Jack Benny - American Heart Association

0:00The Jack Venni Program, presented by Lucky Strike. Feeling cold. Feeling tender. Please take word, calm and tense. Malka Lalky. To feel level death. Malka Lalky. To feel level death. Your level death. And your level death. That's how you'll feel when you light up a Lucky. Because Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. It's important to know that fine tobacco can do this for you. And LSMFT. LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Smooth miles thoroughly enjoyable tobacco. So next time you buy cigarettes, ask for the cigarette of fine tobacco Lucky Strike. And get on the right level, the lucky level, where things seem right and are right,

1:01because you feel right. Yes, Malka Lalky to feel your level best. The Lucky Strike program, starring Jack Venni, was made in eastern Phil Harris, Rochester, and yours truly don't work. LSMFT tonight, Jack Venni is flying to New York City. So let's go out to Jack's home in Beverly Hills, where we find him packing for the trip. Barry and Rochester are helping him. Now let's see. One, two, three. And what else do you want me to do, Jack? Nothing now, Mary. One, two, three. Fall shall I pass you. Just a minute, Rochester. Four, five, six, seven. Seven. That'll be enough. I want to take the whole box.

2:01How much does Kleenex cost? Mary, it isn't the cost of the Kleenex. I'm going by plane and a charger extra. You know, if your luggage weighs over 40 pounds, see a 79 cents a pound of New York, unless you get off at Chicago, then it's 57 cents, or Kansas City, it's 46 cents. Why don't you go to New York and send your clothes to Albuquerque? Same. Oh, stop, will you? But, Jack, you're going to be gone a whole week, aren't you taking any suits? Certainly, I'm taking my blue surge, my tweed, my herringbone, and... You'll soon stop in your cavity. Yeah, yeah. Uh, that's five suits. I don't see any of them in the bag. He's wearing them. They don't weigh the passengers. I know what I'm doing. Uh, Jack. What are you going to New York for anyway? Oh, I thought I told you, Mary. I'm going to appear at a benefit for the American Heart Association,

3:02Wednesday night at the Copacabana. Ed Sullivan asked me to be the master of ceremonies. She'll seem strange. Now, I haven't worked in a nightclub since that summer I was at Spiro. I was a sensation there. Oh, you certainly were, Jack. I demand to carry 14 cups of coffee on one arm. Now, I was just showing that trick to a couple of friends of mine. I wasn't working there the waiter. And why did you pick up the tip? Pick up the tip. Pick up the tip. 80 cents, you make a big thing up. Now, let's tell you what else do I need. I better take a couple of sweaters and my... Very boys. What? Do you want to take your sleeping bag along? No, no. I'll go to a hotel this time. Oh, then you won't need your bowl now. No, no. I don't blame you, Jack. There's nothing worse for breakfast than a tough squirrel cooked over the exhaust pipe of a cross-town bus. Oh, wait, Rochester, is your older Mike Tuxedo like I told you to? Yes, it is. All of your Tuxedo?

4:02Yeah, I told Rochester to take the fat and the cups off the sleeve. You know, fat and cups are a little dated. No. That belt in the back is an exactly cafe society. Hello, little dude. Here, Mary, you better pack the Tuxedo. Pull it carefully so I won't have to have it prepped. Okay. Hey, Jack. This is a funny place to have a pocket in the back lining of a coat. Oh, that. Well, Mary, I used to do a magic act when I was invaudible, and that's where I kept my rabbit. That was a pigeon, boss. That was a rabbit. Oh, I was a pigeon. Rochester, this was 15 years ago and you wouldn't remember. It was a rabbit. Boss, it was a pigeon as a matter of fact when I went through your clothes, it's morning I found an egg in that pocket. Yeah. Well, that was a mothball. I wish you had told me sooner you had it for breakfast. Oh, well, it smelled like a mothball. But you're right, Rochester. You're right. You know, it was a pigeon I used in my vlog to relax. Her name was Natalie. Yeah, I never forget she used to sit up on my head,

5:03and coup while I played my violin. A pigeon was so cute sitting on my head. I remember the night they knocked it off with a tomato. Yeah. I wonder what they had against Natalie. What ever became of that pigeon, boss. Rochester, I better not talk about it. Well, Jack, I want to know too. What became of that pigeon? Well, things got tough for me invaudible, and I got hungry, and oh, let's not talk about it. Now, Mary, don't worry, Polly. I'm doing all right now. Come on, Mary. Let's get this packing center so that I can... I'll get it. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis. Come on in. Hello, Dennis. Oh, Mary. Say, what's all the packing going on? What's going on in New York? Oh, well, Mr. Benny, as long as you're going to New York, why don't you say if the ACME class is a hotel? My uncle's the house detective there. Your uncle, the house detective? What's his name?

