Jack Benny - The Hurricane

0:00The yellow programs, starring Jack Denny with Barry Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with I Dumbledore you. There's a play that recently opened in New York City called Hooray for What? Well here's one answer to that question. It's shallow and you'll all cheer for tello because it's one of the grandest dishes you can serve. It's quick, it's inexpensive, it's delicious. And you can vary it in all sorts of ways to keep your menus different and interesting. Pride Yellow was sliced bananas with canned fruits, decorated with chopped nuts and whipped cream, or make little tart shells and fill them with jello. All you think of dozens and dozens of variations because jello six delicious flavors lend themselves perfectly to all sorts of marvelous combinations. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange,

1:01lemon or lime, just be sure you get genuine jello. For only jello brings you that delicious, extra rich fruit flavor. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell jello. That was I Dumbledore you played by the orchestra. Now ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that human dynamo, that bundle of energy who is always bubbling over with pep and vitality, Jack Benny. Oh yeah, that's a Jack Benny talking and John that was an awfully nice tend off you gave me all of you picked the wrong night for. I was never so tired in my life. Why see Jack then you're not bubbling over as usual.

2:03Bubbling over? John tonight I'm not even capable of a small drill. And just completely worn out. Well you were all right last week Jack what happened since then? It's that new picture I'm going to make the first thing to test the costume and on top of that I'm having trouble getting the right makeup. These grids they ought to know how to make you up by this time. Well they ought to but they don't. You can see my screen text. I got a little dimple in my chin and a photograph like the Grand Canyon. I don't the that my eyes look like Minneapolis and St Paul. Yeah I look like I'm working for Rand McNally. Well I just can't understand that Jack. Either can I I got the same makeup man that Fred McMurray has. Well Jack red McMurray is younger and naturally handsome type. Well what do you think I am? You know paramount isn't signing any guard-goels to long-term contracts. You know that. Well then maybe this is the fault of the makeup man. I don't know but you know what burns me up time. He dashes into McMurray's dressing room puts a little powder on his

3:05face and Fred is all set. Oh then when he comes over to make me up he takes off his coat, opens his bag and pulls out a blueprint. I'll admit that I'm not an adonis but I have let a good conservative life. Oh I'm sure you have that. Don you've never seen me corousing around. No no I have. Well here's what kills me. That guy McMurray goes to the Procedero one night the cop that drove the next night then the Clover Club. He stays up night after night and I show it. Anyway I'll be glad when I get started on my picture and it's over with. Who's gonna be a meeting lady Jack? Oh hello Mary I didn't see you. What did you say? I said who's gonna be a meeting lady. I told you last week it's Francis the Gal that movie and Easter. You remember I went over to her house to rehearse last Sunday night. Oh yes I remember. She invited Phil Harris too. Yes Curly Lock had to come along. Phil spent the whole evening keeping her out of the big apple and I sat there like a worm. Every time I make a picture Phil

4:09calls in love with my leading lady. Why don't you play off the wreck a wonder horse. Thanks Mary I look fine with a horse on my left. What part would I play a jockey? No milk wagon. Oh quiet. Don't give me any more suggestions. Well here comes Cupid's little ambassador now. Hello Jack O'Boy how's the walkie can wallflower. Fine thank you. How's my kinky head at least. Oh just sandy I never felt better in your life. Well say out of my life you certainly picked up my rehearsal last Sunday night. I was there to work with Miss Gal new stand around distracting her attention. Well I was just trying to be sociable and then you had a suggestion that I go out and buy some ice cream. What about it? Well the least you could have done was eat it when I brought it back. Well I didn't want any ice cream. Oh you didn't. Then what did you send me? Oh I did it. Ah you

5:10wanted to be alone with Miss Gal. I see the ice author was something fishy about that ice cream. What flavor was it that Cuda? I can't figure out how I could have been so gullible. Oh hello Kenny. Oh Jack what's eating you? Vermice I got a wooden head. Kenny I always thought that you were dumb but I'm really a staff. For plain ordinary stupidity I've got you back off the mass. Oh I don't know about that. Now listen Kenny I've got a date with a girl. Field comes along they want some they want some ice cream and I go out for it. Ha fast. Alright I had a date with a girl. Another fellow came along. Nobody wanted ice cream and I still went out for it. Stop that. Well. Yes it. I had a date with a fellow once his girlfriend came along and hit me in the face with a banana split. I don't think that's so funny. Well I laugh. Yeah and a banana split. Ha ha ha. Why Kenny that's a

6:14nifty. Yeah we think of one like that every week. Well go ahead and say before you have a brain. Banana split. Wasn't that awful Mary? Yeah it's a good thing he can sing. Yeah. There's a pomm one for everyone. If you turn as a proper time and play you will greet love and meet love taste to say. There's a pomm one for everyone. It was kind of so very kind to me. All at once. I've never known and ever thought. I can't resist you. It's someone. I miss you. Where have you been?

