. This is too twisted. This therapist is keeping it way too fucking twisted. This is not an appropriate level of twisted to keep it. OK. Is that not, all right. Is that OK to do? No, certainly not. I don't know what the laws are with therapists. I mean, listen, this is all fake. There's no actual, like, nobody knows anything really. There are people.

1:17:39Yeah, exactly. Look, if therapy makes you feel better, you're working on it. It's working, in my opinion. But if you have, first of all, I was going to say, polytherapist, that's a big problem number one. Yeah. That's a big issue. And look, note this respect to the polycommunity. But because I do look to like my therapist for advice in certain ways that I don't want to get, if the person is a little too twisted, I kind of, exactly. You need someone not just, you want him twisted for a normal guy. Yeah. Not all the way the fuck twisted, where him and his wife, his wife is pulling out fucking beads from his ass. Well, he's eating like, you know, male woman's pussy at somebody's party or whatever. I just don't want to know about it. Not exactly, exactly. And listen, yes, exactly. I don't need to ever find. If I find out that my therapist is poly, that's the problem. They can be poly if they keep it professional, and they give you regular advice. If they're advice isn't like, if you ever thought about the fucking somebody who wasn't your husband. You know what I mean?

1:18:40Like, but if they're not trying to push their poly agenda upon me, like it would be the same thing if I went to a therapist and they were like, you know, pick a religion and they kept trying to get me to convert. Yeah, right. Any, any, of course. Any therapist that like brings too much, who doesn't act as just, they can do it for your thoughts is a problem for me. But now, all of that could have just been my anti-poly bias. You know what I mean? Whereas like, it's not that I think it's wrong, or I actually don't give a fuck. And I, listen, I've had some poly friends. I've, yeah. It's the best setup in the world to date someone who's got a husband. Yeah, don't give a fuck about you. They're just, they're just, they're just, they're just suck you off and have a slice of pizza. That's awesome. That's a great relationship. And I'm happy to be a part of someone's larger polyamorous web, right? I like to be on the outskirts. Sure. But I don't, but someone who's, and so I would have been like, okay, maybe I'm being too harsh on poly people. But the fact that this horny piece of shit,

1:19:42well, like, what are we gonna do if I see you? How much am I, you're allowed to see one quarter of my shaft, but anything more than that? Like, well, that's, it feels, I think my issue is it feel, yeah, on your like, talking about religion, you know, it's like how, it feels like a religion is some people. And like, that's why I, it would feel like, strange if so, like a therapist would be pushy with something like that, where it's, and that, like, I, yeah, I've, poly brands like, of course you do that. I don't know fucking small theater in Ridgewood. Yeah. You're in an art house theater in Ridgewood. You got a couple of pop-ups, John. I'm not, I'm not saying like, yeah, I'm not saying don't ask, don't tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just, I'm more saying like, I, yeah, for some people, they become like kind of zealous about it. Sure. Absolutely. So, let's take a question. And who do you think, what do you think? Yeah, true. I think, a couple of people like, if they were, maybe, him and him or others,

1:20:44definitely not being like, you're supposed to be the only one from partying or%. Yeah, that's it. So, I think we have to dig into that stuff, chronic45ング, sports, 훨씬 fox, really don't make any sense and then the characters are like, there's more shooting than anything and the اشكون that may do. But it's like they pay for what we used to watch, is it? It came out. There's another show, Polyamorous. I think we watched that. We used to watch it back in the day in Astoria. And that's where we heard fluid bonding, but I'm sorry to cut you off. Okay, yeah, they're, yeah, they have interesting phrases that they use. Like there's this one lesbian, Polyamorous relationship that was just like setting the ground rules and they're like no hot fish. And I was like, what does that mean? What did you ever get to the bottom? I was asking lesbians and I couldn't still for a lot of this. I didn't really know. Anyway, yeah, but but you know, on top of like, you know, like no, no like scammers, no, you know, like whatever.

1:21:45But yeah, it's like it does. No hot fish means maintaining proper personal hygiene and cleanliness. Oh, wow. Specifically referring to keeping it in an area. That's crazy. Wow, maybe a grok has like figured out the answer and the times I last asked. Yeah, this eldest was a big grok guy. He's working on getting the implant directly and he was head. Yeah, but yeah, it's kind of like they, you know, the way they speak about it in this way as if there's no problem. But then it's like the the the the very basic human jealousy things, it's just like they always come up. And of course, like I think I'm more cool with it if you can just like recognize that as a baseline like thing that will be happening and that that's a danger of this. Not that like you've you've like you solved yourself. You've evolved past it. It's like and by the way, the only time friends of mine

1:22:47where it makes sense tell me is like, yeah, of course I'm, I'm not like pump to the, you know, my wife is going on a date with that. That's not my favorite part of my week. But I don't, you know, it's just like I understand that that's something you just get over and it's like momentary and look for some people it is momentary and they let it wash over them and then they're like, well, but I also get a lot out of it whatever to come back to our friend here. Your therapist having a breakdown so where he can continue to take money from you while getting his dick sucked by your mutual friends. That's a problem. Let her finish. Is there more of this? Let's hear the point. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I don't know, like, if I saw you at a sex party, I'd probably just leave. And he was like, well, we can just like go to opposite ends of the house and like as long as we don't have sex, it's fine. Oh, it's not. And I'm like, I don't know what I was, I don't want to watch him get his dick sucked

1:23:47while I can breathe his sweat in. Keep going. And I'm like, I don't know, bro, I think this is kind of weird. Don't you? And he basically told me that he could see why I think it's weird. He had this conversation with multiple clients in the past. Yeah, that's a big problem. Big problem. In a position before. So I just don't know if I should terminate him as my friend. Yes. He is good at his job and does help me. That's interesting. I just can't really stop thinking about it. Also, the swimmers who tell us I was at keep hitting me up like every weekend trying to get me to come back over. And I'm running out of excuses as to why I can't come over. So in a place you could do me. I just don't get it. It just like it continues to frustrate me because it's just like, of course, this is going to happen. Yeah. It's just like, of course, it's going to be an insanely thorny, annoying lifestyle.