6:03Peekaboo McNulty. Peekaboo McNulty. He must be some detective. Oh, he's wonderful. During the war, he was a spy, but the enemy caught him, put him up against the wall, and executed him. Wait a minute. Did you just said he's working at the ACME class a hotel? After the war, they had to give him his job back. Hello, Dennis. I got a lot of packing to do, so don't bother me now, will you? Okay. Do you mind if I go into the other room and practice my song? No, no. Go right ahead. Go in the living room. There's a player piano in there. Now, come on, Mary, and help me finish. Thank you. Far away, glazed, with a strange sound in name. Far away, over the tree.

7:06Far away, glazed, with a strange sound in name. Far away, over the tree. Oh, in the child, or maybe I am. I want to see her myself. Oh, far away, glazed, I've been reading of her. It'll move, that I do, from a child. I'm not getting dressed whenever I hear,

8:06on the floor of a tree. I pray for their icon again their way, and look all the time in the pain they call. But we're even. Well, maybe I am. And I know that I'm going to see. Oh, far away, glazed, with a strange sound in name. Oh, far away, glazed.

9:29Now, let's see if I got everything. I'll be going out of Nights in New York, so I'll need a... Come in. Hi, Olivia. Hello, Jackson. How have you been? Hey, Jackson. Here's that suitcase you wanted. Oh, thanks, Phil. I'm glad you brought it. Mine is so shabby. Nice you to lend it to me. Boy, just a load of those labels on it. Yeah, I used to take it with me when I was on the road playing on one night's stand. Oh. Hey, Jack, look at this label here. Ritz Tom Hotel, empty-jog, Texas. Empty-jog, Texas? I'd show them that Tom. I'm in the middle of the place. What is empty-jog, Phil? It's about 50 miles this side of Rackham, up Kansas. Oh, fine. Empty-jog, Rackham, up. Phil, why don't you get books in the cities like Fort Worth, Houston, San Antonio, or Dallas? Leave me alone, Jack. Can I know my market? I'm glad you do. At least you're not kidding yourself. Hey, Dad, how long are you going to be in New York?

10:30Well, I'm going to do the hard benefit on Wednesday night, and if I have time, I'll see what's going on in television. Oh, television, huh? Well, look. While you're talking, you can tell them I'll consider going on television when they get larger screens. Larger screens? They've already had them up to 16 inches. 16 inches, eight, nothing. If you don't get Harris' life size, you're getting robbed. Well, maybe you're right, Phil. You were a riot, and Empty-jog. Yeah. Oh, come on, Mary. Let's pack my things in the suitcase, Phil brought over. OK. At first, I'll take you all for having sex, Phil. What happened, Liz? You've got a lot of nerve-tasting all these labels on ours. I mean, I was just back. The boys in the band gave it to me for a present. That's mine. Yours. But look at those initials. A-S. That's that for angel face.

11:31Phil, Phil, the boys in your band call you angel face? Well, what else could you call a guy who looks like me? Did you hear that, Mary? Yeah. Thank goodness. I thought I was the only one. No, I heard it made me sick, but I heard it. Me too. Well, have a nice fit, Jack. And I got to go home now and cut some little round holes from the side of my Chevrolet. That hole's the side of your Chevrolet? Or why? I want my kid to think I got a duet. That was a tough job just for us. Goodbye, angel face. What a character angel face. You always make up those silly names of towns to Empty-jog. This is better your bag is all back. Good. I haven't got too much time to read for the airport. Do you want to lie down with me, Mary? Of course, you're a Jack. Rock us or get the car with you. Oh, good. Hmm. Who can that be? I'll get it. Hello? Jack Benny, please. This is Jack Benny. I have a long distance call for you from Las Vegas.

12:33Long distance, eh? Is it... Why don't you take a chance? Oh, all right. Put them on. Here's your parking. Hello? Hello, Jack. This is Dawn. Oh, Dawn, what are you doing in Las Vegas? Up here getting a sun tan. But Dawn, you just had three days of sun and palm springs. Well, that took care of my right side. Now I'm getting sun on my left side. Well, I can't understand at all. When you were over in Palm Springs, why didn't you just roll over? I did. Now I'm in Las Vegas. What do you like? Well, that's logical, Dawn. Dawn, what did you call me for? Well, Jack, the quartets up here with me and when they heard you were going to New York, they made me get you on the phone so they could take it by to you.

