0:00Episode 4183, don't let the calendar replace the connection. Mom's, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate, and renew whom you are in mind body and spirit. Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie, the show that help you do just that. Here's your host, Certified Life Coach, personal trainer, and nutritionist, Kristian Wardo. Happy every day, can you believe it? It's the weekend? I'm so excited. Come on. There's some great things happening right now, and I know it's hard coming off of a holiday week along with 9-11 and in remembrance of and that we'll never forget. But we also have to remember who we're sleeping with, right? We've got to know our spouse is better, so don't let the calendar replace the connection. For those of you are brand-new to Create Your Now, welcome to this incredible family. I'm so delighted to be a presence. If you already haven't had the opportunity, you'll want to head on over to CreateYourNow.com, where you can learn more and sign up for the Kisses newsletter. They keep it simple strategy,

1:01everyday solutions, to live, love, and impact. With this episode, it's brought to you by AIM, Inspiring Connection, and Community. Why do you hope you're having a great weekend? Get some good games in, and you know what? If nothing else, you know when I watch football or I watch tennis, and you know, all of it, there's just so much coming at us. I mean, there's golf on everything. I'm like, go out and do it with your kids. Go out and do it with your spouse. I was driving by a driving range, you know, for golf, and I thought, you know what? It would be feel really good just to go hit some balls. So instead of doing it by myself, go with your spouse. I just want to encourage you to spend time together, because so much of our lives are spent apart. And that's really what I want to talk to you about, right? You married your best friend. You both chose each other, and somewhere along the way, the life you're building together started pulling you apart. Not because the love faded, but because everything else got louder.

2:01You're not fighting. You're not even frustrated with each other most days. You're just missing each other, sitting in the same house, but living in different rhythms. And that quiet distance, it didn't happen because of one bad day. It happened one full week at a time. So when life crowds in on your marriage, don't let the calendar replace the connection. But see, this is what I've learned in my 33 years of marriage, 36 and a half years of being dedicated to one person, one man, my amazing husband, who yes, tries me crazy, who has quirks, who I just sometimes think, why is he doing that? But I love him anyway. And in learning all of that and seeing marriage through different eyes, from different perspectives, working with clients and friends and even strangers. I mean, I can go to the grocery store and next thing you know, I get this live story about where they are

3:03in their marriage. And I'm thinking, okay, I must have been wearing my sign. Why share that with you to let you know that the biggest threat to most marriages is not an affair. It isn't a blowout argument or even falling out of love. It's the slow, quiet drift that happens when two people are so consumed with doing life that they forget to do life together. And honestly, if we would stop long enough, we would see that. Our to do lists, does that include your spouse? Like for real. There's your priorities in your everyday include your spouse and you're like, well, it's just kind of is. Well, no, it's not just kind of is. Busyness has a way of disguising itself as devotion. We tell ourselves we're doing all of this for the family. Yes, for the family, the carpools, the meal prep, the volunteering, the overtime, the exercising, the running. And we are. We definitely are. But if we're honest, sometimes we're so poured out for

4:08everyone else that the person who stood across from us and we said, I do too, gets whatever's left. And that whatever's left is usually not much. And I know it's not intentional because I know it's not intentional for me, but the drift is real. The slow drift is a real thing. And that's a sneaky part. Nobody wakes up and says, I think I'll neglect my marriage today. I mean, what was the time that you said that in all of your days being married, you know, whether it's been two days or whether it's been thousands of days, what happens is when you overbook one week at a time, too many things, one misdinner together, one more night of falling asleep before your head even hits the pillow. And then weeks turn into months and months turn into seasons. And suddenly, you're living as roommates managing a household instead of partners building a life. Ecclesiastes 4 verses 9 through 10 says, two are better than one because they have a good return

5:09for their labor if either of them falls down one can help the other up. But you see, here's the thing. You have to be close enough to catch each other. And if you're both running in opposite directions, two ships pass in the night, all day every day, who's there to help the other one up when they stumble? My friend, proximity matters. Not just physical proximity, but emotional and spiritual closeness. The kind that only comes from intentional time, even when the time feels like the one thing you don't have. Now, please know that I'm not talking about neglecting responsibilities. I'm not saying drop the ball in your commitments, right? What I am saying is that your marriage is one of those commitments. I mean, if you want to be specific about it, it deserves a spot on your to-do list. And not that you're thinking of it as I have to get this done, it's I get to. I get to love my spouse. I get to show up together. I get to have a 20-minute conversation. Right?