1:24:49Yeah. What? Why is the prize by this? Imagine Larry Day, what I'd love to see curb your enthusiasm where Larry's poly. Yeah. The amount of little Larry David style misunderstandings that could happen when polyamory. And especially when you're a social. OK, the bigger red flag is that this has happened him multiple times. But yeah, well, yeah, with different clients. Different clients. But I think they're very, I think she and her therapist are very aligned, I think, in terms of lifestyle. True. And I think she could actually like, I think might benefit from continuing to see him. That's interesting. Even though like she may want to have boundaries with this one specific house. This is an interesting point where you're saying, is this man too twisted for me? Sure. But if you're already twisted, if she's the appropriate amount

1:25:49of twisted, so she can deal with someone a little more twisted than me or you would be interested in dealing with perhaps. Yeah. And I think if you can shut off the valve of having sex with him, like, at this party, and that's not part of their relationship. Then I think that maybe emotionally she could benefit from it just by talking with someone who goes through the same stuff. Sure. I would say the problem here is he cares about getting his nut off at this particular couple's house more than he cares about what our clearly should be, what should be clearly defined boundaries, which to me is like, we can both go to, we can even both go to, be in this community, but we probably should never be at the same sex party. Do you really want to be, first of all, let's take the therapist out of it. I don't want to watch my dentist get her pussy eaten. I don't want to watch, you know, well, I had one dentist,

1:26:51but my current dentist I don't. But he's like, what are you normal? But that's what I mean is like you dental lab techs though. Lab techs, I'm listening in a major way. What I want to watch real up close if you catch my drift. Wow. From real POV John Wilson, how to style. Wow. That style them getting their pussy. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, from across the street. Zoom wins. But they're still mic'd up. And for Alhorn, you're recording the duty. Yeah. Um, I just, okay, you bring up a really good counterpoint that they are aligned lifestyle wise. I would say here's what I would do if I were you. If you really think that if you're really getting something out of it, I would just, there's no read. The whole point of this poly shit is let's be honest about everything. Let's talk about our feelings. Tell your friends like, I have a blast. If you, if they're poly, maybe you guys want to go on a day, I don't know if it's a couple or whatever, maybe you want to fuck them solo. That's great. Just tell them like, listen, had a great time.

1:27:54I just realized that, you know, I am seeing whatever the fuck they know because fucking eight of their eight people, eight other people have been in this situation apparently. This is this doubles is he's he's he's handing out flyers at these sex parties apparently. Well, that's what makes it feel predatory in a way. And that like he is using his practice as a potential kind of casting couch. Yeah, right. You know, that's a really good question because I could see this being like, no, we should never fuck. We could be there though and who knows what happens. Like, I don't want to accuse this guy of trying to fuck you because he probably, it seems maybe he's not, but I would ask, has he ever fucked this has happened before? Has he ever fucked another client? Has he ever fucked that? Could this be some weird? Because I can see this guy being the kind of freak that gets something out of this and that it might be the ultimate forbidden. If you're already poly and you're saying all getting head is all fine. The forbidden fruit of fucking someone. This guy is eliminated forbidden fruit from his pussy diet completely.

1:28:58This is this is something. This is the, this is like professional cheating in a way that like poly people have gotten away from like the eroticism of affairs. And is this guy cheating on being a therapist with his client? Is that a sexual thrill he might have? Again, right. He's keeping it way too mother-epping twisted. But what's the difference between being poly and being single? You know, it's like, this is one of my great arguments. It's just like, you're, if you're just, I mean, I, you know, I know it's probably a lot of things. This is their solo, first of all, like, yeah, a lot of my life being honest. Hello, poly just means you're getting pussy or dick a lot. Yeah, right. That's all it means, guys. Can we be honest for a second? And that's fine. Right. If he's just a single guy that is a therapist and he's still trying to have sex with his, you know, to, to give him credit, he hasn't, he, all we know so far is that he has been adamant that they should, his take is let's say the opposite ends of the, you get, you give head in the dining room. I'll give head in the fucking living room, right?

1:29:59Yeah. Is that a good enough solution? Anyway, I guess what I would do is explicitly be like, I don't want to go to these parties when my therapist is there, but I like working with him. And then I would just, you know, if you're getting a lot out of it, didn't you say, what you say she got divorced right off of a relationship? A long term relationship out of one. Do you think you're going to go to poly or he or his, or our caller here sort of using the poly lifestyle is like, an, if you want to have a little hoe phase, you know, a, a, a supportive poly community as kind of a safe way to do that, right? Like you don't, these people are all friends. They're all fucking sharing vegan potlock recipes or whatever the fuck. I'm sorry. Like it's having a, they're having a good time. It's safer than going to bars and trying to, you know, hook up with random people. So that's, that would be my other question. Long term, you know, are you going to live here? Is this the community you're going to be in? Yeah.

