you're already enough [pt 2] (w/ baylee grover)

0:005 a.m. I'm up with a crisp Celsius energy drink running 12 miles today grab a green juice quick change and head to work meetings workshops one more Celsius no slowing down working late but obviously still meeting the girls for a little dancing Celsius live fit go grab a cold refreshing Celsius at your local retailer or locate now at Celsius dot com An all new season of the secret lives of Mormon wives is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus mom talk has just been blowing up Whitney and Jen are on dance with the stars Taylor is a batch throughout saying that out loud is crazy like that is huge but all the cool opportunities could close apart it's causing issues and everyone's marriage my whole world is falling apart right now is chaos watch the Hulu original series the secret lives of Mormon wives now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers terms apply hello you guys and welcome back to the it's cringe but it's true podcast I'm your host Elia Levere and this

1:01episode is actually the part two of last week's episode called you're already enough with Bailey Grover there was just so much good content in the episode you guys that I seriously just could not edit anything out so I just decided to split it up into two parts I have already gotten so many messages and DMs from you guys saying that you cannot wait any longer you're so excited you're part two so I'm so sorry for making you guys wait but I seriously cannot wait for you to hear it it is such an important conversation that really just emphasizes the struggles of mental health in the dark parts that no one really talks about so I think this will hopefully make people feel a lot less alone if you have not listened to last week's episode go make sure you do that before listening to this one I hope you guys enjoy and let's get into it so just going back really fast you don't have to share anything you don't feel comfortable with but what we're like what did you feel like your days were like when you really were in that pit of struggling with suicidal thoughts depression sorry to unlock these no no honestly this is something I just don't talk about like

2:02but honestly like I think it's good because I'm sure so many people have the same exact day as well I was at peak depression I would say in my junior high school and then also my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer about two years ago and those were like two separate phases of my life but both very very awful my junior year I was in I was in school at the time I was dealing with a lot socially I was having like some stupid drama with people and there are rumors being spread about me and I just truly felt so alone and I was in that that stage of like embarrassment of like not wanting to tell anyone really like what I was going through and also like being in drama like I just felt stupid like I was like I don't want anyone to like hear about it I don't want to add to the drama by like talking about it you know so I just kind of kept it all to myself I skipped a week of school and then a week of school turned in two weeks and I could not show my face at school and I was so deeply insecure about the

3:08drama I was going through and I just had something happen with this guy that really took a toll on me and I the days that I was going into class I would literally danger about going home and not waking up I would literally like I could not focus in class I would sit in my chair I remember a specific day I was in my math class and I literally just was zoned out the whole time dreaming like thinking about what I could do when I got home I did not want to be there I wanted to go home and I did not want to wake up I and I think about those feelings and I reflect on them and I just wish I could have like said like the same thing like you don't want your feelings you don't want your life to end your feelings to end because I was so lonely and immature that I couldn't talk about anything and I just did not want to be there anymore and it just was like the loniest feeling of all time and I think that if I had reached out for help

4:13sooner it probably wouldn't have gotten so bad I truly just felt really alone with my friendships as well I have like awesome friends and I had awesome friends but at the time I wasn't really like open about the problems I was having also something about me is I turn everything into a joke like that's something that people just kind of like learns like I'll talk about my problems and I'll kind of like giggle like so basically like my dog just died and it's like he's in a better place though that's like you're coping yeah like I just joke about everything so I think because I'm like that and I like every time I did talk about something it just would come off is like oh she's fine because I was like yeah I was like how to really bad day today like people are spreading rumors around me but it's like fine you're fine yeah um I was always like kind of the really loud one in class too and so I just don't think anyone would have really known um I do also remember a girl like I was really loud and

