284. The REAL mum life Struggles no one is really talking about

0:00A poche production. Welcome to the She Rises podcast. I'm Ashie and I'm Sianna. This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, baldest, and most authentic version of yourself. We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level, we're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about. Get ready for your next level and so. Hello everybody, welcome back to She Rises, a Monday episode and stays for all the mummies. It's a mum life episode. We don't do these too often but when we do we get a lot of feedback saying, oh, can you talk about mum life more? I feel lonely, I feel lost. This is hard. I don't have any other mums around me and it's just nice to know that in your motherhood journey you really aren't alone and we all do experience so many different things but a lot of the same things as well which just looks different because our kids are different. Your situation is different. Your relationship is different. Your funnest is different. But I think we all do struggle in similar areas and being a parent at the end of the day, it's a lot. It is a lot but before we get into it, what's your share of the week?

1:01My share of the week is actually a supplement that I've been using for quite some time now. It's probably one of my more favourite ones to use because it's in a powder form. It's Ethical Nutrients, Mega Zinc and Vitamin C, Raspberry Powder. I've got this too. It's good. I don't like taking tablets. I would take them if I have to. But if I can get it in a powder form and it tastes like raspberry, I'm going to do that instead. It's not bad tasting. It's actually really good. So even when I find I want to lean towards a fun drink or something that's probably not good for my gut or something, I'll just have that powder with my food and then I'm getting my nutrient sand, I'm getting vitamins in and I'm also getting a fun drink as well. That's great. My niece is good. My niece is good. I honestly am obsessed with it. It's a good taste. It's a state. Even my niece is an effie who's been starting to drink and stuff. If I can get a touch drink, that one too. I could cold the last week and he's very hard to get any kind of supplement in him, whereas Tala will take lots of different things. She's a lot easier in that sense, but he drank that one. So I was stoked. It is a really good one. You just get it from Flannery. It's two.

2:01It's not super expensive. No, it's not $38 maybe. I naturally recommended that after my surgery. Oh wow. Yeah. It's called Zinc and the Vitamin C from immune system and Zinc's obviously good for skin and healing. So I highly recommend. Yeah, nice. My share of the week is a post that I found on Instagram and just the timing of it was like, wow, that's exactly how I feel. So today we're obviously talking about mum life and also talk about the challenges of being in a relationship while you've got children. Steven, I went to Sydney for, it was two nights actually. It wasn't just 24 hours, it was two nights. And we had the best time. It was just like, I'm literally, I've told you, we went for a walk and I was on the walk and I'm like, skipping around and, oh my gosh. Going for a walk with you is just so fun. He's like, why am I just being together? Just us. No interruptions. We chat the whole time, we get a coffee. It was just, just love being with my husband. And it sounds crazy, but sometimes I forget that. When I'm caught up in stress and in kids and being interrupted and all the responsibilities, the work stress, all the mental load of life, sometimes I forget that.

3:03And there's been moments where I'm like, am I bored? Like, do we still love each other? Like, why are we picking at each other? A question thing sometimes. When I'm really stretched, I have those moments where I'm like, oh, is this it? Yeah. And then I get a moment with him and I'm like, I fucking love you so much. We have the best time together, but with kids, it's really hard. And I don't want this episode to come across as like complaining about my children because I wouldn't change them for the world. But if we're all really honest with ourselves, it is hard to keep a relationship, really alive, really connected, really intimate, all the damn time. And we go through many seasons. We've been together for 18 years. And I'd say we're very worried at the time. We're pretty damn good, pretty proud of us. But there are seasons at the moment, for example, if you listen to the life update episode, it's been a really heavy season for us and a lot of work. It's been harder to stay really connected because we're both feeling so depleted that we almost don't have much for each other at the end of the day. And it's helped talking about that. Sometimes people say to me, I'm sorry, babe, I literally feel like I've got nothing left for you and I have to keep working.