1:31:00And then you're just long term because, you know, if it's not, if it, because if you, if you fire him as your therapist, you're still going to run the risk of seeing him at this party. Totally. So you're going to have to like figure this out. But again, this is just part of like the minefields that is like having to deal with that. And I think for you, I would guess if this is temporary, I would say just peel back from the, that party, you're just be like, hey, I'd love to be there, but you know, whatever, fucking Frank, if Frank is there, I, it just, I would prefer not to. And again, I would also make, I would just communicate your boundary to your fucking therapist. Because if you're like, hey, yeah, it actually would make me uncomfortable to be at the house at the same time as you. And you're there, it's like, come on. You don't want that. You don't want your therapist being like, please. Yeah. Can I keep going and charging you $100 a week? Please, I want both of these things. I do like what he said, so I think asking him outright if he's ever fucked anyone from

1:32:01the party's, or if he's ever gotten, if he's ever turned someone, he's fucked into a client. Those are both the good questions. Because part of me was like, you know, what are the ethics of, yes, it's uncomfortable, but should he necessarily remove himself from the parties to be a good therapist? If, if that's like his community or something, it's one or the other to me. Yeah. I'll give you a referral to a non freaky ass therapist, or I'm not going to these parties until you tell me you would be comfortable with that. That's what I think. Clearly, that's one of one of those two is the appropriate response in my mind. And so if he's a good enough therapist for you to not do those things, then yes, ask some follow up questions, make sure he's not on some weird predatory shit and just kind of go from there. It's also possible he's like gay or bi or whatever. So maybe they're not even in the same shit. Interesting. But I feel like these sex parties are usually pretty segmented off where it's like, if it

1:33:01is a queer one, it's pretty, you know what I mean? It's not co-ed, it's like, hey, that's the gay wing of the house. This is the straight, it's usually like either straight or, you know, all or it's all one or the other. From my experience with friends going to these, I could never go, I don't want to be watched while I talk. I know. I actually, ultimately, we're just jealous. I am jealous on some level. Have you ever dated anyone or been with someone who's floated that out? Is some like some like shit to you or like, hey, why don't we go to one of these? No. Because to me, it's been floated. I'm like, I'll be honest to you. I'm not interested in that whatsoever. Yeah. And maybe part of it is like so much of my life is performance. I can't even have sex like, you know, privately. But also it's like, you know, I don't know. I would love now. I amend my statement if it's all hot girls than me. That to me sounds awesome. Sure. But again, that's a fantasy where it's like, you know, I'm just curious because I like, I don't know, I, I, you would go as a, I just as a nature to know just the extremes

1:34:06of anything, you know, is always kind of, I just, I like to see rare rooms, you know, of course, whatever like that is. Is there been a swing or a situation with you or am I misremembering a different time now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I've never like gone into like a swing or no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I think I watched something maybe like a Louie, the Rue or something. Yeah, maybe some shit like that. I don't know. Yeah, it's like, he had a couple good docs about the swingers and stuff. But anyway, I'll send you that this is poly stuff. Please, like, it's kind of funny because there's just like one couple that's like poly, but it's actually just the boyfriend is cheating on this girl. And she's just like, that's not poly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have had friends who have figured out how to cheat within a poly framework. And it's almost like respect, respect for you, frigging that out. But anyway, this fucking therapist is keeping it way too mother fucking twisted. And I would say at the end of the day, here's, you guys hang out. It's crisp, it's fall. Get together, crack open a couple ice cold drinks and talk over your sexual dynamics with

1:35:12your poly therapist. Yeah. And remember always keep it twisted. Oh, fuck, holy shit. What the fuck? Oh, fuck, we're out of the twisted zone. We got to figure out some animations for that, at least. I'll speak in the devil. What do you mean there is an animation on that? Whatever, fuck you. But please, another fucking call you little piece of shit. Hello, Stavvy and beautiful guests. Elvis, thank you all for doing this podcast. I've got a funny story and I'd love your advice. I'm going to let you know right off the bat, this is basically the ultimate nerd fantasy. And I'm completely aware of how stereotypical this is. I also think it's pretty funny. So maybe we'll get some fun, funny out of this. Oh, that's the idea. I know a lot of game conventions, anime conventions, blah, blah. I run my own business in that kind of nerd geek space.

1:36:15So go to a lot of these. And there's one that I'm coming up to. You own a couple of nerd geek space, which is under where you can come in your own pants. It's like, thanks. Remember they had period panties that you could just have your period in. Yeah, he's making in sell underwear where you can nut in your fucking boxer briefs. And your mom doesn't have to do the laundry for seven whole days. I know. I know it sounds super nerdy. I keep going. Go to a lot of these. And they're basically diapers. He makes heavy duty diapers. Hello, sharks. Hello, sharks. If you don't like the Jack, what was our first idea? I forgot. Something to do with the Jack off theater. Keep going. Go to a lot of these. And there's one that I'm coming up to in a couple months. And one of the feature guests is a particular voice actress. And I was a young man. She voiced a character kind of a older-wise, milfy type who I had a big crush on.

1:37:16And I'd love to see. Hey, maybe there's any opportunity you want to go get drinks afterwards. I'd love to talk to you. Wait, the question is, actually, I'm going to let you know who this is. Yeah, the guy calling or the lady? No, the lady. No, I don't. I think I know. Okay. I think one of the lady who does Tommy Pickles has sort of weirdly huge kids. She just looks hot. There's a voice actress that has... How do you... I just popped up on my... I told you on my IG. She's on the bright. She just parted out, Algo. I think it was like a... Yeah, there was a weird voice. So she was in the... Right? Isn't there like a voice actress that's like awesome faked in? There is. My guess is that it's the woman that did the voice for Ash Ketchum, the Pokemon. Oh, really? She's hot as well. Yeah, look her up. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. I didn't know that. Keep playing, though. You're boy-facting. It's about how great you are, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

1:38:21So I know it's a one-in-a-million chance, but hey, what do you think? Okay. What would be your advice? And it's admittedly... I'm not going to advise you. I'm not going to advise you. Wait up. ...or 40 minutes, but it doesn't happen. Kind of things. I should also say, I don't have a major infatuation with this person. Dude, it's sad. I think you're going to be enchanting. I think you're going to meet them. And you've been in a very successful... I'm not going to like ask... What the fuck are you talking about? Are you out of your fucking mind? The question is... The question is, oh, I run a fucking... I have a business in the space. Do you fucking make the card protectors for fucking Pokemon cards? You think the lady who voiced the mount from Dexter's laboratory is going to suck your dick? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm sorry to be so... Sometimes I got to slap my friends around. This has happened, so he called... He called the... An hour and 40 minutes before... ...a couple of days before this happened. This is supposed to happen. But there's no point. I thought he deembed her. She weirdly respawned.

