A Cantucket Yankee in King Arthur's Court

0:00Hi. Hi. The audience needs to know that Jenna is wearing a denim jacket and she looks so good, isn't it? I don't think the audience needs to know that. No, the audience does not need to know that in fact. She dressed up for them and she's back to her signature nail color. You guys tonight's gonna be a great show. So what's up? No, they can't possibly be true. Oh, do I have somebody say? No. I went to a burlesque show. Oh, when? Friday. Nice. Yeah, I went with a friend of ours. Oh, I can't wait to find out off. Oh, no, I'll tell you not because she was a guest. Chrissy, everyone knows what she is. Oh, Chrissy, everyone, everyone knows and loves Chrissy.

1:02I don't know if that's not confidential. Is it like she wouldn't want people not to know what she went? She said it in the green room the other day. Someone was like, oh, Chrissy, what did you do this weekend? She said, oh, Francie and I went to a burlesque show in the green room. Yeah. I guess the time square of the theater. I see. I see what you mean. I don't remember who it was, but it wasn't like someone that she wasn't hiding that information. Yeah, it was someone that she doesn't like know. It's someone she doesn't like. Yeah, okay. Anyway, yeah, we went. There was money like we threw out money, but every time I tipped to try to throw out money, like curled up and flew back at my in my face. Whoops. I told them we should have tied money to strings. Yeah, I know. Because they don't collect it till the end. So it's like, I kind of got to that whole show for like one buck. That's such a funny visual. To me, always the money on a string thing is just a funny gag constantly. Is your quarter sitting in the ground? Yeah. Or like when people, I don't like it when people glue

2:10change to the ground. That's such a dick move. I know. Because if I legitimately thought, even if it's not coming from a place of need, if I thought I dropped a quarter and now I'm trying to, it's a glue and I feel stupid. Yeah. I know. Yeah. And there are, you know, they're, well, they're probably not watching. They probably watched for a while then. They probably did for a bit, but that begins glue. So that's there forever now. Like God, you just named me so mad at them. God, I hate them. I, I, I think hate them. Can I just tell you something right now? Yeah, yeah. I think people that do that are possibly the worst people that have ever lived of all time. No qualifiers. I think they're demons from hell. They probably are actual demons. God. Everyone knows that's where glue comes from. Hell. Yeah. So for almers, almers is pure. That's the, that's the good glue. Yeah. Do you like the smell? I mean, audience, I don't do this, but do you like a smell of what's the, what's the glue? It wasn't like a, in your, we were in

3:13school and it came in like a silver container and you unscrewed it. What cement? No. What glue? What was it called? What cement? Paper cement. Paper cement. Paper cement. Was it, wait, are you thinking of the white stuff? No. It was clear. Oh, no. Yeah. You're talking about the glue. Yeah. What's the, what's the white stuff? The paper, liquid paper. Oh, liquid. I don't know what that. Yeah, you do. It's, it's white out. White out. Oh, that's liquid paper. Yeah. I like white out. White out is a nice, a nice smell, but paper cement. I was like, DVD 40 for kids. The, the answer is yes. It doesn't matter what you're talking about. The answer is yes. What is it about an industrial fume? Oh, yes. And you unscrew the top. Yeah. It has a brush built on to it. Yes. It got the, oh, the, so satisfying. Very satisfying. Yeah. Sense of the best. New shoes, gasoline, turpentined. You know what the best one is for meldehyde? Because, have I smelled for you? Oh, you have into the department store? Yeah, smell of like macy's. Yeah, that's like, I thought that

4:17was just like fresh clothes smell. No, it's, it's clothes that has its industrial chemicals on them, including for meldehyde. Don't see me if that's not true, but that's what I read. Because I tried finding like a, a laundry detergent that would make my clothes smell like them all. Yeah. And the internet was like, that's for meldehyde and chemicals. You're like, great. That's all I ask. Where do I buy it? You didn't answer my question. Internet. Yeah. Sell it to me. Yeah. So I love to, this is why I never wash. You might think I'm gross with this. When I buy something from macy's or dealers or whatever, I wear it before I wash it. Oh, me too. Yeah. Oh, big time. Especially because it's never quite the same after you. No, it never will be. Wash it. That's, you know, we did the episode, Signs of We're Rich. Yeah. Guess what? My assistant's bringing me new clothes every day for the department store. Yeah. Yeah. One time you use clothes. Yeah. Well, welcome to very fine friends. podcasts where friends talk about stuff, including for meldehyde. Yeah. Get it. So do funeral

5:21homes smell like that? Isn't it for meldehyde? Maybe, but maybe the human body takes away from that. Maybe it's a competing scent. It's our own gross smells. Yeah. Because they're decomposing enough for meldehyde. Wait, I'll help. It's like for meldehyde, just, we got this, okay? Just let them decompose. Go to the store where you belong. Yeah. Be on my clothes. Back to macy's. Apparently it's super bad. But I like it all. Like, when you're like getting like a new home or like a new car and like you're smelling a new car smell, you're like breathing in like VOCs and toxic views. New car smell. Oh. Top tier smell. Oh yeah, for sure. The more toxic, the more I like it. Yeah. God, that's how they get you. Yeah. That's the trick. If you don't like it, then you're like, well, I guess I can eat this because it can't be toxic because I don't like it. You're probably right. Yeah. That's the new way to tell if something is edible. You smell it and if you don't enjoy the smell. Yeah. Like you know you wouldn't eat like I WD 40 at home, right? I was like cleaning the door. Yeah. I smelled it. I loved it.