7:43do you? I wonder if I will lend you for having held you and meant you to be of me Adorable On one One and And and The End

8:50Sweet someone from lovin' hysterics sung by our wit and humorous penny bakers and all ladies in gentlemen What do you laugh for that? Nice banana. I mean banana split And all ladies in gentlemen go away Kenny. As we announce last Sunday, tonight we are going to present the outstanding achievement of the Benny Gill Our own dramatic version of Samuel Goldman's screen time, the hurricane, or I'm forever blowing bubbles For the benefit of those who haven't seen the picture, the locale of our play is the little island of Manacura in the South Sea which is just halfway between Tahiti and Bismarck North Dakota I will play the part of Governor DeLos as me an a man has ever ate a popsicle at a hanging Mary Livingston will play the part of germane my wife. I will not. You will too. Now Don Wilson will be the captain and Phil Harris will be the doctor

9:51Why can't I be Phil's wife? Because he hasn't got a wife. Now Kenny will be- Then why can't I be Don's wife? But Don hasn't got a wife either. He just got a boat. Well why can't I be Don's boat? Mary you're going to be my wife. But I'll make you any happier I'll put a sail on you. Now Kenny Baker will be one of the natives. Full dark and barefooted. Barefooted. What I catch cold? You won't catch cold you're in the South Sea. Hold it out drunk. Look Kenny you're on an island. How can you drown on an island? Don't worry I'll find a way. I hope so. Anyway you're a native and that's it. Now in our version of this play. Hmm a native yet. Now. Now in our version of this play we will endeavor to give you a vivid portrayal of how it feels to be hit on the head with a hurricane. Now this play will go on. Hmm partly so. Hello? Hiya folks!

10:52Well Andy! Hey we expected you up here tonight I thought you were going to be in our play. I was going to the most all the pictures on I was two dollars for us. Oh does she know we're going to do hurricane tonight? I think so but she put the radio down in the cyclone cellar. Well I'm sorry you're not going to be with us tonight Andy. I had a swell part for you. Yes yes sir. You were going to be one of the natives and there's a real hula dancer in love with you. Is she pretty? Andy's these gorgeous. Well wait a minute what's that Paul? What? What are you laughing at Andy? Paul wants to know if she's got a friend. Oh is your Paul home? Yeah he's here hopping around on a broom. What's he doing sweet in the floor? No he's been thinking again he thinks he's mother's do. Well Andy I'm sorry you're not coming over but be sure and listen Ann. I sure will so long but. So long. Well it's too bad Andy can't be with us.

11:53Is everything all set fellas? Yep let's go. Okay so now for while Phil is playing the next number we will get on an imaginary boat and sail away to the South Sea. Hit it Phil.

13:52That was Snake Charmer played by Phil Harris. The snake if there ever was one and his arm. And all ladies and gentlemen for our future attraction the hurricane. As the scene opens we learn that Governor DeLod has sentenced Perangu a young native to 20 years in prison and in Tahiti. Much against the wishes of his friends and the populace of the island. The locale is the island of Manacura, the residence of Governor DeLod. And as the curtain rises we hear in the distance the can of one of the nature. Oh how happy and carefree the natives are on this island. How peaceful is this paradise lost in the middle of a vast ocean? Yes Captain you're right but there's only one thing wrong. I know what to mean doctor. We're governed by the meanest, prulest, tyrant at all the South Sea.

14:52Governor DeLod. At least he's hard, he's stubborn, he's merciless. Yes he's just a tropical meaning. You're right doctor. I wish he'd get sick so I could get in the wrong medicine. To him the law is everything nothing else matters. Here comes the governor now. Look unhappy. Good evening Governor. Good evening Governor. That's that'll that. Governor we're here to see you again. Hi gentlemen. You came here again to ask me to pardon that native boy Taranghi. You're wasting your breath. I sent him to prison in the heat he 600 miles away and there he must save. Fuck your exonancy it was such a trivial offense. Ah! Nothing is right. Why such a severe penalty? Because it's the law. Doctor Harris, you and I have been friends for a good many years. Oh yeah, be to change my principle or go my belief in justice.