4:03You know, it's been really hard. But anyways, we went to Sydney. We had an amazing time. I came back so filled up, so in love. And then the next week, we had a really big argument, like literally a week later. And I was like, how are we feeling so in love and just obsessed with each other? And now I'm like, ugh, like you're annoying me. Literally, we just had this big argument. And I just felt really sad. And I was like, oh, god, this isn't it. But then I found this post. And I was like, wow, and I sent it to him. And he's like, yep. Okay, so I read it out. It's by this guy called Garrett J. White. He's a coach. It's amazing how in five days on vacation, you laugh, you flirt, you make love, you remember why you fell in love. Then one day comes, the kids come home, and it feels like you're married to a completely different person. Vacation isn't fake, and neither is home. One simply removes the pressure. The other reveals it. Children are one of God's greatest gifts. They are also one of the marriages' greatest refining fires. Not because children are the problem, but because pressure exposes what already exists. The house wakes up, breakfast, school, sports, homework, screens, laundry, meals, schedules,

5:07noise, questions, interruptions, every single day. By evening, neither husband nor wife feels like themselves anymore. They're tired, they're overstimulated, they're tapped out, they're emotionally spent, they're running on fumes, and they're touched out. Then comes one of the marriages' greatest tensions. Mum and dad don't always see parenting the same way. One wants structure, the other wants grace. One corrects quickly, the other waits. One protects, the other prepares. Neither is necessarily wrong, they're simply different. Those differences really stay about the children. Eventually, they become personal. Things are said like, you never support me. You're too hard, you're too soft, you don't understand. You don't get me. The parenting conversation quietly becomes a marriage conversation. Meanwhile, the children aren't the only ones competing for attention. Work is calling, phones are buzzing, bills are growing, friends need answers and support. Social media is loud, life never stops asking for more of you. So somewhere inside all of it, the husband begins missing his wife. And the wife begins missing her husband, even though they're standing in the same damn kitchen.

6:10The tragedy isn't that love disappears, it's that survival takes over. And survival leads very little room for romance. So couples start waiting, we'll reconnect after this season, after the diapers, after toddlers, after elementary school. It's obviously an American coach. After teenagers, after sports, after colleges. But another season always arrives. Marriage cannot survive on postponed connection. Love needs attention now. Not someday, not when life finally slows down, because for most families, it never does. The strong couples understand something that children need healthy parents. More than parents who are constantly exhausted trying to be perfect. A thriving marriage gives children security. And neglected marriage eventually affects the whole home. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give your children is seeing mum and dad laugh together. Pray together, hold hands, apologise, forgive, choose each other and have fun. The goal isn't to agree on every parenting decision you never will. The goal is to stay on the same team, because children should never become the battlefield where husband and wife become opponents.

7:13Your children will one day leave home and when they do, he'll be standing across the table from you. The marriage you've invested in, or two strangers who only raised kids together. Don't sacrifice the relationship that created the family. Trying to manage the family, protect both. Children deserve more than successful parents. They deserve parents who still love each other, who still pursue each other, who still love, and who still fight for connection in the middle of the chaos. Because one day your children will learn what marriage looks like by watching yours. Fight for your marriage while raising your family, both matter. It's a long post, but I was like, wow, there is so much to take away from that post. That's powerful. So damn powerful and I just could not have articulated that any better. That post is like really hit hard for me. Yeah. And I know all of that, but once again, when you're under pressure, when you're stressed, when you're stressed, when you're getting interrupted three fucking million times a day, when you can't even do a wee by yourself and you're overstimulated, it's a lot. Yeah. It really is a lot. And I just wanted to talk about it because your kids aren't going anywhere,

8:13but it's for me what's really helped me is finding micro moments with Steve. We haven't gone on date night in a very long time. We had the Sydney Little Steak, which was beautiful, but week to week we haven't been doing date nights for a very long time. Not the season for it right now, but micro moments for me. It's like at the end of the day when both kids are in bed. It's like last night we just rolled and faced each other and just spoke. Just chatted, no phones, no TV, just us. Or on the kitchen, it's just like stopping and staying up on the bench and just roughing my arms around him and just reminding him that I'm proud of him. It's like the little moments to just fill each other up just to plug in that little bit more, because otherwise it can go three months gone by. And you have a compliment to each other, you haven't fully checked in, you haven't been intimate. And you can imagine if that was to carry on for a year or two, you have to have disconnected, you're going to be. Yeah. And you were literally just co-parenting under the same roof, passing ships. Absolutely not like I do not want that for my marriage. For my husband like, it doesn't feel good for me what I want that for him. And I don't want my kids to look at that and think that that's normal. It's really tough.