6:24You know you can't eat that. Your brain just knows. You're like, this is this is not edible. Yeah. But your brain's also like, but that's okay because you have other senses. This one's for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever smelled anything so much that you get high from it? Because that's like a thing, right? Huffing paints and Oh, definitely. I'm not into that except I will say, okay, just disclaimer. Audience, just skip ahead 15 seconds if you don't like grow stuff. Sometimes you clean the toilet bowl and you put like chemicals in it. Yeah. And then you forget it's there and you pee, ammonia, or bleach or whatever. Like it like mixes with the chemical and then just like toxic fume. I've definitely noticed that before. Wait, isn't that like deadly? How are you alive then? Well, because like it's just such a trace amount. Yeah, I didn't pick it up and I was like, oh yeah. Yeah. I was like, oh, it's bad. It's bad. First into the bowl. But first watching. Song into the bathtub. Yeah. New invention.

7:25Goodbye, cruel world. New invention. Suicide by this. Yeah. Quick interruption. Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word. Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing. If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point. And right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words. Jenna's secret word is cattle. Jenna's decoy word is deceptions. Francis's secret word is hostage. Francis's decoy word is pyramids. Back to the pod. Well, I think this is a perfect segue actually to our next segment. Smart first segment.

8:30The invention of the week. Inventions. Yeah. That's right, Jenna. New invention is a great segue into invention of the week. You guys. Hey, rhyme it up, you guys. You guys are just getting a sneak peek in how my twisted brain works. It's snookpook. You want me to talk? I would love that. All right. Put your seatbelt on. I'm about to change society in the way we function. What? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, but everything has been perfect so far. That's what you've thought. That's what they led you to believe. That's what big world said. Not us. You know how there's an insurmountable amount of waste going on every day. I do know that. You love it has to do with eating out and like to go containers and stuff. I do do that. You're gonna love this. Great. Imagine. Imagine everything. Here's my. Okay, I thought of all of it. Go on.

9:35You're great. Gosh, I love you. Okay. Here it is. I have envisioned a world that I think is achievable. We're inventing a new world. Yeah. Okay. That's one of this. No, you're gonna love this. Love it. You know how would I say this? Okay. So I've invented eating containers. You know, like when you go to you know, you got to pay an express. I love you, by the way. Love what you're doing. And they give you the it's the container. Styrofoam container. It's got about three compartments. Yeah. What if they switched from Styrofoam to a little like metal, like a metal container. Here we go. Okay. You go out and you buy one. You, Jenna, you buy one. Okay. You go to panic express. We're really pimpin' them on this episode. But you got to panic express. Hey, we need sponsors, panic express. Hey, do you love your orange chicken? Yeah, let's go back

10:36to the other room. Oh, we're episode. We're episode. I meant recipe. We're episode. Anyway, you go to them and they and what you do is you hand them your container. Okay. Okay. And they take it and they put it in their back of their short end to be cleaned, right? You'll never see that one again. But because you came with one, they give you one. So they take a clean one of theirs and they scoop it. It's like a universal product. Okay. They put the food in it and they give it to you and you eat it there and you can return it and they'll give you one to take back or you can take it home and like clean it and then bring it to the next place. But everyone buys these and brings them where they're going to eat. And then it's like a swap system. So there's no more styrofoam plastic containers. And if you don't like that, you don't have to bring it necessarily. You could get a key chain or it could be an app on your phone. That's a barcode that they scan and that knows that you bought one. And then it says that Jenna can get a new one. Okay. And you eat it and you rinse it and you bring it to the next

11:44place and they're going to clean it. They just throw it in the back and they sanitize it and then it goes into their rotation. Do you see what I'm going for? I do. It sounds like you want people to just bring plates with them everywhere. Well, you know, I have garbage bags in my trunk. And so when I go to like the store, I pull out my reasonable bag. It could be like that. Oh, we're going in. How do I have two people with me? Two metal balls. But okay, so for Panda Express, for example, they're in balls for the only example. They're in balls a lot, right? Are you going to be walking around with a like a metal to go container while you're shopping? Then that's 10 more cents. You don't have to pay for a plastic bag for your shopping goods. Wait. When you're done eating, it can be used as a shopping bag is what I'm saying. Oh, okay. Oh, here's a different idea. What about you don't carry it around?