15:52You're a going to Farah. Good governor that's for Taranghi is the most popular native on the island. He sure is guffee. Guffee? Why the girl here would rather have a smile from him than a kiss from Robert Taylor? How do you know? I've been having trouble too. Well I'm sorry gentlemen. But I refused to pardon Taranghi and that's fine. But why guffee? Yeah why? Because it's the law. What is that? Major Boes, he just arrived with the unit. Oh he sure gets around. Well gentlemen I hope I've made myself clear. Taranghi stays in jail. But what time did he commit to warn 20 years in prison? 20 years of hard labor. What time? He stole a coke. Why governor there are thousands and thousands of coconuts on this island? But this one had milk in it. And grade A too.

16:52But you're excellently all coconut milk in the act of material irrelevant and news for me. Anyway, Taranghi was found guilty of the crime and the service sentence. But why such a severe one? Because it's the wait for me. Anyway I'm bought Taranghi. Come in. Hello. Oh my good wife. Oh my no good husband. What have you gotten that basket, Ali? Coconut. Coconut? Where did you get it? Don't worry I bought him. Well I'm glad to hear that. But I stole the money out of your pants. Oh pardon me, get them. A good evening madam to law. Good evening, Pat and Wilson. Good evening madam to law. Hello. Hello. You're made remember you are addressing a position, Dr. Harris. A fine doctor. Yes, he's trying to take my temperature with a clarinet.

17:53A clarinet? Yeah, he said I had a bad taste of any good men. That's your diagnosis, Dr. Harris? Yeah, ma'am. Well gentlemen, I believe our business is finished. Madam to law, we've been trying to persuade the governor to pardon Taranghi. After all it was such a minor offense. Sure, why don't you let him go? The main crime is crime. But a man steals, he goes to jail. Unless it's second base. Taranghi must be punished. The dear wife, 20 years is prison. Because it's delightful. It's delicious. It's delicious. It's the law. And I don't want to hear another word about it. What's that? It's the lady. They're all worked up about Taranghi. They're in a bad mood, your actions. Yes, I warn you, they're going to make trouble. Oh, so they're after me, eh? A fine, I'm not afraid. Look, look, look, one of them coming this way. Yes, it's Taranghi's brother. All right, tell me. Oh, so it's you, Penny Lua. What do you want this time?

18:54I'm not poopy, a poor, a pook-a-tarranghi. Taranghi, you see, Zuba Lua. Zuba Lua, Konakita, Karangou. What's your language, son? There's a lady, Fred. Oh, I'm broad-minded. Your main, go to your room. I'll poke a poo on my loathe. Permain, do you know what you're saying? No, I needed to use. Now, listen to me, Penny Lua. Polar, you got Taranghi. Taranghi, pupula, ka poa, moa. Poopitila. And that's Zuba Lua. Oh, go steal an attack, a lua. Hmm, a fine native. You better be careful, gubby. They're not going to take it on the chin forever. As long as I'm governor of these islands, the law will be upheld. I've made up my mind about Taranghi. Nothing's in the word. Nothing's in the mood. We let hurricane come along. Hurricane, Bob.

19:54We haven't had a hurricane here in 20 years. It doesn't worry me. And why they got you to pay tax on. Because it's the law! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Carra-la! Well, gentlemen, if you look, choose me now, I'll require. I've had a very busy day. Will I be seeing you tomorrow, Captain Wilkins? No, I think not, Governor. I'm sailing with the tide. I have a yellow cargo for a pangot pangol. Well, good luck, I'll. Goodbye, all. Hmm. It seems to be something very peculiar in the air tonight. Any ear-refeeling? Have you noticed the doctor? Yes, and I don't like it. I remember 20 years ago when this same peculiar way... Ah! What? What's that again? A lady. There's sending a message of warning. They know when there's a hurricane brewing?

20:54Ah! I look at the bird heading south. They're flying away! I'll let them fly. Yeah, we'll show them something in a few minutes. Why? You two make me sick, I'm going up there. Mmm! Be out scared! Why, it's nothing but a little wind. We've had wind before. Good night, darling. I'll see you in the morning. Look for me over Pomona. A little breeze isn't gonna scare me. Ah! Fasten those shutters. What shutters? Those are my ears. Well, fasten them. Okay, throw me a bobby pin. Come on, here. Come on, here. You're excellent, Steve. He has escaped from prison. For Andy, he escaped? Just when he's right here on this island. Well, I'm gonna get him and he's got to go back. I'm going off to flying for Andy. And when I do... Answer the phone, your name. Hello? Yeah? Governor, Tarrangy! Tarrangy? Give me that phone.

