Taylor Tomlinson Returns Again

0:00I'm Taylor Thompson and I feel... Gobsmacked about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Gobsmacked is good, right? My second choice was Flummoxed. I'm confused. I should have stuck with Gobsmacked. He's got called for fun. He was tormented by shy neighborhoods. Aber, who is he? Your bus CAER! Premier or what? I need a friend from amusement whereas Ken Hor evacuee is essential. Where are they? Okay, business wow, wow, she's out for the kill and Of course, Matt Gourley. Hello. We have exciting news, which is

1:00Sonia you have a book out I do a new book Mm-hmm second book second book this is incredible. Yeah, tell us about this book Well, my first book was called the World's Worst Assistance. Yes. Yes. I agree with the title. Yeah, I agree with everything you This holds yeah But that book was a big success and And really funny and cool now you're back for round two and tell us about this one. This one's called the World's Worst Mom Yes, so it's pretty much carrying on with the same theme of I don't know what I'm doing And but this time the stakes are higher. No offense, but the stakes are a lot higher Why do you think they're higher because they're like humans? I created as opposed to inheriting someone else's creation Monster yeah, okay, I understand that these are your progeny. Yes, these are your genetic bundles

2:00So you care about them more than my genetic bundles. Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. They're my genetic bundle There's a my kid that's what you call your kids. Yeah genetic bundle other genetic bundle We get along great. So what What is the process of Getting the word out on this book then well, you're not involved this time So like as in you didn't write the forward It's not about like my time working for you. So this is like the first time I've done anything that's just like me and Being a mom and stuff. It's very weird and very different and they've did their giant crowds And they start shouting worth Conan. Yeah, people get violent. Yeah, good Guess what that good that's me and the crowd by the way I put on fake mustaches and ladies bonnets Both at the same time. Yeah, let's go on I am bearded men. I but it's I do realize I don't like doing things without you If that's cool, I'm just gonna ride this well, we have a good time together. I'm gonna ride your coat tails forever

3:03Yes, but you've written a very I've read this book. It's really funny. Thank you and The artwork is great. That's tack. I know. Yeah, that's tack and the guy who helped me I did because I can't do social media stuff My friend Brad helped me with social media stuff because I need help from other people to do things But no, I mean this book took me two years to write when I first started writing it like I had my house and I lost my house Yeah, the whole process so it's been really it's been really fun It's like a fun documentation of my time as a mom and becoming a mom now Do you have to hit the road soon and start making appearances in different places? Yeah tonight I'm at Largo with Flanny. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah, yeah, Lori Kilmarton's gonna be there one of your old writers who also works with you on the Oscars Lori Kilmarton one of the best comedy writers. I know yeah, and she wrote a book called shitty mom That came out a few years ago. Oh, wow So she and I you're gonna have like a conversation at Largo then tomorrow. I'm in Seattle and I'm gonna see your father-in-law That's right. You're gonna see Jake Powell. Yeah

4:06Liza's dad who's an amazing human being and a mean Jazz guitarist really really yeah, he's really talented. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, so that's so cool Yeah, let me see I love Seattle. I'm gonna Seattle all the time. You're gonna live it there I know I'm and then I go to San Francisco well men low park and then I'm gonna see Veronica my best friend who lives out there And then I'm gonna go to San Diego and then that's it. That's my jam. That's my tour and we did so much time in San Diego With Comic Con. Oh, it's very met tech That's right. Yeah Comic Con. That's right. Oh my god. I've just created your life Okay, you really have I really have really well. I mean and remember a good way nobody life No, you're doing well But remember how you met Amanda at a I hate Conor Brian convention And that's the way I knew you but you remember yeah, there were like tens of thousands of people there It was that's things that thing is so back. It's I mean, it's so big now that you couldn't even meet anyone

5:09There's just too many people these are back in the like cool the cool days when it was really like cool to be hating Conan Now kind of everyone does so I don't know yeah that back then it was like really fringe it was it was it was cool to hate Yeah, yeah, I hate Conan before it was cool And so did Amanda Well congrats thanks. I'm proud of you. That's two books now. I know what's so it's book number three. I can't do this again How about there's so many words We're right on board an author All these words Type so many words to put them in the right order. Yeah, I remember Shakespeare said that All these words how go it's king Lear Oh Words it's like he's Hulk Words hurt Shakespeare's brain Shakespeare want to smash

6:11Well congrats. I'm happy for you and I'm gonna it's gonna be a great stalking stuffer. Okay. Yeah for a mom in your life I know a mom in my life. Yeah, yeah, I have both have a mom and a married to a mom Yeah, it's a lot being a mom is not not easy. I know I'm saying Looks like a piece of cake to me. I know I know as it I'd go off to work I'm when I came home everything was taken care of easy peasy. It can't be that hard if you got time to write a book about it Yeah, come on. Oh God Yeah, you should write a book your third book should be all the things that went wrong with your kids while you were writing the second book Just them wandering into traffic while you're in the background words words words All right, well congrats Congratulations, yes and worlds worst mom Run don't walk to your nearest bookstore or walk if it's safer. You should run No, you should walk to if it's just safer to walk sounds like pretty good mom advice maybe you learned a thing or two