6:14And you don't want to have to still love to overs. Sometimes they taste good, but may end to they taste better when they're fresh. Right? It's not about the margins. I can fit them in here. We can't we can get this done. It's a real protected, non-negotiable spot. So why not protect that spark in the busy season? That is your kiss to keep a simple strategy. Protect the spark. When you look at your life right now, what boundaries do you have to protect your marriage? Have you even thought about that? Now, most people would say, oh, yeah, I have, but it's if I'm really honest, it's about, you know, eyes drifting, emotional affairs, physical affairs. Those are the first things that come to mind. Maybe secondary might be the big P word, okay? And I say that because if you have young ones listening, I don't want to throw everything off. And sometimes actually we are striked out for things like that when our episode goes on YouTube.

7:17So I have to be very careful with the words, but you know what I'm talking about, right? The pictures of seeing others, right? The big P. And for some it's not a problem, but for others, it really much is. And so you have those two main things that jump out. But what about the things that you control? The schedule being together. What boundaries do you have to protect your marriage? What guard rails do you put up? And remember, those boundaries are about keeping that bad stuff away. It's about putting each other first and making it a priority too. So how do you do that? How do you keep the spark alive when the schedule is screaming for every last ounce of your attention? What does it look like in real life? Number one, schedule each other before you schedule everything else. And this is tough. And I'm being very honest with you because I did it wrong for many years. Now I will say this, I was doing it right in my eyes. I did not do it intentionally.

8:18But my husband was building his career, advancing it. We both agreed to it. There's nothing wrong with that. But then my life shifted because we had one, then two, then three, then four, then five. And they needed my attention too. And in the season of him building, I was raising a family. And most of the time, was he there? Not really. I mean, I'm being honest with you and he'll tell you that. But we made this decision together. So what I did was yes, there was a sacrifice. But the thing is is this, I also used it as an excuse. Oh, I'm so tired. We should have made time somehow, some way, even in the craziest of seasons, you still got to make time. Now I know you're probably thinking, but gosh, if we schedule each other like that might sound you know, unromantic. But listen, if date night isn't on the calendar, it doesn't exist. Sit down together, even for just 10 minutes at the start of each week and block out time that belongs to the two of you.

9:24Whatever that is, maybe you're cooking dinner together. Maybe you actually go out to eat together. And you don't have to do anything that costs money, right? It doesn't have to be fancy, right? Maybe it's a walk after the kids go to bed. Maybe it's coffee on the porch before the morning rush. Maybe you decide that 30 minutes, you're just going to put your phones away and you're going to just talk whatever that looks like. The point isn't perfection, it's priority. When your spouse sees that they made the calendar before the committee meeting did, that speaks volumes. And honestly, your spouse should get the calendar before your kids do. Now I get it their seasons that we don't have full control over, you know, maybe it's a health crisis. Maybe it is someone who is finishing up their degree or whatever and it's advancing their career. I get that, but don't get lost in that. That's my plea for you and my prayer for you. Number two, replace one. How was your day with one real question? Because you see, this is what happens.

10:28We get into autopilot and I am guilty of charge. I did it just yesterday. I kid you not. I was like, hey, babe, how was your day today? And I thought, whoa, I'm sitting here and I just wrote about this and I did the exact same thing that I said not to do. I mean, I caught myself. And so I was like, okay, let's figure this out. How can I rephrase this? Now, I'm not saying you can't ask how your day was. Sometimes you need that little quick, hey, how was it to gauge? How's the night going to go? I get that. But when you want to take it to the next level, all right? Challenge yourself to ask one question that goes deeper. What's weighing on you right now? What made you smile today? Is there something I can take off your plate this week? What can I do for you? These small shifts in conversation create openings for the kind of intimacy that busyness tries to steal. You'd be amazed at what happens when your spouse feels genuinely seen and not just scheduled around. It's not about just, okay, I'll make time now.

11:33Right? You know what I'm going to say right here, right? Okay, a quickie is great. But really, what about time together? See what I mean? It's important. Figure it out. Ask the question and let it go deeper. And then finally, number three, guard your us, air quotes from the guilt of slowing down. And this is the one nobody talks about so many. And I'm going to talk from a perspective of women, right? So many women, especially faith driven, purpose-filled women who say, yes, I'm doing this. I know God wants me to do this. I know where I'm headed. They feel guilty for pausing. There's always more to do, more to give, more to serve. But pouring into your marriage is not selfish. It is stewardship. God gave you this covenant relationship and tending to it as an act of obedience, not indulgence. So give yourself permission to say, notice something good, so you can say yes to something essential. And that essential is yes, your marriage.

12:34Now, understand this. I'm not taking scripture here and saying that, oh, this is about submitting, because I already know I hear the little murmurs in the background going, you're telling me, no, I'm not. The pause has nothing to do with submission. Okay, that's for a totally different episode. This is about serving each other unconditionally, loving each other unconditionally. And being okay with saying, you know what, I need to say no to this because my husband is a priority. Now, that doesn't mean that you're giving up other things that are a part of you, but you do need to give your husband time. But it's not dictated time. There is a difference. And you need to know that in your relationship. I was talking to a good friend to we have a great working relationship with, and we're having conversation. And he was telling me about how he met his wife and he said, you know what, I was really hoping to retire her. But I'm not going to retire her. You know why? Because she

13:40wants to go back to school. She actually wants to get her nursing degree. So she's finishing her prerequisites right now. And then the goal is that in the, well, this next, I guess technically in January, she'd be starting her R-in going after her R-in. And I was like, that's awesome. And to hear a man say that, to say, you know what, I wanted her to retire. He's saying from his heart, and I know his heart. So I can say this, that, you know what, I want to be able to let her do what she wants to do. She can be at home, be with the kids, be with the family, but that's not her dream. Yes, she wants to be at home. Yes, she wants to be with the kids. Yes, she wants to nurture her family, but she also wants to serve in a different capacity. And there is absolutely positively nothing wrong with that. So be very cautious on how you see things, how you analyze things, your reflection, and take these kind of questions and concerns to each other. You have dreams, right? As a woman,

14:45you have dreams. You should be able to chase those dreams that I'm making the assumption they're good dreams. Okay, we'll just leave it at that. Right? I don't want you thinking that, oh, I'm going to go find this diamond mind to do something, you know, silly, right? Okay, you get my drift here. So we're talking about all positive things here. Right? You're a woman of integrity, a woman of impact. And your spouse may have dreams too. Don't you want both of you to succeed and reach those? Now, it may look different as you grow older, and some dreams they have to be let go of too. And that's okay also, but know that it comes from both sides. And when you do it and you understand it and you're doing it together, you're better together. So now let's go back to the calendar, because you can't have dreams come true if there's not a calendar that's working with you, not against you. Because let me remind you, the calendar is always going to be full, whether you use a digital one or whether you use the old fashioned pen and paper. There's always going to be another

15:45season of busy right around the bend, but your marriage doesn't have to be a casualty of life well lived. It can be the heartbeat of a life well lived if you protect it. And that means just you can grow old together. You can do life together. You can dream new dreams together. And also, I want to remind you too, is the spark doesn't need a vacation or a grand gesture to stay lit. You know, I mentioned earlier about, you know, you don't have to go out and spend money, but just are tight now. I get it. So you don't have to go out and eat. You can use the groceries and maybe it's something at night. Maybe you do strawberries and chocolate at night after the kids have gone to bed, or if you're an empty nester, maybe you do it in the afternoon because you're too tired when you go to bed, or it's too early. Think about it. Don't use life as an excuse. Don't take the calendar and say, I can't do this because no. Your marriage needs your attention.

16:46Your marriage needs your presence. Your willingness to look at the person beside you and say, sweetheart, you still matter more than all of this. So pay attention. Put the planner down, close the laptop, turn toward each other instead of turning in for the night or turning away, because the most important thing on your calendar will never actually be on your calendar. It's the love that makes everything else worth doing. Go in peace, be present, be incredible, be you. I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you on the other side. Blotting tugs and lots and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon. Have a glorious blessed day. Bye-bye. Feeling inspired and ready to train for life and love your journey, visit createyournow.com for more incredible resources to help you along the way. We'll see you next time on Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie. And remember, always be sure you consult your physician before beginning any health and fitness plan.