Comedy Crimes with Andy Daly

0:00Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamkoko.com slash callkonan. Okay, let's get started. Hey, Peter, welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan. How are you? We're great, Peter. I want to get right into this because you are from Framingham, Massachusetts, which is not far from where I grew up in, you know, Brookline, Massachusetts. And where are you right at this moment? At this moment, I'm in Framingham. Are you in Framingham? Yeah. Okay. I office slash playroom. Okay, cool. And this is real quick. We have someone special here with us today. Yeah, he's very special. Do you? Do you mean? Yes, it is you. Please introduce our friend. Well, Andy Daly, who was on the podcast, is joining us as well for this fan episode. So Peter, meet Andy. Hello, Peter. Hello, Andy. Pretty incredible to meet all three of you. This is great.

1:00Big fan of all three, including a review I watched when that came out. I loved that. Oh, Konan loves this. Konan loves a compliment for me. Keep going, Peter. Keep going. What else? Did you happen to see Yogi Bear, the motion picture? That was in 3D. No, I'm in rage by... I am in rage by anyone getting a compliment, even my children, but, but not Andy Daly, who is a true genius. But I am fascinated. Yes, I'm very happy that Andy's joining us. But you, sir, work for the DNA Innocence Project and this fascinates me because I want to get away with the perfect murder one day, one day very soon. And this involves you, Andy. Is that what you think of when you hear the DNA Innocence Project? Yes. How can you get away with the perfect murder? Yes. This is no more work, Konan. I know they're helping people in blah, blah, blah, blah.

2:02I've got to get away with the perfect murder. Doesn't you just say you want to get away with the perfect murder? I mean, you're never going to get away with the perfect murder. I'm trusting that no one's listening right now. Well, that's fair. Okay, well, Peter, let's get serious for a second. This is incredible work that you do. Tell us a little bit about it. Obviously, this is science-based, but there's also the law. Are you a practicing lawyer as well? Yes. Yeah. So that's what I, it's the, it's actually the public defender's office innocence program for the statewide instance program. So I'm a DNA litigator essentially. I'm kind of focused on DNA, but there are a few other attorneys, including the director of the program who focus on everything having to do with a wrongful conviction, including police misconduct, eyewitness, bad eyewitness testimony, stuff like that. But my focus is, is DNA and trying to get DNA testing to prove innocence.

3:05I mean, DNA is, and the science of DNA, DNA detection is really a godsend because we're able to now solve these crimes and prove people innocent when that wasn't possible 25 years ago. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's really incredible how far it's come. It just even in the last 10 years, they've made a lot, but yeah, there's, there's a lot of, there are a lot of cases that are from the 80s, 90s that, you know, people have been incarcerated for 30 years, 40 years. And thanks to DNA, the discriminating power of like figuring out that one person that it is or isn't, it's pretty incredible that we're able to test those things now and get somebody out. I think if you, if you did not commit a murder, you should not go to jail for it, right? And you should be let out of jail for the murder that you didn't commit it, but I'm not so sure. Wait a minute.

4:06Wait a minute. Bulldog. That's insane. In my opinion, if you've been in jail, someone's got to be in prison, but this is what I'm saying. I mean, that's space that we have built for people to be in prison. You got to put someone in there. I absolutely agree with it. Where do they did or did it into it? No, but I say the opposite. I disagree. If you've been in jail for like 40 years for committing a murder and then it turns out you didn't do it. I, in my opinion, they should let you out of jail. However, another bold take, I don't think necessarily the person who did do it should, I mean, if you get away with something for like 40 years, they should be able to, you know, kind of on the back of the second, congratulations. You think statute of limitations on murder. It's more than that. You're actually saying like you deserve something for your whiliness or something. I think so. Oh, so not just, it's like a reward. Not just you don't, not just you don't go to prison, but you also get a new car. A new car would be great. I mean, anybody could use it. But I think some kind of acknowledgement that you are the top, you're in the top echelon of smart people in our, in our world that you got to wait with a murder for 40 years.

5:09You lock somebody like that up. No, I, I think you bring up a very bad point. Um, but, but this is, I mean, it really is incredible. I admit it. What? Spoken like someone who's gotten away with murder for a long time. That's true. I'm just saying, if you like killed somebody in college, whatever, just because a bunch of guys were out and it seemed like a fun thing to do. If all these years later, you're 55 years old, you have a family, you're working, you're working, you're working comedy, you're working comedy or whatever. And a new car would be great. Anyone could use it. Um, Peter, did you ever think the Innocence project could be so funny? I mean, this is the important thing. Um, it's just good times. Good to laugh. Lapse are the cure for everything. Um, okay. Well, so here's the question.

