Full Show PT 2: Friday, September 11 [Vault]

0:00the bird show um... so i ended up in a pool party yesterday my neighbor through a pool party for one of his friends who just became an american citizen okay she is from venezuela and she was so cute she's so excited to be like she's american now right but in conversation with her she was telling me that uh... they tell you that they can ask you like ten of a hundred questions about the united states all right in order for you to pass and become a citizen your naturalization test right so i wrote some of them down okay i want to run by you now remember this woman has been jockey to be an american now for years and years and years so let's see how you guys do let's see how you guys do based on your american history and time time to study like she did though i'll be when you went to school here while ago what you say these are ones that we all really should know and i will confess while i was um... downloading some of these i was only hit net about eighty percent

1:01and i gave you guys the toughest of the questions um... how many representatives when the are there in the house of representatives too many and there's two per state correct there's fifty states i'm gonna go with a hundred one hundred members of the house of representatives Melissa how many are there in the house of representative i agree with when he but you also have to include washington dc i think maybe no yes so i'm gonna go with a hundred and two jen great i don't know i really don't know do i have to give an answer this is the first one she hit me with you and i'm like okay i feel like it too when i'll take an answer one twenty one twenty jeff i think everybody here is answering for the senate there are two senators for every state i'm not mistaken i think they're four hundred and thirty five members of the house representative

2:01based on state populate there are four hundred thirty five in the house of rx call mr. dollar there are one hundred in uh... the senate and when the how long do we elect each senator four in order to get in the country you better know this you got to know this when the mhm six years six years correct oh you get to stay go one foot in you got one foot in molissa what do the stripes on the flag mean the original colony yes um... jen how many changes are amendments are there to the constitution thirteen jeff twenty six when do you twenty seven you just going when one bob when dollar bob i don't know that it that that's i felt the same way i don't know that i know that this is all that that's how to be trying to get that's it that's it that's it that's it that's it that's it that's it that's it

3:01i started singing you know god bless america um i don't know twenty one yeah the rest of us have to get on a starts women back to qv except when the uh... right twenty seven twenty seven i don't know that you should say oh i got it right you should say yep i knew that exactly there you go when do you become president of the united states if the president and the vice president should die the the speaker of the house speaker of the house is correct whoo billia history class that's not fair considering shoes in history year ago again these are all questions that you would have to get if you wanted to pass your naturalization uh... test in order to be in the country uh... jen which countries where our enemies during world war two uh... germany and you have to say racist terms for them you can't say that proper country and you have to say what your grandfather would have called them during war that's the way you answer the question

4:03uh... and i'm trying to think who was allas with germany uh... russia does it make sense i don't know i'm japan what are you doing japan yeah japan and italy also italy is what italy but i did i get the first to write uh... no no i'm not sure if our friend over a friend uh... molissa how many supreme court justices are there thirteen there are nine and i'm and i'm and i'm and i'm about and i'm and i'm and i'm what are the stars of the flag mean thirteen just getting the answers fed to him on i am from tracers tracers actually not doing very well uh... thank you for calling that out i know i'm just looking at his uh... over there computer open gimme a question little miss russia hate system world war japan order to stay in the country who is the main writer of the declaration

5:06of independence or not as easy to the computer closed and frank jenn hobby who was the main writer of the declaration of independence in order to stay in this country uh... going with thomas jeperson she says molissa who was the main writer of the declaration of independence i said thomas jeperson even though john hank cc was the last that's what i was thinking wendy i can occur with molissa and jenn thomas jeperson was the main writer of the declaration of independence and you know why john hank cc was biggest because he said he didn't want the king of england i have to look at his name with with his monocle he wanted to be able to see it without his monocles that's why did this huge don't pop off now you've been answering thirteen thirteen uh... uh... uh... question uh... what are ten amendments of the constitution called the um... the um... thirteen uh... thirteen

6:07uh... it's a simple answer and i want to uh... uh... uh... uh... molissa card of the first ten amendments the constitution are called uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... um... uh... in rich uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... um... uh... uh... the our The Americans couldn't name South American questions. They could answer those. Come on. We're gonna get her.