5:14open and there's this one class I loved I love my English class major near and I loved I love my teacher and um I was just very like comfortable in that class I'm kind of comfortable everywhere like I'm I'm always a loudest mofo I'm the loudest in any room like you can hear me from like a foot five of all fields away like I'm so loud so in this class I was just very myself very loud open and whatever and I just remember my friend told me she's like yeah I was talking to this girl that's like in your English class and she said like you're really annoying oh and after like I heard that I felt like I had to like stop being myself like I literally like that was like one of the things I was like oh like I feel like I need a change and that on like like I said like one thing that someone can say can like literally change the whole like trajectory of how you are and what you do and how you feel and so after that I like completely stopped like talking in that class and

6:19like felt so uncomfortable all the time and just like self-conscious and that made me feel lonely or because I wasn't myself anymore so you combine being really depressed and having your members write about you and feeling lonely and embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it and not being yourself you lose yourself so that combined in a way where I was so just checked out um when I will get into like the stage of when I stopped going to school and this was like when I was peak like really genuinely like I might come myself tomorrow I would lay in bed all day all day long could not leave my bed could not really eat I was also still in eating disorder face um I wasn't believing it at this time but I was definitely like still just not just checked out I literally felt

7:20like a vegetable honestly like physically people don't talk about how when you're so deeply emotional you literally cannot physically do anything you can't move you can't do it then like that's like why people get so irritated when someone's like go on a walk like I always say go on a walk because it does help it does help your mental health really like I get it like when you're that low you can't even I couldn't even leave my bed couldn't even leave my bed I wanted to I would like I was just trying to survive honestly I was trying to make my brain survive I was sleeping like no other sleep is like one of the I think the number one signs of like to like suicide because sleep is the closest thing to it yes sleep is the closest thing to suicide to not be super related I totally related that too like just going to bed and saying I don't even want to wake up the next day yes that's a that's how you know because you're right it's very not similar but the closest you could get to the closest thing you can get to death for sure you're not conscious you're not thinking

8:22and it's the easiest way to cope because you're not like I said thinking and that's how you know it's not your life it's your feelings yeah that's how you know if you're over sleeping it's not your life it's you just not having the capacity to feel the that much like the pain it's like a lot it's overbearing I briefly interrupt this episode to talk about our sponsor your heart threads I randomly found this new hoodie brand that is a small Utah based startup and it'd become absolutely obsessed I seriously love supporting small businesses especially when their mission aligns with mental health I got the heart in mind hoodie that is such good quality perfectly oversized soft and comfortable in addition to it being so freaking cute the meaning behind this hoodie is what makes it 10 times better it's all about aligning your heart in your mind not letting anxiety run your life but also not ignoring your emotions being someone who has struggled with anxiety for most of my life this hoodie is the perfect little reminder to be more in tune with my emotions and not overthink I'm obsessed with this hoodie and been wearing it nonstop if you

9:25guys want to grab one use code le 15 at checkout for 15% off again that's le 15 for 15% off I'll link this in the show notes now let's get back to the episode so I think that like during that time was just like oversleeping like crazy and then there was like a moment this was like the day I was like really just I couldn't do it anymore um I was like telling my parents I was rolling around on my bedroom floor crying my dad was yelling at me to put my shoes on because he was gonna take me to the hospital because I was like so checked out um and that's like how the first memory I had looked like the darkness and like the light that was like the first visual and I truly do think that was like a visitation from god for me um my dad's just yelling at me to put my shoes on he's like we're going I'm taking the hostage kept repeating himself put your shoes on

10:28put your shoes on my parents were so scared because I just kept repeating them I just want to die I kind of want to be here and um I think that was just like a true visitation from god for me that like don't let him take you and after that I just like my my thoughts kind of reclected and I was just like I don't I don't need to go I don't need to go like I'm really struggling but I don't need to go and after that I really devoted my life to god a lot and I was freaking 15 16 at this time and after that moment I really just locked in and I was just like I cannot let the darkness take me anymore it's not fair to me it's not fair to me these experiences that I'm having are not fair but I'm gonna get out and I got myself out and the next time I had a really bad encounter with depression wasn't my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and