12:52When you go to Panda Express, you buy the food and they put a surcharge on like a deposit like those glass bottles. And when you bring it back somewhere, anywhere that participates in the program, you get your money back. This sounds like a great way for any businesses that start participating to go out of business, because then people will just not go there anymore. I mean, I would go. Most people would not go there anymore. They could still have some of their shitty old products. Okay. Part of here's the thing. Part of the great thing about a to go container is that you can throw it away. In fact, I would say that's the main part of a to equal parts being able to take your food away and then throwing it away. Think about how many of those containers get thrown away on people's lunch hours. No one wants to be driving around with

13:54as much as we love orange chicken. No one wants to be driving around for like five hours on their like in their work truck with a to go container that's reeks of orange chicken. Also like in terms of net environmental impact, like if you spend five hours driving around looking for a place to recycle this. You would. No, there's also the new gas is metal. No, you know how there's post office boxes and donation bins. This is a huge network. They're everywhere. It's going to be like I have a letter to drop off and right next to it, plate return. So we need to build a massive network of these plate return thing. You know, I bet you people complain when they were like we should build a freeway that goes everywhere and people were like, what? That's ridiculous. Same people would be complaining now. But boy, we sure love driving on it. Okay, well, the difference is if the freeway was like, no, we're going to create this huge thing. It was like,

15:00no, no, I already have a way to get from here to there. I don't. And also the freeway wasn't built to solve an environmental problem. It was built to solve a transportation problem. Again, I would point to you to end up the amount of gas and emissions that would be involved in that. Here's my worry with this. People are just going to start throwing away the metal. Then they're losing on in their deposit. But again, if it's that they have to do a deposit, people will go through the trash looking for them. They do it for kids. So you're just saying there's going to be a network of people that go through looking for these. And what kind of a deposit are we talking about here? $2.99. That's too much, Francis. You just added a $3 surcharge to Bandit Express. Well, you're going to get it back. You can eat there. Go right back up and scan it. And then boom, it goes on to your card. You're three bucks. Yeah, you're basically putting a security deposit on every fast food meal you have. And then also why wouldn't people just be like,

16:03I'm bringing my own bowl. Just portion everything into my own little home bowl. Well, their home bowl, home bowl, has to be network compliant because they can't just put your food in your bowl that you brought from home. They have to give you a clean when they sanitize. But this is an impractical solution. You're creating this. There's going to be so many of these that get on your, you have to, you're going to have to produce so many of them to make sure that the demand is met if there is a demand. And inevitably, that's going to lead to a surplus that is going to lead to it more environmental waste. Look, Francis, forget about your pride and step off your high horse. Okay, you're not being very humble. Right home bowl back. That was all I wanted to say. Okay, let's just do a little role play. I work at this amazing place called Pay and Express. Okay, you come up and be the customer. I'll be the bowl. You're going to be the

17:08bowl. Okay. Hi, welcome to Pay and Express. Hi, I'll do the, um, the two, all the two Entry Special, two Entry Special. Let me ask you real quick. Did you want to go with a standard Styrofoam throwaway bowl? Or do you participate in our earth savers program? Styrofoam is good. Okay, here you go. Oh, look, another customer. Hello, welcome to Pay and Express. What can I get for you? Uh, I'll take the, the two Entry play, two Entry play. Oh, that's great. Would you like a traditional Styrofoam nasty throwaway? Or do you buy, or do you buy any chance to participate in our super clean, amazing earth saver program? Oh, I'm nasty for sure. Oh, you're nasty. Give me one more of them. Styrofoam nasty ones. Okay, I think I have one more customer. Hi. Hi. Can I get you anything out of a steel plate? A steel plate? Yes, that's what the doctor is putting my head. Oh, then you guys will be a match made in heaven. Our nasty, filthy, poopy Styrofoam is,

18:09it's next to the dumpster, but luckily for you are beautiful. Long life left to live earth saver program is available. Do I have to sign up for something to be part of this program? That a bit, but it's quick. Oh, I don't know about that. Panda is closed. As you can see, our testing revealed that a third of the market was curious about the earth saver program. A third of the market was also nasty. The first thirds seem normal, though. Yeah. Okay. Well, we should start. We could start this out in Portland. Yeah. And then watch how quickly it deteriorates. That's fine. Portland is a proving ground for these things. I know that this all seems like it's hard to imagine, but no, it's easy to imagine and it's also easy to see how

19:10it's failing. The whole thing with reusable bags or whatever, there's now so many reusable bags on the planet. There's too many. I love mine. I don't have to use the most of the time. One in the car and then I had like 10 at home and I'm like, I love this one. I got a great one from Sprouts, which I love. It's got like a hard bottom. Yeah, it's fantastic. Yeah, we got it in La Jolla and it was very nice. I don't know if it's just because it was from La Jolla, but it is a very nice. Go dolphins. But I don't ever use it because I forget about, but this one's more, but like I also have a different Sprouts bag that I never use because I never remember to bring it. And then it's like, I go to the store and then I'm like, if I'm in the store, even if it's in the back of my car, I'm like, I'm not going back now. I have one last argument.

20:15I mean, I think you can't underestimate how lazy people are. You're right. You're absolutely right. Thank you. People are lazy. Yeah. But and have you considered, come on. That's a good point. Was that your other argument? It was. Okay. It continues to be. That's a pretty good argument. Isn't it weird now that I'm thinking about it? Even when you eat in, they give you a start from throwaway container. They have no way to like, they don't clean plates. They're bowls there. I haven't had Panda Express. Like I used to get it at the mall. I'm trying to remember, did they always give it to you in like a styrofoam thing? Well, especially at the mall because I don't want to clean anything. Well, yeah. It's the mall. That's what I mean, I haven't had it at a mall in 20 plus years. I don't think. I know where we're going.