7:14Yeah, very much. Yeah, worlds worse mom would say run with your eyes closed Yeah, nearest bookstore. It's really traffic. Yeah All right, let's do this my guest today is a hilarious comedian. I really admire her She has a fantastic new book out titled actually never mind which is out now It is a real joy for me when she stops by Taylor Thomas and welcome I don't know if I get the day I first met you you I was doing a tour with a bunch of standups and They told me oh Taylor Thomas is gonna come in and Because one person cycled out you came in to join us and You show up and they told me Taylors here. She's in rough shape. I don't know if you remember this, but you were really sick

8:15Really sick crazy to get on a jet with someone as important as you fully ill like this was pre-COVID so it was like back when you're supposed to push through stuff Yes, but in hindsight that was so disrespectful of me. I went in full palm Handshake Yeah, just like on death store like I'm gonna sit by the bathroom You were though you were the palest yeah, she was because you are you know beautiful light complexion, but you had you were You looked like a corpse. Yeah, it was tough. You weren't saying much Yeah, and you were like And I had not reached a point in my career where I could say no to anything right there was no like take care of yourself You know the longevity of your career is more important I was still at a place where it was like we don't know if you're gonna be around You still you still got a proof of yourself I could have said to you. I'm concerned

9:17I don't think you should go out there, but I didn't say that you should have said you should have left me on the tarmac Yeah, I'm very important and I can't get so hours after I met you my lungs collapse I had a fever of 140 which I'm told is a record No, but you were you know so funny because one of your Things that you've said about yourself as you've been doing stand up for such a long time And you've said that you just now think you're really getting good at it and I thought well, that's insane because I saw you toward with you So many years ago and you were phenomenal right away and I remember the time thinking she's a kid You're so young, but you were phenomenal right away. So the idea that you only now are Saying to yourself I think I'm getting the hang of this is fascinating Well the other thing about starting so young is people are impressed that you're young So that you kind of don't know like when I turned 30 people were like these straight up said me like oh you're a person now

10:21Yeah, oh, it's like you like you have to be good for real kind of right and when you're young You're like am I just good for my age like is is that sort of influencing people's opinion of how talented I may or may not be and Now I'm like firmly in my 30s and I'm like okay. I think I've I think I've I've done four specials I think I know what I'm doing and to then write a book which is something I've never done. Yeah, it was a real a real good way to bring yourself right back down to zero And really humble yourself and yeah, just you just kind of have to keep doing new things Yes, that you don't know if you're good at or not, I guess, but yeah, it's so funny. I was Was talking I was talking to someone the other day. I was like oh, I I was complaining about Being young all through my 20s like on stage off stage I was like oh, I'm so bad at being in my 20s and now I'm in my 30s and I'm like I'm not great at this either I might just be bad at being a person. I Thought it was the casing, but it's the meat Yeah

11:29Well, I do want you congratulate you because you have written this wonderful book called actually never mind and Also, I think of first on this podcast as Matt Gourley pointed out minutes before we started Everyone comes in and they bring a copy of their book and it's always the same thing It's just the cover because the book isn't ready yet And so I'm always like oh wow Al Pacino you wrote a book and he's like yeah, I wrote a book And I I open it up and inside it says you know I realize that it's a book about a woman's menstrual cycle That they've just taken any book My period But I'm always blown away by like what fucking book is inside this cover? But you actually got your shit together Taylor Well, those just came in this week and yeah the first like

12:30You know sort of unboxing video I had to do where I was like my book comes out was not my book It was just a cover on someone else's book Yep, and so you're kind of like hope no one can see me lying in the video that we're doing to promote this And then I did like a real unboxing and that's also just crazy to be like unboxing your book and Trying to have a genuine moment with your accomplishment, but also there's a ring light and you're like what's gonna clip the best? What how look look excited but also moved but also grateful? Yep, and and just kind of but also angles. Yeah, and it kind of ruins it The need to turn everything into content But it is important well There's so much to talk about here. I always like to start with ways in which maybe you and I can relate one is You spoke for many years about your big head. Yeah, I have a massive melon. That's why I love coming in here and

13:32And no, but this is someplace where we can bond because my head stuns people There's no other way you guys can bond This is a lot to me. Okay, nothing about going into comedy Yeah, comedy struggling with her mental health boring We've got giant giant craniums and I just you know and I think you like hanging with me if you do like hanging with me The only reason would be because my head makes you feel good about your head To be in a photo with you. I love to be in a photo with you for so many reasons Hero Because I had to normal side yeah It's this table segregated no, I tell my friends to lean back when we take photos. I'm not kidding I go with we selfie. I go. I need you to lean back a little come on. Yeah, just a little bit It's not it's not the most another area of intersection

14:33You were not a class clown. I was not a class clown There's an assumption that people like us. I was not a class clown because and I think you can relate to this Class clowns don't really care what the teacher thinks of them and they don't care if they get in trouble I was the exact opposite so I was so interested in comedy I love making my friends laugh, but to me that was something that was reserved for outside the classroom Oh, yeah, and and I always just sell people like no class clowns end up being killed in a motel shootout like That's what happens to class clowns the guy that's going like hey, I just set the clock back and hey teacher We're out of here And they all have that accent. It's going on Strange I you know, but if you go back a lot of my Comedy heroes you you investigate and know they were very quiet. Yeah So that was your story, right? Yes, but I'm surprised about you not being a class clown because you are so on

