you're already enough [pt 1] (w/ baylee grover)

0:00Hello, you guys. Okay, so real fast just before jumping into this episode I just wanted to come on and give a quick little trigger warning because we do talk about some pretty heavy topics in this week's episode such as suicidal ideation and eating disorders. So these are sensitive topics for you in any way I just advise you to just listen with discretion. It really is such a good conversation that really brings a lot more awareness to these more sensitive topics that really aren't talked about enough so hopefully if you are struggling with any of these things this can make you feel a little bit less alone in some way. I love you guys so much and I hope you enjoy the episode. Let's get into it. Hello you guys and welcome back to The It's Cringe But It's True podcast. I'm your host, Ellie Oliver and Bailey. Welcome to the pod. Thanks so much. Guys, Bailey has a huge platform where she posts all about like mental health, dating, confidence, self-love. A lot of similar things to what I talk about so I'm so stoked to have her on you guys. I'm so excited to be here. You're literally

1:00the best. We've already been chatting for like an hour and it's been amazing but no seriously like I have been following her for a while now. It is such a freaking honor to have you in my chair. I've been so excited to get you on. She literally I watch all of her videos on TikTok literally every single video like when I open my for you page it's literally been you for the past like month and I'm like, I love you. So it is such an honor to have you on. Okay so first how did you first start getting into like posting on social media? So I went through a lot like like roughly two years ago like I went through a breakup and it kind of was like a coping mechanism for a long time. It was really helpful because I feel like it built a community with other girls and it just kind of made me feel as crazy for the situation I was in and like I was able to decompress my thoughts. I also really oddly love poetry and it's like I would post something like my poems on there like I would eat it up and like I don't know it just gave me a sense of like

2:02creativity in a way that would like also help me cope and I don't know I wasn't trying to like really get into social media like this but yeah that's kind of how I first started and yeah it's been awesome like it grew into something bigger and I love what I do so. So like you said earlier before you were recording you said that like you started just posting kind of like relatable content. Do you feel like after you went through something really hard as when you kind of pivoted to do more like mental health based content? Um well I started a series um I don't know if my followers are gonna watch this but I'm a father I'm a number one fifth but um I started a series that I would say like clocking you for a minute straight on the man that you were obsessed with and it was essentially me just giving girls every reason to move on from a guy that treated them like garbage um so that's kind of how I like grew initially and then I started pivoting more into like mental health because I just do not think that it's talked about enough like at all and

3:07honestly like my I'm sorry my personality trait is not men like yeah I love helping women move on from men but that's not what I'm all about like I I love that part but I like who I am is like my emotions and my thoughts and my feelings and like a lot of that has contributed to mental health problems that I've had and so pivoting into that has been honestly amazing and I've like just grown a community of people that like need it they need to hear it they need to feel seen and like people are just afraid to talk about it and I have decided I'm gonna be the person that's not yeah that's what I love about your content Bailey too is like you say stuff that everyone else is scared to say but everyone relates to in some way like I remember one of the first time I saw one of your videos I was like oh my gosh and I like got chills and I was like wow like and the impact that you've already had on so many people's lives including mine is like so so incredible and I love watching you and everything you're doing and we'll get into that and it will

4:08change everyone else's life that's listening like your story and how you've become so resilient and like turned it into such a positive thing so just kind of going back to like when your mental health struggles started or when was like a first time in your life where you were going through kind of rough time honestly I've been struggling with mental health since I can freaking remember like I I moved around a lot in my earlier years of life um but that didn't really have much to do with it I never really had like a hard time making friends or like friends or never the issue um I think it's more of like social media honestly like I had social media at a younger age and I honestly do kind of regret having it so young it exposed me to a lot but also I think being exposed to a lot helped me develop in a way that like I'm more aware and like I grew up kind of quick in a way um but I just honestly struggled so much with just high school high school was so hard

5:16for me like middle school was okay middle school honestly was like you're we're also immature at that age and like we just like don't know better we don't know better and I I did struggle with friends in middle school I really struggled with friends in middle school I felt like so excluded and like very clicky girls in middle school are especially very clicky like I nannyed for a while and like I've seen it in like the girls I'd babysit like they would come home and they'd be like I'm sad because the girls left me out it's like girls are so clicky and I really saw that a lot in middle school and that's when I realized how much friendships matter as well and then I moved eventually to San Coleni which is where I'm based now in California it's amazing um but I always like I had always struggled really deeply COVID was really really really hard for me I really like I'm kind of an extrovert I think I've kind of shifted into like a more introverted side where like