21:16It does sound pretty good. It's the best. It sounds really good. Oh, speaking of the chemical he smells that orange chicken smell. It's like a good, I can smell bad. It's like a good. Yeah. I'd probably wake me up out of a coma. Yeah. It should also be embarrassing as hell. No one. Everyone he knows said that that came to his ear and said, I love you. That's the minute orange chicken shut up. He sprung up and ate it. His eyes were so close. Well, smell is like and he shouldn't stop himself from shouting. I can't fake it anymore. Where's my metal bowl? Also, like, what about to go boxes that don't utilize those three separate, the main compartment and two sides thing? Well, there's other versions. I know, but what if I have my panda express one that has that and then I want to go somewhere and get a sandwich that doesn't need the three. It needs the full full one single flat. You pay the deposit for a single

22:20flap sandwich box and then you return. So I just got like so many different kinds loose. New insult just drops. Should I use single flap sandwich box? Totally. Well, some people will like it and some people won't. It's just like Crocs. Crocs. As someone who hates Crocs, I agree with the assessment. We have friends that love Crocs. You know, the story behind Crocs. I don't. Well, I guess it's not in terms of their creation, but the movie idiocracy, they wear Crocs in that movie. Yeah, they do. And so the reason for that is the costume designer didn't have a huge budget. And so they wanted to find a shoe that looked stupid, but was like

23:20cheap enough to buy for like everyone in the cast. And Crocs were like, here we go. We'll give these to you real cheap. And then so they were like, great, look at this stupid shoe that we got. And Mike judge was like, great, that's the perfect stupid shoe. And then after the movie came out, like they became wildly popular. I think like during post production, like somehow they took off. And so it looked like this suddenly, this popular, like it just happened to coincide their popularity. Oh, wow. Increasing. So it was like, what a great like boon for them. Like it's they didn't need it. Really? Like I it wasn't because of the movie that they became popular. It was despite the movie. Who's it? Cause of nurses. I don't know. I mean, I suppose they're they're supposed to be comfortable. I've never worn them, but let me tell you something. After walking 30 miles of Disneyland, there's no shoe that's comfortable. What were you wearing? I started with these really nice like shoes. And then they got wet on one ride. And so I couldn't walk around them anymore.

24:26Yeah. It's the worst. And we I had to buy like Disney Crocs. There's only had. Oh yeah. I did. No, there's only had the rest was for like kids. And as much as I tried it, couldn't they get them on? Anyway, yeah. So I walked around in Disney Crocs. And but I was already in pain. So yeah, they didn't undo the pain. Sorry, Crocs. Come up with a shoe that can do that. It sounds like your job. Okay. Next week. Okay. The shoe that takes away pain. It's heavy. It can be used to hit someone in that. Did you just throw your other shoes away? No, I kept them in a bag. Oh, okay. They were really expensive. I was going to say that sounds crazy. But not crazy. I'm here saving the world. You have a first shoes away. Well, no, I didn't think you would. That's why I was like, what happened to those next step? Metal shoes. You just turn them in and get new ones. Well, what is the name for this invention? State of plate. State of plate? Yeah, or plate state? Plate state. Metal meal. Metal meal. Taste that waste. Taste the waste. No, no, not taste the waste.

25:42Taste. Oh, that's poopy. Yeah. I'm poopy. Call back, y'all. Episode one. Do it. Do it like a exciting alarm when this place at that part. You know, like in the store when you win something? Like a claxon sound. What is a claxon? It's a game show, Bill. Yeah, I knew that. Is that your word? Well, I know. Okay. Yeah, you like it. You love it. You hate it. I love it. I want more of it. Just imagine you'd leave your house where you just drink from your loose tubes. You got your metal plate clanking around in your purse. You're driving there and you're never going to fall asleep because you got the wake up idiot or whatever. Yeah, the sleep sleeper beeper. Yes, this are you get a little hungry taco teats. You open up your metal plate. Yeah. One of those can be water to rinse your plate. Our ecosystem is it's taken over.

26:48We're we're just inventing things. We're building a whole lifestyle. Is that an old relative? Don't worry about them anymore. They're on a trolley system in their home. Hang in there. They don't fall. That's what we should have called it. Hang in there. Hang in there. Do the clacks in again. Oh, you guys. Yeah. And then at night, you could tuck yourself in with your toes that poke out of your sheets knowing I'm doing right by the world. And on the weekend when you're out with your friends and they're talking quietly, fear not. You're all the color opens. You got your how do you speak at night? Yeah, I was scared to say because I messed it up every time. God, I love all our stuff. I'd say we are prolific. You're prolific. You think I would have thought of these if it wasn't for you? Yeah, I do. Actually, I know you would. Okay. All right. Well, that wraps up the invention of the

27:50week. All right. Oh, he scared me. You were scared by that. Yeah. You did a little jump scare. Scared me. Yeah. All right. Well, it's time for our next segment. Anastasia. I can't wait to meet my new family and all their money. I don't feel me. Great song. Oh, we got to watch that together. Okay. I should free him a wee. Francis, you want to explain this segment? Absolutely. During this segment in Estesia, or as sometimes pronounced in Estesia. On Estesia? Yeah. One of us has to convince the other actually we're a long-lost family member. That's it. So, Jenna, do you want to be convinced or do you

28:51want to convince? I would like to convince. Okay. This should be really easy because I am. Oh, well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Okay. Okay. All right. Let's begin. Oh. Oh, hi. I'm sorry. That's so weird. You were just humming a song. Okay. Who? I'm sorry. This is my garden. Why are you in it? No, no. I'm sorry. I was walking by. It's a sign. It says don't come in. I know. I know. But I was compelled because I don't know if you could see this. I have my own sign that I carry around with me that just says I can't read. Oh, yeah. It's okay. It says if it says don't, I'm gonna. It's a funny thing I like to say.

