Naked Office Space

0:00What do you think is the most effective or impactful use of music in a movie? Like, and you're not just talking about scores like jaws. You're talking like a song. Yeah. I mean, that is, but yeah, like an outside song that just like hits you hard. Do you have one? I have an example that I think is always bad ass. In the movie Go, when Timothy Allefant is trying to see if she's wearing a wire and he's listening to Massive Attack, the song Angel by Massive Attack, and he like turns it up

1:00real out and it's just like, it's so cool. And Timothy Allefant looks so cool and he's just like, he just looks bad ass. He's got a shirt off. He's all ripped. I mean, it's just like, yeah, it's perfect. Yeah, because if she's wearing a wire, he doesn't want to have anything pick up on there. So he turns the music way up loud and he has her like, lift up her shirt and like show him. It's cool. Yeah. I think he's hot. He is hot. Yeah. He's absolutely right. Always has been. Always will be. I don't think I can have a single example that's coming to my mind of a song that was like the perfect song. Now that I think about it, I think that song, that Massive Attack song was also in the movie Snatch used a similar effect where it's when Brad Pitt is watching, he's watching his mom's trailer burn, I think, with his mom in it. I think it's, I think that's the song and I think that's the scene also very effective.

2:04So maybe it's just I really like that song, which I do. That's a really good song. Yeah. I thought that is that song Ain't No Mountain High enough? That's what it's called, right? Yeah. I mean, I always think of stepmom. I was going to say I was like, I know that in stepmom. You know, I think they just did a really good job. Yeah. Lacing it in. What was the song that I was singing right before? Let's give them something to talk about. Is that in a movie of some kind? It's got to be. Besides, isn't there a movie called something to talk about? Well, if they didn't use it in that one, they were fools. Damn fools. What about in 13 going on 30, they did love as a battlefield? That was good. Hmm. I don't think I've seen that actually. Does you have? Have I? Yeah, the Jennifer Granger movie. The Mark Ruffalo movie. Yeah. The Judy Greer movie. Yeah. I don't think I have. Oh. I, yeah, I'm not sure that I have.

3:06Maybe we're, when did that come out? 2007. Okay, that's a decent guess. Pause the pod. We'll watch it. And we're back. Wow. Yeah, right? What? 2004. Love is a battlefield. It was. Now I know. Yeah, we are young. Harding to heartache. We stand. No one can tear us apart. Yeah. It's a good. I was worried when she went to the bathroom and she missed that part, but you saw it. No, no, I saw it. I kept the door propped open and was like, thank you for eating my head. That's what that was. Yeah. Huh? I actually also thought of that moment and go and I also thought of in the Hudson Tucker proxy, the Sparta Kiss and Pichiro song. Oh, yeah. Also a great song. Really good song. But like it, what? Sorry. I'm talking about a song that I love, Francie.

4:06I know. I know. Go ahead. Thank you. Anyways, yeah, that's it. That's yeah. That's a really good one. But it's really, it hits the climax, like right, like when they're on the rooftop and the snow is falling, like right when they kiss. Yeah. It's like, it's really well timed while I did it. I don't know if you guys know about this. That there's this really obscure movie called D. Blue Sea and in it, a song called Good and Plenty. That's why you were laughing. Yeah. Wait, how is that? I'm going to go again. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Welcome to very fine friends. Where were movie buffs and music buffs? And we're just buff. Yeah.

5:07Ooh. Who are you kidding? Francis is flexing right now. He looks like Popeye. Yeah. A hot Popeye. Yeah. Popeye wasn't really hot. Right. Even with the muscles. Yeah. Because of the face probably. Yeah. Right. He had meth face before there was meth. His face is very important to the body. Listeners is raining outside. So if you hear any rain, sorry, that's blame God. God's fault. Why should today be any different? Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to just blame the rain on God. You can blame more things on him if you want listeners. Got a list. Yeah. I know. I'm sorry, Francis. It's all good. Somebody won Francis's jackpot. I know. What? Yeah. That's a crappy state. Don't think I have enough? I know. Geez. Louise. It was a one person. Yeah. That is.

6:08You know what we're going to do? We're going to kill him. How did we get the money? I wasn't even thinking about that. I just want to pure vengeance. Okay. But we'll figure out a way to get the money too. Okay. That will be a nice bonus. Yeah. That's. Sounds like a good big question, honestly. Just stay tuned. Yeah. Well, I am sorry about that. But I do believe bigger, better jackpots are in your future. Thank you. I think that $1 billion is you would have looked at that later and been like, that's nothing compared to what I did win. And I honestly think it's going to happen faster too because I think I'm going to somehow get the entire world or the entire country rather to be interested in lottery tickets faster so that the jackpot builds faster and it gets so that you don't have to wait for a really long time.

7:09I heard they might be opening one of them up to the UK. If some limey bastard wins your lottery. I've got to say the only thing worse than losing it's someone I don't know is losing it's someone to London. I know. I think you're already in London. You're already across the pond. What more do you need? Yeah. You know what I thought though? What if we did a smaller lottery where everyone, we get a million people to put in a dollar and one of those people for sure wins every time we do the drawing. Hmm. Maybe it's based on the serial number of the dollar that you put in. Maybe. That way. That way 100% someone wins. You pull that. It doesn't have to be picking numbers. It's your pulling from that pool of. Yeah. Yes. It's a good idea. It's real good. I like it. Let's make it happen.