15:36seemingly all the time. Yeah, you know, even if on is just like very friendly and personable like you never seem to like shut down and You never seem to make anyone walk on eggshells around you. You know what I mean? Well Well, you know, seriously, what are you what you guys can be way in honestly? Normal heads talk when I'm a fighter giving him fodder for a bit. Yeah, oh, yeah In that way, I we walk on eggshell. Yeah, well I think he's the teacher now. There's nothing to worry about He comes here. There will be no cameras pointed no microphones and he's just making everybody laugh Yeah, right. It just he can't turn it off But I wasn't like that. I really did Separate in my mind when I was a kid. I was ambitious. I wanted to make something of myself and so I wasn't that person in A classroom, but what about it like PE? Well PE I got huge laughs unintentionally. It was not allowed again. I was like I'll catch the sphere

16:43Oh, Lacka day I've aired Yeah, I I Pants a lot. Did you get panced I can't see myself? I Didn't get to do there. I was late bloomers. So I did not get tall till you can't play someone wearing knickers When did you get you can tell they really walk on eggshells around me? I'm saying everyone seems very comfortable Yeah, they are they are but I but I think you're what you were referencing so is that if You reveal some slate Thing to me. I'll never forget it and I'll use it as a bit. Yeah And it's a little chilling. Yeah, or if we wear a shirt and we're like we're gonna be bold and wear this shirt today Like he'll yeah, yeah, yeah, make fun of us. You can't have any distinction when you know. Yeah No, no, I see movement. Yeah, I see movement and then I attack. I mean that sounds like middle school Yeah, it is if you wore anything people were like right

17:46Who do you think you are today? Yeah Um Another thing we share in common you the first time you got drunk was when you were 29. Yeah And and I was about to be 30 it was like pretty close to 30 also I was earlier than that but it's close like I did not I mean I mean I was in my mid to 26 I just didn't drink at all. Yeah for years and years and years and years and then out of college for a bunch of years And the people I was around like I'm my writing partner was Greg Daniel's his idea of a good time is You know, let's grill that broccoli a little And you drizzle double oil. Yes, just a little it's these salts. It's thicker. I ran with this crowd that when so we were like Mormons Predominantly Jewish Mormons And yeah, I was in marching band and high school I was in marching band and mock trial. Yeah, it was like play and marching man Clarenette and then trumpet wow. Yeah, stupid. I was bad. I faked my way through really every show

18:51You just wanted the uniform. I did I just wanted that wool Take on like no, I did I did band from like fifth to eighth grade because I had to my dad made me and then all by the time You get tonight great all your friends are in bands. You're like I guess I'm in band Forever unless I want to start over socially and I'm not good. Yeah, I'm only funny quietly sometimes So I can't go out there trying to make new friends right but yeah, I don't know. I was gonna Why don't you have a memoir yet? Uh, I've been asked to do it and I'm first number's not high enough for you. Nope. Just wait and hold now Waiting for a couple of people to die I've actually thought of calling my memoir. I waited till they died That's really good actually. Yeah That's really good. There goes the last one And here's the scoop No, I do want to write down

19:54Because I do have an insane I have an insane show business story Um, which is all about my how I got a show initially it's One of the most improbable show business stories of all time and people forget that and I think younger people just think That guy's been around forever and is you know it was just a crazy story how I got into it And so I will write it down I When you see people writing about your career though because I feel like a lot of people have written about your career Are you kind of like Just get wait, I'm gonna do it or are you do you ever read it do you ever I don't read a lot of stuff about myself Yeah, do you know no, no, I mean I don't but I'm far less significant and talented So I'm not it might be different wrong and comments nothing wrong and wrong don't that's just Whatever that's that you're crazy to humble you're very humble no no, I'm being honest There's no difference. There is nothing in me that's not in you and there's

20:59You don't look at these things because they don't serve you I really trust and love the people that I work with and I know they're gonna tell me When something's gone off the rails, but I don't go looking for it. Oh, we should have done that by now Not you All right, I'm talking about Adam Sack. Okay, and my account We live in a very It's a strange moment we're in right now where we're trying to figure out the internet and mankind has been around for hundreds of thousands of years and then in the last millisecond We suddenly know what everyone thinks And it's not even what they think it's what they're just putting out there So you could read through all your comments and the nastiest comment about you Would be by someone who doesn't really care even that much

21:59They just want to Get get likes on the comment. They want to get some traction Yeah, and then if you met that person and said did you write that about me? There's a really good chance that go like no, I just I mean, I really like your specials and yeah, you know So what's the point? Yeah, I also think after you put out enough things or or do enough things publicly You just learned that people will say the wrong thing to your face Meaning well, so you're like why would I go looking for mean comments when I can't even take a compliment From a person who cares about me right like after like after you host the Oscars Where was there like specific compliments you want on your performance do not care where their things people said that you like no I really wrong. I really care, but it's just always so uh And even when everything's overwhelmingly nice the thing I hear a lot I don't know if you've ever been around with me So no one I get this but I got it a lot for years was Women would say to me you're so much better looking in person