13:34Oh, the sportsmen, eh? Well, put them on, Dawn. Here they are. Give our regard to Broadway. Remember us to CDS. Tell all the gang to mine are lucky, so I can feel where they're both at. They'll live a re-level. And when you go to New York, your friends are south of your city. They'll leave. So tell everyone, oh, God, Broadway, just look at now, let them see. There's a man, you have three minutes. Bye-bye. I just saw his way. So round and firm and fully packed. Round and firm and fully. And take a fly through sand, throw a flying bottle of tea in the house. Have your three minutes have up? And two of them are fresh, oh, and all it's so far, you should see. Yeah, no man. Show me the places of that figure, let it sound, let it sound, let it be. Your three minutes have up. Bow.

14:34Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Well, how do you like that, T? She cut them off. Yeah, I could get in like you better hurry. Oh, yes, yes. Dennis, Dennis, you want to drive down to the airport with us? I'd like to, but I got my bicycle with me. I'll meet you there. Okay. Come on in Rochester. Get the car.

15:40Now, Rochester, turn left on Sepulveda and it'll take you right to the airport. Yes, sir. Rochester, what are you doing? I'm trying to pass that candle like I must be crazy. Don't be funny. Just drive. Say, Jack, why are you in New York? You think you're running to Fred Allen? You mean Buttons and Bags? No, no, I don't think I'll see Fred. It won't be necessary this time. I sent them my old clothes by partial clothes. We wanted them in time for the Easter parade. Anyway, I might run into them when I... Hey, look, Jack, there's Dennis on his bicycle. Oh, yeah. Hello, Dennis. Hi, Mr. Benny. Pass him, Rochester. I'm the way tires from all that settling kid. No, this is fun. That's good. Pass him, Rochester. Do you want to hit on the bad, Dennis? Come on, we'll give you a lift.

16:40No, thanks. This is good exercise. Yes, good exercise, all right? Pass him, Rochester. Pass him. Embarrassed and innocent. Well, step on it or something. So long, Mr. Benny. I'll wait for you at the airport. You come back here. All right, all right, go on. That reckless kid. I'll try to go a little faster, Rochester. I don't want to miss my plane. You know, it's a very important benefit. Here's the airport, Rochester. Pull over the curb. Come on, Mary. I better get a red cap to take my bag.

17:42I wonder where there... Oh, there's one. A red cap, will you...? Hmm. Look at me, walked away. There's another one. A red cap, will you take my... He walked away, too. Here comes another one, Jack. Oh, yeah. I'll take your bag for you, Mr. Benny. Oh, thank you. Thank you. So I can't understand it when I call those other red caps, they walked away, but you came right over. Well, I think if you can do a benefit, so can I. Well, you don't have to do this for nothing. Take my bag and here's the tip for you. Gee, thanks. Now I can get my head shine. Yeah, yeah. Come on, Mary, let's go inside. Light number 76 for Phoenix, Dallas, and Washington, DC, now loading at Gate 2. Mary, let's go over to the information desk. I want to find out if my plane is going to leave on time.

18:44Light 43, now arriving on runway 6, from Galveston, Houston, Fort Worth, and empty jug. I thought it was kidding. Mary, before I go over to the information desk, I want to get some magazines. Okay, while you're doing that, I'll get your ticket validated. Oh, thanks, thanks. Are you bugged long time no see? Oh, oh, hello. Who was that, Jack? That racetracked house in San Anita. Oh, he's bothers me. I'll meet you back here, Mary. Okay. I'll give my regards to Broadway. Remember me too, Mary. Hello, Mr. Bennet. Wow, hello. Hello, Mr. Bennet. Thanks, Jack. Are you going away on a trip?

19:45Yes. I'm flying to visit my sister in New York. She had a baby boy and I haven't seen him yet. Oh, last night. How does it feel being an uncle? I'm getting used to it. He's 26 now. Your nephew is 26 years old and you haven't seen him yet? Mm-hmm, that's right. He'll look like I got a picture of him. Hey, he's a nice-looking fellow. But if he's 26, why doesn't he cut off those long curls? Mm-hmm. His boss won't let him. His boss? Mm-hmm. That's funny. Who does he work for? He'll spit down it. Oh! Oh, your nephew is a musician. Oh, whoo-hoo-hoo! You heard Mr. Bennet. You heard the vevelin and her magic violin. Yes. This is Sam and his stinking saxophone. Oh, well, let me see. There is a bunch of a musician, though.

20:45No, no, but he sings pretty good. You should hear him when he McCakes Phil Harris. Oh, once you come with me to L.A. Bennet, there we'll meet my dear old mammoth. He's frying eggs and boiling. Come, dear. That's what I like about him. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Mr. Chesa. Yeah. It isn't corny, but it's boiling hammies. If he doesn't eat it, why should he sing about it? Well, that's one way I'll be honest. Anyway, Mr. Chesa, I'll see you on the plane. Okay, Mr. Bennet. Okay. Now, let's see. I'll take these two magazines. Maybe I'll get them for you. Attention, please. Attention. Light number 19, now loading at gate five, for Anaheim, Azusa, and far away place. The strange sounding name, and soap, come on down.

