EP: 846 - Tea & Teaching Ep: 5 - How to Trust Yourself When Nothing Feels Certain with Andrew Costa

0:00Hello folks, what is going on? We just realized that we may or may not be able to see who is live, but that is all good in the hood. What is up? Find folks. Oh, your screen. Your screen is shrunk. You can open that up a little bit. I've made it even smaller. It's like this big. Okay, it doesn't matter. It's my phone there. Yeah, it is. See? Sorry. I need to have my phone just to use light. Okay, got it. This is this is just the way it is. Yeah, we're just going to have to. Episode five. Welcome back. Yeah, it's it's funny. We're talking about uncertainty and there are floppings. Oh my god. And this is activating the desk. This is real. This is this is just yeah. Okay, all good. We got to lock it. Okay, it's locked, right? We're talking about uncertainty in this episode and how you can navigate through the feelings of uncertainty. And I feel like

1:03born in I wanted to talk about this on episode of Teen T-Shings because we come across a lot of clients and a lot of family members that are always talking about I would love to move through this or I wish that I could do this or I'm second-guessing this and it's always flip-flopping between making the decision or committing to the decision. And it's interesting to learn and I got only a few for myself. You can of course speak for you. But it's like there's there's so much that goes on in our life that we have to make in terms of decisions, adjustments, day to day, that really the amount of time that we spend you know flopping around in land of uncertainty is really just a lot of time wasting. And if you can make it through where you can get into a place where you feel confident about the choices that you're making and you actually fully commit to those things, your life becomes a lot simpler, a lot simpler because basically you just get to make the choice and then follow through with whatever thing you make. However, there are a lot of people that of course don't live their life like that and that is why their life seems to be filled

2:07with a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, a lot of overwhelm because they're bouncing back and forth is this the right choice? Did I say the right thing? Am I doing the right thing? And yeah, that's kind of where we are going to start from here. I think, and I'd love to hear your perspective on this as well too, but I think a lot of the times people have a hard time trusting themselves in uncertainty because people want to see the outcome, people want to see the guarantee, people want to see the result, people want to see the outcome right away, but that would be certainty. And life isn't certain, even when you think about going to school and you go to university and you get a job, that's supposed to be the certain path, you're supposed to go to college, you're supposed to go to university to get this degree, then to work a nine to five job, that's more certain than let's say like being an entrepreneur which might be a little bit more

3:11uncertain, but you can still have a nine to five job and should be uncertain. You could go to college, go to university, and then there's like no jobs in your field, right? So it's like I think a lot of the times people want to know like what's the what's the right path? What should I do? Like I have to be certain about the path, but even when you think you're on the path of certainty, there could still be uncertainty. I think people confuse the word uncertainty with security. Yeah, yeah, or safety, right? We're safety exactly. Where you're looking at making a choice, you're looking at like is this going to guarantee something or is this going to lock in an outcome? And it just doesn't. I think like the reason why you and I have a lot of conversations about this is not necessarily because like our, let me pedal back, a lot of the clients that we work with in two totally different fields by the way, these people show up and they're like here's what I'm

4:12thinking, here's what I want to do, here's the decisions that are making on, how do I reinforce this decision? And it's a lot different than the person who let's say comes to you in a friend group and they're like, Oh, I've been thinking about this for weeks and you're like, girl, what are you doing? Like what do you mean you've been thinking about this for weeks, right? And the difference is not in the outcome or it's in the aspect of like, oh, this is going to be this safer choice. Like the people we speak to still take risks and they're still making big decisions. The difference is one of them has the confidence to know that it is all going to work out for them in their favor. And the other person is trying to still decide if that is something that they want. And this is where like certainty and uncertainty has a lot to do with doubt, with confidence and really with your desire with whatever it is you're choosing. And it's literally so self-sabotaging. Like you can even think about let's say two people that are, you know, joining a program, right? And so person one is like, I don't have certainty this is going to work, obviously.

5:19Like there's no guarantees in life, right? But you know, I'm going to trust that I've made the right decision and I'm going to use all my energy towards like implementing the tools showing up for myself and they're going to be miles ahead compared to someone else two months and three months and six months in. It's still like, I don't know. It was just the right decision. I don't know. Is this going to work for me? Instead of actually using the tools that are going to change their life, they're using that energy to be like, I don't know. And it's like, it's so self-sabotaging because you could be so much further along if you weren't so in your head. Uncertaining means you're not fully in. Yeah, it's like half in, half out. And you can't, you can't be the person in between the door. You can't be trying to hold the door knob and then try to see as much as it was in the room. Eventually you have to let go of the door and that means that the door is going to close. That's the whole point of, you know, going through and walking through different rooms