23:03And I would just thought it started to think Am I a monster? Am I like a ork You know am I this goblin But they really would act like that. I really thought you were funny despite your Your your face. Okay. No, but you know what I mean, but that's how you take it You take it. Yeah, but that's what I would hear is I would think And people would say how come you don't look this way on TV And I got in my head about it for a while, but that's everyone right like everybody looks better in person I think so yeah, I agree But also it's the way I don't know if your brain works like his does But you immediately go to like a negative. Yeah, I can take any I can Today's show was great. Well, what about the other shows? Yeah, that's a big thing And people do need to learn how to compliment without having the there be a Opposite version of it that you can read into because that that is a way of thing to say It's no it's you know You realize you've put yourself out there in this very personal way, which is there are so many things

24:03I never cared about that much. I just didn't care I think a lot about of being a great athlete people misunderstand yes It's called physical talent you need these physical abilities But there's another part of it, which I think is huge Which is you need to Care About where the ball is at any given moment and I didn't like I was like oh I guess it's going over that way Someone will get it Oh, it's coming my way. I'm supposed to do something like Well, okay, I don't think I have great physical skills, but I with that attitude I'm not going anywhere But the thing I cared about more than anything else was being funny And so that's where everything went so it was the meanest thing someone could say to you You're not funny or is it not that because you know you are it took a long time But I think more lately I it's been so shockingly late in my career But you know if someone said to me now like you're just not funny. I'd be like well

25:04I know people are that I seem to pay the rent right You know, I would have more of that attitude, but I didn't I wasn't able to do that one in 1993 1994 I feel like well, what do you think I could get better at yeah? No, that's how I feel to I'm just like well, I have stuff like I have evidence Some people think so it's more subjective. It's how I feel about it. Yeah And then certain but then all also I'll spend positive comments negatively like something lately that I've been spinning negatively is when people say You know, like the book or your specials like oh, you're so honest and I'm like But did you laugh but was it good? Yeah, like is it funny was it like as because to me honest is like easy But it's not easy for everybody to be honest. It's not easy to share things about yourself and Get deep and go deeper with people and so it's taking me a while to kind of accept that as a compliment Because my initial reaction is always like oh, you're saying honest because you are trying to think of something nice to say

26:07But you don't want to lie is how I initially took it. Isn't that interesting? We're we're horrible people I mean I'm I'm taking stock of the silence right now as everybody agrees with me Even as everyone's going honest as a rough one to get it like I'm even over analyzing The conversation I have about it. I'm gonna read a quote from your book Which says and what I love about You're writing is you you You pack so much into like a paragraph and this is from the opening of your book in the last ten years I have rebooted my whole system countless times. I thought I would graduate college and become a teacher I dropped out to pursue stand-up comedy. I thought I'd get married. I called off an engagement I thought I had anxiety that could be cured by the right exercise regimen and green smoothie recipe I got diagnosed with bipolar too. I thought I would never come out as queer. I fell in love with a woman I thought I could digest dairy. I cannot

27:09Everything you said here the only thing that angered me was that you cannot digest air that angered you It angered me because I think I think you're not trying hard enough And it's so upsetting because I look like I'm from Wisconsin. I have resting more cheese please face There are cheese companies that so want to put your face on the label I did an ad for yogurt during COVID. Yes, I know and during COVID I had to do like a socials ask where they're like you do have to take a bite of the yogurt and I was like That will mess me up and they're like well, it's Greek yogurt So it's easier to digest like oh you think I haven't tried every fucking yogurt You think I haven't I haven't turned every stone over to make sure It's I have I truly have tried and then once you stop having it you're like oh This is the normal amount of diarrhea the half Per year it's supposed to be weird. It's but you're supposed to get to the end of a day and be like

28:12I had diarrhea that was strange instead of get to the end of the day. It didn't happen you go whoa What's in the air when you're getting high fives because you didn't have diarrhea There's an issue there's an issue and I just thought well that's what happens You would get home mark cards on a diarrhea free day There's a lot there's so much there. I mean what I love about that paragraph is that so much of your book is in the paragraph You don't even have to finish the book. That's what's great about the paragraph I just said that paragraph you don't have to buy the book. Yeah, that's that's the whole book. Uh, it is um First of all, I I did not know you said you got diagnosed with bipolar 2. What is bipolar 2? It's I mean, it's just as opposed to bipolar 1. I don't know. Oh, I was like I mean, it's a mental illness like I was like this has been a narrative bipolar. Yeah. How deep do I gotta go? I mean the way I understand the way it's been explained to me is bipolar 1 is Mania as opposed to hypomania so you're going between

29:15depressive episodes and manic episodes But mania is more intense where usually it requires like hospitalization or like you think you're Speaking to God or people are following you or something like that and hypomania is more like you know reckless decision-making and behaviors and like all the increased energy and no sleep and all that but it's not quite as severe right um, so I think it's just the less intense version of bipolar 1. cue all the comments being like you explained that wrong I guess I was scared and talked about anything that I'm not an expert on which is everything I said Share you yeah anything except Gilmore girls. I'm like I misspoke The Gilmore girls you're confident Excuse me the gazebo Was on Elm Street and third To the center of town Cunnet but yeah I have this

30:16This is resonating with you I actually Talked to my daughter about it, but I say I think a lot of growing up and getting older in a good way is you finally Find your owner's manual and it doesn't mean you don't have issues But any great product to mean you can just an amazing product comes with an owner's manual And it's a lot of this can do it can chop dice carrots at 3000 revolutions a second Does this amazing thing you're flipping through it and then you get to the page where it says keep in mind here are the issues You need to you need to clean the blade constantly because if it's the steel that we use you need to do this has a tendency to overheat Don't put it in sunlight, you know, you know all those things and I think That for me and it sounds like it's the same thing for you a lot of it was just oh here's what I'm really good at Here's the stuff I have to watch out for and my tendencies and I'm familiar with my owner's manual just kind of how it feels to me. Yeah, and it feels to me like you