21:48See, I might get hungry on the plane. Maybe I ought to buy some fruit or something. See, these apples look good. Yeah, I'll get some of these apples. Oh, miss, miss. Hold on, it's easy. Well, I'll just have to wait. It's butter. Good. Huh? Come here a minute. Look, look, fella. What are you doing? I'm buying some fruit. What kind? I'm buying apples. What? Take the oranges. But I don't want oranges. How about grapes? Haven't got a chance to carry them too many seeds. Oh, well, well, what about the bananas? I've been watching them for three days. I had yet to see one of them get out of the bush.

22:54Well, look, I don't know. Listen to me, bud. Take the oranges. The oranges? They can't miss. Look at the breeding. The Pomona by Smudge. Well, I wanted apples. But... I wanted apples, but maybe you're right. I'll take the oranges. OK, OK, and peel them. Don't be a sucker. Oh, miss. I'll take three of those oranges, please. And peel them. Attention, please. Attention. The Santa Fe super cheap now landing on runway seven. How could that happen? It was awfully windy in bar stow.

23:55What was I going? Oh, yes, to the information desk. Apart me, are you the information clerk? No. No, they put me behind these bars for posting much better. Look, mister, I'm in a hurry. Now, when do I leave for New York? I don't know, but it can't be too soon for me. Now, wait a minute. You're here to give me information. Well, if you tell me what flight you're on, I'll tell you when you leave. Oh, I'm taking flight 58. A flight 58 leads to 740. A flight 58 leads to 745, makes one stop at Kansas City, flies it an altitude of 17,000 feet at a speed of 300 miles per hour. They serve dinner in breakfast. The pilot's names are Frank and Harry. They arrive in New York at 9 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, bone voyage, and I hope you get fixed. Why, I punch you right in the nose if I didn't have to take off five coats. I'll be more civil or I'll report you to the management. What gate is my plane?

24:55What gate is my plane lead from? In number not. That's better. How long will the flight take? It's $10. Well, that's good. Are the seats comfortable? Ooh, awesome. I don't want to use. Now, let's see where does Mary go. Oh, there she is. Attention, please. Life 21 now leading for Sandwalking Valley, Sun Valley, Imperial Valley, and Apple Valley. It's birth, birth, huh? Attention, please. Life 21 now leading for Sandwalking Valley, Sun Valley, Imperial Valley, and Orange New Jersey. Oh, Mary, Mary. Yeah, I am Jack. I'm hearing you're sick. Oh, thanks. Life number 58 for New York, leaving immediately. Oh, my goodness, that's my plane. I got a rock. Goodbye, Mary. Goodbye, I'll call you from New York. Goodbye. I'll call you from New York. Goodbye, Jack. I'll wait here and watch the plane takeoff.

25:55Okay, and I'll wait here from the window. Oh, boy. Watch the step getting into the plane, please. I just got a watch and takeoff. Gee, there goes into the air. What a beautiful takeoff. Yep, there'll be in New York in 10 hours. Look, the plane is turning around and coming back. Coming in for a landing. Oh, I'll be doing it. Jack, Jack, what happened? I forgot my orange head. Orange head. Orange head, fire, I found him. Let's go.

27:02Ladies and gentlemen, one of our greatest enemies is fire. Each year, a fire destroys millions of dollars worth of property and takes thousands of lives. Most of these fires could have been prevented. Be cautious. Protect your life, your property, and your home. Thank you. Jack, I'll be back in just a moment. But first... When you see Lucky's fine tobacco, pick you up when your low calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. That's why it's so important for you to select and smoke the cigarette of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. Or, as you know, LSMFT, LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. No wonder Lucky's have the overwhelming choice of tobacco experts. Men who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that's fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco.

28:05Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And this fine Lucky Strike tobacco picks you up when you're low calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level, the Lucky level, where you feel your best and do your best. So next time you buy cigarettes, ask for a carton of Lucky Strike. Yes, when you are feeling low. Feeling tense. Please, please, words are common sense. Malka Lucky, to be a level best. Malka Lucky, to be a level best best. Well, Mr. Kitsalon, just a few hours will be in New York. Yes, she was a wonderful three. That's right. The way Mr. Danny is somebody meeting you by the airport in New York. Yes, yes, that's Sullivan and his Jennifer committee. Who's meeting you, Mr. Kitsalon? She has an amazing texture for you.

29:05Oh, well that's nice, that's nice. Ladies and gentlemen, be sure to hear Dennis say in a day in the life of Dennis say. Stay tuned for the understanding, so it follows immediately. And don't forget the CVF 79 minor. This is CVF, the Columbia Royal University.