6:19need alone time but that kind of I'm sure won't get into that like it I grew into independence a lot I'm very independent now but I used to really depend on people and I think that that was a really big factor of my decline of my mental health because at first I really dependent on like just being around other people and then when COVID hit there was no one to really see and no one to talk to and that was also the awakening of my eating disorder so I think my eating disorder was when everything unfolded okay so that was like the first I would say because um during COVID so I was always very active you know growing up I I always did soccer and then COVID hit wasn't doing soccer anymore but I would still eat the same like I was young I had a I had a young girl metabolism I was you know I was thin all the time and I was doing soccer and I just ate whatever I wanted and then after COVID hit you know I'm not doing anything I'm sitting around and um I'm isolated I'm

7:22just with my family and I just was not I was active I wasn't doing anything that genuinely made me happy and I actually remember I was snap chatting a boy and he literally said to me like gaining weight huh no he did not that is something I actually don't tell you want it was that changed back it was crazy I don't remember I don't even remember who it was but it was some kid for my school and like we were snapping for aisle and then I like snapped a picture he said that to me and after that I went down a spiral and I genuinely and it's it's always a freaking it's a man the guys you will have to understand like this is why we are the way that we are but it triggered me yeah in a way I every time I looked in the mirror ever since the second I opened that every single time I looked in the mirror all I saw was I'm fat I'm fat I'm fat and fat and fat I'm literally ugly like I'm not like this boy literally thinks I'm fat like who else thinks I'm fat you know little just

8:24that's a good guy now too that would give you so many issues that gives us so many things like that one has to do insecurities yes and so I went to my mom and I was like mom like I want to you know I want to lose weight and whatever and she was amazing during that time like really helped me um like we created like a healthy plan for me to because like also I was said in Terry and like that's not great sorry like sue me it's not good to lay around all day that's not healthy for your brain you don't have to be doing an insane amount of exercise but like walk you know do something that's good for your mental so I went to my mom and I was like I really would like to you know lose some weight like it's not like I don't know I just want to be like fit again you know and so I started working out and then eating less and eating less and to turn into eating nothing and overworking myself and hair falling out and eventually I started throwing up hmm that's something I don't talk about either but that is something that so many girls do

9:32so many girls do it and I'm like guys guys so much peace and love your hair's gonna fall out it's actually reversing all the effects in your body it's not good for you it's even worse for you it's worse for you and in fact your metabolism is getting effed up as well like it's ruining it so not good for your gut not good for anything um but I was bulimic for quite a long time um and eventually which is like so random but I climbed I climbed out of that because I did birth control which gave me an appetite again and then I just kind of slowly stopped caring about that whole side of things which is the most random bounce back but um initially my eating disorder was the awakening of my mental health problems um which is such a common thing for I would literally say every single woman on this planet yeah yeah struggles with salt to some extent with to sort of eating yes and it's not talked about enough and it can trigger those mental health struggles right and another thing I like really want to touch on is like because that voice

10:37said that one thing to me it created years years of problems and damage to me and it's like something that I've grown is like confidence and it's like if you if I had enough confidence at the time to think like he's so stupid like you know but obviously I'm a I'm a software in high school I'm probably 14 15 I'm not mature enough to like have a healthy mindset on any of that um and people don't understand the words that can affect a 14-year-old oh yeah like you're my mind was developing I was still I'm a child essentially like at that when you're 14 and 15 you don't feel like a child looking back I'm in my 20s and I'm a freaking child I'm so emotional entering high school are you serious and like saying the words that people say in high school like really do affect you I had a lot of things that if genuinely deeply like impacted me in high school that's still the fact to me today and high school was just really really hard for me

11:40so I think that like anyone that's in high school is like yeah like everyone's insecure no one knows who they are yet everyone's so impressionable yes and it's just all of those people together at one school yeah it's just it's also hormones yeah it's hormones you're developing you're changing your frontal lobe is developing like you are literally becoming the person you're gonna be yes and you're so so impressionable and those are the most transformative years of your life so that's stupid idiot guy that said I know I want to go freaking punch him in the nuts and kill him that is awful and like little does that guy know how much of an impact or negative negative but it's not on your list yeah what a douche you know you really just it's crazy we need to be so much more careful with what we say to people yeah I think that's like the big biggest thing is like I hate how normal it is to be mean mm-hmm it is so normal it's normal like you say like oh I'm gonna bully this person as a joke and like it's not it's not a joke it's not a joke like people