31:19had so much success Which to me feels like very early in your life But you have worked so hard you've had a lot of success But you also have a lot of stuff in your owner's manual that says look the Taylor Tomlinson is amazing And here are the things that you need to Watch out for need sleep can't have dairy needs, you know I Yeah prone to this prone to that and take care of those things But it's an amazing product But just hear the things that you need to be aware of and I think if more people Except that's one of the things about getting older that I like you know getting old is a gets a bad rap but I've been very pleasantly surprised at how much happier I am when I know oh I know what I'm doing right now Yeah, I'm doing the thing where I'm digging this hole even deeper when getting into a funk, you know and Uh, and you get a little distance on yeah, there's like an acceptance

32:20I think and I think your 20s or or at least my 20s were Just sort of untangling all the cords Yeah inside my brain and heart and going okay What am I working with here and what are the things that I'm gonna have to Work on the rest of my life or keep an eye on the rest of my life and It's like it's something I think about a lot with dating Where and I'm kind of talking about it on stage right now is like In my 30s now. I'm pretty I could argue Four or against me like I have a very accurate view of myself and I have a lot of things I'm confident about and a lot of things that I'm like yeah That'd be a deal breaker for me too if I was on the other side and sometimes they're the same thing like I Love that I'm a stand-up comedian. I love that I'm so honest on stage. I love that I have turned You know personal things about my life into relatable content I could also see why that would be

33:22Not attractive to somebody and I always thought that when I got to my 30s I would be just like so confident and so like I'm amazing now I'm encouraged this peak of who I am and actually it's just Accepting your strengths and weaknesses and going yeah, they coexist and that's fine Yeah, the right people are gonna love me and the wrong people won't and it's fine. Yeah, yeah That felt too sincere. No, that's actually on it. That's really good And then you had to Clip it right before I went I do have a question because we were talking about your Harvard commencement speech And which I listened to and it was great Um, but I was surprised that you hadn't done that yet. Yeah, that seems late. I know you did Class day which I get a class day in 2000 which I really like a long time ago to do class That's they had they took 26 years

34:24No, no, no, no It's I'm this is me criticizing Harvard. I was good. I was I just I just thought that was so crazy to make you wait so long to do the commencement like yeah I was like looking at the list and I'm like well. Yeah, of course you got to have the Obama's before Conan I get that but like they had Tom Hanks before you he didn't go there and they had Sasha and Melita before They had the unibomber before me Like was this key has done it twice Uh, was any part of you like guys I went here what's taking so long to be faired of them Okay, did the class day and I guess that that went really well and I thought I saw a lot of time has to go because he you can't and then Class day was like the audition for commencement No, but class day is the speech where uh, you're sort of it can be More comedic, you know um, and You know, there's I think it's as students it's more about the kids

35:29So they had me do that okay, and then I did something for them during um The pandemic during COVID That did something online for them because they said the kids are all bummed they have to leave they're having their virtual graduation So I yeah, I did that Yeah, and then some more time went by and they thought let's get that old fool back yeah Because I saw that come up and I go how many times does Conan done the Harvard commencement? Surely it's been three or four by now. It's a big I mean I can't understand like why should it wait and yeah, I'm putting you in a terrible position No, I understand what they do it because you you get like this It's a real it's a real honor to get to do that such an obvious choice for that though We're such a long time he did Dartmouth I know I do wonder if If like having done Dartmouth like they were like when we were gonna ask him but now we're gonna wait Well, he should have done it before Dartmouth asked Do you know what it Dartmouth? No no no Dartmouth. I did research. I was really I was

36:31Pissery I didn't think we'd be having this conversation You know Probably talk about the history of my commencement speeches I'm like how was it doing that overdo honor? You Take it shots. I didn't finish school. I don't care. I don't care what I'm doing so much better in person on the cut podcast And why did you have make you wait? Listen, I am a poster boy for good fortune and just happy it all went my way, but you're right They gave me way to Let's get back to you Let's get back to you because There's one other thing I want to bring up that you talk about that I totally agree with which is birthdays is an adult And how you're just totally against the idea of adults Making a big fuss about their birthday. Are you a big birthday person? Really birthday month Birth month and it's coming up and we all have to do her bidding when it's her birth month It goes on forever people

37:33You know I am no spring chicken and my sometimes friends will say to me like it's your birthday's coming up What are you gonna do? I'm like I'm gonna get closer to the grave I guess But I feel I'm not gonna put on a paper hat Like to me, it's just at the most if I can have dinner with my wife and a glass of wine and a good pizza I'm happy. Yeah, I try to work on my birthday, so I forget that it's happening now with the other perspective is What my here's my thought about it. It is an excuse to see people so it's not even like Buy me dinner. It's let's go to dinner because there's like I don't even have to mention It's birth month, but I'm celebrating For myself, but they should know They should know it's pretty but you're a bit of a tyrant about it. I'm not a tyrant I'm not a ty I do on the first of October my birthday is on the 13th I am I do text my friends and I'm like birth month. Everyone. What are we doing? And honestly, I think if you do care a lot about your birthday