8:09OK. No government getting any of the money either. No, we're doing this in Cayman Islands. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to say I'm going to just fuck off. Yeah, you can. Quick interruption. Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word. Without the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing. If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point. And right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words. And then a secret word is chrysan. Genesis, Deque word is bugling. Francis's secret word is Lloyd.

9:11Francis's Deque word is henchman. Back to the pod. Fuck off, Uncle Sam. Stay fucked. Get fucked and then stay fucked. Thank you very much. We're going to do something with that. Sure. Sure. On the front, get fucked on the back. Stay fucked. That's good. That is good. I want to make that. Okay. Go on the website. All right. Deal. We do have fans that have been clamoring for merch. We need to get some merch. We need to up our merch game. 100%. I'm on it. All right. We'll go to veryfindfriends.com. I'm sure the get fuck stay fucked. Shirted on there. And there are only $500,000 each. Yep. What do you... There's a restaurant or a restaurant's the loose term. But is it original hamburger works? Have you ever been there? It's kind of not. But they have their menu. It's like you order from the counter, whatever. And then their menu is just like cheeseburger, whatever. Like double cheeseburger. And then they have something called the retirement burger.

10:14Which is just a burger that's a million dollars. Oh, really? Yeah. And so of course the joke is like, I'll take two retirement burgers. Or whatever. And they cost a million dollars? Yeah, they cost a million dollars. So it's the retirement for the people that run the place. Basically. Oh, nice. Nice. I like that. So if they've changed the... For inflation, if they've changed... $1.3 million? Yeah. Yeah, it's probably more like 1.5 million. Stay competitive with inflation. Well, they sure did invent a funny thing to put on the menu. That reminds me. It's time for the invention of the week. Inventions. Inventions. Yeah, can you push through your anger? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. I don't want the pod to suffer. No, I am in a rage. Okay. Here it is.

11:16Great. The invention is, do you know how I invented something to keep old people from falling over in their homes? Yeah. There was a lever. It was like a police system. A police system in that they hook themselves to it. Toads. Yeah. Well, I realized that as much as we might want them to be, people aren't home all the time. What if they fall down while they're outside? Uh-oh. Yeah, goes to hip. Yeah. Well, not anymore. Okay. Not anymore. Because here it is. The invention is. Have you seen Fortes come?

12:16Yes. Remember when he was wearing those leg braces? Yes. I remember that that kid doing the little dance in the braces when Elvis was staying in that. Yes. Yes, that did happen. I know. I believe you've seen it. I'm glad that I passed the test. So my invention is, it's something similar to that, but it's under your clothes. Nope. It's not. It's over your clothes. Okay. No. I don't know yet. Okay. We'll talk it out. Yeah. Your phone knows when you drop your phone. It actually has like a directional thing in your phone, so it knows it was been dropped. I didn't know that actually. Oh, yeah. It knows. What does it do with that information? Um, it can detect a fall. Oh, oh, right, right, right. Yeah. There has definitely been times, um, I think there was one time a friend of art had a watch, he had a watch on, who was doing improv, and like did a thing where he fell to the stage and it like detected and there was like, we're going to call the ambulance if you don't,

13:20you don't stop it in the next few minutes. Um, yeah. Yeah. So that is real. Yes. So I'm thinking, when you go to, if you trip, we have a device in, in, in the, on your legs that throws out a kickstand in the direction you're falling. So it stops you from going all the way to the ground. So there's one on the side, one in the front and one in the back. So if you go to fall, it boom shoots out the kickstand and you catch your balance. How do you avoid getting like painful likes, like when you're falling on like a stand when that hurt your chest or your back or your side or whatever? Not more than falling. But here's what I was thinking. Instead of it being on your legs, I just changed it. It's actually a harness that you wear and it comes out of like your, your waist area.

14:23So it's a quick telescoping. It's like a, it's like a scorpion. You know, I'm like, it's like a penis. Yeah. But it stops fast. What if you accidentally fall on a lady? No comment. Anyway, by no pervert community, don't do this. It took longer than usual to get to perverts. So there's that piece. Just hold on to that. Okay. It also comes with a head piece. Okay. It's a hat that you wear. It looks like a normal hat. But if you fall into texit, it explodes an airbag around your head. Okay. Are not exploding airbags. I like don't tell you to actually do a lot of damage. Again, I know not worse than a car accident. No, no, no. But no, it doesn't explode the airbag into your head.

15:26It explodes the airbag around your head. So that by the time you hit something, you're good. You know? Imagine you're wearing a helmet. And the helmet is your hat. Okay, in this situation, you're wearing a helmet. The airbag is outside the helmet, not inside the helmet. You go to fall, the airbag hits your head. It's waiting to stop you from hitting something else. Okay. At this point, I'm comfortable having this be the whole invention. But how does that help your hip? I've moved on from that. I don't want to protect my head. Not the hip. The hip is the kickstand. Right? But if you keep falling, the kickstand malfunctions, for example, or you didn't put that on today, you still got the headbag. Okay. Yes, I'm going to write down headbag.

16:30Potential name. I'm going to be using the hip for the hips. You could just do the same thing, but with underwear. But if someone's wearing tight pants, it'll explode through their pants. It's the fall. Not about outcome. Maybe you want that. Purfs. Yeah, people want what they want. What about something like pool floaties? That you can get inside of? What about something like that where it's just really just a balloon around you at all times? What? I'm sorry, is that very confusing? What does that solve? It keeps you safe. If you fall, you don't hit a kickstand really hard.