12:45online especially with me doing social media I will be scrolling like okay if someone is getting can't like cancel culture for example I see so many people getting canceled online do you know the person have you had a direct conversation with this person no shut up you don't have a say are you serious agreed if you had never had a direct interaction with the human shut up yeah you don't get to say anything genuinely I will have weirdos DM me weird things do you know my middle name no okay shut the hell up yeah shut the hell up who are you I don't know who you are I don't care like genuinely I don't care and that's I think that's where a confidence comes from is like mm-hmm why the hell would I trust someone's judgment of me who's never had a conversation with me over my own I know me why do I care what you think I don't know you you know I just think if I had these thoughts in high school I would have been saved

13:51yeah because that was the peak of my mental health I had so many issues in high school and honestly I think another problem that I have with people this is just like so out there oh my gosh everyone thinks that they're perfect yes oh hello yeah hello let's go back down to earth no one on this planet is perfect yeah I hate the concept of like not forgiving and like the victim mentality sorry yeah I know people are gonna hate me for saying that get out of your victim complex if you've done something ever in your life if you've breathed you've done something to hurt someone else yeah it is normal we're all humans we all have hormones first of all like growing up I was a freaking brat my parents I'm sorry I'll come out and say it like I am so imperfect I am so far from perfect I'm not saying doing bad things people is okay because it's absolutely not but I know that everyone watching this has done something has done something

14:51yeah has done something immoral has done like we're human we're all human and I'm sick of people acting like we're not not like this is an AI camp like I don't care I don't care that AI is coming to the picture like this is a real freaking life we're on planet earth we're on planet earth babe we're not on AI like AI planet like literally why are we acting like everyone's supposed to be perfect and have it all together accountability is everything yes accountability is everything I always will respect someone that can take accountability over literally anything and just have self-awareness too right yeah we're talking about that earlier as well like just being able to be self-aware is like the core stepping stone yes of a confident absolutely knowing that you're not perfect and you don't have to be but being aware they're like oh you might have done wrong you might have messed up you might not be perfect and that's okay I think that's another really big factor actually with self-awareness self-awareness comes with confidence hmm if someone

15:51were to come up to me right now and just be like Bailey like you're really tall like if a guy's like you're too tall okay you could take that in a way and be like oh my gosh like and then like every time you're around a short guy you're like oh my gosh I'm like too tall like I'm in ski reddit no like he thinks you're tall who cares like that's not but I'm self-aware not to know I am tall yeah I am tall okay you can't diss me for something I know I am tall what about it like have you ever thought maybe you're like you're too short and you're projecting your insecurities like like what don't project oh bro like no for sure genuinely I just think that's like the biggest thing with confidence is like if you're self-aware no one can tear you down literally no one like someone points out a flaw like if someone's like okay I'll point out one of my flaws like I I'm very opinionated I am extremely opinionated like I'll be in the car friends and they're like where do you want to go I'm like I'm gonna be like I want Chick-fil-A and we're gonna go to Chick-fil-A

16:54and like I don't think that's like a great quality like because it creates a lot of conflict sometimes but like if someone were to say that like Bailey like you're really annoying to be around because you're really opinionated okay I knew that surprise like I knew that you know it's like I'm self-aware enough it's like you got to be self-aware about these things and like work on them is that's a human yeah so that's like something I've really learned of confidence is like if you're self-aware like just know your flaws or work on them but like know that no one is perfect yeah no one's perfect like I feel like we're playing we're playing the perfect game like I said like AI like this is an AI world like you know get off AI planet that's not a thing like we're all imperfect and the second you can realize that you are imperfect is a second that you can be confident yeah so for sure and I think kind of going into that like with even switching into vulnerability too you're saying this like being vulnerable with people is such a good way to connect to people and just you become more relatable and real and you kind of ever kind of lowers their guard down