6:10What are the best ways? Because I do want to get some real information and then back to your idiocy, uh, Andy. Um, but the best ways to, uh, what are the best sources of DNA? Is it saliva? Is it blood? Is it semen? Uh, is it hair? What are the best ones? Is it DNA? Well, uh, yeah, just DNA in a bottle. Yeah. Yeah. The very best that maybe because it just stays around so long as it's bone, but that's not what we really see in our work for like what we'll see in a case. Usually it's going to be blood, uh, semen. Those are probably hair now. Uh, that's kind of more recent as far as people don't leave behind bone at the scene of a crime. That's, you know, I love, I love a guy who's back from a crime and he's really smart. He's like, well, it's perfect murder. Well, damn it. Where's my tibia? I have to sneak back in and get my tibia. He modified it.

7:10I need to limp back in and put my tibia back in this leg bone sack. You're telling me the bone man killer leaves one of his bones in every murder scene? How is this man walking around? So wait a minute. You can, I didn't realize bone was such a good, uh, source of DNA for how long if you, would you prove that like a triceratops killed a stegosaurus? At what point can you find the bone, but there's no DNA? Uh, that's a good question. I don't know the answer to that. Do you agree with me that it would be pointless to put that triceratops in jail at this point? And, and that triceratops, that triceratops should get a car. Yes. It's actually made car. Hey, that triceratops is chewing around that new Nissan leaf. Well, you haven't heard about him. Uh, we're idiots and we apologize, but at the same time, we're doing what we do. And these are the murders we commit. These are comedy crimes.

8:12But we're right to commit a crime. It's almost impossible not to shed something. I've got a lot of hair, rather distinctive hair. Um, it's very hard not to shed some DNA, maybe even impossible, because aren't we shedding skin cells all the time? I don't know. I am. Yeah. That was a sexual confrontation and it doesn't be cute. He's so proud of the skin cells. Yeah. How is the party pretty good and pretty sure I left some dead skin there? What do you think conception is? I'm sorry. Uh, Peter, please continue. I mean, isn't it kind of impossible not to leave some DNA? Yeah, I mean, like you said, shedding so skin cells, if you touch any DNA, if you're going to have anything, you're going to leave some touch DNA, some skin cells back there wherever you're touching, you're going to, hair is going to fall out saliva. If you're talking, um, you know, that could come out of there. I just had an idea. I would have myself laminated before I committed a murder.

9:13If I didn't do one of those laminating machines that does business cards and stuff, so you leave no DNA, but a guy walks into a building who's completely laminating, completely laminating. I'd expect to get away with it. Shuffle hops in. There might be a little loud. Can I come in please? No. Could you kill yourself? Police? I can't move my hands. Uh, yeah, we're just shedding stuff all the time. It's incredible. It's incredible. No, it's true. We just can't, uh, you know, and the other thing is, um, I guess a big problem is you, the police come to a crime scene and they leave their own DNA. They're eating their donuts and they're, you know, walking around with their nightsticks and saying, move it along now, move it along. So they contaminated scene. So you have to make sure you, you, that their DNA doesn't mess stuff up, right? Yeah. Uh, yeah. Absolutely. Well, I mentioned that that he could, he had the idea of bringing in a spray bottle of blood or like a, I don't know, like a garden hose or semen or something like garden

10:18hose. I was just saying, I've seen him last a long time. You could potentially carry a zip like bag full of a lot of different kinds of semen and then just throw it around. Hey, I've got that. I've been wondering what to do with it. I've got nine different kinds of semen in a bag and my garage, different kinds. Oh, yes. I jerked off a grasshopper. This one's called wet velvet. This one's called different streams. Yeah. Called the Opal Avenger. I feel bad because you're doing really good work here. We haven't even let the guy talk to me. Let me let you talk because I just said I jerked off a grasshopper. And you're a really smart good man who's trying to help people and we're awful.

