#139: How to say no (and be heard)

You've done the inner work, the soul searching, the assertiveness training. You're no longer a people-pleasing pushover who agrees to anything anyone asks. These days, you're someone who's not afraid to guard their own boundaries. You know the word 'no', and you're not afraid to use it. Go you! But there's a problem. Sometimes, saying 'no' doesn't work. You get pushback. It feels like sometimes people don't hear you. You don't understand why this happens. And while you've learned to be comfortable with saying 'no', you're out of your depth when it comes to fighting your corner against people who go all-out to get a 'yes'.

I've got you covered, my friend. With a dollop of philosophy of language, a side-serving of sociolinguistics, and a sprinkle of sociology, you can understand what's going on, and what you can do about it. 

References:

Brown, P. and Levinson, S. 1987: Politeness: Some Universals in Language Usage (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press).

Goffman, Erving. 1967: Interaction Ritual: Essays on Face-to-Face Behavior (New York: Pantheon Books).

Grice, H. Paul. 1975: ‘Logic and Conversation’, in Cole, P. and Morgan, J. L. (eds.) Syntax and Semantics, Vol. 3, Speech Acts (New York: Academic Press), 41-58.