17:31Okay. So you just wear one of those all the time? Yeah. I would. But you got to admit, the headpiece, that's really innovative. Okay. Well, so the technology in a phone, how the technology in a phone, it detects that it has fallen. It's not detecting while you are falling. I can see that. So do we have the proprietary technology that knows? And then also, what happens if you're just bending over to get something? Bending is a slow action. It will not trigger the emergency response. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it actually does know while it's falling because it's based on the speed of the motion. That's why you'd also be able to bend over. So I think it does work. Okay. Okay.

18:31Yeah. Good. All right. That's one hurdle crossed. Yeah. Okay. Hairbag. You like that better than headbag? Kind of. Okay. Writing it down. Any of their holes you like to poke in it? We can talk through. Are you thinking this is for everybody or just for old people? Anybody who wants it? People who are... Yes, it's true. They're fall. You probably get a discount with AARP if you're old. Yeah, your insurance might give you a discount. Yeah. You might get a discount or rebate on your health insurance if you use our product. Well, we do have any other names for it. Also, wait, wait. Before we... You can throw out names if you have them. But how... Is this like a bike helmet? Or is it sleeker than that?

19:32Sleeker. It looks like a hat. It looks like a hat. Okay. So that we could come in all the different kind of hat shapes. Oh, yeah. Like it could be a cowboy hat. Yeah. If we wanted. And basically, it just does... It does like... It's got a small airbag in the front. Two in the side, one in the back. But they're small. They're put away. And then... Good. I think most people, when they fall, don't fall head first, though. That's okay, but if you do, that's the one thing you need to have protected. So it's like, better to have it, not need it. Yeah, that's true. So you might... Third leg. I got one of those. Nice. Excellent. Yeah. But a bit of a delay on it. You had to find it on the... I was appreciating it. Let it sink in and air horn.

20:34Does this suck? No, it's my shit suck. No. I think you've just saved a lot of people's lives. Maybe that's what a name we could call it, the life saver. Don't sue us. Life saver candy. How about... Life saver. Mmm. You can't have everything. Illinois. How about... You're welcome, world. Yeah. Good. What about your life because of us? You owe us $1 billion. Name your baby after our pod. This is my daughter, VFF. Oh, she's beautiful. Her middle name, friends like us. Okay, great.

21:38I think... I like the idea that it's going to look like a hat. Yeah. So then is the waisting going to look like a belt? You know it. Yeah. How some belts. So you can... Something like that, maybe. Yeah. I don't have anything. I really thought I could do something. Behelt? Behelt? Mm-hmm. Like, be helped. Behelt. Like... I don't even know. I don't even know. You... You seem like you've lost the will to live. I got it. What? Air accessories. And then the tagline is where hats and belts are our nuts and bolts. I like the tagline. Really a lot. I know the name is kind of weak. Can you say it again? Air accessories.

22:38We're hats and belts are nuts and bolts. Yeah. I like it. That's what we should call it. It's a fully formed business plan. Yeah, it's good. That's all you need is a name and a tagline. That's our elevator pitch. Rangoon. Jammy, rangoon. Rangoon. Rangoon. Rangoon. Jodas. Rangoon. Well, I feel like the world owes you a huge favor. You just prevented all head injuries. Well, from now on. I could tell the world what I'd like to have. It's going to listen one day. I promise you it will. Yeah. In the meantime, we got these lucrative inventions. Yes. This keeps it going. Yeah. I don't forget our shirt. Oh, yeah. Get fuck, stay fucked. Illinois. Ooh. Yeah. One for every state. Great. Yep. Great. Well, I'm moving on to countries.

23:39Really pissed people off. Oh, yeah. London, where are you going? Get fuck, stay fucked, Bratislava. Is that a real country? It's a city. Still, the point stands. Point stands. You don't get to look down on the inventor of air sessories. Yeah. The inventor of the name air sessories. Just... And tagline. Well, I think this is going to be a huge success. Bless you. Yep. No, God bless you. Oh. All head injuries are here. Two, four. Absolute. Friends, save the world. Everyone else is happy now and they're alive now. Yay. No crack skulls. No crack skulls. Step on a crack, you break your mouth's back, but you will not get hurt.

24:40Mm. That's a... That's our jingle. It's a version. Yeah. Huh? Good job. And I think that wraps up the invention of the week. It's time for our next segment. You're adopted. We'll never love you as much as our real children. Is that the whole name? Yeah. Okay. Right on. Once you tell us about it. Uh, in this segment, one of us was adopted and we've now returned to our original family and we don't like them. Uh, yeah. And our new life sucks. All right. Let's roll this. Okay. So.

25:40Welcome to your new home, sweetie. Oh. This is weird. It's really more of a box car than a home. Well, we don't need much more than that. One day we'll end up in a box. I guess that's a fair point. Good point. Yeah. Go ahead and take your shoes off. Oh. Oh, your shoes off house. Weird shoes off house. Oh. Okay. Good. I'm going to take my shoes off. Yeah. Yeah, in the socks. Oh. Thank you. It's wrong with your toes. Yeah, we don't believe in health care. Uh, I was a balletist. Oh. Okay. For many years, it came down hard on that one, see? Oh, yeah, it was black. Yeah. Can you just crack it off? Oh. Oh. It came right off in my hand. Oh, gosh. I've been waiting for someone to do that. I just thought it was so gross I couldn't touch it. Welcome home. Uh, thank you. Thank you. I guess this is where I live now.