38:36You do need to give your friends a heads up like that. I think that's very considerate But I don't expect them to pay for dinner. It's not like I'm just expecting all this free stuff I just want to see people that I haven't seen all year and it's a good excuse to see people and you're giving people the month To make plans with you. I think I actually that makes a lot of sense to me I thought it was like and son has this big blowout and it's always Wednesday at noon Right in the middle of the week when no one can come And she says if you don't come you hate me and I'll dox you online like that's what I was picturing during the tyrants No, no, but that seems okay That's how you represent here at our little company in our building we We've started to group birthdays. Yeah, so there's not a cake for each person eb weights and when it's usually about two and sometimes three people When their birthdays are all within about two weeks of each other then there's one cake. Yeah, and that makes singing the song complicated

39:37Is there no use name we're saying first sometimes I don't know the name at all. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry Like I'm supposed to know that person Happy birthday valued in ploy Happy birthday random blood bag Happy birthday to you That never goes over well I'm sorry. Oh, it's play that's his name play Hi, I'm sorry. I called you random blood bag earlier Um You talk a lot it was huge impact on your life about Your mom passing away. How old are you when she she was eight you were eight and you say That after your mom died you immediately started preparing for your own death. Is that true? Yeah, yeah I think so I think afterward and I didn't really put it together until I was a little older But apparently it's a very common fear When someone has a parent die young they assume they're gonna die at that same age or they're gonna die very young as well

40:40And so I had that fear I mean up until very recently and kind of still rears its ugly because I'm not 34 yet Which is when she passed and so yet is just this weird thing you live with um And when I started writing the book. I mean I pitched the book as like oh, it's gonna be personal essays about all the things I've changed my mind about because that's literally everything You can write about anything So when I started writing the book the way I did it is I just had I had scripted her open and I just made different chapters and Titled them by like subject and then I just wrote kind of everything that was significant about that subject And I was like what do people need to know about me To contextualize these other things I changed my mind about and I kind of worked backwards And I was like oh the two biggest things from my childhood that you need to know are like I grew up really religious But first and foremost and it's why I start the book with it is that my mother died very young and that I realized has

41:45Had such a ripple effect throughout the rest of my life and who I've become and the decisions I've made and the opinions I had and the way I approached big life decisions and and the things I thought I had to do and for better or worse, right? Like I talk about Pretty early on in the book I think about how my mom was like a really great writer and I have some of her writing in the book because she kept journals her whole life And it was like this way of publishing her and It was so cool to have editors Be like wow your mom was this amazing writer. That's so wonderful And I I just feel like I have scraps of Not just her but my dad's talent as well as like a performer and neither of them became performers or writers they became parents and Not that you can't be both, but that was their path and my dad taught and my mom was a stay-home mom and so I have spent my whole life sort of feeling like okay, I have to make the most of the

42:46the scraps of these gifts that these two very talented people have and I think I've stretched them pretty far I've done a lot with a little bit But it really is like even down to like I talk about calling off an engagement in the book and realizing through that process like oh, I wanted to get married for Reasons other than oh, I really love this person like I was trying to get married really fast because I wanted My mom's side of the family to know that I was still like Maybe I didn't necessarily wasn't the perfect Christian or anything, but look I'm married and I'm doing that correctly and my parents got married young and so I feel like I should get married young and like all these different things that all of it can be traced back to losing her or growing up idolizing her and wanting to be more like her or feeling insecure about the fact that I wasn't like her because my mom was such a charismatic sparkly like beautiful woman and it's just I'd like I don't look like her like I really don't have I don't have that magical quality that she had and

43:54so I feel that it's just such a waste that she's not here anymore that if I have any bit of it, I'm like why have to I was watching David Cideris on Anderson Cooper's podcast and he was talking about how he in writing about his mother um because they were talking about how his mother died that he felt like it was his job to make the world love his mother as much as he loved her and that he felt like she deserved the world love and that's really how I feel about putting my mom in the book and the cover you were asking about it when we sat down and I gave you it the photo is actually a recreation of if you look at the dedication um it's a photo that I talk about in the book of my mom sitting in the airport and it's on the dedication page um because I dedicate the book to her and so from like the very beginning of the process I was like oh well I would love it if the cover was a recreation of that photo and so that was like my initial idea and we went through a lot of different versions of the cover wow look but that's what I so that's your mom that's my mom yeah was just yeah she looks like

44:58great I think she's going on like a speech and debate competition tournament in college like she's she's much younger than me and then the cover is also like we had an amazing photographer seller Shaloni but this photo specifically they got picked is a Polaroid My Sibling took at the shoot oh wow yes isn't that crazy so it's like really kind of amazing how it all came together um I went on such a long time sorry do you talk about that we'll tighten that up we're not tightening anything on we'll tighten that up in post we can't afford that we're gonna lose it we want to edit you but we're gonna look it we're gonna add longer pauses we're gonna put some air in there yeah we're gonna add some sniffles some coyote sounds here in there we're gonna add a few who's still going in the background yeah just muttering uh not what time is it you just gonna hear sooner go