29:54Can you? I put it on a sign. If it says don't, I'm gonna. Yeah. So it said don't come in. So I'm gonna. I have to do it anyway. But then when I got in here, I heard you humming something and it's so funny. That's I remember hearing that same exact tune being hummed right before I was sent to the orphanage. Oh, yeah. It's a really popular song. Is it? I don't think it is. It's not 40 for a long time. No, no. I'm pretty sure it wasn't. Yeah. I'm pretty sure because I've only ever heard it one time and it was right before I got sent to an orphanage. Oh, okay. Well, that's really sad. But I actually bought the platinum. This song's been on popular radio. I got it on eBay because the executive went broke and he sold it. Got for a really good deal. So I just I don't mean to call you a liar. But anyway, you're here. You're holding a sign. You said the sign was funny. I got another sign. Oh,

30:56if you call me a liar, I'm gonna tell you the truth. That one. It's not this catch. That's not bad. It's not as catchy as the. Anyway, I'm gonna. No, no, I'm not telling anything. But I was gonna buy because I usually only buy from people who look nothing like me. Oh, I feel like we have. It's like getting yang over here. So Wait, are you saying we don't look anything wrong? Yeah. So if you were selling something, I would buy because I only buy from people who look like they could. I don't resemble me. I have a feeling. Do you have. Do you have a birthmark? A birthmark? Yeah, do you have a birthmark? Well, I don't know. I can't see my back. Never saw one on my front. I could have one on my back. I am guessing that you do. Do you want to look? I do. And at the same time, I want you to look at my back. And see what you see. At the same time? I once paid a man told a mirror behind me. So I know what my back looks like. Oh, I've seen my back.

32:02And I know what's there. All right. Here, let's come over to the mirror section of the garden. You have a mirror section and you never tried looking at your own back. It's for the plants. They like to look at themselves. Okay, hold on. You do a very vain plants. And see it. I got them from. No, no, sorry, I don't, sorry, plants. I don't mean to imply that. Thank you for apologizing directly to them, by the way. No, no, I could tell they, they looked. They were pissed. Well, no, no, I'm sorry. You have every reason to be vain, by the way. Here's my back. Carly Simon would write a song about you. Nothing? Nothing? No, something. What is it? Well, I could show you what it is. No, just tell me. Look, no, look at my back. All right, let me see. Do you see? See what's on my back? Oh, yeah. Patrick from SpongeBob. The same thing is on your back. Oh, well, yeah, I got a tattooed, silly. So did I. Okay. Well, you should be leaving soon.

33:06Wait, you also have a great sense of time? Well, yeah, I mean, I was born in a garden. You got no time. Wait, what? You were born in a garden. Yeah, big one with sunflowers that were tall in the house. The house. Yes. What did you say? Did you say what I just said? Tall in the house. Oh, yeah. And they were yellow. And they had a stem. Some call it stock. Well, this is crazy. Well, I'm sure it means nothing. I don't know. I, I, who do you, who are you? Well, I'm sorry. Let's back up. What is this? I just, I feel this connection to you. I feel drawn to you. I've been a relationship. No, no, no, no, no, not like that. Not like that. It's going on two weeks now. I'm not saying you're unattractive. I'm just saying. I see where this goes. No, I know. I appreciate that. No, the fortnight anniversary is is that's sacrosanct. I'm not going to try. And yeah, I mean, then again,

34:12life is short. Maybe? No, I think I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think that would be a good idea because it's too much chemistry. I agree. I felt that the minute I saw you. No, no, no. I see it's a person holding signs. Drip, drip, drip. Yeah, let's just say I don't have to want this section of the garden anytime soon. Can I just tell you other human beings would have found that absolutely disgusting. But I don't, I don't find it absolutely disgusting. And I think, I think I know why. Oh, okay. Do you hear that? Yeah. I mean, no, it's this, the serifims are singing. Are those plants? No, they're angels. Oh, oh, I was confused because I have a serifim

35:15variety of, isn't easy. Oh, oh, okay. Listen, I have a very strict schedule. So just get to it. You don't want to date. You're holding signs. You're not selling anything. Look, I think we might be separated at birth twins twins twins separated twins separated at birth. Why would you think that? Because of all the signs. And I'm talking about the metaphorical signs, not the literal ones that I'm holding. Ignore this, this one sign that I'm holding that says I'm an only child. That one was just a joke. I thought it was funny. Okay. Well, this would be easy to clear up. How old are you? Let's both say our age at the exact same time already. I'm going to start now. 42.1. Okay, a lot of people learn 42.1. Well, okay, but what sign are you?