26:43Yep. And it is time to be shorn. But you're going to shave me? Your hair. No, I'd prefer to keep my hair. Thank you so much. Oh, I totally get that honey. The problem is we do breed, um, lice in this house? Wait, on purpose? Oh, we sell them. To whom? Who is buying? Who's buying lice? Lice shampoo companies. For what? For testing? No. We've lice would have been gone a long time ago if companies weren't deliberately putting them out. You're keeping them in business? How do you think we can afford this lux car? Okay. No, it's not. No, you went right down the middle, right away. Oh, no, no, I just got it. I can't even fit. This is not fixable. I can even make a cool like shaved a little on one side and then, and then long on the other. It's dead center. Oh, and the shaver just ran out of juice. Oh, god. I know I'm stuck like this.

27:43Oh, hey. You should have this real interesting shaved head that you did not get from your mother and I. We're perfectly round. Yeah, you are. You're like, it's peanuts character. You know what they say? No, no, no. Hey, hey, you seem like you're a little uncomfortable. I want you to be happy in your new house. Why don't you go ahead and come over here. Feed your mother and I. Wait. Like you want me to cook you something or? No, the food's ready. Oh, no, you just opened your mouth. Yeah. I had to spread it out. All right, here. Here, here's a fork full of salad. There you go. You're right. You're in, you can take the fork from me. No, no, I can't. We don't live that way. Just this why like before I came along, how did you eat?

28:47Well, you had a sister. Oh, my God. Can I meet her? You are about two weeks too late. No, what happened? That's the reason we went looking for you. You see, the light's killed her. You can die from that? Yeah, it's got super lights. They got out of the cage one night and they all worked together and just strangled her with a fish. Oh, my God. It's horrible to be like. Oh, my God. Kate. Kate. Oh, her name is Kate. No, why? Oh, because you were calling out Kate. You're talking about my dead sister. Yeah, yeah. No, I was just thinking of Kate Hudson. Hey, what do you want? I realize this has got to be totally overwhelming for you. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess maybe we could just maybe not talk for a while.

29:53Maybe we could watch TV or something or... You want to talk? What's wrong landing strip? Landing strip? Guys with a hair. Oh, good. A fun, mean nickname. We all have been this house. I'm loving father. This is beautiful mother. You're a landing strip. It's less disappointment. What was sister's nickname before? Kate. Oh, so she was named Kate. No, it was her nickname. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you're an annoying little pet ant then. Can we not talk about her? Yeah, that's fine. Fine. But what are you pouring water on me? What are you doing? Are you trying to christen me? Are you baptizing me right now? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

30:54Stop, please. No, thank you. No, thank you. No, thank you. We all want to end up together. No, I was baptized already. I don't need to be re-baptized. New old daughter. I like that better than landing strip. Hi, I'm your mother. I've been here this whole time. But I haven't wanted to talk to you until just now. Now that you've been christened. You perfectly blended in with the wallpaper. Yeah. That was crazy. You didn't bat an eye when your father kept saying your mother and I over and over again. Well, I figured you were a person that existed. But not one that was in the room with me. Oh, no, I've been here this whole time. I just refuse to talk to you. You even have your face painted the same as the wallpaper. I do. Oh my god, it's on your eyelids too. My eyes have been closed this whole time. Just listening. Oh, God. That's so creepy. We need your kidney. Yeah. No. He needs one of your kidneys. I need the other one. Okay, you'll make more.

31:54Yeah. No, no, no, that's not how the word deliver regenerates. Not the kidneys. The liver can make a kidney. That's just science. Yeah. Well, then why isn't yours making you one? Hmm. We're too old. She got me. No, we're too old. Oh, it's age-related. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we're too old. No, no, go back to that whispering she got me. She's like the ghost. I was trying. Okay. It's age-related. I'm old. So old. Okay. I feel like I have to try and make this work. You are my biological parents. And we love. Yeah. Being biologically related to you. Yeah. Took a long time. We're going to take you out tonight. Okay. Yeah. All right. That sounds good. We've been saving it for a fun night out. A change of venue. That's a good idea. Yeah. Let's get out of this box car.

32:54Yeah. It's this cute little place in your bag called the Chop Shop. Oh. You ever heard of it? Oh, no, but it sounds nice. Do they do like salads or... They end up with things. Like what? It's got to be a lot of things. I have to get out of this box. Yeah. Salads. Yeah. Oh, okay. And assorted meats. All right. That sounds good. Okay. Okay. Oh, look. Ooh. Yeah. I know. It smells. Yeah. No, this is a full on meat distributor. Yeah. It looks like that with the steel plating on the outside, doesn't it? And on the inside with the giant... Giant cuts of beef. That's a whole cow. It's a theme. Oh, I didn't realize that you grew up with a family that didn't teach you to appreciate a cow.

33:56No, I mean, I like cows. I like cows as much as the next person. I just... You don't like a cow themed restaurant? Well, it's... I... This is crazy. I mean, this cow is still standing like a real cow. So fully intact like a real cow. But it has none of the skin on it. It's just the inside of a cow. It's fully intact cow. They just skinned a cow. And it's just here. It's lean meat now. It's... And it's behind a... It's behind a hostess stand too, like it's greeting us. Oh no, what is it Harold? I just thought you'd be happy. Oh, look what you've done to your new father. That's one of the lovers. Oh, he loves you so damn much. You know that? Does he? Yeah. It's impacted our marriage in the short two hours that you've been with us. Why? Let me ask you a question. Why did you give me up and then why did you want me back?

35:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm back. You should be back, babe. Babe. Mm-hmm. We gave you up because of a court order. What? Okay, elaborate, please. What did you do that the court took me away from you? We let the Lice live on you. Oh my God. Good to see you as a Lice farm. We were training them. Yeah. It's just you such a luscious hair. We could fit so many. You loved it. I know you seem disgusted now, but you loved it. You loved the Lice. You called yourself the... The Lice... Lice is girl in town. Yeah, you had little names for all of them too. I mean, how old was I when this happened? I have no memory of any of this. I'm not a guy.

36:05You're focusing on the wrong thing. No, I want to know. Is this something that... It wasn't age-related. Have I ever pressed something terrible? How... I... He probably just repressed it because you weren't as happy with your new family. You were trying to cope. I loved my new family. My first memory is of going to Disney Land. I came online at Disneyland. It was magical. It was a new truth about them. Yeah. What? We contracted with that family. What? We needed a way to get Lice into Disneyland. We were too hot. The cops were all over us. It turns out that it was Lice. Yeah. So, we had to give you up, wink. And the family that took you, took you right to Disneyland. Yeah. And we kind of tricked the court into getting that court order to make us give you up

37:06by just being really terrible parents for a little while. Oh, so that... It was a long con. The court order actually did happen that wasn't a lie that you made up to come up to. No, that was real. We just didn't give you the context for it. Now you know. Now you're old enough to understand. Wow. It seems like it would have been easier to not have that court order at all. No. But you guys... It was integral. Yep. Whoa. Anyway, your... Your mother? Your... Lice henchmen. Your father? Another one. Yeah. On our behalf. Yeah. And you made me complicit. But you didn't know. You had to not know. Yeah. You are a Lice fuel. You... Okay. You have to realize this is...

38:08How boggling this is for me. This is like blowing my mind right now. I remember reading about... That... The outbreak... At Disneyland. The year was 1993, right? Yeah. There were all those candlelight vigils across the nation. They... Disneyland almost didn't recover because of that. And I was part of that. You were the catalyst. You were a patient's hero, babe. I... I have to learn all this in front of us... ...fully intact skin cow at a host's stand. Don't they get this all the time? Yeah. This is an emotional place. A lot of breakups here. You'd be surprised. And here's the worst part of all. Wh... Here's the worst... When you cry, I cry. Oh! This is a... I just love my dark. The worst part of all is that we tried so hard to get you back.

39:08Yeah. But your new family had fallen in love with you. And we couldn't get you back. We... We threatened them with legal action. But they lowered up and ticked us right out. And also it didn't help that we had that whole... ...core order thing from before. Well, yeah, see you've came in handy, babe. Well... Well, no, it reflected poorly on us and made it more difficult to get her back. But came in handy for them. Yeah, came in handy for them. So you're welcome in a way. But then we finally got the courts to... ...to give you back. Yeah. Which I didn't even know was possible as a... March 27-year-old. We marched right down to those courts and we said, we want her back. And they gave me back to you. I didn't really have a choice. Ugh... Can we... ...just... I... I want to... I'm stuck with you now. I want to make this work.

40:08Can we just agree that any... ...head bug-related... ...business activities can be... ...stopped. Can you cease and desist with those, please? Try and go clean. You can join my company. I'll hire you. I... ...I agree that we will cease and desist. Any and all... ...head bug activities. Thank you. Now go to bed... ...and in the morning... ...you're still at the chop shop. No, we sleep here. What? Yeah, we've got a time share in this place. We don't own the box car. Oh, you didn't... Oh. Yeah, in the morning... ...we have a diverse portfolio. Despite being poor. Yeah. In the morning... ...everything will be different. Yeah. Oh, go ahead. There's a... ...there's a pillow next to a side of beef.

41:09Is that what you use as your mattress? That one's all you, Lennon Strip. Ah! Go to the morning. Wake up. Ah, Andy. It's gonna go away, go. Oh, god, I'm covered in blood. Andy... Guess what else you're covered in? What? Crabbs. Ah! It's called a loophole. No, not those kind. Oh, good. Oh, what? You said head box. Yeah. These are body crustaceans. Yeah. Why would you do that? Because this is the family business. So that's the one area you don't shave? Well, funny you should mention that, babe. It's really funny. There's no choice. But... ...gah! Now we're all landing strips. Oh, god. I'm sorry, I don't think I can make this work. I don't think I can do this.

42:10No. Okay. You gave it a try. Can I get a court order from you? I'll just let you go. You're free. Oh. I'm your father. I'm not a monster. Oh. Oh, well. Except when he doesn't have his coffee in the morning. In the babe. Oh. Sorry, Harold. Yeah. Well, if you're in the end, I have to respect it. No, I feel bad. What? What? What did you say? What was that noise? No, no, you were speaking. I said if you... I feel bad now. Oh. No. Because you... I mean... I thought you'd be... I thought you were a monster. Quite frankly, after one night with you guys, I thought... Oh. No. You were monsters. No, we just lived differently. Yeah. Wait, so were you landing on the whole leaving or staying thing? Were my landing stripping? It sounds like she's a boy. She's a boy. Oh, Harold. Oh.