11:29I had a boyfriend at the time and that wasn't really going great and um it was just really truly miserable I I lived with my close friend and I took all my anger out on the world on her that was another lesson that I learned is just like it's not okay like if you're that sad like it's just not okay to take it out on people and I think that's like where it really comes down to is when you're like that depressed and you feel like a burden that's when you start that's kind of when I learn to close off and to stop talking about things because like I was taking everything out of my friend and that was not okay for me to do and she was like saying at like for helping me through that but I just think it's really important like if you're struggling like get an outside source as well so you're not taking it out on people that like love like love you because it's not fair to them so I was like something helpful because I felt like the more I was

12:30taking it out on people that I love the more worthless I felt because I was like I'm an awful person like I'm struggling so much and then on top of that I'm hurting people I love so it's like I think that it's so important that you actually get an outside source of help like get a therapist or like go to someone that like you know you're like a relative that you know you're not directly seeing all the time you know I think it's really important that you have an outside source. Exema is unpredictable but you can flare less with Epglyce, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four-month or longer dosing phase about four and ten people taking Epglyce achieved itch relief and glare are almost glare skin at 16 weeks and most of those people maintain skin that's still more glare at one year with monthly dosing. Epglyce, Libri Kizumap, LBKZ, a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema. Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical

13:32therapies. Epglyce can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to Epglyce, allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Epglyce. Before starting Epglyce, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Ask a doctor about Epglyce and visit Epglyce.lily.com or call 1-800-LilyRx or 1-800-545-5979. This episode is brought to you by Whitecloth Surge. Nice choice, hitting up this podcast. No surprises. You're all about diving and it tastes everyone in the room can enjoy. Just like Whitecloth Surge, it's for celebrating those moments when connections have been made and the nights just begun with bold flavors and 8% alcohol by volume unleashed the night. Unleashed Whitecloth Surge. Please drink responsibly, hard shelter with flavors, 8% alcohol by volume. Whitecloth Surge works, Chicago, Illinois. I was going to be on my next question if you've ever, like, did you ever go to therapy or? I had quite a few therapists. Therapists shopping. Therapists, I hated therapy.

14:35Okay. I just felt, well, my mom honestly is above all my therapist. Yeah, well, she's very smart. Like, she's got, she's just a genius. She's like a college math professor or whatever. But she's very smart with people. And I honestly, a lot of what I talk about, I learned from her, which is like, yeah, you get it from somewhere. I mean, I could imagine your parents are freaking awesome. No, my parents are my rock. Like, they really are like, oh my gosh, I want to give them a whole world because they literally changed mine. They fixed mine. And I, I don't know, I learned so much from my mom. And so every time I went to therapy, I'm like, this just does not compare to the advice of my mom can give me because my mom also directly knows me. Yeah. And so like, I know I just said, like, don't go to something. Like, don't take it out on someone that like loves you. But like, my mom knows me. And so it's, that was really easy for me to like totally. But I know not, everyone has a mom or not close to their mom or feel they can talk to their parents. So I think

15:38that there's great therapists out there. I really do. I just like was a hard comparison for me because it's hard to start over and to talk to someone that you don't even know. Yeah. My first therapy session actually was like, I was so embarrassed because I was just saw, I like went in the room, sat down. Hi, like, how are you? I'm Bailey. I'm falling. No, that's what I mean. This, this, this, this, this, this, this, this happened. I was horrible. Help me. And then every session was just uncomfortable because I'm like, I don't really know you. Yeah. So I get it. It's not like for everyone. Therapy's not for everyone. It's, it's really uncomfortable, especially for boys, because boys are not like really like vulnerable. Open. Yeah. So and I think that's why like men are more at the risk for suicide. Yeah, it's way higher rate, right? Which is something else. Yeah. I wanted to hold another episode about male suicide. Yeah. That is a whole thing. And I feel like women feel like really drawn to my content. But like, I do want to talk about how important male, men's mental health is because that is a way bigger