36:22What sign am I? God, you are obsessed with signs. I'm sorry. I like them. Don't give me started on co-science and tangents. Oh, yeah. I'm just kidding. Pisces. Oh, we didn't get to say it at the same time, but I was going to say Pisces. Oh, no, I was going to say Pisces is what I was going to be with my mom. Yes, exactly. My mom was a Pisces too. She cared for a long time. Longer than she was supposed to. It's I stayed in so I couldn't be Pisces, but I was the next one. It's actually, yep, which I don't know exactly what it is. It's a cap or a cancer. Yep, so you're not at the same sign, because it's a cancer. No, no, no, it's a cap or cancer. Oh, okay. I bet you if you look, okay, I don't have time for this here. If you want to think you're my twin, then there's one thing we can do. Okay, we'll prick each other's fingers and we'll start to bleed. Okay, and we'll drip, drip, drip. Yep, and then

37:28we'll drink each other's finger blood, because we all know the taste of our own blood. Yes. Oh, of course. I'm going to pull out a little, see this, I have a flask of my own blood. Oh, and there's a sign on a flask, who could have guessed. All right. Bloody Mary's, anyone? Bloody Perry. Oh, you predicted this. Yeah, interesting. Okay, I'm ready. Okay, ready? Okay, here's my finger, give me yours. Wait, did I just suck in my own finger? Is it taste? No, no, I didn't, I don't think. It just tastes so much like, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Sorry, I had a head injury at birth. So did I. Did you? Yes. What was the name of your surgeon? They told me years later.

38:31Let's both say it at the same time. I'm starting to think you're using this as a crutch. Why can't you just say it on your own? Doctor, doctor, say it. Okay, how could you? Okay, that's interesting. How did you know that? I'm not, I didn't have to know. I'm not knowing things about you. I'm knowing things about me. Wow, almost no one knows of Dr. Rubio's sake. Say it, yes. Okay, so this is crazy. I feel a little weird for being attracted to you, but it's going away. No, no, it's, it's normal. It's good because it's back. Because we're twins. We're twins. And it's being attracted to yourself, really. Right. It's, I mean, be honest. Let's be honest. Yeah, we're hot. We're, I mean, junks. Smoke show. We won that lottery. Oh, yeah. And if we got together, I'm just saying, I'm saying, we will. I'm just saying if we did. And what you're saying is true, that's allowed. Is it twin? We're the same person. It's a legal loophole. It's called egg theory.

39:33Oh, yeah. Is it? Wow, that's crazy. Yeah. Wow. See, I didn't know this. Crazy country we live in. Yeah, just no babies. Yeah. Who wants some right? Yeah. Not me. We both don't want children. Oh, my God. Crazy. I always wanted to see if we had the same laugh. That was really funny. Check. We do have the same life. Do you want to come in? Can I pull out another sign? Yeah. I was wondering what that was doing back there. You could see it behind your head a little bit. Someone asked me to come in. I'm done. Well, I guess it turns out we really are related, Francis. How about that? Crazy. It changes nothing for me. I want you to know if you needed an organ. I would give it to you. I just don't think they would let me. I want you to know that I would never ask. If you asked, I wouldn't give it. I actually, I wanted to be a gift if you ever give me one.

40:35Surprise. I don't need it, but it's like, but you're just offering on your own. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Any of them, you pick. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Okay. Oh, no, no, no, no. Which one do I? I'll think about it. My pittix has not given me any problems. My neither. Okay. Wait, wait, we just swapped. Does anyone ever do that? Yeah, I'm sure. Okay. Good. I'm glad. Yeah. Well, that has been Anastasia. Oh, wow. I love my new family. I love how rich they are. I think we successfully proved that. Yeah. I mean, I've been lonely for a few years. I wanted to believe it. Um, and I don't know if you knew this. I had a lie detector going the whole time.

41:37And no deceptions noticed. It was all like a flat line. So that was all true. We're really related. So anyway, it's time for our next segment. The big question. The question is very big. Well, I hope you have a big question for me. I do. Good. My big question is, someone's given you something and you have to hide it. And it is the size of a herd of cattle. I've heard of them. No, not not. Have you heard of them of a herd of cattle? No, this is my question. Okay. All right. Sorry. Yeah. I'm so excited. I was jumping ahead. Yeah. We'll get to the cattle later.

42:38Okay. It's the size of, you know, those cute apples called rockets? No. They're like miniature apples. It's the size of that. Well, okay. What are those the size of the miniature apples? Yeah. How miniature are we talking? Half sized. Like a like a peach pit? Like are they bigger? They're bigger than a cherry. They're much bigger than that. Like a plum? It's, it's, it's 0.6 of an apple. Okay. All right. Anyway, you've got to hide it and it has to be a place that will never be found. Where would you hide this? Where would I hide something small? That's the big question. Well, I specifically said it was a rocket apple. Where would I hide? Oh, okay. You don't like this question? Well, it just seems like, so are people looking for it?

43:43Oh, yeah. But when you're hiding it, no one's looking. Okay. So there is, there's an active searcher. It's just one of those things that everyone knows about the apple and it never goes bad, by the way. So it's not going to rot in your hiding place. Everyone knows about it and wants to find it. You got to hide it from them. Okay. And okay. Well, the, the major issue here is, do you keep it on your person, which would be the first, I mean, if it's everyone's looking for it, you need to keep it safe. You want to keep it close. If it knows you had it at first. Okay. Well, if everyone knows that I had it and everyone knows that I, everyone's looking for it. Then I don't want it anymore, name me, actually.