43:10Oh. Oh, Harold put your gun away. What? You came pretty close. Yeah. Every day is a gift from now on landing stripping. Every day is a gift from Harold. Oh. I'm gonna go. Oh. Oh. I'm sorry. Did you mind again? Did you mind again? No, I never changed it back. I just made a joke. I thought I'd... I thought I'd soften my leaving with a joke. Harold... Harold, pull your gun out again. I have a better idea. Lice attack. Ah! Ah! You're everywhere! Except for one place. Wow, that poor girl. Do you think your life sucked enough? It seemed pretty terrible. Hmm. This is why people run away. Yeah. That's what I was going to do. Till. We had bugs kill you?

44:10Yeah. Told you they could be trained. And now I know. I like that there's a cage for them. These tiny, tiny little things. I like to see the cage that can hold them. Do you need a cage that are trained? But you said they escaped their cage. Well, I'm not trying to poke holes in the adoption. Sorry. Hey, that's cool. Hmm. Uh, well. Isn't it a craze that minds people of their life every day? It was millions of people live that exact life every day. It was really your typical American family that we were shining a light on. Crazy. Mm-hmm. All the time I picture you with that hairstyle now? Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. That would be funny. Yeah. For just a minute, then I'd be like, oh, was she was back? Yeah, me too. That's the problem with shaving your head. It takes too long to come back. It's a, if you don't like it, it's a huge mistake.

45:12I would know. I told you I shaved my head once, mate. I even loved it in shaving. Yeah. That's right, because you saw somebody else that looked good and you're like, yeah, you look really good. I'm going to do that too. Yeah. And I was Uncle Fester. It's really bad. Well, you look great with hair. Thanks. It suits you. Thanks. I need it. Yeah. Don't, don't ever do that again. Oh, I won't. Good. It's really how much scalp I had. Hair was gone. I know that sounds ridiculous. Same amount as the size of your head. But, yeah. Yeah. Hair does have a minimizing effect. It does. Yeah. It do. Well, that wraps up. You're adopted. Right. It's time for our final segment. The big question. The question is very big. Oh, you want it? Oh, I got to have it.

46:15Okay. Here's my big question. You need to... So, let's say you work with a lot of people, okay? Okay. You need to convince everyone you work with to show up to work nude on Monday. Okay? So, you need to come over the plan that convinces everyone to do this. Okay. And yes, this is what I was going to ask last week. Okay. All right. Good. I'm glad you remembered it. Glad you saved it all week. You saved it. It was not letting go of this pearl. Okay. I have kind of an easy way to do it, but I want to come up with a more... Yes. Guns out. I want to come up with a more... Okay, but I love to know the easy way.

47:15The easy way would be to say that the company is... They're having some kind of promotion, not really raffled, but like... They're doing some kind of incentive program. If everybody shows up naked to work, everybody gets a million dollars. But if there's one person that shows up in clothing, nobody gets it. So, everyone has to do it. Otherwise, no one gets a million dollars. So, it's a free million dollars just for showing up naked. I mean, you do it, right? No. I probably wouldn't either. But that seems like the easiest way to do it, right? For the record, if any companies are out there, I would do it without the one million dollars. Yeah. Joe's naked right now. We asked him not to be. Okay, but what's your... Let's see the cray plan. Because of the Christmas fungary.

48:20Okay. I would wait until it was the company Christmas party. That's where I wanted everyone to show up naked to the company Christmas party, right? I would find out who everybody that I work with, who their secret office crush is. And individually, I'd go around to each person. And I'd say, oh, my God, Barbara, you'll never believe this. I was talking to Donald, your secret crush. And she'd be like, how did you know that? I'd be like, I'm just tapped in. I have a sense about these things. And she would be like, well, okay, all right. But don't tell anyone. I was like, of course, I would never tell anyone. But Donald was just saying that he has this fantasy of being at a Christmas party.

49:22And in walks the naked, the beautiful naked woman. And he'd know that she was the one because she'd be fully naked and be fully confident walking in. Oh, and so then Barbara would be like, what? And be like, I think you should do it. The party is tonight. I think that like, this is your chance to get with Donald. He told me that this was a secret. And I'd say I'd go around to everybody at the, in the office. I'd do that if there were ever, or if there was somebody that like didn't have a secret office crush, I could have a be the opposite of like, oh, did you know, like, Byron? Byron in the mail room. Did you know he's secretly in love with you? And they'd be like, eh, Byron, gross. Byron is like, yeah, he's like obsessed with you. And I think that there's like one way.

50:23There's like only one thing that I know that Byron doesn't like. And that's fully naked. I Christmas parties. I'm specifically at Christmas parties. And then I'd be like, otherwise he's super aggressive. Right. If you're, you're even wearing a stitch of clothing, it drives him wild. He likes the mystery. I don't know. Byron's a freak like that, but we can't fire him because he does his job well. I'm sorry. He has a kid fires a one for not liking me. People. I wish I could. My hands were tied. It's an HR thing. And then that, so that would be like another way. Then there'd also be like Jasmine, the receptionist who is just, she's just looking for a reason. To get naked. So she would be easy enough to convince.