1:39:22I thought that was anything to go off of. But, actually, what the fuck are you talking about? You're going to have to engineer some kind of meet-cute on the street, far away from the venue. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to create a completely different life. What is... Yeah, yeah. She can, in fact, not know your, like, this at all. You have to start wearing three-piece suits and hanging out, like, where she, you know, gets coffee or something. And pretend you have a briefcase. Fucking gel your hair back. Yeah. Yeah, you got to, like, what... Like, Lana Del Rey's house vendor, whatever. Yeah, he's like a win-boat driver. He's just some regular-ass guy. Yeah, so get a win-boat license. Yeah, yeah, you know. Or a cop. Didn't you get a cop, too? Yeah. We can't tell you to be a cop. Get a win license. Yeah, if you want to play the long game, exit the biz. Exit the biz. Try something new. And maybe you can court her, I think, because of your differences will unite you somehow.

1:40:23I don't know. Well, it's tough at a convention that's like... The wall is higher than it's ever been at a convention. Like, I... Maybe not. And no, no, no, no. That's actually the most insane part of this whole thing. Is that you maybe could not have picked a worse scenario to try and fuck this lady up. Yeah. You think you're the only guy who's got this big idea. You don't think... And by the way, you're probably, in terms of the percentile, you're at least probably top 50% of the guys that want to fuck this lady at this thing. You got a business. You sound like you're well put together enough to form full sentences. Now, those sentences are fucking insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a phone to call us. You probably have access to Wi-Fi. Yeah. But like, I need to be very honest with you. This question is, there's a semi-famous lady that I'd like to fuck. How do I do it? And the question is, you don't get to do that. And if you do, it's not at a convention.

1:41:25It's like, this is crazy, but the lady, my new neighbor or this lady, I see it, my coffee shop is like, it's like, you're starting at negative 1,000. This is not even zero. This feels like zero. This is so far beyond zero. And it's like, by the way, does she have... Now, since she have a reputation for fucking these fans, because they're... One of my favorite things about Carrie Fisher, where she was like, yeah, I mean, you know how many guys who love Princess Lay that I fucked? Because she was awesome. She was like, it was cool as fuck. They were so pumped. And she just... So it's like, now, if you're cool, is she cool? Does she... Right now, but are you sexiest guy at the convention? Have you paid for a dinner with her, like, as a part of a contest? Right, right. Right now. But is... Right. Like, are you going to try to hit on her while she's signing, like, a glossy... Yes. These are all questions that he has for us.

1:42:26Yeah. Right? I'm not misreading this right now. She knows that she's in the building. Yeah, yeah. Basically, your thing is, I know the location of... For one day, I will know the location of a woman I want to fuck. How do I do it? Is there more? No, right? There's more, but that's basically the... That's the gist. Okay. Get real, pal. You're not fucking this lady. I mean, I'll... At a convention? I don't know. Maybe this guy has a risk that we don't know about. Maybe he's... Maybe he's extremely... Maybe he looks like, you know... It could be true. Oscar Isaac or something. He could look like Oscar Isaac. He could just be really handsome. Does he know anything about this woman? Is she even single? Aren't these people married? I think you should. Here, there's a car. There's a couple more close-ups in the whole business. I think that's... Them to do the voice, or anything, because that's a little too goofy. Right. That's ridiculous. That would be ridiculous. Social? I mean, that's for others, you decide, really. I'm pretty good looking. Well, that's also for others, you decide. I'm very lucky in that I've got a nice network of people.

1:43:28And I know a decent number of the guests who are already going. But yeah, what do you think about finding a good way to be like, hey, you want to get together, get drinks after me and my friends are going out to blah, blah, blah, etc. Anyway, good job with the pod, good job with everything. Thanks, pal. You know what? I'm going to dial it back. What? You're going to earn a nice guy. Yeah, he's not going to go, you know, full, malady with it. No, he's not. In fact, I didn't misread him. I mean, this is still insane. But I think the fact there's an innocence to this question that is the only shot you have. The fact that this is not calculated, the fact that you really are literally like, you know what? There's a lady I'd like to speak to at the event I'm going at. And then when he was like, I know some of the other people that are going there. So he says he's in the business. So now this is starting to get semi interesting, right? Because depending on the content, you cannot under any circumstances meet her as the context of pure fan.

1:44:29Yeah. And this is going to work. But if you have mutual friends, if you meet her in a business context, if you tell her, hey, I really, you know, I admire your work. I love whatever you want to throw her something she actually liked, not like the big, don't tell her about the thing that she probably fucking can't stand voicing that you love. There's a kid find some interesting work that she's done and give her a real compliment about something. But basically my thing is this is a one in one million chance. Yeah. You say, hey, pleasure meeting you, whatever. If you don't hit it off immediately, just move on, brother. Yeah. You can give it a whirl. You can whatever, but it's just not. I think the move might be just like do not lead with any acknowledgement of their voice acting career and just say, we have these people and just like, we have these people in common. I hear you might know this person. Sure. Then you talk for 30 seconds about that. Totally.