45:58about my birthday month is coming it is it is you're right September you talk about how you kind of feel like you're performing for not just your mom but your dad too like you're yeah which which you know my parents passed away about a year and a half ago but I remember before they died I remembered uh thinking well I still do comedy after my parents are gone because yeah that's kind of the only reason there's a very primal reason you do it which is you're in your chit-chair yeah my mom said I got a big laugh like in my high chair and uh my mom laughed really hard and her brother my uncle said don't laugh he'll think he's a comedian and that was like in whatever 1964 or 65 that's a real good energy by the way don't laugh at him he'll think he's something um you believe it's so my no but you get that it's I do think at the end

47:03of the day we're a still I don't care you could be 95 years old you're still trying to impress your parents yeah it's yeah and I mean I talk a lot about my siblings in the book and I have three younger siblings and I'm really trying to impress them all the time yeah and younger siblings are I mean we're all very very close but they're so great because they really support me believe in me are excited for me and they also know me so well that they can roll their eyes at me at the right moments too and you're being a lot like here's come on you are you are a lot and I am a lot and also they can go hey slow down and enjoy this because this is cool so they I think they keep me very grounded in a way that is just like I'm so grateful for it because I think it's it's so special so yeah I keep thinking of other questions I want to ask you but they're nothing to do with my book and my publishers will be mad if I'm just like so toy story five why did they wait so long to ask yeah why not first toy story or toy story two or three

48:09and that is bullshit as a matter of fact I know I actually do have questions about that because toy story is very important to me I love toy story okay and I so when they asked you to do it was it like no brainer of course you're gonna do that or were you like let me look at my schedule like are you kidding well they came to this building and I and they came in person they came in yes all the toys what do you mean by what do you buzz came um the dinosaur was rude oh you would never but we we um they said they they came up they went and they went up to my office which is not big it's just we're sort of in like a kind of a house here we get it you're a man of the people coming in it's a small it's a small office it's a very small and I was just happy to be asked to do I had a little candle and I took them a staircase and there's a mouse at the top of the stairs I gave him a little piece of cheese so we went on my office and they they

49:12they laid out what the story was and it's toy story five and here's your part and then at the end they went so what do you think and I went what do you mean what do I think it's toy story I like that they they properly pitched you know they pitched me but I thought you don't need to pitch me you just have to say you know you play a urinal cake and toy story five and I'll be like yes okay it's just yes and but yeah it was a big part I mean yeah it was bigger than I thought yeah it was not a cameo it was a roll yeah it was really fun to do come on roll come on guys no that's right that was dumb that was dumb cut it no cut it please no loop it loop it loop it loop it and move it up we're gonna open with that so Taylor congratulations on the book yeah yeah what are you toy story I roll I roll I roll I roll I roll I roll I roll I roll I roll I roll I roll that's my rap sound have you been have you been happy with the reception to your character I listened to the I listened

50:12to the joky one where you're like and it's about this and I should get a cut of the merch and I know you're doing a bit but like genuinely people seem real happy mostly I just love it when kids are happy yeah yeah kids were laughing a lot so I think I think if you can make a kid laugh that's still I mean I I know that there are a lot of humorists and people with a satirist and I think I'm a clown I I if I could make a kid laugh that is my biggest joy my daughter loved it and I forgot to tell you this you know when she came in when we did our summer spouses thing and we left I said well what did you think did you like that place what about my boss and she goes does that man live there my boys are just discovering that you're funny and they're just like he's funny and I'm like yeah you made a whole career out of it yeah they don't know that you know to you to them you're just the voice of smarty pants yeah it was fun it was fun that because when I went to when I saw it for the first time and it was an insane experience because they invited us all

51:15to this premiere and then Taylor Swift yeah is it the premiere and suddenly I'm chatting with her and getting my picture taken and I'm like that's crazy because I didn't realize she was going to be there and then I'm watching it with your boys and the only time I became enrages when they both said they they separately needed to use the bathroom at different times minute support you were in the middle of the aisle I walked in front of Conan and Tim Allen to take them to the bathroom then I come back in the other one a few minutes later is like I have to go to the bathroom like I don't know during your part of the movie during the whole movie there was just like the movie was happening and they just both needed to go at different times yeah I thought you're gonna say I was during your scenes oh I'm sure they missed some of my they missed some personal yeah it was my because they had the you know and Tim Allen was furious he had a stick and he was trying to hit them remember yeah yeah yeah he talks about the giant stick and swings it kids it's not a cane he's

52:16not holding himself up it's a weapon it's a stick it in no way aids his mobility specifically for poking kids all right we're gonna have to wrap this up because we've gone to epic lengths here today and I'll tell you why because yeah sorry that's the right because you are you are an absolute delight you really are you know that and I am you know I say this sometimes to much younger performers like yourself and I just say I'm really proud of you because you are such a good person and you've been dealt a lot and you've handled it beautifully and you've written this beautiful book and I'm just delighted to know you Taylor seriously that's really nice thank you and it just keep you know mom dad they are proud of you you've done an amazing amazing job and just keep doing what you're doing and take care of yourself that's so nice thank you and I have been dealt a lot and one of the things I have been dealt as we've talked about before is when I went on tour with you you made me choose between two American girl dolls yeah I did