17:59because everyone relates to struggling and going through our times like everyone's been there so when you hear someone talk about it especially like you on social media it's just like wow I'm gonna follow this girl because I relate and no one's talking about this and like this is my first day meeting Bailey you guys and I already feel like I've known her for 20 years because I've like watched all of her videos and just like I I feel like I obviously don't know all of you but I know the kind of person that you are like you are such a good sweet girl you know so how do you of course yeah how do you feel like that has like manifested in your life like being vulnerable or was there like a breaking point where you kind of switch and decided to be vulnerable what you went through I think I've always been like an open book always like I mean I remember like I met my ex's parents like years ago and like one of the things that they said to me they were like you're a really open book and I almost kind of like got offended I was like oh like maybe I'm like too open like maybe I'm too out in the open like maybe I like overshare

19:01and like that kind of freaks me out but it's like people need to hear it like everyone is like so quiet about their struggles and like I think that like my whole life mission is I just want everyone to remember like we're human and especially with social media it's literally a perfection competition genuinely it is all perfection competition and it's like whose life looks the best and if you go to my Instagram the dynamic between my TikTok and my Instagram is so different it's like whoa like I had I had a girl do I mean she's like you have like my dream life and I'm like oh baby do I on the outside like it's awesome yeah I have a really awesome life I'm really really really blessed and like I have a roof over my head I get food every day you know I have a job I'm very extremely blessed that doesn't make someone not have problems you could look at the richest person alive they sell problems and I feel like people just constantly like strive to be perfect all the time and it's like it's okay to not be perfect in fact like this

20:10we were talking about this earlier we were talking about how like I think that depression is beautiful and it's a crazy take it really is to say depression is beautiful here's the thing look at a narcissist a narcissist feels nothing a narcissist is not capable of genuinely really actually having that deep of a depression because they can't feel they don't feel they don't feel remorse they don't feel empathetic and they feel sorry for themselves because they're narcissistic but at the end of the day how beautiful is it that you love that deeply and that you feel that deeply that you can feel that sad how beautiful is that I think that makes someone a human that is the most beautiful part about being a human it's like oh my gosh like I want to make like a if I really get tick-tock editor like some of the makes up those tick-tock edits like yeah I just would like be like how beautiful is like sadness because it is oh my gosh you can feel hello that's

21:10amazing like whenever I'm sad I'm just like and here's another random thought it's like every time I feel like a lot of girls can relate to this but whenever you're like not like I've seen my my gosh like why am I rambling I love one of my friends Ali she's like married she's like hably married she's a kid and she's like me singing this like breakup song as if like I just got of like the most gut wrenching like relationship whatever and it's like but imagine like being able to relate to it and like actually listening to that awesome song and being like oh like I am really feeling this but this artist related to it too that they made the song you know it's like sometimes we almost crave having those like thoughts and like those feelings and it's like you could have it really good but like sometimes this sadness is like that's what makes happiness so awesome like being sad is what makes it so awesome like it just emphasizes the high yeah that you

22:15have it's it's like not it's like going on a three day fast and then you finally get to have like food and it's like whoa like this food tastes extra good or it's you know it's the same concept yeah it's feeding your soul if you never have those low moments then you never know what the happy moments feel like you know exactly and I think you're so right I think depression and sadness gets calmly misconstrued it's like a negative yes confrontation right that's like a negative thing in everyone's eyes pretty much but I love that perspective that you shared about like what a beautiful thing that you are able to feel that emotion because some people can't even feel that they just numb out yeah so like that is you know it's a blessing in a curse but being able to kind of just like switch that mindset and see like I'm so grateful and lucky that I even am able to feel that much you know because then that makes the highs so much higher exactly exactly like could not say better like honestly and yeah I think that people are like embarrassed about being sad and I like it makes me like so that that just makes me crumble like

23:22it's not embarrassing if you I wish that we could honestly oh I heard a quote and this is one of my favorite quotes I recently heard this and I was like holy like this hit me like a brick it was like if you had the option to put your problem in a box but every single person in the whole entire world has to do the same thing and you but you had to repick out a new problem would you gamble your your problem for someone else's in the whole entire world that's so good that literally like changed my life yeah every single time I'm sad about something like whoa lock in bro what it like girl it's okay like it's okay and it's like that made me realize like I've always really known the concept of like everyone is struggling that really like tug it to another level of like everyone is really really really really struggling and no one talks

