Vault: The Friend Zone Trap: Guys Who Wait for Their Chance

0:00United Health Group is simplifying health care by investing in tools to help patients know more and pay less. These tools help patients find providers and compare costs and save hundreds of dollars annually. Learn more at unitedhealthgroup.com slash commitment. Finding great candidates to hire can be like, well, trying to find a needle in a haystack. Sure, you can post your job to some job board, but then all you can do is hope the right person comes along, which is why you should try Zip Recruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you. It finds them for you. It's powerful technology identifies people with the right experience and actively invites them to apply to your job. You get qualified candidates fast, so while other companies might deliver a lot of hey, Zip Recruiter finds you what you're looking for. The needle in the haystack. See why four out of five employers who post a job on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire, and right now you can try Zip Recruiter for

1:04free. That's right. Free at ziprecruiter.com slash zip. That ziprecruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. The virtue. I'm going to do something here that may be a little bit dangerous to you women listening right now. This came up over the weekend. I told you guys earlier I went to the opening of the Buckhead W and they had a great party there on Saturday night and a virtual listener, a guy came up to me and he's with a really attractive, I thought it was his girlfriend. You know how like you're around some people and you could sort of feel a chemistry and you just assume that they're a couple. Well, I'm talking to both of them and then she goes and talks to some other friends and he says to me, you guys brought something up on the show a couple of weeks ago. I got to talk to you about real quick. And I said, what's that? And he said, do you remember when you said something to the effect of like guys have this gear that women don't have to be in a relationship, a friend relationship with somebody, but you really have secrets or you have secret feelings for them. Right. You guys remember me telling you that? But you said guys will wait around

2:07forever as a friend for a long time, for a long time as a friend. He said he's in that situation right now and the girl that he was with, they have been boyfriend, not boyfriend girlfriend, just friends for years, like three years. And he has seen her go through ups and downs and relationships and stuff like that and realized about a year and a half ago he had feelings for her. But she's still in a relationship with another guy and he is holding on and waiting for the right opportunity to sort of let her know that I've been here for years and I want to be more than friends. Okay. And when I told you guys that guys have that gear, you said that's scary for women to hear because you want to believe that most of your guys and in a lot of cases, most of your guy friends are truly your guy friends. But I would like to hear from the guys that have done this because I really do believe that this is a gear that most women don't have, that this is an exclusively a guy thing that we can pretend and we will put on the face just so we can be close to you guys and wait and wait and wait and sort of hide those feelings until the time opens up

3:09to where we can tell you. Okay. I love you and I have loved you for two years. Usually that time comes at about one a.m. and usually fueled by Valken Red Bull. And it usually comes out as all one word of you. I'm sorry, what did you say? Hold on, close your mouth between words. And I wanted for the women too, like how long does it take for for you to realize you have feelings for him? You know what I'm saying? Does the slow build work? Or we could talk to the women that were friends with a guy for the longest. And then he finally told her, look, it's been six years or whatever. And I've just been pretending to be your friend. And it totally redefines your relationship at that point. So 404741 Q100. What's that? You can't go back. You can't go back. But we can't go back to being friends after he confesses feelings. But I've been that guy, man. And we will hold I've held on holding on holding on Diana Scott. Just remember pretending to be

4:09her friend. And she called me up talking about all these problems. She was having with her boyfriend. And I'd be there to confide in her and always trying to give her like good advice. Just knowing, please, please dump them. So maybe somehow some way I got a chance and holding on for like a year. Long. And then us looking back on that feel like you weren't giving real advice over that last year. It was just manipulated so that you could get away. Why would a guy do that? I was gated. Wasn't that smart? Just figured it would deteriorate by itself. Cause I don't think guys can do that. Good morning, Jennifer. You're on Q100. Hi. Good morning. Hi. Let's all know that girls do have that year. It's just that when the guys start dating someone else, that someone else will smell out the quote unquote friend and pointed out to the boyfriend say, Oh, no, you can't be friends with her anymore. She wants to be more than friends because the guys are just oblivious to it. That's a good point where if the girlfriend is being caddy with one of the guys,

5:12girlfriends, yeah, you know, they they suspect. I'm not going to bring up Wendy or Adam, but they suspect that, you know, there may be more there than just friendship. It's only friends between me and Adam. I swear. As far as you know, I hope so. That's what I'm saying. It's like you just never know. I don't want to know. If you have feelings, just keep them inside. I don't keep them inside. Hey, Katie. Good morning. That was a Southern. Is it come? Keep it inside. Adam. Hey, Katie. Hello. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm good. I was I was best friends with my husband for six years before we started dating. And I was dating other guys, who's dating other girls, who give each other at five. And finally one day I broke up with my boyfriend and I told him, he said, Oh, really? I said absolutely. And I could hear it in his voice on a new that I had him. I knew it. And then six years later, we got married and we're expecting a child. So, wow. So you were the one that held on? I both of us held on. I always knew it from the first time