21:55Hello, Tarrangy. Hello, friends. Oh, it is you. When did you escape from prison? Who could pull out Vinny Vinny to the ballot bell yesterday? Yesterday, how did you get out of jail? I fought myself with a hexaw. Oh, my exhausted, I swam all the way. You swam 600 miles with a heated amount of cord on one day? How could you do that? A shark was pushing me. A shark, eh? What happened? What could happen? You swallowing me. Why that ridiculous? Where's the shark? When you think I'm calling from a phone booth? That's a lie, Tarrangy. You're hiding. You're not inside of a shark. I am, too. I don't believe it. I say to Lucini and Ripley's column. You can't fool me, Tarrangy. You're not in the water. You're someplace on this island. And I'm gonna track you down. All right, but if you better get the goldfish for black hounds, this is all right. Grangy. Grangy!

22:56I'm gonna put him back in that cell of it's the last thing I do. Captain Wilson, get the iron. Okay. You better wait until this farm blows over, Gauve. We'll need every man on the island. I'm gonna find the mine for a win. Look, your echelons, these are ladies, they're taking to their boat. Let them go! They won't find it any safer out there. Come on, let's go! Huts in this storm! Listen to that wind! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Hmm, what's that? Mother Nature's garland. Her name is a gold time for levity. That's awesome! Prepare your boat for immediate sailing. I got her. Look, the boat is gone. The boat's gone, where is it? That is the kind of clipper flying over it. Your name's safe close to me.

23:56Captain Wilson, where is it? Get what it was, pale spits. Well, I might as well boat to the long. I'll let them all blow, I'm going to bed. You better hurry, it just went out of the window. Oh, this is all for right now. Where are you? I'm in the city of Natu Wilson. Oh, Captain Wilson. I'm in the city of Natu Wilson. What? I'm in the city of Natu Wilson. Wait, I can't hear you. Why? Why are I saying? Why? Ladies and gentlemen, if you happen to blow by a grocery store, be sure and stop off from a package of jello. Fly all in six delicious flavors. Throw very fast, very cherry, orange lemon and lime. Are you through, Wilson? Yes! And let's go! Yeah! The storm is subsiding. Everything is swept away, leaving nothing but desolated in its way.

24:59Not a bird, not a flower, not a free left on this island. They're not even a copet, they're out. Well, just one anyway. Ah, my poor little wife. Where are we? Your main. Your main. That last few gone soon. Good heavens, what a storm. What a wind! Come in. Governor Delar? Yes. Do you like to buy an electric fan? Get out of here! I'm a hiker on this island! Here we go! Here we go!

26:02Here's a swell suggestion for this time of the year and that something new and different. It's Arranged Jell-O Salad, a delicious new way to get a touch of sunshine and your winter menu. It's easy to make and it's inexpensive too. There's all one package of Arranged Jell-O, chill until slightly second, and then fold in two oranges, cut up into sections, one cup of Dice, salray and a teaspoon of vinegar. Chill until firm. Arranged Jell-O Salad is lovely to look at with its clear golden beauty and its grand-to-eat, the fowling of the crisp salary making a new and unusual combination. So try the subtractive new salad tomorrow. Just be sure to use genuine Jell-O for Jell-O brings you that delicious, extra rich fruit flavor. So remember whether it's for salad or dessert, always ask your broser for Jell-O.

27:02This is the last number of the 18th program of the new Jell-O Salad. We'll video again next Sunday night at the same time. Or Jack. What is it, Barry? A telegram just came to you. Oh. This small, we cooked radio editor of the New York World Telegram. As if I didn't know. What is it, Barry? It says, you're Jack. In the 7th annual National Radio Editor's poll conducted by the World Telegram, you were chosen the most popular comedian on the air. This makes the 6th consecutive year that you have won this song. Wait a minute, that is an all. The most popular singer, John Wilson, was picked as the most popular announcer and Kenny Baker was second among all male popular singers. Well, well, I just want to say that all of us on the Jell-O program are deeply grateful and highly honest. We want to thank you all the editors and our listeners. Come on, Jack. Here's your hat. It doesn't fit now. Good night. Thank you all for all.

28:02Kenny Baker appears on the Jell-O program for a courtesy of Mervyn O'Ride Productions. This is an I'm Soul Broadcast in Covenant.