24:25about it no one freaking talks about it and like I said about the social media topic like because that's what I do I'm like so big with social media and like you scroll on TikTok for five I'm guessing you scroll for five minutes and it's you know it's probably something relatable something it's a woman waking up her baby and taking the baby you know he's running her errands like it's probably a girl doing her makeup and take it ready with me for going to the Bahamas yeah there's someone in the Bahamas you know you're you're looking at social media and it's this highlight real and it's also a lot of like emotion and feeling and can be kind of draining but overall like the girl that made the TikTok sing get ready with me to go to Bahamas she has her own set of problems the mom that looks like she has it all together probably cried earlier that day because her babies having a tantrum and it's really overbearing and it's like you just don't know you have no idea the damn extent of what people are dealing with are going through the suicide rates are

25:28astronomical it's actually sickening to think about yeah how many people and the fact that like we both are sitting here we're both normal people we both have had them yeah we both have had those suicidal thoughts yeah and it's like if two girls sitting here normal girls who you probably I saw you Bailey I would never ever thought that that's something you've dealt with in your life you never know you never know you literally never know you never know and I think like going through stuff I've gone through has kind of shifted that perspective even more to be like wow when I was at my lowest nobody knew yeah and nobody really like could tell or saw so it just like it makes you a much more empathetic person just to realize it's so normal and calm and to struggle and to have thoughts like that you know yeah it's it's it's really not talked about enough because it's uncomfortable and it's vulnerable but yeah I think it definitely needs to be talked about more

26:30because you're right the suicide rates are horrible. Literally it's it's insane it's I hear a lot about mainly men like older like mid mid-age men suicide actually which is which is really interesting to me yeah um but I also do know like of a few people our age recently like friend of friends that have commit suicide yeah and I'm like I've talked to people that were in their life directly and it's like they did not know yeah you never know they did not know and that is sickening like there's probably someone in both of our lives right now but we don't even know yeah and there's you know I was talking about my friend one of my good friends actually yesterday she was telling me like about something an experience you had the day before that she was like I was crashing out yesterday and I had that literally like had me feeling awful because I was like yesterday I was in

27:30I was showing my home you know I was just doing my own thing I had no idea that one of my closest friends was having an awful day and it's like it's not even about that it's the concept of like we are living right now we're existing right now and we're podcasting there's someone right now that is contemplating like thinking about killing themselves and I genuinely am disturbed at that thought another thing is like with my platform I post a lot about you know mental health and suicidal thoughts and oh my gosh like I'm gonna like get emotional all of my DMs that I get are like there's a 13 year old that DMed me and she literally told me like I wrote out five letters last night to my family and two of my friends and I set a prayer and then I woke up the next morning

28:32after that night like really considering like doing it the next day 13 and then she said my video came on her 40 page and it saved her life and that like 13 and I get them I people tell me their age all the time I get 11 year olds and I'm like you are just starting your life bro you're literally just starting your life like you don't even know the people you're gonna meet and the like what if you're supposed to be a doctor like what if you go to medical school in nine years and you save nine lives in the future you ending your life right now could kill those nine people that you could potentially save in the future you know what I mean you don't know the impact you are gonna have on people in the future you don't know what the future holds and taking your life could take others people need you like I don't think people understand

29:35how much every single person on this earth is needed and like a lot of suicide stems from feeling like a burden yeah and that's why people don't talk about it because they feel like a burden they feel like they're burdening other people and I'm like I think as humans we need a bond over it we need a bond over it we all are struggling like this 11 year old girl like holy crap I I want to sit in a room with you and I want to bond with you about how when I was 11 I probably felt the same way and I just think that humans like we need to love each other more we need to have each other's backs like we need to talk about it I want a freaking host conventions when I grow my platform like I don't have a whole convention where we can all bond over it and talk about it because it's real and I hate that it's like so minimized it's a it's a very minimized issue and why are we talking about like politics yeah it's like crazy right now but it's like in the grand scheme of things like why are we not speaking about mental health more it really frustrates me because

30:39I'm telling you every single person is struggling even if it's like in a large way or like I have a family history of like depression and I think that's like what makes it so hard for me is like I've had uncles and random things happen where they've come at suicide and like most of my family has struggled with it and so I think it's just like something that just runs in my DNA I guess yeah but like I just everyone is struggling and I like literally just want everyone to love each other and to support each other and to check it on each other and to honestly be self-aware be self-aware that you are human being and it's okay to feel this deeply and like the situation that you're in I want everyone listening to this to like look at Ellie she struggled really bad really bad I struggled really bad and we are both in a place where

31:47we're both confident enough and like like it's not even all being happy it's about we trust the process and we're both strong enough to like be carried through anything that we go through in the future because we've been the lowest of low and we have been able to get out of it and now we're sitting here doing this podcast but I just everyone needs to see it this is real this is this is real life this is real life this is just real and I just I want people to see real wrong ocean yeah it's what's missing in our world you're so right because like yes like you said politics yes we can focus on that but it's like there are bigger issues in the world right now yeah and even just like little steps just what you do on your social media platforms this

32:48podcast what you're sharing is going to help so many people and it was so much emotion from people that are going through similar things and having similar thoughts and feelings I think another thing I like want to share also is like I was talking about my messages that I get I get hundreds every day hundreds I could go back in my phone right now and count hundreds of people I have a platform with roughly I don't know like 160-ish followers thousand followers I don't know how many of them struggle with their mental health like as severely as others but like think about like how many people that is in a room of people that are probably struggling that depression video that I posted it was I posted a video about having like suicidal thoughts and like I have these impulsive suicidal thoughts and I spiral and that video I think has like 60,000 saves yeah put

33:5260,000 people in a room you look at the numbers 60k you look at people in a freaking room 60,000 people I can't even and that's not even like that that's a some I that video has like 500,000 views that's not even like yeah I've been there I didn't say that video so not even including me that's right people that watch a video that didn't even save it yeah I specifically do it yes I specifically said in the video come back to this video if you struggle having suicidal thoughts 60,000 people saved it and people didn't necessarily like people probably didn't save it think about how many more people than just 60,000 in a room right because I think the numbers you can get so eccentricize but put yes those people in a room yes that are all struggling with that yes same like if you feel alone you are certainly not alone no you are certainly not alone

34:57that video is about having suicidal thoughts that is the most extreme thing the extreme other extreme and we act like it's nothing we act like it why are we not talking about that I'll dance around it and it's too deep or too heavy to talk about it needs to be talked about I have never seen a video about that me neither you are literally the only person that I've ever seen post like maybe I haven't seen other people's videos but why have I not seen another video and like I get it so vulnerable yes but why are we not talking about it more like I just want everyone to like raise more awareness for mental health like it is it's taking a toll on everyone and if it's not personally affecting like I will I will say when I was at my lowest I definitely like took it out on people and it doesn't just affect me my mental health isn't just affecting me because I am that way I am second I'm making people experience that second hand the people that

35:59care about me are experiencing that second hand I know that when I struggle my mom is struggling just as much as not more because it hurts her to see that people love you and like just literally watching someone going through that hurts like it's not fun to see that and like I think that's where it comes from like I don't want to be a burden but it's like they need to know and like we need a bond over it like I said like and people like the amount of guilt that people would feel to know that like to not know that you were struggling and they could have helped you oh my gosh like I have so many friends and this is how sad is that I could say I have so many friends that have a friend that commit suicide yeah that is tragic first of all I have so many friends that have had someone that they know or have like a friend commit suicide and I have seen how that has affected the friend or like just the guilt of not knowing and it's like think about how many people might have felt that guilt how many people would have loved to help you would have loved to be there

37:03for you like I know being vulnerable so scary but like we need to get help like everyone needs to get help and I want you all to get help like I just want every single person that like listens to help yeah we all need it and it's not it's not embarrassing oh sorry you're good sorry I think also like the burden thing is like so relatable like that really was like my biggest thing when I was struggling a lot with suicide ideation I really just felt like I don't want to tell anyone I don't want anyone to worry about me I don't want to be a burden I would have never been a burden in anyone's life because they're people that are love me and that would have been there for me but when you're in that I almost like imagine it for me as like you're in this like fog almost or you feel like no one's there for you no one wants to help you no you're going to be a burden in their lives and then you could just kind of keep slipping back and back into that fog until you can't even see anymore and you think the only solution out of that is to take your life

38:03but really like like you said there'd be so many people that would feel so guilty because they weren't there for you like if you do get to that point you can tell somebody you need to tell somebody and no one will ever be like yeah figure it out Ellie like go figure it out like people will be there for you and be supportive yeah no like absolutely and I I don't know I think that the concept of like being a burden is crazy because like what actually burdened someone is the thought of you not being here anymore that's the real burden you being here is not the burden you taking your life and someone having to live the rest of their life knowing that they could have been there and they didn't know that is the burden that is self-inflicted I saw this app I'm gonna hit in the new limited series dtf st. Louis Jason Bateman David Harbor and Linda Cartelini star has three suburban nights who spiced up their love lives wow don't miss the new