1:45:29And then it's like, we're going to have her drinks later if you want to come. Totally. I don't know. I think like all X factors that we can't see aside, I think that would maybe be the best. Yeah. So your thing here is like you have a one in a million chance and the answer is be polite and not weird. Yeah. And if you know, do not push the envelope whatsoever at all, the first instance of a no or what at rebuffing you get, you hit the you go away and you go, you go talk to some cosplayers. Yeah. And yeah, don't dress like, you know, talk with like a pacifier and it's math, you know, mommy. Yeah. So if you ever changed like adult bite. Yeah. That could be. Do you like poopy or pee pee? I don't know. Yeah, depends on what you're wearing to. But he's sound, hearing him talk, I'm like, you know what? This is just a nice guy with an actual question. So yeah, it comes down to how do I, you just have to decide if you have to look out for

1:46:31vibes and listen, sometimes you'll be shocked at who you connect with too. I don't know if this has ever happened to you where it's like, you know, starting, I mean, in the movie, actually, there's a part where you're like the GQ dinner, which is so fucking funny. Yeah. I, I don't actually, we'll talk about it off air, but like shit like that where you're like at a random place where you're like, what do I don't belong here? This year, I've started getting into a couple of those rooms and you'll be shocked at who just because like everyone there is just a person at work essentially, you'll just randomly hit it off with people, right? And sometimes that's friendships, sometimes that could be romantic, who knows? And sometimes not even people you expect it to be, right? I don't know if you've ever had that experience where you're like, whoa, that fucking guy's cooler than I fucking gave him credit for or whatever the fuck. And so look, maybe that happens to you. Yeah, it gets like a person at work. It probably won't. Yeah. And then who knows? Maybe his ladies have a bad day. She's because that's the other thing. I felt bad where it's like, I'm on the road and I have like friends or something in a

1:47:33city and they're like, we gotta hang out, we gotta, and I'm in the middle of a fucking two week tour and I just need to sleep literally all day because I'm so, you know, I'm sick, I'm hungover, I have a show that night and I don't want to do anything. This one might just be at work. That's another thing. Yeah, exactly. So again, this isn't going to happen. Your only shot is to be, but very polite. And if by some strange bizarre reason, there is an actual connection there, you're like, Hey, we're going out to this fucking place or whatever or you maneuver to get into like a dinner with other people that you know there, whatever with mutual friends. Don't hit her with a hand buzzer. No. Yeah. Women hate that. They hate that kind of stuff. They hate that. Do not under any circumstances have a little fucking squirted flower. Squirted carnation that you squirt. Don't do that. Like, gotcha. So yeah, good luck. I appreciate the Moxie. I appreciate the desire. Yeah. And if it works out, bring her to the cinema.

1:48:34Absolutely. Bring her to the cinema without question. If it works out, let us know. I will, I will mail you a check for $1,000 American. Literally, I will do that. Give us a call, little eldest. Hmm. What's up, Stavvy and the bean to get? I got a question for you. We started talking to this gal probably about a year ago. Nice. Going back and forth and then tick, video calls. Yeah. Elizabeth San Diego and then Texas. A year? Not really used to flying to meet somebody or having them fly to me. But basically I decided to pull the trigger, book the flight. And shot her here. I'm trying to pull the trigger. She's going to be my wife or she's going to die. Sorry. Sorry. Keep going. Headed out there to meet her and then she goes, hey, I just went to a tattoo shop.

1:49:37She's a little context too. I'm in my mid 30s. She's probably 26. And she goes, hey, I'm going to a tattoo shop. I just got a tattoo on my lip. And I said, oh, what's on it? What word did you get? Did you get WWE, did you get swag? Good job. I said, no, I'm a video call you and show you. And she hops on the call and it says, it says the word bitch. Gal who I thought I knew had the word bitch tattooed on her lower lip. It said that hyped

1:50:48you know, your body's you can do what you want with it. Right. And of course, I'm sorry. But it does just like fully on you. If your bitch has tattoos, you might be about, actually. Everyone knows this man's a doormat. If his bitch has a tattoo, he doesn't like it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That nobody can see. Yeah, exactly. I mean, the fact that the word bitch is too much for you, is like, you listen to this podcast, don't you? Yeah. I mean, listen, if it's on her, like, if it's a weird musta, if we're missing something and she has a straight up face tattoo, but it sounds like it's one of these, right? But is she a bitch? Is she a bitch or is it just funny? Like, what, like, how, how, how is this a surprise to you? And she must be insanely tatted up and she's getting ironic lip tattoos. So that's probably part of it. I don't know. I get the sense that he doesn't care about the profanity. Just kind of corny, you know? You think he's not, he's not pearl clutching. He just thinks like, honestly, you know,

1:51:49be worse than the, than the bitch is be like, if someone just got a mustache on her index finger and just started doing that. Yeah, I think it's like that for him. Oh, interesting. It's like, I got it from him. It's not what I read it from him. Really? I don't know. It's hard to say. Remember this, I feel so bad, because there was a girl who got this when she was like, when I was like 60 and she was 17. And this is 20 years ago. And this was groundbreaking. Yeah. And the first girl I saw with index finger mustache, in 2000, what was this, six? That was funny. Where is she now? I actually don't know. I should look around. What the fuck was her name? She was somebody's cousin. So she wasn't, you know, when, like, those kids that weren't in the main social circle, but it's like someone's cousin's coming to visit or something like that. Yeah, the cousin's. Of course. But you know what I mean? It's like when a new girl, you're like, whoa, is this the smartest, funniest? Maybe I was under that a little bit too, where it's like a girl who hadn't rejected me yet, or just had an implied reject,

1:52:52because everyone you grow up with, it's like, you know what I mean? You know who wants to hook up with who when you're like a kid? Sure. Anyway, this girl had that mustache and I thought that was a fucking good move in 2006. But I feel like the inner lip tattoo kind of like, has that. It's in this family. It's as well. I'm not saying it's cool, but what I'm saying is to me, it's not a deal breaker, because it's hidden. If she got a horny ass, like, millennial tattoo that was obvious, that's different to me. Inner lip is like, well, that's a safe space to be a corny bitch in my opinion. It feels almost arbitrary that it's a tattoo because like, I can't tell if it's, it's, because it's not a superficial embarrassment that he's worried about. I think it's more of like, this like internal embarrassment. What it says about her, which is kind of what you're, you two are aligned here. That's fair. I guess it goes away. I think, I mean, it does, I suppose it's like in four or five years, whatever. That's a good point.

1:53:53Well, is he done? Yeah. I mean, look, whatever you want is a deal breaker. You don't have to fucking date anybody you don't want to. I mean, I have some bad tattoos where we got, and they didn't, you know, nobody broke up with me. I don't think I said too. I mean, I got a tattoo when I was 18. That's on my butt. Hell yeah. It just says the word balls. That's a great tattoo. And it's like, and it's like, but it's like, it's pretty like, it's pretty like a faded from sitting on it. Sure. Is that how tattoos work? You said on the face? Yeah. Well, you like, I was originally gonna get, gonna get another bottom of my foot, but then the tattoo artist was like, that'll fade away. And I was like, oh, yeah, God, we're good. Well, I need to. Yeah. I can't, this is a testament to who I am. So I gotta get it. I'm fucking, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, that was, you know, history. And, you know, that's different than if I got it now,

1:54:56I think like a friend or someone would be like, why, like that's so immature? Why would you do that? That's a good point. I guess we don't know the, what is the picture of this woman, right? Because to me, here's the other thing though, how many tattoos does she have? Yeah, does she have a bunch of Halloween free, you know, lucky 13 Halloween tattoos? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. If she's a super tattooed person, to me, this actually means almost nothing, right? Like to me, it's like, someone with that many tattoos, getting this, it's like, it almost becomes meta-ironic on a level. I mean, tattoo artists have some of the worst tattoos. You've ever seen in your fucking life, the people who respect this art form the most, right? The biggest fans of tattoos have like kind of dumb tattoos and it doesn't mean much. So that's why I love Ink Master. I love Ink, you know, it's like the best. It's such a good show. And it's also, so it's also because it would represent but also the way, the way they shoot these shows

1:55:58where these people are clearly in a place for one week and they're not sleeping enough. And then they're forcing random people to get horrific tattoos so that they like, so it fits in their like challenge or whatever. It's like, do a whole back piece in four hours. Yeah. And they have to talk to these poor people that VH1 or whoever has signed, they've signed a release. Yeah, I know, it's like we're doing like a, we're doing like a, like a Koi fish that's like, you know, what do they call it, trash polka? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the most, that is the most horrific tattoo genre of all time. Trash polka. Trash polka, I don't know that. I gotta fucking, look at that. You've seen it. I've seen it probably because I did, I did drop off. Those challenges are the most heinous. I did drop off Ink Master's recently but I might have to get back in this might be a, it's worth catching up. I mean, there was that great finale episode where Dave Navarro was suspended by hooks on his back and was being flown, like, just flown around the stage.

1:56:59Oh, yeah, I see what you mean. This is fucking horrible. Yeah, like stuff like that. This is some millennial shit to the max for sure. This is the worst parts of us. Although I'm seeing one half trash polka that's V for vendetta and the other half is a skull. Yeah. What beautiful imagery that is. It's, yeah, it's a little American idiot. Yeah, absolutely fuck that's brutal. I have a friend who one time was like, dating this girl from a dating app who, you know, she was good looking whatever, but, she was just like, she let him fuck on the first date. It was just like a nice stream of pussy for a little while. But he could tell that, he could tell that she was just like into him in a very uneven, almost manic way. She was super into it and I feel like he was just like, hey, I'm just fucking, and one day she texted him, she had a picture of a tattoo of,

1:58:00it was the word babe in a way that was like very tight into like a weird cutesy like inside joke that was kind of developing within them between them. And she just sent that with a caption, I did a thing. Oh, no, no, no, no. So that just happened. She hit him with the Marvel, Captain America, fucking little comedic relief. Yes. And I think, I think that moment, he was just like, I've gone too far. I've led her on to such a crazy thing. Like this would have to pay court ordered restitution for that one. This was not worth a few extra times I got pussy. And I feel like that's what this guy is feeling. This is my friend. But he's been though, this guy's been in, this guy's been in a like long distance relationship with somebody who doesn't even know. I think she said he only flew out like once. Yeah, in an LDR way, I forgot how they met, but it's like, I mean, it's more the shock of not realizing

1:59:01you don't know a person. Of course. He says, he says, I feel like I realize I don't know. This person, I feel like he realized how much she doesn't understand him. And she would think he would be excited by her corny lip tattoo. That says bitch, you know? Yeah, and also it's like, what do you mean you don't know her? You actually talk to her more than like, you probably talk when you're in a weird, long distance relationship where you haven't fucked that much. It's actually a weird scenario where you're kind of even more communicative. It's one thing if you dated someone for like six months, then they have to move for work or whatever. It's like, you know, you probably face time a little more whatever, but when you started, when you met online and the only way for you to have connection is by talking all the time, I think you probably know this person kind of more than you would someone you were casually dating in your own city is my read on it. Yeah. And he's just like, has he been, you know, pusmatized? Has he been reverse dickmatized?