11:23We're just awful people. None of us can watch Dumboeber again. Or I need to see it right away. Take your poison. Peter, I'm curious and I'm desperately trying to keep this on an even keel. But is the science, it just keeps advancing. I would guess that it's just going to get better and better and better. Is that correct? Yeah, it is. I mean, there's new stuff coming out now about, you know, we've been able to, we'll last few years, get something from seven trillions of a gram of material and take that and turn that into a DNA profile. And now we're at the point where we can take, you know, some fractured DNA and then run that three year family tree and figure out, okay, well, this person from that family was in that area around the time. Wow. And sort that. It's pretty, it's amazing stuff. There's something that fascinates me.

12:24I listen to, I'm a history buff. I also enjoy crime stuff. I listened to a very long podcast recently about the Lindbergh kidnapping and in the 1930s, Charles Lindbergh's son is kidnapped from the home and they got some ransom notes and many people for a long time have said the person who was convicted and sent electric chair Bruno Halman possibly didn't do it. And there's one way they could really tell is if they took the stamps off of the envelopes, which they still have in New Jersey, they still have the stamps and test that DNA. It might, it wouldn't maybe exclude Halman, but if his DNA is on one of the stamps, they know that he definitely was one or the only person who committed the crime. And the New Jersey refuses to do it.

13:25Why? They won't, they just, they won't say, but they just say we don't want to do it. I suspect it's because what if they test it and there's a chance that Bruno Halman didn't write any of those notes, they sent this guy to the electric chair. But everyone's dead. Yeah. Why not? And I don't know why they do it. Sometimes said, well, we, it's a historic document. We don't want to destroy, to test the DNA that have to destroy some evidence, but I don't understand why they wouldn't, you could find out, they could find out, they could test it today and tell us what the answer is in a couple of weeks. Yeah. I mean, I mean, we actually see that kind of a lot in our work where we're kind of asking DA's offices, the prosecution offices to test something because part of the process is getting them to, to agree to it or, you know, fighting about that in court. And a lot of the time they're saying, well, we just, we don't think that we should. Yeah. Because basically, sometimes it's, we worked really hard.

14:26We've got this person. We think we have a pretty good, they're in prison. We don't, it says, it would be a naturally a frightening thing for them. It shouldn't be, but a frightening thing for them to maybe admit, oh shit, he didn't do it. That would be, so they'd rather just not find out. I mean, sometimes they have other reasons too, like in the grand calculus of the case, does it actually matter that much or not? I mean, in this one, obviously, that would be helpful to know. I think, I think the question for New Jersey is, you know, do they think that the sciences isn't there? Because saliva can deteriorate faster as far as a DNA biological sample. So, you know, do they think that they can use the science, probably the newest science that I just was talking about kind of like getting little fragments of DNA, maybe they could do, but it is something that we, we try to fight for getting it in a testic, just

15:28like what they should be doing with the envelope. This is why when I send a letter, I use blood and semen on the stamp. Oh, no. I'm not going to help you at all. Oh, you're right. It's the worst thing I could do. And it also takes so much time. What kind of semen though? And which goes first? As long as you have a cricket Andy and a little cricket porn, cricket porn. I showed on a little projector to a cricket. Nice. Oh, for Christ's sake. We were doing so well, too, for a second there. No, I know we weren't. No, are you right. Well, no, I think my- Oh, for a second there, yes. For a second there, I think we're on an even keel. New Jersey's Manhattan. New Jersey doesn't have a lot of cool stuff. You're from New Jersey. I'm from New Jersey. So you don't think they have this science that the rest of the world has? These envelopes are pretty cool. These are like the Lindbergh baby kidnapper envelopes. Right, because they got Billy Joel and these stamps, and that's about it. They don't really have Billy Joel. He's out there on Long Island. Oh, sorry. You're right. They don't even have Billy Joel.

16:28They don't even have Billy Joel. New Jersey hasn't nothing. No, that's not true. They had Bruce Springsteen for a while, but he just bought an island in Crete. And he's now a Greek citizen. So everyone's getting out of New Jersey. Yeah. His last album was all about how amazing it is in Greece. And they say he's lost his touch with his fans. Crete girl. The EG in blues, it's just born in the path of none. I'll add it that out. No, I don't think you will. I will. Why? You'll see. No, come on, leave it in. It's good stuff. And now what's talking about it makes it even better. I'll add it all this out. No, no, no. Not a trace. Not a trace. How about you, Amy Bus? And you take out Peter, all his good work. And it's just us jerking off crickets and singing born in the pathonon. I think what I'm learning is it's just good not to commit a crime because with the science and you think I've learned that from my early Christian teachings, but no, none of that