53:19and told me the other would be melted down yeah I said it would be killed you said it would be killed and you didn't kill it and that was nice and but that was pretty formative for me because I was an up-and-coming comic again you're one of my comedy heroes I'm being put on the spot and you know I'm gonna giant tour bus in Chicago in Chicago and we pulled over I know we talked about this once before but pulled over and and we got these two American because you said you never got one so we got two of them and then I made you choose and set the other one would be killed you did it so she's choked and I didn't I didn't and I didn't have American girl money back then but I'm doing pretty well now okay so what I thought that made me today we make you choose an American girl doll and what happens to the one I don't choose wouldn't you like to know well I got orange it's so now when she was eight oh my god it what so that that doesn't seem like frisier will she stand on her own somehow more me than you I love this you can get acquainted

54:28okay and I brought you their books because I know you have a reddough um I love how there's a back story to these yes there's there's a series of books okay this is these are the first of kirsten and Molly this is Molly this is kirsten oh gee one yes these are oh gee are oh gee American girl I remember these yes yeah I remember I very vividly remember Molly yes me too Molly was just this this tablo right now is just disturbing which will I choose and we we had to assemble I mean they came like Molly didn't have her glasses on when they came in the box oh man and the way my sibling and I freaked out when we thought she came without glasses they were in a little case we opened it we go what no we can't take her in without our glasses we were furious but then we found it and it's okay that's a good idea you got on the phone and it was recorded and you were screaming profanity an American girl call center what the fuck so this is the

55:36first the first book is meet kirsten okay and she just made a dangerous journey on a small ship from Sweden in 1854 to make a new life in America and so that's her and that you you will never forget it was 1854 because she comes with a little thing her her accessory she comes with we're a bonnet this little 1854 thing and a wooden spoon which I thought was strange yeah because she's not she's carrying flowers on the front of the book what a journey it took it was incredible we thought that was an interesting choice and then Molly yes but when was Molly is what's very funny about the back of Molly's book we're reading it today is and it's on the website as well is it's in 1944 and the world is at war oh yes my girl and the first half is about how terrible it is and then it's about Molly's homemade Halloween costume is a huge success until her pesky little brother plays a mean trick and you're like wow they really went

56:41from the world is at war to Molly's costume needs to be done where is she living while the world is at war that would be an important detail American girl yeah so American girl yeah not in the tunnels of it doesn't say it on the back I should have looked that up I did I do have it somewhere well she's got it saw I mean she's she's she's I live in a good life she's not living in Berlin you can tell I mean she's I know she makes a perfect no she does I think she's more she's more norm I don't know I'm no what ends were done by a survey okay I have my answer you already know yeah oh I knew oh this is what made me like Molly she's not very good at math yeah like god this is me dislikes turnups and is afraid to swim underwater okay so that's Molly for you guess what this is a really tough choice can we guess who you're gonna choose yes I would love to know he's choosing no because then you're gonna be a contrarian no he's thinking he's he relates to

57:43yeah but she's a war to maybe can I say something yeah it's so clear listen you've tied a long journey and you've got and you've got a wooden spoon but that's not a fun you know toy you know what I mean it's just no no it's not it's not I have a wooden spoon I don't care her description is like she's burdened by helping her mother and where does she where does she come from she comes from you come from Sweden why did you leave Sweden you know you guys make just incredible stuff you've got a beautiful country you get to bike anywhere you want why is he talking to it it's unbelievable you're like I've got to get out of this shit hall and go to America with my spoon you fucked up yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah she's got glasses she's the best accessory she's got this is great and look her purse very smart little purse she can keep things

58:46in there she's just the right age to be the bad seat yeah exactly well they're all nine okay they all start nine yeah looked it up they're born nine they're born and win I'm winning I'm actually fantastic born in San Francisco she's gonna what's that I was like I lied I was born in San Francisco in 1984 to some Republican please matching Kirsten oh my gosh that's so good I have the boxes to if anyone wants to put them in a box and take them to a kid well no I'm getting this work okay it's 2026 I don't know how she daughters yeah yeah no I'm sorry this Molly lives here for the rest of her days she's gotta be in the studio in the corner territory style wherever I'm talking to she's way back here she scuttles along the seal it is her

59:46red it's her she's gottles on the ceiling yeah one per episode she just goes along oh I also just be talking to someone and having a really intense conversation and then just comes up in the background can she do the rapid out motion with her yeah yeah yeah um you know what thank you and what's the name do you still have your dollar did you shred it Samantha okay did I shred it she had she had an American girl shred it she had an American girl shredder they make though I did I said oh my god thank you so much Conan then they took the cameras down I went all right well what am I favorite do us that good for you my favorite remotes that I ever did that people talked to me about all the time American girl doll store where I where I got drunk on white wine and my daughter does it be this insane fascist yeah I swear to god I look at that and I know that I I really am talking to the doll I know I'm not even doing a bit at that moment

1:00:53when things got weird I really the doll would took over yeah and I don't know what else to say it was real um all right actually never mind amazing Taylor Thomson incredible please come back soon come see us anytime and I'm really happy for you thank you for having me back this was so nice of you to have me back on for this really we liked yeah Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien Sonom of Sessian and Mac Gourley produced by me Mac Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs Jeff Ross and Nick Liao theme song by the white stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vivina take it away Jimmy our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns additional production support by Mars Melnick talent booking by Paul Davis Gina Batista and Britt Con you can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might

1:01:56find your review read on a future episode got a question for Conan call the team Coco hotline at 669 587 2847 and leave a message it too could be featured on a future episode you can also get three free months of serious XM when you sign up at seriousxm.com slash Conan and if you haven't already please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded