The Red Flags You Can't Ignore With A Prenup

0:00This is an I Heart podcast guaranteed human. What up this J Valentine co-host of the R&B money podcast alongside my brother R&B legend tank together We've built a space for artists executives and fans of R&B music to reminisce and tell the real stories behind the music. I have no money. I was hood famous. They think you're gonna get everybody out. We lived in a project and real love came out. They hear them music and we had nothing from Smokey Robinson to Mary J. Blige. V2K to Jill Scott. If you're a super dedicated R&B fan, this is where you belong. Listen to R&B money from the Black Effect podcast network on the I Heart radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, it's Bobby Beones. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday on our podcast lots to say with me, Bobby Beones and Matt Castle. You're in training camp and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. Suddenly everybody online says he should start over a week one. How do you handle this? You just go back out to practice the next day and we're firming this up.

1:02Listen to last to say with Bobby Beones and Matt Castle on the I Heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It's the US Open which means the tennis world is about to lose its mind and I'm here for every second of it. Join me, Renee Stubbs on the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast as I break it all down. The matches that matter, the drama that doesn't and the stories everyone's talking about. No cliches, no sugarcoating, just host analysts from someone who's actually been there. Coco, looking real good, her surf looks so much smoother than it has in the past. I was really happy to see you go back to what she looked like a couple of years ago and she was winning dominantly. Listen to the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast on the I Heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey there everybody, Amy Robock and TJ Holmes here from the Amy and TJ podcast. We're going to cover everything you need to know during this heated political season. Yes, we just saw Lindsey Graham the death of a long time senator. Also, we've got a couple of missing members of Congress. Also, we got a lot of members of Congress behaving badly.

2:04We got accusations, allegations flying all day long on Capitol Hill. Listen to Amy and TJ on the I Heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Hey guys, it's Kelly Kaloren, Ben Sino with I Do Hard To Work Here With Courtney Robertson and divorce a stellar divorce attorney Dennis Vitrono when we have some burning questions about prenups. Let's get started. What is some red flags you should look for? We're reviewing a print print up. Oh God. I mean, I think there can be any one of a number of different red flags in terms of prenups, but I think here's the most important things to keep in mind. Your situation, your situation,

3:04your relationship. Let's not even call it the prenup of the divorce or your assets. Your relationship is its own thing. It will be different from everyone else's. There will be similarities. Of course, you need to look at this prenup as a piece and extension of the building of your relationship. It is transparency. It is knowing what you can expect from each other moving forward. I think we're so hyper focused on the divorce and the money and who pays what? What do you expect from him or her and what does the other person expect from you? That's what it comes down to. So if they say, hey, I'm in software, I'm in tech, I'm a multi-multi-millionaire, I make plenty of money and we've decided together, not I'm telling you, not I want you to do, we've decided together that the other person's going to be a stay-home parent. Then you've got to know there's got to be transparency and there's got to be that expectancy for the what if. I think how people approach these terms in these prenups will speak volumes about

4:12who the person is at their core. I don't think it's really a place where you're making major judgments, but you can make a number of different observations and really just process what's going on here. We're always thinking, well, back up a little bit, I'll share a quote that my mother in law shared with my wife when she was dating before we met said, you should choose with your head not your heart. I know that's very difficult for people to focus on and it's always we always want the fairy tale and I get it, but sometimes actually most of the time from my perspective, choose with the things you know you need out of another person that you know you want and expect out of life and the prenup actually as you lay out what are your debts, what are your assets, what do you expect from the other person, what if we do this, what if we do that, what they're suggesting and all of those what ifs and all their background will tell you volumes about that person and then it'll

5:13help you say like you said, hey, you don't want to sign a prenup, okay, goodbye. It's not not where I want to be. Now that we talked about like, you know, all these emotions, well, I think let me let me just if you if you give me a second just to chat about the emotions, I think that's such an important piece of all of it. Thank you. It's all of it. So so people don't realize that as you go through life, you're growing and changing and evolving it, but when you go through a traumatic experience like a divorce, you know, it's funny, I've heard somebody I think it was a psychologist chair. They say that people are three degrees away from their normal baseline personality when they're going through a divorce. This is so helpful, Dennis. And so you got to like accept that. So if you're a little pissed off or you're a little out of the out of sorts or a little bit out of the ordinary, you just can't process things in the same way that you'd yeah, yeah, that's what's going to happen. That's what it's going to be. So so I think going through that, healing from that,

6:18learning who your new you is, accepting that new you, loving that new you, and feeling like that new you is enough such that you do not need someone else to fill a void. That is what will bring that, as you call it, lobster to you. That's what does it. It does it like, oh, let me see, can I find somebody is there dating's just do you, man? Naturally, organically, you will find the right person at the right time. If you even need the right person, and the emotional trauma and the financial trauma is what you were talking about. That is so unbelievably thick and very, very, very difficult to navigate. And, you know, I had no choice because I have two kids. I had to just move forward and provide for my children. Yeah, but it I'm not going to say it was easy. Everyone's like, oh, you just make it looks so easy. No, no, I'm it's make is the operative word. I make it

7:23look easy. It is not easy. Right. Make it tell you make it. I was crying in my closet. I was like, how am I going to do this? I was like, no, man, it's going to ever love me with my first husband. I was like, everyone thinks that I'm just a nobody. Then my second fiance, I'm like, now he's trying to exploit me like, I'm like, I can't get a break. And I know a lot of women feel like that. And when you have kids, sometimes you don't have the time to grief. I didn't. You don't have the time to cry in the way that you need to. You don't have time to process. You don't have because you're expected to suck it up, swallow it and and have a brave, brave face for your kids. And by the way, Dennis, if you if you don't just kind of like lock into your friends and family and say, I need help, I need to move forward. I need the strength. Let's go. I mean, this podcast really, really, really shifted my energy because I was talking to people like me. We were sharing stories. I felt

8:25comfortable saying I was so I was a mess. Hot mess. Express. That's me right now. I have no shame in my game. They were like, oh, you go to go to red carpets and you smile. I'm like, that doesn't mean I'm not like literally frying inside your hands are getting anxiety. You're talked about your sweaty palms. That's an F and J people don't realize that is a brand. You need to live your brand every day. And obviously I don't have the same level of notoriety that you do. But I mean, even for myself, like I need to live a brand every day. I live the companies. I live who I am my persona every single day. So I have to be really doubly certain about the way I'm dealing with people the way I show up and public that is a job. That is pressure. That is locked in focus. That's not enjoyment. And some people don't understand that because what we do is different. And so everybody has their own map of the world. Like what I do. What I love that you do. We all have our own map of

9:26the world. I love that you said it's a brand like we are a little bit not conventional. And that's why I like to try to, you know, not everybody's gonna understand, right? Like, so but Kelly, off with his head. You're writing shotgun with me. Hey there, everybody. Amy Robock and TJ Holmes here from the Amy and TJ podcast. We are your one stop shop for the biggest news making headlines of the day every day. And it starts with our morning run. Yes, go for a run with us. Maybe you can take us along when you're on your actual run outside. Or if you don't feel like going out still, you get what we're saying. It's our morning run. It's our daily news rundown of the top stories of a get you going before you even finish that first cup of coffee. Whether it's the latest information on the latest outbreak affecting your family's health updates on the Nancy Guthrie investigation or the killer mom trial out of

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11:27in a dead and job that I didn't enjoy. And feminist legend, Gloria Steinem. All of us were trying to express women's real lives. We need a meeting place of our own and if I can contribute to that, I'd like to maintain that and leave this house for that purpose. Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Michael and Perry Oli. I want to tell you about my new podcast Underground Zero. I'm on the screen. I need something to wrong. It's about what happened in the aftermath of the 9-11 attacks on the World Trade Center in New York. We're looking at the opportunity of a lifetime for us and the other families. While the world was mourning, five powerful New York families saw an opportunity that debris supposed to go to the city on salvage and some of it will. They would go on to make millions of dollars. What's in the tunnels? Go on bars, some of the ingots, it could be worth half a billion. And they would have made more if it hadn't been for one courageous cop. No dad,

12:28don't. You're going to need all of us. I'll call you when I can. Frank, be careful. Underground Zero, starring Steve Sharipa, Ray Abruzzo, and me, Michael and Perry Oli. Would you be willing to see your family go to pieces? Some ways it already has. Listen to Underground Zero on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Self-Case September is here, which means it's time to rethink what self-care actually means. Yes, self-care can be a long walk, it can be in everything shower, it can be putting your phone on Do Not Disturb, but sometimes it's actually about sitting with the uncomfortable stuff. And understanding your patterns, your boundaries, finally figuring out why you keep doing things that you swore you would never do again. I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s podcast. And each week we unpack the psychology behind the experiences that shape your 20s, from relationships and friendships to money, anxiety, confidence, attachment, just becoming more comfortable with who you are. Unlike the quarter-life crisis which is depicted as the collapse, the quarter-life reinvention is

13:33an encorse of something. When we develop the ability to be happy by ourselves, nobody else can take that from you. So this self-care September, don't just take care of yourself, get to know yourself as well. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. This is not a sexy thing to think about, but like what are the, what are the five things that you need to have ready to go when you're when you're going to put a prenup together? What we typically, yeah, I mean what we typically ask for at the outset is really just a network statement. So I really just want people to focus on like what are the assets that are out there that's trying to protect? What do they plan their future is going to be? What do they expect from this other person? And I think one thing, and again, I know I keep coming back to people are always looking at the end game with the prenup, but the prenup, if it's being done right,

14:33is an opportunity for you to get some insight into the other person. Not only the finances and the income and the credit score and all of those things, but also what can you expect from that person moving forward? And I think as you go through those things, the red flags that will come up is if what they're asking you for in the prenup is different than what they've said to you where you've talked about. So you say, hey, you know, I want to take care of you. I want you to stay home with the kids and that, but you don't get anything if we get divorced and I don't want to pitch out. Of course, I so and each and every one of those terms. So and if it, I mean, there's also just things that are just like not logical. So if it comes up with something like, hey, I just want to make sure if I'm if you find out that I did X or Y or Z that maybe there's something underlying that. You know, I want to agree to a note cheating clause. They could be cheating already. So I mean, again, if it's something, if you look at that prenup and it seems like it doesn't fit

15:36with what you expect from this person, your expectations with what you with who you believe they are and what you believe their behavior will be moving forward. I always say with relationships, your core values need to be aligned. I'm a big proponent of two people having their own lives, their own independence, their own sources of income, their own thing, and not just because I feel like it's it's good, you know, it will put them in a better position if somebody doesn't be child supporting up to file court orders and be able to support themselves. But for your own independence, you have to maintain your own person. You can't like, okay, when you get married, yes, now you're a married couple, of course, there's a married life, but there's also your independent self. There's also your own identity and there needs to be there needs to be the two. There needs to be the two. Well, I've been guilty of losing myself. Sorry to I'm just taking notes here because I'm old school. But so did I. I've been guilty of losing losing myself in

16:41relationships. And what I just heard, how I translated that is you got to you can't lose yourself. Yeah. You know, what's interesting is that when when you know, some people were very, very negative towards me about what I was doing and getting a divorce and you know, they're being negative. And I'm trying to like, you know, push this pot the positivity. But everybody goes through these things. Everyone's going through these emotions. And I'm just courting. I'd love that you're so open about how you feel. Well, I need my core people. I mean, I, but what I'm hearing you say, Kelly, there's an imaginary audience like everybody has their own shit going on, right? Yeah, you can lean on your people and they will be there for you. But I mean, we live in worlds where everybody has their own stuff going on. There's an imaginary audience. And I think that, you know, I can be Van Gogh and I can paint a picture in my mind of what is this person thinking about me?

17:41People magazine, I'm releasing a statement. And that's something Kelly, you and I can talk about offline. But I think if you're listening, you know, I am guilty of losing myself in romantic relationships. I've had them since I was 18. I'm 43. And Dennis, that's kind of what I, I mean, I have so many pages of notes here and I, I'm sorry if I was just so fired up today because I'm my first day without the kids. I've had them and you touched on that. I've had them for a week. Yeah. And I think now is the time and brief pockets of time to let's start off with not give a fuck what anybody else thinks about what they, you're really, you're really, and it's funny because I tell my wife this pretty often lately. I say, I'm turning 55 tomorrow. Oh my gosh. Happy. Oh my goodness. Your Virgo. I am. Happy birthday, Dennis. Thank you. So at 55, I tell my wife, but really anybody who will listen

18:47for that matter because I like to talk. So I have grown into who I am and I'm comfortable with who I am more than I ever have been in my entire life. So when I go into a room, no matter who it is, no matter where it is, no matter what it is, I don't worry about are they going to like me? I don't. I don't. I'm the guy that's going to go to a place where it's a black time. I'm going to say, I'll take a cheeseburger and I'll take a nice gold beer and if people don't like it, that's fine. That's fine. And I'll be on my phone watching the game. I keep my side of the street clean in that I try to be the best person I can be and everything else the chips are going to fall where they may. And I think as you go through the divorce process, it's really sage advice to say, not give an F what anyone else thinks, including sometimes your mom or your dad or your sister or your brother, you're living your own reality and you're doing the best you can. And for most, they're doing a pretty good job and they just don't know it. All right. Everybody, Kelly, I've loved connecting with

19:51you and Dennis. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, please rate, review, subscribe, maybe share it with a friend who might be going through something similar. Do you have questions about prenums? Maybe you need some advice. We want to help you out. So send us an email or leave a voice mail. All the info in the show notes. So follow us on social medias wherever you listen to shows. I do part two. And I heard podcasts where falling in love is the main objective. What up this J Valentine co-host of the R&B Money Podcast alongside my brother, R&B legend, tank together. We've built a space for artists, executives and fans of R&B music to reminisce and tell the real stories behind the music. I have no money. I was hood famous. They think you gonna get everybody out. We lived in a project and real love came out. They hear them music and

20:51we had nothing. From Smokey Robinson to Mary J. Blige, B2K to Jill Scott. If you're a super dedicated R&B fan, this is where you belong. Listen to R&B Money from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, it's Bobby Beones. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday. On our podcast, lots to say with me, Bobby Beones and Matt Castle. You're in training camp and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. Suddenly, everybody online says he should start over you week one. How do you handle this? You just go back out to practice the next day and we're firming this up. Listen to lots to say with Bobby Beones and Matt Castle on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It's the US Open, which means the tennis world is about to lose its mind. And I'm here for every second of it. Join me, Renee Stubbs on the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast as I break it all down. The matches that matter, the drama that doesn't and the stories everyone's talking about.

21:52No cliches, no sugarcoding, just host analysts from someone who's actually been there. Coco, looking real good, her serve looks so much smoother than it has in the past. I was really happy to see Yiga back to what she looked like a couple of years ago when she was winning dominantly. Listen to the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey there everybody, Amy Robock and TJ Holmes here from the Amy and TJ podcast. We're going to cover everything you need to know during this heated political season. Yes, we just saw Lindsey Graham, the death of a long time senator. Also, we've got a couple of missing members of Congress. Also, we got a lot of members of Congress behaving badly. We got accusations, allegations flying all day long on Capitol Hill. Listen to Amy and TJ on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.