51:23I would just, I'd tell her we're going to pregame with some agnog before. And then be like, get her drunk and then just be like, oh my god, Jasmine, you want to hear the funniest thing? You should totally do this. It would be that it would be a legendary prank. Everyone in the office would love it. And she would think, like, finally a chance for me to like, even wear more, what's more revealing than this, like, tube dress that I was planning on wearing? How about nothing? Yeah. Wearing nothing at all. Give me a different kind of office employee and I'll tell you how I could get him to be naked. Someone that doesn't fall into it. How about Peter, who was famously monogamous to his dead wife? Okay. I would tell him that I was able to channel. Like, I have actually a medium.

52:23I could channel the dead. But clothing gets in the way. And so I can't feel the presence of the person that he loves unless he's fully naked. And I would come to this party tonight. I have to do it in a festive environment because the spirits like to come to parties. They don't like that depressing downer moods because they're in the afterlife now. They're having fun. Spirits are all about vibes. Yeah, they are. I mean, why would they spend any of their afterlife in a boring or a Debbie Downer situation? They wouldn't. So what about two penis Douglas? I don't think he's going to take much convincing. Well, he's shy. Most people aren't ready for that. I would tell him. I would tell him that.

53:26Here's his secret Santa is actually. As a secret Santa is actually forehand Catherine. She really go to town on both pieces at the same time. But she doesn't know. She doesn't need four hands. No, I'm saying she gives. Each penis a lot of attention to hands. And also she has this dream where the man of her dreams will walk into a Christmas office party naked with his two penis. Yep. Yep. And he'd be like Catherine really? What about double vagina Sydney and Victoria about her? She's a pro. Leave her alone.

54:26Yeah. Okay, that's good. Any any other? What about Carl who's close? We're burned into him this skin. How does he do it? Oh, house fire Carl? Yeah. I tell him I'm his secret Santa and I got him a skin graft for Christmas. And night, but he needs to show it off to everybody. So I'll make sure he has to be done publicly. It's got to be done publicly. I'm saying it's like a really expensive procedure. And I go to discount for doing it. The best skin grafts happen to applause. Yeah. It's like a tinkerbell right in Peter Pan. It's like your claptor your claptor. You're clapping. Your claptor.

55:26What about Stefan who has three kids that work in the office? Stefan's easy. He's one of those parents that would free ball at home. He was not embarrassed in front of his kids. Oh, so this is nothing new. And the kids are actually like, oh my God, put clothes on for once. But then in order to the kids to get them naked, I tell them that this is actually the perfect way to shame their dad. That you really want to start wearing clothes again. You show up naked, turn the tables on him. See how he feels. Oh, that's good. So then they're on board with being naked too. And then he doesn't care. So I have to ask. What about shittin' Diane? I... Give her... The cork.

56:27Does that count as clothing? Yes, we need to bear all. I give her a special office chair. Where the seat is actually a toilet also. So I was like, look, you can be just like everybody else. And no one will know. And then she'll be like, yeah, but if I pull my pants down, then they're going to know that I'm shitting. And then I'll be like, not if you're naked, then you don't have to pull anything down. Then you're just sitting on your special chair. And I won't tell anyone it's a special chair. You're just sitting there and everyone's like, oh, she's naked. She's sitting on a regular chair. I'll light a crap candle in the corner. So no one will know where it's coming from. Yeah, a better idea is just... I give shittin' Diane a whole bunch of soluble fiber. And then it'll just make her constipated basically. But then I still got to get her naked. Yeah, but only for a day. But Diane also has tried fiber.

57:28This shittin' thing is a real deal for her. No, you can get it in the powder form. You can like... No, I mean, shittin' like a dog. She's tried it. It doesn't work on her. That's why I had to come up with the toilet chair. So she has an nickname. Yeah. But I mean, she wishes that worked. Believe me, Diane wishes fiber worked. Oh, man. Yeah, totally. So, that's how I do it. It's pretty good. Thanks. Pretty good. Stefan is already down for this. But damn it, if Diane hasn't tried soluble fiber already. How would you do it? Well, my idea was remarkably close to your first day about what a little twist. Oh, okay. I would plant seeds in the internet of someone who buys companies and sells them and gives all the profit to all the employees. Blitz between everyone. But only at companies where people are nude.

58:30Because it shows them that you're not afraid. You're not ashamed and you're ready to work. You had nothing to hide. Yeah, nothing to hide. This sounds like a business that you would actually have if you had the money. So what I would do is start doing like threads online. You know, I would be like, this happened to my company. I can't believe it. I was so scared, but I should have naked. And now I've got $5 million. And people come and be like, oh my God, the same thing happened to my cousin. He should have naked and got to, and then someone would be like, oh my God, I'm going to believe this. My aunt was too embarrassed to do it. She was the only one that didn't show up and guess what? No one got anything. They refused to buy the company. So I would tell people, oh my God, look at this particular story. I just read it. Now it would go around. I was like, this is so funny. This is so stupid. Enter the buyer. Hired by me. Shows up. I really like it around here.

59:30This is a great company. I'd love to buy it. I'd love to buy it and split the proceeds of everyone that works here. Oh, I got this weird thing. Yeah, I'll get this weird thing I do. No, I can't talk about it. No, talk about it. No, I can't talk about it. It's too naked. What? When she looks to see. Is there any recognition? It's too...nude of an idea. She looks around. Yeah. And then I go, does this have anything to do with this weird story I've been reading? And she goes, let me see that. She goes, I can either confirm or deny. But, yes. I gotta go. I'll be back on Monday. She leaves and I'm like, you guys are with the fuck. Is this true or you'd be happy? I wish we could talk to the owner of the company about this, but he's at my kitchen right now.