9:13And every single parent that I speak to is battling the same things, the mental load, the unmet expectations, feeling not appreciated for the effort they're putting in, feeling like they're always doing so much, even though you're both probably doing equal amounts. Reservantly gets built if you don't talk about it as well. It's like a lot's a little micro moments where you think they haven't done something or you would like them to do something. And if you don't voice it, that resentment just builds and you explode and start being passive aggressive or pulling love away. And it's like if you don't talk about those micro moments, you can see the negative impact that's going to have short term and long term. They get bigger. I think one of the most powerful things we can do as parents and in relationships is be very, very conscious to every single day in knowing that those little moments are not little moments. They're actually big moments because when they're stacked, it's not about them leaving their town on the floor anymore. You know, it's about all the other things that have happened that you haven't spoken about. Yeah. Obviously I'm not a parent. I do live with children. I live in my sister and her three kids. And even I get inside to what it's like to be a parent.

10:16Obviously I never know the full extent until I have my own. But I get that little bit of insight as to what it's like to even just having children around in seasons when you feel challenged. Like when I'm having a conversation with my sister, it's the constant interruptions as I can never one full flow of conversation even for five minutes. It's so frustrating. It's like I can understand how that would be hard. And when you're in a challenging season for it to feel even more challenging to stay plugged into each other when already your bandwidth is you're at your tether. You cannot hold any more capacity as being so stretched. And then feeling like how do we give to each other when I've got nothing left even to give to myself? Yeah. It's so easy. I think in relationships to blame the other person because you can get so stuck in your own head as to what you've got going on. And I felt myself doing that that week after we had that argument. And then I think it was my mom who kind of just offered a different perspective from Steve's point of view. And it was really great for her to do that because obviously she's my mom. She's little to me. She's like, my daughter can do no wrong. But she was like, I just like to offer you to have a little bit more compassion for Steve in this season. He's out because of ex-wise, he's been navigating and I was like, wow, that's so easy to just get stuck in the blame game.

11:22And inside these moments, sometimes I can feel this little wounded girl inside me that just wants to be validated or wants attention or wants what she wants. And when I don't get it in that moment, a band of wounds come up or rejection wounds come up. And I'm like, wow, there's still so much work for me to do here. And most of the time I feel pretty good. But when I'm stretched, like that's when I feel like the wounds stop leading again. And I'm like, wow, I need to really sit with myself and see what's coming up. And the meaning that I'm putting on each situation, which might be so far from the truth. Because I can say something like, I feel like this in situation and seems like well, not once did I say any of them. I'm like, yeah, fuck, I made that up in my own head. I literally made that up in my own head. And then if I don't voice it and make it bigger, you know, in relationships too, you're two humans combining one world. And each and every given day, you might be on completely different vibrations. You have completely different habits, wants, needs, desires. So to expect them to always be connected and flow perfectly is so unrealistic. And when you marry someone, you don't just marry all the good parts.

12:26You marry their childhood, you married their patterns, their habits, their belief systems, the way they react, the way they deal with challenges. And vice versa, they're not just marrying your pretty face, they're marrying all of those. You come as a whole package. It's really challenging even after 18 years. You're always getting to know this new version and also carrying the lawn, all of that stuff that they've carried themselves a whole lot. So we've spoken about this before around how along the way, especially in your relationship, because you guys have been together for almost 18 years now, you've had to meet each other at new levels and reintroduce yourselves to each other. And then reintroduce this level of wounds, this level of reactions, as you guys change and evolve. So all of those aspects too. So imagine that that's been a really interesting journey on the way. Interesting, fun and hard all in one. And we spoke about on an episode recently about our desire for freedom, being vegetarian and Gemini, our biggest value is freedom. It's not just freedom to do whatever the fuck I want, it's freedom in all aspects of being able to express how I'm feeling.

13:27Do what I'd like to do. It's hard in relationship, but you were saying even being a new relationship, to have to consider someone else. And in those hard moments I have with Steve, there's the part of me that just wants to run. That just feels too hard. It's a lot to manage your own emotions and your children's and then your partners as well. And I've been speaking to other friends about this, and I've got a couple of girlfriends that do fly and fly out, even one of the moms at footy. And I was saying to her like, oh, is it good to have your partner back home? And she's like, oh, yeah, I love him and miss him. But while he was away, I just got in my own routine. I didn't have anyone else to clean up with. And the annoying little habits and stuff that I was once used to, I got used to not having so now it's an adjustment period coming back. It sometimes feels easier to not have them around, which sounds so weird and horrible. No, I understand what you're saying. And I think this is even just having this conversation also normalizes it for a lot of women who secretly think this and then feel shame about it. I mentioned this to you the other day and actually had this conversation with Grant the other week. How going away reminds me of the freedom that I once had when you were single.