39:04HBO original limited series dtf st. Louis Sundays at nine on HBO max this episode is brought to you by Nespresso introducing virtual up the latest and a long line of innovation from Nespresso it's innovation you can touch sense and taste in every single cup with a three-second start easy open lever and dedicated brew over ice button it's even easier to enjoy your coffee your way sit for yourself shop virtual up exclusively at nespresso.com doing like and here's the thing I like when you're in that that pit of sadness and you're that depressed you're not thinking about those things but I think that's something that has helped me the most whenever I have spiraled is just remembering like those people and like remembering I am not a burden I can have happy moments I am not a burden and something else this is probably the number one thing that has helped ground me every time I've spiraled is you want your feelings

40:11to end you don't want your life to end it's not the life it's not your life it's your feelings feelings are so overbearing and miserable and I know that there's a lot a lot of circumstantial things like someone probably did something to someone and like like a murderer like you know what I mean like someone probably like murdered someone they like can't live with the guilt so they want to commit suicide but it's like you can get help and I know it's like crazy coming from like you know a more privileged white girl sitting here that like I said has a roof over her head and I am very privileged I have a lot like I was blessed to you know into like a an awesome family and you know religious and like I have had privileges that a lot of people don't have and like obviously like people probably think I'm it's like over like it's almost like how how can you be depressed right how are you allowed to be depressed like there's people starving and it's like it is true but if you go to freaking Africa and you see starving little kids they probably look

41:14a lot happier than you are mm-hmm and it's like being happy I hate to say it like you got to have a thick asses set of skin yeah you got to be so strong because that is what gets you through just being strong problems never end and another thing too is like whatever you complain about you could still so like if someone doesn't have like all the money in the world okay you get rich now what another set of problems yeah someone that single wants a relationship really bad thinks that having a family will solve their problems you have your family another set of problems kids are hard marriage is hard finances are hard there's problems always what gets you through life is resilience mm-hmm always gonna be resilience that is like the number one thing like problems never freaking go away and you could be in the worst situation you'd be living in your car and like obviously printed white girl sitting here saying that like you're you know like they're like okay shut up mm-hmm like you don't know what that's like I don't know what that's like

42:17but I do know what it's like to be severely depressed and I have seen people in those situations yeah that are so resilient that they can still find the quality of life in their life yeah like I think that it's more of I've seen so many such I've seen so many situations I've seen I've had close friends that like oh my gosh why is everything everything is going to go on I've seen like people getting genuinely like physically abused emotionally emotionally emotionally emotionally new word unlocked emotionally abused I've seen a lot of divorces I've seen deaths in families I've seen like awful awful like someone's gotten murdered or family like car accident like I've I've genuinely heard awful stories and I just think like I've I've seen people be able to be resilient mm-hmm and I think that's most beautiful thing it's like depression sucks

43:19but if you're resilient you're you're gonna be fine yeah and I think like we just need to learn how to be resilient we need to love each other more we need to learn how to be resilient yep depression does not have anything on you at all I love this video you talked about where you said that something that really like pulls you out of when you're in a spiral or hard time is just like thinking of a euphoric happy moment that is like I never heard someone say like that but when I listened to that video I was like wow and that totally totally like changed my perspective so do you want to just share a little bit about like how like how you do that or like what you do for so in like current times because I like we talked about self-awareness I am self-aware enough to know I'm going to continue to have moments in my life where I do spiral of course and I and I do have those really low days where I'm like holy crap I don't know if I can do this and I in the current times like life isn't baisies and rainbows all the time or freaking unicorns like it's you

44:20know like like we like most of my days are kind of mid like it's like okay wake up I work something fun might happen but it's like you know it's not like I'm like in a euphoric state of mind yeah um then a lot a lot of days are just the same it's repetitive and sometimes lonely um but I think that like there's a few very special moments in my life that I've had it's it's almost like if you ask someone like if you could relive any day in your life yeah what would it be the day before okay so think about that day right like I have a day in mind for me if you think about the day before that day what you have known that that day would have been one of the best days ever no you know you don't know that you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow you don't know what's going to happen next week you don't know what's going to happen in a month you can meet your soulmate tomorrow you could get pregnant tomorrow you anything can happen tomorrow and it's like you don't know that yeah and so when I'm in those moments of like I'm spiraling I just remember like