7:07Here we go, Melissa. The Americans! The Lisa! Can we 13? The men who died! They actually played this song after you get your citizenship. They played it for you in the office. There's a video of Barack Obama. And then they start playing this song. Down and up this line in my history teacher. 435 in the House of Representatives Wendy. I'm now in a learning that question. The Bert Show. The Bert Show. So I'm reading this morning and Jen hasn't hit this. I don't think yet in the entertainment bus. But Leona Lewis has just canceled her tour, right? Just canceled it. She broke up with Lou Al Shah Mama. Is her boyfriend? And she's just broken up. Man, you can't do this tour anymore. Her heart's just not in it. So she's canceling the tour. So essentially she's calling in sick because she is going through a breakup.

8:08This is my question for you guys. 187-7588-Bert or 2378. Is it okay to call in sick during a breakup? And if so, how long do you have? Is it one day? Is it two days? Is it week? Her tour. I mean, this thing was, I think we're talking a couple of weeks of concerts that she passed up because her heart just wasn't in it. So is it okay to not go to work because you're bummed out about a breakup? Yes or no? I think dudes are going to call up and go, no chance. And I think women are going to go, you got to give us a couple of days. You say that, but I came in after a breakup the very day. And then we had a male DJ that called in sick because of a breakup for how long? How long did it be? Almost a week. You used out a couple of days. Yeah. A couple of days. It just depends on how long you've been together. I lied to you guys in called in sick one day when I was getting divorced. And that's a different level there too. Calling in sick for a divorce for one day. I still think that's pretty noble. I just told you guys I was sick, but I just couldn't get out of bed.

9:09I think we probably all knew it. But that does feel a little different. Like if you're going through a divorce, I think you get a couple of days, right? I don't know. That's your question. But I think this, what we're doing is saying is like it brings out how long you've been together. But yeah, like breaking up with a boyfriend to me and breaking up with a husband, puts you in two different levels. What if it's a boyfriend you've been with for 10 years? Exactly. If you don't agree on it. A lot of people don't get married. Brooke, good morning. Good morning. Hi. Is it okay to break? Is it okay to just not show up calling sick after a breakup? Definitely not. Come on people. You get like a day. That's about it. Suck it up and get your booty in the office. I think crying in the office would be a lot worse. Just stay home a couple of days deal with what you got to deal with and then come back to work and do your work and focus on work. It depends on when the breakup happened. I wish I had called in that day. But I think if it's fresh that night and you have to, if you fought until two and three o'clock in the morning and got to be work that day, I think it's acceptable to call in that day.

10:12But just, I mean, but that's it. If you broke up Saturday night and you call in sick on Monday, then I don't agree with that. I can't find anybody that's actually saying it's okay. Everybody's calling for sale. And Leo, who's really castling a tour? I think that is, no, I think that's wrong. She canceled her whole tour because of it. Because if you call in sick one day, okay, it's one day that in a normal office, you may have a couple of people that depend on what you do and then you put them out. But Leo, I mean, that's a lot, all the people about the concert tickets, the promoters, the venues, everybody. I just think that's a response. People are trying to get her back together badly. Now does it, does it change your opinion at all knowing that she's been with this dude for 10 years? No. I think so. I think it's her excuse for not selling concert tickets if you ask me. Oh, really? And she's blaming on this guy to make him feel even worse. Yeah, that's right. Would it change your opinion if it wasn't a ticket sale problem, but 10 years she's been going out with this guy. She's got, let's say four weeks left. I would give her a week, you know, I'd give her a pass for a week.

11:13If she, you know, it was supposed to kick off the tour. She goes through this devastating breakup. She's got a postpone in a week and maybe reschedule those shows at the end and give herself a week to pull it together. Great. But the whole thing, it's a little much that you better call it the flu. And then what is she wrote all these songs about this dude though? I mean, you got to go through every concert for four weeks, say it's four week to her job. We say it. We say it. You're going to cry through the entire concert. Who wants to sit through a babbling concert with someone like the entire time? I would think that that's sort of the place where you know you have to keep it together. Like I'll be sad in three hours, but right now I have to entertain people. So you try to sort of compartmentalize that if you can. Hey, Karen, good morning. You're on the birch. Hey, I'm shocked. I'm shocked. I'm shocked. I guess it is. Good. How are you? Good. I think, oh, I just want to do a red light. I'm sure. I think I definitely think that breaking up like, I think it's okay to go into work the

12:13next day. I think you should have stuck it up and not worry about it. Okay. Thank you. The red light earlier. Yeah. Actually, first you were shocked. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry. That's just committing traffic violations. We could have sung that up in two seconds. Oh, one more. Here's Sarah. Good morning. You're on the birch. Good morning, Ariane. What's going on? I think it's absolutely okay to call and shake. Maybe like a day or two. People call and shake after something such as a hangover. And we're not allowed to call and shake after a breakup or a divorce. That's legit. You're physically ill if you're hungover. But you're physically ill. Yeah, but you're emotional. You intentionally, I mean, come on. What are you talking about? If you have a life altering event happen here, especially if it's out of your hands, you can't go into work. I mean, what if you're working in a financial place and you're talking about people that you're dealing with in a work in a professional environment? You're not able to do that because you are dealing with something that's potentially

13:15the divorce. I'm going through that right now. And my work wouldn't give me a day off if I begged for it. So what other choice do I have but to call and shake if I'm dealing with something here that's out of my hands? Yeah. Like if you're going to have surgery, would you want the doctor operating on you 24 hours after his girlfriend of 10 years just dumped him? No. You maybe want him to have his replacement colon. Yeah, maybe that maybe you should take 72 hours and just get your stuff. People are hard about it, man. The only one that would give any leeway at all was saying two days. Everybody else was like, get your ass in work. I don't know. I don't agree with hangover, you know, colon insect cranberry. Anything like that either. Well, he jackass hollip. Yeah, kidney transplant and Tuesday. And Tuesday and we're here on Wednesday. We're giving bleeding from the eyes and every damn I think set them up rarely calling and he gets mad at me too. He's just like, God, everybody else doing it. Why can't you call it? I'm like, I just I just can't do it. You set the bar very high when you came in here, kidney lists.

14:16The virtue. All right. So we said that this was going to be today is our go back to school day. Sort of. We wanted to feel adult back to school day. Adult back to school day. We wanted to feel what it was like again to go out and all get a new outfit, like get a new backpack and everything as adults. So we all did that yesterday. Yeah. I mean, we went close shopping was part of the entire thing. So I got to go close shopping and I went to forever 21 because I love that story. And I really good deals. And I sort of did a layer thing because everything that I'm wearing, you can like mix match and wear it different way the next time. So cool. I have like this cute little flower. First the toe. Cute little flower button up. So it's alongside button up. And then I have a tank top over that, which is kind of gray and blue. And then a blue card again over that. So kind of what's on the bottom? They're sitting so I can't see. Got straight leg jeans on and then the shoes. Five dollars. Shut up. Nice. I'm not even getting you Charlotte Ruse. Shoes were five dollars because they were on clearance. Shut up. I'm not even getting them. Nice job. I was really excited. Because literally I went to the cashier and I just like plop down three pairs of shoes.

15:18Handed her $20 bill and got changed back. Nice. Well, that's awesome. I'm on my face. There is a good feeling right there. I think mission accomplished. Like I think that's the excitement of buying a new outfit and then showing it off to all your friends the next day is really what we were looking at. I was super excited. And then I went to the store to get my school supplies. So I got all my school supplies. But instead of getting a lunch box because I went for the whole high school experience because I took a brown bag lunch, which by the way my mom made last night. They should have. She did. That's cool. It's nice. It was a true high school experience. So I never made my lunch at all. So got the brown bag at and I had money left over for my 2003 just in timber like bag. Nice. When you own this. Well done. It's like the cover of Rolling Stone magazine on the side of your book bag. Very nice. So it's just just in timber like and we didn't carry book bags in high school because it wasn't the cool thing to do to have a book bag. So we carried big bags and we always carry our binders. Like tote like bags. I tote like bags and then we put all our school supplies inside the binder.

16:21Very nice. I have all my stuff ready to go for school. No worries. And my dust in timber like. That's a very cool job. I want to go back to school well. Thanks. All of the pictures of all of our back to school outfits that we are wearing in today will be up online at theburtshow.com. So you can check them out there. Looks good Wendy. Looks great. Looks great. The Berkshow. The Berkshow. I need total honesty from women here for a second. Okay. I want to put you on the voice, Disguiser. Let me offer that up. Okay. I actually have two questions. One is at a genuine curiosity and the other one is a hunch. So I'm hanging out with some dudes this weekend. And one guy tells me a few weeks ago he ends up I'm going to sort of cloudy up some of the details just so I don't get him and her in trouble. They're at a bar. They're at a club or whatever and they meet each other for the very first time. He's with some friends. She's at the bar with some other friends and as sometimes happens the two groups just

17:22kind of come together. My friend in this girl they hit it off. They have some drinks. They're heading in the right direction. She starts to talk a little bit sexy, sexy, nothing thanks to him and is in his ear and he picks up on it. She says let's get out of here. He says okay, let's go. So they go back to his place. All right. Things go very well for him. Apparently very well for her also. And then she wants to go home. That's the end of the night. She didn't want to crash over this place or anything like that. So he drives her home. Drops her off. She was tipsy. He said he was fine but she was worse than he was but not like unconscious or anything. Just drop us. Drop us. Yeah. We're not to have a good time. We're not to have a good time. Consenting adults. Yes. Okay. So the following morning he drops her off in a couple of hours later. Like half a day later he texted. Had a great time last night or that was fantastic. Whatever it was. Right.

18:23She was waiting for a text message back. Nada. Nothing. It hits her again. Hey, just want to let you know that was wild. That was so much fun last night. Thanks so much. She's right. She writes. She texts back. I don't have a lot. I don't have any recollection of the night at all. Who is this? Oh, no. Oh boy. Denied. Denied. Denied. She was responding as her guilty conscience. Yes. Okay. So this was my question right here. Like. And I think we've heard this also. This excuse you can sort of just throw out the window to. I never do this. My first time doing this. Guys normally don't buy that. But when a woman after a one night stand says she doesn't remember it. Does she remember it? Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. She wasn't like passed out. Yeah. It was nothing like that. Let me give the phone number out. 1-877-588-Bert-V-E-R-T. 1-877-588-2378. So she remembered it but just felt so guilty about it that this decided that she was going to say she doesn't remember anything. Yes.

19:23It could be patchy. I mean, depending on how much they were drinking, you know, I mean, her memory could be in spurt. So there's, you know, something maybe conversation. She doesn't remember or whatever. But she remembers. I mean, yeah. It's mostly her guilty conscience talking. It is. And I'm sure every situation is different. And certainly there's been, you know, plenty of friends I knew in college that had been given roofies. Roofies were a big deal when I was in school. And so they definitely didn't remember what had happened. If that wasn't the case and she wasn't drugged for some reason, she remembers. She does remember. Okay. I would be willing to bet for Krispy Kreme Donuts and $14 cash that some women exaggerate their level of intoxication so they can do just that so that they can cancel it out the next one. That's a new, better question. Like I guarantee you the woman's like has two drinks at the bar but does the whole drink. And then when they do it, they go, it was so drunk. No, you weren't. He was telling us that she was wilding out, wilding out.

20:25And then she just not remember anything at all the next day. No, she remembers. And just because we're adults doesn't mean that we don't have those residual effects from all that crap that we were fed when we were young. You know, that's why we talk on the show all the time about how I just think, and I think in general, I've been on the same page about how we just hate the way that women are taught about their sexuality growing up and to be ashamed, to feel ashamed about it and if you have sex too much to feel ashamed about it. So as adults, women, they still have this little thing about their one-night stands and they don't want to claim it. Hey, Marric and Morning, you're on the Berkshire. Hi. Hi. I have been to the bar quite a few times and I've met people polish for like five minutes that were completely wasted. And the next morning or a few days, they remember me. That girl is just denying everything she doesn't want to admit to it. There's something she's hiding. Now, in a woman's mind now, because you guys have told us about the number game that you'll play in your mind also, if she claims that she doesn't remember, but she really does remember, does that go on one of her, no, the number side of, that's why she forgets