1:00:30What do we do? This place is worth 10 million bucks. What the fuck? There's only 10 of us here. That's a mill of peace. Good math. Yeah. And I'm like, you guys, I'm as ashamed as the next person. But there's a chance. If there's one sliver, one I don't have an opportunity, then this could be real. We gotta do it, right? And everyone's like, I mean a million bucks? Like, yeah. And one of us dies before Monday. It's even more. I don't know why I sat that with you. There's the most start to look at you kind of suspicious. Yeah. Let me just say this. I'll be the first one to do it. In my effect, I'll strip down right now so you know, as long as you're okay with it.

1:01:32I just want you to know I'm down to do that. I'm down. And I get naked. I'm like, oh, god. Well, here I am. This is me. And then you make a pact like we're no one's going to make fun of anybody else. Yeah. Don't make me hear make fun. No, we're gonna make fun of a rich. Okay. Right now. We're poor and ugly. Anyway, this is me. I do a spin. And you go, yeah, I bet over. Like, look. And then I wink. It's not with my eyes. And everyone laughs because that was funny. So Monday rolls around. And what they don't know is that I had an outfit made that looks like I'm naked, but it's clothes. And then I show up in my nude fake outfit and everyone else is naked. Wait, were you also wearing that? I'm wearing my fake outfit. But were you wearing it? No, I was naked the other day. So why are you wearing your fake one right now?

1:02:32So they don't get the money? Oh. I'm in good boots with a buyer. I was just real. I was about to say, no, Francis, nothing. I'm not gonna get the millions. And I was like, wait, no, this is a fake charity. Oh, yeah. It's a fake. I did forget it was fake. I also forgot it was fake. I betrayed everyone for nothing. But now I got this cool outfit. And they're all fired. People leave what they did. Yeah, crazy. Oh, that would work. Toads. I think we both have solid plans. Totally. Unlike Diane's. Poops. So I'm of them are solid. I guess we didn't establish that. Yeah, she just can't stop. I don't know what's worse. The super solid and never can stop.

1:03:33That's crazy. That's not like a piping bag. That's like a fro you. So gross. I'm sorry. Oh, no. Hey, this is a real problem. Yeah. Yeah, tell Diane about it. She knows. All right. Well, I think we've answered the big question. The big question. One final bit of business, Francis. I did not write a lot down. I wrote a lot down. I did piss poor. And I apologize. You forgive me? I forgive you. I'll go first since I got basically nothing. Okay. Is it floaties? No. Is it cease? Nope. Desist. Nope. Mailroom. Nope. Jasmine. No.

1:04:34Aignock. Nope. Is your decoy word boggling? Yes. Yes. I can't believe you guessed it. I was so hoping you were going to guess it as my real word. Oh, wow. How did you guess it as my decoy? I don't know. I said it just the once. I said it in a way that I was trying to slip it in. Make it seem like the real word. I haven't got lucky, I guess. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. So what was your word? That's your last guess. Yeah. My word is christen. Nice. Yeah. Francis just did the slightest nose exhale and nod. It was very... Yeah. Well, I was trying to remember. I said it. I said it up, or if... No, I did. I just started like, are you pouring water on me?

1:05:35Oh, are you trying to christen me? Are you baptizing me? Oh, that's right. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Well, nicely done. Thanks. Well, not nicely enough with the boggling. Dang. I can't believe you pivoted to decoy on that one. Good for you. Thanks. All right. Janus Tern. JST. I'm worried if some of my guesses are it, I'm dead. It's your word, lice. No. Okay. I think I said it like once or twice and... And then I was like, I can't say it anymore. One two two two three. Is it... It's not naked, is it? No. Or nude? No. Okay. Good. Thank God. Airbag? No. Helmet? No. Innovative? No.

1:06:36Belayist? No. Shorn? No. I love that guess. Pajmina? No. And that was the first one I saw you write down. Kidney? No. Integral? No. Henschman? D-Coy. Damn it. Oh. Oh, I shouldn't have known because you called him a Henschman too. Dang it. All right. Well, I have... No. He said... She's a lice Henschman. And I also... No. You said Henschman twice. No, I don't think I did. No, he said it once. I could have sworn you said it twice. No, it was only once. I almost did. I was about to. I know. But then that would have seemed too decoy-y. I know. I have a few other guesses. I'm a lice engine. Catalyst? No. Skewp? No. Threads? No. That's it.

1:07:36That's all I got. My word was lawyer. Lawyered? I don't even remember when he said that. I said that the other family lawyered up. Oh, yeah. Wow. Damn it. Oh. Plus two for you. I can't believe I guessed your decoy. I'm just, ugh. I saw you write it down and I was like, yes. He's going to guess it. Oh, and then you're like, I thought it was going to be boggling. My decoy was boggling. Didn't I say that? Yeah, you did. You said it. That's what you got. Oh. Fuck. Yeah, you got a point. Wait, you guessed my decoy word. Yeah. Yeah. What was your word? Kristen. That fucking knew that. Yeah. It's going on with me. This is crazy. The two points went straight to your head. I guess. Push my brain right out. Oh, you're in the lead still.

1:08:37Good job. Wow. You guys. Oh. I guess I'll have to try harder next week. You'll get there. Thanks. Till then. Bye. Bye. Bye.