45:24what if something awesome happens tomorrow for the next day it's like if this is this little moment I'm having is like not worth the whole quality of my life it's not like this problem cannot take me bro because there's gonna be so many awesome moments and I just like really cling on to those days where I'm like this is like one of my favorite days ever yeah or thinking about people where I'm like I'm never gonna see them again if I am not here and like I just think you really got to cling on to like happiness and I hate like I hate bringing religion into like things like this because a lot of people don't believe in God and so it's like saying like turn to God he can save you and it's like I believe in that yeah but someone that's atheist they're like well I don't believe in that so like how do I actually get out of depression so I try to like shy away but I think that like I look at the devil as depression I look at the devil like literally hugging me yeah that's it like when I'm in like one of those super deep dark holes

46:32of despair I literally can imagine the devil is hugging me and like I can like see God from a distance like being like don't like don't let him take you like don't let him take you like that's literally like one of the main things and like it's something I don't share on social media because it's like that's can't just save someone but it's like I genuinely just think like don't let him take you because like dark like depression is darkness and happiness is light so if you don't believe in God think of it like that like don't let the darkness take you like that is darkness like I have like a visual in my head of like a cartoon and you know like like there's a whole like swarm of darkness and the whole thing is pitch black that you see a tiny speck of light a tiny speck of light and it's like a little voice saying like don't do it don't let that take you that's literally like my visual I have a weird visual every time I'm like going through like a spiral

47:33like I just have this weird visual in my head where I'm like don't let it take you it's not worth it look for the speck of light that speck of light are the people that have improved the quality of my life the moments that I've had that improve the quality of my life and my favorite things that have improved the quality of my life like we are all curated exactly how we want to be created we wear certain things because we feel cute in those certain things and we feel nice in those certain things and we do our makeup a certain way because we like how we look we are all curated differently we all have different foods that we love and it's like if you just like remember those things it's like you're so special you really are unique and you're special like you're wearing that you you picked out that piece of jewelry today because it made you feel cute you know and you keep wearing it because it makes you feel cute and it's like that's what makes you special you have things that you like and it's like I picked out this shirt today because you know I thought it was cute and I ordered it in the first place because I thought it

48:33was cute yeah and it's like that's what makes me special and it's like you probably have a dream car I don't know what your dream car is but like I have a dream car and I have a certain like dream in my life where I like want my house look a certain way and it's like we are all so unique and special and I want everyone to just feel that themselves like I because you're you it's it's easy to like not feel special because you're you and then you look at other people and you kind of like want other people have but it's like you are curated really specifically like you might have very similar interests as someone else but no one is like anyone no one on this earth is like anyone you are special you are genuinely like if I could have a personal conversation with every single person I would get something different out of the conversation we're all so unique and special and like I just I think that's like a huge part of confidence it's like you are curated specifically and you are not like anyone else you are genuinely not like anyone else and that's

49:36why comparison can be so detrimental because like yes you compare yourself to people but you're not them you're never gonna be them no just focus on what you love about yourself right like you're saying exactly well that's that that's the thing I just think like when you are you it's really easy to like paint yourself is like oh I'm like everyone else I always say that all the time because it's funny like every time like a guy compliments you're like oh I'm just like every other girl in Utah girl like I you know got the basic long hair and the blonde and you know I got the same close sometimes yeah like we cut all the same but it's like no I am different like and you're different and every girl I'm compared to they're all also different and it's like we're made differently and I think that it's so easy for us like not feel special or not feel unique which is like so far from true yeah we are also special and so unique and like that's something that I always try to remember like all the time when I'm like feeling insecure or like lonely and like

50:40not confident it's just like we're all so different and I'm me and the sooner you accept that you're you is like better it gets you know totally okay guys sorry for the abrupt ending but I am going to split this episode into two separate parts because there was seriously just so much good content here that I just could not edit anything out and we recorded like over an hour and a half Bailey is seriously so amazing and had so much good stuff to say so part two will be next week so stay tuned if you enjoyed this first part the second part is probably my favorite section of the whole entire podcast so definitely don't forget to tune in next week to hear more thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you guys next week love you guys bye