17:34stuck. I just really wasn't paying attention. I thought that none was hot. But since then, I just think it's who commits a crime now because you're going to leave the end. People do do it. Oh, still the crimes are still happening. People do commit crimes. Yeah, I think so. It's time to time. Our crimes of passion, the predominant type of crime, like his premeditated crime, just not as much a thing anymore. I don't know. I think it's still certainly a thing. That's good to know. Still happening. Yeah. I mean, they're not thinking as thoroughly as can I trick off grasshopper and then use that. You know what, Peter, we've ruined you. You're now. They're going to play this to discredit you in court. I know. Oh my god. Anyway, I, Peter, till he believe, oh, you do do you. We bring that, exhibit a grasshopper. Or cricket. Cricket. Um, cricket. Uh, I believe we've invoked both of the course of this. Podcast. We've spoken of grasshoppers and crickets and their semen.

18:36Hey, you know what? Thanks for clearing up something that doesn't need to be in any way in no way needed to be straightened out. I just love you got right in there and fix the thing that wasn't broken. I just wanted to say we've talked about both. And I'd like to say it again. You know, the thing I think we've become a long way is that people now understand DNA science and that it's a real thing better. I mean, in the OJ trial, it was still fairly new and you could, you know, there was some sense that what's all this medical science gobbledy book have to do with the fact that, uh, those gloves don't fit, uh, as well as we think they should, even though he's wearing other gloves. He had catchers mitts on when they had, they tried those gloves on. I'm sorry. I'm really getting deep into the case, but I think people should know it. It's up there with the Lindbergh thing. Um, I, uh, is there anything you want to tell us or any questions you have? For us because you're an expert in your area, but look at us. We're an expert in, oh, uh, I just remembered, I just remembered who we are.

19:39Yeah. I mean, uh, a big thing that I, uh, you know, think about our encounters, I'm having difficult conversations with people all the time, um, you know, clients that I'm trying to work with. And, um, I'm personally, I think, you know, comedy and being, um, uh, a little bit more lighter in conversation, go a long way, especially with somebody who's kind of living day to day, uh, behind bars and wondering if you have any tips about maybe how to, uh, bring comedy into conversations that I'm having. Oh my God. If you're talking to someone who's been wrongfully imprisoned and they're not sure they're going to get out of prison and you want advice from us on how to make your conversations with them when they've got like, what is it? One minute on the phone to talk to you and there's a long line of people behind them. Hmm. This is a good time for jokes. I think yeah, you're like, well, Conan O'Brien and Andy Daly told me, I've got some important information about your case, but first a type five. I think I can get you out, but hold on.

20:42Oh, we got the evidence, we got the evidence back and something I got to tell you that's going to change your life. But first I was talking to Conan and Andy and Matt Gourley, um, I don't know. I, uh, I don't, I have no advice here on this because I feel just ashamed that I'm talking to you. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how, how you would lighten that moment. Yeah, or even funny voices. Like you could tell them the things you need to tell them, but like in a funny voice. Let's have a look at that. I don't know. Just, uh, I spoke to the attorneys. I don't know. Um, um, evidence came back and you did it. I'm the king. That's a delivery. Yeah, he make it go. You have Donald, I mean, I have, uh, have, have Donald Doug say your semen's all over the place. And so is mine because I don't wear pants.

21:49Yeah. Really bad. I don't wear pants. Please, the prisoner gets off and he's crying. He's laughing so hard. And he gets back to his cell and his stomach's like, oh, good news. No, terrible news. But Donald Doug told me, Peter, I think we've changed your life forever. Yeah. Um, hey, uh, next time my, my brother lives in, uh, in Nadek and I've got, I've got family all over Massachusetts. So the next time I back, maybe we'll bump into each other. That'd be cool. That'd be wonderful. I want to shed some dry skin on you. I'm going to grab a, when I see you, I'm going to grab a, I'm going to keep a lufa with my back pocket. It's like a guy that put shreds cheese onto your pasta. I'm going to come over and, here's a little something for you. Take that to the lab. Yeah. Plant this on a crime scene. You're motherfuckah. Peter, this was a delight.

22:50Thank you so much and keep doing great work. Thanks for here. Thank you guys. Thank you very much. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, sonum of Sessian and Matt Gourley, produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liyah. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producer's Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of serious XM when you sign up at seriousxm.com slash Conan. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien, needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are done.