14:31When I was single. It's not because I want to go and be with whoever I want to be. I couldn't give a shit about that. It's about being unbelievably selfish, caring about myself, wanting what I want, being free and being able to express that, being able to do what I want, when I want without having to always consider somebody else. And I've been lying if I didn't say that there was a little part of me that doesn't wish that I didn't still have that. But the moment that you step into your relationship and I explain this to Grant too, I said, you almost lose a level of your individuality that you no longer get to have any relationship because you have to compromise. Yeah, it's part of relationship. And it just sacrifices that you make when you choose to be with somebody. So this has obviously been talking about relationships. But let's get back to like Mum Life. And I've been having a lot of conversations with my other Mum friends and just online, even did a video on TikTok just been like, what's the hardest thing about Motherhood? And most people say it's the mental load. It really is. And I saw it real the other day and Mum's driving. It's like when Mum drives to work, compared to when Dad drives to work, Mum drives to work. It's like did I get dinner out? Did I book the dental appointments? Did I pay the school fee?

15:31Did I just constantly thinking about all the to-do lists? This isn't necessarily true, but Dad's like, it's nice and sunny today. The mental load of a mum is constant. Even when we lay down at night, we're still thinking of all the things that we have to do. Even when we were working yesterday, video popped up of Tarja's school. And then I forgot I hadn't registered him for something at school. And then I've had to register him and pay for, I was tagged for the next season. If I had to do it by this time, he wouldn't be in the take-lite. There's just so much to do all the damn time and it can be really, really overwhelming. Another thing that I've been really focusing on is choosing my battles. So when I feel quite stretched, I'm more easily triggered at the things that the kids do. When I'm in a really good season, I feel good and I've got capacity. Sometimes they do, I'm just like not bothered by. But I'm finding myself more easily triggered by noise, by their fights, by them pushing back, by them asking 100 times more questions. So now I kind of ask myself, is this worth the battle? Is this really, really important right now?

16:32If I argue against this and I get disregulated, am I more likely to snap and create disconnect over something so small? I can't think of an example, like then wanting a snack or whatever. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, have the damn snack. Yeah. It is not worth me going to battle with you over the snack. Yeah. And I think that's something that we can all take away from this. It's like when you're constantly trying to be the perfect parent and raise perfect children because we all have that unrealistic expectation. There's a lot of pressure that we put on ourselves. It's like just asking stuff. Like does this really matter right now? And Steve's really good at this. Sometimes they've said to me, he's like, baby, just not worth it tonight. But absolutely exhausted. Like an extra 20 minutes screen time, like so be it. Yeah. So be it. Go have your long shower, have your sauna. Then we'll put them to bed and like, it's not worth it tonight. Yeah. Like you're so right. What is them having extra 20 minutes of screen or having the extra snack or whatever? But normally if I'm a good state, it'd be worth, I'm like, no, that it is. Yeah. Got my reasoning for why I've decided to do that and put that boundary in place. So just if you find yourself getting really triggered by everything, it's just to do battles. What do you think is different for you in say a good season versus the harder season

17:35like right now as to how you are calming yourself, regulating yourself, keeping yourself in a good state when you're juggling everything? Getting outside, I think it really is helpful for me. Inside, I feel more overstimulated, more triggered. And some outside in nature and they're playing on their backs and they're doing their thing and they're not in each other's space and fighting over everything. That's how I kind of regulate at the moment. So getting outside, I think it's been really helpful for me. I threw this sicker season, which one's going to feel listened to our life update episode. If you have a listen to that, go listen to that. It's been a heavier season for me. And even getting up to go, the gym has felt hard because I just want to stay in bed. I don't feel quote unquote motivated and thank goodness I've really created discipline over my life to know that it's really beneficial for me to move. Still doing the things that I always do that continues to maintain me at this level of baseline of mental health. Because it's like once you let one or two things slip, you can really feel that. So still getting up and going to the gym even though I don't feel like it. And even I'm not lifting super heavy or performing at my best, I'm still showing up for myself