16:39issue right now actually like with suicide. And it's like tragic because they don't, men are told, man up, be men. Don't express your feelings. Don't be emotional. We're all still human. I mean, all still feel they might not feel like, you know, as quick of like a lashout. It's a woman, like a woman is like immediately solving, you know what I mean? But like men still feel it. They're still emotional. Yeah. So I don't know. I think that like, I've always like deemed as a manhater because of what I pose, but that's not true. Yeah. I think like men are important too. Like we're all important. We're all people are human. People are people. That's the end of the day. I don't care who you are. I don't care what you are. We're all humans. We all wake up. We all open our eyes in the morning. We all close them at night. And like, you know, we all have the same bodily functions. Well, to an extent. Men don't have the same bodily functions. I'm different than that. Thank you. Literally Lord, bro. We're the savior. Gosh. But anyways. Yeah. How do you feel like you went about like asking for help? Like when you

17:43didn't want to feel like a burden? Oh, that's a good question. Honestly, I think that when I was like, I feel like I because I took out my anger on people like that I like loved, I feel like they knew I needed help. Yeah. And so my mom forced me to go to therapy. Like, I don't know, when like when during the stage of like cancer, she was like, like right before that, she had me go to therapy for a while. And I did actually like that therapist a lot. She did help me. But I think maturity comes with the human realization. Do you know what I mean? Like I feel like I didn't even have that like, I feel like it's like been my big thing just in 2026 so far. It's just like we're all human. And I just think like accountability is so important. So like when I think of these things, like we're human, we all make mistakes. We're all a little crazy. We all get sad. We all get happy. You know, like we're all normal people. I feel like that made me less afraid to get help because at the end of the day, like the the person that you probably go to therapy for

18:48also has a therapist. Yeah. Because guess what? The therapist is still struggling. Yeah. Isn't perfect either. No. Like literally like anyone in the whole freaking world they're struggling. I also do want to say like I told her earlier, like we talked about how like I've met some celebrities and like I've met famous people and it's like I hear inside scoops of these people's lives and it's like you look at these people and they're like dang I wish I were famous like my life problems would be something. No. No. In fact, their problems are probably worse. Worse. Yeah. Like I I always see those like videos of little kids in Africa and they look way happier than any of these celebrities could ever be true. And it's literally just about like resilience and quality of life and I don't know I just think like resilience is like the most important thing ever. But I think that's what helped me be willing to get help. So do you feel like resilience came with your maturity or like what steps did you take? Because it's hard to be just like be resilient. It is. You know what I mean? It is.

19:55I think I think I've just realized like a lot of life is just mentality. Unfortunately, it's like you could look at like I could look wake up in the mirror and like look at my body and just be like I look so fat today. You know, like we have those days or the end. I'm loaded today. I feel like period. Like I look ugly and it's like okay you can think like that but then it's like okay well overall like I'm still a beautiful person. Like I'm still I still got it good and gratitude is what makes you resilient. Honestly gratitude is like the number one thing honestly that has made me resilient. Like for example, okay this is actually a great example. I made a video about this actually and I was talking about how like I actually enjoyed my birthday because no one likes a birthday. Every single person you ever talked to is like I hate my birthday. That's my birthday too. Yeah, like keep that. So like a lot of people like say they don't like their birthday and a lot of girls cry on their birthday and I've asked so many people

20:57why I don't like your birthday because I want to understand and a lot of people are just like well it's high expectation and then like like you're expecting certain things from people or like people to show up for you or you're maybe expecting someone to say happy birthday you or maybe the person doesn't like it doesn't like attention. You know like there's different things but like a lot of people don't like their birthday and I've never really liked my birthday either. I've cried every year and I think that's just because like I'm someone that like has somewhat of an expectation unfortunately like that's just how I am. Like and like sorry like sue me like that's just how I am like I can't change that about myself. So every year on my birthday now I literally treat my birthday like it's Valentine's Day or something for other people. Every year on my birthday from now on like I write I pick 10 people that for the that past year from my last birthday to that birthday that have genuinely like done something to change my life and I write them a letter that's to celebrate the year like I'm a new age you impacted that year of my life and