6:13Adam that I was going to marry him. But I never told him because I wanted to I wanted to know him as a man, not, you know, just as in a relationship. Sure. What are we going to say, Melissa? No, I wouldn't you said I knew it as soon as I saw him. It just goes back to birds like, you know, how many times did you think that about other guys, but this time it worked out. So you never hear from those people. Right. 99 out of 100 times. I think a woman thinks that on the first date, and it doesn't work out, but you never tell your friends that. That's right. Good morning. Anthony, you're on Q 100. Hey guys, how's it going? Good. I run. I was a sophomore in high school and I was dating a girl and older brother was dating a junior in my school. And we both broke up with the brother and sister. And I got together with my girlfriend, brother's girlfriend. And we've been together for two years and she just went to college this year. Now I'm a senior in high school and we're still together and I'm going to that college next year. All right. So for two years, you held on. Yeah, I liked her for a, since I met her freshman year and I liked her

7:14while I had my girlfriend for a whole year. And me and her brother's girlfriend became really good friends. They broke up. Then I broke up with my girlfriend and we kept together. Wow. I need a flow. I can't figure that one out. I Q 100. How you doing? All right. How are you? Good. My current wife now and I were best friends for 12 years. And we were neighbors. She was married and we loved each other as friends. And she decided one day to ask me if we wanted to give it a shot. So we actually did. And she for a few years and actually just got married January, about seven. Was she married when she asked you if you wanted to give it a shot? No, that was over. Okay. Did she tell you though that she had always sort of had feelings for you but you couldn't do anything about it because she was married at the time? Yes. Yeah. And she actually was constantly

8:20trying to hook me up with her friends and it wound up. I have a wonderful life now. So it worked out. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And we are still best friends and we got married on the beach at sunset down in the Bahamas. Good for you. Congratulations. I'm sure her husband loves that story. Good morning, Steven. You're on Q 100. Hi. Hey, guys. How's it going? How long did I pretend to be in my best friend? We were actually met at work and I was married and she wasn't and then she got married. And as I was going through my divorce, I just sort of, you know, put some distance there and then she ended up getting divorced and then tracked me down. And we've been together for about two and a half years. Best friends. I mean, just it's worked out beautifully. You will hold those feelings as long as you can if you know it's going to be at the end of the rainbow. Good morning, Kyle. You'll be the last call on this. Hey, what's up, nice? Yeah, I used to date this

9:20girl about two years ago for about three months. And right when it first started getting serious, she kind of freaked out. And besides, she didn't want to be go out with me, but she still wanted to be friends. And so like the last year and a half or so, I've kind of just been sticking along as the best friend and I don't know what kind of fucks. You think she's going to come around? Uh, yeah, she says she loves me more than anything. Like, she has strong feelings for me, but she just said she don't think that she thinks I can do better than her, but I think, I don't know, I really love her. She's trying to be nice. That's an excuse right there. She's trying to be nice. Yeah, she is. But she has no problem spending my money, though, but uh, that's your problem. Yeah, that is my problem, but uh, I like your show, man. Keep going on this good show. Thanks. Do you feel like she's using you? Excuse me. Do you feel like she's using you and using

10:20the fact that you're into her to her advantage? Yeah, definitely. That's how I feel. I mean, I should tell me she's not doing that, but I don't know. Why don't you cut her off today? See how long she lasts? See how strong that friendship is? Tell her, you know what? No more cash for you. I mean, it's not that I give her cash. I just, I have a heart on telling and know her anything, but uh, yeah, I'll give that a try. I'll see how long I can last. She's leaching off of you right now, but you know it at least. Exactly. Okay. Appreciate it. All right, bye-bye. All right, bye. I feel better. I can't tell. No, I can't tell. What you say she must be really high. She must be really high. The bird show. Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words. When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated for Lauren even, like your efforts are futile. And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out

11:20how to fix all that. And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip. With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations because we find the right people for your roles fast, which is our absolute favorite F word. In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic. So whether you need to hire four, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zippercruder for free. Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip. Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip. Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words. When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated for Lauren even. Like your efforts are futile and you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that.

12:22And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip. With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations because we find the right people for your roles fast, which is our absolute favorite F word. In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic! So, whether you need to hire four, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zippercruder for free. Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip. Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip. Finding great candidates to hire can be like, well, trying to find a needle in a haystack. Sure, you can post your job to some job board, but then all you can do is hope the right person comes along, which is why you should try Zippercruder for free. At zippercruder.com slash zip. Zippercruder doesn't depend on candidates finding you. It finds them for you. It's powerful technology

13:23identifies people with the right experience and actively invites them to apply to your job. You get qualified candidates fast. So, while other companies might deliver a lot of hey, Zippercruder finds you what you're looking for. The needle in the haystack. See why four out of five employers who post a job on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Zippercruder, the smartest way to hire. And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free. That's right. Free at zippercruder.com slash zip. That zippercruder.com slash zip zippercruder.com slash zip.