18:38and following through on the things that I said I would do. Regardless, I don't let my moods dictate the things that are still important to me. A lot of compassion for myself and for Steve and just knowing that we're doing the best we can with what we have right now. I think that's been a really big thing to lean on. Can I talk about the other morning, like when you cried to me in the car? Oh, yes. Yes, not a good morning. You want to share with everybody what kind of happened in the last couple of mornings that we've gone to the gym? Yes. So when I get up to go to the gym, I obviously have to be super, super quiet. But our bedroom is right next to Tullars and she doesn't like sleeping with the door closed anymore. And when I go to sneak out to the gym, she's wide awake ready to go at 4.30. It's been happening for a little while now. She could play with her dolls or I'd sit up with drawing in like a breakfast and she'd be good or every now and again, I'd put a movie on for her which I don't, there's no screen in the morning in my house. It's just a blanket rule. But now it's like more frequently. The mornings for me is something I've always prioritized since being a mom was like, I'm getting up before my family wakes up and this is my time to fill my cup up so I can come back and be the best mom I can be.

19:38I come back and help with the school run, get everything ready, be there for my kids before I start my work day. And that morning, I think because I'm so stretched, she woke up. And Tiana's out the front waiting for me and she's crying and crying and crying. She did not want me to go to the gym and had conversations with her about how it makes me happy and strong and it was really good for Mummy. And like I said, she has been really understanding, but now she's just not so every morning when I go to go to the gym, it's this big battle and then she wakes the whole house up and everyone started in the day a lot earlier and grumpy and it's got in the car, Tiana. And I was like, this morning feels like my moment of freedom, right? Just get to go to the gym and just do something for me. I'm not a mum, I'm not showing up on social media. I'm not in she rise and I love all of that, but sometimes I just want to be ashy. I just don't have to be on for anyone else or everything else in the time of the morning. We just get to be together and be out in the fresh air, go for our walk and train. I just love it. I really, really value it. And I kind of felt like that was getting taken away because it's my day starts with her screaming and crying and I feel awful leaving.

20:40And then Steve's been saying up later to work so he's not getting enough sleep and he's trying to come hurt and just starts my morning off on a really bad note. That sense of freedom being taken away from me because now there's moments where I'm like, oh, maybe I shouldn't go to the gym because my daughter needs me. And I don't want to leave her here crying with Steve or just being upset. Even this morning coming out to Brisbane, same thing happened. She was wide awake at 4.30. I went to leave and she's there at the door standing at the door. And I packed everything up the night before. I'm going to be super, super quiet. Didn't brush my teeth, didn't go toilet, literally got dressed. And I thought, I'll just sneak straight out the front door and pray to God she doesn't wake up and she was there, ready to go. Open the door and there she is and I'm like, oh my gosh. So once again, she cried and cried and cried and worked hard. I woke Steve up and I'm like, oh, this is just not a nice way to start the day. And especially when you're already feeling stretched and you're already feeling like it's already difficult for me to do the things that actually keep me above my baseline. Keep me regulated. And now I feel like it's making it hard to go to the gym. And I feel more dysregulated because I'm obviously needed to co-regulate with her.

21:43It's really tough. Yeah, because you just normally like up and out and straight out the door and it's straight into like just us chatting and being on phones down. Like we're walking, we're talking, we're chatting, we're catching up. And it's like it is. It's that time that you get to fill up your cup before you get to give into everyone else, which you're always doing all the time. Yeah, all the time. Because even if you're not working, you're just with your kids all day, that would be really hard. And also working parents, it's really hard because you get up when you're with your kids, you work all day from the moment you step back in that door. It is on. You messaged me eight o'clock last night and I'm like, Tuller did not want to go to sleep. We were just back and forth trying to get her down. It's eight o'clock. I had work to do. I had things I need to tick off. I want to spend time with my husband. I want to spend time with Taj. I've got none of it. It's just so hard to fit it all in. And I don't want this to be a doom and gloom. Like don't have children, but it's just a reality of like it is just really, really challenging. And what can you do to support yourself? So for me, my relationship, it's micro moments. Now having something booked in to look forward to, we haven't done a staycation so long. And that was just like so nice to just remember that we still really fucking love each other.