2:00:01Yeah. About is she just hot? She's a decade younger than him. Maybe she's tattooed up. Maybe she's hot. Maybe that's all this is. And that's his kind of way of being like, what he means by, I don't know where that well is. Fuck, I just like wasted 18 months of my life talking to a hot girl I don't respect. Yeah, I guess that's a possibility. I don't know. You're just, to me, it's not, for me personally, it's not enough of a deal breaker, but ultimately everyone gets to decide what a deal breaker is, that's what being in a relationship is, you have to stay stuck because you feel bad. If this is like a major red flag, then the, the, like, you know, everything around it must have been shallow enough that you don't, that's a great point. You wouldn't really know this or, I don't know. No, that's a great point. It shouldn't have taken this long. Yeah, it shouldn't have taken this long. And, and do you, I don't think there's anything wrong by the time they get bitch tattooed on their lip, like, you should know. You should have, there's been some signs. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2:01:01That's a good, that's a really good point. Yes, she wanted to, she keeps, she keeps sending you invaders in memes. Yeah. Or whatever the fuck. Now we're dating ourselves. But maybe, I mean, 28, what's the equivalent? All her a bitch, and that's why she got it. Was it a gay inside joke? An inside joke. Yeah. And she into being degraded sexually, and like, she wants to pull that, while she's getting fucked, she wants to be like, oh, fucking bitch. Yeah. That could be cool. To me, that's an interesting application. Yeah. Like if we were, if we were, you know, having this conversation right now, and you pulled up your shirt, and there was a huge Deadpool piece. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I would be like, I don't know. Deadpool thuglight. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Like I get it, front stomach, a Deadpool stomach piece where his face is my entire round belly, that's not bad. I don't know how about how I would feel about everything that came previous. Right. That is true. But you wouldn't, I don't know, but it's like hard to mentally, you know, make sense of that because it's like,

2:02:02you wouldn't be the same person. Of course. No, no, I know what you mean. I know what you mean. But yet, I guess, and then, I guess he now, he wants to know how to get out of this or whatever, and it's like, that's not hard. That's not hard. You don't live in the same fuck. Turn off your phone. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I don't know. Yeah, just be like, hey, you're great, whatever, but... You could literally just blame it on the long distance thing. Or just get your own lift tattoo that says like, this isn't, you know, it's gonna work. That embarrassing to get tattooed here, and I consider it a deal breaker, and send her a picture of that. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. And then be like, see, I sacrificed as well. I am also hurt here. And for four years, I'll have to look at this. Yeah. Or maybe take inventory of things like that, that you have in your life, that may be a deal breaker for her that she's looking beyond. That's a good point. You know, just, you know, maybe it might be a way to humble yourself in a certain way, and just realize that everyone has their own quirks

2:03:04that may not always line up with your romantic ideals. But, you know... That's a great way to put... All of us have Cornishit other people shouldn't see ever. You know what I mean? I mean, you know, stand up doing podcasting and loving stand up, or kind of the top for me. But I don't know, but like tattoo, you know, can we all just admit the person you're with is not gonna have... Yeah, like you said, it's not gonna... Not everyone lines up perfectly, and there is stuff that you're not that you don't give a fuck about. And to me, it feels like he's just kind of out here, and he's pretending this is something, aha moment. When in reality, it's like, you probably are just... Let's be honest, you might just be tired of being in a long distance relationship with someone that's actually... Yeah, they're younger. Long distance relationship with someone you don't love is insane. Yeah. This is someone you met online, the fuck are we talking about? Probably, I guess, I don't know. But it's like, a no-dr's gotta be with someone you fuck it. Like, you're like, this is so fucking annoying, but I love this person.

2:04:04One day, we will have a beautiful relationship together in the same city. Yeah. If that's not your vibe, get the fuck out. Tattoo or no tattoo? Yeah, I tried that once or twice. Did you? I tried that one day a year ago, and it's just like... I just don't like talking on the phone. Yeah. I just like, I prefer, you know. Like, I'm really present whenever I'm with anyone, in person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really like, thrive off that, but it's just like, on the phone, I'm just like... Yeah. I don't know, I can't. The humor doesn't work as well. I know, I know you're not hard. It's like, I like to see people's facial expressions stuff. You know, I weirdly do like talking on the phone. I think it's from years of commuting to do stand-up and then driving on the road and like... Yeah. There were times in my life where I feel like, I'll just, we kept in touch in a crazy way because I had all these like two-hour drives for stand-up. And I would just call, I would call you, I would call Ben, I would call straight George. I just had like, the guys that now are just in my life constantly, we used to talk all the time.

2:05:05And so I kind of... I'm expecting to get into that. And sometimes I had like, when I was dating girls, they would be like, it was right in the sweet spot of like me feeling like an old man. When I'd be like, I would call like a girl who's like, you know, six years younger than me on the phone. She'd be like, what are you my fucking dad? Like I miss, face down to me is weird. Yeah, yeah. And texting is like, I actually feel the way you feel about the phone about texting, I think. Oh, and I actually fucking despise it. And I'm just, I don't like doing it. Like if I wasn't in a couple group chats with friends, I don't feel like that's a real connection. Only when I'm really like at my laptop and almost it's instant messenger. Do I feel like I'm having a conversation with someone? I'd your laptop on instant messenger. What's up? On instant messenger on your laptop? I mean, yeah, you know, when like you have fucking on your live chatting, huh? When you're live chatting, you're shooting off messages. Like I'm going crazy. Yeah, I'm like having a real like, like, it feels like aim.

2:06:06Yeah, yeah. I message, you know? Yeah. That's rare. That's here on a flight or some shit. Like when the fuck are you ever going to, the only time that I've ever had those conversations and like, I'm literally on like some five hour flight. And I'm like, yeah, fuck it. This person wants to keep talking to me. Yeah. He's up to flight. Nice. Smarter child. The original AI. Bring back smarter child. I should. Yeah, that was cool to be like, so are you a fucking bitch smarter child? Yeah, so just, yeah, design some kind of, if you want to cut it off, design some kind of like relay system where it actually puts her in touch with smarter child. Yes. When she's texting you. You need an AI. Yeah. Oh, that's true. You need an even bigger dramatic reveal. Go back and pretend she's never spoken to you. She's been talking to your AI or your chatbot. And she'll feel like, this guy doesn't know me at all. She'll feel what you're feeling with the bitch tattoo with the fake realization that she's never spoken to you. But in reality, she has been talking to you, but you're just not listening at all because you're thinking about nutting on her.