44:52I need to find it. Well, do you, because now maybe it's so obvious that it's not obvious at all? No, I think I can go more random with it. I would hide it. I would find a town that is not often visited, but still has some buildings on a historical register. Buildings I know will not be torn down or just like gotten rid of because they're on a historical register. So let's say, okay. Can Tucket, Wisconsin, look it up. It's a real place. I always believe you. Yeah. Yeah. Can Tucket, Wisconsin. They have a weirdly, they're

46:03diner is in a building that used to be a jail from like 1840s time. And it's actually kind of a cute themed diner. And they have like little section like like jail cells are like they're decorated and different like in fun winky ways, right? And then they have in one of the cells they have a box like a shadow box that has that has the original keys to the jail cell like in the shadow box.

47:03Okay, hear me out. I definitely know where I'm going with this. And behind that shadow box, actually those keys don't work for anything in the building anymore, but behind the shadow box is like a weak part of the construction of the wall, right? There was the the Shawshank Redemption, you know, Andy DeFran in the Shawshank Redemption, and you like there was actually that was based on a real prisoner in Can Tucket with Johnson, who dug out part of the wall. So there's a weak part of the wall there, but Can Tucket didn't advertise it at all. They didn't want this because the guy got away. And so they tried to like patch it up at the time, but they were very rude and

48:06men tree with it. This was back at 1873. And, um, uh, are you Philip us trig? I'm getting there. No, this is all real and not made up at all. And, um, um, um, so 1873, uh, which that's, that was, was that also the year of the pun? Have we established that? That was the year of the year and all of the year and all. Yeah, yep, that's right. Um, so anyway, that just 1873 is a big year in America. Um, um, so they didn't properly fill it in. Not a lot of people know this. It's kind of like one of those like sub, like sub, sub, sub, sub stories about the lore of this town. What do you mean?

49:07The, like, it's not, it's not known that the behind the keys is the weeks, they, they used the shadow box to cover up the weak part in the jail cell because they were embarrassed by their history that someone got out. So they, uh, I filled it in with like kind of like loose clay at the time. There wasn't like the same kind of like, I don't want to say it out loud because I don't want it to be your thing. But that is such a funny, like insult. Anyway, they filled it in with the loose clay because they didn't have better materials. They didn't really know what they were doing just done. They didn't have the rebar and the cement that we have now. Um, so it's still loose to this day because it's a historical building. You're not allowed to do modifications on it. So what I would do, I would wait until the town of Kentucky Wisconsin goes to bed real early. It's a sleepy town. There are everyone's in bed by night. 946. I go over to the diner. I get rid of that loose clay,

50:18stick in a rocket apple, re-clay it up, which, by the way, is real easy, which is why they use that loose clay to begin with. Put the shadow box back. Bingo, bingo, bongo. Good luck finding that rocket apple. Wow. That's where I'd hide it. It would take a really long time. You'd basically have to be of the mindset to destroy everything to find that. Okay. I mean, I would never look there. Yeah. Thank you. Would go. Even the people of Kentucky wouldn't look there. They wouldn't think to. There are little sleepy towns never been on the map. Why would this big search for an apple come to their little town? It wouldn't, right? Of course, statistically speaking, you would think, like, why, I'd not go to the big apple, right? New York. That's where things go. No, y'all. That's where rockets are hidden. Yeah. So anyway, it'd be a real long time before that was ever found.

51:26Well, I'm not going to say that I feel like you held me hostage to that. I probably will say that. Yeah. By the time you've done explaining, I had no idea that I would ever go look for it. So it's right. It works on two levels. Well, it's crazy that you didn't find that captivating because I was definitely a real plan that I had thought of and wasn't making up the entire way. Is there a town called that? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Can't tuck it, I think. Can't tuck it. Yes. Yes. And your cantuckets were the best. Let's get your cantuckets back in Wisconsin. Where would you hide it? Me? Yeah, you. What I would do is I would take it with me,

52:32because as I'm allowed to have it, no one can look for it yet as we established. I get to hide it in the Nilek. So I'm going to fly to the Middle East. Oh, and I'm going to go to Egypt. Okay. And the reason I'm going to Egypt is because of the, what's what do they call them? The ten or the seven natural wonders, they have their pyramids. And I'm going to actually break into, you know that you can only go into some of those and not all of them. Did you know that? The natural wonders. No, the pyramids. Oh, the pyramids. Yeah, you can. I was surprised you could go into any of them. You can go into any of them. Oh, yeah, they open them up for like tours, I think, but not all of them. Some of them are like exclusively private. But, well, I wonder what's in those, I guess. Probably empty. Probably apples. Of a naked mummies. Yeah, maybe. Unwrapped mummies. Yeah. I don't know why I did that. That's not what I do with mummies. Anyway,

53:36here's what I'm thinking. Anywhere in the world people, you could find someone to take a bribe. Right? Yeah. So just because you're not allowed in there doesn't mean you're not, you can't get in there. Right. So I would go to a local. And if I had to, I'd make their life hard before I introduce myself. You know, this like casually like breaking their car or something like, you know, I mean, so they're like, ah, they're out of this money. And then to be like, I've got money. Give their grandmother cancer. That needs a lot of money to cure. Yeah. But I have the money to cure it. Yeah. Yeah. But I'll bring that up later. Yeah. Or maybe I'll forget. Who knows? Not a very nice guy. Yeah. But anyway, I'll be like, hey, there's something I need. There's something you need. I hate to ask this, but my cousin, Muriel, I wanted to go to this lot. There are the pyramids. And I want to gotta go in there. She died. And I'll, it'll be a real soft story. And eventually I'll be like, I have money. Please,