21:29about it. Does it add one? Well, it will change if two or three years down the road from now she can't remember her name. So you take them off your list if you can't remember the dudes name. Well, if you don't remember, you don't add the top of your head. I would say in some circles that might be a rule. That ain't right. Well, you say that, but then if a man knew how many women, how many men, women really had slept with, then we get all these labels. You get your own skin. You're a whore, you're a skank. You are all of you. You can't comment on one and then not on the other. You can't call the sluts and then, and then criticize us for lying about how many we've slept with, forgetting that we had that one might stand. Just attitude is right. You're all sluts unless you're sleeping with Jeff. But yeah, there's are horrible, horrible labels to put on women and then you wonder why we do the things we do. Hey, John, good morning. You're on the birch show. Hey, good morning, Birch. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. I gotta say, I definitely, definitely disagree. I believe that you do black out. I've blacked out on several occasions.

22:31I don't remember anything. When I woke up, I'm like, whoa, what happened? I believe her. I believe it does happen, especially with, yeah, your bombs. Now, after you black out, do you deny any sexual experience you had with a man the night before? Absolutely. There's the banner in development. Hey, I just wanted to get her groove on and I deal with the guy after the fact that maybe she just wanted one time and go and said, hey, I don't remember you because she doesn't want to talk to the dude ever again. She just wanted to get her piece and then, so, wow, that's it. Girls can do that too, guys can't just do the blow off thing. Girls blow off guys out the time just because they want. And then, that's it. And want peace after when she's back. We're okay with that. We're fine with that. I don't think guys are as fine with it as y'all say you are. But to say who is this, that's a little rude. Yeah. She was good. She said she was going to catapult her daughter right there. I mean, really. Hey, Mary, good morning. You're on the voice, guys, or hi. Good morning. Good morning.

23:31I totally don't remember more than I don't care remember. And I don't remember my number. Really? So y'all can, I have just never been so drunk where I didn't remember doing that. Only drunk? Yeah. Sorry, you saying on drugs? Well, I mean, there's been plenty of wild drinking nights that I just don't remember. Okay. I'm going to a club here that I remember there were steps going inside. Couldn't tell you where it was. What happened that night, but I know it was fine. That was club pre-prepian neighbors house. And this is my genuine question physiologically, a physiological question. Can you guys feel the next day if something happened down there or not? I would guess it depends on your partner. Yeah. I can tell you that women are remembering me weeks later. I'm a year later. Why you walking funny, honey? No, Jeff Dowler, I heard.

24:32Anybody that has a salad doesn't have the goods. I'm not selling them doing something. Hey, Lindsey, good morning. You're on the bird show, hi. Hello. So I want to tell them the list's point about the one that's there in the guilt thing. I haven't wanted to hear about two years ago. And now me and him are living together and we've been together for a year and a half now. And I still feel guilty that it's how we met. Oh, really? Yeah. Is so funny. I can't remind you of it. You what? Nothing. Does he remind you of that or is that just in your head? Yeah, constantly. He does. Constantly. Yeah, break up with him. I'll consider it. Just like I felt so guilty about my one-ice and I married him. I'm so bad. Hey, the bird show. The bird show. We need to thank everybody that was so cool to us in Nashville on Friday night. We had a blast up there, right? It was really cool. We get to go to I-106 and go to their first concert with Chris Salon and Miranda Cosgrove

25:35and meet a bunch of listeners and all the staff there at the radio station. It was really, really cool. Now, it's not like it is here in Atlanta when we go to Nashville because people don't know what's in Nashville yet. In fact, no one does. No, buddy. Because here it's unreal how the doors are flying for you. Right. I mean, I wouldn't say fly open, but generally because we've been doing this morning show in Atlanta for nine years. If we went to go in to see a band, the owner probably goes, hey, I know the bird show. Yeah, let's get them on in there and no problem. You know, just go ahead. Go on in. But we need to stroke somebody today. And I hope you remember the name of the band because they let us in for free and you promise that we would give them a chance to learn. No, the band never gave us permission. It was true. The owner of the venue. Who did it? The band. You never even asked him. Okay. What's the name of the venue? Mercy lounge in the Canary Ballroom. Thank you for that. Thank you to Drew at the Mercy Lounge because we wanted to go up and. That's a cool space. Yeah, I currently wanted to get a bomb.

26:37Don't say that. Don't say it, man. So we're like, we'll see what we can do for you. And the cast's like, sorry, man, the band's making their money off the door. And there was like, any of us, you know, because Jen had her own garage and stuff. So we all couldn't go up there. And I said, come on. We'll plug in on Monday. So thank you to the Mercy Lounge of all the places where I bought Icarly a Yeager bomb. The Mercy Lounge is my favorite. Don't say that. They have a dangerous step in that place. It's right. It's right. It's three feet from the bar. Right on the bar. So wait a minute. If you go there that if when you turn around after you do your shot or whatever and you think you're walking on even flooring, there's just a half step where you go down and four of us almost busted it. I think yes. I'm guilty. Yeah. I think Katie Joe and Bert, it looked like they were clogging your two stepping off the bar. And then I realized that that was actually a fault. When you guys were downstairs and Wendy and I ended up upstairs, I said, well, let's go.

27:37If they're waiting for a taxi, I said, let's go. We can stand outside and see when the taxi pulls up. So I start to walk and I make the step. And all of a sudden Wendy runs past me. And then I realized she did the, I missed steps. So let me run a couple steps because then it'll look like that's what I meant to do. So I just want to jog in place for a second. Yeah. It's done that a couple times in my lifetime. So it's a professional jog fall. Things got a little blurry for me at the at karma. I stumbled out of there to get a hot dog. First I went to the bathroom and I'm like, I'm starving. I'll just get one hot dog real quick on Broadway and then I'll go back up and I'll see everybody. And this happens to me. I am a nomadic drunk. And I get buzzed and I just start walking. So I never came back up to Carmen said goodbye to any of these guys. I just started stumbling the streets in Nashville. Katie called it. You're so germ. She said, well, now that it hurts on his sojourn, then we'll just go ahead and go. You're not a crusade. And as I said before, very comforted by looking at other people in the same shape I was

28:37in on Friday night that really couldn't negotiate the sidewalk. But where else did we go? Into the stage. The stage is where we had good time. Oh, we had a great time at the time. Did you try to start a clogging? Yes. That was the country bar. We hit the hot store before that and bought a bunch of cowboy hats. Which is right next door, right? Right next door. But in Jen's fiance put his cowboy hat on and she looked at him and she's like, check please. Sorry guys, we got to go. She was all wound up. I was ready to get a hot dog and go home. Indeed you were. Or go home and get a hot dog. You did it. You did it. You did it. You said it on the tee. I hit it off. I was wearing a cowboy hat too. So was I. Yeah. I was just becoming creepy. Melissa had a stellar night. Yes. I mean more guys hit on Melissa. That's right. And Melissa, if you're a new listener, Melissa dates. A date general. A date general.

29:38Yes, I'm a lesbian. And so I tease about how I mean, and I never was that girl that guys hit on all the time anyway. So it was just hilarious to me and to Katie who witnessed this because usually K. I mean, it's Katie's much harder than I am. So Katie's usually the one that gets hit on. We're here. We are in Nashville and I'm telling you and I'm not exaggerating 12 guys that evening. Literally aggressively came up to me and it was hilarious because every time it would happen, I would look at these guys and give them a look like there's another one. And there's another one. She was like keeping. She was so excited because it was so bizarre and I could not believe it. And I kept saying this is my town because I'm originally from the Nashville area. So it's seriously was like a running back after he crosses the goal line like her triumphant sort of spike. What? It never happens. It never happens in 12 guys and one night that never happens. So I thought it was hilarious. It was a fun time. It was a really great time. So we'll see you guys a financial soon enough, man. Get it. The virtue.