22:03that's awesome. So I pick out like 10 people from that year my parents are always first two. But that like I love my freaking birthday because I appreciate the life I just lived for that year instead of thinking who's gonna wish to be a happy birthday? Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me no you you you you you changed my life and it's awesome I'm gonna be sure good Bailey. So I just think like I just think the number one thing that has made me like love life is loving people. Yeah that's why I love my job because like like a lot of people clock in the run if I they don't like it I love my job because it's helping people yeah it's real and it's helping people. I love my birthday because I'm showing expressing love and gratitude and it's not all about me. When everything is made about you that I made a video about how depression holy I'm like a million miles an hour and I'm right on the wavelength. I hate a I made a video about how depression is somewhat a choice

23:09which isn't always necessarily true like yeah when you it's like there is something like a genuine problem in people's brain where they can't help it but I will say like it's because depression is a very selfish mentality because you're so focused on the sadness that you are feeling you cannot focus on other people because that is debilitating your whole thought process that's taking over your whole brain depression is taking over like that's all you can think about which removes the idea of thinking about anyone else but the second you start thinking about other people I promise you you will feel 10 million times better about yourself 10 million times better about yourself so true so I always just try to like focus on serving and like being nice and I was like crazy because like have I been nice always no absolutely not I called a girl ugly in high

24:10school that was like self-aware so that's part of like that was part of like the rumors that happened with me like I got to fight with this girl and then I like I don't I don't remember I think she's I don't know it's so stupid yeah like all her ugly and I think it's a high school drama I have been absolutely a mean girl in my life sorry like we've all done it yeah I've been a mean girl I'm sure like everyone on the girl yeah we've all said something mean about another girl where girls were stupid we all like don't think it's right but I'm just saying like it happened we're human beings like let's be self-aware um but like overall I just think my experiences about like with those things has made me realize like I my whole life from here on out like ever since I I don't know like ever since I've struggled and gone through all these things like my whole goal is to be nice to be kind to be empathetic and to look at humans as humans and not competition and not like they have

25:13to be perfect or I'm better than like no no like everyone's a freaking human and like I just look at everyone as a human that's it bottom line everyone's a human how do you feel like you've turned like these hard things that you've gone through in your life into positives and like things that made you who you are today well that's a really good question honestly like look at my like my platform as one thing like I I know I don't know I've always kind of seen myself doing social media but I wasn't like for sure like I tried doing nursing for a little while like I don't know yeah because social media is very I don't know it's for obvious reasons like I said it's like almost AI like yeah like literally literally and then I hate being perceived a certain land social media yeah like I can't control people perceive like I know for a fact people that don't like me probably send my videos around and like say whatever the freak that they want and my mentality is just like at the end of the day like that doesn't amount to the people I do exactly because the people that

26:17you've made such impact on their lives yeah there's a way more important than someone who thinks yeah doesn't like you or send my video in the damn group chat yeah go ahead don't care because you're saving people's lives yeah that's way more meaningful like you mean nothing to me yeah and so like and honestly I feel bad for you if I'm your main focus yes thank you for really like spending your energy your time and energy on me really that's all you have better to do and you're talking about it because it's doing well yeah so that's so besides the point honestly no that's like so besides the point um but I think it's helped me just be nicer as a whole to people like I like I said like I'm a very opinionated person like if you if you meet me like I don't know overall I just try to like project positivity into everyone's lives if I can like totally damn I try to like ask people that is the number one thing I've like really tried to shift in my life is I check in all the time on people like I just say hey how are you doing you have no clue like one

27:25of my other friends is like really struggling with anxiety right now and I would never guess never like I had a conversation with her like a week or so ago and I was just like hey like how are you doing she's like oh I like can't sleep I have worse anxiety ever and I'm like you sure I didn't know that you do and I didn't know that and it's like checking it and then now I'm like able to talk to her and check in more and be like hey like yeah how are you doing like how can I help you you know I think that checking in on people is so important or even asking a stranger yeah that's something else I've noticed because when I'm in California I don't there's like I only have like a few local like my friends aren't even local like my friends have kind of far yeah I have very few like close friends on California right now so most of my days are like I work and then I do something myself it's like always like I'm going and doing something alone so like I go get a matcha a ton I'll go thrifting I'll go walk downtown like you know like my little bitch city it's really fun but I've noticed the more time I spend by myself the more I branched out to people and like I