2:07:06And you had one brief moment of clarity for the first time in its 16 months where you're like, wait, do I even fucking give a fuck about this lady? And the answer might be no. And Phitya, this is always what it took to speak loud. It happened. Yeah. Sooner than later. Well, I think that's going to do for us here on Stavis World's folks. Go watch the history of concrete. Wow, you really should. It's very good. It is really fucking good. Like I said, I've seen it three times. One time in theaters and sober. Wasn't it? All right. Thank you. But if you can't see it, there's Go See It. It's fun as fuck. And yeah, just go to the actual theater. Go to the cinema. The cinema. What's the year round name of it? Low cinema. Low cinema? Yeah. A little W. But yeah, you don't got to see it there. The end will, the run will end there eventually. But yeah, just go around, laugh with other people. It's a very good feeling. It's very funny to think you literally found a way

2:08:08to make documentary, comedic filmmaking into a small business. Because you're like, eventually I will run my own film at my cinema and just take it for it. I mean, this is like what immigrants think. Any of the movies is? You buy a small cinema. You put your movies in there for free. Yeah, exactly. It's very funny that you have turned Ridgewood into like a village. Yeah. It is kind of like this kind of Ghanian way. Yeah. We'll make our money back. 12 bucks a pop. Yeah. On Madness at the cinema, I own. Yeah. Well, that's the thing is that one with Magnolia, well, I was like, when the movie was about to come out, I was like, do I have to pay you guys to play my own movie at my own movie theater? Yeah. And they were like, oh, that's unprecedented. Yeah. Wow. Scott Suckers. So yeah. But after the first 45 days, then we get to keep.

2:09:09We have to pay them like 50% or something. Gotcha. For the first 45 days. Oh, right. Second run movie theater type stuff. I'd never grow up going to those where it's like they're playing. Yeah, I saw Stuart Little nine months after it came out. Yeah, or like lost in space or something. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, we're kind of like that. We're trying to get some more first run stuff. I don't know. You're your thing that go on theater. The Santa special. That was. That was Netflix, right? Netflix, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But you know, I don't know. I've been thinking about what does a special even mean anymore? They're so there. It's like such an, it is in reality an outdated concept where it was, you got a cool director to make it. I don't know. I love it. Don't get me wrong. I'm really proud of it. And like, yes, Matt, it was awesome working with Matt. But I just mean like culturally these things existed when you didn't have access to stand ups when it was like, I really, and by the way, they didn't tour as much or you lived somewhere. It was awesome to be like, whoa, Richard Pryor is going to do an hour of his best stuff and put it in movie theaters. Whereas now it's like people are sick of their favorite comics.

2:10:12They hear me talk three hours a week, maybe minimum, or at least an hour and a half, whatever. Then we're posting clips. Then we're out on everybody else's fucking podcast. You know what I mean? It's just like, yeah, it just makes you rethink. Whereas something like putting it in theaters is interesting or putting like a non-completely finished version of it in communal spaces where it's like, because if the whole point is let's get more people to see it, maybe like, I mean, yeah, anyway. I'm, man, I'm less interested in the idea of viewers than I am in the idea of like just like having an optimized way to watch it, you know, just like with other people. Yeah, yeah, totally. The communal experience is so, is very important. So it's like, yes, I guess what I'm saying, what I'm trying to get at is like, look, most people go see the shit online if left to their own devices, or I have to go do it in person basically. It's like, yeah, that is, is like showing stuff in theaters for maybe even free, like talking

2:11:16to cool indie theaters being like, go what, like charge nothing. I mean, that's what we did with the Sherman, our Sherman special. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, showed it for free. That's awesome. I mean, we would have charged money for it. Of course. Yeah, yeah. No, wait, we would like one of me, anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, a lot of guys, some, you know, we all offered soup and a use of a restroom for seven minutes with purchase with with signing up of every day, get to see Sarah, Sarah special. John, thank you, brother. Thanks for doing the part of this. Yeah, thanks for having me, man. I can't wait to, I have not checked out. The, you know, it was a big fan of your cinema's, our, his friend of the show, Zach Cherry. Oh, yeah. He, he goes all the time. Yeah, I've been meaning to go, I've been meaning to go check out a picture with my boy. But yeah, I'm excited, man. I can't wait. Yeah, anytime. Let me know when you want to come. We always save tickets for the door. So I love it. I love it. You know, I will hit you up for free. We got, we got nice seats.

2:12:16I love the comfortable, comfy's big, with a bad back. I've been, I've been watching a lot of movies and I will say is some of our beautiful movie palaces. They need a refresh bad. They need it. They do need a refresh. Real bad. So we got our seats from a strip mall church in like Ann Arbor or something. That's awesome. That there was like a website called seats and chairs.com. That, there's the phone number. There's one guy that picks up the phone. It is the most like Tim Robinson, like, ass. Hello. Hello, job. How many you need? How many seats are chairs do you want? Yeah. Now, are we doing seats or chairs? All right. So check out the how-to archives, which John doesn't get paid. Check more importantly, check out the history of concrete and finally check out seats and chairs.com. For all of it. Please do. Yeah. If you're looking for a movie theater seat or a bench, it sounds like they got you covered. If that's the one thing that's stopping you from opening your own theater, hit this

2:13:17guy's got you covered. Guys got you covered. He's got you covered. We'll see you next time guy. Oh, and I get, now we're done plugging the special. It's over. We'll see you next time. I'll see you next time. Thank you.