6:23of life is you're going to have to make those decisions to to navigate in. But it's crazy to me because I feel like especially now where people used to experience uncertainty really in just a couple of areas of their life, right? There was an uncertainty with finances like, let me work to get a job that's really stable. There was uncertainty in relationship, which is like, oh, I'm struggling to find my partner. Is this person the one? And then there's the uncertainty of like the future, right? When you're a kid, you're like, what do I want to do? Like, who do I want to be? What does this look like? There's uncertainty there. Now it seems like people have created all of these realities where uncertainty exists everywhere. And we kind of fall for it, you know? We're watching social media. We're falling for, you know, all of it. We're uncertain with politics. We're uncertain with the economy. We're uncertain with this. And so you start taking a lot of other people's uncertainties and you start taking a lot of that energy and you just start letting

7:26it cloud your world and you're filling your world and everything around you with all of the circumstances that really have nothing to do with you and that are completely out of your control. Like really, you know, you can vote, but one vote, you're probably not going to change what happens, right? You can do your best to show up there, but what's going to happen to the economy is going to happen to the economy. What's going to happen at your workplace is going to happen at your workplace. You cannot change and manipulate all these environments. The only thing that you can do is change how you're showing up to these environments and that's where the level of uncertainty is. It's your preparation to go in and to fully lean in in those decisions. And I think also too, it's like, you know, what's like the next best step? People often think like 25 steps ahead, but it's like, what is the next step forward? You know, like even when it comes to, you know, whether it's like your workouts, right? It's like, oh, like what's my workout plan

8:29for the next eight weeks? Like that sentence is so overwhelming or like, you know, what's it going to be like when I start a business? Like I have to do the funnels and I have to do the ads and it's with email marketing and it's like you become overwhelmed or like when I become bench-free, like all the steps involved, it's like, what do you have to do today? What do you just have to do this morning? Like what is your workout for today? What is your, what is your, you know, meal going to be for lunch today? Instead of thinking 25 steps ahead because that actually creates more uncertainty and it creates more overthinking, more procrastination when it's just like, what's like the next move? Even when it comes to like, let's say you've just like overean, right? And you're like, crap, like I'm like, so full, I don't know how, like what should I eat for my next meal? Should I eat? Should I not eat? Because like, I know I probably should eat because well, it's been a few hours, but I'm still so full, I don't know. And it's like, well, you don't have to think about what you're going to eat for the rest of the day. It's just I'm going to make

9:34a decision right now during this meal. And it's like one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, not thinking about, you know, the 25 steps ahead of time because in that, it becomes overwhelming and again, you literally become paralyzed. So where do you want to begin to help people unpack, like the act of becoming more certain? Because I feel like there's two pieces, people are like, well, how can I build the trust to become more certain to myself? And then there's the other piece of like, how do I remove the doubt? Because doubting is a lot of that separation. Yeah. Well, the first thing is what I just talked about. It's like, choose the best option that's available for you right in that moment. And again, you're like, you're not going to know people like, well, learn about what's what's the right option, A or B. But uncertainty is I don't know. So I'm going to go with this option. I'm just going to choose what I believe is the best option right now. And then the second thing is to allow yourself to experience that choice.

10:40So a lot of the time people would make a decision. And then they'll be like, oh, but maybe I should have chose the other one. Or maybe I should have went this way. Again, that creates more uncertainty. So when you choose an option, you have to let yourself fully experience it. No second guessing. No going back to the past. No what ifs. Oh, but maybe I should have chose this. That's you getting in your head. So you make a decision. You fully experience the decision. And then after you do a reflection period, right? So it's like, what felt good? Do I want to make adjustments? You know, do I want to repeat this step? Do I want to continue moving forward in this path? Or can I make adjustments? But there doesn't need to be a period of time where you let yourself experience the decision that you made. Because you're not going to know if it was the right decision. If you make a decision and like 20 seconds later, you're like, hold on. Maybe I should do the other option. I think another point to add to is let's say it's not the right decision. Yeah.

11:43That's okay because we can make that decision right by making an adjustment. A large part of building certainty is not the act of choosing right all the time. It's the act of making right all the time in which when you choose something and you declare, I'm going to do this. I'm going to become this person. I'm going to take this job where I'm going to take on this responsibility. If it doesn't work, you make it work in a way that's going to work for you or you make an adjustment, you pivot away because you're still building confidence. Building confidence is when you are making the choices and the changes to correct the mistakes where people start to lose confidence and where people start to let doubt creep in is like, and maybe this is you, you're like, oh man, when it comes to my finances, I just make really poor choices. Is it that you make poor choices or is it that you choose and then you don't correct the mistakes so you keep reinforcing habits of every time I make a financial decision, it just happens to be

12:44botched. And learning, I came across this a lot of different times in building our business and also when it came to building businesses really easy examples, but also when it came to at the very beginning of like relationships, how we communicate with each other, the way that we approach conversations in terms of like how do we make sure we're on the same page all the time or reading the same book because sometimes you're not going to be on the same page. These are the things where it's like something can happen and then you let that, whatever happens, you're either going to let it be a reaction or something you're going to avoid or you have to let it be something that you're going to actively confront. When we are reacting or when we are stepping away from something, that's when we start to avoid. And I feel like a lot of people build out in their lives because they're avoiding either fully making the choice or they're avoiding correcting the mistake. And I can tell you, sometimes correcting your mistake is not easy like you make a choice

13:45and you're like, oh man, like, what a wrong person that I just got into a relationship with, like, this really sucks. Cool, you know, or like, Lauren and I talked about like, imagine bringing in like a family member in your house and then all of a sudden this person gets like blurgers. And by the way, we don't have any of these family members. That's good for us. But it's like, what if you brought a family member in your home and then at some point like halfway, like, they just became a belligerent human being and you're like, holy shit, I realize I have to tell this person to leave. It's not comfortable. It's not an easy thing. But do you just like, I hope they leave on their own and watch it get progressively worse? Or do you make that decision to be like, Hey, I got to show you the door and it's time for you to be able to leave. And this is where like, you know, like even emotional eating happens because it's like, I don't know what to say to this person. I don't know what to do with this person. So I'm not going to speak up. I'm not going to own my truth. I'm going to bottle up all these emotions because I don't know

14:46what to say. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing. So I'm uncertain. Now I'm going to feel all these feelings while this person is here and that person's going to leave. And I'm going to still be with these uncomfortable emotions that I don't know how to feel. And I'm uncertain because like, are these bad feelings? Like, should I be feeling this? Is this wrong? Should I have said something? And then that's obviously when you're turning to food, right? So I think a lot of the time people try to find clarity. Like, I need to know like, right thing to say, right thing to do. But certainty comes through like action and just like taking, just taking action, like just, just doing something, taking one step forward. And then you collect data. You don't try to figure out like, what's the right move? You just make the move. You collect the data, right? Through taking action. And then that's actually how you find clarity. You create it. Yeah. A great acronym is

15:51car, right? The first thing is is correction. We have to correct if it is a mistake. The second is this aspect of like appreciation. We do have to appreciate like whenever we are making good moves and we're seeing that. And then there's reflection. We have to take an opportunity for us to look at all of the decisions that we have made, right? And say, well, what did I do there? differently than the choices that I've made in the past. And that helps us build evidence for us to be more certain. And the reason why I like the acronym of cars, because like a vehicle, when you fuel it consistently and you're hopping in the driver's seat, relatively speaking 99% of the time, the car is going to go straight if you hold the steering wheel straight. And that's a pretty easy and steady and stable ride. You control the gas. You control the fuel that goes in. And you have control over your life. Yeah. Yeah. We were even talking like I wrote this quote down. And I said, your life isn't waiting for you to feel certain. It's waiting for you to participate.

16:56And Andrew talks about like getting into the driver's seat of your life. Like, you got to actually participate in life. You have to like, you know, you actually have to get into the arena. You have to get into the front seat of the car. If you want to get to the end destination, right? You don't need to know, like, you don't need to know what even the end destination is going to look like or how far it's going to be from where you are here. It's like what you got to do is you got to get into the car, right? You can use your GPS if you want to support you, right? There's things in life that we could use to support us in getting to where we want to go, right? Like a coach, a mentor GPS, whatever it is. But you actually have to like get into the car and you actually have to start driving to your destination. You actually have to participate. Think about, you know, how I got used to watch a lot of like hockey with my dad. And, you know, how they would have like a second backup goalie. Yeah. Like, do you want to be the backup

17:58goalie? Who's like watching the game? Or do you want to? That's so savage. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. Guys is hoping you can get on the ice, but it's true, right? It's, it's, but it's true. It's like they're on the bench and they're watching other people having the time of their lives doing what they love the most. So do you want to be on the bench or do you want to be a player? Do you want to be a participant or do you want to be one of those bench people? Bench people, right? And it's, you know, it's like, but I don't know. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I'm good enough. Like, maybe I'm better than me. So I'm going to let I'm going to let them play. I'm going to let them do their thing. And I'm just going to be over here. And you're literally watching as everybody else is happy experiencing joy going after what it is that they want. And you're still on the sidelines because you're not certain. If you can do it, you're not certain. If you're going to be good enough, you're not certain. That person that's on the rank or in the arena or playing the

19:04game, they might not have certainty. But they're like, I'm freaking participating. And I'm going to smack in the ball with my face. And it's going to be a shit show. But like, I'm out there. I'm participating. I'm going to get better. I'm going to get stronger. I'm going to fall down. I'm going to get back up. I'm going to be further along than just waiting watching sitting here. Yeah. Right. And this is the act of like the building confidence requires repetition. So just like if you were going to practice once a year, compared to a person who's practicing three times a week, it's going to be a significant difference between the skills of both people. Yeah. So uncertainty is just a certainty is just as powerful as intuition is just as powerful as identity. These are all things that you have to put in repetitions for. It's like a muscle. You have to continue to strengthen it. You fuel it. You put it under tension. And that means that also like, you know, to Lorna's comment about being a player on the field, you also have to be

20:09the player that's willing to, you don't just want to be a player. You want to be a player that faces the best teams because the way that you get better is putting yourself in a situations that continue to challenge you. And this is where if we want to become more confident in certain in the decisions that we make, we have to start making bigger choices. Yeah. Like you're not going to grow a level of certainty by picking what to eat for lunch. Maybe at one point in your life, whether it was your relationship with food or different things, that was the biggest choice in front of you. You're like, oh man, I just need to figure out what I got to eat for lunch today. Cool. But once you've played that game once or twice, you're like, okay, what is the next big choice? And there's always big decisions. There's always big choices that are in front of us that either we're avoiding and we're like, I don't know if I'm so ready for it yet or that we're confronting and we're going head on into. And this is where I really like to tell people, like, you have an ability and the ability is called like, I mean, it's a form of foresight. But basically,

21:14we can play out a scenario. We can play out the absolute worst case scenario for something. And we can play the best case scenario. And we can do it with every single thing, these role plays. When it comes to negative, if it's like a hard conversation, you have to have with someone, say all of the things, the worst that they could ever say to you. And usually nine times out of 10, the end of the conversation goes, well, okay, I guess we can't talk to each other and you walk away. It's not going to kill you. It's not the end of the world, right? The same thing when it comes to, you know, relationship with food or decision at work. It's like, you can go all the conversations go bad. And it's like worst case scenario, you don't get the promotion, the job stays the same. The worst case scenario always ends up being nothing changes. Or you're ready in a place like perhaps you're even at worst case scenario. Well, for sure. Because things, in my opinion, can only get better. Well, and this is where the other side of the foresight plays. When you play

22:17the best case scenario, and you see the potential, the potential in having the hard conversation, the potential in asking for the raise and stepping into your faith, all of these things that take you to the next level, the benefits will always outweigh the worst case scenario. Because worst case scenario is nothing changes. Best case scenario is you have everything to gain and more through the experience of being more confident. And if you go and you'll listen to, my favorite player, soccer player, is Renault Locos and Portuguese, of course, God be a Renault but in his very, very broken English, he talks about like, it started every morning with like, I just have to get up and do the coltub. Then it was, I just have to get up and do the coltub and the treadmill run. I just have to get up and it was just always what's the next step? What's the next thing that people are willing to do? What's the next thing that I have to put in? And he did it one thing at a time until the point people were like, wow, like you're doing 300

23:18things. He didn't see it as 300 things. It was always just the next step, the next challenge, that next thing. And because he pushed himself, he ended up becoming, in my opinion, I'll say in my opinion, one of the greatest soccer players ever. But it's just a great example to show you that anything is possible if you truly lean in. And there's levels, right? So like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, like getting in a cold plunge, but like the first step that he shared, like, yeah, that's uncomfortable. But then like, you master that. And then it's like, okay, well, I can't just keep on doing that and expecting myself to like grow or like get better. So like, what's the next step that I can add? Okay, you know what? I'm going to do a 30-minute treadmill run. Okay, well then what's the next step after that, right? And when it comes to you guys watching, right? It's like, some of you guys might even be like, okay, I joined a program and we're doing coaching through Zoom. And like, out of my comfort zone, but like, I'm in my comfort zone, like behind my screen, like I'm still at home. And like, that's comfortable for me,

24:23even though it was like a stretch for me. Okay, great. But then it's like, ooh, like maybe I got to actually stretch even more out of my comfort zone. And it's like, I got to get in the room, I got to like be in person with people like, holy moly, wait, I'm awkward. Wait, I'm an introvert. Wait, like, they're going to see me in person like, holy shit. Okay, that's the next move, right? So it's not just like making one small, not one small move, but it's not just about making that one move that's going to stretch you. That's going to make you feel uncertain. It's like, yes, amazing. Then let's build on that because the more you can be uncertain, it's like the more certainty you actually do have because you become certain in yourself that no matter what you're going to be okay. Oh, absolutely. You know, well, actually, you shared a really great example of driving in a fog. Yeah, we talked about we got the worst worst fog in Simco. Well, I want to share that example. Like, remember that one time I was driving to your house.

25:28He was living at his parents house, living at my parents house. And I had a drive to his house. I swear to God, I literally thought I was going to die. Like, I actually thought I was going to die. I had to go on. So deal with uncertainty. You're going to be okay. So there's like this ramp. It's literally like, you know, like Mario Party and you're on the rainbow thing and you're like, I'm literally going to fall off and like, it was ridiculous. I could not see. And I had a point where I thought to myself, I could drive back home. That is an option to go back home. And you're comfort zone. But I said to myself, I'm still going to be uncomfortable driving back to my house. And I'm also not going to get to my destination. So I'm still going to feel the uncertainty, but I'm back home. Or I can be in the uncertainty, but get to the destination of what I actually want. So you're going to deal with uncertainty either way, right? Like, if I went back

26:33home, it's like, holy shit, like I still have to drive home. Like that's still going to be scary. But I'm going to be at home and I won't be with him. And we went with my parents. Like, no, I want to be with him. Right. So it's like, you're still going to be uncertain. But one is almost like back at square one. And the other one is like, you go a little bit further and you actually get to your destination. But you know what though? That's where most people get caught in between. Yeah. The in between where it's just as uncomfortable to go back because it is forward. So you don't move. How many people do you see whenever it's a heavy snowstorm or fog? Yeah. Pull the car over and they say, I'm going to wait it out. Yeah. Maybe that works for fog that doesn't work for life. Because life isn't something that you can wait out. At some point, you're going to have to hop back on the road and you're going to have to move your car and staying in the in between. This doesn't mean like there are times where in your life, like maybe it's not a growth stage and maybe

27:33you're just enjoying where you are. That's fine. And that's a different feeling. Yeah. But the areas in your life and what you're like, oh, like I feel stagnant. I feel like something has to change. I feel like I'm capable of more. Those are all indicators that you need to get your ass back on the road. Yeah. Right. Because turning around is just going to be frustrating or being in square one. Yeah. And it's why people don't like the feeling of restarting things because it's more challenging. Yeah. Right. Like going and then coming back is more effort than just going. Right. There's more momentum. Right. When you what's a like when you push a ball in motion, like at state or you push an object in motion, it stays in motion. Right. Once you push the ball in motion, right. Once you initially push the ball, it just rolls, rolls, rolls, rolls. But it's like it takes effort to like start pushing the ball, right. But once you push the ball, you're in a state of momentum. So once you get over the hump of like, hum, huh. I don't know. Is this the right thing?

28:38And you just make a decision. Then it's a little bit easier. I'm so annoyed that I don't know this scientific word right now. There's not a scientific word. It's just objects that stay in motion or objects that. Yeah. Energy and motion stays in motion. Right. And I know there's a word for it, honey. Come on, Aaron. Aaron knows all the. Oh, saying phrases. It's not a free. There's a scientific name for it. And it's not momentum. I already could be momentum, but this is this is absolutely brutal. It'll come to me at some point, but it's easier to continue going. It's easier to keep. I'm sure. Like, people think about how many times you guys have dieted or anyone, like, you know, restarted a business or like re-entered a relationship, even with a relationship, it's like you have to introduce yourself. You got to ask, what are your values? You know, do you want to get married? You want to have kids? Okay, this is my past. Like this is like, and it's a lot of effort. Thank you. Yeah. It's Aaron's just a freaking best. That's what I'm talking about.

29:38We got it. We got it. We're being supported. Yeah. Thanks, Aaron. We're catching up. We really not science people. No, not math people whatsoever. Yes. Except you're like numbers and calculations. Yes. But like, she's the, she is the flow. And I am the put the flow in a box. And let's structure the box. Literally. And I'm like, get me out of the box. This is why we work very well together. But yeah, like, you know, even like, restarting diets or like, in a relationship, it's like, there's so much effort up front. But it's still effort as you're doing it. Right? So it's like, you start to diet and it's effort. But then it's like still challenging as you're doing it. And it doesn't feel like you're like getting anywhere because you fail. And then you go back to square one, right? Versus you, you find a sustainable plan. It's like,

30:40it should feel easy, even though there's going to be challenges, even though you're going to have to like, you know, you might have to question yourself, okay, like, I don't know, do I really want to go to the social event and eat it out again? And like, I'm kind of bloated. Like, there's going to be questions. There's going to be uncertainty. But it's more like ease and flow versus like something that is start and stop, start and stop. It takes so much energy out of you. And you can be using that energy to put toward decisions that actually matter like, you know, parenting or like, you know, other things. And that's the thing. Not every decision has the same weight. You can't treat it like it's the same weight. That becomes so exhausting. Yeah. And I feel like that's less of an uncertainty. And that's more of an identity issue. Okay. Where there is a person and, you know, we all know this person who it's like every little choice from putting on their socks to the clothes they wear to the things that they do, they can't make a single choice before

31:45turning to their partner. What do you think? And it's like, just, just pick. Like it's, it's, that is more of an identity thing. And sometimes we can get caught in our heads when we have gone to a place where we don't have enough trust in ourselves to even do small things like that. But not every choice requires something that is such a large decision. Like, Lord and I are always weighing the costs of like, you know, how much, like what is the value of our time versus just doing this friggin thing? Because if we're going to spend six hours unpacking this, can we just spend two hours doing it? And then we've saved four hours of time. And a lot of the times people say, like, I don't have like time. But how much time are you, are you spending thinking about the thing that you want to do versus doing the things? And it can be like simple things or can be large decisions, whether it's like, you know, like, I know like, should I go to the bank? Should I like do laundry today?

32:46Like, I don't know, maybe I should. And like, we push off and everybody does this, right? It's like, then you push it off, but you're still thinking about it versus like tackling it and you feel so much better. And then you don't have them, like, then the mental capacity becomes like, you have a greater capacity because you're not thinking about the thing that you were supposed to do last week. But you moved it and you push it off and it's still on your mind. Or can be bigger decisions, right? Of like, yeah, man, like, I really want to change. Like, I want to be the best example to my children. I want to be the best role model. And like every single day, you're like looking at your children and you're like, like, I know things should change. But like, like, I'm too tired of like, maybe one day, like, and like, that's like, it's so heavy, you know? And then it bleeds into every single, you know, other decision because you don't have the capacity to make those other decisions because you're boggled down or weighed down by this one decision that you could have made that could have saved you some of more time and energy. I think we make things heavy by putting a certain amount of weight to it because we're so focused on the outcome or we're so focused on what's

33:52going to happen afterwards that we put a lot of a weight to it. A weight or weight, a decision is something that can be made just like that if you really, if you truly want it. And I'm sure you can think about things in your life like, you know, our decision to move here, our choice to get together. Like, these were very, these were things where we didn't have to have any information. We didn't have to second guess. We just made the choice. And when we made the choice, we dealt with the outcomes and whatever everything came with afterwards because there's always steps afterwards. But sometimes we say, well, I need to know all the steps and all this stuff and everything and then what about this? And now the sun we're putting all the work before the choice. And then by the time you make the choice, the work still exists. You still have to do all of that stuff, right? And it's just a matter of getting comfortable choosing knowing that if you make the wrong choice, you can always go back and correct it later. Like there's no, I guess, uncorrectable. There's nothing worse though than wishing you made a decision, but you didn't and then you missed

34:56out on the opportunity because opportunities are only presented at certain times. Yeah, that's true. And if you're living an uncertainty and you're waiting for the next round of opportunities, like a merry-go-round, that's not life. An opportunity is presented to you and if you don't take it, that opportunity is gone. And just an example, even if someone who's coming to the end of that ass event this year, she said to me that she's like, you know, when you first presented the first event, I wanted to go. I wanted to go. But I told myself, like, I don't know if I can do it, like, I don't know what I'm above all these things. And she missed the opportunity. This is her words. And she's like, I regretted it. And the first event happened, right? So she's like, I'm going to get my ticket for the second event because I want to be there. I don't want to miss. Another opportunity that's being presented to me. This opportunity being presented to me,

35:57you know, I have a choice. I could not take it or I can. But if it's something that I want to do, I don't want to look back at my life saying, like, I wish I should have, I could have, you know, but I didn't. It's like, I either feel confident to be like, no, or I feel confident to say, yes, but there's nothing worse than like, I wanted to, but like, I didn't. Yeah. Actually, I don't know if you know this, but in high school, I volunteered in a nursing home to get my 40 hours. And when I was in the nursing home, it started off with the mindset of, I just need 40 hours. And then once I hit 40 hours, I'm done. Like, I'm out. That was it. I ended up volunteering there for three years because I was put in rooms with elderly people. And when I was having conversations with them, people couldn't walk, people who could barely talk, people who were non-functional, people who were dissociating. And I was asking them about, like, what brought you here? What was this? Nine times out of the 10, the first conversation that we always led to

37:00was the things that they didn't get to do, the stuff that they really missed out on and all of the regrets that they had. And they were so eager to share with me, never to live a life filled with any type of regret whatsoever, because there's an illegitimate cost to leaving things on the table, right? In business, we call it opportunity cost. In life, we just call it life. There's a reason why they made a board game on it. And it's not fun. You know, like, I always somehow ended up with no money and I kept seven kids in the car. I didn't have enough spaces to put the seats, but it's like just listening to them and seeing all of the times where they said, I wish I called that person. I wish I got into the relationship. One person, oh, I wish I wish I could have told that guy that I loved him. And I just didn't, which was like, oh, like, that's so heartbreaking. I feel like that's a movie. But like, there are opportunities that we receive all the time, opportunities to join different communities, opportunities to be in the room filled with people who are at our same level who are working towards the same things.

38:04Hi Tracy. We're gifted opportunities love. We're gifted opportunities of like how we can be present and create communities of our own and build relationships. And the question becomes, if you're not going to take the opportunity, what are you going to take instead? Because if the answer to taking an opportunity is do nothing, that's not an answer to an opportunity. We can decline opportunities. We can see something come into our life and say, look, this ain't for me. Cool. That's fine. But if you're getting a poll and the answer or response you've been giving is delay, delay, delay or nothing, that becomes a problem. That's going to become a future regret. I'm going to be doing a video on this. But I'm going to do a completely like a whole live on this. I really want to dive deeper into this. But remember when I was presented the opportunity in at the end of 2024 where it was you could go to a 400 person event and pay a small price point. It was like 497 or you can join

39:11like a five person intimate retreat. And it was like 10k for the ticket, like 20k basically for the weekend. And I kept on saying like, I don't know why I don't want to go to this like 400 person event. But I was like, it doesn't like, I don't want to go. So I clearly stated, I don't want to go. And I made the decision, even when everyone else was going, 400 people were going to be in the room. I said that wasn't for me. But what I could not ignore was this feeling of like, I want to be in an intimate space. Like even if the price is like five times, or what's I can't do math? What from 497 to like 10k? I mean, a million. I can't do math. Okay, whatever. It doesn't matter. Sure. We'll go. Even if it was like so much more, that's what I wanted. And I couldn't ignore. I remember we were sitting on the park bench. And I, you know, shared with you, it was like, hey, like there's a weekend event that I want to go to. And it's 10k. But like, I want to go to it.

40:15And like this 400 person event, it's like 497, but like, I don't like, I'm awkward. I'm a freaking introvert. Like, I would have a panic attack if I was in a room with 400 people. I think the big thing that we talked about, the thing that we talked about with that though, is that you were going to feel like you were just a number. Like you were going to be in the room, but not actually be seen. And that is uncertain. Like, I'm like, I'm so, like, that's uncertain to me. I don't know how I'm going to feel in a room full of 400 people. And like, even with like the five person event, there was still uncertainty. There was still a shit in my pants. There was still a lot of like, I don't know, but I couldn't ignore the feeling. And that's what I wanted to bring forward. When it feels like, no, say no. But when it feels like, I meant to do this. I meant to say, yes, I meant to, but I'm holding myself back. I'm letting my fear hold me back. I'm letting my doubt hold me back. I'm letting uncertainty hold me back. But what if I'm not good enough? What

41:16I'm from not qualified enough? What if I don't know the people? What if what if this, this, this, it's like that man that robs you so much joy because you're thinking about it the whole time between that and when like the thing actually happens, you're just spending all that time thinking about it. There's something that I call fake work. And fake work is where people like to be in thinking and planning. I'm thinking about doing something. I'm planning on doing something. Let me create a list to do something. And it looks like you're very busy. And it looks like it's very productive. And it's a color coded calendar. And it looks great. And I used to live in that land. And I still have a color coded calendar. The difference is as I move on this stuff. And I don't just keep rethinking, re planning, retooling, recreating, going back to the drawing board, thinking again, like at some point you actually have to like move on that. And that's where you know, everyone listening and watching whether it's like you're watching live with us or

42:17or you're going to listen to the recording after this, there's there's really four stages of like this level of uncertainty and moving through your life. There's being, there's thinking, there's planning. And then there's acting. The times where we don't spend enough time in is being in the acting stage. Being is like, let's be in this energy. Let's feel what it feels like to feel fulfilled to go there, put myself there, be in the room, fill those people, have the energy meeting. What does that feel like? Then I'm going to think, how can I make this happen? How can I make this better? What are the things that I can do to put this together? Only then do you plan. And the planning isn't, let me lay out step by step process of everything I'm doing. The plan is what's the next step. The next step is I got to apply. I got to join. I got to purchase the ticket. Whatever that next step is, that's what you have to do. Only when you do that, do you then act. An action is one of the smallest things that you really have to put a lot of thought behind

43:23because if your energy and your thought process and the alignment that's behind it, acting becomes very simple. It's do or don't. Yeah, just do. Yeah. It's do or don't. So if it's always thinking planning, thinking planning, thinking planning, then maybe you need to do more acting and more being. And that's hard for some people because that means that we actually have to step into ourselves instead of always being outside of ourselves. This is where we have to think. We have to think about like, how are we feeling? What is coming up inside of me? That's the internal work. And a lot of the reasons why the first unsolved badass event was created and why we did the second and we're probably going to be doing more is because we've recognized so much people have an abundance of tools. We know what we need to be doing. We have all the tools, the systems, the processes. We technically know all of the action steps. And yet for some reason, there's either a

44:26hesitation to implement or we're implementing, but they don't feel like they're fitting right. And it's not the tool. It's not you have to turn it left a little bit and then it's going to slide in like a key. It's the person using it. And that's where you have to start to say, well, what is the identity that I'm holding currently? How am I operating and thinking every single day? What type of alignment am I coming from to look at all of these things? Am I seeing them as problems? Or am I seeing them as opportunities? And then when I move on something, how long does it take me to move? Is it an hour or is it like I move and then it moves through? All of this though plays a role into how certain you feel, how fulfilled you feel, and really how clear your life for this day to day. Yeah. So good. Yeah. All the fun. Yes. I feel like we crushed this episode, destroyed it. It was good. And again, if you guys are loving these episodes, like these are

45:28like a teaser of what to expect at the end of all the Aras event, we're actually going to be in the physical room. It's a small intimate event. We're literally two months away. We have legs behind here. Yeah. And you know, this is where we're really going to help you be able to take the action that you specifically need, right? Like here, we're giving a lot of like information, but once you're at the unstoppable Aras event, it's like we're putting all these things into motion, right? It's like, this is where you truly become unstoppable. You're not stopped by anything, right? It's like your, uh, Erin, so sweet. Love your TEDx talk. Andrew, very powerful message, and I share the link with several friends and family. Erin's the best. Like literally, she's the greatest human in the world. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful people are seeing it. I love it. Yeah. She said she loved when you got emotional. That's, yeah, I couldn't, couldn't help it. I care about this lady too much, and she makes me emotional, but that there's nothing wrong with that.

46:32So I feel your feelings. You're a lot of you emotional, even as a man, you're a lot of you on a stage with like on a YouTube channel, like 44 million views and let yourself feel like there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Um, but he's going to be coming to the unstoppable Aras event. He's going to be doing a talk. Yeah. We're probably going to have multiple talks of being Q&A with Andrew and I as well too. So the, the biggest difference is when you're in the room is like we see you. Like we see you. You're supported. You're held. There's like action steps that are custom to use that you can walk away. And it wasn't just like, oh, like I learned something. It's like, oh, I can use this in my life. This is how I'm, oh, I'm already starting to feel more confident. I'm already tapped to my, to my intuition because we're literally going to be doing exercises that help you build your intuition that help you stop overthinking that actually helps you transform

47:33and implement these tools that you can become unstoppable. Right. And like that's what I'm most excited about. It's not like you come to this event. Right. And you learn something and you fly back home with like a page of notes, like a notebook full of information. Throw your freaking notebook out the frickin window. Don't even bring it on the plane with you. And come experience the transformations that you get home and you're transformed. You are that confident badass woman. You are intuitive. You can be spontaneous and go with the flow. I still am so shocked when Andrew's like, you're this spontaneous. Go with the flow person because when he first met me, I was not spontaneous and I was not going with the flow. I need to control everything. What time are we going? When? Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? Right. But you can transform. Right. When you put yourself in these rooms and spaces. So the unstoppable badass event is literally two months away. What's happening in Toronto in person small, very intimate event where you're truly going to

48:33become the unstoppable badass woman within you who is an intuitive, spontaneous, who feels amazing in your own skin, who has an effortless relationship with food. And you truly feel like the woman that's within you. Like she doesn't feel like some distant person. Like I wish I could be there one day. Like I want to feel confident. I want to have an effortless relationship with food. I want to be more calm. I want to be more patient with my kids. I want to be a role model. No, you are her. We're going to help bridge the gap. So you actually be her every single day. And that's when you really feel unstoppable. 100%. She already exists within you. That's the most important part. Did you guys see my luggage? Oh, yeah. Maybe you'll have to drop the luggage. We'll bring it on the next slide. So if you show up to the next live live, you're going to see the luggage. Well, I post it on my real on my Instagram. Okay, well, for those of you who did it, you're going to be seeing the luggage anyways because it's just one more thing. Like if you go, like if you're going to do something go big, you know, I'm just the excited. It literally says coming home to myself. And that's what I truly love so much. It's like, you know, you deciding to

49:36come to this event is you decided to make yourself a priority. It's like I'm choosing to come home to the badass woman within me. I don't need anything outside of myself. I have all the answers within me, but I got to start seeing myself that way. I got to see my power. I got to see that I have all the confidence, all the strength, all the wisdom within me. Come home to yourself. So yeah, I love it. It is me 30th and the 31st. Well, of course, drop the link underneath the a lot. No, there's no link. You got to message me. Oh, damn, cake. Sorry. You got to message me. Because it is an intimate space, I want to have a conversation first. I can share all the details with you. Make sure it's like a perfect fit. And cool. Beautiful. Thank you guys so much for watching live and hopping on another episode of Teen Teachings. Make sure you guys hop on our next live, which is going to be next week. It's going to come up faster than you know, we are going to be tuning in. The next one is SFPM as well too. Correct. I got to check the calendar.

50:36So all right. Well, we will be dropping the calendar details under this one and that we will definitely do under this live. But thanks guys for watching. Love y'all. And we will see you on the next episode. Bye.