28:29learned things about strangers and like having a conversation with a stranger like it makes me like I feel hopeful in the world like there's so many sweet kind strangers and like like the tiniest little interactions like restore hope in me like for example like if I'm driving around and like someone like excuses me to like go before them in a parking lot in the car and it's like that little tiny interaction is so kind yeah and it's like that person probably like was like oh like it's okay like you can that makes me like kind of like emotional little like that's so cute like it's the tiniest little thing that's like you're a human and you just like like you're a nice person you know and then I mean there's also the people in the car that will flip you off if you're trying to go in their lane yeah so it's like I can order them you know it's just I just think that like the more that you like get off your phone you make a talk to people and do things alone yeah you learn a lot about people and I think it's like the number one thing with me is like I try to understand people as much as I possibly can yeah like understanding there's like that

29:33quote or it's like understanding like means more than loving someone like that's more important than loving someone so I try to understand everyone any stranger I mean like I want to understand you yeah no I want to I want to know you and also something else that I don't see anyone talk about ever is like when someone like calls someone crazy like say like you're crazy like I've heard that word be thrown around all the time no one is crazy no one's crazy people have genuinely been through things that have made them crazy and it's like if like that person's crazy I'm crazy because like we all do things there's a quote that's like real emotional intelligence is understanding why that person is the way they are yes because everyone like someone who we might think is crazy has been through some really hard stuff in their life and that's why they are the way they are so not judging but just understanding like you were saying it's like such an important yes I think that's like really changed my life too is like I have been able

30:35to understand people which has made me love them more and like love them more like unconditionally because like like I said like my life goal is like I just want to love I literally want to love I want to be unconditional I like genuinely I want to understand people and like for example like if someone's super clingy and someone's like that person's really annoying because they're really clingy that person probably has like really severe trauma being left or abandoned and it's like when you showed them kindness they cleaned on to that because they aren't used to that kindness so it's like you don't know and the second you understand people the second you have a better like realization of how you can treat them and like be a good person to them and so that's like been another thing that has like really really changed my life so going back to what you were saying earlier about just like being there for people and how you feel like it's made you better at being there for people since everything you've been through I feel like it's so common for someone to be like how are you doing and then you say good good because then I was literally at my low

31:38wrist I'd pass a peer friend whatever how are you doing Ellie I'm good I'm good actually I'm horrible I'm so horrible I'm not good at all so just really checking in on your friends being vulnerable and allowing them to open up intentional yes and like I think if we're now talking about like how to be there for someone else you know is struggling especially like regarding depression for me I feel like it was just people like being there for me because it's like it's hard for someone to make plans or like you know sometimes like you don't want to leave your bed like we were saying yeah just in really dark moments my friends would just show up with like a little treat and say you don't even have to talk to me right now just here I'm here for you I love you we're rooting for you take as much time as you need and I think that is so important just to be there and show that you're there for people because it feels like you're alone right and that's what leads to suicide right right because I feel like you don't have anyone yeah I really like that you mentioned that because like that like same with me like people are like oh how are you doing

32:40and I'm like oh I'm good but like honestly with me I feel like I wear all my expressions like really easily like people can just kind of tell like overall like vast majority of people like you have no freaking clue like you genuinely and like well I guess like I said I kind of laugh at everything yeah sometimes the funniest people really are no so true no so true that's their coping mechanism they cool that's a little check it on your funny friends they might not be okay yeah so like I know I really like that you touched on that because like even if you talk to a stranger like you'll go to the store I'd be like hey how are you like most common thing to say to you yeah hey how are you doing how's your day it's like like it's it's fine oh it's good I don't know okay yeah it's like but art like you're not and like the only way someone can open up to you is if you're intentional one-on-one like genuine that's why it's like every single person that's playing it has one friend at least like has one person that they could like be like hey how