22:43I know you came home and you're like, I love that man so much. I do. Another was so beautiful. But again, it was a reminder for you of like, how beautiful our connection is. Yeah. When we're not being interrupted every five seconds. Yes. And the umbrella of level of stress that we've been under isn't our normal stress. Yeah. And then micro moments throughout the day and be really conscious of how we can inject love to each other and appreciation and compliments and touch. Little micro moments really help. Like even the other night Steve was sitting around the table and like a tell Steve was just really in his head thinking about work and he had a work meeting like six feet like a work dinner. And it was like 430 and I was like, go early babe, like go to the beach. Just have some time by yourself. It was like really? Don't mind. It was like, absolutely not. Like go have some time. Just being in tune with them and what they're going through and picking up the pieces like that. You know, I knew someone walks in the door and it's like, where are you at from? One's 10. And he was at a one that day and I was like, go, you need to like just have some time by yourself. And I felt really good that day is like, I've got this. And just like having compassion but checking and moving really conscious to where they're at and also over communicating with your apps so they can also support you.

23:47And if you're a single parent, like in hats off to you because you don't have that luxury of having someone tag team in and out, that must be, I can't even imagine how hard that would be day in day out. So my hat goes off to you. And really leaning on support, really leaning on support. I think it's really important to have safe friends where you can fully vent so openly and honestly, exactly how you feel without feeling like you and it canceled. Because I know, I even know this episode. Trolls, I know you're listening and I know you were going to twist everything I say and call me a bad mum and tell me that my poor kids and that I'm ungrateful and I get more time away from whoever they're comparing me like, I know this episode's going to ruffle feathers. But I think every mum and dad and caregiver and aunties have moments where it feels like a lot. And I think having a safe people that you can fully just vent how you're actually feeling in that moment because you can feel something and it doesn't have to mean anything. It doesn't mean you want to change it. It doesn't mean you even want time away from your kids. In the weekends, sometimes Steve's like, babe, let's tag team like you go have time

24:48and want to go. I don't want to be with my children. I just feel overwhelmed. It doesn't mean I want to be away from them. I just feel overwhelmed. Yeah. And then there is times, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to take an hour or two to fill my cup up so I can come back and be a better mum. Even just being able to get it off your chest without being made to feel wrong or guilty or bad or something wrong because you feel that certain way. Yeah. I imagine it's so amazing. And it is. It's like knowing that somebody can hold you in everything that you feel and know that they're not going to be like, oh, I'm going to make that mean that you're a bad mum or whatever judgment or whatever you think that someone may think about you. You can just let it off your chest and let it roll off. It's like, cool. We can hold this in this face and then that gets to be it. You get to let it. Let it get to like set it down. Yeah. Or it's from swelling in your head and your body and your heart or the thing. Exactly. I've got another friend who's a single mum. She's got two little ones. And she was saying to me lately, like, I feel so guilty, but I'm not enjoying parenting. Like the weekends, I'm almost dreading because I'm like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do with these two humans who never have asked questions and never stop fighting who are full on the whole time. I'm so exhausted by the end of the week and I've got a whole weekend until I'm like,

25:50I don't judge you for that. It is really, really hard. Do that by yourself, of course. And there's going to be seasons where you don't enjoy every single moment of parenting. Like let's normalize that. And there's seasons where you fucking love it so much. There's days where you love it so much and there's days where it's not so fun. That's normal. It's even with the out parents, right? You have really good days and you're really hard days in your relationship. You have really good seasons and really hard seasons. I was just about to say that it is every area of life. Yeah. Where you do experience the highs, lows, ups and downs and also we're very emotionally driven. Yes. And I'm feeling that day is how we're going to interpret what we're experiencing. And so true. Why when you're triggered or when we're triggered is that in that moment, I'm experiencing the emotional trigger based on the head space that I'm in. Literally. Not what's happening in front of me. It's what's happening inside of my head. The great of put out. And on a good day, I'm like, I got this impatient. Oh, you having a tough day? Come on, bring it in. When I'm triggered and like my nieces and nephews at home are like all three of them collectively are fighting and doing this. And I'm like, oh my god, like I need to get out of the house. Yeah. That's a real thing based on where I'm at capacity wise.

26:51I love the conversation that you've brought in around what you do to make sure that you can stay above baseline. Yeah, but baseline. When you're struggling. Because it is the most important thing. Because if you don't, you don't uphold those familiar things that actually pour in and give you energy as opposed to take energy from you, you can spiral really quickly. And I know I've done that even in the past. Absolutely. And I'm not a parent. I don't even have the weight of what you and every other parent has. I see only glimpses of it and experience this much of it just living with children. And again, I know I get shit on for parenting stuff all the time. But like, why is it okay for someone who doesn't have kids to have a rough time, a rough day, but the moment a mum is saying, I'm having a tough time, my kids are tough. We box them into being a bad mum or not grateful to have our kids. And I'm like, where along the way society made that a thing that mums can't complain about their kids or complain about it being hard or complain about being tired or needing a break. I make sense to me because if any of my mum friends come to me, exhausted needing a break, tapped out, overstimulated, I'm like, fucking absolutely, I get it.

27:55I wonder why some people are just really not understanding of that. I'm not sure. It's really interesting, even as somebody who's not a parent, but I have probably everyone around me has children. Yeah. So it is apparent. And it wasn't until I started to run myself with having more girlfriends who have children, did I realize that there are a lot of conversations that happen only between mums? Because obviously when they have a safe person in their community of women with lean-on because they equally know how challenging it is on the outside to the community, to family to men to whoever. Like it's not really spoken about the challenges that you actually do go through and that you hold every single day. Yeah. It's kind of like this unspoken expectation for parents that just hold it all and not struggle. Mmm. Another thing that really helps me at the moment too is the repair process. So Tarja's very emotionally intelligent. Like even when we had our parent teacher interview, his teacher said there was 16 points to test a child's emotional intelligent and he hit 15 out of 16. She was like, he is one of the most emotionally intelligent children that I've taught, which

28:57was really, really cool. So he's at an age where I can explain to him and talk to him about how I'm feeling and what's going on and when it be season or whatever and I can have those conversations with him, which is really, really great. So Tarja, it's a little bit harder. It's great in the sense that she's fucking happy 24-7 like unless I'm leading to go the gym. That girl, I'm like, a huge cheek sort of into the day because she's just so happy smiling, laughing, cracks herself up. She just, she loves her life, loves everything in her. But even the other day when I came back from the gym because I got quite frustrated that morning when I jumped in the car with you and just cried to you, but I got frustrated with her and I can't count on my pants. The amount of times I've like quote unquote lost that I have got frustrated and I'm very, very patient with her. But that morning I got really frustrated and I got the car and then on the walk, you were venting out something and you're like, oh, how are you feeling? I said, I'm just getting this wave of guilt for getting frustrated at the end of this morning because she just wanted me to stay. She just wanted me to stay. So I went straight home to her and she pranced at me and she's like, love you. And I sat down with her and I said, are you okay now?

29:58And she's like, I just love you so much. I said to you, I know, but this morning you were really sad. She's like, yeah, because I don't want you to leave. I said, I know. And I'm really sorry that I got frustrated. I'm like, how did that make you feel when I got frustrated? And she goes, sad because I just love you so much. I don't want you to go to the gym because I just want to be with you forever, mummy. I was like, oh, I want to be with you as well. And I went over the whole, what does Jim do for mummy? Makes you strong and happy and healthy and good and we do that conversation. And I said, and also, I'm sorry that I got frustrated. Mummy doesn't want to get frustrated at you. I think it's really important to role model that and to normalize saying sorry, normalize also human experiences because they're going to get frustrated. I don't want them to feel shame about it. I want them to go, oh, fuck, I'm sorry too. Yeah, that was a moment for me. And lead the way. Yeah. And role model of like teaching her that it's okay to come back and like take accountability for the moment that you had and you could teach her how to do that for herself and she's older. Which I will admit is hard sometimes. I wasn't role model that. That's a natural for me to do that. But I'm super aware of how important it is.

30:58And it's been a beautiful practice that I've been able to do with my kids is to show them the way and lead with vulnerability and own my stuff. Not like I'm really sorry I got frustrated. But next time if you don't do that, then I wouldn't get frustrated because then it's like putting the blame on them. It's just owning it. Yeah. I'm really sorry I got frustrated this morning. Mummy's really sorry. Can I kiss and cuddle? And I think that's been really cool for me and for them, for our connection and relationship. So that's been really nice as well. But yeah, any parents that are in the thick of it, it is a lot and you're not alone and single parents, whatever your situation is, just give yourself a little bit more kindness, compassion, lean on the support. And I'm going to do my cron moments matter and do whatever you can to keep that baseline for yourself. The things that you do for yourself that just keep your head afloat, especially when you're holding more stress and normal. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. Well, come on, I'm waiting for the troll comments of saying what about my am. I'm ready. Come at me. Come on, Lama. Thank you. Thanks guys. See you soon. Thanks for joining.

31:58Bye guys. Bye.