283. Flashback Friday - You Think Confidence Comes Naturally? Think Again

0:00A poche production. Welcome to the She Rises podcast. I'm Ashie and I'm Sianna. This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, baldest and most authentic version of yourself. We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level, we're going to laugh, cry and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about. Get ready for your next level of self. Get your popcorn. Get your popcorn. All that projection. Yes. Essentially what people have projected on to us in the past, which have been really interesting. Now, some of you might be able to resonate with a few of these projections and maybe have felt this in the past from people around you who maybe have done this to you. So let's break it down. What is a projection? In simple terms, this is my belief at least. In my opinion, a projection is essentially something that you are thinking, feeling or a belief that you have, that you are projecting on to someone else as if it's their own.

1:00Now, just for a quick example, the easiest one to be able to understand is projecting what somebody else is thinking. So let's say for example, you meet somebody in the gym and you're having a conversation and automatically your mind goes, oh my god, are they thinking about what my hair looks like right now? That is a projection of what you are thinking about yourself. Oh, yes. So we automatically put out what we are thinking, our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs about ourselves, onto the other person as if it's their own. And then we freak out as if it's true. Yes. Because in the moment it feels so very true that we take it for truth. And then we automatically get to push that person away. Yeah, wow. It's very interesting in the online world too, because it's such an easy way for people to try and get it out of their body and the spotlight off them and put it onto someone else. Yeah. And it can be everything from, oh, they're so disgusting and cringe or how much they're kissing, what a gross looking couple.

2:01Is that actually something that you're wanting? All that person's being bratty and showing off her amazing body. Hmm, that's a projection. Maybe you're actually wanting to work on your body. Yeah. It's almost like a shiny mirror back as to what is coming up for you. The next one for me is it's easy for you to be confident around other people because it comes so naturally for you. Oh, yeah. This one, it kind of makes me giggle a bit because I just think you just don't know. Like, you know, the projections that come through, you just, you never really know what somebody's past has been like or experience has been like. I'd be curious, what do you think? It's easy for you to be confident around other people because it comes naturally for you. Hmm, they think that you haven't had to work hard. And then they're in victim that it's not fair that they have to work so hard and they're still not there. It looks so easy for her. Yeah. They're being a victim, which I am not judging. I'm going to be a victim. No, you're not. Honestly, one of my biggest victims' stories was that everyone else has easier than me. Yeah. And I've got it 10 times harder. I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. I feel you.

3:01I feel you. Same. So no judgment here. But I think she's looking at you as if you haven't had to try. You've just been born with this natural gift of being able to speak and be confident, be beautiful. And it's so hard for her that maybe she's wanting to show up on camera or wanting to show up. In any way in her life and she still doesn't have the courage to. Yeah. But what we forget is we haven't seen everyone's seasons and chapters to get to that point where they are. Yeah. Even me being on camera, it looks like I'm so natural on camera. Yeah. I've always wanted to be on stage, but you should have seen the tantrums and fights that Steven I used to have. He would push me in front of the camera. I was like a two-year-old having a tantrum. I did not want to be seen. If I stuffed up, I would cry. Literally, I would cry. There's been a long journey and so much persistence and practice to get to this point where I'm so comfortable with who I am. And I know I've got a voice to share, but yeah, there's a journey for someone to get to where you are right now. But people don't see that and that's where the projections come out. And you always feel like you're in that victim energy. Yeah. So I feel for her, but it's just not the case. Yeah, I feel for her too, but I'm also like honey, if only you knew. Yeah, and we get to do this work.

4:02Just like whoever's listening who wrote that in or has said that to you, she gets to choose to work on it and to see it from a different perspective. Yeah. Now when I see someone inspiring years ago, I would have made a projection like that. It's so much easier for them. Now my mind goes, oh, they must have done a lot of work together. Yeah. What courses did they do? Who's their coach? How much practice have they had? Seven in the stage for three years, five years, ten years? Yeah. I'm inquiring and almost stalking what they've done and how they've done it to get there. Yes. That's where my mind sets up now. Yeah. So it's cool when you can turn it around. Oh, absolutely. And you know what's interesting? I was once just so the opposite of confident, anything but confident. And I vividly remember just like this experience just popped into my head of trying to fit in around this group of people that I met in Bondi when I was living in Sydney. And I was trying so hard to fit in. And I just remember feeling so hard to have a conversation flow, being like I had to think about what I was saying.

5:02I had to try to find topics to talk about. And I just was so in my head that I was the person who sat in the back corner and was me. And it has been a conscious effort for years. I'm talking like years and years if I've been doing personal development now. Has it taken me to be able to feel so natural when I'm talking or to just yapping, be comfortable that I'm like I feel comfortable yapping because I'm comfortable in myself now. But it took really facing all those parts of myself that I wasn't confident in that I didn't love that I was rejecting within myself for me to be able to go, Hey, I feel comfortable owning all of who I am now. Well, but really sitting with the anxious part of me too. Yes. You know, it takes a lot of you being able to be okay with that part of you, not judging it, not judging the part of you that wants to be accepted or loved or valued by other people so much that you're in your head while you're sitting in front of somebody going, do they feel like me? Not present in the moment.

6:02What am I going to say? What should I say to make them like me? Like not judging that part of you so that you can go, Okay, cool. How can I just have it? How can I get to know this person better? Yeah. What could I learn about this person that might be for now friendship? I want to get to know this person. It just shifts from you to them. Yeah. And then also with time and practice, like what you were saying. I've got more connections. With you doing this for 15 years on camera, it's the same thing. Yeah. So cool.