33:43are you doing yes we got to do that we got to do that we got to say hey how is how is your day how are you really doing like are you doing okay saying how are like are you doing okay cuz like you don't know you don't know and it's like be intentional have that one-on-one conversation like I think that that could help a lot of people this episode is brought to you by state farm having insurance isn't the same as having state farm it's like thinking your crush message you back but it's just your roommate asking for rent you wouldn't settle for a disappointing DM so don't settle for just any insurance when it comes to getting the help you need state farm is a real deal like a good neighbor state farm is there if you and your bestie do everything together tinder's new double date feature is about to change your dating life because now you can even go on first dates together double date turns a potentially nerve-wracking first date into a chill group hang with your bestie where you can actually be your full silly self plus you get to debrief everything together afterward whether it was amazing or good for the plot try the new

34:48tinder double date it starts with a swipe download tinder today something that like really impacted me is I worked at soupas which is like yeah I love and you talk and we got this like new worker guy and he was so bubbly so fun so happy and we I only worked one shift to 10 right and then a week later we got notified that he committed suicide oh my gosh and it just hit me and I was like whoa him like that guy was so happy on the outside and that just like goes to show you gently just never know you know you never know I know every time I like hear about like it puts my stomach enough for you know what because it's like what were their last five minutes like like I can't even misery oh my gosh it makes me like sick actually and like you just didn't even know and no one knew probably like

35:49everyone's like what and a zupa worker like yeah it was so bubbly and so nice and so happy too that's what really threw me oh my gosh it actually makes me sick no it's really so sad but no I love just seriously everything that we've already talked about just like just kind of like recapping everything just being able to remember those good euphoric moments in your life because we all have them you can remember one good moment that you've had in your life and just remember that you can feel that way again because you've felt that way before yeah and I love what you said also about just like what if tomorrow you meet your husband or what if tomorrow's the best day of your life or you know maybe it won't be the best day because you're probably pretty depressed you know but what if something really great happens to you and once you just kind of switch that mindset and just try to look for the good things even though when you're in a depressive episode or struggling with mental health it's like so freaking hard to do that but just like everything you have said is so good seriously because it's not your feel it's not your life it's your feelings that you want to

36:53end always always I think it's like the most important thing and it's always the feelings so just wrapping up is there any last piece of advice that you want to give to anyone who's like currently struggling or something you wish you could tell your younger self um that is also a really good question so to get it over you honestly I just think like vast majority of people that have reached out to me at least or like things that I notice and like their messages is just like I'm just like it's very circumstantial usually like they're in a very specific circumstance where that specific thing is triggering them so deeply and like that's what it is usually for me it's very circumstantial it's not like I don't know like a midlife crisis is very different like a man and is like 40s you know a big issue like wanting to just having having a midlife crisis is

37:53wanting to add it yeah but usually it's all circumstantial it's all like a very specific situation that's just like triggering them so deeply that they think that they cannot do it anymore and so I want everyone to just feel like inspired to know like your feelings are not there forever and like I want everyone like we're just two or two people of what 8 million yeah we both have had suicidal thoughts and we are both okay right now I can say with full confidence right now I am very happy to be alive me as well but a few years ago I wanted to end it and I had a plan to end it and it's like it just it does get better it really does and like I just want everyone to like really know that and like it doesn't feel like it will but like if you could

38:54feel any any amount of euphoria or happiness at all in your life you can absolutely feel it again absolutely but you're nothing's wrong with you you have the capacity to feel and I think that is the most beautiful thing okay Bailey that was amazing we cried we laughed what a roller coaster so I hope you guys enjoyed that episode if you guys already haven't ran and followed Bailey what is your at so they cannot go follow you Bailey Grover you guys need to follow her she is freaking amazing and then you can follow the podcast at its cringe but it's true follow the show if you're not already and we will have Bailey on again don't you worry we already got plans for the next episode thanks so much for coming on of course I love you okay we'll see you guys next week bye guys

39:56spring just slid into your DMs grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner those sandals that can keep up with you and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up spring's calling Ross work your magic