Day 437 || how to defuse I

Build the connection before you reach for the correction.

a lot of communication does happen non verbally - so offer kindness and listening and empathy through your expressions. If you’re standing, face the person directly but don’t tower or “muscle up”, show you’re receptive by sitting up straight and actively listening to the speaker. 

People who roll their eyes and shake their head and keep attempting to speak over others are far less likely to actually get any points across because it only serves to escalate emotions and trigger people’s fear of feeling unheard and disrespected.

But obviously verbal communication is VERY important to manage and streamline as well. If you can continuously approach people with a respectful tone regardless of how angry, frustrated, or petty you feel; you’re ahead of the game. 

Maybe it comes in the form of being more passive, or sarcastic, or some of us are more direct - but tone and expression can change the entire conversation - even if the words you say are identical. Saying - “I’m feeling like you didn’t understand me” can come off very different than “I’m feeling like you didn’t understand me” 

When a conversation is getting tense, it can be good to reassure the other person, that you’re on their team and you’re acting in good faith and not attempting to pull the rug out from under them. This will allow them to let their guard down and trust you so they aren’t coming from as much of a defensive and shut down place. Remember, if someone has their defenses up, those shields block EVERYTHING from entering - including logic and reasoning. So the key is deescalate so they know that they are safe with you. 

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