54:38be real. And they'll let me do it. Like for the money. Like, just to make it clear, I will make the bribe happen. Okay. And or he doesn't work on him. I'll find someone else. I like the idea of making somebody's life worse so that they are more susceptible to a bribe. Just in general, I'm fine filing that away for later. Well, yeah. Yeah. It's good, right? Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, he'll let me in. I'll be like, I'm just gonna go in and do a prayer and drop some Muriel's ashes. And he won't think that's disrespectful. And he will allow it. And I'll go in and I'll start scattering some sand I found in Egypt as ashes while screaming Muriel. And then when while I'm out of view when I go around the corner, I will hide it as a jewel. And I'll even bring another one. So they look like eyes. And I'll pop them into a non-offensive after the fact mummy. So it's not a real one that people are gonna be mad at me for saying this. You know, it's like they decorate it. So I'll put

55:39the rockets in. And then I'll come out crying. And I'll say thank you. And then I'll go home and I'll laugh and laugh. They won't notice that there's suddenly something new. No one goes in there. Someone goes in there. No. Do you think private areas, the areas that are private from the public just are no one gets to see them? No one ever goes inside of them? I bet you somebody lives in there. No, I'll put them under the shoulders of a mummy. Okay. No one checks under the shoulders. Because that would be weird. That's true. So we both made our decisions. Okay. And I didn't have to learn how to clay anything. Hey, they can't tuck it. Didn't know how to clay anything either. As you can see by the loose wall, firmament. Yeah. Joe and I, your passages can see.

56:47All right. Well, we've answered the big question. The big question. Only one final bit of business, Francis. Before we move on, I just want to say I had so much fun. Thank you. I enjoyed this as well. Is that? That's it, baby. That's it. Okay. Yep. Interruption. Stop. Shall I go first? Sure. This is a real doozy. You're an old. No. That was a legit callback. Diner. No. Sub. No. It's going to ask you about that. Sub, sub, sub, lower. What? Captivating. No. What's content? No. Compelled. No. Disceptions. Deco, I work. Yep. Yeah. This happened last week too. Shadowbox. No. Jail. No. Okay. I'm out. Fudge. Oh.

57:55No. God, I'm so happy that worked. I deliberately made that awkward. No, no, no. My deceptions was my decoy word. My actual word was cattle. And you said it. Twice. Son of a bitch. Wait, he said it twice. Twice. I only heard it once. Oh, they are so mad because it came out of nowhere. Francis. Dip shit fool. Was your word, dip shit? It was kidding. Damn. No. That's three. That's four. What is it? I don't even know. That's three points for me because you guessed my decoy. And then if you said my word twice, that's. Oh, God. I had to stop myself from smiling ear to ear when I heard you say cattle. Oh. Okay. Well, I'm going to fail

59:00here because I only have a few guesses for you. And if I'm right on any of them, but I'm screwed because I said these words a lot too, I think. Well, first real quick. It's not reposite. No. Okay. All right. It's not deposit. Is it? No. Okay. Because I said that a whole bunch. Oh, man, I wish it was. Man, I got screwed. Rocket? No. That's an actual type of apple. Yeah, it's a brand, I think. Never heard of it. It's in sprouts. They're little. And my only other guess hostage. That's my word. That's your word? Yeah. Ding. Oh, I even tried to Joe just thought I was doing the new. Yeah, because I saw you write it down. So I was like, she's got it. So I tried to repeat it as a plural, hoping that that's the one you would say. Oh,

1:00:00good. The only reason you included me. You have no other guesses that you want to say right now. Then might have the decoy variety. Wait a minute, though. Wait, Joe, don't I get some points for what happened through this episode? Wait, she said my decoy word like several times. Oh crap. You did? Well, I don't know what your decoy word was. No, you only get points when she guesses your decoy word. It doesn't matter if she says your decoy word. Have we established that? We have now. What's your what was your decoy word? Here it is. Oh, very good. Wow. So you saved both your words for the last segment. I guess I saved them for the writing between. Actually, you said it. You said pyramids in invention of the week too. Yeah, you said pyramids a lot. I'm just not realizing. I think we should revisit this system. No, the whole point of the decoy is that it's just like a fun little extra.

1:01:02Yeah. And it's a way to try and throw somebody off. That's right. It's in the system. Wow. What a fantastic day for me. It was pretty good. It was pretty good for you. Kind of say pretty good. Wow, wow, wow. Well, listeners, go to veryfindfriends.com if you want to check out our point totals. I actually, I had such a great day today. You might be beating me now. This might have closed the gap at least. Well, you were pretty firmly beating me. Thanks. I think we need to. The target show. I firmly beat Jenna. And let the record show Jenna enjoys it. Well, this has been a great week for you. I'm going to be dining out on this victory for a long time. I'm going to be hungry. Well, that wraps up our episode. Bye.